Hear 4: Lynn - Part 2

In Part 2 of Lynn’s story, we continue a deeply personal journey through struggle, resilience, and transformation.

Lynn opens up about her ongoing battle with alcoholism and the overwhelming pressures that shaped her life during some of her darkest moments. She reflects on the complexities of a blossoming relationship—one that brought both hope and challenge—and how those experiences pushed her to confront difficult truths about herself and her path forward.

At the heart of this episode is a story of growth. Through faith, self-reflection, and perseverance, Lynn began to find a sense of peace she had long been searching for. Her journey is a powerful reminder that even in the midst of chaos, healing and purpose are possible.

Since this recording, Lynn has continued to grow in meaningful ways—becoming a Eucharistic Minister, volunteering her time hosting a radio program reading stories to the blind through DownEast Radio, and celebrating the anniversary of her baptism.

If you or someone you love is struggling with alcoholism or bipolar disorder, support is available:

•  Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): Visit aa.org to find meetings and support near you 
•  SAMHSA National Helpline: Call 1-800-662-4357 for free, confidential help 24/7 
•  Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA): Visit dbsalliance.org for resources and peer support 
•  Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 in the U.S. for immediate support 

You are not alone—reaching out can be the first step toward healing.

Transcript

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0:05

Hey, I'm Eric and I'm here for you. We're continuing Lynn's story in part two of her journey. The first episode, we began to understand the weight that she carried, and today we go even deeper. Lynn opens up about her ongoing battle with alcoholism, the pressures that life placed on her from every direction, and how those challenges shaped the choices she made along the way. But this chapter isn't only about struggle, it's also about transformation. We'll hear about a blossoming relationship that brought both hope and complexity and the profound role faith played in her life as she began to search for meaning, healing, and ultimately peace. This is a story about resilience, about confronting the darkest moments in your life and about what it means to rebuild from within. I hope you enjoy part two of Lynn's journey.

Eric 1:06

what's the future look like for you?

Lynn 1:07

well, I tell you, the future has a lot to do with my record. The thing that is, I didn't explain what I was arrested for. It's pretty bad, so I'm not gonna talk about it, but it's like, you know, my ex-husband, you know, he got away with it because he pleaded insanity and he got sent to a hospital and I got sent to a rehab. So I ate the charges at my sentencing and his got cleared. I'm carrying the weight of that entire relationship as well as the record. and that record is following me wherever I go. And if I ever attempted a career, I was in HR and finance for 25 years. So I mean, it's like if I attempt a career now, that record will be knocking on my door. So I'm trying my best to like figure out what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life with this horrible, horrible record that I have.

Eric 1:57

and got off on everything. But

Lynn 2:00

Yes. his charges were dropped.

Eric 2:02

this is gonna sound horrible.

Lynn 2:03

Yeah.

Eric 2:04

like a terrible thing to ask, but is that not something you could have done?

Lynn 2:07

so, no, they, I dunno what, because I have no. Experience in the justice system. This is my first time ever arrested. They put me in a rehab so that I had an alcohol problem, and I was just as crazy in that place, in that position where they found me. In fact, I was sent to jail prior to what I was arrested for because I was crazy. So I have a, a history of being crazy at this point, and they sent him to the hospital. it's horrible. I had no experience. I have no, my parents didn't know. No one knew. I don't know why they sent me to a fricking rehab. I don't know why I should have been sent to a hospital 'cause I was not

Eric 2:45

Did,

Lynn 2:45

my right mind at all. I had a court appointed, like total asshole of a lawyer. He had no interest in helping me none. Zero. He had no interest in helping me. None. in fact, my charges are so bad, I had to plead guilty except that he gave me these choices. He said, you can plead guilty and eat these horrible charges. Or if we can go to trial and you get to sent to prison for the rest of your life. those were my choices. I have no experience in the justice system. None so.

Eric 3:17

and so you never even thought to say, Hey, let me get a second opinion. I don't need to. This guy.

Lynn 3:22

No, I, I, my parents came from New York, they drove to North Carolina, they left their whole life behind. And lawyers one is 50, 60, $70,000 to represent me. we're poor. We have nothing. And unfortunately, when you're poor and in the justice system, you get those choices. Eat, plead guilty, or go to prison for the rest of your life.

Eric 3:39

Yeah.

Lynn 3:40

you get.

Eric 3:40

Can I ask going from that point then, because I do, I

Lynn 3:43

Mm-hmm.

Eric 3:43

talk about your future is looking,

Lynn 3:46

I have so much ways to make money that probably won't require, a background check. since we've spoken, I've broken into voice acting. It's been a lot of fun I know we discussed it at the tail end of our last conversation, but I've done a couple auditions. I have a demo. I'm trying to do commercial work. I did a training video. I'm working on a language app and some other things. I mean, it's really hard to break into the cartoons, animes, and the fun stuff, but, you never know what'll happen down the line. So, yeah.

Eric 4:18

wow,

Lynn 4:18

Yeah,

Eric 4:19

from our last conversation, you've

Lynn 4:21

yeah.

Eric 4:21

hit the ground running because I know that you had mentioned that was something that you

Lynn 4:24

Yeah.

Eric 4:25

super excited about, but

Lynn 4:26

Yeah, and since we've talked, I've said, that's why I said I had other audio. I've set up my home studio, I have, you know, the right software, the interface, the mic, everything is working perfectly. And, you know, I've just been auditioning and I joined a wonderful voice acting community that, we do table reads. we bounce, auditions off of each other and we kind of just give each other critique. We have voice acting challenges where we get a prompt, everybody uploads their videos of how they did, and you know, we do all these different things and it's a great thing I broke into and I really, and now like I said, reddit is a wonderful,

Eric 5:00

Yes.

Lynn 5:01

You know, because it all started, you know, a bunch of people on Reddit and a Discord channel and we're, all of us are now voice acting. It's crazy, you know? So just one Reddit post can just blow up, you know what I mean? So.

Eric 5:13

Can I ask what's the goal? Is there like a cartoon, an anime? Is there, something that you really want to get your voice on?

Lynn 5:19

I really enjoy, I don't even know what I would be good at. I think for me, I really love it that this language app, was really funny. Because I have on my little profile that I have a Brooklyn accent and they thought it was really funny if I played a tour guide around town and like, here's the Empire State Building. You want a pizza? Forget about it. You know, they want these things. So I would really love to be in a. Story about Brooklyn or New York, like a bunch of actors get together and all of us tell a story about New York. I think that would be so much fun. I would love the cartoons and the anime and stuff for video games. If they did a video game about surviving in New York, that would be great. Like, you know, it'd be like video games and then New York altogether. I think that'd be great. Yeah. yeah. Yeah. So.

Eric 6:02

is the most difficult part of trying to do voice acting at this point?

Lynn 6:05

I think just breaking into the business. There are different people who say that, it's hard. It's like Hollywood. You have to really know people. It's a lot of auditions, a lot of competition. But honestly, if you have a good demo and a good voice and you can, read lines and. Put together a nice demo with a lot of different ranges. You'll be surprised at what you can get. my first real job was, a training video for a corporation that, they were training some of their, employees how to, I forgot what it was exactly. Just like an employee orientation about, the different parts of the organization, what they needed to do. and all I did was voiceover, like an animation that came across the screen, during this training videos. So, it wasn't really hard to get into that. And there's many sites, you know, there's many resources, you know, Nava is the National Association for Voice Actors, so that's nava.org. You can go there and see what is available and what they do. And there's a lot of, I would say if you ever wanna break into voice acting, you would go to, sites that deal in commercials and ads. Commercials and ads are always, always looking for people no matter what it is.

Eric 7:08

and you found that's a little bit easier than anything else is just the commercial ads?

Lynn 7:13

Yeah. 'cause you know what it is? people think about voice acting. They wanna do like, you know, the Batman series right away they want to, they wanna do anime, they wanna do video games right out the gate.

Eric 7:22

No.

Lynn 7:22

Nothing works like that. Nothing.

Eric 7:24

Oh,

Lynn 7:25

Nothing works like that.

Eric 7:26

crushing

Lynn 7:26

Nothing works. It.

Eric 7:27

'cause ugh.

Lynn 7:27

you wanna have to get those, you gotta think about like the big business. Like I didn't start off in human resources and finance because, I went to an Ivy League school No, I started off with just like I, that interview, just knocking an interview out the park and I started as a payroll assistant. Before I worked my way up into hr, you gotta start at the bottom. And if you wanna start into voice act, then you gotta do a couple of jobs, build up a resume, and have like a little portfolio to show these anime and cartoon people that, hey, this person can do all of this, So.

Eric 7:57

is acting

Lynn 7:58

Yeah.

Eric 7:59

it's a rough business specifically now and with ai

Lynn 8:01

Yeah.

Eric 8:02

everything,

Lynn 8:02

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, don't be trapped into those, job ads for AI annotation, because that's just training the AI to use your voice and you don't wanna do that. All those little clips that say like, babble audio is one. They say that, you know, you're training ai, you're doing chats with ai, with your voice, but they're just stealing your voice. And you get like, what, 80 cents per track for your voice? So yeah, I've gone down that route. I signed up with a liner and I did a couple of voice things and 80 cents a track and they're set, stealing my voice. So no.

Eric 8:33

voice is probably on a whole bunch of other stuff then, huh?

Lynn 8:35

Yeah, probably whole bunch of other stuff right now. Yeah,

Eric 8:37

Yeah, at some point.

Lynn 8:38

I'm sure.

Eric 8:39

You told us a wild story of your life so I'm just wondering all that hope and that optimism that you have, 'cause you've got a lot of it, you have to, to be where you're headed. What does that look like for you? I mean, we've talked about the voice acting. we've kind of seen just how, bubblegum pop, you are in your emotions and in the way you speak, it's very vibrant. But what are those hopes and dreams for you in the future?

Lynn 9:05

Well, I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk, let's call him Mr. California. He's out in California and I'm in North Carolina. And the dream would be to be with him and to start a life with him and, kind of just figure it all out together and for the future I see us trying to make it, you know, he's got a lot on his place, being a single dad. his. Daughter has some problems and she's trying to work that out with her, and they're trying to, he's trying to be the best daddy can be, and I don't wanna get in the way of that, and I don't wanna be a burden on him because of that. So, we're kind of waiting to see how the future plays out, but in the meantime, what the miracle is in the meantime of what my future looks like. I will share with you how relationships are not supposed to be, but how they would be ideal if you took out all the variables like addiction, codependency, and it's funny because, Being an alcoholic. 'cause I am an alcoholic, I am an aa and I realized, you know, I'll be five years sober in April. I, I mentioned to you last time, four 20 is my sober date. But it's like this man, this Mr. California, over the past, it's gonna be two and a half years now. So he has taught me all about what. Responsibility means what love is like when you don't consume yourself with it. When it's not all consuming, when it's not like, oh, I need 20 texts today, or eight phone calls because I need to hear your voice type of relationship. It's already long distance, so it's already hard, but what I've learned and what he's taught me, just being the man that he is, it's just about how you don't have to lose yourself. In a relationship to make it, make it work. We don't have to let other people control us. We can love people without fixing them. I learned, about codependence, that codependence react. They don't act. you think about relationships where you don't have your own identity, like everything becomes the other person. Everything about the other person becomes your identity. So, I'll challenge any person in a relationship right now. How many times have you canceled plans because your partner became available and you're like, oh, well they're free. So let me dump whoever I have now and go be with them. I have so many girlfriends like that. Once her man calls her, you're gone. I mean, we had plans to go out to hang out to eat, but our man called and then she's gone. At this age, at this point in my life, I'm gonna be 46 years old now. I don't need to be chasing no man because he calls and dumping my girlfriends. I don't. And honestly, friends are so far and few in between these days, making friends and keeping friends. it's so hard to make a friend at 46.

Eric 11:51

I do wanna come back to Mr. California. but if I can ask, Do you feel, as you mentioned, it is hard to make friends at a certain age but do you feel like your past experiences, like nobody can really relate to that and so that kind of makes it difficult to find somebody to be a pal.

Lynn 12:06

that's never been a hindrance. My past actually invites tons of friends, like, oh my God, you've been through that. I wanna be your friend. it's funny that draws people in. Actually, my story draws people in what I'm talking about are friends that will puts you first friends that will. Ride or die. Friends. Friends that will, text you, fight for you, be the friends we had in high school, be the friends we had in junior high school, elementary school friends. in elementary school my friends were everything. Passing notes, doing all kinds of nonsense. But it's like real friendship, like childhood friendship, bonding. I don't feel exists today.

Eric 12:44

Difficult to, to find people that you can connect with I mean, again, most people have in the age groups that we're looking at, they're, similar to our memories and what we've dealt with. But everyone has their own. in betweens. A lot of people at this age are like stuck in their ways, so it's difficult to really kind of

Lynn 13:02

Yeah. And you know, I went outside of the box. I was in therapy, I think last year. I tried another therapist this year. We'll see how she does. But I had a therapist last year. he was great. He was very interesting. He threw all kinds of ideas at me, and he said one day you know, you need more girlfriend in your life. You need to go out and do things more. He said, go on Bumble for friends. I said, what the hell is this? He's putting me on the dating app. What is going on? And he said, no, go on Bumble for friends. He said, go on Bumble. Try it. And I went on there and honestly, there was a lot of bored women who had relationships and they were just texting into oblivion. They had no, no plans on meeting up, no plans on ever getting together. But there was this one girl, what, what could I name her? I could call her my bubbly friend. So bubbly friend, she gets on there and she says, Hey, let's meet. Let's go do this. And honestly, it's been a year of bliss with this girl that she's, she's 10 years younger than me, but she's got the. So much life. She's so vibrant, so independent, and she's become my ride or die. And she, and you know, it's, and this, it's something that my, my therapist he just mentioned, he said, you know, try, I didn't know there were apps so you could go make friends. I didn't know but think about how many, like if they did Tinder for friends or Hinge for friends or you know, whatever they're doing, but Bumble was on the right track with that. And I think that, you know, people need, I mean, I have my sci-fi meetup group that meets in Raleigh. People on meetup.com. I have different, my astronomy club, I have all these different things I got into because people want to meet and do things and come together and share ideas and do fun, fun friendship things together. They do.

Eric 14:37

human nature to, to

Lynn 14:38

Yeah.

Eric 14:39

I think that's kind of again, goes to the crux of like this podcast, I think everybody has a story to tell and they have so much that they deserve to get off their chest If somebody hears it and connects, I think it's worth it. especially 'cause this whole world is about technology nowadays in the podcast, you can listen to this when you're doing dishes, laundry, whatever the case may be, but

Lynn 14:57

Well, that's why I wanna also bring up how you know addiction is like one of the big,

Eric 15:02

mm-hmm.

Lynn 15:02

one of the biggest parts of my life. Because when I gave up the alcohol, I realized I had all this other shit wrong with me. Like, okay, I don't have the alcohol anymore, but what were the stuff that made me drink? What was it that made me drink? And it was this codependence, this addiction to men, this addiction to technology. And I always hear it. It's like, people that come into aa, like they say, oh, I'm gonna go to one meeting and it's gonna solve all my drinking problems. It doesn't work like that. Recovery is not like an event. You don't go to recovery and then you're recovered. Recovery is a whole process. I challenge anyone to say, oh, I'm not an addict. Those are for those people. All right. You're not an addict. So turn off your phone now and turn it back on 24 hours later. Keep your phone off from now. To tomorrow and tell me you're not an addict. I don't wanna hear it because I found myself in the same trap at night I'm not getting sleep because I'm turning over what's on this, I have my phone on the other side of the room charging on silent when I'm sleeping. Because I can't with it. it's on the other side of the room charging when I turn it off. I'm done at 11, 11 30 Maybe I put it on charging on the other side of the room and I'm sleeping

Eric 16:13

i'm an addict to a lot of things. I've got a lot of hobbies. I collect. I'm a shoe collector. trading card games.

Lynn 16:18

those are hobbies. I wouldn't call those addictions. I would call those your hobbies. Those are like hobbies.

Eric 16:22

turn into addictions real quick when you're buying, you know, two, $300 pair of shoes every weekend.

Lynn 16:28

it's true.

Eric 16:28

being

Lynn 16:29

That's true.

Eric 16:29

downplay the true, intensity of addictions, right? Because your addiction is, well, one that you've, you're sober going on. Five

Lynn 16:37

Five years. Yeah.

Eric 16:38

You're, you're doing the work, you're really putting in the effort to excel in your life. you find that addiction in moments of just hardship is just too strong to really pull out? 'cause five years is an unbelievably impressive amount of time, and I'm sure I'm asking you this at a much later point in your life where it's a lot easier. But in the beginning, how difficult was that?

Lynn 17:03

Well, I will tell you a story of. 2024, late 2024, early 2025, when me and Mr. California were at the height in our relationship. I scared him through a really bad manic episode. 'cause I did tell you I'm bipolar as well it was so bad. I mean, I spent three months in the hospital and then after that, three months in a long depression because they gave me some heavy drugs when I was in the. Hospital, and I literally could not get off my couch for three months after that. And that was during Christmas of 2024 into 2025. And I ruined that first Christmas, and it was so hard not to get him to trust me again, but just for him to not be afraid that since he's so far out in California, that he was completely helpless to help me. And if you ask me how I dealt with that and not drank. Like I was at my lowest, lowest point. I lost everything. I lost the respect of my parents again. He left me, he had blocked me all. I, he barely eat. All he had was an email for me, and that's it. And I just lost everything. And in that moment, I still didn't drink. Only because I made that promise to Christ that I would never drink again in that jail cell because I knew that if I went and I started drinking, especially with the medication I was on, I was on the road back to jail. I knew that. I just knew it. I didn't even have to think about it. I guess scared me sober is the best way to describe that.

Eric 18:33

When you lost Mr. California and,

Lynn 18:37

Mm-hmm. I lost them. Yeah, I did.

Eric 18:39

guys obviously are on that road to coming back together and getting everything locked.

Lynn 18:44

Yes. We're still on that. We're still working on it, believe it or not, even a year, and change later. Still working on it.

Eric 18:49

he's got a lot that he's got going on in his personal life himself,

Lynn 18:53

and I will say that I know it was so bad 'cause for some reason, I have bits and pieces from the last conversation before. He blocked me. But I think I said something bad about his daughter. Way past the line. that was so far over the line that there's no coming back from that.

Eric 19:11

it looks like you're trying to atone and it looks like there is a way

Lynn 19:16

Yeah.

Eric 19:16

and that takes, a good person with a good heart to sit there and say that you have, these afflictions, you deal with these, struggles that you're overcoming as best as you can.

Lynn 19:27

Yeah.

Eric 19:28

just have them, Look at you in a better light and say, maybe we can work this out it's,

Lynn 19:35

Yeah.

Eric 19:35

to speak to his good character.

Lynn 19:37

Oh, he's a very good man. I think he's so gentle. Like he has the most gentlest voice, like he wouldn't harm a soul. And I will say that, you know, my role to Catholicism is through him as well. Because I remember when I first met him and I was just going to the Catholic church, just going to mass not like as an outsider and Mr. California, one day he said, you know, why don't you meet with the priest and see what you could do and maybe be a part of it and even though I was blocked A year after he had told me that I went ahead with my baptism being only the only person being baptized in the church, and I was still blocked at the time. And I just remember sending him an email and saying, thank you for, for leading me to the place that I call home.

Eric 20:23

A major question I want to ask you is when it comes to the road to recovery and fighting addictions and growing from those past events, do you feel that without finding your faith you would be in the position you're in right now?

Lynn 20:43

No, if I didn't find my face, I would be nowhere. I'd be drifting into nothingness because honestly. My faith is so strong after everything I've been through, and this is coming from like, you know, a little Muslim girl in Brooklyn who went to mosques, you know, whose grandmother was a Haj? And a Haj is someone who goes to Hajj, which is the pilgrimage to Mecca, people there were Hodges and Hodgins and my family priests and Muslim priestesses and I. They had all of that. I never connected with faith. I never believed in Muhammad. I never believed in their message. I never was a part of that faith. So I was just aimless for years thinking God is just punishing me because I'm not doing the right thing. And I just felt that God was always punishing and I never believed that. God was a redeemer I mean, the people would say, you know, God loves you. And I would look at them like, really? No. God is waiting to smite you. God doesn't love you. God is just waiting for you to mess up so you can just, you know, whatever. That's how I viewed God for all my life. And people might argue that the Catholic church is the same way that the Catholics are like, you know, God will punish you if you do this, but it's not that it doesn't matter if you're Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, whatever, you're still a Christian. And Jesus Christ gave this life for us on the cross, and I'm learning now, and even the Bible studies that I'm doing, I'm learning about the Book of John. Jesus even says that it's your second life. That you are redeemed. It's not the life that you were born in. It's your second life after baptism, after you found Jesus, after you were showered in the water, the living water that he describes, Jesus describes it's your second life that God, that God recognizes. The person you are becoming, you have sinned, you have done all this stuff, but you can be redeemed. you can find your way. And after all of that that I've been through, I found my way. I did.

Eric 22:41

and

Lynn 22:41

really did.

Eric 22:42

so much happier. you seem guided, you seem like you're really ecstatic about the future. That's well deserved. I will say I'm agnostic myself. but that being said, I grew up with, very religious friends, very religious family members. and so I understand the respect that religion deserves, and the power it plays for

Lynn 23:03

Mm-hmm.

Eric 23:03

I

Lynn 23:04

Mm-hmm.

Eric 23:05

that there's room for disrespect, at all for anyone's beliefs or thoughts.

Lynn 23:09

Mm-hmm.

Eric 23:09

so to hear you go from somebody who experienced faith in one form, but it didn't work for them, and then transition into the experiences that you've had, and then find this faith that worked for you. I say, congratulations. I think that who hears your story could easily sit there and say, oh, she came from one faith abolished. It had these events happen to her and then she just adopted another faith. I've heard it time and time again The assault, the verbal assault from people who believe a certain way. But, have you experienced that at all in your life?

Lynn 23:45

not outright, because I haven't really told my story this plainly and specifically, especially about faith. I didn't abolish Islam. Islam will always be what I was born into, my entire family. And I remember the priest asking me, will your family be okay with this? 'cause he was worried for me personally, if as a Muslim converting to Catholicism what that would do to me. And I, as long as I had the support of my mom and dad, my dad. Could not come to my baptism. he came to my house, he was gonna come to my baptism, but he couldn't do it. But my mom came and even though my dad couldn't come to the church 'cause honestly, he's a Muslim man, so it bothered him. I know it bothered him. but he stayed in my apartment while me and my mom went to my baptism. As long as he was that close, he almost did it. I was so proud. And so I guess the only like backlash you would say I received was probably from the extended family, which my mom is kind of not lying to them, but kind of like just avoiding saying it. But I'm sure they know. Through other means, they know. But, it's, I have someone outright tell me that I've just, a abolished one and adopted another. I didn't adopt Christianity. I didn't adopt Catholicism. Christ came to me on the floor of that jail cell and, you know, I will challenge anyone who says I abolish Islam and when adopted Catholicism to put themselves where I was. Put yourself in a jail cell at the floor in facing a toilet with four other women during COV. When you have to shit in front of these women, you have to pee in front of these women and you know, this is your life. For 10 months, there was no room for anything else but Christ. There was no room.

Eric 25:33

again, it's as somebody who doesn't, technically assign with a faith to hear something like that, I, I think I can really appreciate. growth that you're experiencing because it's, it takes a lot again, it takes a very emotionally strong, mentally strong, an incredible person to go through what you did. Experience what you experience. And then there in that moment, realize this, this isn't for me. I can't, this cannot be my life. And then you find something that gives you that purpose. It's, most people go their whole lives without that. And I think it, it's an incredible thing.

Lynn 26:07

Well, I will say that you know, things in life snowball. So like if you find something, find a purpose, let's say, let's say you don't have a job and you're really struggling and. for some reason, you find yourself at a soup kitchen and they need a volunteer. And then you volunteer a couple of nights and then someone walks in there and sees that you look kind of outta place that you're volunteering. Like, you know, you're kind of fancy for volunteering. You got, you know, some fancy shoes and you got some fancy clothes and you're too fancy to be really be volunteering at a soup kitchen and someone just notices you and just talks to you and finds out why you're there. And. You know, you're like, oh, I just saw these people, I needed to, I wanted to help them. And then they offer you a job right then and there. 'cause they were talking to you. Life snowballs. You never know what you're gonna run into. And, you know, I stumble into something called the Legion of Mary, which is part of the Catholic Church. And what the Legion does is We go out into the public and we give communion to the home bound and people in nursing homes and, people who can't make it to church and they wanna receive the communion, the host. And, we bring it to them and we spend time with them, we talk to them. And I had, you know, a woman that we see. who used to do the jail ministry at our church, but it was closed down during COVID. So she gave me all these materials, which I'm studying and I'm trying to keep up with it. And the name of a sergeant over at a jail where I can probably if I. Pass the test to become a Eucharistic minister. In a couple of months, I can actually get ordained and then be able to go and bring the jail ministry into the jails into the same place from where I was.

Eric 27:53

beautiful. What full circle? I.

Lynn 27:54

It's full circle. It really is. I will say that I do miss, I was starting to do it, but I couldn't make it out to Raleigh anymore. I met someone at this candle shop I used to work at. When I was at the rehab, you had to get a job in order to leave the rehab. So I ended up getting this job at a candle shop with a lady who gave me a chance. She knew I had a record and she wanted me to help her out. And, I worked at this candle shop for a while. I learned how to do candle making classes. It was a lot of fun The lady who hired me had a friend who worked for, NC Works, a government building in Raleigh. And she did classes, she did job preparation. She did, Empowerment classes for people who just came outta prison. And what I would do is I think it was Wednesday I used to go every Wednesday and host the class for job preparation for these prison inmates. So all my years of human resources, all the years of interviews I ever did, I was able to show and tell these people how to dress for an interview, how to be prepared for interviews, what interview questions people told, and How to best land a job, and that was one of the most rewarding things that I've ever done. And I'm trying to look in my area here where I'm at. If I can find an organization or somewhere where I can prepare people who have a record, who's been homeless, who doesn't have the most polished background to help them finally get a job.

Eric 29:14

It's so lovely to hear you go through what you did and then decide that it's best to just give back to the community.

Lynn 29:23

Well, yeah, I made a lot of money at that first job in New York. And people make a lot of money, but. What does that money give you? I mean, you see it all the time. All these Hollywood stars and all these musicians, they commit suicide. They get into drugs, they get into alcohol. What does that money buy you? I mean, I'm not saying don't want money. I mean, everybody needs money for something they need. But God, why do you need six figures? Can you live on five? You know, can you buy a little car, get a little house, and just. Be part of your community. I feel like so many people are one, upping each other. Like, I need the biggest house, I need the biggest car, I need the best looking husband, the best looking wife. God, what does that get you?

Eric 30:07

And so, to the point of structure, you know, I feel that what you're doing and what you're giving is. Exactly what you should be doing. I always believed that people are born innately good. That they're a product of their environment. And you are proving both correct, that you are innately good, but to the contrary. You were a product of your environment up until you decided not to, to the point where you said you found something else, that would make you happy. And you still found that good, you had that good in you to do this. So it's really lovely to talk to someone like you who really understands just the value of a human life and what it means to be a community.

Lynn 30:55

Well, I tell you this, this would've never happened if I was still in New York.. you've heard about the future, what I've done, and you heard my story, but I didn't really get into details about the dark years. The dark years were when I was from The age of 27 or 28, all the way up to when I was 40 when I met my husband and left New York. So I'd say 12 to 13 years of pure darkness. I was the original OnlyFans girl, except I was giving it away for free. I was on the internet just doing all kinds of devious, terrible things with my body and then online, Before OnlyFans was getting paid, these girls were getting paid. I was giving it away for free and it was a completely empty, miserable existence. And if I didn't leave New York, if I didn't meet my husband, and if I didn't go to jail, if I wasn't homeless, I would've still been. In that space and all of that was while I was alcohol induced, drinking every single day, you know, taking my, this is what I did and this is why I was hospitalized every year for those 12 years because I would wake up in the morning, take my pills thinking that my pills wore off till noon, drank a bunch of liquor all day till like five o'clock, wait till the booze wear off, then take my medicine and then go to sleep, and then do whatever it is that I was doing. That was my existence for 12 years.

Eric 32:14

You know, I think for all of that, just incredible that you made it here. that you're talking about this with us now, and

Lynn 32:23

yes,

Eric 32:23

to

Lynn 32:24

yes.

Eric 32:25

to know you a lot better. And I think it's, amazing to me that we're able to about this incredible life that you had, these wild ups and downs where you were, You were very successful. You were on the right track. You were doing incredible things.

Lynn 32:42

I was knocked down to like my lowest. I was just knocked off, off whatever horse that I was. With the bi, it was a bipolar diagnosis. It was, that's what started it. I lost everything. I lost my job. I lost everything,

Eric 32:53

But then from that, you shot right back. You came back and you are doing incredible work. You have an incredible focus, How bright is that future for you. I know we started talking about the future and then we kind of doubled back into a few things, but I really wanna know what does it look like for you? what are those goals and dreams that you're pushing for?

Lynn 33:13

it'd probably be a life of Mr. California because he's the man I've always dreamed about. I mean, I've spent my entire life with all these men doing all these things and not knowing what I wanted in a partner, not understanding what a partner actually meant, what that someone actually protected himself and pushed me away so far, but. Left the door open anyway, and then, as far as the future goes, I mean, my future is gonna be just telling my story to whoever will hear it, probably, and telling them that you can. Lose everything so many times. You can hit rock bottom. You could be in the worst relationship. you can be in jail. I might as well have been in jail for those 12 years, in those 12 years of darkness because my existence was my jail. everything was my jail. My room was my jail, and then I actually went to jail. I mean, I've been in a cage. For so many years, it feels so good to be free and people will say, oh, you know, you're in a long distance relationship. That's not really, really a relationship. It is for me because my husband just left in 2023. I am just figuring out. What it is that I want, what it is that I love. I just spent $200 to detail my car. My car looks gorgeous, and I can do that. I don't have to worry about kids needing food. I don't have to worry about a husband wanting to, buy beer. I'm living my life. I'm going wherever I want. I get to live this life and I'm gonna keep living it. And honestly, I look at Mr. California as a man that's gonna meet me where I'm at, and that, maybe in two or three years he'll make it out there or I'll pick up everything and I'll go to California. The future is not set. Maybe my future is in California. He's always wanted to be a director. He talks, he knows everything about movies, Maybe our dreams. Can come true out there. Or maybe it could be here in North Carolina. me starting the jail ministry and moving forward with the jail ministry and giving hope to those in prison and, starting programs for like employment programs for people in prison who need to find jobs and they don't know how to find jobs or even how to make a resume 'cause they've been in prison for so long. So that we don't become a number, we don't become like, you know, just a statistic. I think the worst thing that we're becoming is statistics to like these people who say, we made a hundred thousand jobs in January. Who the hell had those jobs? Where are those jobs going? Who got those jobs? I've just been like looking at all these different things where people are just struggling to get work. It's so hard to get a job or get a career or get anything. It doesn't have to be,

36:06

Thank you so much for listening to this deeply personal and powerful continuation of Lynn's story. Since this recording, Lynn's journey has continued to evolve in amazing ways. She's become a Eucharistic minister, dedicating her time to serving others in her faith and her community. She's also volunteering by hosting a radio program where she reads stories to the blind through down East Radio, sharing comfort, connection, and joy through her voice. And she's now celebrating the anniversary of her baptism, A milestone that reflects the peace and purpose. She's worked so hard to find. I truly enjoy every moment that I had with Lynn, getting to talk with her about her journey, her life, her experiences, all of the hard times she's been through, all of the good that's going to come. She has been a beacon of hope, hopefully not just to me, but to others that listen. If Lynn's story resonated with you, please consider sharing the episode with somebody who might need to hear it. I think Lynn would really appreciate getting her voice out there, and if she could help anyone, just one person, I think that'd be more than enough. If you have a story to tell or maybe just wanna come on the podcast to have a conversation, please shoot me an email here for you. Pod, HEAR, number four Y-O-U-P-O d@gmail.com. I am always game to talk. Also, if you like the podcast and you think others would enjoy it too, please feel free to share it. It's on Spotify, most all pod catchers that you can find. And really would help us out a little bit. I'd like to get as many stories under my belt as possible, so as many people that I can hear it. Hopefully that's as many people that I can talk to. Thank you guys so much for listening, and I'll catch you in the next one.