Adjoining Suites & Ocean Paranoia: A Breaking Sterile Maui Layover

Note: A slightly different episode this week as we tried something new…After returning from a two-week vacation, Cody kicks off his workday with a McDonald's breakfast and a mildly infuriating tech meltdown over the dreaded "spinning wheel of death". Once the duo escapes their pre-flight computer woes and actually makes it to Maui, they celebrate scoring adjoining hotel suites before heading down to raid the beach gear closet. Matthew enthusiastically treats this hotel supply room like the high-fashion vault in The Devil Wears Prada, snagging a sand-free tote bag before venturing out to the beach. Despite his intense hatred for the ocean, Matthew braves the water for an hour strictly because he is counting on Cody to act as his personal lifeguard. The layover eventually wraps up back at the Denver airport at 6:00 a.m.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:13

The show is about the part of the job that lives just outside the announcement. Sometimes all in the same way. The show exists just for safety. And the show exists for everything else. Hi from Hawaii. So we're in Maui. We are. And um I've recorded some uh day in the life of the flight attendant. And it starts right now. Okay, Cody. This is for our new podcast. We're going on a trip together. We are. Are you excited? I chose meal cart just for you. I know I saw that. I'm kind of impressive. I'm gonna be in a lot of pain. Did you bring your little backstratcher thing? I did. Okay, good. And you're back from your holiday. Yeah. We'll talk about that later. Yeah. So tell everybody what you're doing right now besides eating your breakfast from McDonald's. Eating my breakfast. I've been gone for like two weeks and my passwords expired. Has it? Yes. That's always really annoying. Well the tech office is probably closed. Yes. It is. It's a 24-hour operation. And are you doing like stuff for Cody's purser today? Um, yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. What do you why? Because I like to do a play-by-play of what we're doing. I think people will be interested. Yeah, it's my first day back in 14 days, and I'm a little out of sorts. Oh. Good thing I'm here two hours early. Why are you here two hours? Well, we're both here two hours early. I commuted in from somewhere. From my home home. Oh, the home you don't want anybody to know where you came from? That place. So funny. So I went to a party last night and I had several people who I haven't spoken to since I was like 10 tell me they love our podcast. They do? And I was mortified that then we have an audience. And they're like, why? I was like, I because I didn't I just don't think anyone listens to the cards. That's why you have to be careful about what you say and why I edit everything out. I don't think everybody realizes that we record for like an hour and then I take half an hour out. Yeah, so tell everyone that I saw yesterday. What kind of party was it? It was my father's uh surprise party. It wasn't a surprise party. It was surprised I was it was a surprise because I he didn't know I was coming. Oh, yeah. No. But it was his 70th birthday party. Oh I know. I went to a 70th birthday party. Just to tell you how old I am. Yeah. I went to a 70th birthday party for my friend Dan yesterday. Really? Uh-oh. That's fun. Yeah. That was really fun. Did you get more sleep than I did? No. Because I had the weirdest dream. That I was shifting timelines. And then I had to like tell the gods that I was really wanted to be in the current timeline. And it really bothered me. I don't even know what it means. But I was like, I love flying. I don't want to leave leave this timeline. That was Well, maybe you're going to a timeline where you actually fly. What is this? What am I doing now? No, I mean like like you're like like you actually fly. Like you actually fly. Like like your your person flies. In space? Like a Superman? Yeah. Oh. That makes no sense. But neither does shifting timelines. So Cody right. So he's trying to log into our computers because you're 97 days. I think you should redo it. No, I it worked yesterday. Because it just says Barkham Cody, welcome, spinning wheel of death. Spinning wheel of death. Whatever. That's okay. I'm not in that big of a hurry. What are you most looking forward to for the flight today? Because we're not gonna record when we're on the plane, because that would be against the well, I don't think it's really against the. No one's a hot. It really is. Um I I the beach, because I haven't I haven't had enough suntime in the 14 days that I've been gone. And I've never been to the beach though. Ever? No. We're going to Maui. That's very thing. Okay, well we'll go tomorrow. It's windy though. The last time I was there last week it was windy. Well we have to go early. Alright, well, I'm gonna go try and do yoga in the morning. At the hotel. Okay. It's at 7 a.m. Does a hotel do it? Uh huh. Well that's fine. I know. Yeah, we'll go before after that. Okay. Well, if there's anything else exce you this I can't believe this is still spinning Cody, log out. No. Log out. No. Log out. No. It's not it's nothing's gonna happen, and you're just gonna be angry. I'm not angry about it. You're all the way no. I'm not you're angry. I don't really care. I didn't really even need to log on in the first place. Are you gonna like print out sheets and stuff? Or you're just gonna wing it? I don't ever print out sheets. You don't print out like where everybody's sitting until because you know why? Why? You're adults who should know where you're sitting. No, not you. Like you don't like to say, like you don't like to know where all the cu who the all the customers' names are and oh no, that, yeah, no, I'm doing that. Like the menu. Uh-huh. Oh, you're doing that. Yeah. Cody's pointing to where the menu sheets are.

unknown 5:57

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Already that are already printed out. Which you which you designed. I did design that. I know. Okay, go back to eating your McMuffin bike. You would have been really proud of me today. Why is that? Because you know how stressed I get when I commute? Yeah. Uh-huh. As a commuter, that's fair, I would think for me. Well, for you. Well, for it's to listen to me. Yeah. Okay. So today, so from Palm Springs to Denver, it's like been all downgraded to regional to 175s. And they only have 76 seats. So I was like, okay, you know, I'm just gonna assume that I'm gonna get it. So it went from like eight available seats to six available seats to seven available seats to nine available seats, then I went back down to seven. Then I was number one for a seat, then I was number two, then I was number four, now I was number three when I got there. Or the company, the way the company clears everything is automatic now. Right. And they cleared me exactly a half hour early. Which is which also irritates me. Why? I don't know. You like to be cleared. Well, sometimes they clear earlier than that if there's a lot of seats. Yeah, I mean I appreciate that, but I had to buy a ticket today. Yeah, she did. Because you were on a 175. Yeah, I had to buy a first class ticket. Oh did you get a free snack? I slept the whole time. Oh. My flight attendants were really nice. I always like the Skywest flight attendants are always lovely. Yeah, they're they're lovely. Really? My bag that didn't fit. I can fit in every bin, but it was too long for the big bins. Oh, okay. So he was like, he's like, yeah, I'll just put your bag in the closet. Oh, thank you. Oh. Thank you, Skywest Flight Attendant. Yeah, that was nice. I hate technology. I just want to say that oh my god, it's been like at least 10 minutes and it's still spinning wheel to death. Just log out of that.

SPEAKER_04 7:45

Joey! Have you ever been in a in a Turkish prison?

SPEAKER_03 7:50

Morning. It's the morning now. And we just woke up the next day after our flight, and Cody's putting on deodorant. For n for nobody. No, I don't want to smell gross. You're only I don't put on deodorant. I know, but you're you think I smell bad? No. These are things that people need to know. I mean, I put on deodorant when I fly. Do you though? I do. What? I went to the food trucks last night. Oh. They were really cool. With everybody? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. And um uh one of the flight attendants and I had so much in common that we were it was really cool. Like we found out like we've had similar paths and all this other stuff. So you never know who you're flying with. You know, I'll I'll keep it that way. Oh, wait, I need my key. What do I have mine? Oh, but I don't have mine. But you don't need it. I so Cody checked us into the hotel in Maui and got us adjoining rooms, but they're suites. So now it's like we have a big giant room that's like our apartment against it. Yeah, but it's bigger. We have our own bed. And it's bigger with like giant couches and four TVs. Yeah, that is true. Surely you can't be serious. I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. So now we're going to the beach. Is this like a day in the life? A day in the life, but but not. Oh, if that noise is the hotel cleaners cleaning. Oh my god. Well, this is the very exciting life of a flight tenant on a layover. But this is what, you know, I this is the true layover experience. We're going, well, the hotel, it's very exciting. The hotel provides us with beach accoutrement. Yeah. Like a chair. Cody broke the chair last time we was here. My fat ass was going down the staircase now because I don't know why. I'm wearing flip-flops and I don't like my Yeah, but my flip-flops are more dangerous than your you have more support on your flip-flops. Have you ever watched Crystal Carson? I don't even know who that is. Flip-flops and like if you get one. That's so true. I think about that all the time. Do we have safety videos about how to behave on layovers? And they should include that. Like where appropriate. You know, because it's supposed to walk like a penguin. Cody's ignoring me now. Okay, so we're about to go into the gear room. Cannot handle this right now. This is called content. It's apparently what our breaders, our listeners want. Oh, it's just so funny. Oh, let's get the it's like, you know what this reminds me of? Wait, this room reminds me of in Devil Words Prada. Oh, when they go into the room and it has everything in it. If you could see what this room has, it has beach chairs, it has a a tote bag for your stuff. So I'm gonna take that. And wait, Cody, the tote bag has zippers, so it protects you from the sand. Oh my god, that's so nice. And there's candy. And what is that? An umbrella? Yes. Can we bring the umbrella? Well, you can bring it. Why? I'm not taking it. It's gonna be sunny now. That's the point of the beach. And it has uh Matt doesn't like sun or nice things. I do what? Well, my nice things. Matt likes nice things. He does not like sun or fun things. Fun things? What's a fun thing? What are you talking about? What do you just said I don't like fun things?

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Like the beach.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

Oh, but what's the difference between the wrapped-up towel, the sand-free beach towel is down here? Are they all sand-free? Beach or not, please. Okay, we'll talk later.

SPEAKER_04 12:09

Never hang around the gymnasium.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

Okay, so we're at the beach right now. Cody just Cody has little tight swimming trunks. Swimmer. What are those? He's wearing yeah, he has the little swimmers at his speedo.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

We haven't gotten there yet.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

And then our other crew member is here. Why don't you introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_04 12:29

I am David.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

David, you're our first guest on our podcast. David, why didn't you bring stuff from the hotel? Because we could bring chairs and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

Oh no, because I already came out here. I've been up since like six o'clock. Been walking around, so I just came out to do a swim.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

What did you do last night after we ate?

SPEAKER_04 12:46

Uh we just do anything. I went back home. Oh. Yeah. I'm going to wait to bed. Home is the hotel. Home is the hotel.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

That's exciting. So what do you think of our what do you think of Cody as a purser?

SPEAKER_04 12:59

He's great.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

Is he? Tell the truth.

SPEAKER_04 13:02

He really is. No, he's not, not really.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

So I just went into the ocean. And we were in there for how long? How long were we in there for?

unknown 13:14

An hour.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

How long do you're there for an hour? And Cody's wearing his little tight manchini. It's very lovely here, isn't it? Say something funny, Cody. How many things at the moment? Okay. There's a lot of people at the beach. Very nice. Oh look, the water's really blue. Like turquoisey blue. It's really pretty.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

Joy. You like movies about gladiators.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

So, Cody, we've finished our trip. We're back. Why are we doing that? What time is it? It is early. It is five something in the morning. How fast did we get here? Fast. Five hours and thirty minutes. I know. People ate a lot of things. Only because the pilots wanted to catch their commute flight. They ate a lot. Yes, I know. They ate all the food.

unknown 14:18

I know.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Why don't they do all- Oh David's here? David's commuting back to you know, he's going to Atlanta. Yeah. To see my mom's birthday. Oh. Your first motivation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Are you gonna go to the body?

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Okay. Anyway, uh, that was very exciting. Great trip. Okay, we're still in Denver Airport. Cody decided to get some McDonald's before he takes the train home. How's your McDonald's? So good. But it's probably because I'm so tired. It's so good. And my plane's at 8 o'clock. Did you get a nap last yesterday? Yeah. How long? I went to bed when you went to bed. I went to bed. Not when you went to bed. Two Yeah, I had a good two hours sleep. I had one hour sleep. Oh, why? Because I couldn't sleep. Oh. I I can always sleep. I can't too, but for some reason I couldn't yesterday. Cody, it's really important to sleep before fighting. Or else you become grumpy. No, I don't. You're grumpy right now. No, I'm not grumpy right now. No. Only reason why grumpy is because we're doing this this in the moment podcast right now. Yes. 6 a.m. Yeah. And now we return you to our regular scheduled program in progress. Yes, I was. And then um I had to actually finagle seven trips later. Well, first I was on a Miami 24-hour layover, then I switched into a Philadelphia, then I switched into a Raleigh, then I switched back into the Miami, and then I had the Long DC. Long DC, and then in the middle of the night, this popped in, and so I was able to trade into it. Yeah. And so here I am. And this is my first trip back after two weeks on vacation. Oh, that's right. So this is I was trying to be as nice as I could. Why don't you tell everybody where you went on vacation? I did a lovely cruise. It's so close. I did a lovely cruise for 10 days. And it was lovely. Where did you go? Uh I went from Hawaii to Vancouver. And there was lots and lots and lots and lots of sea days, which was exactly what I needed because I didn't have to get up early. I didn't have to do anything. Just got to do whatever. I ate I ate too much and gained some weight, but it's all good. Did you make new friends? I did. I I made some really good friends from Texas and from uh Vancouver. What did you think of your best friend working up front with you? Well, we've done it before. I know, but was I good? I mean you weren't bad. Okay, I just want to Okay. He was fine. He did a good job. Well, I was first class galley on the Hawaii, and they have on the 777, and it's a big galley, and it's uh got a lot of food. But it wasn't actually that hard. No, it's not. It's really easy. Yeah. You just have to be really organized, that's the only thing. Yeah, and I kept it pretty clean, didn't I? Yes. Right? No? Cody. Trying to. You did a great job. Thank you. Oh, Cody. What? We got our lines out again. My favorite topic. Oh god, yes. Guess we got the first choice. Yeah, but guess who's already complaining about his their first their first choice? So I don't want to hear about. Guess catch first choice. I got my third choice, and I'm not complaining. Well, I'm only I well, the thing is, is like I spend so much time bit figuring out which line I want, and then when I get it, I'm like, oh wait, why did I pick that one? Yeah, because you're complaining. Well, if anybody is gonna be in Toronto for 24 hours at least four times in the month of June, I will be there. Maybe I should have a meetup. Oh, there's so many airplane things that we need to talk about. Yeah. Uh there was an evacuation on the runway. Wasn't there a frontier evacuation? Yeah. Yeah. And um they recorded it, and Cody, they had the people were taking pictures of their kids in front of the engines. Uh-huh. Back to this whole like taking your bags thing. Like it, why you take your bags? This is this is an emergency situation. You know, you don't know if the plane is on fire, you don't know if there's smoke, you don't know any of these things. Get off the damn plane. Well, I mean, I think I think this shows real real deficiencies in airport perimeter security. And not just at our airport. I mean, and our our airport is you you can fit the city of Boston inside of our airport perimeter. More of the story. I'll take your bags. Uh, we went to the beach today. I'm not a beach person. No, you're not. I was telling our one of our co-work coworkers, I said, you know, Matt hates hates water. He hates oceans, he hates hate is a big word. No, it's not. You've told me you hate the you hate the water. Why do you? And then every every time we come to Hawaii, we're in the ocean. Well, because I feel safer because you're there, so I can but I won't go in by myself. Why is it just because I'm there? Because if someone needs to help me, you're gonna help me. Who's I'm not helping you? We had a lot of passengers flying in here. Which were all lovely. Was that said with any hint of sarcastic? No, I'm 100% honest. Like, like we had a really I thought it was a good crowd. We had a great crew. We had the baby in one K. Oh, yeah. I took a Polaroid of their family. Yeah. I bring a Polaroid camera on the plane, and like if someone's being really nice, I say, Do you want a t want a picture? and Which is so funny because he was just talking this morning about how how flight attendants bring all this extra crap on the plane that they don't need. And that is also one of those things that you don't need. That's okay. That's true. But you don't need to bring tea lights and strings of lights and plants to adorn the I mean I do like when people bring flowers and petals and put them in the bathroom in the lab. Nope. No? No. Why? No, because it's so no. But I was checking everybody in yesterday, and I checked myself in, and then I checked in Matt, and I put him in the room next to us, not realizing it was an adjoining room. So we're ba it's basically like we're in training again. Yeah. But we have our own rooms this time. But with four TVs. Four TVs. And a king-sized bed. Yeah. Two king-sized beds and a couch. Yeah. Couches and yeah. What did I did I do anything exciting? I went to see some musicals in Palm Springs. How are those? One was not very good, but and but I have another one this week that I'm going to. Okay. I'm doing a lot of theater in Palm Springs. I feel like it sort of satisfies my old life and my artistic sense and like wanting to put on a show, you know. Like they have this cool thing in Palm Springs where they have all the theater companies get together and they have open auditions for all the theater companies. Okay. And I would totally go and do it, except I'm working and flying, and I don't really have time to even potentially be in anything. Not that anybody would cast me in anything. But um I don't know. You play you play you play a really good um flight attendant. Paranoid um angry old man. Oh, thanks, Cody. I always know what to say to make me feel better. You know, I'm here for you. Thank you. No, so um, so I go see I try and see a lot of theater and I try I drag Steve along with me. Yeah. He has Steve has very strong opinions about everything. Yes. So when he sees something he doesn't like, I can see him turn red or turn another color. Like we saw something that both of us didn't like, and I felt really bad. I wanted to get out of the the uh he was crawling out of his skin. Why? Because it was really bad. And I'm not gonna say what show it was in Palm Springs, but it was really bad. And I felt badly. Like I could see him squirming. And I and and then the second act came around, he's like, we have to leave. And I was like, We're not leaving, because maybe it'll get better. Did it? No, it was horrible. You know, I'm still casting every once in a while, like I'm working on a film right now, but I'm I I and a lot of the actors come from LA. It's a nice opportunity to see new people in things. And sometimes it's not the actor's fault. It's sometimes it's just bad direction, or they just the the text isn't coming through the way it should be coming through, you know. Right, I get it. Um but this this uh one was not good, and he he he was like, I don't know if I want to come see any more theater with you. I have to I have to vet I have to like do a full vetting now and explain to him what the show's about beforehand and Which I'm not gonna do. I'm just gonna say you're coming with me because you're my husband and you have no choice. Right. But we've been very social in Palm Springs, which is really nice. Well, I I I think you needed that though. I did, because I like I felt very isolated in. I think it's a really hard city when you I I think for me as I got older, I wasn't into going to all the different places that people go to ha just hang out. Right. And now I feel like I'm part of a group of friends, and they have dinner parties, and they go out for lunch, and they go to movies together, and everything's really easy to go see, and there's like the flight attendants that are retired that I like to talk to and hang out with, and they're super sweet. You're yawning again. I'm tired. Okay, well, Cody needs to go take a nap, so we're gonna end the podcast. Well, you know what, as but but I will say it last time we last time we recorded a podcast was in well this wasn't, but last time we did it in at your house, yeah, it was right after I got back from a Hawaii trip. Uh and we recorded the podcast and we were this we were listening to it afterwards to like figure out, and I fell asleep. Yeah. That was like, get up! So I'm not adverse to falling asleep anywhere because I can do that. Well, and I'm not gonna end the podcast the way I normally end it, because you told me not to. Well, that sounds weird. No. Well, I mean, you could have you could have just gone beyond that and not said anything at all, and it would have been just like. Well, how do you think? Well, we're just gonna end it now. And now it's like, well, now now it now it sounds awkward.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

That's our descent. Thanks for flying with us. Behind every uniform is a real human doing their best at 35,000 feet. Be kind to your crew. Hydrate. We don't just fly the world, we live in it. Sterile keeps us safe. Breaking it keeps us human. This has been breaking sterile.