I Was Here, But I Wasn't Alive

Some of us are not alive while we are here.

This episode came from a moment I had recently — one I did not plan, but could not ignore.

Sitting in a movie theater, I found myself thinking about something I have thought about many times before: the difference between the time I have lived and the time I likely have left.

But this time, it stayed with me.

What struck me most was not only that time is limited.

It was how different life can feel once you finally arrive at something real — and realize how long it took to get there.

For a long stretch of my life, I was not really living.

I was just getting through it.

In this episode of THEE BIG SWING, I reflect on what it feels like when something you have known for a long time becomes something you can no longer ignore — and the quiet realization that life moves faster than you think.

This is not advice.

It is just something I am seeing more clearly now.

And maybe it is worth seeing a little earlier.

This episode is also paired with the original companion song “Alive While I’m Here,” performed by Marcus Reede, from Thee Big Swing Sessions.

The episode tells the story.
The reflection goes deeper.
The song carries the feeling.

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THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Big Swing where everyone has an opportunity to learn. This episode came from a moment I had this week. Wasn't something I planned, just something that stayed with me. And it feels worth sharing. Yeah, I want to talk about a moment I had this week when my thinking was sharpened. I was watching a movie in a theater, first time for a long time I had done that. I went with someone and found it was a wonderful movie, and it had me beginning to think about life. And the funny thing about it was I thought every kid should watch this movie because it shows that we're all in this thing called life on this planet that we call Earth together. But beyond that, at some point as the movie progressed, I started thinking, wow, I'm 61, turning 62. And how much time do I have left? I started thinking, and at one point I began to cry as I talked to the person I went to the movie theater with, and they're younger than me, much younger. I was saying to them, it's ironic that by the time you get to learn how to live and what it's all about and who you are, is right around the time it's running out. I said to them, you know, I have so much time less than I have had. And when I lived in the past, I really wasn't living. I was just making it through.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

And now that I know and understand some things, I think that's when I began to cry.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

And I said to them, listen, don't waste time. If you're going to do something, go for it. If you have an idea, explore it. I said to them, I was your age just a few years ago. Now it was 33 years ago. And those 33 years went by like a blink of an eye. You don't want to catch yourself at some point saying, I have these regrets, or even that I just really didn't utilize my time well. I don't want to call it a commodity because it has much more value than that. We can't replace time. And then I went on to expound my thoughts to that person even more, but really to myself. Nobody makes it out of here alive. No one. But so many of us behave like we are, like it's not going to happen to us. Because who wants to think about their demise? And then I thought, some of us aren't alive when we're here. And it was like a moment of like I purged. And then I also began to realize that at this point in life, I'm winning. I'm in the third act. And I started thinking about what's happening and who it's happening with. That's a newfound sense of knowledge and self. But I used to think nice guys finish last. And then it dawned on me, I've been a nice guy, and I felt like I was up short many times. And in fact, I finally am winning. That was the bright spot. But I do say to people, don't act like or live like you're gonna make it out of here alive. Because it's not gonna happen. It's not easy to actualize yourself. It takes effort and a commitment and time to learn how to do that. But if we really want to enjoy the ride, we have to learn to live as though the clock is going to stop ticking for us.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

And I don't know, the sooner we get at it, the realization of what we have the better off we'll be. Something to think about.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Worth the time to help us be better versions of ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

I'm not saying this as advice.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

It's just something I'm seeing more clearly now. And maybe it's worth seeing a little earlier.