The Words I Couldn’t Say

Have you ever known exactly how you felt about someone — but when the moment came to say it out loud, the words disappeared?

In this episode of THEE BIG SWING, I sit down with a listener for a deeply honest conversation about love, timing, regret, and the emotional cost of silence.

She reflects on a moment when someone she cared about expressed how they felt — and although she felt the same way, she could not say it back. Not because the feelings weren’t there, but because fear, outside advice, past hurt, and the desire not to look foolish got in the way.

What follows is a conversation about the space between what we feel and what we are able to express. It is also a reflection on how other people’s opinions can shape our choices, especially when we are inexperienced, wounded, or afraid to repeat old mistakes.

But this is not only a story about regret. It is also a story about care, friendship, emotional maturity, and the strange ways people can remain important in our lives even after romance changes form.

Inside this conversation:

• Why saying what we feel can be harder than feeling it
• How fear of looking foolish can silence honest emotion
• The danger of letting outside voices make intimate decisions for us
• Why timing matters in love
• How some relationships survive by becoming something different
• What it means to look back and finally say the words that were once withheld

Sometimes the biggest swing is not chasing love.

Sometimes it is having the courage to say what was true when the moment was still in front of you.

After you listen:
A written reflection for this episode is available at theebigswing.com/reflections.
You can also listen to the companion song from Thee Big Swing Sessions, created from the emotional center of this episode.

Listen here: The Words I Couldn't Say, performed by Ophelia Ellis.

The episode tells the story. The song carries the feeling.

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THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the big twing where everyone has an opportunity. Have you ever known exactly how you felt about someone? But the second they asked you to say it out loud, the words just disappeared. Today's conversation is about that gap. The space between what we feel and what we're able to express and what it costs us.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Hi.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Hello. Take us back to a time when someone asked you how you felt about them early on and what was going on in your head in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Well, someone asked me how I felt about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

And in that moment, now what are you talking about? Are you talking about like romantic? Could be anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

It could be it could be friends. It's up to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Well, I can only recall one time. Cause I don't get asked that question a lot. So and it can only be in a romantic context. Um because people genuinely like me. When it comes to, you know, the relationships, people genuinely like me. I'm delightful.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

You do say that, and you are.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Um, I'm every mother's dream uh for those who want to introduce me to their mother. Um, but yeah, I'm I'm pretty delightful, and that's not to say that as you know, being arrogant. Um, that's how the Lord made me. I can't help myself. Um, I'm sweet, I'm delightful. And from a regular like interactive conversation with people, friends, colleagues, comrades, you know, no one has a reason to say that they don't like me. Well, um, and so from that standpoint, no, no one has ever said to me in in that context how they feel about me, because I already know how they feel about me. But in a romantic rel in a man in a romantic conversation, yes, someone has said to me how they felt about me, and because I was coming from something that I jumped into too fast, even though I felt the same way, I did not reciprocate it immediately. Um, and so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Well, that's that's real, that's honest. Oh, that's as real as you can get. So I don't know how long ago that was exactly. From that time until now, how have you changed?

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Well, I was operating in a way that pleased others, and not necessarily pleased others, but I cared what other people thought. And that version of me no longer exists because there's a large world out there, and in order for me to be in it, I had to explore it and not care what other people think. Um, and so how I've changed is that I've adopted the I don't have a heaven or a hell to put nobody in, nobody has a heaven or a hell to put me in, and I have to experience life for myself.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

And because if I act on what I think I should do, well, no, I've decided that I need to act on what I think I should do and what's best for me and not what's best for anybody else or anybody else's opinion. I've come to the realization that this is my life and I have to live it.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

That's empowering. And to note that shift and accept it and go forward with it is even more empowering. So when that person came to you at that time, the incident you're referencing, why was it, or what do you think made it hard to say what you felt out loud?

SPEAKER_01 6:02

I did not want to be foolish. I I was I was told that I would be foolish if I had expressed what I wanted to express. And I did not want to be foolish. But again, that was me listening to someone else's opinion and not following my own heart.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

I appreciate your honesty. So did that person how did they move on, or how did they respond, or and what did it feel like?

SPEAKER_02 6:43

I don't know. Um, yeah, that person moved on. That person is still in my life. But that person moved on. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Do you mean you can't emotionally, physically, or physically.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Physically, I am not in a position to meet anybody. I am homebound.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Um, and whoever I would need to meet or try to meet would need to come to my house, and I'm not doing that. Um that could be the killer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

So what lessons are in that, or and how have, if you don't mind sharing, to what extent, how have they stayed in your life?

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Oh, the person is really my rock. I really don't know what I would do without him. Um, we kind of have similar situations going on. Whereas during the day, I'm home and he's home. And so we're able to help each other out, and he's really been my rock. I truly don't I said it once, I'll say it again. I truly don't know what I'd do without him. Um we have been, you know, caring for each other um with the things that we've both have been going on, and it's just been really nice to have to have that person in my life.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Well, that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

That's beautiful because sometimes things so-called end badly. And it sound sounds as though in this situation you're describing, it didn't.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

No, it didn't. There were some times, but every time there was something we as friends thought that we needed each other in our lives. We needed the the both of us needed each of us in our lives. Well, at least that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

You know, I can hear the beauty in your experience. It sounds as though those were two people who genuinely like one another, care for one another.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

When we met, it was for a reason. And I always said to him, the Lord does everything well. He doesn't make any mistakes because he doesn't. Especially not with me. Because me and Jesus, you know, Jesus don't play about me. Um, and so we I honestly think that we're in each other's lives for a reason. Um, and just still going along for the ride. Um, I don't think anything that we've shared or anything that we've done together, or anything that we've experienced was for naught.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Um sounds like Sounds like some huge lessons there. So was it time or your ability to see them that changed things?

SPEAKER_02 10:59

It was both.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Um, you know, folks have to make decisions for themselves. Um, and that's what I've been doing. You know, making decisions for myself and knowing that because I know the Lord does everything well, that we well, I that I just have to make and make informed intellectual decisions for myself. I don't know if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

So this is interesting now that you've mentioned it. How does logic come into play in romance? You mentioned that you were listening to in the past other people's advice, opinions, and feelings on how you should live. So that sounds like that's logic based coming from without outside of you. And you put their logic in play in your romantic situation. And I was trying to figure out what how that logic.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't, and my limited experience, and I'll always say this, I'm not going to apologize for it. I'll always say this. My limited experience led me to thinking about not thinking, but um taking advice from others. And unfortunately, it was a detriment to me. And so that's why from some time ago, my thinking has changed because I have to experience things for myself. And that's another reason why like I don't like social, I don't look at social media stuff. I don't, there's a um, there's a blog or a podcast called um yesterday's conversation or something like that. And it's about relationships. And a lot of people swear by it. Um, a lot of people swear by it. And I'm like, nope, I'm not listening to it because I don't want that thinking to skew my thinking or to influence what I think about my person or about what's going on in my relationship. Um, and so since then, that logic or quote unquote logic is not helpful. So, no, other people's logic does not play into romantic situations, and in my inexperience, and I'll always say that, and it's not an excuse. Me using my inexperience and lack of is not an excuse for why I do things or why I did things.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Okay. That's being responsible or taking that's taking responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

I had no experience in relationships. I had been in one relationship my entire life, and I'll say one in a third, um, because it's the relationship that I was into that just ended right before I met this person was really short-lived, but I did put all my eggs in one basket. And yeah, I was hopeful that I was going to be with that person, but I wasn't. And I was devastated, and I was hurting, and I didn't want to make the same mistake again. That was my thinking, but I was also listening to other people saying, don't make the same mistake again. While, yeah, the person that I did meet, I had really strong feelings for and loved as well.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

That's as honest as you can get. Uh you know, there have been movies made about going back in your life and seeing your life played out in real time if you didn't exist. So if you could go back to that moment, what would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_02 16:19

I love you too. And I say it all the time.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

I heard three simple words. The kind of words people want to hear from someone else when they feel that way about them.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Okay, what is your what what do you you want to say more about that?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

When there is a moment in life where what you want comes to you, be prepared to act accordingly because those moments may be few and far between.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Agreed.