The Strangers We Let In

Today started as the first time I sat down to record and did not know exactly what I wanted to say.

But maybe that was the point.

In this episode of THEE BIG SWING, I reflect on two very different encounters: one conversation that felt more like being questioned than being known, and another with an 80-year-old woman who slowly let her guard down and reminded me how rich human connection can be.

Everybody starts as a stranger. The question is whether we are willing to move past the surface long enough to discover who is really in front of us.

This episode is about guardedness, vulnerability, time, aging, curiosity, and the quiet beauty of letting people in.

Note: This episode is part of a new creative direction for THEE BIG SWING, where select episodes are paired with an original companion song The Strangers We Let In, performed by Tadeo Vilar from THEE BIG SWING STUDIOS.

After listening: read the companion reflection at, theebigswing.com/reflections and hear the original song inspired by this episode at, theebigswing.com/sessions

The episode tells the story. The song carries the feeling.

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THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Big Swing where everyone has an opportunity to learn. Today is the first time I sat down to record and didn't immediately know what the episode was supposed to be about. I had a few things in my mind, and I feel they're meaningful, and at first they're bothered me. Because when you start something from a real place like the big swing, where I want to be as sincere as possible, you expect the next truth to always be waiting. And I do have some waiting, but maybe today's truth is that sometimes even growth gets quiet. I had an experience the other day when a very good friend of mine introduced me to an associate of theirs, and they introduced the person as the councilman for the town I live in. So in fact, I reluctantly went over to meet the person because I was working on my computer and I was uh deeply involved in what I was doing. But I went over. And we said hello. And then the person began to ask me, Do I live in town? I said yes, and rattled off more questions, qualifying questions. Where did I buy? When did I buy? Tried to pinpoint my neighbors, told me they lived in the same section of town, and they were off base on a few things. They didn't know where the address was, and my friend chimed in and gave them a landmark, and then all of a sudden they thought they were on point. But the point I'm making is I like sincere conversation. I like conversation where you get to know someone and they get to know you. I think that's the richest human exchange we could have. After a series of questions like the person asked me that seemed as though they weren't gonna lead anywhere except to try to profile me, I looked at my watch and I said, Pardon me, I've got to get back to what I'm doing, and I walked away. I didn't think it was rude, I knew it was abrupt, but the point was that I didn't have time to waste on something that wasn't going to work for me. Not because I'm selfish, but simply because my time is valuable, and the older I get, the more valuable I realize it is. I was more than willing to get to know the person on a personal level and find out something about them that would be interesting to me and vice versa. Other than the real estate I owned. I think sometimes people put such merit in that kind of exchange, and that's where we kind of lose the human touch. I think my friend was a little disappointed that I didn't engage their associate more and go through the litany of questions, but life's too short. If you want to get to know me, let's do it. And I'm willing to be transparent. I look for the same in exchange from people. That's how we get to know one another. Earlier today, in fact, the same friend that introduced me to the council person for my town had the opportunity to talk with uh a senior. The woman was so well, she turned out to be 80 but didn't look it. And her refrain was that she enjoyed talking to my friend and I so much and she felt as though she knew us, which is why she was letting her guard down. And she mentioned the term strangers, and that, you know, she doesn't normally talk to strangers or something to that effect, or people don't. And I retorted to her, everybody's a stranger until you get to know 'em. And I jokingly said to her, she had told us about her husband of fifty-nine years. I said, Your husband was a stranger until you got to know him. And I think she was a little stunned and she had to think about it. Yeah, who knows who until you make the effort to get personal with them. Deeper than the facade. That's easy. Yeah, we fall back on that, but where's the fun in that one? I don't see it. So we went on to talk with this woman and she enjoyed the conversation and so did we. And two of us looked like one another, and the woman didn't look like us, and vice versa. And uh we related. Her 80, me 62, my friend 45, and we talked about, or she talked about, uh her 59-year-old 59-year marriage, and that it's lasted and they're still crazy about each other to this day. And it was so interesting getting to know someone. So my friend asked her a question that we like to ask older people because I'm curious and she's curious. And so when she finally got up the gumption to ask, she asked the woman, Are you and your husband still having sex? And the woman said yes. And then she went on to share that this was the first time recently that she had spoken with her girlfriends, two of them, about what they were doing in bed with their spouses. You can imagine eighty years old, she comes from a different era, but still nonetheless, it's a very human topic, right? So she found herself opening up and we had a great conversation, and that's where it's at. Taking the time to get to know someone and letting your guard down. That's where the richness is. Now don't get me wrong. I too sometimes look at other people and put them in a slot, and that's very unfair to them, and it's unfair to me, because I don't get to know them. I think many of us do that, but it's important to get out of the box and give other people a chance. And we'll find we have so much more in common than we, you know, might have thought we did initially. That's where it's at. Living, learning, growing, testing ourselves, seeing what somebody else is about. And too often we're caught up in other things where we don't let those things naturally happen. Before we know it, we'll be out of here. And then we will have missed perhaps so many opportunities, that is a lot of us. Some people are very gregarious and they're open to others all the time. But for those of us who have to work at it, it's worth taking the time and making the effort. How many people have you dated or made friends with that you wouldn't had unless you let your guard down? Been a little vulnerable, maybe a little uneasy, maybe a little afraid, right? And then after a while, before you know it, this person becomes so familiar to you that your initial trepidation didn't even matter at all, right? In fact, they may become so common to you that you might get a little bored with them or take them for granted. But the door has to be swung open at least to give people a chance. So maybe today I did not know what to say. I just didn't know it when I sat down. Maybe the episode wasn't about being out of ideas. Maybe it was about remembering that connection is still one of the great ideas. Everybody is a stranger until we give them a chance not to be. And every once in a while, if we're willing to move past the surface, a stranger can remind us what it feels like to be human and be real. And before I go, I want to share something new. For every episode of The Big Swing, I'm creating a companion song, a piece of music drawn from the emotional center of the conversation. This episode will have one too, because sometimes the conversation says one thing, and the music says what was underneath it.