I've Chased The Wrong Things

For much of my life, I chased security, money, responsibility, and what I thought I was supposed to want.

But while I was out walking, a thought came to me that I could not shake:

What if I have been chasing the wrong things?

At sixty-two, time feels different. The future no longer feels endless, and the possibility of reaching the end of my life with important parts of myself still unexplored has become harder to ignore.

In this episode, I confront the fear of wasted time, the dreams I kept postponing, and the life I built around safety rather than aliveness.

I do not want my unfinished desires waiting for me at the end, asking why I never gave them a chance.

So I am asking myself a different question now:

What would it take to make the rest of my life interesting, engaging, and truly my own?

This is a reflection on regret, responsibility, courage, and the decision to stop playing safe while there is still time to live differently.

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THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the big swing where everyone has an opportunity.

Speaker 0:15

Every once in a while an idea arrives that won't leave me alone. This one is it.

Speaker 1 0:26

It came to me while I was out walking. At first it sounded like a simple thought, but the longer I sat with it, the more I realized it was forcing me to look back over my entire life. Maybe you'll recognize parts of your own life in it. Here's what I've been wrestling with for some time. So the quintessential question about life, right?

Speaker 0:54

What did you do with it? That's where I find myself. What have I done with my life? And where does that lead me to go from here? It's a question worth asking. Instead of going forward with the same old routines in the same place, and perhaps even with the same people, being a one-way ride, and you can't buy any extra tickets, this is it. One life per person. So I'm thinking about mine and the rest of it.

Speaker 1 1:54

Maybe I've chased the wrong things for quite some time and now things are different for me. I'm older, sixty-two. And frankly, I can't do some of the things I could do before. So what do I do with the rest of my time? The rest of my life, right? For so long I might have been chasing the wrong thing. Security and the easy way out rather than challenging myself. In fact, I said that to myself for a long time in life. I said to myself that I was an underperformer. The only saving grace that I came up with after that realization is that I would say better late than never.

Speaker 3:01

So I've decided from here on out to create as interesting a life as possible. Not built on things or status, but what lets me feel alive. What do I wake up for and what do I wake up to?

Speaker 1 3:33

I'm not talking about chasing happiness. I'm talking about finding me and my best elements and doing what works for me, doing what works for me first and foremost. I've already taken care of other people, and I still have some responsibility left to a couple of people. Children, that is. But I get to choose now what I want to do, where I want to be, how I want to live, and why. So that being the case, and being at this advanced age, it's best for me to learn how to really live it. So that when I'm sitting around in my quiet moments, I feel fulfilled. That I don't feel empty after a certain deposit is made in the bank account. That's good and it's necessary. But that doesn't bring fulfillment. I'm talking about knowing that I'm living my truth.

Speaker 5:20

And I'm appreciating this valuable resource called time. I spent much of my life trying to build a secure life.

Speaker 1 5:37

What I actually wanted was an interesting one. And for a long time, frankly, it wasn't interesting because I was trying to live it someone else's way or the way I thought I should for someone else.

Speaker 5:56

And then you find out that didn't work. And then you're looking in the mirror saying, Well, it's back to you. I don't want to end it one day.

Speaker 1 6:17

When the day comes that my life is almost over, I don't want to wonder how much money I made. That won't be on my mind. Whatever I've made will be left right here. You know, it's the thought of being near the end of my life and having all the dreams and interests I know I have, but I didn't pursue haunt me.

Speaker 6:45

Having those dreams ask me, hey, what about us?

Speaker 1 6:54

How come we didn't get a shot? You could have done it. You had the opportunities and you had what it took, but you just didn't do it out of fear or procrastination or doubt. We were ready. How come you weren't ready? I don't want to face that. I'd much rather be in the position at that time to say, hey, dreams, desires, we gave it a shot. We tried, right? There wasn't anything more we could do. We did what was available, and wherever it landed, it landed. And hopefully we didn't hurt anyone along the way. In addition, hopefully we helped someone, but primarily we helped us first. Something to really think about, isn't it? I don't know what it's like at the end of life yet, because I'm not there yet. I don't know what it's like in that moment you take your last breath. I don't know if your life flashes before your eyes. I don't know if you see your next destination. But I know when I get there, I want to be as much as at peace as I can be. Not because it was a perfect life, but that it was a life by the end that I found interesting, engaging, and fulfilling. If this episode leaves you with one question, I hope it isn't whether you agree with me. I hope it's this. What would make the rest of your life more interesting? Not necessarily easier, not necessarily more comfortable, more interesting. Because I have a feeling that years from now, very few of us will wish we had played it a little safer. We may wish we'd been just a little more alive. Thanks for spending this time with me. Until the next one.