The Weight She Didn't See

She never noticed the weight coming on. 

Not really - her clothes grew with her, her confidence never dipped, and by her own account she wore it well. Then a routine pre-surgery exam found something she hadn't seen coming either. 

She talks with Lloyd about the difference between confidence and awareness, the day everything she'd been avoiding finally had a name, and the ordinary chair in an ice cream parlor that told her more about how far she'd come than any scale ever did.

After listening: read the companion reflection inspired by this episode at, theebigswing.com/reflections or hear the companion song 'I Made Up My Mind' at theebigswing.com/sessions

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THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the big swing where everyone has an opportunity. We've known each other since September of 2025, and I have been a witness to a journey you've been on. One that some people take on and don't figure out how to surmount it. It's been wonderful watching you do that. Why don't you share with us where you were in September 2025 or earlier? So we can have the full context and then hear this incredible story.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Okay. So wow. This is my first conversation on air concerning my weight loss journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

I've always called it your body composition transformation.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Absolutely. Yes. Thank you so much. It has been quite a transformation. You've seen it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

When we met in September, you stated to me that your body weight was 289 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yes. I was at 289 pounds when we met. Yes. My highest weight ever, 361 pounds. I've always been a big girl, a large woman, a traditionally built African woman. You know, boobs, thighs, arms, legs. And it got really, I don't want to say, hmm, when I started, I started being over 300 pounds, maybe. And I think I was about, I don't know, 34, 33. Um, but before that, I always teetered up to 300. And I would catch myself, I would lose the weight, and I would gain it back. One of the things about me gaining weight was that I never noticed. I never noticed.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

I've heard you say that before. I've heard you say that before. And pardon the interruption. I Oh yeah. I I didn't understand how that could be. I understand you're about to share.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Yeah. So while I was over 300 pounds, standing at 5'11, I never had low self-esteem. I never thought I was disgusting. I never thought that I looked bad. I wore fat well. And so therefore, I would always make sure that I never looked sloppy. I never looked as if, you know, I was just a overweight mess. I knew how to wear fat. And with that, I know how to camouflage a big stomach. You know, you accentuate the waist with a high waist skirt or a high waist pair of pants. You protrude the boobs. You wear big hair. And so I always knew, and I don't want to say I always thought, because that, you know, it's kind of like past tense. I know that I look good. And even at over 300 pounds, I knew that I looked good. It didn't matter to me how much I weighed as far as appearance. I had a confidence in myself. I was so confident in myself with regard to being overweight that I never noticed the scale going back up. And for me, for a few times, me not noticing the scale going back up is because my clothes always grew. My clothes always grew with me. At 300 plus pounds, unless I got on the scale, I never knew. I never knew.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

You mentioned a few things that jumped out. You mentioned what you didn't look like. You mentioned not noticing the scale because your clothes always grew with you. You mentioned your your confidence, which I know you to have confidence for sure. You said what you didn't look like when you were fat, as you put it. And I I'm asking, what did you look like when you were fat, as you would put it?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Oh, I was beautiful. Oh, I was beautiful. I was beautiful, I was statuesque. I I was who I was at 361 pounds, at 325 pounds, at 333 pounds.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Well, when I met you at 289 Yeah. At 289, I thought I thought you were a captivating person. I thought your beauty certainly shine through, for sure. And your personality, your personality was as bright. So that I knew, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Right. And I've always been the same person at any weight. Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

So what what would you like to share based on what you've learned? And you said 361, when was that?

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Oh wow. Uh January, actually, no, I'm going to go ahead and give the real timeline, right? So in December of 2024, December 4th, 2024, I was 361 pounds. And between December 4th of 2024 and January 20, January 27th, 2025, I lost three pounds. I was 358 pounds. And the only reason why I remember that is because that is the day that I uh had a surgery. I had to have a mandatory surgery. I had uterine cancer. I didn't know, but I had to have surgery on January 27th, 2025. And I had only lost three pounds. And I was 358 pounds. So the day of the surgery, I was like, whoa, I only lost three pounds. And so after that day, found out that I actually had cancer, and let me just explain that. Um I had an abnormal, I don't know if this is TMI, but we're we're getting we're telling the truth, aren't we?

SPEAKER_00 6:41

So we were we were really, we were telling the truth about the body composition transformation. But if you, because it's your story, feel that it's relevant, it's relevant.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Yeah. So we had an abnormal pap smear. Normally abnormal pap smears are ignored. But I went to my doctor and she said, Well, you need to see an oncologist. And I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna be fine. We'll see the oncologist. And the oncologist said, Yeah, we have to do another test. The test came back and said, You have says you will have a 40% chance of having cancer. You need to have a hysterectomy, a partial hysterectomy. And I said, Okay, let's do it. You know, you're black, my oncologist is black, my doctor's black, they're not gonna steer me wrong. Black women, by the way, they're not gonna steer me wrong. So let's go ahead and get it done. On the table, they found out that I actually had cancer and I had to have a full hysterectomy. After I found that out, I mean, obvious, no, it's not obvious. After I found that out, I truly doubled down on I'm gonna need to lose this weight. I'm gonna need to lose this weight.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

So, with that said, that was the moment or that was the time, that was the window, or the experience that led you to say, I'm gonna lose this weight.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

And I'm gonna lose it for real, right? So previously, I've lost weight for it at least four times in my life prior to that. I've lost weight, I've lost 80 pounds once, 50 pounds, 80 pounds again, 50 pounds again. And the weight crept back up because I didn't notice I was always fat and fabulous, right? And so this time around, um, I said, you know what? I'm 44, I'm I'm 44 years old. But this has always been my conversation, right? My conversation has always been I I can't keep yo-yo in this wade because the older you get, the worse it's gonna be. The older you get, the worse it's gonna be. And but this time, I said, all right, I'm actually gonna do this. I said, I'm actually gonna do this because I knew I had a secret weapon. And the secret weapon is GLP, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

No, it wasn't obvious to me. I mean, you had to tell me for me to know. And now you're sharing that with others that you utilize that to your benefit.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Yeah. Yeah. So I got the GLP for free. Um, but in all cases of weight loss, nothing works by itself. Cutting back your calories, making sure you work out, hydrating, eating the right things, not just cutting back your calories. Um, I know plenty of people who are on a GLP and their weight loss is insignificant. They haven't lost the weight like I've lost the weight. Um, I've always said that for myself anyway. In order for you to say you're on the journey, you want to get your body composition together, you have to do the work. Because you are using a tool doesn't mean you you stick to the old habits.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

I was a witness to some of that as much as I could be from outside of you. I I witnessed you restrict your diet to maybe one meal a day, and I saw you drinking plenty of water, and I was aware that you were taking the GLP. And so I saw you go from 289 down to 172, and it's the first time that I've ever known anyone or been a witness to a process like that. I've always been intrigued by seeing photos before and after photos of people I didn't know, and thought, wow, what a difference. But with you, I went through it like in real time. And it's it's really incredible to me that you did it the way you did it with such discipline and commitment. And so, yeah, I'm a witness, that is what it takes.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Well, it comes a time in your life where you just have to get serious. And at the end of the day, I wasn't losing weight for a man. I wasn't losing weight because of how I looked. I wasn't losing weight because I had low self-esteem. And I wasn't losing weight just because I wanted to be skinny. The bottom line for me is that my health is paramount. Health. Um, and I've been saying that for years, for years. But since I had the new tool, I didn't want to wait, I didn't want to waste the new tool because I was getting the new tool for free with my insurance. And so I said to myself, I'm gonna do right by this new tool and finally make sure that I get this weight off and get this weight off for good because of my health. I've always been healthy, which always baffled my doctor. And so that has been my mantra. I'm losing weight because I'm healthy and I want to keep it that way. Because the older you get, the more things start happening when you're 5'11 and over 300 pounds. That should not be.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Makes sense. Yeah. So in this new path in your life, right? Along the way, what have you learned? What are some of the things you've learned about you, maybe about other people? I imagine that must be interesting in some way or ways.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Well, what I've learned about me is that I'm stronger than I know I am, right? I have more willpower than I thought I did. Um, I have a determination that I never knew I had. And that also motivated me to make sure that I do right by the GLP. I do right by myself, I do right by for myself. Like the light bulb just went off, you know? It was like, girl, you have this tool, you better, you know. And the other fun fact about my weight loss journey over the years is that I would always get to a certain point of weight loss. I would get to about 290, 295, 280.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Clearly, you don't look like that anymore. So now that you look differently, how do you feel moving through the world? Dealing with people, uh the whole deal.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Wow. So moving through the world. The funny thing is that I don't feel any different. I've always moved through the world with agility. I've always moved through the world larger than life. I've always moved through the world expecting people to accept me as I am, and they still do. Now, as you know, I haven't really been outside. I haven't really been outside, you know. I've had I've had ambulating issues.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

And with that not being outside or in the future will be outside, right? But the times you have been outside, how do you think you're perceived 190 pounds or lower than what your weight was before and your body's composed differently?

SPEAKER_01 14:44

I think because people that know me has known that I've been on a journey my entire life, um, it's a very much you go girl, you look good. They are just seeing me for who I am now. And I I'm I'm not really I I'm just behaving as myself. How does that make me feel? If it makes me feel like I'm just being who I am and I'm I'm just being out here in the city.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

That's all you can be. I have heard you make comments like, I can fit in this seat now.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Or you are absolutely right. You are absolutely right. That is gratifying. So we were in ice cream parlor one day, and I always call these chairs like waste of money chairs or something like that. I always called them that. They have these really thin chairs, they kind of look like loose sight. They and you know, before I would always say, I can't sit on that. You know, that um that chair got a weight capacity. That's what I that's what I would call them. Weight capacity chairs, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:03

I was never with you on an on an occasion like that, but I could see you saying that out loud.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Right. Yes, out loud and don't care. Chad, that chair got a weight capacity. Won't catch me, right? So, yep. Um, we were in the ice cream, we went to an ice cream store, uh ice cream parlor one day, and I sat on one of those weight capacity chairs and was like, shoot, yes, I can sit on this weight capacity chair now. And as a matter of fact, thank you for bringing that to my recollection, Lloyd. As a matter of fact, I had room. I could I could move over to the left and put my purse in the chair with me, and that was dying.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

No, you deserve it. So, with that being said, there must be something else along the way that you think is meaningful for others to hear about this transformation that you want others to know, that they need to know or might want to hear.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Transformation will happen if you want it to. Transformation will happen if you want it to. And in order for it to happen, you have to want it. I know that's regarding it.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

No, but listen, here's the deal. When you said it, stopped me dead in my tracks. I was like, wow, that is profound. Simply stated, but profound exponentially.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Yeah. You have to you have to make up in your mind that this is what you want for yourself. And that's what I did. That is exactly what I did. I told myself, no more, and now big things are happening. And by big things I mean like cancer.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Okay. Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

You know, like cancer. I literally had cancer. And so, baby, that was it. You have to want for yourself in order for you to make that transformation.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Well, I'm speechless because there's nothing I could add to that. I get the message that it comes down to really seeing ourselves differently if that's what we want. And then we just have to hold that road as we figure it out as we go. I understood your message, and I hope that someone else listening understands it as well. Nobody said it's gonna be easy. Nobody said it's gonna go the way you imagine it. But if the goal is the goal, whatever that is, X, Y, or Z, that's where the commitment comes in, and you find out how it works out as you go along. Like we can't see the future. You can only see the future once you get there and it becomes the present. There's no time machine that can show you the future. So you have to go through life to get there.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

And have a made-up mind and a determination that that is what you want for yourself. There you go. You can do anything you want in this world, you just have to make a determination that that's what you want for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

And one thing I might add also, as I'm thinking about what you're saying, you know, the whole thing about putting a time limit on it, that may not be so wise. We don't know how much time it's gonna take.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

That's right. As long as you get there, it doesn't matter. That does not matter. I especially like with this goal, I said, I don't care how long it takes, I'm gonna get there. Now for me, I what was it? Maybe 13, 14 months. I went from 361 to what 358. Right. 350, 358 to what am I now, 172? I would say it was about 18 months. As far as I'm concerned, I met my goal when I got under 200. And that was almost almost six months ago. So I did it in about 13 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

I remember September you were 289, right? So I've seen you in 10 months go to 172. And then there's something about being committed to an objective. You lost 117 pounds in 10 months. Once you hit your stride in something and you you figured out some of it, then it becomes exponential.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

It does, and you stick to it. And so you know how, well, you may not know, but on a journey, especially with folks around you, their conversation is always, oh, you know, you can't have that. I'm like, excuse me. Well, that's not true. I can have whatever I want to. Absolutely. However, I choose to not have it because I know that's not going to help me in the goal that I am trying to do.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

I imagine you're referring to some food. Okay. Oh, yes. Well, it's none of their business.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yes. Right, it's none of their business. And, you know, the conversation would always be, oh, you don't want to go because you don't want to eat. I'm like, or, or you're starving yourself, or you're doing this, or you're doing that. And I'm like, no. I'm like, no, I changed my mind. My mindset is different. You know? And so at the end of the day, I'm not living to eat. I eat to live. And food is different. Food is different to me now. And so is it, you know, something where I'm restricting myself or or anything like that? No, I can have whatever I want when I want to. However, it's not that deep. It's not that deep no more. It isn't. And that's just where I am.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

That's where you are, and the proof, the proof of the effort is there, and you've opened the doorway to a different, not not different, but some other future than might have been had you not changed.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

There you go. Right. Because everything happens for a reason. And you never know what might change in your life because of the changes that you made personally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Well, thank you for allowing me to witness your journey along the way. It's it's been wonderful to see. It's been an experience for me and a reminder of everything you've said about commitment, choice, and uh what we want for our ourselves and how we block out naysayers or those people that have uh an opinion or two cents to put into the bigger pot. So it is great.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Thank you so much. Thank you. Uh yeah, this was great. Yeah. I didn't uh well, this isn't scripted, so life's not scripted.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

So that's if you want to be real, that's the way to go about it. Live it. Learn. Screw up, change direction.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Make new choices. Let some things go. Reach out for some new stuff. Maybe go in a circle here and there until you learn how to get out of that loop.