10: When Showing Up Shifted Everything

In this deeply personal episode, Tania shares an emotional hospital visit with a teenager struggling with an eating disorder and reflects on how her own recovery shaped the conversation. On a day marked by anxiety and insomnia, showing up in service shifted everything. This episode explores eating disorder recovery, mental health, healing, and how our hardest seasons can become the very thing that equips us to support others. 

Transcript

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I wanted to record something while it was still on my heart and fresh in my mind, it was quite an emotional evening for me. I was visiting a friend's daughter who was. In the hospital and she had been admitted to the hospital because she had stopped eating and drinking, so she was put on a feeding tube and has been in there for about a week. And aside from the fact that you know, she is a good friend, I also felt really compelled to go visit her because as some of you may know. I struggled for many, many years with an eating disorder from the age of 12 to somewhere in my mid thirties, and it really hits close to home and I thought maybe there's something I can offer. And apparently she was very excited when she had learned that I was coming to visit. And, you know, teenagers aren't always excited about adults coming to visit them, but I guess her mom had shared a bit about my background and she was looking forward to it and I really didn't know what I was gonna say. Um, there was a part of my brain that part that wants to say the right thing, do the right thing, look good, help, you know, fix and all of that. That was trying to. I think in advance as to what I would say, what I would ask her, what I wouldn't ask her, what I would bring up, what I wouldn't bring up, what might be a good idea, a bad idea. And it was like I left all that at the door and thought, you know what? I'm just, I'm just gonna be present and I'm just gonna lead with my heart. I also didn't know whether I would be triggered by the experience and again, surrendered all of that. And it was really quite beautiful. She was very open, very receptive. I shared my story. I shared authentically and vulnerably, um, you know, maybe filtering out a few things that I thought might be a little bit too much for a 14-year-old to hear. But she listened attentively and surprisingly shared a lot of what she was feeling and experiencing and asked questions. And I guess what I really wanted to say is it's amazing to me the design of this universe or how God has set it up, where you know the things that. We go through that, it was just so difficult for us, can be the gateway to just sharing so much love and light with other people. You know, you heard that expression and I don't know if it was a Leonard Cohen song, I forget. It's like the cracks are the place where the light gets let in and our wounds, are the place. From which we can offer so much healing. Of course, provided that we've done a certain level of healing ourselves, we don't have to be a hundred percent perfect or anything like that. But I'm just remarking at how much my mood and my energy level has shifted by the gift that I was given in being able to support her. I can hear my voice getting a little f clumped here. Yeah, it was very emotional for me. And it's also a reminder, and I guess the one thing that I would love to remind anyone listening to this is that so often in, in showing up for others, that we get out of our own stuff. And that was part of the gift for me because today and in the last week, I would say I've been really struggling. I've been struggling with sleep. I have a long history with insomnia and it had been so much better and it started to get bad again, and I was in the what ifs and I can't live this way and why is this happening to me? And all of these things. And I've been, you know, using the tools in my toolkit to kind of take the elevator up as my one good friend says. But. Yes, today I was very sad, very low energy and just showing up to be in service, to be in my heart, to be in connection, to be in community, to talking to this young girl. I'm in a totally different place physically. Uh, it's like I've been gifted with energy that I don't know where it's coming from because it certainly hasn't been coming from my sleep, and my heart is full and I'm not stuck up in my head In that place of victim and worry and anxiety, it's like, it's just really magic. So it was just a tremendous. Reminder to me that sometimes on our toughest days, the best thing we can do is to perform an act of kindness no matter how small. You really just never know the difference that you can make. And for those of us, which is probably most, if not all of the people listening to this podcast, I'm pretty sure all of us have been through some really hard things. And as much as. We wouldn't necessarily want to relive them. It is what shapes us and it is what equips us to really make a difference for others. So if you're having a really tough day, I wanna remind you that those parts of you that feel wounded or feel broken or really gateways to so much light, so much transformation for the people around you and. You know, when we're having those tough days, we don't always feel that we have the bandwidth or even the interest, frankly, you know, if you're feeling depressed or overwhelmed or anxious to show up for others. But even making the smallest step, sending a text message to someone that you think might be lonely or need to hear from you. Holding the door open for somebody carrying a lot of groceries at the grocery store. Picking garbage off the. Sidewalk, you know, to have the path be a little more beautiful for the next person. All of these little things, make a tremendous difference. And when we can also serve from the place of, where we've struggled, we not only make a big difference for others, but it comes back to us 10, if not a hundred fold. So. That's really all that I wanted to share. Short and sweet, and just a reminder that, you're not broken and those places where there have been some cracks are, beautiful in their potential. So I hope you're smiling andhow for now.