11: Your Breakdown Is Trying to Tell You Something

Ever catch yourself in an old pattern and think, how did I end up back here?

In this episode of Banish the Lies, Tania shares a moment from a few years ago that caught her completely off guard. The night before speaking at a conference, she found herself slipping into a binge eating pattern she thought she had left behind nearly twenty years earlier.

At the time, it felt like proof that something was wrong.

Looking back, she sees that moment differently.

In this conversation, Tania talks about what can sit underneath moments like these, the fear, pressure, or life transitions that sometimes trigger behaviors we thought were long behind us. Instead of rushing to judge or fix the behavior, she explores what can happen when we slow down and listen to what the moment might be trying to tell us.

If you’ve ever found yourself overeating, scrolling, overworking, shutting down, or slipping into something you thought you had already dealt with, this episode offers a different way to look at it.

Sometimes the moment that feels like regression is actually information.

Journal Prompts from the Episode

1. When I slip into an old pattern, what feeling am I trying not to feel?
2. What part of me might be asking for attention or compassion?
3. What need did I ignore or minimize right before the behavior happened?
4. What is the kindest possible interpretation of that moment?
5. What might this moment be inviting me to see or admit about my life or about myself?

Transcript

Speaker 0:01

Hey, friend, before we get into today's episode, I wanna give you a little context. A while back, I found an old voice memo I recorded during a low moment in my life. I never meant to share it. It was really just for my benefit. I was trying to sort through something that felt confusing and uncomfortable, but when I listened again recently, I realized there was something in that moment that might help someone else. Not so much the details of what happened, but the truth underneath it, the human part, the part of us that slips into old habits when we're overwhelmed or scared or avoiding something we don't feel ready to face. I didn't understand it as an identity issue back then, but I do now. So today I wanna talk about a time when I fell into an old pattern. And what it taught me about compassion and listening to the parts of ourselves that we tend to silence. And if you've ever had a moment where you thought, I should really be past this by now, I hope today's episode helps you soften that voice inside. Okay, let's get into it. Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free. I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole. Let's jump in. I wanna take you back to a moment from a few years ago. It was a time that felt dark and confusing in a way that took me by surprise. It wasn't some big event that triggered it. It was more like a slow, emotional unraveling I'd been feeling drained for weeks, frustrated, doubting myself and the things I usually rely on to feel grounded weren't helping. You know, those times when. Journaling doesn't seem to help. Meditation feels impossible, and even going for a walk doesn't clear your head. Basically, everything just feels flat and far away. That's where I was, and one night something inside me just gave way. I slipped into old patterns with food. I wasn't hungry, and yet there I was stuffing my face. I wasn't even enjoying what I was eating. I was in binge territory, which is a place I truly believed I had left behind almost 20 years earlier. And I remember watching myself and thinking, what is happening and why am I doing this? And right behind that thought came the shame. The harsh internal voice saying, see, nothing has changed at your core. You're still that person broken and dysfunctional. At that moment, I believed that voice. What I know now is that believing I was broken wasn't the truth. It was really just the story that fear told me, and it was a fear triggered by. The opportunity to expand, I was about to step into greater visibility, and my system was panicking. This binge episode happened. The night before I was supposed to speak at a conference, my imposter syndrome was sky high. I was terrified of being seen, and even more than that, terrified of not belonging. And when I slipped into that old pattern, it felt like confirmation, like evidence that I wasn't meant to be on that stage. Now, on the surface, the binge looked like numbing and. Yes, it was. I was overwhelmed and I didn't want to feel the fear I was carrying in my body. Food pulled me out of my head and into sensation and it quieted things, at least temporarily. But underneath that, something else was also happening. That binge was loyalty to an old version of me, the version that learned a long time ago, that staying small. Felt a lot safer than being seen when that pressure of being visible hit that identity just stepped in. Not to hurt me or sabotage me, but to pull me back into familiar territory. And once I was there, the story took over and it said, see, you don't belong up there. On that stage, the behavior became. The evidence. Evidence that it was safer to retreat than to risk being seen. But here's what I didn't understand yet. I wasn't failing and I wasn't regressing. I was protecting an old way of being that no longer fit who I was becoming. These moments, of course, don't only show up when we're growing. Sometimes they show up because we've been avoiding a truth that feels too big to face. Or maybe a feeling we're convinced will break us if we let ourselves actually feel it. Sometimes what sits underneath a binge or a shutdown or snapping at someone or pouring that extra drink is something simple like, I hate my job, or I am lonely in this relationship, or I feel lost, or I want more, but I don't know what that means. Or I'm grieving something, I don't know how to get over, or I'm furious and I don't know what to do with my anger. Or maybe I'm scared of what I'm being called to do in this life. And often we avoid the feeling because we think that acknowledging it means we have to take immediate action, but that isn't true. You can acknowledge that your job is draining you without quitting tomorrow. You can admit you're unhappy in a relationship without blowing up your life. You can feel fear or grief or rage without turning it into a five step plan. You know, sometimes just being honest, just the acknowledgement is the action that's required. Just allowing the truth to land. Just letting the feeling move through you instead of shoving it down. Because when you shove it down, that's when things come out sideways. It's the binging, the numbing, the shutdown, the sabotage, et cetera. And this isn't about weakness. This happens because something inside you is saying, listen to me. I've been trying to get your attention. These moments that feel like collapse are often the places where an old identity can no longer hold the weight of who you're becoming. They're invitations to look at the part of you you've been silencing, the part of you that wants more joy, more truth, more freedom, more alignment. Maybe you have areas like this, areas where you don't see a way out, or maybe you feel too exhausted to even look. So you scroll, you overeat, you binge watch, you overspend. There's a whole list of overs you may be engaging in, including overworking and overthinking. In my case, the binge was never the real problem, and the same holds true for you. The real problem is the fear underneath the maladaptive behavior. For me, it was the fear of being seen. The fear of potentially failing publicly. The fear of becoming someone I wasn't sure I was ready to be. And once I understood that the shame loosened its grip a little bit. I could see the moment for what it was not a failure, not regression, but a message for me. Maybe your version looks nothing like mine. Maybe it shows up in. Texting someone you swore you were done with, or maybe getting snappy with your kids, disappearing into your phone. Maybe you say yes to things when everything inside you wants to say no. Maybe you drink, maybe you freeze. Whatever your version is. It's not proof of failure, it's proof of pressure. It's proof of loyalty to an old way of being. It's proof of something inside you asking to be acknowledged, asking for compassion, not judgment, and definitely not punishment. If you wanna explore this a little bit more on your own, here are five journal prompts you can sit with. I'll put them in the show notes so you don't have to write them down right now. Just notice the truth that arises and. Look at it through the lens of compassion and see how that might shift your perspective. So the first question asks, when I slip into an old pattern, what feeling am I trying not to feel? I two. What part of me might be asking for attention or compassion? Three, what need did I ignore or minimize? Right before the behavior happened. Four. What is the kindest possible interpretation of that moment? And finally, what might this moment be inviting me to see or admit about my life or about myself? Now you may feel inspired to take an action after your reflection, even if it's as simple, asing out the rest of the bag of cookies or shutting off your phone and doing something that nurtures you instead, or maybe not. The victory here is just in the listening. And being brave enough to feel whatever surfaces. And if you want an intention to carry with you this week, I offer you this. I allow myself to feel what is true without pressuring myself to act before I'm ready. Just let that be enough. And if you're in a moment right now that feels messy or shame filled or confusing, I hope today's story reminds you that nothing is wrong with you. You're not behind, you're not broken. You are human, and your soul might be trying to tell you something important. Take your time, be gentle with yourself and trust that even the seemingly simple act of. Acknowledging what's below the surface and feeling your way through it can and will move you forward. Okay. Many blessings to you. Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies. If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in. And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too. Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them. I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself. And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.