14: Maybe You Overreacted… But Not for the Reason You Think

Have you ever overreacted and wondered why your reaction felt so strong?

In this episode, Tania shares a real parenting moment and explores what’s really happening beneath emotional triggers and overreactions.

If you’ve ever asked yourself “why do I overreact?” or noticed that certain situations bring out a stronger response than expected, this conversation will help you understand why.

You’ll explore how past experiences and early patterns can shape present-day reactions, and how to approach those moments with more self-awareness and compassion.

Whether your triggers show up in parenting, relationships, or at work, this episode offers a thoughtful place to start making sense of them.

Transcript

Speaker 0:01

Hey friends. Today's episode came from a moment I wish I could do over. It was a rushed morning, and what followed was a reaction that was way bigger than the situation in front of me. What surprised me wasn't just that I lost my cool. It was realizing why, because what I was reacting to had little to do with what actually happened that morning and everything to do with the decision I made a long time ago. If you've ever wondered why your reaction sometimes seems stronger than the moment deserves, this episode is an invitation to look beneath the surface with compassion, not judgment. And. If this resonates, I'd genuinely love to hear from you. You'll find a link in the show notes where you can send me a message. I read everyone. Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free. I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole. Let's jump in. So this morning my daughter was running late. She had promised me we would leave for school at a specific time because I had a meeting and I was already feeling rushed. Well, between the running around and perhaps some poor time management, she wasn't able to honor that time. We ended up leaving exactly 12 minutes late, and my reaction, if I'm honest, was, let's just say not one of my proudest parenting moments. Frankly, it was over the top. And I've been reflecting on why that was. And yes, the delay was inconvenient. I'd wanted at least 10 minutes to prep before the meeting, and yes, I was tired, which of course, never helps with self-regulation. In fact, it can make it feel almost impossible some days, but I knew there was more to it, so I sat with it. And what I realized is that I wasn't just reacting to this morning. I was reacting to a decision I made a long time ago, and that decision was this. I will never let anyone control me again. That decision had nothing to do with my daughter. It was made when I was very young. I grew up in situations where. I didn't always feel I had a voice or a choice, and culturally at the time, that wasn't uncommon. I grew up in an era and an environment where, as the expression goes, children were meant to be seen and not necessarily heard. Where children weren't really viewed as individuals with a right to express their opinions, especially when those opinions contradicted social norms. Or the rules. I remember feeling very confined, like I had to silence a part of myself, and somewhere along the way I made a decision. Not consciously, I don't think, but it was there when I grow up. I am not going to let anybody control me. And what I saw this morning is that I was interpreting my daughter's behavior as a violation of that deeply held decision, and my perception of how she was behaving left me feeling perilous, like I was being controlled, and that my needs were being overruled. And if I'm really honest. I was acting like my power was in her hands, like I needed her to behave a certain way for me to feel okay. And I'm sharing this because I'm thinking about all the times when someone says or does something and our reaction just doesn't match the moment. It's because it's often not about what just happened. It's about what got triggered. Sometimes the moment is simply the match and the fuel was already there. So this conversation is really an invitation to self-awareness and as always, not from a place of blame or judgment, but from a place of compassion with eyes wide open and. It's to recognize that sometimes our reactions have very little to do with the other person. They didn't create the wound, they just brushed up against it. And as I reflect on this, I also see an opportunity to heal that part of me because that decision to say, you know, I will never be controlled again. That was made when I was young, and it, it came from a place of not fully understanding the authority and the agency I actually have now. And of course, as a child, I faced real limitations. I, I couldn't come and go as I pleased. I couldn't drive myself around or make decisions about money or any of that. So those limitations were real. Hmm. But that belief no longer reflects the truth of where I am in my life now. And it's time to let it go. It's time to put down that armor. Essentially, what I realize is that I no longer need to act out that old decision the way I did this morning. There were opportunities to respond to my daughter. Very differently to express myself without sounding frantic. Honestly, I sounded like an overtired wired child throwing a temper tantrum, and that's not great for relationships. It's also pretty terrible modeling as a parent that said, I'm not gonna stew in guilt. I'll have a conversation with her. I'll clean it up like I always do when I miss the mark. And I actually think that's one of the most important things we can do, whether you're a parent or not, and that is to take accountability. It doesn't erase the, the words or the tone or the F-bomb, you might have dropped, but it does help restore the other person's sense of self because it names something important. The overreaction was never about them. Now, in my case, yes, absolutely there were things my daughter could and should have done differently. That's a separate conversation, but for now, I'm owning my reaction because at the end of the day, we can't control other people. What we can do is model behavior that aligns with our values. And my value is not to lamb aste people because they triggered a wound in me that's mine to own. And to be clear, this isn't moral preaching from a pulpit. This is simply about alignment, about how I wanna show up in the world, which ideally is from a place of love and compassion and respect and patience. Okay. Knowing of course that I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm going to screw up again, and when I don't show up the way I want to, it's an opportunity to look below the surface and ask what was the wound the salt fell into? I'm obviously still learning to do this in real time, but I am seeing it more clearly now. So the next time this happens, perhaps the question isn't, why did they do that? Maybe it's what did that trigger in me? Because more often than not, that's where the real work begins. Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies. If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in. And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too. Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them. I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself. And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.