21: Numbers Do Lie: When Metrics Start Defining Your Worth

In this episode of Banish the Lies, Tania explores how easily numbers can become tied to our sense of worth.

From the number on a scale, to money in a bank account, to podcast downloads and social media metrics, external measurements can quietly start shaping how we see ourselves.

After noticing herself becoming emotionally attached to fluctuating podcast analytics, Tania reflects on self-worth, achievement, external validation, and the pressure to measure ourselves through numbers.

If you’ve ever tied your value to productivity, appearance, achievement, followers, money, or validation from others, this episode is for you.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

You may have heard the phrase, "Numbers don't lie." Well, lately, I've been wondering about the stories we attach to numbers. The number on a scale, the number in your bank account, the number of followers, downloads, likes, or even achievements. And I wonder at what point do measurements stop being information and start becoming verdicts? Today, I wanna talk about the ways we let external metrics determine how we feel about ourselves, and what happens when numbers become measures of worth.

Tania 0:37

Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free. I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole. Let's jump in.

Speaker 1:02

A few days ago, I caught myself doing something I used to do all the time, checking numbers, and I mean obsessively checking them. And not just monitoring them, but letting them shape how I felt about myself. Years ago, the number that ruled my life was the number on the scale. That number determined pretty much everything. Whether I thought of myself as good, whether I was disciplined enough, whether I was allowed to relax, whether I deserved kindness from myself that day. And if that number was lower than I expected, or at least not higher, I would allow myself to exhale for a moment. But if that number went up, well, that resulted in punishment. Punishment in the form of more restriction, more exercise, more self-criticism, and ultimately more shame. And when I look back, it seems kinda crazy to realize how much power I gave that number because the scale was simply meant to serve as a tool that provides information, but somewhere along the way it stopped being information and became a conclusion about my worth. And lately, I realized I've been doing the exact same thing, except this time with my podcast. When I launched Banish the Lies in January, it felt like the download numbers were coming in fast and furious, and people were listening from countries and cities I'd never even heard of. It was exciting. It felt a little surreal, but honestly, it felt really validating. And over the last month or so, I noticed something interesting. The numbers were softening a bit. And at first, I told myself not to obsess over it. That I actually knew better. I mean, I knew it was dangerous to be so obsessed about the numbers, to start my day checking analytics and attaching meaning to every fluctuation. And yet, I did it anyway. I would check to see how many people listened at the end of the day and then check again first thing in the morning, tracking the rise and the fall. And before long, my confidence started rising and falling with the numbers. And then the story started. Well, maybe people think that I'm being repetitive. Maybe the podcast isn't really that good. Maybe they checked it out and just lost interest. Maybe I should actually just stop. And honestly, I got so in my head about it that I started questioning why I was even doing this in the first place. And then the other day, I had a call with a group that I call my pod sister group. These are other women who podcast. Many of them started around the same time I did. And they were super encouraging. They reminded me that this was normal, that numbers fluctuate, that growth isn't linear. But honestly, I wasn't really buying it because I was still really attached to the story I thought the numbers were telling. And then almost immediately after that call, I got a text from a friend telling me how much the podcast helped her, how it had impacted her self-awareness, her confidence, and the way that she thought about herself. And in that serendipitous moment, the realization dropped in. Numbers do lie, at least in the way I was manipulating them in my mind. Because yes, the numbers can tell me how many people are listening, but they can't tell me the impact on the people who are. They may be able to give me a sense of how many people stop listening, but not what shifted in the people who have stayed. And I think that's the danger of numbers sometimes. Not the numbers themselves. Obviously, numbers can be useful. You know, a scale can provide information. A bank account provides information. A report card can provide information. And yes, podcast analytics can provide information. The problem is when we start asking the numbers questions they were never meant to answer. Questions like, am I worthy? Am I successful? Am I lovable? Am I good enough? Does what I'm doing even matter? And suddenly all these tools become judges. We start using measurements as mirrors. A number on a scale tells you your weight. It does not tell you your worth. A bank account, yes, it tells you how much money you have. It doesn't tell me whether your life is meaningful. A report card tells you how you performed in a moment in time, but it can't tell you your intelligence, your potential, and certainly not your value as a human being. And as for podcast downloads, yes, they measure reach, but they don't measure resonance. They can't measure whether someone listened while sitting in their car crying, or if an episode helped someone feel less alone, or whether one small sentence changed the way someone sees themselves. We live in a world obsessed with metrics, followers, likes, revenue, weight, productivity, rankings. And I think many of us are exhausted because we've been allowing those metrics, those measurements to dictate how we feel about ourselves. We've started believing that if the numbers go down, somehow our value, our worth goes down too. But numbers were never meant to carry that kind of emotional weight. They were only ever supposed to be information. So today, I just wanna leave you with a question. Where in your life have numbers become more than information? Where have they become proof of whether you're enough? And what might change if you stop looking to external measurements to answer questions about your value? Because no external metric was ever designed, my friend, to carry the weight of your worth.

Tania 8:32

Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies. If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in. And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too. Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them. I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself. And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.