Monday Moment: Why I Don't Celebrate My Birthday

 Today is Tania's birthday, which got her wondering: Why has she always resisted celebrating it? What began as a reflection on birthdays turned into a deeper exploration of receiving, gratitude, worthiness, and the stories we tell ourselves about taking up space. 

Transcript

Tania 0:00

Happy Monday. Today is my birthday. I don't normally say those words out loud. In fact, I'm notorious for not celebrating or even acknowledging my birthday. That said, let me take a moment to give a shout-out to one of my best besties whose birthday is two days after mine. She has many times pulled me into joint birthday celebrations, and I truly appreciate her for that. But left to my own devices, I wouldn't celebrate my birthday. But this year, however, in true Banish the Lies style, I wanted to sit down and uncover the lie or lies that are holding me back. Not because there's anything wrong with choosing not to celebrate, it's just that the energy behind my resistance feels limiting rather than self-honoring, and that's my clue that a lie or a few lies are lurking beneath the surface. And as I thought about this, I realized that this isn't just about celebrating birthdays. I think it's bigger than that. I think it's about the difficulty receiving in general, receiving attention, receiving generosity, receiving gifts, receiving offers of help. Behind all of this, I can hear old voices, "Don't inconvenience other people. Don't make this about you. You're not that special. Who do you think you are? The world doesn't revolve around you." And at the root of all of it, I think, is unworthiness, linked to taking up too much space, linked to the concern that others might think I'm self-centered. But when you think about the act of celebrating yourself, your birthday, your life, really it's an act of thanksgiving. So I pulled out my journal and began to write what deserves celebrating, the things to be truly grateful for, such as the challenges I've survived, the people who have loved me through all of it, the acts of kindness I won't forget, the moments, the people, the events that changed the course of my life. And then I challenged myself to consider how my life has been a gift to others. Now, this is the part that made me squirm a bit because, again, that sense of, "Don't think you're all that special," came up. But that is a lie, truly. I believe we all have gifts to share with the world, and whether you believe the universe is random or intentional, it's hard to deny the many ways we touch the lives of others. So whether today is your birthday or not, I guess my invitation is to notice where you might be turning away from receiving. Receiving a compliment, a kindness, an offer of help, a moment of recognition, or even just the chance to celebrate yourself. Not in an egotistical way, but in a way that simply acknowledges the life you've lived, the challenges you've made it through, the people you've loved, the ways you've grown, the ways you've contributed to the lives of others. Because sitting with my journal this morning, what I felt most wasn't pride, it was gratitude. Gratitude for the people who've walked beside me, gratitude for the experiences I've had, gratitude for the opportunity to keep learning and growing. And maybe that's what celebration really is. Maybe it's simply taking a moment to appreciate the gift of being here. So as I head into my birthday today, I'm carrying the image of a candle, not just because it's my birthday, but because a candle does what it's made to do. It shines. And today, that feels like a pretty good place to start. Have a great one.