Why Your Business Patterns Started Before You Were 21

Every emotional pattern running your business today was formed in one of three windows — ages 1 to 7, 7 to 14, or 14 to 21. In this episode, Afzal Patni breaks down how emotional charges from these three formative phases get stored in the body, shape your identity, and silently run your decisions as a founder — and what it actually takes to clear them.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

I want to share something today that changed everything for me. About why people get stuck. Why there is a loop? Why there is any of this? Why there is a testing for us to go through? What is this learning curvature? What is happening? And this is not the surface stuff, not the bad habits or the wrong strategies, the deep stuff, the stuff that was written into you before you even knew you were being written. Every emotional patterns running in your life as a founder today was formed in one of the three specific windows of your time. Try to guess which one are you from Ages 1 to 7, 7 to 14, and 14 to 21. And the reason you cannot just decide to be different. The reason knowing better does not automatically mean doing better. Is because what is happening and what happened in those window of the years I mentioned is not stored in your mind, it is stored in your body itself as a charge, and that charge fires before your logic gets a chance to respond. Talk about each window 1 to 7, 7 to 14 and 14 to 21. In 1 to 7, this is the imprint phase. You can call it your nervous system is wide open, everything lands directly, and this is the child when you're young, you're dynamic. Most of it you can say gets influenced by your schooling and your environment and your house environment of your connection with your parents. Whatever emotional events happen in this window gets written in an absolute truth, not opinion here, truth. So your identity that gets shifted later on can be one of those where you're not able to say no to a bad deal. You're not able to tell no to people because you happen to be little on the people pleaser side. Let's go to the second window, which is 7 to 14. This is the social phase you start measuring and measuring yourself with others. School, friendships, comparison begins. The charge formed here are usually around belonging. Am I enough? Do I fit? Am I worth including? A child who gets rejected by peers in this phase often develops an approval loop that runs for the rest of their life. A child who discovers that achievement gets them notice often becomes the achiever whose loop never lets them rest. They always have to be in a performing state. And when they are not performing, they are always in the overthinking zone. What is it that they can do? Let's talk about also the scenario which governs all this. It's most of the scenarios during especially during the school phase, there's a high chance you get picked upon. You were picked upon when you were a kid. Talking of the third window, which is 14 to 21, is very important phase as well. This is the identity phase. You start constructing the version of yourself, you will present to the world, the persona, and the charges formed here are usually around the gap between who you actually are and who you decided to perform. So a teenager who learned that vulnerability gets punished becomes an adult who cannot show weakness. This happens especially in male kids. They have been taught since childhood that male persons shouldn't cry. Men don't cry. So a young person who discovered that being the fixer keeps people close, becomes the founder who cannot say no. Again, related to the first one. So here is why this matters for founders especially. One charge shows up in your identity, the gap between who you perform and who you actually are, the imposter feeling, the inability to show struggle, the exhaustion of maintaining a version of yourself that started as a teenage survival strategy. None of this is permanent. But who will take into account the years of struggle, the hardship, the emotional pain, the negativity, all of that stuff? That is important to be considered. So none of this is permanent, like I said, but none of it clears by itself either. It clears when you see it, when you locate the original charge, the specific event in the specific window. Feel it fully, understand the belief it created, and consciously choose a different one. That is the only way. First is awareness. But what will you do by getting aware? You will get much more pissed about the scenarios that will keep on occurring if you don't do anything about it. Because right now, if you are aware, you know where the issue is, but you're not doing anything about it, it will haunt you and trouble you. And let's say you decide to do something, that is where you consciously start taking minor steps toward first coming out of the emotional loops. Only when you are out of it, you go in the observer mode. Now, this observer mode is because you are so calm right now by coming out of this emotional loops, you can view yourself from an observer perspective. You can see any issues, any experiences, any decision, any business, any relationship, anything from a third perspective now. And when you are in third perspective, when you're seeing it, you understand yourself, you understand the person in front of you, you understand the system around you, you understand a lot more deeper than what you understand by staying in the tunnel vision with the same emotional responses. So let's say now you are out of it, now you consciously choose alignment that you start aligning with yourself with that. Those insights are nothing but guiding you towards your own purpose. And whatever you believe, whatever you want do, whatever you want to achieve is done through this methodology. So if you are a founder who has been wondering why you keep reacting the same way despite knowing better, this is why. The charges older than business, older than a job, older than a relationship, it was formed before you had the language to question it. And here is the important thing: clearing it does not mean forgetting it, it means completing it. The event happened, the charge formed, and now for the first time you can look at it with the adult eyes and decide whether the belief is created holds still true at the current stage of life. Most of the time it is not.