After the Awareness — Why Seeing the Pattern Makes Things Harder Before They Get Better

Most personal development content stops at awareness. See the pattern, understand it, and the rest follows. In this episode, Afzal Patni breaks down what actually happens after awareness arrives — why things often get harder before they get easier, what the responsibility of seeing actually costs, and what the path from awareness to genuine clearing looks like in real life.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want to talk about something that almost nobody in the personal development space addresses honestly. What happens after awareness? Every course, every coach, every framework talk about this awareness factor. Just in different words, different sentences, different ways of putting out, like seeing your pattern, decode the loop, name the charge, understanding where it came from. And that is all true. Awareness is the beginning. It is essential. You cannot change or you cannot think of where the issue is coming from until unless you see it. And to see is the awareness part. But here is what most people do not tell you. The moment you can see your patterns clearly, the moment you can name it in real time, as it fires, things often get harder before they get better. Not because the work is not working, because it is. Simple. The whole scenario is done, dusted, packed, and thrown out. Now, when the fixer says yes to something, they knew they should decline. They sit with a different kind of discomfort. Not just the regret of the pattern completing the knowledge that they have watched it happening and followed it anyway. That is not failure. That is the most important phase of the work, but nobody warns you that it is coming. I call that visibility. Visibility tax. The cost of seeing clearly. Every time the pattern fires and you follow it, you know you have to sit with the full awareness of what you choose. Now, yes, not what the loop chose, what you chose. So automatically the accountability comes on you now. And for the founder who have built their entire identity around being self-aware, intelligent, growth-oriented, this phase is practically confronting. Because now you cannot hide behind the knowing and the gap between who you understand yourself to be and what you are actually doing in that moment. The gap becomes very loud. The temptation in this phase is to decide the awareness is not helping to conclude that knowing about the pattern is making it worse, and you are the better off before you could see it. That conclusion is the loop talking, not you. Now, in all this, just imagine that you have to create this change. You must be wondering if this is such a taxing process. Why to even do it? I'll tell you why. Because throughout your journey of your life, you pick up any person. Most of these people have a late sense of realization towards their extreme edge of their life during generally during post-50s, nearly 60s, that this were all the issues they learn from their experiences that this whole thing existed, and then they decide to live their life. Because at that point they come to a conclusion that there's no one to prove to, no one to act for, it's high time that you should live their life on their own terms. That's why many of them achieve a random success at that age as well, because their mindset fully changes. But the idea here is if you can see it from the early hand, let's say in your twenties, the amount of time frame you have to live your life to create what you really want is abundant. 30-40 years of easy workability in condition you will be f to achieve what you want with that kind of motivation, that kind of willpower, that kind of body movement. It's very hard to get by. This is where it helps. Now look at it from this angle. Let's say you stay in the loop, okay? There's always the response, like I said, then you after some time they you feel okay, you analyze it, you're like, oh, I did this again, and then you pack it up and throw it out. You don't do any awareness, nothing about it. That thing continues throughout your journey of your life. What happens in that? You're making not so real connections, you are trying to live your life for someone else, or to prove someone else. The anger is there at times, the frustration is there many times, and it keeps on coming back. But once you see it, once you do the needful, once you do the alignment part, you see all these tendencies come to reduce. And what happens with that? Of course, it affects your life in a beautiful manner. You start getting pure connections, you start leveling the emotions an outburst. I'm not saying it will disappear in its whole that you will never get angry, you will never get sad. It is supposed to be. You are supposed to get a bit of sad. You're supposed to get a little bit angry. That is the human nature. We are not here to become robberts. Now you know what to give your energy to, what to use to build something, how to get the real connection you're looking for, how to not operate from scarcity, from survival. And when all these things come into account, you build the bridge, the gap which was always there, that was making you scared to jump forward in your life. And to build that bridge is the difficult thing what you figure, what you feel. And if you don't bridge that grip, and if you don't bridge that gap, your person who is seeing that gap will suffer knowing that that gap exists, and if you build that bridge, you will you will shoot forward, you will succeed ahead. So this goes like an exchanging pattern. Now, here's the mechanism that explains why the post-awareness phase is often the hardest. Before awareness, the loop ran in one continuous motion, trigger, emotional things, reaction, completion, one fluid sequence. The energy went somewhere, the charge completed, and then it settled. After awareness, you interrupt that sequence, you see the trigger on your own, you feel the charge rising, you catch it, and then sometimes you cannot complete the interruption. The charge is still there, the loop still wants to be completed, but now you are holding it consciously, and in that gap between the trigger and the reaction, that is uncomfortable in a way that the automatic completion was not because the automatic completion at least moved the energy somewhere, the interruption holds it in suspension, and sometimes, especially in the early stage, the holding is harder than the reacting was. That is what that is the difference, but the crucial part that needs to be understood is this holding is a bit of a training phase for a limited time only. You can't be using this forever. No, once you consciously start interrupting it, you rewire a bit of the way you do things, and it affects in every region of your life. The way you're driving, the way you're talking to someone, the tone, the way you're addressing a fight in a relationship, the way you are talking to someone who doesn't understand your idea, the whole response and the way you address it changes automatically, and that's short duration. That is what you have to make sure because if you're holding it in forever, that is the worst thing you can do. It's not about holding it in, it's about training that there is an alternate response available. Once you do that, the holding of these things becomes automatic and natural. So that means you don't have to consciously put energy every time to not shout at anyone. No, it doesn't work like that. The way you will react, the options you will have to react will be automatically planted in your subconscious now. That no angrily shouting at someone is not the only thing, you can take it calmly now. If you used to shout and throw things around like maniac before, now you won't. Maybe you have a sponge ball and you'll start pressing it. So the way you react changes altogether. Sometimes you just take it funnily now. These things don't bother you at all, and that is the calmness one tries to achieve through this, and then that energy which was always used up in bursting out or controlling is totally channeled to something greater than yourself as well, greater than something what you believe in. And this is why people who try to control at the initial phase and all sometimes report that feeling more anxious or more emotionally aware after starting inner work than before. Not because something went wrong, because the anaesthetic or automatic reaction is no longer fully operational. Your feeling what the loop was processing for you. That feeling, the rawness of that post-awareness phase is not regression, it is the nervous system relearning how to process experience without the loop as the middleman. Simple, it passes not quickly, not linearly, but it just passes. And that relearning is the key. So what is the what is the path from the awareness to genuine clearing actually looks like because I have explained you so far, but because the honest version is different from what most people expect. It is not straight line, simple, it is not consistent progress where every week you are measuredly more free than last. You can feel it, but like I said, we are human beings, we are not robots that will just become a straight line trajectory. Oh, I don't respond anymore. Oh, the way of your response will change into some other form of emotion. Like I said, you will just find it funny and laugh it off at times because we are not here to suppress our emotions, we are here to use it fully, the energy fully, so that we can build something that is the ultimate goal and call it a family to a relationship to healthy lifestyle, to some project you believe in. The catching feels like progress, the not catching feels like a failure now, and if you don't do anything about after catching it, that is regret. And let me tell you something: regret is even worse than not trying because you will remember that you didn't try, but that regret is that emotion that haunts you inside, and here is what I observed over time in people who stay with the work, the ratio shifts. Week one, you catch it once out of ten, week four, three out of ten, month three, six out of ten. Not because you became more disciplined, because the gap between triggers and reaction gets wider each time you see it. The neural pathway that was running the automatic completion gets slightly less activated each time you interrupted. The clearing is not dramatic movement or anything, it is a thousand small choices to use the gap instead of following the loop, each one imperceptible, all of them compounding, and that is one of the methodologies to solve any problem in life as well. Many times we look at a problem as a big whole problem, and then we see it, we get overwhelmed by it, we get we feel lonely about a stuff that we are the only one facing it, and because it takes so much of the emotional toll on us that we are stuck with that problem, but we are not able to solve it. But imagine breaking down a big problem into small thousand pieces and solving them one by one. That is the way, that is the most effective way. Now that big problem has become very tiny, small thousand problems, and you know solving that is a lot more easier, and if you're alone in that as well, you still feel that you can do it if you are in the post-awareness phase right now, if you can see your pattern clearly, and you are still following it sometimes, and the gap between knowing and doing feels enormous. I want you to hear something, you're not behind, you are exactly in the right place for the stage you are in. The seeing was the first step, the responsibility, the seeing creates the second step. A thousand small choices to use the gap, that is the third step and the longest one. So if you feel overwhelmed, if you start overthinking, if you feel sad about the scenario, I understand that. I was there too, and I still feel at times, but of course the overall percentage has been reduced, the ratio has gone down. But that quotient of solving it alone, seeing it, and not coming from the point of judgment, because you are not here to judge yourself, it was your experiences that you have uh created so much in your life, and the best part is you have learned so much many things which must have happened in the life just look back at them again the bad, the good think of the things that you learned from it or think of it in a manner that there was some kind of learning associated, and then see what was that learning see what was the pattern because if something is happening it's not a coincidence, it is universe teaching you something because everyone is a special child in their own and everyone has a different pathway. It just are you seeing it is the most important. Are you aware? Nobody moves through step three quickly, not because they are weak, because neural rewiring, actual physical, measurable rewiring of pathway that were running the pattern takes consistent application over time. So be patient with yourself in the face, not permissive, patient, and there's a difference. Permissive says I followed the loop again, I suppose that is just how I am. Patient says I followed the loop again, I see it, I will use the gap next time. I'll try to use the gap as soon as this pattern emerges. That distinction is everything, and the fact that you learn patience in this is the most important element and the most difficult to master element in today's time and this high pace of everything. Learning patience is most difficult I can say because I have learned it through hard way. So even when your outer life cycle is a bit fast paced, the patient in turn teaches you to be calmer inside first, and when you are calmer inside first, to address the high fast-paced things in external life becomes much more easier, and that calmness also together helps you not react from the loop itself. That whole thing creates a scenario of that gap where you have the option to choose now the way you react, the way you respond. Now you understand the whole cycle of it. So if you want to understand exactly where you are in this process and what the most effective next step looks like for you for your specific loop. That is exactly what the conversation after the free video is for. Watch the video, fill in the form. If it resonates, we talk. I'll put down the link in the description, and I'll see you on Thursday.