Episode 16 - You Say You Want Help — So Why Does It Feel Wrong?

Everything you asked for is finally happening.
 So why can’t you relax into it?

You say you want help.
 You say you want to be seen.
 So why does it feel… wrong when it finally shows up?

In this episode, we dig into a pattern a lot of men don’t even realize they’re stuck in — asking for support, and then quietly pushing it away when it arrives.

Not because you don’t want it.
 But because somewhere along the line, carrying everything became part of who you are.

We talk about:

•  why support can feel uncomfortable instead of relieving 
•  how being “the one who handles everything” becomes an identity 
•  and what happens when that identity starts to shift 

And more importantly — what to do in the moment when your instinct is to shut it down.

This isn’t about fixing yourself.
 It’s about noticing what’s already happening… and choosing differently.

If this hit, share it with someone who needs to hear it. 

Connect & Follow:

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/maninmotionpodcast
Facebook → https://www.facebook.com/TheManInMotionPodcast
TikTok → https://tiktok.com/@themaninmotionpodcast
YouTube → https://youtube.com/@themaninmotionpodcast

Presented by Madison’s Path
https://madisonspath.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I've got a different kind of episode today for y'all. I want to talk about something that's hitting me where I live.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

So the other day, I walked into my house. And everything was handled.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Yard was done, dinner's being made, kids were moving. And something felt wrong. Welcome to the Man in Motion Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I'm Bob. And today we are talking about something that I did not expect to run into.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

So the other day, I'd had a long day at work.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

It just and actually it was it was more than just a day. Because it I hadn't really had good sleep in a couple days. And work had just been a bitch. But a million little things keep pecking at you. And they stack up and they don't let you go. But I get done, I get my truck, I'm driving home, and I'm already running the list in my head. I need to cut the grass. Dinner's got to get made. A thousand other things to handle.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Just more to do. So I pull up to the house. And this is where it gets weird. Because I pull up to the house, and the front lawn's already cut. And I can hear the mower running out back. I walk inside. My middle daughter's in the kitchen. Dinner's already in progress. She's handling it. Glance out the back window. Through the actually double glass doors we have. And I see my youngest going by pushing the mower.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

My oldest is actually over for a visit. And she's there with the grandson, and she's got the grandson handled.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

And my wife is even out back. She's picking up some sticks, helping to finish up the yard. Everything's in motion. Everything's being handled. Literally.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

About 80% of the things on my list that I had to do were in progress or done.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

And I didn't touch a single bit of it. And then to top it all off, my wife comes in and takes one look at me.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Instantly knows the kind of day I had because she's amazing like.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

You know, go relax. And on the surface, I was like, oh hell yes. I can get behind this. Scoop scoop the boy up. And in we go to the bedroom. Lay down on the bed. Grandson's laying there next to me. And the brain won't stop. It just won't shut off. And see, this is this is the problem. This is the contradiction. Everything I could have asked for.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

And then some was being handled. And I was not doing any of it. Not a single blessed thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

That should have felt amazing. It should have felt. Should have felt like relief. Should have felt supported.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

And then I get to do one of my favorite things is spending time with my grandson. You know, when it's when it's nap time, I like to throw on the uh the Barrett Jackson auto auction. And he just he loves the colors. It's the bright colors and it's the the motion and the he just loves it. And I'm a car guy, so you know, it's fun for me as well. That's that's usually a reset for me, those moments.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Something that I I looked forward to. And I couldn't relax.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Couldn't rest. Couldn't settle into that moment. I couldn't be present in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

My damn brain wouldn't shut up. Something in me just didn't trust what was going on. So I'm laying there waiting for it. Waiting to find out what they want. Waiting to find out what they're gonna want from me.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

What is wrong with me? Why can't I settle into this? Everything's handled. I literally don't have a single thing to do. Not one thing was left for me to handle.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Why can't I just rest?

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Why can't I relax? Why can't I feel seen? Why can't I feel supported?

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Everything I say I want was happening in that moment. And I'm laying there and just can't let it go. What is that? And that's when the thought comes. And it's a thought most of us have. And it's simply this. I don't trust who I am when I'm not the one carrying everything. I don't. Because if I'm not the one handling it, then who is?

SPEAKER_00 8:19

If I'm not doing it now, when does it get done? And that voice, that voice that runs around in the back of our heads.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

It has to be you. Someone else could get it wrong. And once that voice starts, there's no rest there. You see, boys and girls, this this voice, it does not show up out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

And it's from being on, quote unquote, for so long, for handling every damn thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

That somewhere in the course of things, it stops being something I do and starts becoming who I am and how I define myself. And when that happens, when carrying everything becomes your identity. Not because it is, because it doesn't match who you have forced yourself to be. Who they've made you be. And the cost of that. I ask to be seen. I ask to be helped. I ask for people around me to notice that I'm tired. That I'm carrying too much. That I can't keep doing this by myself. And then they see it. God love them, they see it. And they step in. And they start taking some of that load. They take some of that weight. And what do I do? I don't receive it. I don't rest in it. I don't let it be good. I don't let it be the blessing that it is. And I start feeling like I'm walking through a minefield. I start looking for the catch. I start thinking maybe somebody's mad. Or maybe there's a bill coming, do. Or maybe there's just a really, really big ask coming. The problem with this, and this is this is the bitch. Because what you've just done right there is create a loop. Because you're actually training the people around you to not help you. Because if you do that long enough, they stop trying. And it's not because they don't care. Because when they try to reach out, they flinch. Sooner or later they stop reaching out. And it's because you've taught them. So if that's you, maybe nothing's wrong. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

This is just what it feels like when things in your life start to shift.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

And you haven't caught up yet. You aren't broken. It's uncomfortable because it's unfamiliar.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

So, my friends, the next time this shows up, when everything's handled, and something in you starts tightening up, your throat closes, or you feel like you can't sit down.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Don't fix it.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Don't go looking for what's wrong. Don't jump up and start doing everything.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Just so you can feel like you think you're supposed to feel. Just sit there and notice it.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Notice what it feels like to be seen. Notice what it feels like to be heard and to be helped and to be cared for and to be lifted up. And then notice that your brain also doesn't trust this yet. Because that urge to jump up and start handling things and pushing people out of the way, that's your brain trying to get back to what's familiar.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Even if what's familiar is what's been wearing you the hell out. Don't act on it. Let them do it.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Accept that, yeah, it might not be perfect exactly how you wanted to do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

And you don't have to relax. Just accept it. And don't shut it down. Because just because how they're trying to show you they love you doesn't match up with exactly how you do it. Doesn't mean it's wrong. Brothers and sisters, take what works, leave what doesn't. Be intentional and choose.