Episode 21 - The Job Has Changed

Success does not always feel like relief.

Sometimes the fight works. The thing you protected grows. The life you were trying to build starts becoming real. The mission advances.

And then the role that got you there no longer fits the same way.

In this episode, Bob talks about what happens when growth requires a different version of you than survival did. Through a personal moment with his daughter’s senior prom, he explores the strange grief and pride of realizing the job is not over — it has changed.

This is not about becoming passive, disappearing, or regretting who you had to be.

It is about recognizing that the version of you who fought, protected, carried, and built may deserve respect… while still needing to mature into what comes next.

Take what works. Leave what doesn’t. Choose — and keep moving.

If this hit, share it with someone who needs to hear it. 

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Presented by Madison’s Path
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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You fought long and hard. You protected what needed protecting. You built what needed building. You carried the thing that you needed to carry. You held your line when holding a line was the only thing you knew how to do. And then one day you realize it's it's a strange feeling.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

You realize that it worked. That the fight got you somewhere. That it mattered. People you were protecting grew, that the life that you were trying to build became real. And the thing that you were striving to create, it's working. And now success is asking from you something that the struggle never asked for. It's asking you to change.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Version of you that fought for success might not be the version of you that knows how to live after it arrives. Fighting gives you a role. Protecting gives you a role. Carrying everything gives you a role.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

What happens when that fight ends?

SPEAKER_01 1:22

What happens when the people or the work or the mission or the life you fought for eventually needs a different version of you? What happens when growth requires a different version of you than survival did?

SPEAKER_02 1:38

It becomes a question nobody can answer for you. But how? Welcome to the Man in Motion Podcast, episode 21.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

The job has changed. No hacks, no fixing yourself, just awareness, responsibility, and choosing direction while you're in motion. No excuses ever forward.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

We go through a lot of seasons in life.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

And we strive to adapt and to grow and to change and become what we need to be with them. I've mentioned this before in a couple of past episodes. My kids are growing.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Yesterday, in fact. And it it surprised me.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

And it's so much more than it looks like on the surface. So follow the story for a minute and you'll see where I'm going with this. See, yesterday was my daughter's senior prom. And it's a very big event. Obviously, senior proms always are. Everyone creates prom floats. And they do a big parade, and the kids arrive to the prom uh on these floats. And then they go in and the school's all redone. That the parents and some of the younger underclassmen spend months painting artwork and murals and stuff that they gets hung up on the night of the senior prom. It's a very big thing. So yesterday, as I'm driving, driving the truck, towing the the the trailer with their float on it.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

And it it hit me.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

You know, I've spent most of my girls' lives trying to protect them. I've been trying to teach them right from wrong. I've been trying to keep them from people who are not good for them.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

Trying to make sure they have a strong moral compassion. And I looked at my daughter, and uh I realized my my job I was was over. But it's not.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

But it is, but it's not. And it it the th the thought dragged me around in circles for a while. And this isn't just a oh, I'm I'm a proud daddy story. There's there's a lot to this because I this this isn't just about this.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

I realize that this applies to so much. You know what what happens when you're building a business and you're struggling and fighting, and you get to a point where you're successful? What happens when the mission succeeds?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

What happens when the thing that you're trying to build grows? What happens when you grow?

SPEAKER_02 5:48

What happens when you change? You know the old version of us the one that was in the fight, the one that was in the struggle, the one was knee deep in it. It wasn't wrong. It's not wrong.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

It was it was necessary. The person you were to get through that was necessary.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

We've we've talked about this.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

It was built by adaptations that worked. By the circumstances you found yourself in, by carrying the loads that needed to be carried.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

It was who you needed to be in that moment. So that that version of you, that's not, that's not, it wasn't wrong.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

I don't want you to think I'm saying that because that's not that's not what this is. You know, the the the struggle was real, as they say. You you protected something real, you built something real, you held something together, even if that was just yourself.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

You got people. You got work, you got your mission, you got your life through something. And that version of you might not have been pretty. And it might have been intense. You might be tired. And it might not fit where you are or where you're going anymore. But that version of you deserves some respect. Because it's the version that got you to where you are today. That version of you was not the enemy. That version of you is the reason you're standing here right now. And you might not be happy with it, and you might not be able to see that.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

But I can tell you this right now. That version of you is the only reason that there's something here that is growing right now.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

That version of you was created for a struggle, for a fight, for a time of challenge in your life. You know, without going into specifics, my girls have had some challenges in their life. They buried a sister. From a uh a divorced family, now part of a combined family. And a lot of other stuff.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

And that's that's those stories are theirs to tell, not mine. But they've they've been through it, and in response, I've been through it, getting them there, getting them through it, seeing them through those days, trying to mold them, trying to help them grow.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

And I became a person that was the person that was needed to get them there.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

But then comes the problem, and it's where I am right now is that the goal is to not fight forever. The goal is is to achieve something, the goal is to to win, quote unquote. The goal is to get somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

So now what do I do?

SPEAKER_01 10:26

What I do is to realize that my job has changed. The work has changed, the assignment has changed because the mission has advanced.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Again, this isn't just about kids. Whatever your old role was, at some point it stops working. And we struggle with that. I know I've been, but we sh we struggle with that. And it's because we're trying to take new jobs and fit them into an old role. It doesn't work. The thing that built us, the thing that protected us, might now be holding us back. The person we were might be holding us back. And it's hard for us to realize that sometimes. And it's not because the role failed, because it worked. Success isn't always relief. Sometimes success means you have to become something more, you have to grow. And that's pretty fucking scary sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

You know, when you're when you're in that mode, when you're in that section of life, these roles, whether it's it's uh building a building a business or you know founding a an organization or or being a father to young kids or protecting your wife or whatever, whatever. Those are roles. Fighting gives you a role, building gives you a role, protecting gives you a role, carrying gives you a role.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

And being needed like that, start to make it a part of your identity. But when the need for that person starts lifting, starts going away, it feels strange. It does.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Pressure means you have an objective, you have a set point you're trying to reach, you have a timeline, and that crisis gives you clarity of thought to focus on that. And survival became about identifying what you could do to get there, what you had to do to get there. And then we get there and we feel confused because the old instructions, they don't work anymore. The old mentalities, the old role, it doesn't fit anymore.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

So we start feeling lost. Starts feeling like an identity crisis. When you build your identity around the fight, success. Success gets confusing. The hard part's not always surviving. Sometimes the hard part is learning about who you are when survival is no longer the assignment. But see, here's what I'm realizing, guys and girls. Here's where this is coming from. This is where this is going. See. You notice when I when I said the title that the job has changed. I didn't say the job is over. Because it's not. The role might have changed. Maybe you no longer have to fight.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Maybe the fight's no longer yours to fight. Maybe you're now the mentor. Maybe your business is successful and you've got people working for you, and now you are just standing there holding the reins and choosing direction.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

In my case, my kids are growing. They're moving off. Starting families of their own, starting college. Does that mean I'm no longer a dad? No. But it's changed. My assignment has changed. My assignment has changed shape. The responsibilities that I carried in many cases aren't mine to carry anymore. Do I still have a responsibility to my kids? Absolutely. And I always will. I will always choose that. But at some point my job becomes not to be the one that's in charge of everything for them. It's to be a guiding light. It's to go from protector to guide. From fighter to the steady presence. Instead of carrying the weight, I become an advisor and a confidant. And that control means I have to trust them now. And my strength comes not from my force of will, but from my restraint. No, no. When we when we get to our goals, the job is not over. It's just different. It's changed. It's a different set of responsibilities. So then that brings us back to the question of, but how? How do I do this? It's always the question, isn't it? How the hell do I do this?

SPEAKER_01 18:02

I'm not going to pretend it's easy. It's not. It never is. We spend so much time in the struggle that when we get to the point where the struggle's done, we don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

But the answer's actually there. And it's the same damn way that we learned how to get through the struggle. Step by step, day by day, moment by moment, not all at once. Not by disappearing. Not by changing who we are, not by shaming who we had to be to get to where we are. What does this moment need for me right now? Protection or guidance? Control or trust? At some point we have to accept that we've succeeded. And now we have to figure out how to live in that success. And the simplest way by to do it is to just do it.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Recognize that the job just changed. It's not over, it's not done. You're not thrown away. You're not irrelevant.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

It's just different now.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

The version of you that fought and protected and carried and billed and did all those other things deserves respect.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

That is the version that got you to where you are. But at some point, the thing that you fought for is going to grow. And it doesn't matter if it's a child or a business or something in between. It will. And that's when you have to grow with it. Not disappear, not become passive, not become less. Just mature. Because sometimes the people, the work, the mission, whatever, whatever it is we fought for will need a new version of us. So maybe it's not proof that we've just lost our purpose. Maybe it's proof that our purpose actually worked. Take what works. Leave what doesn't. Choose and keep moving.