Episode 24: You Thought “I’m Good” Was the Answer. It Wasn’t.

Men say “I’m good” all the time. Or "I got this."  Or maybe it's "I'll figure this out."

Sometimes it’s true.

Sometimes it’s just the fastest way to end the conversation.

The problem is, most of us accept it and keep moving.

But what happens when something feels off?

What happens when you ask again — and this time, you actually mean it?

This episode is about noticing the men around you, asking the real question, and being willing to stay when the answer is heavier than you expected.

Because sometimes brotherhood means asking again.

And sometimes it means being there long enough to hear the truth.

Take what’s useful. Leave what’s not. Choose — and keep moving.

If this hit, share it with someone who needs to hear it. 

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Presented by Madison’s Path
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Whenever Mr. F and I see each other, we usually do the same thing. We stop immediately what we're doing. And we hug it out. We catch up. And usually at some point in that conversation, one of us asks the other one the question, You good? And the answer is usually the automatic response. Yeah, I'm good. But with us, that's not really the answer yet. Because immediately the next question is, no, I asked if you're good. And that's that's where the real conversation starts. The first question, that's the one everyone gets. You good? Yeah, I'm good. And everyone keeps moving. The second question's different. The second question means I'm actually asking. It means I'm paying attention. It means if the answer is something other than I'm good, there's room for that. And the part that matters the most, I think, is that if the answer is something other than I'm good, I'm here and I'm willing to stay for the answer. See, that's that's the thing with that. You have to actually hear the answer. And it can be uncomfortable. And you're not gonna often know what to say. And a lot of times the answer is gonna be heavier than you expected. Which is funny because men are so damn good at saying we're fine. We say it when we're tired, we say it when we're angry, we say it when things at home are falling apart. We say it because we don't even know how to explain what's wrong yet, don't have the words for it. And most of the time, people take that first answer and they move on. Sometimes, friendship means asking again, not pushing, not trying to fix, not trying to change, but because we want them to know that they matter, that we're not just asking out of that the habit. And that we actually do care enough to hear the answer. Welcome to the Man in Motion Podcast, episode 24. You thought I'm good was the answer? It wasn't. I'm Bob. This is a show about what it means to be a man in today's world, navigating real life with strength, purpose, and clarity. No hype, no hacks, no fixing yourself, just awareness, responsibility, and choosing direction while you're already in motion. Ever forward. Let's get into it. There's a lot of different versions of I'm good. There's um there's oh yeah, I'm fine, or I'm doing great, or living the dream, or insert your favorite answer to how you're doing. Everyone wants to believe them, but most of the time it's this plight fiction that lets both sides acknowledge that they've seen the other physically and that they've maintained the correct form of social engagement. And and to be clear, sometimes it's true. But most of the time, it's an easy exit, right? The man answering the question doesn't have to explain something he's still trying to figure out, or you know, sometimes the man answering is saying, Yeah, I don't think you actually give a shit. So here's your answer, and neither person is left standing there trying to decide, well, what do I do now? Because you've just kept it moving. Good works because it gives both sides of the conversation permission to just end it, end the conversation, and move along. But see, here's the thing men have the ability to work and joke and provide and show up and carry enormous weights, and on the outside, you won't see it. You won't see a damn bit of it. Visible collapse, if you see a man hitting a point of visible collapse, you know he's carrying something heavy. And that idea that well he seemed fine, but really only means that he's just still functioning. So what do we do with this? Because most guys know we're not fine. We are not okay. If it's someone you care about, hopefully you have enough context to notice the changes from his normal. You know, and there's not going to be some universal list of warning signs. Like I can't put a caption up on the screen and says if they're doing this, they're in trouble. It's not that simple. What you are looking for though is a change from his or her baseline behavior. You know, someone who's normally quiet, them being quiet is not a red flag. Someone who is busy, it's not automatically them avoiding everything. It's they might just genuinely be busy. What you're looking for is something that feels different. And that's really what we're after is someone to notice that difference, someone to notice that change, someone to notice that they're struggling. And a lot of times that's all the person needs. It's all a man or a woman needs is to know that they're seen. Don't need to know what happened. You don't need to have a diagnosis. Damn sure don't have to wait for visible collapse. Just need to check in, check on each other. You know, the whole idea of a buddy check. When was the last time you actually did a buddy check? And meant it. And really meant it. Not like I said, not the first you good. Not not the first one, the second one. The second one in that conversation. The first one, or whatever version of that greeting you're using, how are you today? How's your day? You know, whatever, whatever that one is. That's the social habit. That's because we're tribal creatures, how we're built, and we want to acknowledge each other that you know, I see you in passing. And the first response is always going to be that same, that same thing, that social construct that we've created. And oftentimes, we're already moving before the question gets answered. But when you do that check, that buddy check, asking again shows that it's not the social norm that we're we're we're dealing with. It's not the habit. It says I see you, it says I hear you, says I'm creating an opening for an answer if that's not actually the answer. And to be clear, there's there's no guarantee that the other person will use it, that they'll take it. Maybe they'll just say, no, really, I'm good. I'm good, I got it. And that's okay, because you don't want to force the issue, you don't want to force a conversation because it just means they're not ready. But it does let them know, hey, you matter to me, and when there is more, I'm here for it. It's an invitation, it's not an extraction, not forcing a confession. Your job is to just make honesty possible. A real buddy check, it doesn't demand the truth, it just makes room for it. But here's the thing: this is the responsibility you take on with this. If you ask, you have to be there for the answer. Don't start a buddy check if you're not willing to see it through, if you're not willing to take the time and make the space and have the connection. You know, you have to accept that that answer it might get a lot heavier than you expected, and it might be awkward or incomplete or angry or confused, and you're not gonna know what to say. You're gonna sit there going, oh fuck, I didn't I didn't realize, I didn't know. You know, we we we take this, we don't do this enough, and we hide it behind the I did not want to pry, which is such a bullshit excuse. You know, I wanted to respect his privacy, but a lot of times that I did not want to pry usually means also I did not want to hear. Or giving him space, it gives you both an exit. Silence is easier, but it's not better. Sometimes friendship, brotherhood, and sisterhood, it means that you're willing to accept that inconvenient truth, that hard thing that you don't want to hear. So we tell ourselves, I'm respecting his privacy, and it gives ourselves permission not to notice. But if you ask for the truth, you have to be willing to stay for it. I can't emphasize that enough. And and listen. You know, we in the Unstuck program, I have this thing that I teach where you are listening to understand and not listening to respond. And think about that. Don't don't immediately interrupt him, don't compare his problem to yours. Don't don't minimize, don't rush towards advice and don't make your answer about your reaction to what he said. Listening is doing something. Now, to be clear, I'm telling you to support each other. But that doesn't mean taking ownership. You're not a therapist unless you are a therapist, which is possible. But you can't force honesty out of them. You can't make choices for the person, you can't carry their whole life for them. But you want to stand with them without trying to control them. Let them know they're not alone. Let them know they have help, but they're not helpless. You have to learn how to care without making yourself responsible for the outcome. Keep showing up without making their struggle your identity. You know, I would I I would respect their privacy with anything they tell you. Take answers very seriously. Do not treat one conversation as the entire job. Follow up. Offer practical help when it's appropriate. But here's the big thing. You are not responsible for fixing him. You are responsible for what you do after he trusts you with the truth. Some answers, some answers are going to be hard. And some answers are going to require more than just privacy and a handshake. You know, with Mr. F and I, our relationship works because it's based on a very, very real question. And we've learned that the first answer is not the final answer. And because we have that trust, there's more room for honesty. And we know that the other person's actually going to listen. So, Mr. F, if you're listening, I think you know who you are. Thank you. Thank you. Our conversations over the years have meant a lot. And I do consider you my fam. That's it for today. Take what's useful, leave what's not. Choose and keep moving.