Episode 7: Mothers: The Unsung Leaders

This special Mother’s Day edition of Average Joe Leadership — “Mothers: The Unsung Leaders”.  We take a closer look at one of the greatest leadership examples many of us will ever experience: moms.

From compassion and sacrifice to resilience, hard work, and investing in others, mothers model the kind of leadership that shapes families, workplaces, teams, and lives every single day. In this episode, we unpack the leadership lessons moms naturally demonstrate and how those same principles can help us become stronger leaders in our homes, organizations, and communities.

Whether you’re a leader, parent, coach, educator, or simply someone grateful for the influence of a mother figure, this episode is a reminder that some of the most powerful leadership happens quietly, consistently, and behind the scenes.

Because sometimes the greatest leaders never ask for the title.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

All right, welcome back to the Average Joe Leadership Podcast where we are discovering the leader inside of you. Or if you already know you're a leader, we are diving in in order to make you the best possible leader that you can be. We are on this journey together. My name is Joseph Melms, and I am learning, leading, and growing right alongside of you. Happy Mother's Day. It is a special Mother's Day edition of the Average Joe Leadership Podcast. So today I want to dedicate this podcast to my wife, Lacey. She is my partner. She is the mother of my children. She is amazing. And so today we're going to talk about the Ang Sung heroes, the mothers. And largely today, we're going to talk from the frame of reference from the things that I've learned from my wife and some of the things I've learned from my own personal mom. But I do think that we don't talk enough about the leadership of mothers and what we can learn from moms in the world of leadership. And so with that, I want to jump right in. Because I do feel like if you listen back to several episodes ago, we talked about leading from where you are. And oftentimes I don't think that moms or mothers would necessarily look at the role of motherhood as being a leadership position. You know, biblically we hear that the man should lead the home, the household of the home. But in all reality, a good mother is the one who's really leading from that seat. And so that seat leader, she's leading from that role of mother. And there's so much to be learned from in leadership from the moms and how they carry on uh on a regular basis. So we're gonna dive right in. And one of the first things uh that I learned from my wife, and I watch her on an everyday basis, and it makes me super proud that she is the mother of my children, is that she is so very sacrificial. And and what I mean by that is that um more often than not, she puts everybody else's needs, desires, wants first, right? And I think that if we all look at mothers in our lives, that we would see that as a pretty common thread. You know, moms I mean, I just think at our house, right? I don't think a mother wants to spend her her day off if she's a working mom, um, or even if she's not a working mom, I don't want I don't think any mother wants to spend the entire day cleaning the house or doing other people's laundry or prepping for dinners and and foods or paying the bills or or you know, going grocery shopping uh or creating that schedule of when I gotta pick up the kids, where do they gotta go, what does my kids need? And so a mother's love is so sacrificial that oftentimes she puts her needs over everybody else's needs. And so from a leadership lens, one of the things that I think we often forget as leaders is that while we may not love our employees, our staffs, or anything like that to where we are going to sacrifice all the things, you know, for their benefit, we do have to put them in a place and we do have to treat our staff and our employees in in a in a situation to where we are looking at their needs, we're looking at what's best for them, how do we help them grow? How do we set them up for success? And in a lot of cases, there is sacrifices to be made. And so from a leadership standpoint, my wife and and mothers out there that sacrifice their own personal joys and sacrifice their time in order to help support their children are a great example of how we as leaders should do some of the same stuff. You know, one of the things that my wife and I talk about on a regular basis, and sometimes it drives her crazy. We just got done doing prom not too long ago. And one of the things that I try to do for my team, because the whole admin team goes, and and we're all like any other admin team, we wait for all the kids to get picked up. We want to make sure our students are safe and all those things. But one of the things I try to do is let my team go earlier than I go. Um, it's just one of those ways. Again, it's a very small sacrifice, um, but they've put in a lot of time, a lot of hours. I've got team members that live far away. I've got team members with little kids and little children. And so all that to say, uh, that's kind of an area where I try to sacrifice for my own leadership team in order to, again, put their needs ahead of my own needs, uh, and especially where I can. You know, we're all torn in a multiple direction. We're torn um with our own personal lives, we're torn with our careers, what's best for our organizations, our clients, whatever the different things are. And so um being able to find opportunities to sacrifice for your people is a great model of what a great leader does. And again, you can learn that right there from your own family. Uh another thing that I think is interesting about mothers and what they do oftentimes, and I don't think they always know that they do this, is that moms try really, really hard, and I know my wife is this way too, to learn about and be interested in the things that our family is involved in. So, for example, uh, you know, my daughter was a cheerleader, um, and so we became cheer parents. So, in the process of becoming cheer parents, whether it was by paying attention or whether it was just by, you know, uh researching or looking into things, my wife got to know the things about tumbling. I mean, she can tell you so much more about cheer than I can. So I'm I'm not gonna sit here and fumble through the different things, the fools and the twists and the different tumblings and the competitions and all these different things. But my wife, because she's invested in my children's uh activities and success, she spends time getting to know those things. We're a huge baseball family. My my uh youngest son, my oldest and my youngest son both played baseball growing up uh for the longest time. And so I as a dad, and just I grew up playing baseball, I love the game. And so my wife has become a baseball parent. And it's funny because she was a coach's wife for a long time, and she'll send me a video and we'll have these conversations. Just recently, she sent me a video about uh an inside the park home run, and um, and she goes, Is this really an inside the park home run? Because I was thinking it was a game changer nightmare because I was a big fan of making sure that stats were accurate, and so I was not the guy that was like, Okay, the kid hits the ball to the pitcher, the pitcher overthrows first base, and because he overthrows first base, he goes from first to second, and then they overthrow and overthrow and overthrow, and then all of a sudden the kid goes from hitting a ball to the pitcher to scoring. And a lot of parents would call that a home run. And I would always tell my wife, no, no, no, no, that's not a home run, that's a an error, you know, a four-base error, basically. And so we we still have those conversations. Like I said, she just sent me a clip the other day and goes, you know, this looks like a game changer nightmare. Is it really a home run? And and we had that conversation. So it's really cool that, you know, moms and they just they just they care so much about their families and their their husbands that they take the time to be interested and to learn about the things that their kids are involved in, the things that their husband's involved in. My wife does that for me, and you know, and I'm not even her child. Well, she might think I'm her fourth child, but uh, in all reality, um, the truth of the matter is a great leadership lesson from that is is investing in the people around you, right? So one of the things I have a uh one of my colleagues, him and I have worked together for the last three years, and over the course of this last year, uh our spiritual relationship has gotten better because I've learned, you know, just by observing and listening to him, you know, he is grounded in his faith. And so I try to grow in my faith every single day. And so because of that, I'm able to share with him and have conversations with him, you know, that are grounded in scripture, biblical truths, and we've actually expanded. And there's another uh, you know, coworker that's involved in that as well. But it has made our relationship and our work dynamic that much better. I think there, I think for both of us, we enjoy going to work and being able to have that conversation. It's a safe uh grouping of people to have that conversation with because we both share that common interest. Uh, I think if we do that more and more in that building relationship phase, right? Because we always talk about we got to build relationships with our people in order to grow. I think what happens is as they see the leader being more invested or more knowledgeable about the things they're interested in, it creates that connection. And people want to work with and for people they feel connected to. They feel like actually have an authentic interest in the things that they do. And they start to see the leader as somebody who's not just a boss, who's not just the guy managing, you know, the sales, managing the school, managing the store. They're the person who's actually a human who has, you know, morals and values and interests and hobby. And so um, again, just spending time to get to learn about the people and what makes them tick will allow you to connect with them on a different level and help increase that productivity, help increase retention, uh, and it allows us to really grow the culture of our staff as well. Because once you, you know, if you get everybody kind of having that synergy, so to speak, of being able to say, hey, you know, I'm connected to three, four, five people in here because, you know, I'm interested in in gaming or I'm interested in sports or I'm interested in reading, whatever the case is, it just creates this culture of community and sharing that um really can help your company or your business or your organization flourish because people are just happy because they don't have to spend eight to 10 to 12 hours a day focused on the numbers, focused on the data, focused on the work, that they can they can breathe a little bit, they can have a little bit of conversation, they can enjoy, enjoy their workplace atmosphere because you do spend a lot more time often at the work than you do home. So being comfortable at the workplace, something that again you can learn from the moms as they learn about the different things that uh each of their children are involved in and get um they just get involved with that too, so that you they can again be connected to their kids and support and just really, really dive into that support. Support's gonna be a common theme throughout you know what we learn from moms. A third lesson that I take away kind of from uh moms and what they uh can teach us as leaders is that it's that work ethic, right? Like I don't know if anybody's ever paid attention, but man, moms have great work ethics. You know, I learned that early on from my own mom. Uh, she's awesome. You know, she raised me and my brother and sister as a single parent for the most part. You know, she had multiple jobs, you know, she worked really, really hard to provide for us. I remember she, you know, often, you know, missed games and stuff just because she had to work and she had to take care of us. We never went without. I was able to do pretty much whatever I wanted to do, you know, growing up because she made sure it happened. And in order for that to happen, she had to work hard. And she still works hard to this day. And so I've been blessed enough. And I think oftentimes we find spouses or partners in our lives that are um similar to our parents. And so I've been super blessed to watch my wife do the exact same thing. My wife is a tremendously hard worker. Um, I mean, she she wakes up in the morning and getting after it, whether it's cleaning the house or whether it's getting up and going to work. You know, she has uh a couple different jobs that she does because uh partly because she enjoys it, partly because we have adult children that uh feel like they cost more money than when they were younger. Um, but uh she helps out with those things as well. And and she just works really hard. And the stories that she tells me from work, I just it makes me so proud every time listening to her. So that work ethic is really being modeled every single day at the house with um the moms. You know, the moms do that often. And so uh for that to be passed down to my children will be is great for me to watch my wife do that and and for me to kind of model that in my own personal and professional life, uh just it inspires me personally. So again, that hard work, that work ethic, you know, most leaders are hard workers, you just you can't get around it. And so one of the things that I would encourage people to do is model that, right? Lead by example. So don't be the leader that gives directives, gives demands and commands and everything else, but doesn't put forth the work and doesn't work hard. You know, there there are leaders, and we've all seen them, that they have a title somehow, some way they got there, but their work ethic is missing tremendously. So, like a mom, like a great mom, put forth that work ethic. Get in there and do what it takes to get the job done. We have a motto at my school on you know that I'm trying to get everybody to get on board and it and it's whatever it takes, right? So it's wit. And a lot of people have this model everywhere. But the thing that I think is really cool about moms, moms exemplify that. Moms always are doing whatever it takes to get to get the job done, to get the house clean, to make everybody happy, you know, and to really drive that household. So um, again, another great example of a leader from the house, a leader that we can aspire to be is that hardworking person that really drives everything. And so as we continue to move uh through our leadership, I got two more things that I want to hit because I don't want to make this too terribly long. I could talk about my wife and her um motherhood and what she's done for our family for hours, but uh, I don't want to drone on about how awesome my wife is. But what I will tell you is the next thing that she has is compassion. And, you know, especially for my children, probably more for my children than anybody else in in her life, it's interesting because she's amazing in the fact that she's constantly trying to teach them lessons. She's super strong and independent and strong-willed. So she holds them accountable, right? And so sometimes that accountability comes off firm uh and it comes off demanding, but she wants what's best for my children. And so she's constantly um holding them accountable and she's constantly pushing them hard. And um, you know, my children don't always appreciate that. And I think that oftentimes they get frustrated with it. And and again, it makes sense because no kid wants to hear, you know, anything from their parents, really. I mean, let's be honest. Um, but they definitely don't want to hear that they're not doing something right or they're they're not going in the right direction. But my wife is so good about staying grounded in her beliefs and her guidance of you know, trying to get them set up and on the right path for their future that she stays strong in her, you know, convictions about what the kids should be doing and learning and growing as they continue to grow up into adulthood. But but she's so very compassionate and loving. Like that's the thing about it, is that the kids don't always see this. There are so many times behind the scenes that she pushes so hard, and then there's a pushback, and she wants so much for her children, and she wants so much for our kids to to just be great and to have all the things they want and to be successful. And when she feels like it's not getting through, or she feels like they're going down a path that is not in their best interest, she oftentimes will be broken. And there's been many times where I've just had to put my arms around her and and hug her and hold her because she's broken to the point where she's crying and she's upset, or there's been many times where she'll call me and get so upset and she starts off frustrated, but then she starts, then she gets to be brokenhearted. Because behind that firmness and accountability really is that compassion. She truly, truly, her actions are out of love. Her actions are out of wanting our kids to have the very best life possible, to avoid the pitfalls that we we had. And so um it's interesting because there are times where I'm laxadaisical as a as a dad, and then there are other times where I'm hard-nosed, but there you can't see the compassion. I think right now my son probably feels like we're in that season of life. And so, but my wife is always, always strong about being loving and compassionate, and she always says to the kids, no matter how she feels, how angry she is, I love you. And she makes sure they know she loves them. I just hope that they receive it as much as she means it. And so that leadership lesson translates into this is that we need to have compassion for our people, right? We and I'm gonna give you two things on that. Number one is that I would love we have to look at people as as humans, we have to look at people as God's children. Uh, we we oftentimes I believe that we should look at our careers as mission fields as well. And so there's gotta be compassion there and understanding that people are human, people make mistakes. Um, but that's challenging because we also have to grow people and people have to be willing to receive that growth and be willing to come back. But all that to say, I think that our actions and the way we treat people and the way we do things need to be driven from a place of positivity, and they really need to be driven from a place of truthfully wanting those people to succeed, to grow, and to be better. And I would tell people all the time, like we do coaching plans at where I'm at. And so I tell people all the time, nobody wants to be on a coaching plan. And coaching plans have a negative stigma as to, you know, hey, you get put on a coaching plan because they're trying to get rid of you. Well, the truth of the matter is that the coaching plan, I always tell people this all the time, is that I'd rather coach you and get better than have to get rid of you and hire somebody new because you don't know what you're hiring, and then you got to start all over from fresh, and unless you just get lucky, you you really are in a better spot to coach somebody who's willing to be coached and grow. But you have to have a little bit of compassion. You have to understand that they're not you, they're not the Jesus of whatever industry that you're in. And you've got to have a little bit of patience, you have to have an approach that is built out of compassion and understanding. And then through that, you can operate and again create a positive culture. Through that, you can create a productive culture if those people are willing to grow. And the truth of the matter is at some point they're not. And some people aren't. And that's okay. And then you'll have to know that you put it all on the table and then you move forward from there. But in all reality, we need to know that even when we're coming at somebody and holding somebody accountable at the workplace, that we're also doing it for what's best for them. And I I've been working with two individuals this the better part of the last several months, praying for these individuals, really trying to get them to understand. And I've only thing I've accomplished on the surface level is becoming the bad guy. But if you open up my heart and you see what's inside, you'll see that it's coming from a complete a place of compassion. You'll see that it's coming from a place of like trying to get them to truly understand. I mean, like I'm break, I'm begging God to help these folks understand that what I'm asking them to do, what I'm pushing them to do, where I'm holding them accountable, really isn't in their best interest, whether they believe it or not. And so all that to say, um, that compassion and that drive and that love of accountability is another great leadership lesson uh that moms all over teach us all the time. And last but not least, the one thing that I think is probably the most important lesson that you can learn from moms, and I know that I've learned this from mine, I know that I've learned this from my wife, is that at the end of the day, my wife is so much more invested in everyone in the household's success, a lot of times, probably more than her own success. That could have fallen under sacrifice, but I don't want it to be clear. We're not talking about sacrificing her time. We're not talking about sacrificing her, you know, hobbies, her joys, her things. We're talking about my wife lives and breathes on the success of the people in this household. She constantly is thinking about the success of her older son and what he's doing, not just success in his career, but a success in his relationship. And she's truly rooting for them. And sometimes she's rooting for him behind the scenes, sometimes she's giving him advice and mentors. She's rooting for my old, my daughter, my only daughter, I was gonna say my oldest daughter, but my only daughter, she's constantly rooting for her, you know, to uh again, not just for sex success in her career, but also to become a strong, independent woman like she is. Like she wants her to be confident and she wants her to believe in herself and really have this, you know, positive self-image, this positive drive and and um this desire for her to be a successful young woman as she continues to grow into adulthood. And then probably if my youngest son, she just is constantly pulling for his success. I mean, for years and years and years she pulled for his success on the baseball field. I think she might have been more broken when he decided to step away from the game than I was. Um I I think right now it still it hurts her a little bit just to even see pictures of when he played ball, you know, you know, not that long ago. And so, um but she really is invested in him figuring out what it is for his life, you know, and I think sometimes our kids, you know, they get confused with oh, that's what mom wants, that's what dad wants. And the truth of the matter is is that that's not how it is at all. She is just wanting whatever will make you happy, make you successful, and drive you to a better life. And so uh I think that is a great leadership lesson. And I could sit here, and it's not it's not Wives Day specifically, particularly, but she does the same thing for me. You know, we have our our conflicts and our conversations about how work in in my career can kind of um be imbalanced when it comes to work life, you know, uh stuff. But in the grand scheme of things, I know she's always rooting for me, she's always proud of me, and she's always wanting what's best for me. So I'm super appreciated, appreciative of that as well. So, with that, we can translate that into the workplace as you should be rooting for your people. I mean, that goes without saying. But how often do we get into a bad place in our workplace or somebody's made you mad or upset, or you've done something to where you stop rooting for your people? Well, when you stop rooting for your people, you stop rooting for success. And so, in the grand scheme of things, you should be in their corner cheering them on. A great leader cheers them on out loud. A great leader cheers them on personally and individually. A great leader is constantly rooting for the success of their people, their clients, their customers, their students, whatever it is. And so that is probably the best takeaway that I could get from my wife and the way she runs our family and the way she operates on a day-to-day basis is that she is constantly rooting for us. I want to, as a leader, constantly root for all my people. I want them to be successful. I'm dealing with one of my administrators. She's wanting to, you know, take a different direction in her career path. And it's hard. It's hard for me to root for because she's important to my success. She's important to our team's success and our campus. But at the end of the day, I'm I am rooting for her to do what's best for her career and what's best for her family as well. And so uh I'm thankful for my wife for setting that example at our house. Um, so that's it today, guys. Again, that's all about the moms in our lives. Uh, that's all about um what they can teach us. Moms are unsung leaders, guys. Don't, don't, don't sleep on the mom leadership. So uh I again thank you guys always for listening each and every week. I encourage you guys to share this with you and dedicate this to your uh wife or your mother. Uh let them hear this and tell them that's a reflection of how you feel about them. Uh, guys, thank you for everything you do. Continue to grow and get better every day. And like we always end up this podcast with be better today than yesterday. So do something today to be better and plan to do the same tomorrow. Thanks, guys. Until next time, this is the Average Joe Leadership Podcast.