Episode 8: The Assistant

In this episode, we explore the characteristics of a great assistant and the leader’s responsibility in developing one. We discuss what to look for—initiative, communication, discretion, ownership, and adaptability—and how leaders can build trust, delegate effectively, coach through mistakes, and create growth opportunities. The goal isn’t just finding help; it’s developing a trusted leadership partner.

Transcript

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All right, welcome back to the Average Joe Leadership Podcast, where we are unlocking, uncovering that leader inside you. If you already are a leader, maybe we are just working on refining the leader that you are and can be. My name is Joseph Milms, and I am learning and leading right beside you as we talk about various leadership topics and just try to continue to get better from where we are, continue to become better leaders each and every day through self-reflection, through conversation, and just really thinking about all those leadership topics out there so that we can just get better each and every single day. So, for those of you guys who don't know me, I am a high school principal. So leadership by trade is educational. Most of the stuff that we do talk about can go across multiple different avenues. I've been a baseball coach, I've been, I was in the military for a time, I've been a manager, I've worked in retail, I've done a lot of different things. But over the last 18 years, I've been working in education. And so the reason I bring that out to you is that yesterday we hired our last assistant principal. And so as we were going through that process, and I was sitting in several, several interviews on different assistant principals, it started to make me reflect a little bit on the role of the assistant. And so this week's topic, we're gonna talk about the assistant. What makes a great assistant? If you are aspiring to be an assistant, and this could be an assistant principal, an assistant coach, an assistant GM, assistant manager, teacher assistant. It doesn't matter what it is, it can be any assistant. But if you're looking to be an assistant, what makes what are the skill sets? What do we have to have as a great assistant? What should we be doing in order to be the best assistant possible? If we are a leader already and we're looking to hire assistants and we're looking to grow assistants, what do we need to be looking for? What do we need to do to help them get better and get to the next level? Because ultimately, the role of the assistant is to take the reins at some point of their own program, organization, company, team, whatever. And so there's a lot involved in that. So one is just getting that position, one is doing a great job at that position, and two is growing into that ultimate, you know, man in charge, female in charge, whatever it is, in order to become the primary person. So we're gonna talk about just a few things today. Uh again, this is something that that the role of the assistant can be defined by several different perspectives, right? And so ultimately, you know, every leader is gonna have a different desire or different request for that great assistant or who they want to be the assistant. And so really that is a matter of perspective. But we are gonna talk about a few things that I truly think will help everybody who's listening either grow great assistance or help you become a great assistant if that's what you want to be. We all had to start somewhere. So uh don't sleep on this podcast. Make sure you're you're tuning in, and I want you to listen to this in two different ways. And so, from one perspective, I think that we listen to this podcast as the leader who is looking to either A, hire a great assistant, or B, groom or grow a great assistant. Um, and that could be growing a person into the assistant role or growing the assistant into that principal or that leader primary role. Um the other perspective that we need to listen to this is that if you want to be an assistant, what are the skills, what are the attributes, what are the characteristics I need to have in order to be an assistant principal moving forward. So, with that being said, let's dive into a few things. The first thing I want to talk about, I want to jump with the the biggest elephant, the biggest monkey, the biggest thing first, because it was hard for me to swallow coming uh up as an assistant principal myself. So, not long after I got hired as an assistant principal, I had a veteran assistant pull me aside and she said, Hey, you know, Melms, your job is to make your boss look good. And I just I could not, for the life of me, grasp that concept. I I just couldn't put my head around that. Maybe it's my my ego, um, but in the grand scheme of things, I never thought to myself, hey, I want to be an assistant principal so that I can make my boss look good. And so I I didn't I couldn't buy into that right out of the shoot because in my head I wanted to make myself look good. I wanted to be the best assistant principal possible. I wanted to be viewed as a great leader, I wanted to be able to be considered for the next promotion, the next role, whatever. And so it was really hard for me to sink my teeth into the concept of my job was to make my boss look good. But let's unpack that for a second. In all reality, that really is the job of the assistant. Because if you think about it, an organization, when an organization is successful, they're gonna look at the leadership of that organization. So they're looking at the president, they're looking at the pastor of a church, they're looking at the coach of a team, they're looking at the principal of a school, they're looking at a general manager, they're looking at a manager of an organization, they're looking at all these people who are running those things. And so the only way the organization is good and successful is you have to have good leadership somewhere, right? There's got to be some good leadership in that pipeline. Yes, we can rise above the constraints of bad leaders and still be successful at times, but generally those leaders don't last. But if you have a good organization, a good program, a good team, whatever, generally there's good systems in place. And everybody who understands the concepts and the complexities of leadership understands that in a systems-driven organization, company, business, it's not the principal, the primary leader who runs those systems. They oversee those systems, they may create those systems, they may drive some pieces or parts of that systems, those systems, but the truth of the matter is it's the assistant that the assistants that drive all the systems in the programs. And so when an organization is good, and when you make your leader look good because the programs are running smoothly and the systems are running smoothly and the the output is being productive and quality and and positive, now what you're doing is you're creating this culture, this team that says, hey, this is a good team. This is a good organization. And not only that, if you have a good leader that's worth two nickels, they're going to tell you, they're going to sing your praises. They're going to say, Hey, I can't do it without my people. Or, you know, they're going to give you credit where credit's due. If you've created your own system, created your own program, or if you've driven the team, they're going to give you that credit when it's due. So I want you to think in terms of this. I don't know how many years ago it was, but it's been a while now. But a while back, Sean McVay, head coach of the Los Angeles Rams, won a handful of Super Bowls. Well, after he won some Super Bowls and he started taking that team to success, this is a young guy. This is a young guy who rose to success very early, did a great job with his teams, like I said, took him to the Super Bowl, won a Super Bowl. What happened was there was this wave of new coaches that were getting hired. And you know what their claim to success was? Is they were assistants for Coach Sean McVeigh. And so if you are making your coach look, you're a coach, your head coach, or you're making your primary look good, then what's gonna happen is that you're gonna reap those benefits as well. And so you're going to have to swallow your ego a little bit, bite the bullet, and really think to yourself, hey, my job is to win for this team, win for this organization. And in doing so, I really have to put my boss out there, and I gotta make him look good. And so it took me a little while to figure that out, but I gotta had a great relationship with my first principal. And so through that process, I was able to kind of wrap my head around it a little bit better. I started to learn what he was about and what he needed, and where I fit in in that program. That allowed me to grow because I was trying to make him look good. Because if he looked good, our school looked good. And if our school looked good, we became the picking pool. This is where the next leaders are gonna come from, this is where our best leaders are gonna come from. And so, really and honestly, making your boss look good is your job as the assistant. And so if you're a leader, so again, we're talking about two different viewpoints, right? So if you're currently a leader, teach your assistants that. Because it's not common knowledge. What I will tell you is sitting in a lot of interviews for assistant principals, one of the things that got some of these people brownie points was if I was sitting across the table from somebody who said, Hey, my job as the assistant principal is to make my principal look good, brownie point sold right there. You know what it's about. You understand leadership and the roles of leadership. But if you're the principal, your job is to hire people who will make you look good. So you got to be smart, you got to hire people who will fit your vision, who are gonna fit your mission. You've got to communicate your vision and mission so that they can execute for you. And then you got to make sure you're taking care of your people because if you take care of your people, they're gonna want to make you look good. And then ultimately, you're going to want to grow them and make them better. If you're aspiring to be an assistant, then what you want to do is you want to make sure that when you go in, you want to go into that building and you want to get to know that principle and say, okay, let me find out what makes him tick or makes her tick. Let me find out what my what my manager, what's his philosophy, what's the coach's vision for this team. What are we going to do to build this thing? What is what do they want to do as the as the leader? And then find your role in that. Find your your your part in that because that'll allow you to dig into that. And please, please, please, for those of you guys like me that have your egos not in check yet, you're not waking up every morning going, man, I want to go to work and I want to make Mr. Milms look great today. That's not what you're doing. No, you're you're waking up every morning going, hey, I want to be the best version of myself every day. But part of that best version of myself, because of the role I'm in, is to make my boss look good. And I make my boss looking good by doing a great job and working really hard and communicating and collaborating with them. So, again, the first thing I want to get you on right there, and that's the hardest one to swallow, that's the hardest pill to swallow, is you gotta make your boss look good if you're the assistant. All right, let's move on to the next concept. The next concept is you gotta make sure that you have a goal. You gotta have a want to, is what I call it. You gotta want to, one, do the job, but want to move up in that job. Start working for your next job. I was an assistant principal for about 37 seconds before I realized that I wanted to be a principal and that ultimately my goal was to become my own campus principal. Most people don't get into the role of assistant and say, I'm good now. I've arrived, I'm the assistant, that's all I ever wanted to be. Let me carry the clipboard for the next 20 years. No, most people who are super successful assistants, and I'm not saying you can't be, but most people who are super successful assistants are that way because they are driven, they're career driven, and they want to take that next step. So, what you need to do also, and again, hopefully you have a good boss and he'll let you allow allow you to do this, but you need to start working and operating in the mindset of the next job. So put that primary role on, that primary hat on. So if you're an assistant coach, put the hat of the coach on and say, okay, how would I run this if I was the coach? If I when I become a coach, what am I going to do? Start taking notes on those things. Start um getting ideas, start asking and collaborating with your primary, with your boss, with your manager, with your principal, with your with your general manager, and start saying, hey, here's some ideas. You're gonna have, again, different levels of bosses, but some bosses are gonna collaborate and they're gonna say, that's a great idea. Let's go, let's run with it. And you're gonna get to put some of your own things into play and it's gonna make you better. Some of you guys are gonna run into some situations where you maybe you don't know what you don't know, or you just have a boss that doesn't collaborate as well, and you may have to put that in your pocket for the future. You I took lots of notes coming up and as assistant that I put in my pocket that I've implemented since becoming a campus principal myself, you know, uh over 10 years ago. And so, with that being said, just start to work for the job that you want. Even in my role now as a campus principal, I often put on my superintendent hat. And so I try to make decisions from the lens of the superintendent seat because I know oftentimes my job, again, even as a campus principal, is to make my superintendent look good. And so if I put on the hat of a superintendent and I start to think like that, it'll help me be a better principal and a leader of the people I currently serve. And that helps you grow into that position. So have that want to, have that desire, because that's the other thing. Again, full transparency, sitting across the table from an interview, if that person is saying, hey, you know what? I'm applying for an assistant job, but my goal is to be the man, to be the boss, to take over and be in control at some point, that person's getting brownie points from me because I know that person's gonna work their tail off and to get to where they need to be. I know they're gonna be success driven. I know they're gonna be task and goal-oriented because they wanna take that next step. So have a little want-to. So, again, thinking in two frames, if you're the leader, make sure that you are encouraging that mindset. Make sure you are pushing that mindset. One of the things I tell my assistants every year before we start the school year is I always tell them is, hey, remember, run this place like it's yours. And if you cross a line, then I'll have that conversation with you. If you're wanting to make a big, massive decision, we need to collaborate and discuss it. Otherwise, I want you to walk into the building every day and run it like it's yours. That's gonna help you grow. That's gonna help you become a better leader in the grand scheme of things. So, as a leader of assistance, make sure you're nurturing that idea, nurturing that concept, and you're really pushing them to do that. Because once that person doesn't want your job, or once that person doesn't want, you know, to take that next step, they need to start really changing gears and start focusing on what they should be working on. I had this conversation with several of my assistants this past year, and some of them had finally decided they don't want to be a campus principal anymore. They wanted to work in human resources or something else. And so our conversation shifted to let's do a great job in the role you're in. You still got to execute and do a great job in the role you're in, but let's start finding you opportunities to grow in that human resources world so that you can be better prepared for that job when it comes available. So, as the leader, nurture that and help encourage that. As the assistant, again, ask questions, start to learn. And I don't want to overlap into this other lane that we're gonna talk about here in a second, but walk in and whether your principal's giving you permission or not, whether your primary is giving you permission or not, whether your coach, your manager, your pastor is giving you permission or not, walk in and have the confidence, have the idea, have the mindset of if this was my organization, my company, what would I, how would I run it? What would I do? In the instance that you are thrust into that leadership role, be prepared because you've been practicing it and you've had that mindset the whole time. So have that want to, have that desire, and work, work, work to get it. That's gonna drive me into my next one. As the assistant, you need to commit, work hard, and be dedicated. That reminds me of uh right as we were getting started with our assistant principal interviews. My boss and I had kind of a little sparring session, and she was asking me, she said, Hey, what do you need for your team? Because I have a team of six assistants, and she said, Well, what do you need for your team? I said, Well, I need somebody who's committed and works hard, you know, coachable, has a lot of energy, is always good for me. And she goes, No, no, no, no, no. Like, do you need somebody who's instructional? Do you need somebody who's got discipline? Do you need somebody who's knows special education? Like, what specifically do you need? So I said to her, I need somebody who's committed, um, work hard and coachable, and has a lot of energy that you know helps me out tremendously. And so, again, I don't know if this was my arrogance or whatever, she was looking for me to have something specific. And 10 years ago, in this industry, we were all hard chargers and we all had specific skill sets. Mine was structure and discipline, and so we all had different skill sets, and so when you could interview and hire a big pool of candidates, you could start picking out specific skill sets. Oh, this person's really good at English, this person can lead math, this can person can lead, you know, work with the parents, whatever. But nowadays, because of my arrogance, I guess, I and because of we don't have the same type of candidates that we used to have. My mindset is give me somebody who's committed, works hard, has energy, and is coachable because I can teach them the skills I need. I can teach them to be instructional, I can teach them to work with parents, I can teach them to be relational, I can teach them how to run a PLC, I can teach them these things. And so that was where her and I were having a disconnect because I came up where I taught myself how to traditionally I was a coach and a math teacher, and I was alternative certified. So I was not traditionally trained as a teacher, I had to teach myself. And then as I came up and I wanted to be an administrator, I taught myself how to get better at instruction, how to better evaluate instruction. I started teaching myself special education. I started teaching myself everything I needed to know in order to be successful because I'm super competitive. And so I felt like as a principal, as a leader, I can teach my people that. So what I would say is, is that for me, it's about fit. For me, it's about having the committed, hardworking, energetic, coachable person that I can teach and train to be and give other skill sets. I love that part of my job. But for some other people, they're gonna be looking for specific skill sets. What I would tell you is this if you're the leader, get the people who fit you and then train them and coach them in the skill sets that you need. Don't hire somebody who's hardworking, committed, energetic, and coachable, and then you don't coach them. You're gonna have to know they're gonna come with deficiencies because they're not gonna have all the things that you need. So you have to teach them and coach them those things. So if you're the leader, take those awesome skill sets, those awesome uh characteristics, and then mold them into what you need. That's your job as the leader. If you're the assistant, be those things, but then on top of that, exploit whatever your skill set is. So if you are committed and you work hard and have energy and are coachable, but you are also already strong in instruction. I have an administrator now like that. She's great in instruction, she's got all those other characteristics, then exploit that in the interview process so they can see that you have that side of you. And then as a leader, I'll be able to take you and I'll say, okay, well, I'll train you how to do other things. On the backside, we'll train you how to hire an interview, we'll train you how to uh, excuse me, we'll train you how to coach uh, you know, different uh teachers and students and whatever else. But be the assistant that at least has those four things because if you're hungry and you want it, you're gonna be much more marketable, you're gonna be much more easy to work with, and people will want you for those talents alone. And then the other things you can fill in. But be again, be open and coachable to filling in those gaps because you can't just be energetic, hardworking, and dedicated forever. You've got to be also instructional, you've got to start to round out your game and put all the tools in that toolbox that you possibly can. Now, with that being said, I will tell you this. In my brain, rumbling around in my head, is my wife's voice. Because when I was coming up as an assistant principal, I was hungry. And oftentimes we had this conversation where I'd get a phone call or I'd have to fix a problem at work, as, and my wife would say, Well, what about your partner assistant? Why doesn't she do anything or X, Y, and Z or whatever? And I said, I don't really care. I said, Because I'm I want to move, I want to, I'm getting better, I'm learning, and I'm putting myself in a better position to get the next leadership job, the next principal job, because I was that hungry. So, what I will tell you is this be those things, but please, please, please don't forget your work life balance. And and that's what my wife, if my wife was co hosting me with right now, she would be slapping me on the leg saying, hey, tell them about work life balance, tell them about work life balance. So I'm telling you right now, don't forget the work life balance. Maximize your time, be efficient with your time. If you're if give yourself alarm, set yourself an alarm. I'm trying that my own self. And when you know, in that time frame, if you work eight to six, you know, that's a solid 10 hours, eight to six. You work your tail off those 10 hours, be efficient, be productive, and then go spend time with your family, go spend time at the gym, go spend time with your pets, whatever it is you do. Take care of yourself because you've got to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people. So don't forget that work-life balance. So you're welcome, honey. Thank you for reminding me, always. All right, moving forward. Um, the last thing I want to talk about, and we're getting kind of long, so I don't want to go too deep on this, is you always have to keep growing. Keep growing no matter what. So, the reason I wanted to put this in here, because it that should be common sense. And I know a lot of people are like, well, duh, of course, you've got to keep growing. Here's the thing: the reason I put this on here is this. Oftentimes, our first year as an assistant principal, it's brand new. We're green, right? We're baby assistant principals, or our first year as an assistant coach, or our first year as assistant GM, or our first year as the vice president, or whatever. We get into this organization and all we can do is learn. We're looking around and we're seeing this new world that we're operating in, and we're a leader and we're excitable, and we want to take on every task and every challenge because we want to prove to ourselves and other people we belong there. And through that process, we're gonna learn so much. However, the two mindsets I want you to avoid is this is one is I've arrived. So if you become the assistant coach or the assistant GM and it's taken you a long time, or even if you've gotten there quickly, don't just say, I'm arrived, I'm here, I'm I know everything I need to know because that's how I got here. Because once you do that, you're gonna get passed over, passed by. It's your job's gonna be hard, and you're not gonna be productive, you're not gonna be a very serviceable assistant. The other scenario I want to tell you is this, and I've worked with several of these people. Don't be the assistant principal that's got, you know, varied amount of experience, who thinks they know everything already, or chooses not to be coachable for whatever reason. So I've I've had a couple of different scenarios in my career as a leader, and one is I've worked with a couple of different people who felt like they were ready for my job, or felt like they were ready to be the coach or the or the manager or whatever, and they just felt like they were passed up, or they felt like there was some injustice and that's why they didn't get the job, or they were just feel or they felt like they're just waiting until the job, the next job opens up and they're sure gonna get it. And so what happened was they took that mindset and that attitude into their work and then they ended up not getting any better. And in fact, a lot of times they backslid in their productivity because they weren't working as hard as they would, because they weren't working for the next job anymore. They they thought they already deserved the next job. They were no longer working for the next job. They thought they deserved it, they didn't have the want to anymore because in their mind they've already earned it and they're just waiting for it to be given to them. And so it stunted their growth. Another situation I've worked with too is for whatever reason, I've worked with people who identified their boss as somebody they couldn't work, that they couldn't learn from for whatever reason. It could be gender, race, years of experience. You know, that happens a lot of times with people who are young leaders, is that people that are might be a little bit older than them or have been doing the job a little bit longer than them, they take and devalue their skills and they say, Well, I can't learn from that person. And that person, again, stagnates in their job because they're not growing anymore, because they're not trying to learn from the leader ahead of them. They're not trying to make their boss look good so their productivity has gone down. They think they already earned and deserve the next job, so they don't really have the want to anymore. And so then they lack the commitment, the work hard. So if you can't keep growing or you stagnate because you've decided that you deserve it or you can't learn from that person and you no longer continue to grow, then all those other three areas that we've talked about are gonna fizzle out. So no matter what, keep growing. We should all want to keep growing. And I'm speaking to the choir here because if you're listening to this podcast, chances are you want to keep growing. So even if you don't think you can grow from your boss, try to grow on your own. Independent practice, independent studies, whatever it takes, do that so that you can get better every single day. And so if you continue to grow, you're gonna continue to become a better leader and be more marketable. So, with that being said, if you're the leader, encourage that. Create opportunities for your people to grow. And sometimes, and this is hard for me to say, and this is something I've been working on over my career, sometimes you've got to take your hands off, create opportunities for your assistants, for your people who aren't assistants, and you've got to let them run with some things. You've got to let them be the leader of certain programs or opportunities so that they can grow. And as the leader, I've got to facilitate those opportunities. I cannot stunt them from that. I cannot be in control. Most leaders want to be in control of everything, but you gotta let go, you gotta take your hands off sometimes. So, as a leader, facilitate their growth, give them opportunities of growth, show them the door and the pathway to that growth. And again, if you're an assistant, seek out growth opportunities every chance you can. The more you grow, the better you're gonna be, the more marketable you're gonna be. It's just gonna be better for you in the grand scheme of things. So continue, continue to always grow. All right, guys, that is it. That is it for this episode of Average Joe Leadership, the assistant. We hit on making your boss look good, we hit on working for the next job or having that want to, and then of course be committed, hardworking, and dedicated to that job, but what not, don't forget, work life balance, and then always, always keep growing, guys. Every single day we should be getting better. Uh again, guys. Thank you as always for listening. Always I encourage you to be better than you were yesterday. All right, let's grow, people. Have a good one.