Mindset - To Prove or Improve?

Today's episode takes an initial look at the concept of the growth mindset, specifically exploring the differences between a tendency to 'prove yourself' or 'improve yourself' in whatever aspect of life you are focused on.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Hello and welcome to Small Steps to Wellbeing with me, your host Stephen Davis from Interactive Therapy. To prove or to improve? That is the question I'll be considering over these next few minutes. As today's episode, we will be exploring mindset, a term that's increased in its usage throughout the last decade or more, and is being applied to everything from our approach to education and careers to our endeavours on the sports fields and even in the development of new personal interests or hobbies at home. The focus on mindset touches on one aspect of the nature versus nurture debate that has been ongoing, asking us to question whether talent is purely innate or if it can be developed over time through the use of hard work, curiosity, and even imagination. I certainly know on which side of the argument I stand, as I have seen effort in my own life lead to unexpected developments. I am also aware that my mindset has been a lot less flexible in the past, which has led me to give up on ideas or not even consider engaging in them in the first place. So in this episode, I will be focusing on just a small aspect of mindset which may help you to determine in which areas of your life you may be suffering as a result of a fixed mindset and in which areas you may be thriving due to the benefits of having a growth mindset. These will be framed in terms of a belief that you have to prove yourself versus the practice of improving yourself in the direction that resonates with you. So how may a person behave if they are looking to prove themselves? While each experience is of course unique, there are likely to be certain patterns that emerge. To start with, it is probably apparent to most that if you are looking to prove yourself, whether that be to a boss, a partner, a parent, teacher, or maybe a friend, then this belief will come with a level of pressure. Because what happens if you don't prove yourself? Either to be capable of managing a project, of fulfilling the partner's needs all the time, of being the model child or student, or for being unflinching in your support of that friend. In my perspective, the idea of proving something can be likened to a zero sum game. You either prove it and you win, or you don't prove it and you lose. There's no middle ground. And if we examine words that are similar to prove, then they include verify, confirm, or demonstrate, offering a suggestion that an outcome is already expected. This tendency rarely happens in isolation. If we want to prove something once and achieve the result that suggests success, then this potentially raises the bar for the next situation when proof is required. The more this cycle is repeated, the more likely we are to develop perfectionist standards. So what changes then if the focus goes on to improving yourself? Well, if we consider the standard definition of the word improve, this focuses on the idea of enhancing something, making it better or increasing its value. There's no real reference to an end goal or notion of perfection, but more of an invitation to start from the point in which you currently find yourself and move forward. And while improvement can be carried out individually, there's nothing in its definition to suggest that the path is only to be taken by each individual on their own. We can improve by researching available knowledge, asking questions, or taking lessons from those who have taken the same path but maybe a little further in their journey. To quote Carol Dweck in her influential book Mindset, why waste time proving over and over again how great you are when you could be getting better? The small step for today then is pretty lightly self-evident based on what I've already said, but here it goes. I would like you to reflect on experiences that have happened or may be currently ongoing in your life and consider whether you are trying to prove or improve yourself. Write down or ask yourself how each approach impacts your general well-being and mood, and if a change is needed, what you could do to switch your focus on improving. To add to this exercise, I'd also like you to consider situations in which a change in this paradigm has already occurred. You may have started off trying to improve and then found yourself needing to prove, or vice versa. If you can identify such a situation in your life, then consider the following What thoughts or behaviors have moved me from one state to another? And what triggers a desire to prove or an enthusiasm to improve? Good luck with the exercise and see you in the next episode.