Episode 12 - Sic Vicious

Segment 1:

In this segment, Cody and Mariah share personal stories, reflect on life, aging, sobriety, and societal issues, offering insights and humor. They discuss their weekly routines, upcoming plans, and deep dive into self-acceptance and growth.

keywords
self-acceptance, aging, sobriety, personal growth, mental health, life reflections, podcast discussion

Segment 2:

Join us as we explore the incredible journey of Sic Vicious., from childhood on a native reservation to a multi-faceted career in music, wrestling, and podcasting. Discover powerful stories of resilience, friendship, and the importance of chasing your dreams regardless of obstacles.

Follow Sick Vicious: 

IG: @fishing.in.the.pnw

youtube: https://youtube.com/@sicviciousofficial3133?si=Y-b0SS7SA21KwD4K

keywords
motivation, resilience, friendship, music, wrestling, podcasting, mental health, life stories, personal growth

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:18

You are listening to the Liquid Shape Podcast with your host, Cody Peret.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast with Cody Perez.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

And Mariah Longfellow.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Oh, yeah. And it is Saturday night. We are recording this a little late because, you know, your boy was a little lazy. Y'all was out early last night.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

The least lazy person. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Yeah, but I was out early. Like I was Friday night. Who the fuck goes to sleep at the time that I went to?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

We went to bed. Well, I didn't go to bed, but we went to bed at like 9 30 because you were already half past out on the s uh couch watching that Clint Eastwood movie I like.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Oh yeah. Uh Gran Torino. I fucking love that movie. That's a good movie. That's gonna be me when I'm older, I swear. Just a grumpy ass old man. And uh not that I'll be spewing uh racist racist shit. I will probably be seeing you know what? I'll probably be saying things that are not PC because you know, fucking 40 years from now, when I'm that age, uh the things that I grew up being okay with saying or doing or whatnot are not gonna be acceptable, I'm sure, like in 40 years. Yeah, and I won't change my ways because I am a stubborn asshole like that. I can see myself being like Clint Eastwood on that movie where he's just angry and just a straight up I do it, I'll do it myself and fucking whatever. Like I love that movie. I don't know. It's a good movie, and it's hilarious. Did you finish watching it?

SPEAKER_00 1:47

No, because we went upstairs, but I didn't put it on.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

You made that sound sexual.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

I was up at 4 30 and I was already like fucking running around and getting my steps in and my miles in and all that shit.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

So The funny thing with you is you get up like on Saturdays, especially. It's like you're obviously up and doing your thing, running around. And so like I typically get up between like seven and eight. So I'm just like sitting on the couch, enjoying my coffee, playing on my phone, loving on the boys, whatever. Cody comes in and he's little, hey, hey, hey, hey, a million miles a minute, and then he's after a few minutes, he's like, Are you okay? You seem off today. I'm like, I am just not on earth. I'm still enjoying my first cup of coffee.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

By that point, I've already had my coffee. I might have drank some green tea.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Oh my gosh, it cracks me up. You seem off today. I've literally only been up 20 minutes. I'm not alive yet.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

What's funny is I think the only people I have conversations with early in the morning are the band. So usually Brick will be up and Pito. Pito for sure is up by that time already. Justin sometimes. Not on the weekends. Justin's a fucking sleep-in guy, so I think at least. And he doesn't he ignores us, I think, until like 10.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Well, I don't know that I blame him.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

Usually by that time, I've already like gotten pissed off at somebody online or something, fucking went off on somebody, talked band business with the guys in the band. Uh I'm thinking about what I'm gonna post for the day because I have to consistently post because I'm so fucking like I have to keep up with algorithms and gotta butt fuck the algorithm. Wow. If that's how you go.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Or I guess the algor algorithm buttfucks you.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Sure. Well, uh how was your week? How did it go? What what big things did you do? What uh how was the last week since we last were on the podcast? Because I think we were on the podcast last Friday, so uh things have been good.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

I mean, my world's never really as hectic as yours. I did buy my ticket to Catarada to see my best friend Amanda this summer, and we're gonna see Dirty Head uh Dirty Heads at Red Rocks. That's gonna be fun. So that's I'm stoked. I love Red Rocks. I love Colorado. And Dirty Heads and Deftones are like my two favorite bands, so I am stoked. The DD. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Dirty Heads are fucking awesome. I love Dirty Heads. I think they're fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

And they got their new album coming out.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

They don't have one bad song. That's the cool thing about them.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

All their songs are bangers.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

It's it's all good stuff. So uh they put on a great live show, and any chance that they come into town, I highly recommend go.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I think they're gonna be at the reggae rise up in Red Redmond this year, I think.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

The reason I think we weren't gonna go was because one's in the singer or something, not the singer.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

No, he's there, Jared. He's back. He's in it.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

We might we might have to go there.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

I don't know. Well, no, it's it's because of that. It's hard where it's at. Like the the the place where it's at, I can't think of what it's called right now clock. I can't fucking think of what it's called. But the place that it's at is really cool because you can like camp and stuff, but unless you're camping, it's kind of a bitch to get in and out. I don't know if it will be for dirty heads, but when we went to the country fest, it was remember it was a shit show, we lost cell service because there was just so many people in that area. Luckily we were camping there, so it really but I'm saying is like it kind of sucks unless you're camping to get in and out typically.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

I don't know about dirty heads, but I don't know if that reggae rise up will be that busy though. Like that was a country fest and it brought people from my. What time is it? It's 8 35.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

We got the boys here. The boys got their summer cuts.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Oh, yeah, the boys got their cuts. They're here right by the microphone, and Taz is like super smiley right now. He loves being in this room. I don't know what it is. He's a star, but he's right by the microphone, he's just like all breathing heavy and smiling. But yeah, the boys, we grew their hair out. We started growing it out, what, in August or September?

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Yeah, I think August.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

We wanted to see how long Taz and Lorendo's hair would get. And I mean, that it really didn't get as long as I I've seen the peek-a poos can get their hair.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Well, I think it's because so peek peek-a poos are pe for people who don't know, are peekinies poodles. So with that breed, obviously they can look more peekinies like our boys do, or they can look more poodle.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

They got the poodle attitude for sure, and the smarts.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah, so I don't I think if they were true peekinies, like just a thorough all the way through and through peekinies, I think their hair would get a lot longer and bushier because they can get really fluffy too.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

He's so smiley right now. I wish you guys I have a camera now. I can start video videoing us and our podcasts and whatnot. I wish you guys could see his smile right now. It is amazing. Like it's chewing on it. It lights my day up when I see him smile like that. And Lorenzo too. Lorenzo smiles a lot less. He's more like got the loving face and eyes.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

He's a loving Lorenzo.

SPEAKER_03 6:41

Loving Lorenzo, and Taz just lights up the room because he's like, he's so chaotic, he's aggressive, he's alpha dog, but at the same time, he's like like like smiley and good energy. Like if the whole world could have the energy and the vibe that Taz has, dude, it would be a great place to live, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

He puts a smile on my face because he's just such a happy, go-lucky dog. So today, Mariah gave them an amazing haircut, and uh they look cute as hell. They look like they got their little summer cuts ready for summer, and we took them on a dog walk, and uh, they were all excited about that, obviously, because they love going on their park walk that we take them to. They bark at the ducks, they bark at people, they get attention from people, bark at kids, bark at kids.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

I mean, who does?

SPEAKER_03 7:23

There's only one cool kid, and that's uh my nephew Xander.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yeah, yeah, I got we got friends that have cool kids.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

Cool kid, yeah, I guess that's true.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

And then I got a new office chair. It's one of those ones that have like the little pull-out thing so you can like sit.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Oh, yeah, you got a pink chair.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Cross legal. Yeah. That you got me a KitchenAid mixer since my mixer, my cheap one from Amazon broke, so you got me the the good Oh yeah, we got you the good quality when I said pick out last weekend when I was busy out running errands.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

I was like, pick out your damn KitchenAid that you want now. I don't care what it is, just g what give you the best one. She sends me a link and she wanted a pink one, which I was like, oh god, pink. Alright, whatever, it's yours. Amazon has the fucking colors all jacked up on there, so Amazon, you need to fix your shit, dude, because it's not correct. So we went with what we thought was going to be pink, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Feather pink.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Feather pink, and we ended up getting like a white, which is fine.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

I'm glad it's actually white.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

It fits. It well, it works well, it looks great, and then when we have to go sell it, if we end up selling it because you want to upgrade or whatever, it's more likely that someone will buy it versus if it's just pink when you're limited. I think pink's an extreme color.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Well, I am extreme. I'm Mariah.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yeah. I like to what do you have planned to make for me with that kitchen aid? Because that's what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

I need to look up some bread recipes tonight. Well, I mean, tonight I made the dough for the pizzas, so that was fun. I like making the dough.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Working with yeast, watching the dough rise.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

We made a two killer pizzas tonight. We made a margarita pizza with just fresh mozzarella and a homemade sauce that I made, pizza sauce that I make. And then we made a secondary one that was pepperoni and black olive, which is so good. So good. Our pizzas are really fucking awesome. I'm not just saying that, but they really are, uh, because we always make our own sauce from scratch. And well, you make the sauce.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I make the sauce.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

And you do the dough and you roll it out, roll it out awesome. I made tortillas earlier, homemade tortillas. I've been doing that lately.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

They're so good.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

Yeah, so fucking my grandma used to make them when I was a kid, and you know, I got used to eating the store brand for a while there, but looking at all the uh ingredients that they have in all these, it's disgusting. Like I'm reading labels a lot more now, and I've been talking about this on Facebook, but am I gonna eat the healthiest and the cleanest in the goddamn world and avoid all the toxins that are everywhere? Hell no. That that's never gonna happen, unfortunately. This country's okay with feeding us little pieces of poison and garbage because it's in small amounts, it's safe to consume, right? That's what that's how they get away with it. But nowadays, when I can, I am avoiding eating bad food. So I look at the labels, and if it has anything that's a fake sugar or a lot of sugar or uh high fructose syrup, it has seed oils, canola oil, anything like that. I'm looking out for that aspartame. I am not consuming that by any means. I don't do sugar-free crap. I'd rather, if I'm gonna eat something or drink something that has sugar in it, give me the plain old fucking refined sugar. I'll take that over the aspartame and fucking over the nasty ass aspartame. But even the sugar stuff, I'm not doing it. I've been drinking, I've been free from Red Bulls and soda pops for over a year. I hit a year in February, so good on me on that. I drink a lot of green tea, just regular old, unsweetened green tea. Drink that daily. And I drink coffee, obviously, and I drink water. And I drink plain old club soda. And I like to have club soda with like a lime and uh cucumber or mint, whatever, and then a little bit of jalapeno, jalapeno juice. So I am really watching what I'm eating and what I'm drinking, and just this last week that I've been really paying attention and not doing the anti-inflammatory things now that I'm adding to my my routines of what I'm eating and and whatnot, I feel so fucking good. I look good, like you can tell my skin, my face, how I feel. Like I don't feel like I'm trapped in my skin. Like it's just I'm feeling much better, and I'm thankful for that. And uh man, I've been making changes a lot in my life, like so much. It is good, it's good, it's great, and I love that, but I've been making so many changes, and I'm not done yet, man. The best is yet to come. I'm gonna I'm gonna go into my 40s here coming in May soon and uh I'm gonna put my best foot forward.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Yeah. Well, I mean that is pretty much Oh Chuck Norris died. Was that yesterday?

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Yeah, Chuck Norris died, unfortunately. Rest in peace, Chuck Norris. Uh remember Texas chain or Texas chains. Texas Walker Ranger would come on uh the USA station when I was a kid after watching wrestling. Um Yeah, it was part of my childhood.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Six. I'm like goodness.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

I think we were talking about this. I would be okay if I made it to eighty. I think if I made it to eighty, I I know I say that now when I get to eighty, I'll be like, oh, please give me another ten years. But I think if I made it to eighty, I it it I'd call it a good day.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

And anything after that is just kind of a well, I feel like after that everything's kind of like all your friends are usually probably dead, right? Your significant other may or may not be. So it just gets lonelier and lonelier like the longer you exist.

SPEAKER_03 12:13

Oh, that's scary to think about. Like you'd be an old man, you're being gone.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, and whether you have kids and grandkids and all that stuff, I mean, the older you get, I mean, I don't mean this meanly, but I would assume a lot of families don't want to be like around like someone super, super old like all the time, because it's kind of a lot of work. It can be. I don't it just depends, I guess, on how there they are.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Well, the Mexican families, uh the way we are, is we are very close. We take care of our own. We don't put them in homes, we take them in and we love them till the very end. So on my side of things here, that's hopefully how it's gonna be for me when I get old. But who knows, man, with everything that's going on in the world right now, we might not even live to see tomorrow. Who knows? Like, it's scary. We are living in scary times right now and very uncertain times.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Let's all hug one another. Yeah, I I just think that anger and hate is just it's too much.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

We got to, we gotta well, here's the thing there's the left and there's the right, the blue, the red, whatever. If people would just stop looking at those colors and just start thinking like rationally about what's going on around the world and the people that we are allowing, allowing these people to run our lives and the lives of our kids and the future of our kids and what's gonna impact them. Yeah, we can take over. We are the people. We can there's a lot more of us than there are of them. They should be scared of us instead of us being scared of them. And there's gonna be a revolution, man. I'm telling you right now, it's gonna happen. At some point, people are just gonna be fed up. And uh I I hope to God, I hope to God I get to see that day because I want to see all these criminals and all these crooked politicians and these shitty ass entertainers. I want to see them meet their fucking their fate, man. Oh, it just disgusts me all the shit that they've gotten away with and what they can do and the corruption and all that stuff. It makes me fucking mad on both sides. Anyone out there that's defends the blue or defends the red, you're a fucking idiot. Sorry, but you are uh if you can't see through the bullshit by now. If you can't tell that you've been lied to every time your party is in there, what you want doesn't happen. What they promise you doesn't happen. So fuck off with your goddamn one-sided mind thinking.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Well, it's the billionaires. The billionaires control us.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Eat the rich.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

That said, uh, we're getting ready for Reno, American Overdose. Um, next week, we are going to be next weekend, uh, the 28th, we are playing in Reno at Infernofest with a bunch of bands, including the headliner, which is Drowning Pool. Yeah. Let the bodies hit the flow. Let the bodies hit the flow. Maybe they'll let me go on stage again with them. Last time they were in Portland, Sal well, Sal from Il Nino is he recognized me out in the crowd, and that this is back when I was drinking. We took shots at the bar and he tells me, We're gonna go on stage when Johnny Pool's on, you're gonna come out there and you're gonna sing with us. And there's footage of it that I've shared. But I got to go on stage and sing bodies with him, which was fucking awesome. That was a blast. You were in the crowd, right? And you guys videotaped it. Well, you never know. Maybe I'll get up on there if they've if they invite me, I'd I'd love to do it. That'd be fun. Uh Johnny Pull's badass. I got to see them when they had Dave Williams in the band still back in 2001. Fucking killer show, and uh that sinner album is fucking awesome. So I still I still blast that from time to time. And I have the DVD even. So that's how old school I man, I'm fucking old school. I am fucking old. Yeah, I'm an older soul. I think I'm an older soul than you. Why? I got a lot more gray hair.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Uh you just can't see mine because my hair dress uh my hairstylist sprinkles my blonde just right, so they blend. So if I didn't my natural hair is like a level three, so I'm almost black. So it would stick out.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

It looks good though. Like you're you keep you upkeep it really well. So next week's gonna be interesting because we're driving down there. We're we're renting a van. Uh it's gonna be me, it's gonna be me and the guys, obviously, Rommel, uh B and Brick and Brassy, and Pito is meeting us down there. So Pito's gonna be us down there with Hope and Xander, and I think Hope's family's gonna be down there. So we'll be meeting down there. I got us a hotel that we're gonna be staying at uh a couple hours away from the venue. Uh so that way when we can get there a little bit earlier, we're not driving the straight, whatever, eight, nine hours it takes to get down there. Yeah. So we're driving seven hours instead to get to the hotel, crashing out there. The next day, we're gonna probably get to sleep in. They do free breakfast, they do fucking they have a swimming pool.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

No, it's longer than that to get to Reno.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

It's about eight hours, eight and a half.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

From here?

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Yeah, from Salem. We we timed it, trust me. Anyways, so I'm looking forward to it because it's always fun bonding with the band and we do stupid pranks on each other and just we have stupid laughs. Like I swear to God, like we should do a podcast where it's just us recording everything that's being said and done on the road while we're driving down there. But I feel like for sure we would be canceled. There's no way that people would be okay with some of the conversations that we're talking about. We would piss off everybody and their mothers and their fathers and their everybody. We talk a lot of shit. You should be pissed. I'm kidding. Some of the shit we talk about. Um, but yeah, I'm excited for that. It's gonna be good band bonding time and a live show. And it's gonna be fun, man. I'm just I'm excited.

SPEAKER_04 17:14

Excited for you guys.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Excited. And then when we come back, uh focus is gonna be on shooting in next the next music video and releasing um the next music video. Releasing the next music video, but also shooting the next one after that. That we're always trying to be ahead of the game and ahead of the curb.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

So then we're gonna do some hopefully backyard fun stuff.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

We are I forgot about that. So we are getting finally fully the backyard is going to be leveled out for many, many years. I've been talking about this project and getting it done. Finally, I had my landscaper guy come out to give us a quote to see what it's gonna cost to get it at least level, and then Mariah and I are probably gonna do I have a plan.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

I have a vision.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

She has a vision, so we're gonna do what her project vision is. Uh we just need someone that is an expert at getting it leveled.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Yeah, I don't want to mess with that because then uh my worry is what ensuring that there's still enough of a incline or whatever so that the water goes away from the house.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Decline.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Decline, yeah, that's what I meant. This is what happens when you get me at 8:30 at night.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Yeah. So for those that are not aware, our backyard has always had a big, huge hill-like slant. So we've never been able to like just set a chair out there. I've actually had a lot of friends. Had a lot of friends when they sit on chairs back there, like they lopsided fall over and whatnot, including myself, especially when we'd have parties here and people were drinking here. Yeah. So I've had uh more than a handful of friends fall back in the chairs.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Well, hopefully that'll be an issue after this year.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

My hit uh two years, two and a half years of sobriety on the 17th. Good job, babe. That was exciting. Um, I'll be excited when I hit three years because that's just man, it's crazy to think about three years of not drinking. When that was surrounded, that surrounded my life. My life was literally just partying, drinking. Everything I did was around drinking. And I lately I've been listening to a lot of uh sobriety podcasts. It's interesting. I think I told you this, but just listening to other people's stories and what they had told me on theirs, like what not told me, sorry, what I've learned from hearing these is that everyone's story is so different. Everyone's um addictions are very different. Some people drink every single day, like, and that's how they get by. I wasn't one of those people that drank every single day. I just I would drink frequently, and then on the weekends for sure I'd be drinking, and I'd take it to another level on certain nights and certain times. And that was just that that part right there obviously was was bad. But hearing that there's other people that are were the same way too, I'm like, oh, okay, well, I guess I wasn't the only one like that.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

So Yeah, no, that's why I'm like, I think people don't realize like it can be problematic in many different ways. Cause yeah, like you said, with you, you didn't like wake up and have to drink and have the shakes or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

But I didn't get arrested, I didn't get uh domestic problems like that, like fighting, fist fighting or anything like that, um, losing my jobs or anything like that. So that's another thing that I heard on the on the podcast, on those podcasts, these brighty podcasts, is where people were like, I didn't think I had a problem because normally people that have problems they get arrested, they have DUIs, they're in domestic disputes. I'm like, No, they're not. But then he they even realize they acknowledge that.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Like, not that you were a function alcoholic, but people that do do that stuff, they're functioning alcoholics, like they know how to work around it.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

Yep. So that's what scares me is that there's so much there's so many people out there that I know that drink and smoke and all that, they don't think they have a problem because of this. And until they start looking into it a little bit more or they start questioning themselves. Here's one thing that I that I heard on the podcast that made me rarely think, and I'd like to say this to anyone out there that is questioning if they are an alcoholic or if they have a problem or whatever, is that people always measure themselves to the extreme. So they look at their drinking and then they think of their most extreme case of someone that they know that has hit rock bottom and they compare themselves to that. So they say, Well, I don't have a bottom because I don't get that. But what they don't do, and what you should be doing, is compare yourself to somebody that does not drink. And how do you look when you measure yourself to someone that doesn't drink or that someone that drinks once in a blue moon? At that point, that changes everything, and it makes you really think, like, okay, maybe I really need to cut back. So I don't know. It's it I'm loving listening to these podcasts because it's it's giving me a lot of influence for topics to write about on the next album that I'm already in the process of writing lyrics for and working on stuff for. And it inspires me every day to stay sober because it's like, okay, I yeah, I don't want to get to that point. I don't want to get to that point. I never hit that point. Oh yeah, I related to that. Like it just makes me feel without having to go to like 'cause I never wanted to be one of those people that went not to judge, I'm not judging anybody, but I never wanted to be one that had to go to meetings or anything like that and just have it take a part of my life like that. It's not something I want to do.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Well, and like when you were ready to stop, you were ready to stop. So you can still be around it. To a point. Well, I can be around it all night. No, I mean to a point before it's just obnoxious. You're like, I don't want to be around a bunch of drunk fucks all night, but you can be around it. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Yeah, that's one thing I've learned is that I don't like being around people that that's all they do. When if you if you're always just drinking and that's all you do, and then you get to the point of being blacked out or drunk to the point I when I'm hanging around people that are drinking, usually I can tell when they're about to get to that level of not remembering the conversations or to a level that is like is just drunk. I'm like, all right, I'm out. Because I had so many meaningless conversations with people over the years, both when I was drinking and they were drinking. And those are not real friendships, those are not real moments. And that you no one remembers the next day, and it's like, fuck that. Like it those were meaningless conversations. Nowadays, like I like to have real serious conversations that I remember that I can learn from someone or get to know somebody. Uh you know, that that that means more to me than hanging around people that are just always wasted and on shit. And that just that does not appeal to me at all. It's a turnoff.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Same. I just want to wake up, drink my coffee, go sit outside in the sun, look at some flowers in my backyard.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

I enjoy I enjoy very different things now than I did for sure. Like five years, if you compare me to five years ago, completely 180, like it's not even the same person. But all right. Well, now that we've gotten some things out of the way, we got Tasmanian over here breathing all heavy and whatnot. My guest this week is someone by the name of Sick Vicious, and I'm excited for that podcast for you guys to check it out. I don't really know him that well. I met him online. He was actually a friend of one of my one of my earlier guests, Nothead, and that's how he found out about the podcast. So we had a great conversation that you guys can check out on segment two, and um looking forward to that. But for now, we're gonna continue on with the next part of our segment, which is the question of the week. Now, this week we didn't get very many responses, and that to me, I don't know if people didn't see it, or maybe the question was not something they wanted to talk about, or what I thought the question was very good, but it also I think it leaves room for people to be vulnerable or people don't like to sometimes like second guess themselves or think that something might be like needs improvement. So I think maybe that that might have something to do with it, who knows? But um, I'll go ahead and pull up the question of the week, or do you want to read it? I'll let you read it since I wrote it.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

So, question of the week. What part of yourself are you still learning to accept and why is it so difficult? Follow-up questions to consider. When did you first realize this was something you struggled with? Do you think this part of you came from experience, environment, or something you were born with? What's the hardest moment you've had dealing with it? Are you trying to change this part of yourself or accept it as it is? Do you think acceptance means settling or does it mean growth? What's one step you've taken or could take toward acceptance?

SPEAKER_03 24:51

Right. I'll let you read the comments too, because there's not that many.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Is it only just Facebook? Yep. Okay. So the first one is from our friend uh Stevilhelmer. They say it's so hard to be humble because I'm perfect in every way. It's a Mac Davis song, you youngster. Ha ha. Uh, and then he says, in all seriousness, it's hard for me to accept I'm about to turn 60 years old in April. I can't grasp the word retirement. I was born to rock. Fuck yeah. 55 years of playing guitar, I cannot imagine quitting.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

And you shouldn't quit, Stevil. I think you should keep going, man. If you still have that drive, you still have that energy, man. That's what it's all about. But I can totally relate to what he's saying there. It's hard to believe when we get to a certain age. Like after I turned 21, I don't think I cared to be like any older than that. I just wanted to be 21 to be able to have like the quote unquote freedom that I felt like I need to have at that point.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

But now for the ultimate adult, but that point.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Well, you couldn't rent a vehicle, I don't think. No, that age. Yeah, I think that's it. And your insurance goes down. But um, it's hard now to think about that I'm gonna be 40 because I don't feel 40. Like I feel like I seriously feel like I have a new lease on life because of just all the changes I've been making and um just changing my mindset and how I live and and all that, which is good. Uh, but it's hard to for me to accept the fact that I'm 40, because I don't feel like 40 is that old. But when I was younger, I remember thinking, oh god, 40? I don't will I ever make it to 40? It's a it's a it's a crazy thing to think about. So I hear you there, Stevil, and you're only as old as you feel, you know. So keep rocking and keep playing the guitar.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

No, absolutely. I mean, and I can relate. I mean, uh, I'm 41. I'm like, who let that happen? I still half the time I'm like sitting in my fucking stupid well, I mean, I'm thankful for my job, but my corporate job sitting here being a big kid, and I'm like, who allowed this to happen? I swear to God, I'm still 19, like in my head, like just thinking about clothes and tanning and who I was gonna hang out with this weekend with like the group. Are we gonna do a are we gonna do like a bonfire? Like, what's up? And here I am terminating people or assisting managers and how to have crucial conversations or performance management. And I'm like, who is this person?

SPEAKER_03 27:06

Yeah, it's it's wild. I think millennials, I think the future's gonna be looking very different for elderly. Imagine when we're like 50 and 60 years old, millennials are gonna be like blasting Dr. Dre and shit like that. Like that's weird to think and tattooed and my old ass in a retirement home, you betcha.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

I'll have ice cube blaring.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

It's wild to think that. Like it's just growing up west side. It's gonna be very different, but that's gonna be considered oldies like music.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

So the throwbacks, the vintage, yeah, the classics. You gonna read the other one?

SPEAKER_03 27:34

No, you're reading all of them.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Oh, I'm reading all of them. Okay, well. Uh Jerry Johnson says, The fact I'm not 21 anymore, my brain keeps going, and my body says, fuck that. I need more sleep. Um, and then Cody replied, I can re I can relate to that. Then Jerry says, at Rockfest, you guys have to hang out with me. Uh you have to hang out with hybrid theory. Johnny is an old friend of mine, you guys would get along. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

So I it looks like Jerry can relate to Jerry can relate to Stevil on that. And like I said, it is hard to believe that we're at the age that we are, but it's all because I think that we just feel uh a lot younger. And that's okay. That's what really what it matters. Is how do you feel? Like, are you taking care of your body? Do you have that energy that driving you? Um, you know, like that I think what happens though is that once you start getting comfortable and once you start relaxing and getting lazy and not getting up and doing things and not being active, that's when you're gonna start feeling your age. So you don't want to do that. I've seen that happen with loved ones, and it's not a good thing because I just remember seeing my grandma, you know, even in her 70s, she's walking miles, dude. She was doing yard work, cleaning the house and doing cooking for us and cooking for family, and like she just was up and down, up and down, up and down everywhere, dude, just taking care of business. And it wasn't until she started, like, we told her to relax, she needs to sit down and calm down and let things be done for her for once. That's when she started going downhill, unfortunately. And I just feel like myself personally, I don't know if I'll ever retire. Like, I just I have so much things that I always have on my mind that I want to do and I have to get done and all this. And it's like go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. So, like, even right now, like we gotta get this podcast doing. I got some, I got a food that I'm cooking right now for tomorrow's gathering that we have with the family that I'm making uh dinner for. I'm always go, go, go. Always constantly.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

And I think that's probably why I like why that's why I always laugh. Like, whenever Cody's like, Oh, I've been a lazy piece of shit. And I'm like, if that's what you call a lazy piece of shit, what the fuck am I?

SPEAKER_03 29:32

I think it's because I feel like I just I I haven't done everything I want to do.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

How many steps do you have in today?

SPEAKER_03 29:37

Uh well over 20,000. Yeah, I probably have like I haven't checked my I don't have my watch on me, so it's it's even more than that. But uh if I was to look on here before I update it with my watch, oh 21,000, so it's even more. I probably have like 25,000.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

It's wild.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

But good for you.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

I keep moving, girl. I keep moving.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

All right.

SPEAKER_03 29:54

Uh all right.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Our next one is from our friend Kiris Emberborn. They say I'm I'm not still learning to accept it, but the hardest thing for me to accept was being a highly sensitive and empathetic person. My metal roots and love for the macabre lean me into the more raw and often negative emotions, and for a long time I wanted to embody the badass mother f fudge cake I envisioned that I look like. I first discovered this during a mushroom trip while watching the movie Enter the Void. After watching that while tripping balls, I determined that I am a cancer on the lives of those around me and started planning how to kill myself. This was around the time I was reading the Conversations with God book I mentioned earlier. That book that book brought more balanced and grounded awareness to my light and dark spots. Being highly sensitive was a combination of nature and nurture. Trauma and abuse required some skill learning to survive. That just happened to be innate for me. Empathizing with anyone, relationships have been the hardest moments to deal with, all of them. Not only am I highly sensitive and empathetic, but for the longest time I believed I was unworthy of loved and was eager to earn that through codependency. After years of therapy and getting close to two decades of walking towards self-love and balance, I've realized that the thing to change was who I allow in my life, and that feeling of worth worthiness will stick if I provide it from within. Rather than seeking external validation. In my case, it was weeding through a bunch of little choices and unconscious behaviors that need sorting out, needed sorting out of accept, toss, and grow through. The one step that will be common underneath every response you get on this question of the week will be play on. I got tired of the way things were and decided to look within. No one changes until their current life becomes so uncomfortable that the change is the only option. Cody and Mariah, thank you for including me every week. I don't have people in my life that want to talk about this deep stuff, so this scratches an itch for me and feels a bit like s like a support group. Thank you again for spending your time doing this. You're so sweet, Kiris. We love hearing from you. I think no, this is a good thing. I love it too.

SPEAKER_03 32:09

That means a lot to me that Kirce always responds and says really intelligent and basically spilling exactly how they feel. Like I love that.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

That's yeah, that's no, we appreciate you so much. And I mean, we're we're we're just two kooky motherfuckers over here. We've both all three of us have had sounds like some crazy life experiences, and everybody else that comments too. So again, that's what I love about this podcast is that we can come together and just be human and talk about life shit. No one's any better than the other. I mean, we all go through stuff. How do we overcome it and move forward and be the best us we can be?

SPEAKER_03 32:42

Yeah, and I can relate to like where you're you get to a point where on like was said right here, where you the only option is to change. So for me, I for so long, and that this is part of what I'm gonna be sharing out for my response to the question of the week, is that I can be so stubborn that I feel like, oh, okay, it didn't work. Okay, I'm gonna try it again, but I'm gonna try it this way, I'm gonna adjust this, I'm gonna adjust that. And I and so like I'll keep doing the same thing over and over and over and over again with making maybe some small changes here and there, but it isn't until like I hit to a point where I'm like, all right, I've tried it every which way that I thought I could do it, but I haven't really changed the the an ultimate ultimate change that needs to happen in order to make to feel that to make it make an impact. And I think that's what it gets like, especially for people that are dealing with trauma or dealing with addiction or dealing with abuse and that kind of stuff, it's like you you hit a point where you just know that there is nothing else you can do other than make a dramatic change. And it's so worth it. It's very hard at first because it's it's something where you know that uh it's you're not going to, it's things are never going to be the same. And I don't know if it's something subconsciously that we're telling ourselves, like, what if I don't have this person or this situation anymore after this decision that I make? Or what if I lose friends or family over this? Or what if, what if, what if, what if you don't know that it's the unknown that scares us. But what you have to ask yourself is, what if I don't change? And what if I don't make this change? Like, where am I going to end up? Think about the worst case scenario that can happen if you continue down this path that you know eventually is going to be a dead end road. One of those things that does make me reflect a lot on decisions I've made and sometimes even things that I have to decide in the future of what I want to be a part of or involved of anymore. Question again was what part of yourself are you still learning to accept and why is it so difficult? So, like I was just mentioning right now, for me, I am very stubborn. And I always used to say, no, I'm not, no, I'm not, no, I'm not. Yes, I am. I really am. I've had to accept that. And it's not only something I accept, but it's also something I'm working on changing. I always feel like I'm one of those people that I can learn from experience, but I can also try to learn from somebody else doing it. And that that can be a good thing, it can be a bad thing, because sometimes I watch someone else do something and they fail, or it ends up not turning out to be good, or something happens, I'm like, oh yeah, I definitely don't want to do it. And then I go back to that person that that did it that way or did this or made that decision or what, whatnot, and how it didn't work. So I don't give it a shot. But then there's that side of me too that comes out where it's like, okay, well, it didn't work out for them, and then I list out every reason why I think it didn't work out for them, and then I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna do that, and I'm not gonna do any of these things that this person did because I already know that it won't fail, or that that I'll fail if I do that. So it's kind of a double-edged sword because I'm one of those guys that will I'll talk myself into doing something, and then I get stubborn. When I get stuck on something, I'm like, I'm I'm to the point where I'm like, all right, it's gonna be do or die, and I don't care if I keep failing, I'm gonna keep trying, keep trying, keep trying. I think that's what drives me with the band is that there is a lot of setbacks. When you're when you're a musician, when you're uh going for something that it's for the most part a hobby for a lot of people, but for me, it's like uh it's a lifestyle, it's a commitment, it's what I live for and what my passion is. I don't give up. But there's a lot of things that people don't realize that come in your way. There's financial things, there is commitment from people like that you're working with, whether that you be your band members, people that you're working with, that you're hiring, that you know, they they screw you over, they steal from you, or things are not being done right, to be promoters, it could be booking agents, it could be PR people, it could be it could be a number of people that you're doing business with that just get in the way and they're roadblocks. And then, you know, you lose some money, sure, that's fine. But you also get set back on some of those cases where, you know, now instead of being, you know, 20 steps ahead, that one roadblock just sets you back. You know, now you're now you're an additional 10 steps back from where you were originally. So stubbornness for sure is something that I am very well aware of and I've accepted the fact that I am. So I have to many times stop myself when I'm trying to do something and I have to think, okay, is it just me being stubborn? I have to get rational and I have to think about really what's going on and think of the outcomes and the possible options that are available. Have I done it this way? Have I tried it this way? What not? So that's that's one thing I am for sure aware of, and I am, like I said, working on it. Do you think this part of you came from experience, environment, or something you were born with? I think stubbornness was just me being born with it. Both my mom and my dad, very, very stubborn people. So maybe I was born with it, maybe I even from when I was a little kid, I just saw it and it's something that I adapted. And I think my brother, Pito, is exactly the same way. He's very, very stubborn. So that answers that. What's the hardest moment you've had dealing with it? I think it's been relationships that I've I've kept pushing for, whether that be friendships or romantic relationships, I don't give up very easily. I feel like I push, push, push, push, push. And that's why when I go when I talk about like I can't break up with people, I don't, I don't like hurting people and whatnot. I think that's why relationships have dragged out to the point where it just gets to a chaotic, chaotic mess. And so that that that would be the example for that. Are you trying to change this part of yourself or accept it as it is? I am trying to change it. I'm trying to uh both but both, yeah. I have to accept it that I am like that, but also work on it and being self-aware. I think being self-aware of things that you just can't change right away or that you can't that just is up who you are. Being self-aware and working to be better about it is huge. So for anything that you do, I think uh that's important. And then do you think acceptance means settling, or does it mean growth? It means growth because, like I said right now, you're I I'm aware of it, whereas before I wasn't aware of it. I was just like, oh no, no, no, it's gotta be this way, it's gotta be this way. Well, why? Because I said, or because of this, or because of that. But I'm aware now that I'm stubborn, and uh the fact that I'm aware of it shows growth from where I was before. And the fact that I'm working on not letting myself get stuck in that stubborn state is is uh a sign of growth. So what's one step you've taken or could take toward acceptance? Well, for this, I think you've got to kind of reflect on moments where you've been called out. I've been called out when I've been stubborn, and then you gotta reflect and don't get defensive. So part of accepting is consider the information that you're getting, consider the source for one, obviously, but consider the information that you're getting and being open to think about it from somebody else's perspective or the person that's telling you. Like if you're having problems with someone and they're just saying, well, you're just too stubborn, you don't want to change, you don't want to this or that. Like take a step back from yourself, look and see if this was being done to you, how would you feel or how would that look to you? Like so, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

So for me, what part of yourself are you still learning to accept and why is it so difficult? I think for me, I mean there's many things, but the one thing that really sticks out is that I'm a very guarded person in the sense of like I put walls up and I push people away and I can drop people in the drop of a hat and not even blink twice about it. So that can be shitty. When did I realize this was something I struggled with? I think honestly, I've always kind of realized it. I don't know, maybe it's my personality, I'm not sure. Maybe it's an Aquarius, who knows? But I think especially after everything with my marriage and stuff like that, and just therapy and self-reflecting. And obviously, there's always going to be people in your life, friends, relationships that aren't for you. They everything happens for a reason. But sometimes for me, I can really put walls up and hurt people if there's just like one little thing they do that I don't like versus just having a conversation for whatever reason. I don't know if it's just like past trauma or whatever. It's just easy for me to just say I don't like them, like or I don't like that they did that. This tells me their true character, and then in my head, I just make up like this full-on story of like they must just be shitty. Let's push them out, let's push them away, whether it's a friendship or relationship, whatever. And so I've probably have probably heard a lot, well, hopefully not a lot, but I'm sure I've hurt a few people in my life just pushing them away or just cutting them off. Whether it's being guarded, or maybe within that guarding, it's low self-esteem. I mean, especially back in my twenties, it was I especially if I was out in a social setting, I couldn't do it sober, like I had to like have liquid encouragement. So it's like all these things kind of play into it. But yeah. Uh do you think this part of you came from experience environment or something you were born with? Who knows? Probably all the above, but I would say definitely experience for sure. Just past experiences growing up and marriage and you know, just life in general and just seeing because people can be really shitty, but that doesn't mean everybody is. So it's easy when you get hurt, you get guarded. And so I kind of defle reflecting off what you said, babe.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

It's like I can be guarded, I think, happens probably somewhere in like obviously I don't think you're born you're born with a guarded. But no, I think it comes from experience. Experience because you see something. Whether that means as a kid, maybe you see family members or you see friendships right away in the beginning that just that are not like true friends. And then I kind of just build from there when you start seeing you start looking out for that things and you're seeing more of it, which makes you be even more guarded.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

Um, what's the hardest moment you've had dealing with it? I think being alone. You can push people away or whatever so long. Um, you know, that then you really have to learn to love yourself and grow. And so I mean, it's kind of back to therapy and stuff too. So I think just having those real moments alone, saying, Wow, this is kind of lonely. However, do I want to be out with so and so or that group or those people? It's like, no, I'd rather sit here and be alone.

SPEAKER_03 42:57

So what do you do when you're in that position though? When you're in that alone state, but it's better for you to be than to be in a toxic environment. What what what are some things that you did or you do when you're in that situation that could help others, maybe?

SPEAKER_00 43:10

Yeah. I mean f I mean, I know this is probably like a cheesy thing to say, exercise. Like I would focus on luckily I found a really good treadmill on eBay for really cheap, one of the good, really running treadmills. So I lucked out there and so I just started working out, focusing on running, um, that type of stuff, lifting weights, sitting outside, just being in peace. I don't know, self-help talks. I mean, there's a lot of like audio books and stuff you can listen to. Like I've mentioned before, Brene Brown, she's a she has a lot of good um videos and like TED talks and stuff like that as well. But I'm see, I'm so weird. I think growing up like an only child essentially. I mean, I have a half sister, but like I didn't meet her until I was like 17. So it's like I'm used to being alone, so I can entertain myself if that makes sense. So that aspect has never really been hard to me, even to the Day if I'm in a room alone, like I'm fine. But it does get lonely when you're like, Oh, I could be out with friends or I could be doing this, and it's like, but I'm not. I don't know. Um, are you trying to change this part of yourself or accept it as it is? Both. Um, I kind of um jumping off what you were saying, this can also make me very stubborn because my walls are up, and especially from past traumatic experiences, I will fight for myself. And sometimes I need to not. Maybe sometimes it's like, why there's no need to fight? Maybe it's just I want to get defensive. Yeah, defensive. And it's like maybe just say, Hey, that kind of made me feel this way, instead of just getting defensive and just shutting everybody out.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Um do you think accepting acceptance means unsettling, or does it mean growth? If I'm gonna say like you did, babe, I think it means growth because I'm able to see that it's happening. Um, and then kind of going into the next one, what's one step you've taken or could take towards acceptance is like you said, self-reflection. Like I know I do this, so I'm working on it. And you know, one thing I've been doing, I know it's not for everybody, and I'm not gonna shove it down your throat, but I've been reading the Bible. I've been slacking on it this week. But with that, I've noticed like it's helped me a lot, you know, because there are a lot of I I have a study Bible, so that's helpful, especially with a lot of the back and forth and uh especially in the book of Genesis of the 50 million people and the names and they're like 20 million kids. So um, you know, there's just a lot of good like lessons in it, you know, and it can really translate in today into like how you act makes you kind of question yourself like what do you do to be a better person? Or if you're in a situation like this, how do you handle it to not do as so-and-so did or whatnot? So I don't that's been helpful for me. I again, I know it's not for everybody, but for me, I have my faith, so I'm following that.

SPEAKER_03 45:45

I love that you're doing that.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

A complicated pink flower over here.

SPEAKER_03 45:49

I think that everyone has something that they live for as far as that gets them through. Um, it's it's good when you have unnecessarily whatever you're gonna do, whether it's religion or faith or how whatever you call it, spiritual awakenings and whatnot. Um, it's good to believe in something. Not there's not a one size fits all, in my bel in my in my personal opinion, for spirituality or religion or whatever you want to call it. You know, what works for you works for you, and it's nobody else's business. And it doesn't have to work for other people. As long as what you're doing doesn't hurt other people and doesn't force other things on other people, you're all clear, man. As long as you're not hurting anybody and not hurting yourself, and it's it's helping you, helping you feel great. That's awesome. Um but once you start uh start affecting other people, hurting people, you're forcing your views on other people, that kind of stuff, that's where I have a problem with all of that. So with that being said, that comes to an end for segment number one. But stick around because I have my next guest. Hello, everyone. How's it going? Today's guest is Stick Vicious, a fellow podcaster and a new person I just recently started talking to. So welcome to the show, Stick Vicious.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

I still appreciate you having your uh having meet me here, my friend. It's gonna be a great time. I foresee it. What do you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_03 47:12

I'm excited to have you on here myself, man. After us just talking a little bit right now behind the scenes, we're already talking about a bunch of things where I'm like, oh yeah, save that for the podcast. So I I would say like I like to start these off with uh tell me about yourself, whatever you feel comfortable sharing with uh the audience, you know. Where did you grow up? Did you do sports, music? Basically, tell me whatever you want to tell me, and then we'll go from there. I'll I'll listen in, and then when questions come up in my head, I'll make note of it, and then I will politely interrupt when uh I find an opportunity.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

All right, man. So I am a 100% bona fide millennial, born 1989. Been living my whole life up in the Pacific Northwest, uh, kind of just jumping around here and there. I found your podcast through uh your episode with Knothead. And interestingly enough, I actually got my start in music through Knothead when I was 18 years old. My very first show, I did a Battle of the Bands where he needed a third member of his entourage to qualify for said Battle of the Bands. I was a huge fan of his music, had enough of it memorized where I was like, oh yeah, dude, I can quote your CD like front to back. He's like, oh, perfect. Well, come on, we're going to do a show.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

That is so awesome, man. That is badass. And and he's a he's a great dude.

SPEAKER_02 48:29

So that's what he's one of the coolest guys I've ever met in my entire life. Interestingly enough, you know, his story intertwines with mine a whole lot. Uh, going from the age of 16 and forward, um, friend of mine, Amy, shout out to Skittles. She uh told me in high school, she's like, Oh, I know you love rap. I know you love rock. Like, check out this perfect fusion of rack and rap and rock. Check out Nothead. So checked out his music, totally started fanboying on the MySpace. Oh my god, dude, it's so great to check out your music. You're so cool. And he was like, Hey, dude, I super appreciate that. Let's just be friends. I'm like, okay, cool. This artist that I just discovered that's super dope, wants to be my friend. That right there sort of set a precedence for my life going forward, which is just it's a whole chapter all in itself. Uh, but Nothead showed up at a backyard wrestling match we were holding. Uh, him and his wife Annie, he was like brand new to town. Uh, I ended up getting the back of my head sliced open with a uh cookie sheet shot to the head. So his wife uh super glued my head shut. I'm 16 years old. They just moved to town, and he's like, this is like super dope juggle, you know, lifestyle kind of stuff right here, backyard wrestling, music. Um, so I was really, really lucky to form a friendship with him. You know, you fast forward a couple years, I'm doing that show with him. Um, and it just sort of set a precedence for me where I started doing music myself uh with a couple of my friends. Shout out to Neil Montgomery, uh Spokan Zillis Killer. He's been my producer, one of my best friends uh since we were in high school. But yeah, man, it's just been a it's a it's a huge journey. Uh I worked the uh wrestling scene for a good handful of years until I unfortunately realized, dang, I'm never gonna be a pro wrestler uh due to some unexpected lung surgeries. Uh had my lung collapsed twice randomly. Yeah, it really sucked. It really, really took away a dream.

SPEAKER_03 50:38

How did that I mean, how does that so I went to school with a friend of mine uh who unfortunately passed away in high school, and that's what they said was the cause of his death was his lung had collapsed. How how exactly did that happen? Or how did that happen to you?

SPEAKER_02 50:51

So what it is called is a pneumothorax. Um, and I was never given like a proper explanation as to why it happens. The best thing they could give me was for some reason, in tall, skinny Caucasian males, and it's primarily a thing that happens to Caucasian males, your lung will just collapse in on itself. For me, you know, I was the first time 17 years old living with my dad. I was working out at the gym, and all of a sudden it just felt like there was like a you know, the big show was just standing on my chest. I couldn't take a deep breath. Good. Um, my dad was just like, hey, you probably just stretched wrong, lifted wrong, whatever, get over it, suck it up, be a man. So I'm like, okay, cool, sucking it up, being a man. Well, uh, day and a half later, about two in the morning, he found me on the stairwell of our house, just curled up. I could not breathe. I'm just like balling my eyes out, and he's like, Well, pussy, I'll take you to the doctor in the morning. And uh, we get there, and they're like, Sir, you need to get your son to the emergency room right now. His lung is like one-eighth the size it's supposed to be in full of fluid. Like, he's drowning in his own lung. You need to get him to the ER. So, one lung surgery later, they had a catheter in my lung for a week, and um boom, out of the hospital, only for it to happen once again a year later.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

Holy shit, dude. Like, and you're not wrong in what you said. Like, my buddy that that passed away, unfortunately, he was a tall Caucasian male, and at 16 years old, that's when he passed away. Like, you got lucky as hell.

SPEAKER_02 52:26

Like, you man, I'm a fighter, bro. Like, uh, that's that's one thing I want to say, probably genetically in my family line is we're just like the weapon tumble folks, you know, rabble rousing, weff and tumble, just we're survivors. So that's what my doctor told me too. Uh, he was like, the fact that you for two days were essentially drowning in your own lung and you didn't die. He's like, that's amazing. Fortunately, the second time it happened, I knew immediately what was going on, got straight to the hospital, and uh that was when I realized, hey, I'm probably not gonna be able to wrestle anymore. Uh the backyard wrestling group that I was part of. Um, those guys were really cool. They all came to the hospital. We had a really, really cool setup. Those guys actually, you know, they all continued on, and in Spokane, Washington, which is over where I live, we actually have a pro fac like an actual professional wrestling scene now that is uh based off of the blood, sweat, and tears of a bunch of guys backyard wrestling 20 years ago. It's actually 20 years this year since the start of the backyard wrestling revolution of Spokane.

SPEAKER_03 53:34

I love hearing that. As someone that grew up with wrestling myself, my brother, my cousins, or friends from school and neighborhood kids also had a backyard wrestling setup. This is like back in like 97, 98, 99, when the attitude era was really taking off. Uh man, we we used a tramp. I'm I'm just lucky right now that I I have never broken a bone. No one got seriously hurt, but we should have because we were using steel chairs. We try to build up the ramps like the WWF had at the time. We put we put ladders around the trampoline that we were resting on that was our wrestling mat. And then we used guard notes to test the ropes, which was man, it was it was reckless, and it was a recipe for disaster. And luckily, no one ever really seriously got hurt. Occasionally you get to times where someone gets banged up a little bit worse than they should have, and then maybe there's some tears going on and whatnot, but you suck it up. And man, that's that's that's scary to think that your dad. I mean, that that was a time. That's what parents did, right? You they tell you suck it up and you get over it. You don't, you don't, uh you don't cry and you don't um you don't baby it. So you are lucky to be live.

SPEAKER_02 54:42

I uh I'm pretty transparent with my life story. I like to just laugh about it, dark humor, whatever, but I didn't have the best of dads. He's kind of one of those guys that was like, hey, I got my ambient, I got my pain pills, and I got my wine. This teenage son of mine that lives with me is like, uh, you know, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. And um it's a it's a double-edged sword, right? So growing up for me, my parents moved me from Queerlane, Idaho, which is like this little tiny hick white town. I've been there. Yeah, yeah, Queerlane, Idaho, right? So they moved me out to Whirley, Idaho, which is the native reservation when I'm five years old, right? So I'm a little white kid that moves out to this native reservation. Man. It was really, really cool for like the first year because we were all just a bunch of little kids getting to know each other. And I just remember we came back from uh from uh our summer break, and uh all of a sudden I'm public enemy number one, and it took a few years and a few classes to understand why that that perspective might be. But living out on the reservation, it afforded me the freedom and the space to become as absolutely feral as possible. My parents did not helicopter, which is fantastic. Nobody wants a helicopter parent. We would go camping for like a week at a time, and our parents would just be like, well, you know, check in in a month, make sure that we know you're still alive. So once I moved off of the reservation and I moved back into the city, I sort of just maintained that feral atmosphere about myself, which allowed me to just continue adventuring, right?

SPEAKER_03 56:15

I love character.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

Well, literally, so I'm a huge DD dork. That was like the thing to do out on the reservation for us handful of white kids, as we would get together in Buddy's basement, we would play Dungeons and Dragons. So your imagination is just like keen at that point. You're just you know, you have to think if I'm growing up on a trifecta of professional wrestling, Dungeons and Dragons, and complete feral freedom, my imagination has no bounds, right? Which has allowed me this this space to believe that I am able to achieve more than maybe life had intended for me to achieve. I take a major pride point in the fact that I have done more, seen more, accomplished more than what I think the stars ever initially had written for me. Um I've been a part of two smaller local labels that have uh afforded me to go on tour down the West Coast twice, regionally over ten times. Venues I grew up going to, just really wanting to go see these cool artists. I've performed at those venues and I've even opened up for some of those artists now, right? I love that. I've done music, I've done the wrestling scene. Now I'm slipping into podcasting, which is just sort of, I feel like, the destination point for every guide in mid-30s that's like, hey, maybe I'm getting a little too old and a little too tired to maintain going on the adventures. Well, my God, man, I have just the freedom that my parents allowed me to have through maybe a little bit of neglect. It endorsed the opportunity to just be in the right place at the right time, and maybe it was the wrong place at the right time a few too many times, but I have made some of the best friends you could ever have in your life. I have seen some of the craziest things, I have done some of the most amazing drugs, met the most amazing women. And it it's growing up in these little small towns, right? So let me let me pull a little bit back to uh when I grew up out in Worley. Uh so we lived like out in the country, outside of the little tiny town, so it was pretty isolated. So I remember my parents got a satellite TV, and that's when I discovered like MTV. I really got to start watching pro wrestling, all of these things like pop culture just kind of slapped me in the face. Whereas I've been on a long gravel road with like the same four neighbors for years now, right? So I'm starting to listen to all this new music and hear this new sound, and just it's it's resonating. It's not the same four bands that my dad's had me listening to because that's the point at which I'm listening to music. And uh, I'd started telling you this off air, but my love of professional wrestling stems from one particular moment with one particular wrestler, none other than Mr. Rowdy Roddy Piper. Yes. Um, that man changed the entire way I looked at life out of one interaction when I was just a little kid. And uh pardon me if I get a little emotional. Ever since he died, even talking about this man gets me emotional. We had an assembly, right? You I'm sure you remember being a kid, they'd have like the once famous in the 70s or 80s person come through to give us the anti-drug talk, right? When they're probably high themselves.

SPEAKER_03 59:35

Yeah. Hey, you're not wrong about that. You're not wrong about that. That's that's 100% true.

SPEAKER_02 59:41

So we got rowdy rowdy piper, and he came to our school, gave the uh kids stay in school, make sure you're taking your vitamins, make sure you're listening to your parents and you're getting good grades. And does anybody have any questions? Not a single hand raises, and he goes, All right, now does anybody have any questions about wrestling? Everybody's hands shoot up, right? Nobody cared about the anti-drug speak. We're like, you know, cool, you just implanted the thought of drugs. We didn't even know what those were until you guys brought it up to us. Yeah. Um, I always found that to be ironic about the Dare program.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:12

Dare Dare program. Yeah, I was gonna say that's the dude, we're we're pretty much the same era. I I was 1986, so we're only like three years apart.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

Right. I would have been a freshman when you were uh a junior, so we know we fit that that same little category. Yeah. So Roddy Piper, he gives this speech, and uh out there on the re the native reservation, believe it or not, I might have been the kid who got his ass kicked a lot uh between classes, right? So I'm on my way back to class, boom, three kids on top of me, they're just kicking the crap out of me. It's a great time. You're just curled up against a locker, like, how long's this ass kicking gonna last when all of a sudden you hear this, or you'll just get the hell off of him. And it's rowdy fucking Roddy Piper grabbing these kids and just yanking them off me. I'll kick your asses myself. Yeah, get off of this kid. And I'm like, holy shit, this is this is rowdy Roddy Piper uh standing there defending me, you know, save the day. Dude, they ran off. Roddy Piper, he has nothing going on, and he's like, Well, you know, kid, I'm gonna hang out with you for the rest of your school day, which I think there was like maybe one, maybe two classes left. But I got Roddy Piper hanging out with me in my classroom, scowling at these other kids who were looking at me like, when all of a sudden did that kid get the pro wrestler friend, right? He hooks up me and my couple of buddies with some tickets to that wrestling show that they were doing at the casino that night, went with my parents, just everything changed, bro. The discovery of professional wrestling, having that moment with Roddy Piper, which you know through pop culture who Roddy Piper is.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:49

God, yeah. He biggest so here's a funny story related to Rowdy Piper. So my name was going to be Rowdy. It was gonna be Rowdy Perez. My dad was obsessed with Rowdy Piper, he was his favorite character. The reason I grew up with wrestling was because my dad was so obsessed with it. And he he argued with my mom forever. He wanted they wanted to name me Rowdy from Rowdy Rowdy Piper. And she was like, nope, nope, nope, nope. And they finally settled on Cody. But I'm like, can you imagine the kind of curse that I would have had if I would like I'm already crazy as it is and just out of control? Like all my friends are like, when I tell them that story, my mom brings it up. I'm like, that name, or who knows what would have happened if I would have had that name. I probably would have been even ten times crazier. Because my dad was a big fan of his, uh, especially when he was in his bad guy era.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:33

You know, I feel like Piper, he was the bad guy era. You know, it's I an interesting thing as a wrestling historian to look at. Uh Piper just did so well as as a bad guy, but then you just get to know him as a good guy. And you being named Wowdy realistically, with the way that the universe seems to work and the irony of life's story, you probably would have ended up being such just a mellow guy being accountant right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:57

Probably. I was gonna say it's it's gonna be either one way or the other, uh, one extreme or the other, uh, but nothing in between with a name like that. So he is from here. I believe he lived out here, well, not from here. I believe he was from Canada, right? But he lived out here in the Portland area uh for a long time. My stepbrother actually went to school with his daughter Ariel out in uh Beaverton Hillsboro area. So he he lived out here for many, many, many years. I'm sure you've seen the documentaries, some of the documentaries put out about him.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:28

I mean, uh, and just Portland wrestling in general. That's uh such a historic era of wrestling. I'm it's funny, I'm actually uh just a couple days away from going and launching the first episode of my podcast, or rather, the filming aspect with Steve. Uh I'm taking a little trip down to Portland to go watch uh a professional wrestling show. I'm a huge, ridiculously huge fanboy, the biggest mark ever for uh independent wrestler. Uh shout out Ben Bishop, uh Big Trouble Ben Bishop. Um, if you haven't checked out Ben Bishop, and I gotta give him the cheap plug right now. This guy is just one of the greatest big men that's going right now. He's six foot twelve. Don't you dare call him seven six foot twelve. Former basketball player, just an absolute beast. I originally found him on Instagram and like the snotty, ratty little troll I am. Uh, I just started trolling his page, and uh all of a sudden he was just like responding, but super positively and really fun and like getting in on the jokes, and I'm like, okay, this guy's really fun. Then I started developing a bit of a friendship with him. I would never go out of my way to say that we're friends. Uh with he's a world-traveling professional wrestler, but he's really, really kind, never fails to respond to my messages. Um, first, the closest he's been to Spokane so far is this show he's doing down in Portland, Oregon. So a buddy of mine and uh we're taking a trip down there. We're meeting up with Mr. Knothead himself. Uh he's filming the first episode of my podcast, the uh Close to Cool podcast. Very excited for it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:13

I love that. That's that's gonna be so much fun, man. And the fact you're getting video footage of it and all that. I've I've gone to one Portland, um, one Portland wrestling event. Uh a buddy of ours uh does he does wrestling and he used one of our songs as uh his his theme song first intro and whatnot. And when we went there, we didn't know what to expect, but it was once we saw it like unfolding, I was like, I was like getting into it, and it reminded me of being a kid. I've never actually gone to like the WWE events or anything like that. So that's the closest I ever got to going to see it wrestling. Other than sometimes like we'll we'll see at like an event, like there's a hot sauce festival that happens here in Portland every year in August. They have the pro wrestlers from Portland, they have they set up a ring and everything, and they they wrestle, and that's fun to watch and and whatnot. So I've been meaning. mean to go back out there and see some more just because it's it's it's often it's the the stunt that people do and and just it's there's an art to wrestling for sure and when people talk shit about it I'm just like you just you don't you don't get it and that's fine. It's not it's not for everybody. It's kind of like about the music though the music that I like and the music that I play. I always tell people it could be for anybody but it's not for everybody and I understand that when people talk shit I'm just like I'm not I'm not gonna sit here and defend it but you can think what you want the whole thing about the the hatred of professional wrestling right um I'm okay with it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:31

I I understand some people just don't like happiness. No I'm I I'm kidding but I do digress uh there's there's a certain level of store of storytelling right um it all depends on what you're going into into go watch I would say today there's more of a a focus on the uh athletics the acrobatics the cool moves there might be a lack in storytelling which you know may have something to do with the decline of professional wrestling as a pop culture it's it's interesting they're selling and making more money right now the we in general the AEW TNA these companies they're generating more money now than they ever have in history but at the same time the crowds seem to be dwindling more and more and I do believe it's a lack of storytelling the larger than life characters that stood out in the airport. I have been blessed in my life to have as I said I seem to always be in the right place at the right time. When I was a child my I went on a road trip with my parents to California and we just so happened to be passing the Oakland Arena we saw WWE Raw Tonight Oakland Arena my dad flipped around hey we're on vacation let's go do this he parked in the wrong parking lot when he went to go find tickets and as these professional wrestlers are arriving in the car collar load after collad I'm standing in this parking lot meeting all of these professional wrestlers these larger than life people and I mean some really cool names man I got to shake hands with Brock Lesnar. I got to meet Tommy Dreamer. I'm pretty sure that Raven was inclinedly drugged out but he stood there for about 20 minutes just talking chop with me about wrestling and he's like wow kid you know a whole bunch about this wrestling who taught you this I'm like man it's it's the internet brother I can look up what you know your name is and probably what you had you know to eat this morning somewhere on the internet and he's just like wow it's fucking insane. How long ago was this what like what year was it? Let's see 36 uh about 22 years ago so I want to say 2003 2004. Nice so it was still that's still like it still had a lot of the wrestlers that I would have been in a lot of those guys were just starting to head into their their uh backstage roles their producer and agent roles and I think that's just uh it's something that we can look at in life right yeah a lot of these people they spend their lives in this career and then they they move forward and they uh they share the knowledge they become the producers it's the the circle of life in business right I think a lot of it has to do with music. Uh Knothead and I were speaking recently I I consider myself very fortunate to be a guy that he can call when he's having any sort of existential crisis type thinking and bless his heart you know he gave me a call recently just worried that he had not contributed enough to the world of music that he has taken more than he has ever given to which all I could do was scoff and shake my head as somebody that you know had a career handed to me by this man. But you know I was telling him I'm like you know if you really feel that you have not given enough you'd be the perfect venue owner. And I I just think roles like that are where true professionals they they generally tend to gravitate, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:00

I was gonna say that that's it that just goes to show that he has that drive and I think that that drive is what keeps him going probably and that's what brings greatness is when you have that drive. It's the people that get satisfied that are like comfortable that you're just like well I mean really like you're you're satisfied with that. Wanting more I think is it's the American dream, right? You always want more and and trying to reach further. But like you said, I mean you wouldn't be doing music right now like if it if it wouldn't have been for him. So like that that in itself is a huge accomplishment when you can inspire someone and you can get someone to you know that that was very life changing for you I'm sure because many of your experiences probably came from doing music.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:42

Oh dude uh a lot a lot of the experiences in my life came from doing music a lot of the the most painful times in my life too came from doing music believe me. So this podcast I'm starting the close to cool podcast right the name is a bit of a double entendre for me. Close to cool represents a few things right so I've always been close to cool I've always got to stand sort of just adjacent of whoever was the most popular guy in the room. I've always felt like I was a good entourage man or a good wingman or sort of just could connect people and from a background position. So I've always been close to cool. And it's oh I've always sort of realized that I am what you might call a moped friend, right? Meaning we know the girls that guys, those those shitty guys, they'll call a moped she's fun to ride, but you wouldn't want anybody to see you with her. I feel like I'm that way as a friendship, right? So I'm a guy that people tend to reach out to a lot and for hey man I'm I'm kind of going through this thing or I I have this issue going on or I have this idea I don't know what to do. Can you sort of just help me piece things together? And I've come to realize that I have to take those things and piece them together for myself. And what I've always wanted out of my life was to be able to sit down have conversations with people that whether they're famous or whether they're just a normal Joe Schmo just to be able to have that same depth of conversation and to realize that people are just people and it may or may not be a humbling situation for somebody to sit down and have a conversation with a guy who's a factory worker now, right? Who has a family that I'm just trying to provide for I'm in the grand scheme of things I may come across as a nobody to somebody but I can have that same depth of conversation with anyone and I think that that's an important fact that you have to be able to carry forward in your life is we all have we all have someone we've come from we all have somewhere we're trying to get to and I think that if I could make a career for myself having a conversation with a famous person like they are not famous, that that's kind of the way that I want to go man um I want to know what the favorite kaiju of a celebrity is or you know what's a ghost story that uh you know a famous actor may have experienced in their life. I don't necessarily care about how many millions of dollars somebody's made this year or what their next big brand topic that they're about to launch is. So I'm hoping that the Close to Cool podcast as it grows is just going to be a cooling look at the inside of somebody's brain, their experiences and the fun stories they want to tell more so than the endorsements.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:27

I love that. Yeah that's that's kind of that's pretty much like what I'm kind of doing right now myself with with this is like I want to talk to people and everyone was at first was like, oh is it going to be music podcast I'm like well I'm sure yeah at first it's gonna be a lot of musicians and that's mostly what's hit me up to be on the podcast list was musicians rightfully so just because music consumed so much of my life but I keep telling everybody I'm like I literally want to talk to everybody. I don't care if you put burger burger king like everyone has a story. Like everyone everyone has their ups and downs in life and what I want to do with this podcast is so much negativity and so much craziness in the world. I want to try to bring back the human element and people and making people realize that people of all different backgrounds can have similar struggles and similar successes and similar experiences that might you know that you may have never even considered and all walks of life whether you're famous whether you're doing someone's you're working on taxes you're a tax person, whatever. I don't care. Everyone's got something to talk about everyone's got something to share. And if that story can help save somebody's life or inspire somebody or they can learn something from it that's what it's all about at the end of the day. So I love that you're doing that and I love that that's something that you're you're looking at is like thinking thinking bigger than just well how much millions of dollars did you make this year or how many CDs did you sell or you know that that stuff that um that stuff that really just doesn't matter and if someone wants to find out they can go Google it you know what I mean like no exactly it's it's funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:01

So you right now I feel like we're in a very similar place um as far as uh the podcasting goes right uh give us five years we're gonna be neck and neck as number one and number two podcast or whatever genre right I love it I love it. You're manifest it's funny right I'm getting uh a bunch of wrestlers right now is sort of what I have going on right now was a bunch of wrestlers hitting me up um or you know me hitting them up I have a pretty cool roster going forward Ben Bishop has agreed to be on my podcast he was like brother let me give you the brother rate the super cheap I was like realistically I would rather pay you your going rate not the the friend discount because I don't want to be looked at as the friend podcast I want to be taken seriously I want this to be a a good experience where you get to sit and you get to talk. Um and uh as far as being able to help save somebody's life right I think that's the biggest dream of all I have as many cool experiences as I have had in my lifetime I think that karmatically I have had to be balanced with some of the most terrifically traumatizing events that you may experience as a person and one of them that I've experienced a handful of times is uh people close to me killing themselves. Um the the worst of which they're all bad right anybody who dies it's bad but I guess uh the most painful for myself is um you know my best friend he shot himself in the head you know trigger one eight hey too late sorry you know we can maybe edit that in if people need it but I'm just I'm a very firm believer that you know we have to speak about these things as they are. We can't minimize the impact. One of the biggest frustrations I have in this topic you know as somebody who advocates extensively for people's mental health is using terms like he unalived himself. We'll talk about suicidal ideations but people can't say oh that person committed suicide. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:04

That's always bugged me I and I hate that terminology. It's like let's let's call it what it is because it it's an ugly thing and you can't there's no filtering that there's no it almost feels like people are watering it down. You know what I mean? It's one of those things that they're numbing it down to where like we're we're making it a normal thing or like it's a it's an like it's not a big deal and that it is a huge deal. It's a permanent it's a permanent decision that there's no way that you're gonna that there's no coming back from.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:32

I I was diagnosed with uh schizophrenia at the age of 15 due to multiple uh concussions that had happened very close together um just as a young teenager and it's interesting to me how many people try to glorify or romanticize these mental illnesses whether it be depression schizophrenia bipolar disorder you know you have young ladies on the internet that uh they post their TikToks talking about oh gosh I'm so bipolar because you know their mood changed twice in a day and it's this romanticizing of depression has led to it's just led to a lot of misery and I feel that our generation that that millennial generation we were born into angst the 80s angst we were born into the 80s rebellion uh throughout the 90s we were just you know everything that could be possibly depressing or dark was glorified at such a heightened level and don't get me wrong I'm not uh I'm not shunning dark dark art I mean if you listen to my music a lot of my music is some of the most angry depressing gurr music that you ever listened to but it's it's never glorified it's always from a tragic sense because there's nothing fun about mental illness there's nothing fun about losing people to suicide it's it's an incredibly painful thing and it's I wish more men felt comfortable talking about the mental health issues that they have before it's too late. And one thing I've tried to do over the years is just normalize brothers talking to brothers man. It's you you cannot believe how many men are just desperate to have somebody else particularly another man just go, hey man, I'm here to listen I'm here to talk to you. I'm here to understand I am here to relate as close as possible and to not make you feel any lesser because you are struggling because a lot of men are struggling and a lot of women struggle too and don't get me wrong I would never want to minimize the impact that women have but I can only speak from the male perspective and until the male suicide rate drops uh I just feel like more of us guys need to have it normalized hey it's all right to talk to somebody and thank God for all of the young women out there that actually take the time to really check in on their whether you know it's their boyfriends, their friends, their husbands shout out to those women in our lives that they reach out and they actually take the time. I feel like we're on the cusp of a really big revolution as far as as the innovation of men reaching out to men people being able to reach out to one another we're we're bringing back the healthy amounts of bullying to thicken the skin while at the same time learning how to take the no take the no seriously if somebody's like hey I really just don't got it in me today please don't pick on me it's all right to just say hey you know what that's all right I got you back. Are you okay? How are you doing today? And one of the worst decisions in my life my best friend and I we hadn't spoken a year. We didn't even really have a fight we just sort of hit that point where it was like I love you but I need some space um he had tried to reach out to me a couple times and I was too caught up in my own shit and then I finally was telling the girl at the time uh that I was dating hey you know I should probably reach out to Evan and I should probably check in on him. You know he reached out to me a couple times this last week I just got a funny feeling uh I think I'm gonna check in on him tomorrow. And that night on the way to work I get a phone call that he had shot himself in the head. So it's it's sometimes it really is too late. So you just got to take those moments and especially there's no reason to hesitate. If you want to make amends with somebody just make amends with that person. It you know I've I've lived the the Hollywood scenes of you know when you get that call and the phone clatters to the floor and you drop to your knees because your legs go instantly numb and you just scream and you scream until you just can't anymore and then the tears start and you can't understand what it's like until you're there. You can read about it hear about it but if anybody is is struggling with those mental health issues you know if you could go ahead and just throw uh my Instagram link up in the the description of this video I would really anybody who needs to just have somebody reach out. I got you I got five minutes 15 minutes 15 hours I got a whole lifetime of friendship to offer anybody who just needs a friend because I failed in that one moment and I will never do so again.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:08

So I advocate heavily for people's mental health I love that I love that stick that is that is that is that's that's amazing. That's very very nice to you and you know that I I just can't imagine you like going through what you went through. I'm just thinking about situations I've been in with friends and sometimes unfortunately ego and pride gets in the way of arguments and friendships where you know you might go months or years without talking to somebody but because it's something really stupid you know what I mean and I think something like this is a good reminder that you you've got to let go of that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:41

A lot of the stuff that you get angry about it's just really stupid stuff that you can get over but you know I the way I the way I look at it is uh my friend Evan Berone that was his name Evan Burone Evan James Barone everybody called him Turtle that was my best friend we were the dynamic duo in the music scene when I was at a height that I I had striven very hard to get to shout out to Chop Meet Records back in the day 2009 those were the guys that I was rocking with um you know they hired on Evan to be essentially my handler. My kid's mom at the time had cheated on me with a really good friend of mine. I was going through a really hard breakup um so the record label I was on they were doing their best to just sort of keep me um from going to prison or ending my own life and they were like the probably the best thing we can do is just we're gonna hire his best friend on. Hey you're in charge of him get him to and from shows uh and that afforded us a lot of times at shows and the music I made it sometimes offended people. There was a good good handful of times where he had to be up on stage in the corner of the stage because he outweighed me by about a hundred and twenty pounds of muscle. You know he would stand on the side of the stage if somebody tried to attack me from the audience which has happened a few times. You know he'd just go ahead and kick their ass real quick you know we would get off stage and first thing I'd be is hey let's go find some pills. Let's go find some vodka let's go find some coke and he'd be like I think you need to go get a pizza how about we go get a pizza I love that and I would get so mad until I had a pizza and then he'd be like hey yeah yeah yeah we can go to that after party but first before we go to that after party let's go smoke a blunt together and let's go sit together up on the ridge and let's go talk about life for a little while and we would sit there and next thing you know hey I'm just sitting there smoking a blunt eating a pizza with my best friend up on a ridge after doing a show and not destroying myself because of my own depression. So you know moments like that I look back on and I thank God for moments where I got to stand up and I got to live my life next to one of the coolest guys and since he is gone the best way I figured I could honor him was my son who is a year and a half old his middle name is Evan after this man. And if my son grows up to be five percent of what a good man this guy was then I know that as a father I've done a great job. So shout out to Evan you may not be here with us anymore but I thank God for every opportunity we had together up and down the road. When you're sitting in a car with a guy for upwards of you know a week just show after show after show but you don't play music on the road and you don't listen to the radio because you're just having a good time talking about life that's you know that's a really good road dog. And that's somebody that you gotta just appreciate in the long run. And I have a feeling when I'm 80 years old or you know if I'm on my deathbed this is going to be one of the people that I'm thinking about.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:43

So you know I it's just checking on your people guys check in on your people. He sounds like he was a great person and uh it's it sounds like he meant a lot to you and and I I love that it it sounds like he was a great friend to have around especially someone that tries to keep you out of keep you out of trouble and keep you safe and then those conversations on the road I I definitely know all about that I've I've done a lot of touring myself and those late night conversations or those drives early in the morning when you're trying to just get to the hotel or to the venue. You have some of your goofy conversations but of course you also have some of your your deep talks and you don't forget that stuff. And that's where the real bonding happens I feel like so to have a road dog that was taking care of you like that, having those conversations with you, being bodyguard and trying to keep you out of trouble that's a real friend and that's those those come very far and few between so having those types you know for the sake of karma and for the sake of balance and I feel like that was a really heavy story.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:40

So I want to balance out what's kind of a funny one of these I don't recommend that you do it at folks at home folks. So that same fella and I we had decided one night we are going to take this ounce of mushrooms the fun kind of mushrooms and we are going to split it up between the two of us and we are just going to eat the whole thing at once. And at the time I was staying with my mom in like a bougie little neighborhood right so she was supposed to be out of town. So we were like check it we'll go back to mom's little nice condo we'll go hang out watch some goofy shit and we'll just giggle about it. Well all of a sudden mom's home so we have to figure out what we're gonna do. So we sit there realizing oh god we got about five minutes till this peak starts hitting and we decide let's drive the hour long drive across state line back to our apartment. So we go in the middle of a blizzard in winter and it looks like that Windows 95 screensaver with all the little dots, you know, the Star Wars hyperdrive singing so we're on our way and we have our buddy with us who's sitting in the back seat and every time poor little Jakey pool tries to talk man we just Jake don't you talk don't you talk We can't know you can't distract us. And Evan says to me one of the most profound things and has stuck with me for the rest of my life. And I feel it is one of the most important, one of those important things that you can only get in a moment like that. He looks over at me and he goes, Nobody is ever going to entertain us as much as we entertain ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:18

I mean, that is true. Especially in that state of mind, too.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:21

When you when you take that realization, brother, that you will never be entertained by anybody else as much as you are entertained by yourself, you have made the world your oyster. Now, I have walked so many fun roads, you know, feral kid on the reservation out to being a new kid in this big city, second largest city in the state of Washington, you know, Spokane, it's huge. And you go from there to doing music and then you're doing wrestling and you're meeting people like Knothead and you have best friends like Evan and you, you take all of these little moments and you take a realization that if you had been timid and you had not gone to the wrong place at the right time or the right place at the wrong time, or any combination therefore of if you had decided to stay home, you never would have had the fun. And the biggest thing I want people to take away from this conversation is just get out and have fun. I'm about to take a 700-mile round trip in a car with one of my best friends simply so I can go ahead and watch a professional wrestler who may or may not actually know that I exist, but he does a damn good job making me feel like I do. And I get to go hang out with Nothead, right? And I get to go do this podcast all because I decided that I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go do it. I'm just gonna go have the adventure. And whether or not it pans out or whether or not it fails, no matter how it goes, I get to say at the end that I went out and I had the adventure. And I can look back and I did something. I took a dream and I took an obstacle and I did something. Now, the last album I sold, I made that album because I needed something to work out to. And that was it. And then I ended up putting that album out. And I feel like maybe you might understand the depths of as an independent artist with no label backing, over the course of a summer selling 10,000 copies of an album at five dollars a pop. That that feels real good, man, because I went on the adventure because I decided to do something. You know, that time I got to work in an indie company as a wrestling agent and producer, and I got to help people get into town and know what they were supposed to do. It was because I went for it and I had the adventure. So, ladies and gentlemen, please just go out and have the adventure because you owe it to yourself to not just sit at home, to not just watch on social media other people having the adventure, because you can also be out there doing the thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:48

You should be the motivational speaker on this freaking podcast like every time that I have a podcast. I love, I love exactly what you just said. You're making me want to go out there and do something right. Well, brother, I'm serious. I'm a go-getter myself. I really am. That's why I started the podcast. I've been talking about it forever, and I was like, finally, I was like, you know what? I know I'm very busy already with the band stuff. I handle all the business and this and that, and I got my work and I got this and that. I'm like, I can make excuses all day long, but I just need to rip off the band-aid, get started, add another thing, and I'll make it work. Because when you want something bad enough, you'll go out there and you'll figure it out. You'll make the time for it. I don't care if you have to be editing your podcast at three o'clock in the freaking morning and editing video or whatever you're doing. If you really want it, you're gonna go out and you're you're gonna you're gonna make it happen. Don't be one of those people, like you just said right now, that just sits around and watches someone else live that you can do the same exact thing they're doing. And within time, you may surpass that person. You may be bigger than you ever thought you could have ever imagined. So I I love how you say that. Go out there and experience life because you know what? If you go, if you're taking a trip across a you know estates, you're let's say you're playing some shows along the way. Some of those shows may sink, they may fail, some of them may do great. But at the end of the day, you can say you did it. There's gonna be people you're gonna meet along the way, you're gonna have experiences, you're gonna have uh you're gonna bond with people that come and see your show, whether that be one person. I've had that happen before where we played and there's literally only one person there. Shout out to our buddy Sean. And and you know, he still brings that up to this day. And we made a lifetime friend from that show. We played his song, we got him wasted, we made him feel like he was one of us because he was at that time. And now we have a lot lifetime friend on the internet that always supports our music when we have new stuff out. So shout out to our buddy John. But you're right, it go go out there and experience it. Stop living, watching videos of someone else doing the things you want to do. Get up and do it yourself and and make your dreams come true. Because we're only on this planet for uh such a brief short blink of an eye time. Before you know it, I always thought that turning 40 was gonna be like a million years, light years ahead of me. But here I am in May, I'm gonna be 40 years old, and I can't believe that. It's like I remember my when my mom was turning 35, and I thought that was old, being in high school and shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:01

You are telling me, my friend. Uh so I have two children. Uh, I'm gonna talk a little bit about my family. Uh, I told them that I wouldn't say much just to protect them. You know how people can be. Um, but I do want to talk a little bit on them. First of all, the person that stands behind me, um, she knows who she is, and I'm not gonna spill the beans. She knows exactly who she is, and she'll probably be cracking up in the other rooms. I'm talking about her like this. But, anyways, um without her motivating me and poking me in the back and just, hey, you need to go do the thing you used to go do a lot. Um, I'm I'm so grateful that she does, man, because those motivational things they come from her. And uh, I got a daughter who's gonna be 17 in May, and I remember thinking, man, what you know, I'm 36 now, and when uh she's 18, I'm gonna be 38. And I remember thinking when I was younger, oh man, 38, 38, that's so far away. Brother is coming up so fast. So a big shout out to my daughter, and you know, son, you're almost two. We'll play later. But I uh I definitely we we had talked about you take a moment from this podcast and you kind of take it as your clip that you share. So if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to give you a clip to share just that moment of positivity that I feel like a lot of people need to hear. Would you mind if I did that?

SPEAKER_03 1:34:19

Yeah, go for it. Anything you want, like I I'm like I said, you inspired me right there when you were just talking about that. And I love that. I'm like, I I hope that your podcast is like a lot about that too, because that's that's kind of like what I I aspire for this podcast to be is just I want people to be motivated and driven to chase their dreams and stop watching other people doing their things. Like you go do yours. Support, yes, but do what you want to do and support your friends while you're doing your own thing too.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:45

And so here's here is my clickbait moment that I hope anybody who's ever wanted that clickbait moment that they can use against me in a court of law. Here is that clickbait moment. Now, everybody out there, they have a dream and they have a goal and they have an aspiration and they have something they want so bad that it sits there on the tip of their fingers. They can taste it on the tip of their tongue. They know that if they just push a little bit harder, they can get there. But oftentimes they feel like nobody is cheering them on, and they feel like they have nobody who cares whether they accomplish it or not. And sometimes you really need that support. So here it is right now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. This is your moment where somebody is telling you, hey, I believe in your dream. You've got this. Just push a little bit harder because you know what? If nobody else told you before today, I'm telling you right now that restaurant you want to open, that podcast you want to start, that move you want to learn, that song you're trying to play, that book you're trying to write, whatever it is you're trying to do, you can do it. And there is nothing that is going to stop you except yourself. And it doesn't matter how old you are, and it doesn't matter what you've participated in, and it doesn't matter who recognizes you, because believe it or not, I have not been recognized in my life by a lot of people, but I can be recognized by myself. And I am here to offer you that recognizing that you may need. So get up, go do it right now. Grab your dream and accomplish it because we need more artists in the world. We need more people with confidence, and we need people who believe in themselves, and we need people who believe in one another. And whether or not you succeed, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, you got up and you tried. And that's all anybody's ever gonna be able to ask from you is that you tried and that you you accomplished whatever you set out to do. At least you tried, right? So I want to give a big shout-out real quick because I'm noticing that hour is almost up, and I have a child who needs to go to bed. But ladies and gentlemen, big shout out to Ben Bishop. Uh, big shout out to my brother Mikey, to my brother Calvin, uh, big shout out to Evan. Big shout out to Neil Montgomery, Nothead. I will see you this weekend. And uh, Cody, you should meet Knothead and I down at a wrestling show this weekend, my friend. I will spot you the 20 bucks for a ticket if you want to come with us.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:10

That would be awesome. That would be awesome if uh if I could make it out there. Like I'm at Portland's not very far from me. So Sick Vicious, I thank you so much for being on the podcast, man. It's been a great conversation. I feel like we probably could have been we could have gone for hours, dude, here. And I look forward to you having your podcast because then I'm I'm gonna be tuning into that to I this like I said, the way you spoke right now, I'm like, I'm motivated now, damn it.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:32

So, Cody, I would love to do a part two with you because there is a whole untapped region that we have not got into, and I want to leave a little bit of a cliffhanger to see if your fans want a part two. I am also a Sasquatch agitator. I don't try to catch a Bigfoot, I try to piss it off. Oh, here you go. Yep, yep. So I'm gonna save that for the potential part two. You just let me know, my friend, and I would be happy to do a part two with you anytime. Uh, I'm gonna have to get you on the podcast sometime talking about American overdose, uh, about your story, um, about everything, whether I want to get you on the close to cool podcast, uh, and that'll be dropping ASAP first episode, not it. I'm excited to hear it, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:16

So, everyone out there, is there anything else that you want to share for people to go check out? Uh, your links and what have you, where can they find you?

SPEAKER_02 1:38:23

So I will have my links given to you for whatever descriptions right now. I just, you know, that moment where everything that you have prepared just blanks on the top of your head, and your significant other was like, hey, you should write all this down and you should be prepared. You're like, nah, I got it. I got it. But then they were just right, yeah. Well, hey, you, you were right. So when you're listening to this and you want to share it with your friends, you were right.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:46

It will be in the description 100% for sure. I will make sure and put that in the show description to make sure that people can find you and check out your music and keep up with what what all you have going on. So, everyone out there listening, thank you so much for listening. Shout out to Nothead for uh, you know, in some way, shape, or form, hey it's because of him that me and you now connected and talked.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:08

So see how that works? He'll never take credit for that. He'll never take credit for it. Steve, not head. Guess what? You're awesome and you've impacted people's lives. And now I'm on a podcast, and I can say it to the world. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:20

Great dude, great dude. All right, brother. Well, everyone out there, thank you so much for listening and stay tuned for uh future episodes. Peace. And that is the end of segment two with my guest, Stick Vicious. Thank you so much for being on the podcast, my friend. It was a great conversation, and thank you all for listening out there. Uh, want to give the shout-outs to our uh two subscribers that uh pay monetary into this podcast, the liquid shape, which is Eric Sheets, my buddy, and my buddy King John. Fuck the world. Hell yeah. Uh, we haven't heard from King John in a bit, so I'm I'm waiting for him to start making some responses on some of the questions of the week. But I I talked to him a little bit earlier this week and had some good conversations about food and whatnot and health the health stuff. But thank you guys all so much, as always, for checking out the podcast. Thank you for those of you who constantly interact with the post and that share it and listen. I I'm always so thankful. Um, I think we're close to 400 downloads now in what now three months that we've been an active podcast, which is awesome. We're in over 14 countries, I think close to 100 cities that we're we've hit that people tune into us. So it's spreading slowly but surely. And I'm very thankful for that. Keep spreading the word and please contribute to the question of the week. If you guys have any ideas of how we can make this podcast, we're always open to suggestions. So make sure and give us a rating on the uh whatever platform you use and let us know what you think. Give us some feedback. You can email theliquidshapepodcast at gmail.com with any thoughts, concerns, opinions, what have you, complaints. But I want to wish you guys all a great rest of your week. You guys have a great rest of your week, and we'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:09

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