Episode 20 - Jason

Summary

Segment 1:
In this segment, Cody and Mariah explore the complex topic of death, sharing personal stories, listener responses, and spiritual insights. They discuss fears, beliefs, and the importance of living fully, offering a heartfelt and honest conversation about life's inevitable end.

Keywords:
death, fear of death, spirituality, life after death, acceptance, personal stories, mental health, purpose, legacy, consciousness

Segment 2:
In this segment, Cody and Jason reconnect after 14 years to share their wild journeys through music, self-destruction, and personal growth. They discuss their early influences, crazy stories from their youth, and how life's challenges shaped their paths. A candid conversation about resilience, creativity, and the importance of sharing experiences to inspire others. In this compelling interview, Jason shares his profound journey through darkness, addiction, and spiritual awakening. Discover insights into the hidden sciences of consciousness, the power of meditation, and the potential for human evolution beyond the physical realm.

Keywords:
music, self-destruction, personal growth, underground rap, metal, life stories, resilience, creativity, mental health, friendship spiritual awakening, consciousness, meditation, hidden sciences, astral projection, biofield, kundalini, plasma physics, esoteric knowledge, human evolution

FOLLOW Jason: 

Insta- @plasmaborn369 and @plasma.daddy
YouTube- plasmaborn369

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:17

You are listening to the Liquid Shape Podcast with your host, Cody Perez.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

Welcome everyone to a brand new episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast with your one and only's Bettis.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Mariah Taz and Lorenzo.

SPEAKER_04 0:38

You would announce the boys on that one. I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

I figured it'd be a good little mix-up.

SPEAKER_04 0:44

I I feel like they always get excited when we're in here, obviously. We talk about it all the time. But look at them right now. Like Taz is like licking everything. He's panting, he's smiling, he's Lorenzo's licking, and he's just all sorts of excited. So it's only right to announce them. And when we go live or when we start deciding to do video, I feel like it'll be a great thing to for the the people out there to see the boys so they can just get to know them a little bit and see how they are when they're sitting here. Like right now, Taz is smiling and just panting and all that sorts of good stuff. Happy boy, huh, buddy? We've had a had a good weekend. You had some carnesata.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

And who did you love on all weekend?

SPEAKER_04 1:19

Oh, yeah. Let's let's talk about it. Um tell tell us about your week.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Uh well, just another pur use work week.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

Planted flowers.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yeah, I planted flowers. Well, so I have a barrel that I got a little too crazy with. I got a bull seed bag of xenia's that I got off Amazon. And a few months ago I plant planted them all in one planter. So you can only imagine I had a lot of xenias, didn't think about it, so then I had to transport them to a lot a good chunk of them to the ground anyway. So and I'm sore. But it looks good.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

You were out there like getting all sorts of dirty and it rained.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

It rained on me.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

You went a couple of it was a couple days you worked out there because uh the one day you came in, the boys that went out there and they got all fucking muddy and they came in and got all up in the house. I was like, Taz, your paws are completely covered in mud. And I was just finding chunks of dirt everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

And well, in our backyard, too, like the area of grass that is left from the patio extension is still there's a lot of dirt still from it. And I mean, eventually I'm just gonna have to dig up the current grass and then put sod down, but I'm not there yet. So it's just it's kind of a muddy mess when it's raining.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

It's looking fucking great though.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

I I love what you're doing out there, and I think it's well and then Mama Paula's gonna say Cody's mom hooked me up with uh well, us up, but with a bunch of uh flowers and stuff, and then a bunch of pepper plants.

SPEAKER_04 2:41

We spent Mother's Day, I think we didn't record. We did we record last week before Mother's Day? I think we recorded before Mother's Day. I think we did. Yeah. Uh happy Mother's Day again to all you mothers out there. We're thankful we still have both of ours. So we spent Mother's Day on Sunday with both of our mamas. We were supposed to have them up here and we're gonna cook for them and all that. We cooked and then found out that we had to go down change of plan. So we drove down to Salem and Lions to visit both and brought food for both um to spend time with them each. And it was good, good getting together and hanging out with both of them.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Yeah, so it was a great day. Um, and then I got you gave you and the boys gave me a cute little dog mom picture frame.

SPEAKER_04 3:20

Which we need to get pictures, damn it. ASAP. It looks weird hanging out down there with no pictures.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Just like a random picture frame like family.

SPEAKER_04 3:27

Yeah, you imagine it in your head, which every day it's a different picture. We need to do that. Like that's priority this week to do that. And then yeah, this week was uh it was cool. I reconnected with an old friend of mine who is the guest on this podcast. For any of you listeners out there that know me personally over the years, especially my earlier year, like younger years. My guest this week is Jason Steiger, one of my best friends growing up as a kid. We lost connection for like 14 years, and I'm not kidding you. On segment two, this is the first time that we had talked in over 14 years. We talked briefly for a second before we recorded the podcast, obviously, but everything you're hearing on that segment is literally us reconnecting again. And it was so great to hear from him, to know that he's doing so well and positive that he's he's gone through his challenges in life, but he's overcome them. Obviously, when we are when we have these things, these demons, we don't ever we we conquer them, but we they're always sitting there, so we always have to remember that. And I think that he's on the right path and doing a great job. And uh, I'm hoping that him and I can just get closer again and hang out again, obviously in a different light, because me and him, as you'll hear in the stories, we have some crazy ass times together, and then of course, crazy ass times after we uh kind of went our own separate ways and and went different dark paths. So make sure you listen to segment two. Yeah, dude, it's like it's it's very exciting when you reconnect with someone that you were so close with and you went through all this uh craziness with, and then you don't talk for years and years and years, like there's nothing more exciting than knowing that they're doing so well and getting to know them again. Hey, boys, the boys are clearly uh getting possessive here.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Yeah, enough.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

Hey, calm your Tasmanian. He's excited. Look at him.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

His teeth are out, he's excited.

SPEAKER_04 5:11

Good boy, good boy, Tasmanian devil.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

He just wanted everyone to hear him.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

He wanna yeah, you want to give a shout out to all you people up there and our guest Jason Steiger. So make sure you tune into segment two because he is he's got a lot of great information about channeling and meditation and all that kind of stuff that I am now like I've been curious about myself. So uh make sure you tune in and listen to that. So uh what else happened this week?

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yeah, and then um let's see, what did we do Friday?

SPEAKER_04 5:39

I think we went grocery shopping to get stuff prepared.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Because our well, my friend, our friend, Judy came over and hung out. So Aunt Judy got to spend time with us and her nephews, the boys. That was a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Fun hanging out with Judy. She's a great she's a great friend. Uh she's just fun. It's it's fun when you have friends that you can just hang out with and not feel pressure to have to be entertaining or go do something that's is just like over the top and all that kind of stuff. And she's one of those people that you can just sit down, chill, have good conversation, watch movies, eat junk food, eat good food, eat you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

And all three of us have ADHD, so conversations were very interesting.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

We're all dirty-minded too, so of course we're like all saying stupid shit and then laughing at the the jokes and whatnot. So it was it was awesome. Good good weekend with her. Uh we were started watching, what was that? The TV show we started watching Good Girls.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Good girls. I forgot how good it is.

SPEAKER_04 6:34

I've never seen it, so of course I uh I I'm entertained by it. Yeah, it's it's it's a good one. It's it's cool, it's a cool show.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

I'm like slowly remembering like through each episode. Oh yeah, I forgot that. But I'm like, I can't remember if I finished all the seasons or not when it ended.

SPEAKER_04 6:49

We're barely on season two right now. And there's like what, four or five?

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Four or five, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:53

We watched The Roast of Kevin Hart. That was fucking great. I loved it. I just hilarious. I we watched it actually twice. That's how good it was. We had to watch it again with Judy because she had only watched what portion of it. But I was laughing my ass off, man. I love Kevin Hart movies, I love his humor. The fact that Kat Williams came on, I thought that was amazing. That was probably that was to me a bigger surprise than The Rock showing up. I love The Rock. Cat Williams showing up, someone that has been very vocal about how he feels about Kevin Hart, you know, them not seeing eye to eye. Um it was awesome to see that he showed up for it and them interacting.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

So yeah, yeah. But then also the my favorite part though was The Rock.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

The Rock was wasted. You could just tell. And by the time he can't came on, I think Kevin Hart was already drunk. And Kevin came in firing shots, dude. He was really good about talking shit back at the very end. I loved it. So for anyone out there that has not watched it, I highly recommend you check it out. Um, it's a good three hours, I think. Yeah. Something like that. And uh it's well worth it. I thought all of it was really funny. Jeff Ross is hilarious as always. Um, I just thought everyone everyone did a really good job on that. Everyone on on the uh the roasting did a good job with their insults and all that. So with that said, um, we are here uh about to go over the question of the week. So just to clarify what that was, the question was a little bit dark, but I don't think it's dark. It's more it's it's a part of life. It's a part of life, and it's just kind of you've seen where everyone's at doing a temperature check, as they say. Um God, corporate. I know that's a fucking corporate thing I learned from my employers. All right, so the question was how comfortable are you with death, specifically your own? Please elaborate. Do you fear it? Accept it, avoid thinking about it? Or has getting older changed how you view it? I think this is something every human wrestles with differently, and I'd love to hear your honest thoughts and experiences. Some follow-up questions to consider are do you think about death often or rarely? What do you think happens after we die? Has losing someone changed your perspective on death? Are you more afraid of dying or leaving people behind? At what age did you first truly realize life ends? Has becoming older made you more at peace with it or more anxious? If you knew your time was limited, what would you change immediately?

SPEAKER_00 9:06

So lots of lots of good questions.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

Lots of questions on this one. So we'll start off uh with uh some of the face like we got a lot of responses on this one, so we're gonna just just being honest, we're probably gonna have to run through these pretty quickly with our comments back just because we have a lot to get through. And I'm trying to keep this episode or this segment a little bit short because uh the segment with me and Jason is over like two hours long. So I don't want you guys to feel like your whole day is being taken by us. So with that said, the first one response here is from Stephanie Nichols, and she says, I work hospice, I don't fear death. However, the thought of the grief my kids would feel without me wrecks me mentally. That is 100% understandable. I think that goes through all of our minds. Like I always think, like, what would the boys think if we were gone? I don't want them to think we abandoned them or what's gonna happen to them. And I can't imagine with kids, your kids like you weren't like that that that's scary. Like le leaving leaving your loved ones behind is a a very like that's understandable as hell.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Next one's from Alyssa Carpenter. Alisa Carpenter, sorry, a friend of mine. I fear my mom's death more than my own. I honestly don't know what I will do without her, and it really sucks. Thanks for making me cry, lol. Just kidding, Cody. No, I I agree. I have said this so many times, and I said this on my post about Mother's Day, that a mother cannot be replaced. I don't care if you're a dad that plays double duty. I get it, you love your kids, you love them extra hard. But the love of a mother, the true love of a mother, is not something that any person can replace. Not a not a that dad can't just do it. There's just something that unique about it. And so I totally get this with Elisa saying this. And I can't imagine what I would be like if I lost my mom. I don't even want to think about it. I lost my dad, and that was really, really, really, really hard. And losing my grandma was extremely really hard. I just I don't even want to picture it.

unknown 10:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

No, I uh I always think, I mean, obviously, like kind of going back to the previous one that worked hospice, like I worked off like in the office of a hospice company, so like it's kind of helped me be okay more with death or whatever. But when I think about like my parents, like my mom, my dad, you know, or friends or you or my boys, like that's what tears me up.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Yeah, I almost feel like I fear more others. Others dying than myself. Because when you think about it, yeah, you're dying and you're uh it's gotta be feel like cold and alone when you know you're gonna go, and like just the the thought of it makes you feel like I'm gonna be so alone, but at the same time, it's like I'm more worried about what's gonna happen to my people. Like, but I guess if there's any comfort in it knowing is that the other people will have each other, yeah, but you're gonna be gone and you're gonna be gone alone. So that's kind of the scary part when you're done and think about that. So going a little deep here, I guess. I'll let you read the next one.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

All right, the next one is from Pauline Science Silenced Voice. She says, I no longer fear death, just fear leaving my kids before they are adults. As an oopsie side survivor, I can elaborate more. I went to hell when I strung myself up and I was gone when my husband found me. Purple lips defecated on myself, blood on my mouth. You get the idea. By God alone, I am here today. I still remember him pulling me from hell, and he told me one more chance to tell them I am real. Since that day in 2015, any chance I get, I tell the full story. Because in the end, the worst people can do is mock me for it, but the worst God can do is turn me away for being silent. I used to always love the idea of dying. I tried eight times in my life with one success, and that was the last time I tried. I did relapse off self-harm in 2021 when we lost our oldest daughter, but I was also drinking at that time too. I know people will try to rationalize my experience to DMT and blah blah blah, and that's fine. But I would rather live my life the way I do instead of getting to the end and finding out I am wrong. That's intense.

SPEAKER_04 12:54

Yeah, I'm so sorry, Pauline. That's not I can't imagine. Like that's that's hard and that's rough, and that's a lot right there. Like that's I I don't have words for that other than I'm I'm glad that you're here. You obviously have a purpose. There's there's there's a reason why you're here and you gotta keep living. And as tough it is it is to lose people when our time is up, it's not by the hand of our own, obviously. And you know, you have a reason here, and let's let's make the most of your time here. And like you said, you found a purpose and a cause and let's let's go let's keep pushing with that.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

I love hearing stories of um I mean, I don't love that it happened, obviously, because it's a scary, sad thing that people go through. But what I do love hearing is like when God shows himself to people and is like, I am real, this is what it is, tell everybody. So I think that's huge. And I agree. I know this isn't for everybody, but that's why I'm keeping it short. But where you said, But the worst God can do is turn me away from being silent, that's what I fear.

SPEAKER_04 13:48

Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

So um I think God is real and I'll talk about it here and there. But yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:55

Yeah, I love I love that she's found a purpose here, and that's that's what's important. Dean Yarnell says, I can't answer all this. At my age, everyone is passing away, and even I have suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure how to accept all this life, all this life is throwing at me. Well, Dean, I'm very sorry to hear that you're what you're going through. And um I can only say that I hope that everything gets better, and it usually does. Life has our our ups and downs, and sometimes it feels like it's just down, down, down, down, down. But we're all here. Like I said, my message earlier is like there's a purpose for us being here. When our time is up and we're we're expi our time is expired, we're gonna be gone. But while we're here, there's purpose. And I think what keeps us going or could keeps me going anyways is searching for that purpose, and then you know, when we find it, just using it to our best of our ability to leave an impact, a good positive impact on others and and the world, and leave it a better place than when we got here. I think that's what uh next one's from the homie, George Barraza. George Shout out to George, Mr.

SPEAKER_05 14:52

Edward related?

SPEAKER_04 14:53

No, so George Barraza, Mr. Uh Nefurious, Hector, Hector. All right. I don't fear death itself, but the thought of not being able to provide, protect, and care for my family, that's a weight I wouldn't wish on anyone. 100% understandable. George, you're a great dad. I know that you you love your kids and uh and coral and yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are all you guys are great parents, and uh it's it's definitely understandable to have that to be your your biggest concern and your worry. The next one is from Edward Barraza, which I don't I don't think they're related, but us Mexicans, we are we're all related somehow, in one shape or form or another. So shout out to Edward. He says, I do not fear death. Life has put me through many trials and tribulations. I deal with with the struggles of high blood pressure every day. I lost my first son by a drunk driver when he was only two years old. Oh my god.

unknown 15:43

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

Yeah, I'm sorry, Edward. Oh my god, that's that's I just can't imagine. Lost my mom when I was 32, held my father-in-law's hand as he took his last breath. I feared nothing anymore. I have made peace with my life and settled all my financial arrangements for my loved ones after my death. They will be financially secure after my passing. I'm so sorry, Edward. I I just I can't imagine like that. And not to get on my high horse or anything in a soapbox, but that's another just another thing about drinking that I just I'm so glad that I'm done with it is that it does bring a lot of chaos and a lot of bad stuff, and you affect people's lives. And in this case, a poor two-year-old did not get to live their life out. Like I can't imagine. And and and and Ed, we're talking here about financial arrangements. I was talking to you about this earlier this week, that I need to get on that myself and make sure that everything is fine for my family and for you. That my belongings will be able to help you guys to obviously bury me and you guys live, uh be able to live off of my hard work that I that I leave of my belongings. Um, next one is from Jeffrey Gunn, and Jeffrey says, I just hit 50. Several people I know have passed in the last few years, so I've been kind of thinking about what I'd want when I go. Cremation and a party seem to fit my life along with a banging playlist. I don't really think about dying much though. I am more concerned with living and making my life a fairly interesting story. I've been places and done things that a lot of people can't say they ever did. Some of it I didn't I didn't do even if I did. Some of it I didn't do even if I did in reality. I've accepted that death is unavoidable. Why not enjoy life while you're here? That's I mean, that's that's uh understandable, Jeffrey. I I uh I 100% agree with you. I try not to think about it. Um I try to live my life and try to leave something behind myself. Um I'm glad that you are uh you're living it the best way that you can and living for the moment. I think that's very important. And it's it's good to talk about like what you're what you want. Do you want to be buried? Do you want to be cremated? Do you what do you want with your remains?

SPEAKER_00 17:43

It's sucky to talk about, but they're conversations that need to happen.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

So that you get your wishes and so your family understands that it's a clear um there's no people arguing after you're gone, you know, what to do with your body. So I love that you're you're already thinking about that. Me personally, I want to be buried. I don't want to cremate.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

I don't know what I want yet. I used to always say cremation, but I don't know now.

SPEAKER_04 18:03

I want to be buried. And have a big party for me. I want a big ass party. Let's get some fucking strippers there and loud ass music, my favorite songs, and everyone being like acrob steak bites, some tacos, some spaghetti, some pizza, my favorite foods. Um, and I want uh people to tell crazy ass stories about me. That's what I want. Honestly, like I want them to like all like just tell some of their craziest, wildest stories that they had with me. I think that would make me happy and smile from from uh a distance. Next one is from Brent Lamro, and he says, Comfortable and accepting. I did my I did my body removals for a medical examiner for a few years, seen the worst stuff you can imagine. I'm also atheist and believe when we die, that's it. Conscious is gone. I just don't want to die while I have pets depending on me because they won't understand. We all have to go, hopefully, we all die peacefully and surrounded by loved ones. I go 100% agree with that. I hope that when I go that it's peaceful. I hope that uh my my pets are well taken care of and my loved ones are.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

The next one is from boy. Beth Ann Her uh Hervnack Usher. Sorry if I butchered that. She says, I don't fear death. I have no immediate family to worry about. My dog is the only soul who will miss me. We all die, it's inevitable, it's inevitable. I think we are energy that goes back to the world when we die. My mom is gone, and so is the greatest stepdad.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

Well, Beth, I I promise you that uh it's great that your your dog will miss you, but I guarantee you there's more people in your life. There's friends and family out there that will miss you. So just you know, you like I said, I always tell people on here, like we all have a purpose while we're here and whatnot. So let's make the most of it and let's enjoy the moments that we have. Stevie Tys says, No, no fear of death. I have already been there. And that's I've I've actually seen a lot of people say things like that too. So, and I get it. Like, I've watched a lot of YouTube videos on people that have technically died and then came back to life, and it it brings back a whole different attitude of the people, and uh uh, you know, they see things differently, which is which is awesome. Next one was from Rena Kostra Kostraba Porter. I don't want to die or do anything that could cause death, but I am ready when I it's my time. I don't fear death itself, but more like the ways I could die is what I fear. I agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

That is what yeah. I mean, obviously we'll go into ours, but that is what scares me more is the unknown. Oh, I just I'm like, I don't want to be like murdered, stabbed, stabbed, shot or shot or fucking fire. A fire would suck. Fire, burn to death or like a car accident.

SPEAKER_04 20:36

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Just let it be like in your sleep or yes, in my sleep is ideally.

SPEAKER_04 20:41

Next one is from Shannon Shell Little. I'm way more afraid of death for people left behind more than for myself. I always say I have to make it until my kids are grown up and capable of taking care of themselves. I hate the thought of the sadness loved ones will go through. Although I'm not ready, the thought of death doesn't scare me. I believe in life after death. To me, I think my soul and body as separate and the soul would stay alive without the body. I think what happens when the body dies is something we find out when it happens. I've heard many different beliefs and religious stories. They all think they are right and and the only truth. I'm open-minded to hearing all of them, but could never pick a side of right and wrong. I'll find out someday, hopefully years from now. I love that, Shannon. I love that. Keeping an open mind, considering all thoughts and just understanding that we we may be right, we may be wrong, doesn't matter. Like as long as we all get there, as long as we all, you know, it's it helps me to think that this is not it. It keeps me like excited, not not excited to die, obviously, but excited to see what's next with the hope of that there's gonna be something more. Hopefully there is. If there isn't, then there isn't. I mean, it's the end. What are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Uh, the next one is from Malia Hayner. Uh she says, I fear my parents and brother dying, and I think about it a lot. For myself, I'm pretty okay with the idea of dying. A bit more picky about how I go, though, right? Unless I go before. Others, especially my mom. If I was to pass before her, I don't think she'd ever recover. And that thought destroys me. I can I I 100% agree with that. That's kind of one reason I never had kids. I don't know if I've mentioned this on here or not. Like when I was in high school, there was like a year it was like sophomore year, like halfway through sophomore year going into like junior year. It's like I lost six friends. Oh, in high school? Uh-huh. So I watch six def six uh different parents bury their children. That is just a good thing. And I never want to feel that. So I get that. Like I hope I hope I outlive my mom. Like as hard as that'll be, like when my mom and dad pass, I hope I outlive them because I just I wouldn't not that it's it's whatever, but I just and for me, I feel par parents shouldn't have to bury their kids.

SPEAKER_04 22:47

I agree. 100% agree.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

We should bury our parents.

SPEAKER_04 22:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 22:51

No, that's that's fair. And and that's I wouldn't want my mom to go through that pain. I saw my grandma go through it and oh my god, it's it's it's horrible. It's awful. And I've seen my aunt go through it and I've seen family that that's lost their kids and and that's not uh that's I don't think that's fair, and it's it's rough to see. It's very, very, very rough to see.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

I've experienced a lot of death body enough. And then I had another childhood friend that died um when we were like 21. He was hit by a drunk driver.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

Oh, that's the worst. Yeah. It really is. Cindy Wilson says, No fear as I will that no fear as I will then be at the feet of Jesus. Working at the hospital, I've seen death. It can be a calming and beautiful thing. It's the ones taken much too soon that are tough. I watched my mother pass as I looked down at her moments before her last breath. I asked myself, what was I looking at? So frail, unhealthy, and so many wrinkles. Once she took her last breath, that all went away. She was free, she was beautiful, every facial wrinkle had disappeared. Gave me goosebumps. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Yeah. It's weird. Like, yeah, once you pass, like how the body looks.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

I wasn't, I mean, I was there when my dad and my grandma were dying, but their last breath, I was not there literally both times that I right when I went home because I had to go home for being there days and days and days to shower and whatnot. It seemed like every time I would leave, like I didn't know that was my last time, but I treated it like it was my last time, uh, I would get the phone call that i it took their last breath. It's hard.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Uh the next one is from John Gillian. Uh he says, I blew myself up as a kid at eight and tried killing myself the first time as a teen. I became very comfortable with death, even welcomed welcomed it for most of my life. I'm in a better place now, but I still don't fear death. It's inevitable. I will say now that I have found God and going to church, I want to live and I don't think about my death like I once did, but I'm ready for whatever it may whenever it may come. I fear my mother and dog's death more than my own. The two most important beings in my life. So I love that like I love this. That's the thing where people fear more, you know, how their family will be after the day leave. Yeah, that's love right there. I'm like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Yeah, I understand.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

There's a lot of good people.

SPEAKER_04 25:05

Yeah, there is. There's definitely a lot of good people. And and yeah, it's it's one of those things, it's a repeating theme here where I I I keep seeing that people don't fear death, which is good, and it's they're concerned about their loved ones. And so uh it's one thing for us to think about, like anyone that's listening out there, how prepared are you for when you're gone? Like you say you care about your your loved ones being left behind, make sure you get your arrangements in order because no one's life is guaranteed. You don't have a guarantee for tomorrow. And that's why I was telling you this week, I'm I'm going to I'm going to get my arrangements in order. I probably need to talk to someone about like I think at work I already have my like where my money goes uh for my pension and 401k and all that, but I need to get like make sure my house and now I'm thinking about my cars and that they're paid off. Like, where's that going? And I need to make sure that those are all like properly handled. Did you go through your work or did you go through how do they handle like cars and all that kind of crap?

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Like because you're your your job just handles like I'm like I'm being more like my 401k. I would I would assume with cars you would just like because mine's just a lease, so I would assume I'm sure it's it's in the lease agreement somewhere. I'm sure it's probably just taste you died, here you go.

SPEAKER_04 26:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Because how you're not tied to it, we're not married.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

So I mean what I'm saying is like uh my cars are my vehicles are paid off, so I gotta make sure I talk to somebody. I don't know if it's the DMV or talk to someone about just overall, like looking over my all my possessions, whether that be from work, the house, the vehicles, whatever, rights to the music that I own, all that kind of stuff. That that needs to go somewhere, and I need to talk to somebody about handling all of that. So just in one package, when I go, there's no fighting about it and all that.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Not a fun conversation, but it's definitely something to look into. We are sad to say, We're middle age now. We're middle age, if you think about it. If we live to 80, we're lucky. Um, the next one is from our friend Kiris Emberbarne. They say, I've spent most of my life in a long-term committed, codependent relationship with death. Death is a certainty that gives me comfort. I've spent way more years being afraid of living than dying. To live fully as myself has seemed so terrifying and uh terrifying at times that death seemed preferable. So my feelings about death, I'ma get all up in that mother fudge cake one day. You always have the best responses.

SPEAKER_04 27:13

Yeah, that's powerful. I've spent way more years being afraid of living than dying. You know that's powerful right there.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I I can relate to that. I I grew up a lot of my life like not wanting to be myself or being depressed or just wanting I guess bringing like welcoming death. So I I can I understand that when he says that.

SPEAKER_04 27:33

I I'm intrigued by hearing that too just because I I like to think that myself I have tried being more afraid of not living.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

I would say that's where I've I feel like I'm at now is like I'm I don't like I welcome death necessarily. I mean I I hope I have a lot longer to go, but now my thing is like are you living life to the fullest? Are you like who are you?

SPEAKER_04 27:57

Like it kind of reminds me of that old saying that I used to I used to always put it on my quotes for like social media and all that shit, but get busy living or get busy dying. And that's uh I mean that's it's all perspective. It goes back to perspective. Uh next one's from Dan White. I welcome it. Have never been a fan of living. I wasn't born with all the working parts to be successful. The daily struggle is unrelenting. So if I was asked, here's two doors. Door on the left, you walk through, and when the door shuts, it's over. No pain, no fights. Door on the right, it's exactly as it is now. I would choose the door on the left. I'm sorry to hear that, Dan. Dan, I you have a reason to be here. Um, and if you're still searching for that reason or it's unknown, I I can guarantee you that it's out there. It's just you gotta maybe do a little bit more work on figuring what that is. And hopefully that makes the things that you're going through or the challenges that come in life worth fighting through and pushing through. You know, because what we are here for just a very, very blink of an eye. And I feel like the older we're getting, like at least for me, it the time is going by faster. It's going so fast. So it's like, make the most of what you have right now because it's going to be gone before you know it. And I'm hoping that everything gets better for you, whatever you're going through.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Right. The next one is from Monica Kirilf Priesler. Sorry if I butchered that. I don't fear death because I know I will just come back to source and probably have another contract on Earth to finish, but I can't help but worry about leaving my son behind when I pass. That's my one attachment I can't seem to let go of. Yeah, that's understandable.

SPEAKER_04 29:26

Yeah, it seems like it's a com like I said, it's a common theme and uh totally understandable with concerns to that. More reason to have our matters and whatnot in order so that uh you know you d that's one less worry you'll have to have. Next one is from Tamara Harrington. Yes, death can be a touchy and sore subject to some. I have held death in my hand a few times and have touched that light twice myself, but I feel because of the grace of God I am still here. My only fear of death is seeing or having to deal with it with either of my boys or any of my grandchildren before it's my time. And as far as if it would happen to me, I have arrangements made to where I feel I'm giving the rest of myself to science. I have donated myself for what organs can help another human being live, and my ashes will be returned to my children. I don't think my own children should ever have to pick out my casket or plan for my funeral this way. All they have to do is spread my ashes to the earth, to the wind, and set me free. That's beautiful. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

That's a beautiful way to look at it.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Yeah, I love that. That's that's awesome, Tamara.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

Uh, the next one is from Jenny. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna butcher all your guys' names. I'm so sorry. Jenny Popsick Hansen. She says, I think I would be more afraid of not living while we have life to be lived. I want to live my life with no regrets so that when my time comes comes and I'm gone, I know I gave it my all. I love that. Absolutely. Live life, baby. All this crazy shit happening in the world, there's always been crazy shit happening. Is it getting crazier? I'm I'm assuming it's getting crazier, but I think also just with social media, it's just so much in our face. And we're just we're we're we're just consuming it so much quicker and faster than ever before. So I think it's just so easy to get caught up as in like this is the end of the world or this and that. When it's like, let's just stop thinking about that. Look back, look at what you have, be saying I'm happy I have this roof over my head. I'm happy, I'm grateful that I have my kids, I'm happy you know, grateful that I have X, Y, Z. Try to focus on the positive. Yeah, it really does help. I know it sounds preachy, but for sure.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

Next one comes in from Stephanie Would and she says, Death has always been the subject that scares me the most. For most of my life, at random moments, whether I'm happy, sad, or whatever, or anywhere in between, a heavy shadow blanket suddenly falls over me. My entire world stops. I'm crushed by overwhelming panic. I break into a sweat convinced I'm the only person who exists, as if everyone else is just put of everyone else is just part of a movie and I'm the main character. My mind floods with vivid, painful images of all the ways I might die, what it would feel like, taste like, and how it would affect the people around me. Then once I manage a deep breath, my vision clears. The moment passes, and I return to reality almost completely normal again. The heavy blanket gradually lighten over the next couple of days before finally lifting, leaving me in a peace, leaving me in peace for a while. I used to think about death often, about every two weeks. My husband has helped me tremendously. He is my rock, the most solid presence in my life. Over the years, we become like one person, two bodies sharing one complete soul. This year marks 19 years together. Congratulations. At one point, I went a full year without these episodes, and even when they weren't as intense as they have been most of my life, we may share one soul now and but we grew with complete different childhoods. Mine was filled with fear of both living and dying. His was rooted in the love for life. He pushed past his fears, thought he struggled or though he struggled with self-confidence, he always he he's always working on himself, learning, growing, and becoming better, not just for his own sake, but for everyone around him. Through deep conversations and even a few experiences with mushrooms, he's helped me immensely. One small mushroom session once lifted my depression for six months or more. I don't know what happens after we die. I sometimes feel we may come back again and again until we finally figure out who we truly are, at which point our soul can return to its real home. But there seem there seem to be forces out there that keep us confused and busy, trapping us in a state of forgetfulness. When I was eight, my aunt, who felt more like a mother to me, took her own life. It became a pivotal moment in my life. I went from living with my mom to my dad, gaining custody only for him to give me away to his parents just two weeks later. For many years and through several therapists, I believed my aunt had ended her life because of me. I cycled through sadness, guilt, anger, and even called her selfish before finally reaching understanding and acceptance about ten years later. Because of the pain her death caused, no matter how dark my own life has become, I have always refused to take my own life. I know it might bring me peace, but it would be it would devastate those I leave behind, and I simply cannot allow that. I understand how in a brief moment nothing else seems to matter. An ending can make it feel like the only peace available, but it's never worth it. I'm not sure exactly when my fear of death began. I was surrounded by so much pain for many years that most memories before before age eight are faint or non existent. When I was around ten, I nearly drowned in my grandparents' pool. Strangely, it started painful and then became completely peaceful and pain-free. I passed out and some time later woke up, pushed myself out of the water, and vomited everywhere everything up. It simply wasn't my time. Now that I have children, I'm more afraid of dying, not for myself, but because I want them to be safe and I want to see who they grow up to become. At the same time, I feel more accepting of death because I know it's inevitable. I've come to believe that we don't go to heaven or hell after we die. Instead, while we're living, we create our own heaven or our own hell right here. So the best thing we can do is live life as fully as possible, never stopping, never stop learning about ourselves and never give up. Yes. I love this. Great response, great responses to uh everything.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

And I think you're right, it definitely was not your time.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

No, yeah, you you have a purpose and look at you, you have you have a beautiful family, and you know, hopefully you get to see them live out their lives and grow up to see what they are or what they're gonna become. And they're very sweet. I've heard a lot of of the things about mushrooms that mushrooms can do wonders for people and microdosing and all that. So that's depression. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

All right. The next one is from John Wold. No, I don't fear death. I don't believe there's anything about it to fear. I had one experience that felt like dying, even though I'm sure it wasn't, and it was actually very comforting and peaceful. It left me with the clear understanding that if I were to die right now it would be okay. Of course I accept it. We have to. Without life there could be no death, and without death there could be no new life. I don't avoid thinking about it, but it also doesn't take up any real space in my consciousness. Death is just a part of life. I have no fear of it, but that doesn't mean I want to die, especially not right now. When it comes, it will at the right time, and that's okay too. Getting older has definitely changed how I see it. As we age or as we age, we gain perspective and life experiences shape the way we look at the world, at life, and at death. I think every human rough wrestles with this in their own way. I rarely rarely think about death because I'm not afraid of it. So it doesn't occupy my mind. As for what happens after we die, I don't know, and anybody really does. Whether it's reincarnation, judgment, nothing at all, or something else entirely, I'm at peace with whatever it is. I'm not afraid of it. Losing people hasn't really changed my perspective. I feel the loss of their friendship and presence in my life, of course, but I don't see it as someone I own being taken away. It was their time. They did what they had come here to do and they moved on to whatever is next. It hurts in the moment, but I accept it. I'm not afraid of dying or of leaving people behind. I know I'll be missed and that actually makes me glad because it means I built real relationships and a life worth mourning. I first realized life ends when I was a kid, and yeah, it devastated me at the time, like most kids, I suppose. But as I've gotten older, I become much more at peace with it. My experience, my experiences and what I believe have shown me there's nothing to fear. I also know our time is limited. None of us are getting out of here alive. So as I get older, I try to make more conscious decisions about how I spend my days. I want to focus on what's truly impactful instead of wasting time. I've been in the rat race long enough. Now I'm working on building assets that can generate income so I can step out of constant work and have real-time freedom to spend with my friends and family while I'm still here. That's the shift I'm making. I think that's that's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 37:56

It's a good mindset, John. I love that he's accept very accepting of it, I can tell. And like like he said, like you don't own anybody, so when their time is up, like that their time is up. Like it does hurt, but you can't. What what can you do?

SPEAKER_03 38:08

What can you do? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:09

So I love it. Love that response. Next one came in from JK Drums, and they said, I'm not scared. I know it's inevitable. I only wish it wouldn't bring any remaining family and friends and loved ones grief and pain. That's understandable. 100%. I get I get that. And then the last one is from Rach262003. I've never been afraid of death, not careless with my life. I love living it, but I'm not scared at all. Which it seems like a lot of people don't seem to be fearful of it, which is awesome.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Yeah, because I don't know. I just feel like death, I mean, kind of what others have said, and especially John, it's inevitable. I mean, death and taxes, man, those are things you can definitely expect in life. Oh, I just said it again.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

I'm counting those by the way, because I have to edit these out. Those you cost me a lot of time. I'm gonna start charging you by them by the word.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

By the word.

SPEAKER_04 38:59

We're gonna have a jar out here, and every time you say it, you're gonna pay me.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Well, pay you anyway. All right, your turn. I'm making you go first.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

You're gonna make me go first?

SPEAKER_00 39:07

I think I went first last time, no?

SPEAKER_04 39:09

Yeah, but usually it's ladies first, but I'll I'll definitely go first. Okay, so how comfortable are you with death, specifically your own? I go, I d I swear to God, it's kind of like a like a teeter-totter. Those those things that go up and down on each side, teeter-totter. Um, that's kind of how I feel about it, honestly. Like there's days that I'm terrified of it, and there's days that I'm like, you know what? I'm excited to see what's next. And so I go in and out of it. And I watch a lot of videos. I think I mentioned this to you, especially I think as I've gotten older. I watch a lot of videos on YouTube from people that have had near-death experiences or that have technically died or been dead and then brought back to life. And it it's really interesting to see what they see and what they feel in the in the other side in these moments. And some of it makes me wonder is it like that that the DMT that your body produces when you die, if that's that, that they're in that state of mind? Because as you've heard on my podcast on this podcast, we've talked to guests that have taken DMT and their experiences with that. And I'm just curious if maybe that's what they're experiencing right before they come back to life. Um, but I I the curiosity is there within me. So I'm always watching videos on it and just just listening to people's stories about it, and it makes me kind of excited. Not to die. Like someone mentioned earlier. I don't want I fear the act of how I go. I don't want to go some way, like I don't want to go some painful way. Um, I hope that it's just really instant and I hope that it's uh peaceful and in my sleep, maybe like please, yeah. I don't wanna I don't wanna suffer through anything. Fires would be horrible, car accidents would be horrible, getting stabbed, things like that. Just I don't want to deal with that. Cancer, none of that stuff. But I I think I've I've come to accept the fact that it's gonna happen. I don't want my mom or my brother, my nephew, you or anyone to like like be terrified or destroyed by it. I hope that what happens, like I mentioned earlier, I would love for there to be a party, a celebration for my life with all of my loved ones to get them together and you know, just tell ridiculous, crazy stories about their their my life, share those wild times that they had with me, their favorite memories about me. Just celebrate me, just sell it, just you know, bring pictures, bring stories, bring videos, bring whatever, sing songs that remind you of me, play music. For those of you that are fucking drinkers and smokers, smoke one, drink one, whatever. And I fear the what I do fear is my loved ones just hurting behind. And like I said, the dogs really worry me because I want to make sure that they're taking, well, taken care of. I don't overthink death. I'm at that stage in my life where I'm like, I'm hopeful that I'm taking care of myself and that I'm doing the best that I can to try to live a longer life. I would love, but I remember when I was younger in my 20s, especially, I was always like, What? I want to go out young. I hope that I I just burn out quick and you know, it's it's you know, I don't want to get old. But now that I've gotten older, now that I'm sober, now that I'm valuing life and I'm happy and all that, I I want to live a long life. I want to live healthy. I don't want to live on medications, I don't want to live on all this like required dialysis or diabetes or any of that kind of stuff because I've seen it happen to my family. I've seen my family members struggle with having to be on all these medications, on going in for uh dialysis and being diabetic and all that. So I don't want to deal with any of that. So I'm trying my best to take care of myself right now the best that I know that I can by eating healthy, by exercising every single day, um, and uh just don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do any drugs, I don't do any of that stuff. So that's hopefully that increases my chances of living longer. But I'm I'm today, if you ask me if I fear death, I would say no. Tomorrow, probably yes. I don't know. It it goes back and forth.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

So I really don't know what is it, but that back and forth, you think it is a fear of death, or is it more of the fear of how it would happen?

SPEAKER_04 42:42

How it happened. Is it gonna be painful? What's gonna happen to my body? I like to think, and again, this is just one of the ways that I think that it might happen, like my body is going to leave, or my spirit is going to leave my body and maybe go into another dimension or another world. That's what I like to think. And maybe is that place heaven? Is that my am I gonna be up there with loved ones that you know have passed on? Um am I gonna meet my other lives that I might have lived? That my spirit might have lived in other other time frames. Who knows? Like, what if you came you came together as like all those lives and now all of your what if all of your life, lives that you've lived in different centuries, different whatever's um you're now you're whole and one, and now you're in the center, and now you remember everyone that you touched, their lives, the experiences that you had, and all that, and now you're you're one and whole with yourself. That could be a possibility, you know. You never know. Um let's see, at what age did you truly did you first truly realize life ends? So I learned about death. Shout out to and rest in peace to my uncle Raymond. The first time I found out about death was uh when when he passed away. My my uncle Raymond, my mom's brother. Uh I remember my aunt knocked on our door, and my this was when I lived with my mom and my dad. I was like five years old, six years old. And some of you may know, I grew up, I was raised basically by my grandma, so I was always at my grandma's house. I Stay with my mom and my dad, obviously. But most of the times I was at my grandma's house. I was at my mom's house at this my mom and dad's house at this point. I'm five years old. Late at night, someone comes knocking on the door really hard. We wake up, and I just remember my aunt, one of my aunts was like just in tears, and they said something to my mom, and my mom just like lost it, and my my dad and whatnot, and my mom just took off with my aunt, and I didn't know what the hell was going on. Later we found out that my uncle had been in a uh horrible accident, deer hunting accident, where they flipped the blazer that they were in, and uh they all survived except for my uncle. And at first they couldn't find his body, is what I remember, and it was just really rough seeing like just because I I was five years old, I didn't get to know him that well. I I obviously knew him and I was around him a little bit, but but how much how much do you remember of your life when you were five years old, you know? So, but it still hurt knowing that someone that uh was part of my blood had passed away and that it hurt my family members, it hurt my cousins, it hurt my my aunt, my grandma, and all that. Like it was it was rough. And then I remember the funeral and going to the viewing, and I remember my grandma throwing herself on the grave. My grandma had gone through her house, had just burnt down, she had just been through leg surgery, she had like three things happen to her at once, like in a short period of time. It was fucking horrible. And just seeing my aunt in pain losing her husband and my cousins that lost their dad, man, it just it tore me up. But that was the first time that I ever understood. I didn't understand, I can't say I fully understood it, but I realized that death does happen. And then I think later on, as you know, I I got a little bit older when I got into high school and we lost um shout out and rest in peace to Ryan Fenimore. Uh, he was a buddy of mine from high school. He passed away, his lungs collapsed when we were sophomores. And uh I remember hearing about it at back in the AL AIM days, someone had mentioned it that one of our friends from school had passed away. Like he was in his shop at his house and he collapsed, and they found him. He had already passed away by that point. And so at that point, I realized your time can happen at any point. You don't have to be an adult, you can die, you can die young, and it's just sad. It's just it's it's horrible. So that was that was another life-changing moment for me. Um, and then of course, when my dad died, that was the first time that I had someone really, really, really close die to me. Obviously, my my parent, uh a parent dying, you never forget that. So um it's just yeah, I've had death. My my I got my cousin um Amy who passed away. She was very young, and what was really sad about my cousin Amy that passed away was that she uh she had just graduated from the U of O or the University of Oregon, and she wasn't a partier, she was a good girl, like just kept to herself and all that, and she had a lot of dreams to be a teacher, I remember. And shortly after, I think, or in the middle of her graduating, she had a brain tumor and she passed away, and it's so horrible. And then my cousin Veronica, who I grew up with, shout out to her and and rest in peace to her. She passed away from a car accident. Uh Northwest Natural van crashed into her, and she was very young too. I think she was 27, 28. And I remember hearing about that and having to go tell my uncle Carlos about that. It was really rough. So, like, I've been around death a lot. My ex, when her mom passed away, she that was really rough. I remember holding her hand in the hospital and she passed away. Um, and and getting to know her, and she was a lovely woman. Like, it's just I've been around death a lot. And I feel like a lot of American overdose fans and people that have been close to our camp have passed away as well. And so death has death has been around a lot, and it's it's sad and something I guess that a reality that I'm starting to realize more and more that my time here is limited. So I gotta make the most of it while while we can here.

SPEAKER_00 47:39

So, how comfortable am I with death, specifically my own? Very comfortable. Obviously, I don't want to die anytime soon, but it doesn't scare me. Like we've kind of talked about what does scare me is how it happens. I've seen a lot of death in my life, and it's just, oh, I just fear, like we kind of mentioned like being murdered or stabbed or shot or a nasty car accident. Just oh, I don't know. I've always just been like, please let me just go in my sleep. But I don't know. I've been around death. I mean, I can remember it even from like a young age. Um, I had a cousin, Brandon, who he was in high school, I believe. I was I was really, really young. He uh was in a vehicle with friends. I don't remember uh the details around it, but they ended up flipping their vehicle over, I believe, a bridge. Again, I was super, super young. This was like early 90s, getting in a car accident, like over a bridge or like going over a bridge or something like that, and he passed. So I remember that was like I was probably five, six, seven. So I just remember that being really intense, but not really understanding, but understanding if that makes any sense. And then just as I got older, just seeing like like there was a grandpa figure. He wasn't like a blood grandpa, but like a family type grandpa type thing passed. And then, I mean, really when death really occurred to me was sophomore year, so kind of what I'd mentioned, I'd lost quite a few friends in a short amount of time. It started actually with my friend CJ Basil. He it was uh sophomore year had just started. We had just gotten back from summer break. He was riding his four-wheeler outside of sublimity, and I the story I remember, and I wasn't there to see it obviously, but um, was that he was uh where he was riding his ATV was near like a like a country road, and so I believe he was trying to race somebody, whoever was in the truck, like he was racing him, but unfortunately he hit the guardrail that goes off the power lines. Yeah. So that was I think one of the hardest deaths or like slap in the face of like death is real, and no matter what age, no matter if you think you're invincible or what. And then from there, and then I actually found out once I met my half sister, him and I were half cousins. So talk about tiny world. Yeah. Um, but our yeah, rest in peace, fucking CJ. He was fucking awesome. He was a cool dude. I could I'm I just I wonder what he would have been like today.

SPEAKER_03 50:03

What he would have done. Yeah. Yeah. Not knowing like what your relationship would be like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

So I mean that that was really hard. I was really stoned at my boyfriend's house when my friends called me crying and when it happened. And then from there, uh, is honestly when I started having like um visitation dreams. So a good chunk of people that have passed in my life, I think this is probably why I'm more comfortable with death, is because I've had a lot of those visitation dreams where it's not just a normal dream and you're hanging out with them. It's a I'm talking to you, like, I miss you, I miss you, are you okay? Like, I ah, and they're like, Mariah, calm down. I'm fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine, you're gonna be okay, I'm okay. There is nothing to worry about, all is good. And so that was a trip I made. I've had that with CJ. He was the first one. Um, and we were like sitting at a table and I was like holding his hand, I was f I was freaking out. I'm like, I miss you, I miss you. He's like, I'm fine. There's nothing to be scared about. He's like, I'm fine, you're gonna be fine, everything's great. And then so that, like my grandpa, like after he passed, because my grand I was 21, my grandpa passed, and he was like a big part of my life. But he came back and was like, I'm fine. And then it's like I like even still to this day, it's like every once in a while, I know he's around me because I'll smell his smell. And he used to use uh the Colgate like shave cream and like the old school can. It was like red and white, I think, but it was foam. And so that was like his scent to me. Like that, that to me is grandpa, grandpa Harold. And so it's like every once in a while I'll smell that and I'm like, things are okay, things aren't so bad. And then another thing too that kind of made me realize I don't know if you want to call now I th now I know it's God, like God was with me that day, but like if you want to call it spiritual stuff, whatever. But my junior year of high school, I rolled my car four times and landed upside down in a ditch. And when that happened, it was it was just so wild because life just as my car is spinning out of control before I hit the side of the road and start flipping, all of a sudden this voice takes over my head and all I hear is and it's a male voice, and it's just you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. And just like the sense of ease that just like went through my whole body. Like that's wild. I just went not numb, but just relaxed. Like, and I was I don't even know if I was moving or what. And then all of a sudden, it's like I hit the side uh my car um, because I was fishtailing and started spinning. It was a rainy day, shocking organ, driving too fast around a corner. Uh hit the side of the road, and then my car flipped and then like I landed upside down. But then that whole time, like I'm still hearing, you're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. And I think that's what saved my life is because I wasn't tense. And then it's like once I was upside down, this whomever, God, whoever you want to call it, guided me out of the car to the only door in the whole car that opened. Because I did try my car and keep in mind I'm upside down. So, you know, buckle myself. I'm trying to get open my car door. Well, obviously I can't because I'm um uh hood first into the ditch, right? And so the only door in the whole car that would open or opened um was the one right behind the passenger. But it was like someone was like, Stop, go this way. And then my friend Billy was the one who found me, you know, because he's driving on his way to work. And so it was just it was just wild, the string of events that kind of like helped me through it too. So I think just with that, I've always had a sense of ease and then working in hospice too and seeing like a spiritual side of it. Granted, at least when I was in it, obviously it's gonna be different all over, but when I was in it, a good chunk of our patients were elderly, like they were in their 80s, 90s, 100s, so they've lived a long life. So that was a little because whenever I say worked hospice, people are like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm like, why? I I I don't know, I loved it because there was something spiritual about it. But a good chunk of it was people who've lived full lives, so it wasn't like a sad thing, it was this is the part of life, this is how this is the their the natural progression, so this is their time. I mean, there was a sad child patient that we had, a pediatric patient. Um, so that was that was sad and kind of a little harder, but with that, I don't know. I just think we just my experiences with friends, family, working hospice, I mean, even working insurance. When I worked in claims, like you'd see dead body pictures all the time, morgue morgue photos. So uh not that I want to see that, uh, but I've just became I don't know I'm accepting of it because that's just a part of life. Is it sad? Yes, but especially when it's your family or friends, you know, absolutely. But I've just learned that to just look at it as this is the part of life, this was their time, this that was their time for a reason. With who whatever that was is, if it's with God or whomever you believe in, it that's just how I see it. That was their time. God had them here for a short period of time or a long period of time or whatever for a reason. That was kind of I think I answered some of the questions. What do you think happens after we die? Well, I think I don't know, hearing a lot of people's responses. I mean, I think it's there's so many great things. I'm like, I hope it's heaven. To me, what that looks like is kind of bouncing off what you said is you see all your past relatives and friends and animals too. Like to me, that's heaven. Like I just see like a sunshiny field with flowers and like all your family members just running up, going, greeting you and saying, Hey, you're here. Hey, right? And then it's just like a big greeting and like hugging and all that. And then from there, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 55:31

I've just always like what do you do from there? I don't know. Yeah, what do you eat? You probably don't eat.

SPEAKER_00 55:37

I don't do you even have to eat. I don't know. I don't know. Hopefully not, because that gets fucking old as great as well. I love eating. I know. Don't take that away from me. That's fair. Maybe it's one of those things you can if you want, but you don't, it doesn't keep you alive. So you can't.

SPEAKER_04 55:51

Maybe taste is not uh maybe taste is not a sense that we have, so there's no need for it. And who knows? Maybe you don't know you maybe you don't remember some of the things that you did here on earth as far as like the things that we needed to survive, like obviously, like work a job, or if you went through something painful and nasty and ugly, like you don't remember any of that stuff. It's so it's it's exciting because there's so much unknown.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

So much. So that's why I'm like, even though I'm on like my Bible journey and stuff like that, I love I'm not just I'm not I don't want to say closed-minded, but I'm open, I want to hear what other people feel because we don't we don't know until it happens. So who knows? Another kind of crazy thing too, my mom, what was it like a year and a half ago? So like my mom has uh really bad COPD. I want to say it's like stage four or three or something like that. I guess there's stages with it, I'm not really sure. Um, but she was really sick and in and out of the remember, she was in the hospital for like a long time, like a year and a half ago or something like that. And like she even thought that she was gonna die. But then she told me when I went and saw her, she started crying. She's like, Mariah, I had the craziest dream. I don't know. She's like, I don't know if it was a dream or what. And I was like, Well, tell me about it. And she's like, I was being wheeled down this hallway, like all I saw was like hospital lights type of a thing. She's like, but then all of a sudden, it might like I stopped. I couldn't see anything but this bright light. And then all of a sudden, I just heard this male voice. I said, Nope, it's not her time, take her back. And then I woke up. So, and then like hearing others that have had these experiences, or even the one Pauline who said God pulled her from hell and said, Tell people about me that I'm real. So I I just think these visions and stories, and I just think everything's just so interesting. And I I do like hearing about it. Has becoming older made you more at peace with it or more anxious? I think the older I get, the more at peace I am. I think the only thing, again, like everyone many have have said that makes me anxious is just like, how will that leave you? Boys, because like a mama. Like obviously they have dad, there's nothing like your mom. So that like makes me sad to think about. So hopefully I outlived that. Um, if you knew your time was limited, what would you change immediately? I I don't know. The first thing that comes to my mind when I think that, I'm like, I'd fucking quit my job. I wouldn't worry about money, I wouldn't worry about this shit. I would just I would max out your credit cards. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_03 58:07

Leave me with the debt.

SPEAKER_00 58:08

Why would I go to you? We're not married.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 58:11

And how do they know we're together? I could be best single. I could be your fucking roommate. They don't know, they can't come after you. Um, but yeah, I would just if I knew that I only had like months or year or whatever that is, like I'm huge changes. I mean, which makes me think, well then I need to change what I'm doing now anyway, which I am trying looking at options and stuff, but to make myself happier. But ultimately, like if it was like you're dying soon, bitch, like I'm like, well, fuck the employee relations, because fuck that shit is stressful as fuck. I don't want to be stressed out anymore. Like, there's no stress. We're living balls to the wall, like in a healthy way. Like, I'm gonna see everything, experience everything that I can in this short amount of time in some way, shape, or form. So when I die, I've like done everything I wanted to do versus just living for the man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:56

Love it.

SPEAKER_04 58:57

All right. And with that said, yes, I know that was a little dark-ish. We like to have real conversations here. I think it's important, it's healthy to talk about these things, and death is real, and accepting of it is just hopefully you know, we all come to that point where we're uh we may not like it, we may not agree with it or whatever, but the fact that it's just it's natural and it's gonna happen no matter what. So just coming to peace with it at some point. I like to have these conversations. I love to hear from people because I learn and I get to we get to voice our opinions and we just get to have a good conversation. I mean, maybe it changes the way I look at things or understand things, or your the way you do it.

SPEAKER_00 59:31

So, point of views or thoughts, experiences.

SPEAKER_04 59:33

Interesting. Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

That's the great thing about people. We all have a different experience.

SPEAKER_04 59:37

Yep, and there's no right or wrong, obviously. None of us know. None of us know. We have our faith, yes, yeah, but we don't know for like where we can prove it on paper or anything like that. So the unknown is kind of exciting. So with that said, everyone, um, please stick around for segment number two. Like I said, I have a an amazing conversation, and I'm not just saying that, like we had a great conversation on segment two with my buddy Jason Steiger. We go down the rabbit hole of our past, our history, the things that we've been through, the craziness that we lived, our friendships, the paths that we kind of went down after we we stopped hanging out for a while there for many years, and then we get talking about spiritual things too. Like we talk about meditation and all that kind of stuff. So very interesting conversation. And uh, so stick around and listen to segment two with my guest, Jason Steiger. Welcome everyone to segment two of the Liquid Shape Podcast. And this week's guest, I am beyond excited because this is the first time that we have talked in over 14 years. It's one of my best friends that I grew up with from my childhood, a buddy of mine who was a hardcore like concert buddy, party buddy, raging buddy, everything you can think of. Mr. Jason Steiger, what's going on, bud?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:51

What up, bro? I'm fucking super stoked to be here. I'm besides a major nostalgia type shit for me, so I love it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:59

Fuck yeah, dude. It's like so just so the listeners know, Jason and I have not talked, and it's not because there was any bad beef or anything like that. It's that we just kind of we both were going fucking crazy directions and life happens, and I think we're both trying to hit a reset of of uh trying to figure it out as as you do. But uh I've known Jason. Jason and I have known each other since we were kids. We went to school together from Silverton and shit. So go ahead and introduce yourself, let the people know about yourself a little bit, your upbringing, whatnot, and then uh I'll we'll go from there.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

Well, first of all, my first memory of really hanging out with you, and it's probably not the first time, but this was probably like 97, 98, and it was in those little shitty ass, like Section 8 type apartments. Uh, I think it was Evaldo's by the old high school. And we used to play uh pro wrestling games on Nintendo 64 and shit like that. The sauce sauce each other, yeah, with Scott Norton and all them. So yeah, we just fucking died in the wool and these kids. Fucking there wasn't nothing to do but play video games and listen to tunes, and uh we had uh people trying to get us to talk about or to be involved in religion in one ear, and then other people are like atheist science worshipers, and all we knew was is that we wanted to get fucked up and make music because that's like what brought us the closest to God. If there is a God, you know what I mean. Yeah, I can't speak for you, but I I bet you feel the same way back then anyway. And so we just became obsessed with music and and fucking jamming and and partying, and over the years it took its toll the older we got.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:36

Dude, I was gonna say, like, I I still tell people stories, and I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them some of the crazy shit that we did. But like, so going back to when we were kids, I remember you were the one that introduced me to uh Brother Lynch Hung. So you were listening to some hardcore, like underground gangster ass rap that like it's the shit that you have to like like nowadays. I think kids have it easy, they can just go on their Spotify and you can you can search anything and and nothing's really shocking anymore, I feel like, as far as music. Oh man, yeah. Back then I remember you rapping the lyrics to Sick Made, and I was like, Whoa, what the fuck? Like and and you were good at like rapping them out, like reciting them and shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:15

And I remember you introducing me to patterns.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:18

Yeah, well, fucking when I heard when I heard I remember hearing Sick Made, I was just like, What in the fuck? Because I I I at that point I listened to Pantera, Metallica, Corn, that kind of stuff. But I had never heard rap go into that dark direction. I just remember you were into like Brother Lynch Hung and C Murder or no X-rated. Um and we grew up listening to metal and and rap for the most part, like and that that was true rap. I would say like nowadays I I call most of the stuff that's out there, it's like hip hop or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:48

Here's the other thing though that I was tuned into uh that would become really trendy later or popular later. I had a fucking tape of 3-6 Mafia Underground Volume 1. Them two like 1997, and that there was nothing like that because remember the media was only pushing West Coast and East Coast rap at the time. So I grabbed it, I just never liked trendy shit from day one, and I always want to listen to what other people weren't listening to. But so I found uh black market records artists from the Sacramento area, and then that that uh tape from Memphis, and so I became a big fan of the Memphis underground scene back when I was a kid, but it was uh starting to get to me a little bit. That shit's like spells, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:32

I was gonna say, so how are you so because nowadays anyone can like do research and shit, and it's easy to access shit. How are you getting underground music like that or hearing about it? Like how back then?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:42

Uh the older brothers and sisters of friends and my uh brother-in-law now, he's been dating my sister since they were like 14 years old. He introduced me to Buddhynch back in like '97 or something, 96, 97. So I had I always hung out with older people that were like two to four years older than me. I had older cousins and stuff like that. Um, I used to drive around. We were talking about Eric Oakers. Uh he had an older sister, and uh she was dating this brown pride Mexican dude. They had a fucking lowered, it was like a Monte Carlo or something, and he had fucking uh triple beam Daytons on it, and he used to drive us around, these little kids, man. Damn. In the city with this like system, and so he introduced me to like Selly Cell and all the West Coast Bay Area stuff, E40. That's fucking awesome, dude. I love go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:35

No, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:36

Oh, I was just I was gonna say I always gravitated towards like the darker shit, and and I was just looking for something deeper, but but uh I switched sides. I mean, I grew up listening to classic rock and shit like that, and like hair metal and stuff like that, and grunge totally I was like raised by grunge because of the I fall asleep to the radio every fucking night, dude. I was a little kid with a little boom box by the by my bed. I would just drive my brother crazy, I'd never turn it off, and uh then I switched. To headphones with a disc man every night. But what I was what I was gonna say is right around 99, bro, I fully switched over to being a metal head. Um because of uh Pantera, fucking Slayer, and uh then Slipknot's first album came out, bro, and it changed the game for me. It was like the the the it was what I needed to release that fucking teenx, and I just so I identified so fucking quick with that shit. Uh and then the you introduced me to the Mud Vane uh LD50 in like 2001. We were having an outdoor funeral thing at the school, like some kid died in a car wreck or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that that's my memory of you going, hey bro, have you heard Mud Vane? Their their album LD50? And I was like, No, what's that? Dude, fucking that changed the game for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:52

It's crazy to think like the history that we have, because I I was gonna say, I I think we became friends because uh Valdo, obviously. Osvaldo was one of my my best friends at the time, and I think you were pretty close with him as well. And then I remember we had you and I had art class together too, so we kind of bullshitted in there with uh with with you know you had you always I remember your uh the shit that you would paint and create too always had like a darkness to it, so obviously I would be like, Oh shit, that's cool. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:17

Like an edge lord, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:19

But I just remember that that's how you and I kind of started becoming friends was through having the mutual friend, obviously, Osvaldo. And then as as we got to know each other more through like the music that we liked and and all that kind of shit, I think you and I started to hang out even more, like actually like friends and playing video games and shit. I still remember we'd busted out the uh the Goldeneye while we were blasting like fucking we we'd be blasting music till like three o'clock, four o'clock in the in the morning, just shooting the shit at each other with uh golden guns and odd job. And for all those people out there, fucking Goldeneye was like the sacred game for many, many, many years. And there was always like that one guy that would want to be odd job because he's a little midget guy that could fucking shoot everybody and start to shoot. But dude, that's it's just it's crazy to think about like the history that we have, you know. Just and then I think at one point you moved to Madras, right, or something to the east.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:11

Yeah, and I mean I got into a bunch of trouble as a as a young kid. Uh I was, you know, like I said before, I was just searching, I had a lot of angst. I grew up, I had three different stepdads.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:22

That's not easy.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:23

Yeah, I was blessed to have two really masculine, grounded grandfathers, though, from the World War II generation. One of them was actually in Okinawa in the fighting CBs and the shit. And so they whooped my ass, sometimes literally, and uh they they set me straight, man, and they instilled a lot of values in me, but that didn't s satisfy the deeper desire I had to find the end of the rabbit hole, so to speak.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:47

And so all I knew was that everything around me was not making me happy, and I knew there was more to life than the fucking school and pregnancy and and marriage and debt and all that shit. So I watched my sister get pregnant too with twins at the age of 17. I watched my mom get married a bunch, and my dad was a fucking addict and all that shit. So it it really set me on a course to find something more meaningful than what I was being told um that I had to do. And I just I chose music at first as that escape out of the matrix, and uh, and it started with some dark music, man. And and uh, but back then I was hanging out with some bad influences uh and ended up burglarizing a house, stealing a handgun, racking up got caught with pot at school at the same time, got MIP for alcohol, got three felonies, four misdemeanors at 15 years old, and thankfully was able to work out a deal with a judge that I can go to lockdown rehab for a year and uh instead of McLaren juvenile penitentiary. So that really saved my ass and set me on a course for success, I think. And I always had it, you know, a decent head on my shoulders as far as not getting into stupid ass problems when I don't need to. And and uh and I never ever in my whole life wanted to hurt anyone. I was just very self-destructive. Uh but gravitated towards the drugs, man, especially the ones that made me numb. So there was a lot of alcohol at a very young age. But anyway, so I ended up meeting my dad at the same time that I got in all the trouble. My mom was like, I'm done with you, you're too much trouble. Here, go go live with your dad. So I went over there and I actually managed to graduate high school. I was the first uh one in my family, in my immediate family, to do so. So that's really what made it motivated me to fucking actually do it was the fact that no one thought I would. But as soon as you know that was done, I I fucking just went balls deep into the alcoholism. I got a DUI, broke my back in a rollover accident, which honestly was serendipitous because I was gonna go sign up uh to go over to Iraq. This was like 2000, and my and I had a buddy, we were gonna go sign up together, and I got denied because of my uh back injury and then my gun charge from when I was 15. They took my friend, he ended up going over there and serving some tours and seeing some real fucked up shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:01

Oh, I bet.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:02

Especially with the checkpoints, they had their rules of engagement were fucking crazy back then. They tell a car to stop, if they don't stop, they fucking light them up. And a lot of times it was just families and shit, you know what I mean? So um, but he would come back and show me this pictures and all that shit. But anyway, so I feel like the a lot of the trouble, man, like you said before, when we were talking earlier, it's a blessing in disguise. And uh, so I couldn't go into the military, so I just was like, fuck this, man. I'm gonna fucking play music. And I just was like, Oh, I'm gonna be a bass player first. So I got a bass. I played the big big big big big big at it.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:34

I remember you had the bass when you lived in Salem. I remember I was like, Oh, you play bass.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:38

When I was getting the itch right there, that's when I was getting the itch to play music, and I thought I could do the bass, but I had no heart for it. You know, I didn't discipline.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:46

Maybe the discipline. You didn't have the discipline to learn.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:49

I was drunk as shit all the time. But I I was never meant to be anything other than a vocalist, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:55

I was gonna say you have that character of a of a vocalist. You have that you I remember you wrote some badass lyrics too, and uh on stage you had what what you can't fake and you can't learn, which is charisma. You have the fucking charisma in the character. So yeah, that definitely makes sense that you you became a vocalist.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:12

Yeah, man, and thanks for that, by the way. But a lot of it was just releasing, it was like therapeutic for me. So I would just thrash my fucking neck, I'd let it all out on stage, and uh that goes back to the the spinal injury from a rollover accident that I got when I was 17. This would come back to haunt me in the form of chronic pain, especially my spine and my neck when I'd really started playing shows. How did the accident happen, if you don't mind? Oh man, we were just out. We skipped snowball dance December 7th, 2001. I put my uh my big at my big fat ass friend in the passenger seat, no seatbelt on. He's like fucking 350, 350 pounds. I put my other jacked football player friend in the back inside the canopy. I had a lifted Short Ranger and I fucking like a dumbass, dude. We took we took out a half gallon of vodka. I was 17 years old, and every time we'd stop from like a crazy jump or just mudding up a hill or whatever, we'd stop and just take poles off this vodka, and it was fucking basically killed. Like 85% between the three of us, the bottle was gone. We started head heading, yeah, right. We started heading back into town, and there's this long gravel road in the dark, dude, out in the desert. And uh so it goes from like open desert, like federal land in central Oregon where I was mudding, and then it goes to a long gravel road, a windy one, like a dumb fuck. I'm like changing CDs because this is like 2001, bro. We had CDs, so I was changing I was changing slipknot to Pantera. Fuck. I still remember the fucking memory.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:50

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:51

And uh hit this gravel road and I look down to change the CDs, bro. And I'm going like I'm going like 45, not too fast, but it's fast on the gravel road.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:59

And I look up, dude, and there's a 90-degree turn right in my face, and it's this like a hillside with rocks hanging out, and it was either slammed straight into that or try to take the turn. I tried to take the turn and we rolled like four times on the nose. Thank God. So it so it crunched, it crushed the front end of the vehicle, the cab and all that. And guess who fucking pulled me out? It was my buddy that survived unscathed in the canopy in the back. He just ducked and rolled with it, and it didn't crush him. And uh, my fat ass friend, thank God, he was we the way we landed, it was passenger side down, and he's fucking screaming like a bitch, get off of me, get off of me. And I'm just like, oh, what was going on? And uh I wasn't I wasn't blacked out or nothing, but my friend pulled me out, and as soon as he plopped me on my feet off the truck, dude, they buckled, and I thought I was paralyzed. I just had this shooting, severe shooting pain in my spine, and then I couldn't move my legs or feel my legs. And uh, my big friend, as he was coming out, he cut the shit out of his arm on the broken window, and uh he was whining like a bitch the whole time. I'll never forget that. And then uh then the cops came because a farmer came out on a quad, was like, You guys alright? I called the cops, and hey, I was like, No, my friend threw the bottle really far into a field, and then uh yeah, man, the cop came and I was like, shoot me in the fucking head, just shoot me right now. And he put that in the report as one of the indicators of of how I was intoxicated because I was saying that. Yeah, but uh, I really thought I was paralyzed, but anyway, so that started uh a lifelong, let's say, uh adoration for painkillers. That was the first time I got prescribed Damarol, and uh it changed me my life, dude. It was like I was on uh a couch for like two months just slurping out of slurping orange juice high as fuck on pills.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:53

Well, you know, it could have it also it could be that it also saved you from going to Iraq and getting killed out there or coming back with PTSD that could have set you on a whole different other path. So there's definitely a couple of ways you can look at it for sure. That's scary shit, dude. You know what's funny is that you telling that story. I think I you're you probably know the story that I had that was very similar to that where I rolled my mom's Jeep when I was in high school and I was with four friends trying to steal some weed from a place from out in the woods out in Silverton, and uh I think I think the reason why you and I gravitated so much to each other aside from the music was like you just said earlier, like we're self-destructive, but we all also had a good head on our shoulders. So we we took it, we would take it far, but we knew just how far to take it before it was like, all right, you're gonna go to jail or prison for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:43

I knew when to quit and when to leave.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:45

Yeah, so I I think that's probably what attracted us to be friends was the the fact that we're very similar in that aspect, too, is like where it's like, how far can I take this? I don't fucking like to listen to any rules, I'm gonna do what I want to do, but at the same time, I'm not gonna be retarded about it and fucking exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:01

Well, for my for the my astrology enjoyers that may be listening, I'm a Virgo and he's a Taurus.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:08

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:08

So that's probably a lot to do with what we're talking about right there.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:12

Very true. Very fucking true.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:14

I I just take it all as a blessing in disguise, man. And I know for a fact that that did divert my life into a whole nother path that I needed to go through. It was everything in my life, all the dark shit, everything. I don't regret nothing. I take it all as a lesson and and uh try to learn from everything that happens to me no matter what.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:34

Experience and you can share it with other people. Like I so yeah, I'm sure we'll get to this, but you have a channel and it looks like you have a lot of people that follow you, and that I I see all the engagement that you get on there, which is fucking awesome. Congratulations to you for that. Um, I think everything happens for a reason, and and living with regrets doesn't serve you anything, but learning from those things um and being able to share them with people, not like you're bragging or anything like that, but in a way that people can understand that, like, yeah, shit happens, but you can still come out on after all the craziness that life throws at you. You know, you don't give up, you just keep pushing forward. You do your best to make bring some light in a dark situation.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:11

So hell yeah, and it's therapeutic, man, because you're venting it out. You're getting free therapy, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:16

Yeah. By sharing that trauma. And uh you articulate it very well from what I've seen in your videos and shit like that. So it's it's fucking cool to see where you're at right now and and happy. I'm very happy to be just talking to you, dude. Like it's it's like when you responded, I was like, holy shit. I'm like, I got chills, and I've even told Mariah, my girlfriend, I'm like, I'm like, dude, this is like one of my best friends from growing up and shit. I haven't talked to him. You I'm not exaggerating when I say this. I haven't talked to you in 14 fucking years. And it wasn't like anything went bad, it's just like I said earlier, we kind of both were going down self-destructive ways and kind of just like it went one way and the other way, and just here we are today, and everything happens for a fucking reason. So I'm telling what happened, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:57

Let's get into the POS entertainment era. How about that?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:00

All right, so yeah, go ahead. So that that brings us to uh I would say early or mid 2004, 2005, because I think that's when I moved to I moved to Salem right after high school, and I think you were living over on Pine Street in Salem. I I think I met you when you were working at Walmart with Jared with Jared.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:19

I was living in the absolute worst fucking apartments. They're called London Air, and they were behind Lancaster Mall off Lancaster, and they're full it was fucking traps all over the place. There was meth everywhere. My neighbors were tweakers, big time tweaker a meth dealer around the corner named uh Jamie, who packed a fucking Mac 10 and shit. Oh shit. Um were you friends with him? Yeah, I used to go up in there and fucking smoke weed and take gravity bolt bong hits and watch his ass be paranoid and watch all the people come up and down the stairs, up the monitors of the camera to buy shit, and he'd grab his gun every time. And and we were playing San Andreas and shit. Unfortunately, I I hated meth back then, and so it was real unfortunate. But I moved my my high school sweetheart out there with me from Central Oregon. She ended up getting kind of fucked off on the meth. She used to go to that guy's house and shit, hang out, and I'd get home and find out. So yeah, it was just young and stupid. I was 19 years old in 2004, so learning experiences.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:21

I what the one thing I remember from those apartments uh that I always tell the story, and people were like, No fucking way, is we would go into your garage, it was kind of like a man cave, and we would hit either we'd turn off the lights or we would hit the you had like the strobe light in there or some shit, and you would blast Slayer, and we would get all fucked up and drunk, and we would start chucking uh beer bottles at each other in the room and just breaking them. And we're lucky we didn't like come out like fanged up or anything. I don't think anyone got seriously hurt or anything like that, but that's one of the things I remember from you living in those apartments.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:52

I can't believe it. We'd be like, You're talking about Evergreen, yes, Evergreen Terrace. Um so that was the apartments I moved to after the last tweaker when I was just talking about. And yeah, that was a crazy time, dude. That's when we first started hanging out and just I was balls deep. I'd love my 18 pack of Miller or Cruz Light or whatever. And I was just uh was drinking constantly, eating Mexican food out of the taco trucks every day, working at fucking Walmart and loading trucks.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:17

We'd hit the Albertos, Ibertos, remember? Ibertos. We'd go we'd go hit that place up. Um but I I always tell people that story and they're just like, How the fuck did you guys? I'm like, I don't know how it happened, but like we would throw bottles everywhere, and I just remember glass flying everywhere, slayers blasting hardcore fucking loud, and like none of us like came out injured or anything, which was which I'm just surprised that not that didn't happen.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:40

No, but the fucking walls were injured. The the fucking drywall was destroyed completely, and I ended up getting my credit fucked for fucking like seven years for that. Yeah. I got denied multiple times in different places because of that apartment.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:55

Yeah, we we definitely raged a lot, and I think that's just right when I started playing live shows, and you started showing that you could do vocals as well. And I think that's when you tried out for uh you jammed with the guys from Kill on Site at that point because they had lost Torin and you you met B, I think, at a like a strip club or something like that, and you guys you ended up like trying out for them and jamming with them. Is that was that when you first started jamming?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:15

Yeah, it's pretty accurate, man. So this is what how it happened. I was picking up a bass, just and this was right when Ashes of the Wake dropped. So I bought the DVD and I was just drinking and watching that DVD constantly, uh listening to my CDs and shit. That's all we had back then. Yeah, and and uh I saw a flyer for kill on site because this was in Salem, and I was like, holy shit, there's a local metal scene. I gotta get involved in this, man. I'm like, how the fuck? That was like became my mission. My goal was to find this friend group and and kind of try to climb the ranks and become a it get in a band, you know what I mean? At the time I actually was already in a band called Malice Devis um with some younger people than me. They're they're fucking prodigy progenies, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:57

Yeah, yeah. That was a badass, that was a badass band you had there too. I liked I liked what you guys were doing. I remember um playing shows with you. Like we did shows together.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:05

Yep, at the Ikebox and other places. Rock and roll pizza! Rock and roll pizza. Yeah, we and then that other venue in Portland. I can't remember what the fucking name was.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:14

Rock and roll pizza. Remember Rock and Roll Pizza?

SPEAKER_01 1:23:16

Yeah, for sure. That one and then the uh Paris Theater.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:19

The Paris Theater downtown.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:20

Yeah, that one. But Rock and Roll Pizza, man. I was like, I was trying to uh save that for a little bit later. That's a whole nother set of memories. Yeah, we were going up there like every weekend for a while.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:30

Yep. We'd go to show. I remember we'd go to shows to Ikebox, we would go to shows at uh Rock and Roll Pizza, because that was the Rock and Roll Pizza was the place, and people still always bring it up because that was one of the cooler venues that we had. But I remember you and I would would fucking cruise on up there. I was in a band called Well, the first band I started was In Vane, and that I think that's kind of when you were starting to get uh you were starting to get into vocals five, yeah, exactly. And then I think you started the band with uh the guys from Malice Devised right as I was joining or getting with um Regiment 26.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:01

I remember those days, so we were driving up to Oregon City constantly and hanging out with Cole and all of them too.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:06

Dude, and I I don't know how we did this, but I always tell people this story too. Like we would when you this was when you lived behind Ross and we were apartments. So you and I, you and I would fucking I swear to God, we would get an 18-pack of Coors lights, we'd get in my we'd get in my fucking um Mitsubishi Mitsubishi eclipse, and we'd have the Coors light right between the seats. We're jamming the fuck out of Pantera in this, and this was like a hardcore Pantera phase. Like we were going through like all mostly it was reinventing the steel, a great southern trend kill, and fucking Vulgar Display. Those were the the three ones that we just like really, really, really always just overplayed, overplayed, overplayed. But I just remember we would kill the 18 pack on the way up there, and then we'd get to the store before we like the plaid pantry right before uh the practice spot. We'd grab like four tall boys, go to the practice spot, jam, drink there, and then leave, pick up another 18 pack, cruise back down to fucking Oregon or uh to Salem from Oregon City, and then we'd rage that night. We'd call people over when you lived over at the uh what were those apartments called?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:08

Uh there's another one by Jack in the Crack on the other end of Portland or uh Salem, I mean.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:14

Well, this is before those, though. This this is the one behind Ross Dress for Less.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:17

That was the one where I lived with Baldo.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:19

Fuck. I can't remember their name, dude. But yeah, that was the that was the most raging era right there for sure. With the pay ball guns and the beer pong table and the fucking Xbox.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:32

Dude, we had so many fucking there was times where I was like, how are we gonna fit everybody fucking in here? And I'm we're lucky we never got the cops called on us. We had that remember that near neighbor you had across this uh across the hallway that like all he did was work from home. He was like an IT guy and he made like$120,000 a year or some shit like that, just doing fucking internet shit. And he was always cool about it. Yeah, never out of problem. Never out of problem. And I always tell people about that story about us cruising up there. I'm like, I don't know how we didn't get in a wreck. I don't know how we didn't get a I didn't get in a DY. DY, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:03

I'm like freeway every time, just drinking. And we just throw the fucking cans out the window.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:10

Littering and shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:11

Low consciousness behavior.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:13

Dude, self-destructive as a fucking like when I tell people I I swear that I get this look like they're like doubting what I'm saying. I'm like, there's proof out there. Like, there's people that were around during this era. Um and then and then, yeah, you ended up moving out to those apartments in um by the Jack in the Box on Portland Road, and I think we continued our debacle over there.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:32

Yeah, and at this time, you probably remember this, but we were uh we might have both been getting out of our bands at the time, and we decided to form a a Motor Grator cover band.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:43

Yes, I always tell people that too. I always tell talk about that shit too. I'm like, we we were so obsessed with that motor grader album, we're like, dude, let's fucking just let's bring it back. And funny enough, dude, three years later, some of the original members brought that band or tried to bring that band back, and it's it's gone gone in and out now where people, different members have have been a part of that. But one of the one of the things I remember from those apartments you live by the Jack in the Box that always like I it just gives me like this gross feeling was when we were drinking a fifth or a half gallon of fucking Barbosa, the spiced rum, and somehow we ended up on top of your roof of your apartments, and I got stuck up there. I got stuck up there, and fucking Jason, your or not Jason, your Jared, your old roommate, he had to grab his big old fucking arms to fucking like bring me down because I was like terrified. I'm drunk on your fucking roof, and I'm like, uh shit, I'm stuck up here. I don't want to like I can't come down. And I was tripping the fuck out because I was drunk, and also I thought I was gonna fall down to my dad from the apartments and J could have for sure. Probably could have, yeah. And Jared ended up like picking me up somehow like a little kid and fucking placing me down. But that was definitely another one of those places that uh that we we raged and partied a lot. And do you remember when we when we tried to go golfing? Faintly was uh what kind of golfing? Well so we Over on Battle Creek on Battle Creek in Salem in South Salem, a sketch, the drummer sketch. Like actual golfing. We got dude, we got we got invited to go to this like really nice like golf course that's like top of the line, fucking in South Salem.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:17

Oh yeah, I remember this shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:18

And we had drinks bought for us and shit. Like the we had a tab that the dude that worked there hooked us up with. And then we also brought an 18-pack of or 24-pack. And I remember we were just cruising in the golf cart, just pounding down beers, blasting music, and we were pissing everybody off because we were just we were pulling off pretty much a happy Gilmore where we would fucking we'd swing the golf clubs and we were sucking at golfing and we were holding up the lines for people and they were like yelling at us like yay, you guys need to keep moving along. You guys are just drinking and just causing a ruckus and this and that. So that's that was one of the funny stories that I remember from.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:52

I do remember that. I remember sitting in that nice ass restaurant by the bar, just feeling totally out of place, just fucking being loud and obnoxious and laughing and drinking and shit. Yeah. Just a bunch of rich ass boomers everywhere. Do you uh do you ever talk to Valdo anymore? Nah, bro. I haven't talked to him probably longer than you.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:09

Yeah, same here. He he like disappeared at all our friends that we had that were mutual friends. I for the most part, they all say they have not heard from him either. So it's like, I don't know what I know he he got married. Um but I I dude, I have not talked to him since he moved out of your apartment since the last time I talked to him. Wow. When you guys lived together. So that was the last time that ever because after that he kind of cut connections with us. I remember.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:33

Yeah, I don't blame him for cutting connections with us, to be honest with you. He was he was dead set on being successful, going to call finishing college, and he wanted the American dream, basically, and we wanted the rock star dream.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:46

So uh we probably were not a very good influence for him.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:49

No, I and I think I think back, like I think back, like we did we we did probably piss him off a lot because I know he was working, and then we'd have parties there at the house, and I I feel bad, like and then he'd hit on our chicks that we brought. Dude, uh yeah, I remember that. I remember one time he got really pissed off because I had someone in his room and we're just hanging out. Oh yeah, and he got fucking mad about that. And I always laugh because I remember I I was such a jackass. I would get up on the table that we all wrote on the beer punk table, and I'd be like screaming my balls off to music and shit, and he'd get so pissed off. Get off my fucking table, blah blah blah blah. And like there was a couple times he actually kicked me out because I I think I crossed the line a couple of times and fucking uh he he's like, You gotta leave, you're not welcome here for the rest of the night.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:33

So I don't think we ever got in a fist fight. You and I know.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:36

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:37

No, him, me and him too. But hey, you did fuck my ear up for life. You know that? How? How I'm I'm jumping ahead a couple years to 2008 right here. But we were at my other townhouse apartment that I had with my ex, and I remember I had a little pool table, and it was just a bad idea. I got a half gallon. It was me, you, and nasty Nate.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:59

Wait, okay, okay. I remember there was a big brawl that you, the three of us had, and I don't remember why it happened.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:04

Uh, he was mad because I think I probably stole his girlfriend, and then you you were me and you were just, I don't know, we were we were just looking for a fight or something that night. It was just rowdy. We were playing pool and uh egging each other on, and I was like talking shit to you, you were talking shit to me, and then I was like, it got to the point where I was like, do something. And you were across from me because we're playing pool, and you chucked your cocktail glass and it hit me right in the fucking head, right in the shit, right in the top of my ear, and it split my the top of my ear open like uh a good half inch to an inch.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:37

I vaguely remember that, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:38

Yeah, it was one of those heavy cocktails with the the bottom of the glass is super thick. Um and uh I didn't fix it, I didn't get stitches or nothing, so I've had this like minor deformity, which I think looks pretty cool, actually. It's like a battle scar.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:51

That is wild, dude. I so I always remember that night and fucking I mean, I don't remember it, but I remember that we for whatever reason we hadn't hung out for a long time and we decided to fucking hang out because it had been it was it was abnormal for us not to hang out like every day, and we had gone like maybe a month or two without hanging out, and so the three of us decided to get together, we got a bunch of booze, and we were watching the Pantera, the DVDs that we used to love to watch.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:15

We were invoking the old times.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:17

Yes, yes, and we're and we were watching back the uh the old POS videos from fucking Oh yeah, dude. From the old apartments and shit. So I I just remember that there was a fight afterwards, and after we all like were like we were like, oh shit, we crossed the line. Like I think everyone here had fucking just got too drunk and we got in a fight, and I just don't remember it all going down exactly how it did, but it's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:39

This is what happens if you put us in a little confined space like that with the bottle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:44

Bad bad bad shit happens like when when you obviously you're in that self-destructive mode.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:50

Let's go back a little bit, right? So I'm gonna lead it up to the when right before we uh stopped talking to each other. Um this was back, okay. Yeah, around the same time. So that that time was just so rowdy, 05, 06, 07, that you know it couldn't last forever, obviously. But we s we formed that that cover band, a motor grader, and it just naturally started turning into something else. Is is the more musicians we got, yeah? Yep. And all of a sudden, our project turned into like three guys, three musicians that were playing instruments, like writing songs together, and then we were the vocalists, and they were like, they they basically took all the power of the band, of course, right? Yeah, because they're writing the fucking music. Yeah, and so we we tried it, we tried to lay uh vocals, double vocals down on some of the material they were making, and it just you wanted to go a different way, they wanted to do like technical death metal, and so this is I think when you first started forming AOD was around this time.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:51

Well, I well, I took a break from music. So after that didn't work out, after that didn't work out, remember I started bartending and I dedicated all my life to bartending for like a good year and a half or so. And um I kind of stayed like uh dude, it consumed my life. I remember I was working there sometimes 14 hours a day, and the days you make money are on the weekends, so that's exactly when shows would be happening. So I like completely had no social life other than working at the bar. But I do remember you, you guys uh formed a Kuma from there. I think we had actually it was a Kuma still when I was when I was jamming with you guys. But then, like you said, you guys took it to another direction, and I was like, all right, well, that's fine. You guys you guys go that direction and do that. I'm gonna stick to what I'm doing with with work and and uh bartending. But I remember you guys uh you guys were playing fucking big shows and shit. Like you guys were opening up for national acts and playing rock and roll pizza on a regular, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:34:43

Yeah, so we put a lot of effort into that one back in the day. There was in being 23 years old or whatever, we still had a lot of passion and thinking we're gonna we could possibly make it. And making it back then was a lot different than now. Yeah, I think we would have done a lot fucking better now in these modern times with social media and everything. All we had was fucking MySpace, bro. And we didn't record shit. And it and one thing that kind of sucked back then as far as media and making your own content and stuff like that, is that we had these like crappy ass digital cameras that would take these like PP videos with with a shit mic that wouldn't capture audio very well. And uh so you just had to know somebody with a fucking professional camera. It's a hand camp trying to get a recording.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:26

It was like a hand camera we'd have to get like you'd get better audio out of that, but yeah, you're right. The those pixelated fucking foot, there's pixelated footage that it would capture and it would fucking like the audio for whatever reason would sound like it was like nails on a on a chalkboard.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:39

Yeah, and and what sucks is unfortunately we just didn't care that much, dude, about recording things. And so I don't have a lot of recorded content. I have like a couple concerts on YouTube uploaded from that band. But it's just tragic to me because there was a lot of good music that we made. It was very technical. Those musicians were fucking insane. You guys toured, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:35:59

You guys toured?

SPEAKER_01 1:35:59

Yeah, we did a I think we did two tours. Yeah, we did two tours. What was that like? Oh fuck. You have some stories. Oh, yeah, of course, dude. Um, well, this is when I really started to hit a wall with my alcoholism. The alcoholism became infused with playing music, and uh I mean, I can't really say that. I mean I was drinking every day no matter what, no matter what the fuck I was doing. But uh so I went on the first tour and I actually got really sick a couple days in. It was the winter, and we were we went down to to Cali and and the whole West Coast tour type thing, and ended up catching this fucked up respiratory uh infection, and uh actually had to sit out during one of the shows, and I and I was just so fucked up, I was drinking and sick. And I remember watching my bandmates playing without me on stage, like one song in, and it just fucking drove me insane. So I ran and jumped on the stage and just actually was able to scream through the sickness. I had lost my voice, bro, but it came back just for the set. It was like God help me or something with that one. But I ended up finishing that tour, and that tour really fucked me up health-wise. From the alcoholism was getting real now because I was drinking every day.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:07

You guys are ballsy for going out in the winter. Like, winter is not a time that like that's in a van, yeah. In a van, that's dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:14

The second tour we went on, this is when shit was getting a little more advanced and crazy. We went with Still Dead for a West Coast tour and went over to Nevada after California and then back up into California. I don't I guess I think we went up to Washington, I don't remember. But uh, so we took an RV out there with uh the blessing of Kyle's father, right? And uh and it was just fucking insane. And that's where I can honestly say that my alcoholism switched over to opiates. Um while we were in California, all of a sudden I I woke up, bro, and I couldn't lift my head up. I had fucked my neck up from because I go I just thrash the shit out of my neck. I don't stretch before shows, shit like that. I just do push-ups, right? And head down. And I drink whiskey and smoke cigarettes, that's all I do. And fucking, yeah. So I lift my I try to lift my chin up and my head would start bobbling and shaking uncontrollably until I put my head back down and then it would stop. And I was like, what the fuck is this, right? It was like I fucked some nerves up or something. I don't know if it was related to the back injury or not, but uh one of the guitar players, God bless his soul, was uh he was uh he had a little pharmacy that he was carrying around with him. And he's I would never forget this. It was like out of a movie. It was like super uh imprinted in my consciousness forever. This was the defining moment that would redirect my life for fucking 20 fucking years or whatever. So he comes back there and he's like, here, take this. It'll make the pain go away. And I look up and it's just a white pill. And I didn't know it at the time, but that was methadone. And all I know is, bro, at the time it did take the pain away. I was able to finish the tour. In fact, I wouldn't, I didn't want to drink on these pills, right? And it took the pain away. And I didn't black out and make everybody hate me, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:38:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:58

Because I was pulling a Randy Blythe back then, I'd get fucking blacked out and then like start shit with people. And that's not good with 11 dudes on a fucking RV.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:06

Oh no, hell no.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:07

Plus, we had a keg in the shower and shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:10

Holy shit. Yeah, yo, fuck a keg in the shower while you guys were Did you guys have a driver?

SPEAKER_01 1:39:15

Oh yeah. And there was a couple of us that were sober for the most part. Like Torrin was driving and Rama were driving. And uh they would actually, I don't know if they were sober, but they didn't they didn't crash. So it's all the matter, dude. But uh yeah, so what's crazy, I'll just say this real quick. The morning I left to go on tour, bro, with my luggage in hand, I was gonna go catch the bus to go meet up with the guys in the RV. I had a suspicion my girl was fucking around on me, and uh I just said, fuck it, just look. So I grabbed her old school Nokia phone, and there it is in the inbox. I read that the morning leaving for tour, bro. I found out I was being cheated on. And it put a nasty taste in my mouth. And then the first thing I did once I got on the RV was just start pounding beers from that keg. I fucking blacked out right away. Woke up and we were stuck in the middle of the desert in Nevada, dude. They all we had was a Garmin back then and uh GPS for the youngins. That's what a Garmin is. And uh, so I woke up to this shit, and back then I was like obsessed with the Hills Have Eyes movies. Oh, yeah. I just loved old school horror movies back then. I was like, the hill, they're watching us, the hills have eyes. I went in this like weird drunk psychosis and was all paranoid. And they're like, what the fuck? This is the guy we gotta be on the fucking tour with every day. So like, but but people that knew me was like, nah, that's just Jag. He's just you know, that's he's just he's just gotta find his, you know, niche or whatever. He'll be alright. But yeah, the first night was fucking hectic. That tour was actually pretty epic though. Um, there wasn't very good promotion on the on the promoter's end, but so I came back addicted to fucking opiates. I kicked methadone in a fucking in a week's time and then uh slowly got back on oxies, dude, and strayed away from the alcohol and went head first into pills. And this was this this is what sucks with that Akuma band. We did start getting attention, namely with uh Sumerian records and uh because they were signing like death core, yeah. That was technical death metal shit like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:11

That time frame that you guys were around. I remember that was uh that was a style of music that like that I wouldn't say it was trendy, but it was definitely the music that most people that were metal heads were listening and gravitating towards.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:21

It was it was trending a little bit for sure. Um because it was new and it was refreshing, I guess you could say.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:27

People were tired of the metal core, so the death core had that fucking like it had that evilness to it that that was missing in metal.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:35

Exactly. And I always we weren't a death core band, we were more of a tech death band. And so I still had a little elitism in me, like fuck core, fuck trendy shit. I'd even wear shirts on stage. I had this cattle decapitation shirt that said like uh was talking shit about core on the back. And I would always say, Don't do none of that stupid fucking hardcore dancing when I was on the mic. I was like old school moshing, old school slam dancing only. Like I this I forgot to say I was also a fucking total egotistical dick on the mic. I had this like uh had this like pro wrestler kind of ego where I was just like talking shit constantly to the crowds. I was almost got into fight several times. I'd I'd say like religious polarizing things.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:17

That was part of your charm though. I think that that definitely like made gave you the the gave you the character that people love to see on stage, you know, like especially as someone like like myself. I always in the movies I was rooted for the bad guy. I loved the bad guys of anything and fucking I definitely would egg it on, but like for for myself as well, I feel like I've always been kind of a villain. I've always been a villain, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with because people that truly know me know that I'm just I like to poke the bear, but at the end of the day, I don't give a fuck like if you agree or don't agree with me or if we think differently, I can still be your friend, you know what I mean? Um, and I think I I think that that's kind of how you always were too, because I knew that some of the shit you'd say, you felt yes, you did feel it. It was real and it was true, but I knew also that you were Jason that if I hung out with you and we thought differently, we'd find reasons to talk and hang out and like find common ground on versus focusing on the shit that we didn't agree on or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:11

My number one thing is that neither of us ever really hated anybody, or there was no malice in our hearts about anything. We just had really powerful beliefs.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:20

I think you know what it is, dude? It's the people that we grew up listening to and idolizing and shit from from everything like you said, wrestling to like the Pantera, fucking Phil and Salmo, Randy Blythe, like those type of frontmen and the shit like the TV, the TV shit that we grew up with.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:34

And so people the 90s movies and 80s movies with the fucking I just watched Blood Sport again, by the way, this morning. I just love that old school, masculine, fucking just powerful, provoking frontmanship for the stage presence. And I feel like that's what's missing these days.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:52

I was about to just say that right now. So, like people like you and I, and like the people that grew up in our era, they we are looked upon as villains, especially in today's world, because everyone is so fucking soft, dude. Like anything and everything offends everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:07

And so you could call us you could call us millennials, but I think we're more like Gen Xers.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:12

That's just the way we were raised, really. I always tell people that I'm like, I I I would say that we're more Gen X because of the just the way that we grew up. Like you said, you grew up with people hanging out with people that were two to four years older than you. I was the same way. That's I think that's why I was friends with you too, because you were older than me, not by much, but like you were a year older or two years older than me. Um, but I also grew up with like my cousins and my friends were always older, and so I would get to to witness like how they lived and the shit that they watched. And I'm dude, I'm still the same way. I I love 80s movies and 90s movies, action movies, that kind of shit. We don't have any of that nowadays that you could pick up and watch and you're like, Yeah, it's got that old vibe.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:53

This podcast has been very very friendly for everyone at this point, but I mean I could go off forever and get deep about geopolitical events and all that polarizing shit, and even into some crazy conspiracy theories.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:06

I would love to hear it. I would love to honestly, there's no there's no fucking limits. The only thing I like to tell people is on the podcast, I'm like, I'd prefer if you don't talk about politics just because there's already enough of that shit out there that and it just makes people instantly, if you're on one side or the other side, the other side's gonna shut down and be like, well, fuck that podcast or fuck that person because they think this way. So I'm like, let's try to avoid that if possible. But I love quote unquote conspiracies. I love talking about like real shit like that because I think you and I, dude, I was just gonna say, I remember back in the day, you and I would be um out on your porch drinking beers, but we'd always talk about the crazy shit that was going on around the world um from the wars that were going on. And we would talk about like shit that we would see on the news and then we'd find on YouTube and science stuff too.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:54

We'd fucking get all hypothetical about what black holes are and weird shit like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:59

And we were called conspiracy theorists back then, but then like fast forward fucking years later, almost 20 years later, all this shit's coming to light, and it's like, oh really, we weren't the fucking the crazy ones. We were just we just found the information being the crazy guys that we go to. Yeah, we watched YouTube videos and we'd fucking go down those rabbit holes and shit like that. So uh definitely don't hold back, don't hold back.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:19

Let me finish, let me go back and tie it up real quick. So at this point, this is what sucked about that band Akuma to take you back there to finish it off with a nice bow tie. We were just not, I don't think it was meant to be, bro, but we were getting making headway, making contacts, playing good shows. There was talk of a scout from Sumerian Records, and then my my drummer Gabe just he wanted to move and he moved to Sacramento or California, San Diego, I think, is where he moved to, if I'm not mistaken. But that broke up the band, and then I just went, I just went head first into like straight nihilism, hedonism, and really started fucking drinking. My balls off. I started working at a liquor store, and that's when I had a failed suicide attempt, and thank God it didn't work out, but I really tried it, man, and I cut my wrists. I was just sick of the alcoholism, man. It was the demons, bro. They started to win because I was sick of waking up and not being strong enough to stay sober. But I'd have the shakes every day, so I would drink, and then getting the job, dude, at the liquor store. Um, I had access to free liquor because of mislabeled products, broken labels on products. There was like a free box. And so I just went off the deep end and taking it back to fucking rum, dude. I had a half gallon of uh spiced rum. That shit's evil, probably.

SPEAKER_04 1:47:36

It is, dude. It is fucking bad. It's the deep it's the devil.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:39

Yeah. So I I ended up waking up and I was like, I can't go to work and have the shakes. You know, I get social anxiety and shit when I go through alcohol withdrawal. So I was just like, fuck it. I started drinking this shit, and I ended up just keep drinking. Then I didn't go to work, and then I was like, fuck this. I'm just gonna kill myself, dude. I can't do this anymore. So I took out my pocket knife and I just started hacking at my wrists. And uh I thank fucking God, you know, because in the movies and in culture and everything, they always show the people cutting horizontally, right? Yeah. And so I thought that's how you do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:10

I know I'm getting a little dark here, but no, no, it's like, I mean, you're you're being you're being authentic, and I fucking love that shit, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:17

I you're being real, so it was just a pivotal moment for me, but um, I just there's so much blood everywhere, and I was like, oh god, they're gonna have to clean up this mess. So I pulled out this big cardboard box and just leaned over and it just filled it up with blood and uh passed out. I cut deep into my tendons and everything and slashed some big veins, but my girlfriend at the time actually was worried about me. She didn't hear about me. People were looking for me, and she ended up, I locked the door and she ended up kicking it in. And she she fucking carried me out of there, dude, like half conscious, and then took me to put her, put me in her car, took me to Ride Aid or Walgreens, bought a bunch of bandages and shit, took me to her house, put me in her fucking bed, bandaged me up, and just nursed me back to health for like a week or two. And I even crawled out of bed at one point over to the under the bathroom sink and drank fucking scope mouthwash, thinking that it would help the fucking uh withdrawal. This is rock bottom, dude, right here. You didn't even have the right alcohol in it, right? Like I was just fucked. And uh anyway, so that started the new phase. She was a lawyer. That's when we moved into that duplex. And this around the time I started Wild War Canary with Rommel, and this time it was not about trying to fucking get signed, it wasn't about any of that bullshit, it wasn't about egos, it was about just having fun, and that's what we why we formed Wild War Canary, and it was like the content was like based on old school, frash kind of mindset, like 80s uh gore movies and zombies stuff, and and just fucking drinking and partying and shit like that. And it ended up just taking off. So, anyway, fast forward, we started linking up and playing shows with you and your band AOD at the time. I think we played one.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:03

That was our first show ever. And I think that was your guys' first show ever, too, is what uh Justin told me. Which is fucking nuts when it just shows shows you that life, you know, there's these circles that happen, and fucking that was a moment that just like how the fuck like does that even happen? But my brother was getting evicted from his house, so he decided to throw a double kegger, and he's like, fuck it, let's just make our first show a house party. And I remember uh we couldn't find any bands that wanted to play because we were just starting out. And I remember someone's like, Well, hit up fucking uh Jason's band. Uh they haven't played a show yet, but they'd be they'd probably be down. I heard that we hit you guys up that morning, and that's how like just you guys were like, fuck it, let's do it. And you guys just packed up, showed up, and fucking you guys played first, and then we played next, and that that was a wild party as well. But it's crazy to think that that was your guys' first show and our first show. And then I I remember we did play a number of shows after that together. Uh do you remember?

SPEAKER_01 1:50:59

What was that fucking venue over by the river in Salem? That was a trip.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:03

That was the old stars. That was called the um Oh, that one too.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:06

Yeah. What's the other one?

SPEAKER_04 1:51:08

Uh that was the um you're talking about the wasteland, the wasteland.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:11

Yeah, that's together a little bit, yeah. Yep. We played cool little venue.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:16

We played the old stars together, I remember. We played uh the wasteland a couple times with you guys. We played uh Silverton. We played Silverton, I think, with you guys before too, a couple of times. That was the last time I saw you.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:27

That's what I wanted to tie it off with right there. Was that at this time I was actually addicted to methadone.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:34

I got off alcohol and uh and I didn't know that because you and I, for whatever reason, we weren't hanging out as often. I think I was just busy with the band and you were busy with your band.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:44

Because back then, dude, we were jam, we were practicing like three days a week and then playing shows on the weekend, right? Yeah. So, like, yeah, we just kind of split ways at this point because we're so obsessed with our projects, and uh, and all I did if I wasn't playing music, bro, was just getting fucking blacked out, like getting fucked up, listening to music at home, writing material or whatever. I was the same way, so yeah. So the that this is what's weird is for some fucking reason I was snorting my methadone pills in the end there, which was dumb as fuck. I think they cut it with a sedamenophon or something like that. But what it did was it ended up giving the me the most insanely brutal migraines when I would go to do my vocals. Um bad that I would literally like fall to my knees and vomit. Um, I don't know why. Once again, it's just that self-destructive, stupid shit I was on to back then. So that's what happened. That last show in Silverton, that migraine shit hit me, and I fucking walked off stage and I went around the corner outside and I just fucking threw up the contents of my stomach, and I sat there and I was like, have my girl come pick me up. And I was fucked up and I felt really bad about that. But that was the night we broke up in the band because Drayton's like, fuck this, you know, I'm out, I can't deal with the second time I walked off stage because of this. The other time was in Seattle or something, so I don't blame him for that.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:06

Was that the last time you ever played a live show?

SPEAKER_01 1:53:12

Maybe. I think so. Wow. I could be wrong, but I think you're I think I think it is, and that's really fitting that it was in the town I grew was raised. That's so weird.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:21

Yeah. Do you miss uh do you miss playing music at all?

SPEAKER_01 1:53:24

Uh yeah, I do a lot, bro. I still keep up with uh what are you listening to?

SPEAKER_04 1:53:28

What do you what are you listening to? Like what is Jason and 20 fucking 26 blasting?

SPEAKER_01 1:53:33

Well, a lot of old school shit. So I actually bit made a make a lot of playlists and stuff like that. You can find it on my YouTube channel, but at Plaza Bourne369 on YouTube. But uh I listen to a lot of slowed stuff. So I use uh YouTube music because you can access demos and literally everything on the internet as far as music. It's way better than Spotify. And so what I've been doing, I'm obsessed with going back and finding old school songs from my childhood and uh searching out a slowed version with reverb on it, and it's just fucking dude, the vibe is incredible. So I just I listen to a lot of that, a lot of uh gruns, like Soundgarden, and I I've been listening to Lip Biscuit this morning, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:54:13

I love the biscuit. I love the biscuit. Uh, what do you mean by what do you what do you mean by slowed? Do you mean like just like the literally slowed down?

SPEAKER_01 1:54:19

Like people are editing old songs and putting a little reverb and slowing it down a little bit. What does it do? And it makes the voice a little deeper. It's just fuck, I gotta send you a sample. Um, for example, I've been listening to uh the song from Mr. Mr. Broken Wings. Take these broken wings. Oh, yeah, yeah. And learn to fly. He's like, take these broken wings, and it's like fucking mix the synth pop with the reverb, and it's it's just crazy atmosphere, dude. So I've just been obsessed with that kind of shit lately.

SPEAKER_04 1:54:53

Yeah, I'll have to check that out. Send send me the links because I would love to check it out.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:57

For sure. And then I listen to a lot some atmospheric black metal, still, old school death metal, and believe it or not, I still listen to a lot of like Whitechapel and old school death core. I I'm not this is gonna sound elitist, but it's just what social media has done, bro, to media, period, and music specifically, but I just feel like everything's been fucking done, done over a million times, and everyone's just regurgitating the same shit. And so there's a lot of people just going getting nostalgic, wanting the old times, you know what I mean? It's like a nostalgia epidemic for millennials, you know, pre-9-11.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:31

And you can get deep on the psychology behind that, MK Ultra and all that shit. But I seriously feel like we are held back. We're like in a loop, uh like a time loop right now. Like humanity was destined to evolve beyond this current matrix, but we're being held back. So you're gonna see a lot of shit just loop endlessly, like as far as culture, style, aesthetics, music, clothing. Because I honestly feel like we were supposed to go to the stars by now, bro. We were supposed to like have our psyches unlocked, our spiritual powers unlocked. A lot of technology was supposed to be come out of disclosure, and then I just feel like it's being held back and kind of manicured the timeline for humans. So that manifests itself in society and in culture as far as music as like just regurgitated shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:19

What do you think is what do you think is blocking it from moving forward?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:22

Like, why do you think it's the government just to like put a broad term on it, but it's deeper than that. Let's just get dark, let's get crazy right here. Yeah, let's go for it. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. I've just I've been I fell down the rabbit hole in 08 and I went all the way to the bottom of that motherfucker. I learned to astral project, I learned that we have all this dormant, innate DNA that can be activated, that we have these insane abilities, bro, as far as uh telepathy, uh remote viewing, like I said, astral projection. And it sent me on a path uh to find the answers to all of this. And it was very difficult and it almost killed me. So, this is what happened after my band broke up. I fell down the rabbit hole and it started with a CIA whistleblower video, and my whole paradigm was smashed completely from that video forward. I became obsessed with YouTube and these videos, like found out about 9-11, the origin of that, and and it just leads you down to an endless rabbit hole. And at the same time, I was learning and getting my entire paradigm destroyed. I was also going deeper down a path of self-destruction with narcotics. So I started doing heroin now and uh meth and shit like that. I was trying to find neutral, you know, I'd go do an upper or do a downer, do an upper or do a downer's, and uh it was just it was so archetypal, bro. It was basically to put it in a nutshell, the old me that was like a house of cards built on all these lies that I was told growing up needed to be destroyed. I had I needed an ego death. That makes sense to be able for the new me to kind of flower out and be reborn. So this process of destruction was dangerous as fuck, and it almost killed me. I almost overdosed and died one time. I hit the streets, I I went homeless, dude. Um, and it it gave me a little bit of psychosis. You know, I had my first out of body experience and it it just fucking blew my mind. And this is where I went, AWOL, stopped talking to you, stopped talking to my all my bandmates, all my friends. I know my entire life.

SPEAKER_04 1:58:16

I remember I remember you went missing, and people were like, I remember sharing the ad because people were freaking out. They're like, if you've seen him, he's missing, no one's heard from him, and like it got shared like it was getting shared like crazy on social media. Is this with the time frame that you're talking about?

SPEAKER_01 1:58:32

Yes, it was. So my my girl at the time was a lawyer, and we both just got strung out on heroin, and and I went deeper and deeper into what you would call a kundalini psychosis, because I just couldn't process the the insane information that I was learning at the time. So I went from like a nihilistic atheist, right, to learning that we're all one and there's all these hidden sciences. And what's what's crazy is I was such a skeptic, bro, and that's what made me an atheistic nihilist, because I didn't believe the religious BS. I didn't believe a lot of the mainstream science BS. But when I started finding out about things like plasma physics and sound and vibration and frequency and the stuff Tesla was onto with wireless, transmittable energy and uh how everything's electro-tonal, right? And this is why I was so obsessed with music my whole life and being a musician, right? Because it gave me that, those chills. It gave me fucking life. And there was a reason for that. Um, it's called a bliss charge implosion. So basically, I was I was finding out, I went falls deep, bro, in this hidden science. And I found out that we do have this biofield, this electromagnetic field around our bodies that and it's emanating out from our heart and our brain. Those are the two biggest sources of the EM field. But it's honestly broken up into this coil, like a Tesla coil, right down the center of your body. And it's got two major currents, electromagnetic currents, one positive, one negative, and they just intertwine right up through the center of your body and connect into your brain lobes. They go all the way down to your feet, up into your brain lobes. And I'm sure you've noticed, but you're you're literally split into two. You got a left brain, a right brain, a left eye, a right eye, right? Two arms, two legs. Well, I found out the electromagnetic mechanism behind this, and I just became obsessed, bro. This was what I was searching for my entire life. It's gonna give me the meaning of life, right? And I started turning it on, bro. It turns out this shit is like dormant. It pumps and compresses electrical charge through it. It's like this spin implosion mechanism right through the center of your body. The your heart is like a pump, a vortex pump for structured water, dude. It's really crazy. It's not just pumping blood, it's pumping water. I'm sure you've heard that we're 80 to 90 percent water, right? Yep, yep. Well, there's a structured water in your body, and it's being pumped, dude, and by your your heart in this electromagnetic field. And and once this this pump turns off, it turns out it turns off your fucking powers too, your gifts, and not only your psychic gifts and all that, but it turns off your health. And it's like the salt water battery is a is the best way I can really put it. And you only got so much battery life, my man. And we we we charge it with sleep, okay, and with food. So I was coming to realize, oh my God, we have this salt water battery in us um through this electromagnetic field, this biofield. I'm gonna turn this motherfucker on, hell or high water. I don't give a shit what happens to me. Everyone, all the occult information I was reading was like, don't do it unless you're ready. It can send you into the pits of hell. You'll start seeing demons, you know what I mean? You'll lose your fucking mind. And I was just like, fuck it. This is the only thing that matters to me. I have to do this. And that's why I went so off the deep end, bro. And I went and I stopped paying bills, stopped working, drug addiction got worse, and I all of a sudden, before I knew, I was homeless. And so I almost died on the streets and just trying to fucking survive. And I had to kick dope on the streets, bro, cold turkey, and it was a fucking nightmare. And I racked up a bunch of charges because I kept stealing maul liquor from the store and getting in fights and stuff, and I racked up charges, but God was watching over me and a guardian angel in the hospital after seeing me come through the fucking ER from alcohol poisoning and injuries and shit like that. Like fucking four or five times, she finally was like, fuck this. I put your paperwork through. Um, because there was like some insurance bullshit, because I I had insurance that was registered in Jefferson County, not variant county, so they wouldn't let me in the fucking inpatient rehab because of that. But uh she pushed my paperwork through and saved my fucking life, bro. And that's when some this badass chick that I met in rehab took a selfie with me, put it on her Facebook, and that's how everyone found me. Come to find that I was missing, there was missing post posters all over the city and shit.

SPEAKER_04 2:02:44

I I remember that. I was scared for you, dude. I was like, dude, what the fuck? Like, no way. Like, because I I just couldn't believe it. I was just like, um, what the fuck is going on? Like, this can't be good if he's missing. Because I I've always known you like since I've known you, you've been one of those guys that you figure it out, you know. Oh my god, yeah. You had close calls for sure, but you bounce back up and then you come out better at the end of it. And fucking so when I saw that, I was like, oh, this is not good.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:12

This was the big one, man. This is the archetypal uh Dark Knight of the Soul. I was like 27, 28 years old right here, and it was just the old me needed to die off, or that nihilistic, pessimistic, self-destructive bastard needed to die, and it was not a clean kill. It was a drawn-out fucking nightmare that I learned so much through, and it gave me like endless gratitude, bro. Because no matter how bad my life gets now, I always have those memories of that time period to look back on and be like, well, it ain't like that, and it's never gonna get as bad as that. So it like it just woke me up. It was what I needed in it. And but yeah, I relapsed one more time after that, and uh I relapsed three times, you know, third time's a charm, and there's a magic behind that number three. So I I tell people like this, don't feel bad if you relapse, you know. Um, you think about the energy in your life like a momentum. Think about it like a rubber band that was pulled back into hell and negativity, right? You were pulled back in that resonance in that direction. Well, what happens when you let go of that darkness? The tension, the energy needs to kind of reverberate, right? Forward, backward, forward, backward. But the more it reverberates, the more it finds balance and until it becomes still. And and so I I look at my re my relapse is kind of like that. I mean, like I just needed to bounce back and forth a little bit and to find equilibrium. Um, and so this is where shit got real. So remember, I told you about the the hidden powers in our body with this electromagnetic field and all this. I'm sure you've heard of chakras before, the Indian Vedic culture. Well, motherfucker, they're real. And mainstream science has been hiding this shit. But there are scientists from like 1920s, dude. Sam Russell, I think, was a German physicist, electrical engineer. Walter Russell. Walter Russell. He fucking mapped it all out back then. And a lot of this shit was buried by the Rockefellers, dude. We we were really taken over by these bloodlines back then during the Industrial Revolution and especially after the world wars. The whole world's a stage. I'm not going to go into all that shit and the religious bullshit and all that geopolitical shit. But let's just say some really dark forces have been in control of humanity for thousands of years. They are totally aware of cyclical events and how the how we're kind of in a galactic alignment with our central sun or the black hole in the center of the Milky Way galaxy. All these planetary bodies are connected by these big filaments of energy called plasma filaments. And all this energy kind of manipulates and motivates humans because we're connected to these currents through our star, through the sun. Um, the sun is is uh is the reason why we have the weather, dude. And that's another thing that's hidden in mainstream science, um, is that the sun is everything. It's uh literally shoots a solar flare, a big old plasma at us, charged energy, hits the ionosphere, Earth's bioelectromagnetic field, hits the magnetosphere, as it's called, and it compresses through the ion through the ionosphere into the equator, a large portion of this charge. And that's why you get your hurricanes, bro. They spin off in little vortices off the center of the earth. And that's why you never get hurricanes in your North Pole or South Pole. But then the rest of the energy goes into the North Pole and the South Pole, and that you see that is the northern lights or the aurora.

SPEAKER_05 2:06:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:30

So this energy is the reason everything is fucking alive and animated on this planet. And you have the ability, bro, to harness it and pull it manually into your biofield, into your biology, and heal yourself. It is the same energy that you feel when you fucking orgasm. Okay. The sexual life force. There's so many fucking names for it, bro. But I started learning how to like do this, bro. Like, oh my God. And I, it just caught momentum. And I ended up having what's called a kunalini rising. Okay. So it turns out if you start stimulating these currents in the body and these chakras and you get them to start spin-inploding this charge, it just ignites this electrical ball in the base of your spine and your sacrum and your cerebrospinal fluid. And that motherfucker climbs up the spine and it just climbs those currents, a positive and negative currents. It climbs them just like the staff of the caduceus, man. Those bloodlines put it everywhere in the symbolism in our in our world. You know what I'm saying? The medical, you see them on ambulances and shit.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:31

Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:32

Yeah. So it's the staff of the caduceus or the staff of Hermes. So it goes up, this electrical energy goes up, and then it zeros out or implodes into the center of the brain, dumps a bunch of DMT, and you fucking shoot out of your body, bro, into another dimension. Okay. And so I this started happening to me. And imagine all this is happening to you while you were, you know, strung out from drugs and just trying to stay sane and act like, you know, because I just got off the streets and everything and all this crazy shit and all this legal trouble. So everyone's looking at me with a magnifying glass, seeing if I'm gonna fucking snap or get in trouble. You know, it was it's been very hard since then. That was 2017 to kind of find grounding and not go off the deep end and stay sane and go to work, right? And care about all this mundane bullshit, yeah, like paying bills and all that. But it's been a hard process, but I managed to get clean once that charge blew the top of my head off, bro. And it was it was a pivotal moment. It leveled me up. I was 33 years old and uh it changed me forever. And uh my empathy, I always had empathy, but it skyrocketed. It went off the charge then. And that's when I I knew that I was here for a bigger purpose. I was here to teach this to other people, and in doing so, would heal myself of the past trauma that I went through.

SPEAKER_04 2:08:50

I love that. I love that you found something that you're excited about, dude, and that's that's healing and that you're helping others too. Because I like I said, I I was able to briefly go through some of your videos on once I found you on because you just your reel just came up randomly on my page. I'm like, holy shit, like that's Jason. Like, I didn't know you were like I didn't had no idea that you're on social media anymore. But hearing that you're passion about this and that you're learning about this stuff, that I 100% believe everything you're saying right now. People uh that are in power don't want people like you and I to know of this information that's out there and how you know this this how you can do these kind of things. I don't know anything about it, so it's I love hearing you talk about it because now I now I want to start digging into it a little bit more. I've always heard about the chakras and I've heard about uh using your third eye, but that how how do you how you you're able to do that? Do you meditate a lot?

SPEAKER_01 2:09:42

So this is kind of like my mission here. Like I said, the the the magic number is three, right? I'm sure you've noticed that duality is a huge thing in our dimension, uh in our universe, right, with men and women. Well, it's not just duality, it's a trinity. Back to the number three. So it's man, woman, child. And I'm sure you've noticed that the universe expresses itself in mathematics and in geometry. If you look at nature and and the way that that it manifests itself all around us, yeah. Well, man, woman, child, also, like I said before, electrotonal, uh positive, negative, neutral, right? So that's really the key right there. And this trinity manifests itself right up to the center of your body space. So you're you're your bi they even call it biology, too, right? Whenever you activate these currents and bring them into a uh zeroed out state, they literally bust a fucking zero point portal electromagnetically in your in your energy field and create what's called a chakra or a torus field. So as far as electrical engineering is concerned, this is this expresses it yourself, expresses itself in the in the middle of your body as a as a coil of resistors, electrical resistors. And there's seven major ones, okay, from root to crown. Well, this is like, I feel like why I'm here is that this information's been out the whole time, but it's been in the form of a cult, symbolism, and ancient kind of esoteric uh information. A lot of it was accurately maintained for thousands of years in the Hindu Ayurvedic culture, like chakra, for example, is what they call it, but that's that's another word for chakra or spinning wheel. But a lot of this information was was hidden by the Roman Catholic um church, the fucking Vatican, and then aggressively by the Rockefellers and the bloodlines from the West. Okay, so we were all we were never given this information, but it was it was kept underground in mystery schools and in secret societies and stuff like that, um, all the way back from ancient Egypt. Um, you know how they uh they put the snake on their forehead and those the pharaohs and shit? They got that like cobra coming out of the that that was to signify that these currents were active and that their pineal was. Activated. And so the snake in esoteric symbolism, it it symbolizes these currents of energy, dude. Um, and the spinal cord. So and the so it's been kind of misrepresented in uh mainstream religion and then to like scare people off from it, or what do you think it is? Exactly, dude. Exactly. I mean the Roman Catholic, I'm not gonna get in all that because we'll just piss people off that aren't ready to digest the information because cognitive dissonance is a bitch. But let's just say these ancient bloodlines have been in control to a greater degree, greater or lesser degree since ancient Egypt, dude. And and they've had these priest classes that kind of rule the kings and the monarchs and the nations and all that, kind of from the shadows. And it all just kind of went to another level during the Industrial Revolution when they started conjuring the electromagnetic influences of the planet Saturn, which rules materialism and arconic control structures like banking and law. And so that's where you really see shit getting built, the foundation of the matrix being built around us, around the industrial revolution, and this this worshiping of materialism, right? And there is no God, you know. They're like, oh, that's the middle middle ages taught us that superstition is fucking stupid, right? This is the age of enlightenment. We're gonna worship the intellect and materialism and science, right? So that became the god of the West since since the 1600s, um, or really since the late 1500s. But a lot of this information has just been hidden from us. Like the ancient Persians knew about all this stuff with Zoroastrianism, uh, you know, like I said, the Hindus and shit. And so it's just all coming out, bro, finally. So what's happening is it's a merger of those that threefold force, the three I told you about positive, negative, neutral. Not to stow get too deep into it, but the left brain is associated with masculine traits, namely science and math and shit like that, right? And then the right brain is more feminine, it's like art and abstract and creativity, music, shit like that, right? Well, you can everything manifest itself in this great trinity. And so religion is more of like a right brain trait, the dogma, and you know, they have to have a lot of faith, a lot of blind faith, and it's a little superstitious, right? It's not very tangible, it's not written out in stone like math, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:14:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:22

And or the left brain is associated with science. So you have people that go around their currents that run up through the middle of their body are polarized in one way or the other. A lot of people don't know this, but one current will be shut off, and this can create all kinds of health in the body. Like, for example, I have I have problems with my right side current, and then it it expresses itself in my life in many ways, and I'm working on trying to heal it. But uh, so the left brain's associated with like uh materialism worship. Oh, they're very atheistic, they worship the science. Oh, they so you have these forces playing out in humanity right now. These currents are basically God's turning them back on, bro. The sun's becoming more active, it's pumping in more charge with solar energy. It's it's trying to ground into the biofields of people and run through these currents. So it's creating all this uh psychopathy and fucking polarization in humanity. So that's why you're seeing the race stuff, the gender stuff, the religion stuff, the politics stuff. You notice that's all perfectly divisive and polarizing.

SPEAKER_04 2:15:22

Oh, very much so, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:24

So that's what the elites are trying to do is to keep us from imploding this energy and turning on our powers. So they that's why they they real you notice 2016 it fucking went to another level with polarization. And they started doing MK Ultra on the public and the media, and everyone started fucking hating each other and being in a constant state of anxiety and fear. You got people that are obsessed with the dogma of science, and then you got people that are obsessed with the dogma of religion. And so they're pitting these four these people against each other, divide and conquer, right? And uh, I I just feel like I my mission was to help people understand by by merging the left and the right brain together and these concepts of science and religion together. Because they weren't always so divided in the ancient past. Like I said before, with the mystery schools and the esoteric information, they had a perfect merger of science and religion in their in their information, their understanding of the world and God and all that. Not all of them, but a lot of them, like the ancient Egyptians and the ancient Persians, um the Greeks even, but man kind of strayed because, like I said, it's cyclical, and we kind of just ebb and flow, obsessing about the materialism, obsessing about the superstition.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:35

Distractions, dude. There's distractions. Like they they I mean, TV and social media has made it so easy for them to do that, especially now, like with like you said, dividing people and keeping the focus on materialistic shit. Like I can't have I literally can't have a conversation with my girlfriend without if I mention something next to you. Or even my uh my algorithms, my algorithms just feeds me all sorts of weird shit that just like why am I seeing this? Why am I getting this type of shit?

SPEAKER_01 2:17:14

Right? There's they're literally trying to take earth our control of our biofields currently. Um now they got through the I've seen the patent for 6G, it's able to manipulate brainwaves. That's scary shit. So they can take your fucking free will from you and make you go buy shit and do what they want you to do uh if they really wanted to. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 2:17:33

I don't know if this is coming with age or not, but sometimes I feel like I do things out of like um and and and as I've gotten older, I feel like I got like ADHD, ADD even more than ever before, because I have to keep myself busy. But sometimes I just act on instinct, and I'm like, and then I have to question myself, I'm like, why the fuck did I just do that? Or I'll be driving and I completely forget like that I'm driving, and then I'm like, okay, I gotta snap back into it. And I don't know what the fuck that is, but like I don't know if it's because I have so much shit gets getting fed into my brain constantly with between work and social media and band shit, life shit, like all the shit that I read about, and it just it blows my mind to think that I don't I don't know if it's coming with age or whatnot, but just that this stuff is out there like you're talking about that exists and information that's hidden from us. It's like how do you how do you practice this stuff to better be a better sense of it?

SPEAKER_01 2:18:25

Like what what's talk about let's talk about what you just talked about a little bit because that's so important because they want us divided right now, they want our attention just scattered everywhere, they want your attention at the phone and and just fucking torn into pieces in all different directions. So you can never really accomplish anything that has any meaning behind it. So the first thing we need to do is neutralize the biofuel. Think about it like this your body is like an astronaut suit for your consciousness. Neil plugs into the matrix by putting in the back of his cerebral cortex that fucking plug, and then he enters into the simulation. Um well, it's kind of like that for us, bro. And uh, if you ever start astral projecting, you're gonna find out it's just like that. So the you have another body, dude, that's that's made of this uh this electromagnetic energy, what's called the astral body, plugs into the fucking nervous system. The nervous system's like fiber optic wires. This fucking thing really is like a biological technology, this biology that we have. And we leave it every night, believe it or not, in our sleep and in states of meditation. Whenever you can turn off the nervous system, is when you're able to lift out. Okay. The problem is that if you have a low charge running through your biofield, you're not gonna be able to maintain lucid consciousness. So if you have a low battery on that salt water battery I told you about, you're gonna have a lower consciousness. So most people, when they shut off the physical body, their consciousness shuts off with it, okay? Or and they may have a little weird dream or whatever, right? Yeah and they won't remember much of it. Well, when you turn this motherfucker on and start pumping more charge through it, bro, you start staying awake while your physical body goes to sleep. Okay. And then that's when you learn how deep the fucking rabbit hole goes. Now you start lifting out of your physical body and into another dimension. And what people call the dream world is what the ancients call the astral world, which is really just a fourth-dimensional frequency band that's around our planet, just like the third dimension is a frequency band around our planet. So basically what happens is you're perceiving this dimension through your nervous system and your five senses. It's all electrical impulses that come into your nervous system and it stores in this biofield kind of like a cloud, okay? As electrical data. Well, that shit is gonna stay in there in the cloud unless you fucking ground it out. Because remember, it's electromagnetic, it needs to ground. So, this is the problem of disease right here for everybody. This is the problem for mental illness, everything, all disease. You're going around, you touch something, that's electrical information that goes through from your finger and your nervous system into your fucking brain. All this is data. Everything you hear, all that loud ass shit that we pumped in our brains on stage, all that was electrical impulse that went into our fucking field, bro, and rattled our biology. And a lot of it was out of tune and dissonant, too, right? Um, right? I never once wore earplugs.

SPEAKER_04 2:21:24

No me fucking- I still don't.

SPEAKER_01 2:21:26

Yeah, I hate earplugs. Yeah. So is it the information coming through your eyes, electrical data, your ears, your smells, your nose, your touch, your taste, right? Well, it turns out we got more senses than that, but just those five senses, all that data that comes in stores in your biofield into your astral body, okay? So you lift out of your physical body when it when your physical body gets put to rest. You lift out, and all that data starts grounding out of you and literally creates the dream. It's like a little simulation out of the astral matter, all this electrical data. So that's one of the biggest, most powerful, deepish things I could have ever told you right there.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:05

I'm getting chills just hearing that because that's fucking that sounds that sounds about right.

SPEAKER_01 2:22:10

So this is what's called karma.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:12

What is it that what is it that what is it though that makes our brain not rememberable? Because I don't I barely remember my dreams. And there's been dreams where I swear to God I'm like, I'm seeing myself from a third, like a third perspective view, but I can never see myself, if that makes sense. So I'm like, like where I'm I'm in the dream. Like, for example, I had a dream about my dad. My dad was young, he was playing drums and all excited about playing a show, and I could see myself I could see I could see it was me in the dream, but I couldn't see what I myself, and I was almost like from watching from like um from up above, if that makes sense. Although it makes perfect sense that's fucking weird as fuck, dude. I woke up with like like holy shit, I've never experienced that in my whole entire and I never dreamed my dad, but it was it was fucking wild. Like I've never had a quote unquote dream like that. Yeah. I wonder if that's maybe that that's relatable to what you're talking about here.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:05

Oh, totally. So many, many, many, many times I've experienced hovering over a third person kind of like a video game in the astral realm when I astro project. But my first the first thing I felt when you told me that was that your higher self's struggling to connect with you. Uh like I said before, it's an electromagnetic, electro-tonal simulation we're living in, right? Yeah. Well, you're you know when you're like searching for words, you look up. You ever notice that? How people like look up? Why do you think they do that? It's because they're looking for a ping. They're looking for a connection.

SPEAKER_05 2:23:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:35

It's all all this, everything that has ever happened. That's so fucking true.

SPEAKER_03 2:23:39

I'm doing it right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:40

Everything that's ever happened in the past or in the future is happening in the present. It's just this big cloud, like I said, of your house, like your biofield, that stores energy. And it has to do with with this with consciousness. But it all everything that all this information, all this electrical data is storing in this big cloud, what's called the Akashic Web or Akashic Record, or the Akasha. There's many names for it, but you can access it. And believe it or not, bro, you got a higher self, because we are multidimensional beings, it's sending down a transceivable signal of consciousness down into that little astronaut suit, into your biology. It's literally, we are connected like a fucking Starlink satellite sending a signal down to a cell phone. It's it's a signal of consciousness, and it's just a little bit, dude. Um, the real you, the real you, dude, is you in meditation that's totally blissed out in a state of neutrality. The real you isn't the the programs and the ego that you built from the last 40 years or whatever of being on Earth.

SPEAKER_03 2:24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:24:46

Um, so it's like it's like a character. A lot of this is analogous to uh technology because this technology that's on our planet can only ever mimic organic technology. So, like, think about Earth like an RPG video game. You know, in the beginning, you set your race, you set your attributes, your character, yeah, your skill set. It's the same fucking thing. We we pick where we're gonna incarnate, which parents, which family we're gonna come into, what for what mission purpose we're trying to accomplish, and we fucking catch a ride-in from these plasma filaments that are connected between the planets and the stars, and and we literally jump in like a wormhole, bro, like a video game, and just start a game from level one. And uh anyway, that stream gets fucking destroyed. That signal of consciousness gets not only does it get fucked up through uh falling and descending in from the light into matter, frozen light, like we're another thing. I gotta tell you is that we're liquid crystal beings. We're like a transceiver. It's like an antenna, like a Tesla coil, like I said before, with a salt water battery. And it's sending, receiving, sending, receiving, sending, receiving, breathing in and out, breathing in and out. How what do you do when you have sex? It's in, out, in, out. Yeah. So it's like we're pulling and sending, pulling in, sending out this electrical information, uh, this energy. It's not just orgasmic energy, it's not just life force energy, it's not just the energy that's helping your cells to function and transmit energy to each other. Um, it's not just the energy that's dysfunctioning your organs, it's not just the energy you feel when you bust a nut. It's also carrying the signal of consciousness, of lucid consciousness. So the more that you you bring into your field, the stronger that that signal gets with your higher self. And you'll literally be able to leave here, bro, and traverse the octave scale of reality. So, like I said before, it's electrotonal. It's like a sound octave scale of dimensions, of vibrating matter. Okay, and we've just been phase-locked. We jumped in here and they trapped us in immediately and cut the fucking signal. Guess what cuts the signal of consciousness? Trauma. Okay, so what do they do right out of the womb? I mean, they get you in the womb. What am I even talking about? They get you in the womb with pharmaceuticals.

SPEAKER_05 2:26:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:59

Um, and try so they get you get out of the womb and they cut your fucking dick off, right?

SPEAKER_05 2:27:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:27:04

Right away. And then they pump you full of vaccines. I was, I almost died as an infant out of the womb, dude. I got like some fucked up uh respiratory disease. Why do you think that was? And I think it was something to do with the vaccine schedule for sure.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:17

I was gonna say there's it probably something they pumped into you.

SPEAKER_01 2:27:19

Yeah, and then that there's no reason, there's no, you know why you know there's all these neurological disorders. Like basically, they fucked up all everyone's circuitry, everyone's nervous system that's that's trying to pump this charge and and hone this this higher self-consciousness. That's why you see the rise in autism goes hand in hand with the rise in vaccine. And it's only getting worse.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:39

It's only getting worse and worse, I think. I think it's they're putting more and more shit. Like everyone's like, oh, well, we just didn't know about that that information or that that stuff existed back then when you were younger, and or back in those days. I'm like, maybe some of that's true, but I think a lot of it's like, okay, well, we gotta we gotta pump these motherfuckers with, you know, this because we need to control them and we need to make sure that they, you know, like you're saying, with all the information that's out there now and people are discovering things like this, it makes them feel threatened because now you're being you're you're waking up to what's going on and you're finding out about things like this. How how often do you I know I asked the question of meditation. Do you meditate or how how often do you practice practice this? Is it like a daily thing that you do or that you work on, or how how exactly do you put yourself in this state to kind of it's it's there's levels to this shit, bro, but this is how I a big reason why I had my initial Kunalite rising, that ball of charge that climbed up my spine and changed me forever, was because I started meditating.

SPEAKER_01 2:28:39

Okay, when you meditate, it turns off the nervous system, and then that's what a lot of people call the in-between state you reach, where you like hear voices. A lot of people they ask questions and they get an answer, they talk to their guardian angel, they have spiritual experiences, they see energy spirals, or or they lift out of their body and start exploring. Uh, at first, I sucked at it and I fucking hated it, right? You're taught to like sit there in the lotus position, put your fingers together and don't say or feel it or think anything, right? And I just was like, fuck that. Like, I'm not gonna do that, I'm gonna be comfortable. And I, you know, at the time when I started, I was on heroin. So that it actually helped me talk about blessing in disguise. It helped me to relax. So this is I learned to meditate on heroin, bro. Fucking laying in bed. I would lay flat on my back and I listen to binaural beats because I I found out that you could manipulate and then train brain waves manually with bina with frequencies. So I started listening to these binaural beats to put my mind and my brain into a theta state. The theta brain wave is associated with uh meditative states. So I started manually entraining my brain, and then I started doing diaphragmic breathing. The diaphragmic breathing is the mechanism that's kind of compressing and filtering this energy through your biofield through your from your diaphragm, and it compresses it into the solar plexus and feeds these currents of energy charge. So the whole point here is to calm the nervous system, the circuitry, and then spread out the charge through the entire uh biology. Okay. And then that's when the dormant DNA and what are called chakras start to become active and stimulate it. And it takes, you know, it depends on the person, bro. Um, and it's not something you can you gotta believe it and you gotta really release into it and and you gotta have discipline. See, that's another thing I noticed is that God doesn't reward cowards, God doesn't reward lazy people. You're not just gonna, you know, be gifted heaven on a silver platter because you fucking got on your knees and recited a fucking scripture or whatever. You're gonna you actually have to heal yourself and and connect to God if you want to find God, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 2:30:47

So I agree.

SPEAKER_01 2:30:48

I agree. We all have it innate inside of us. It's actually scientifically explainable, believe it or not, how you're connected to God, but it's through a toroidal implosion. Once you get this biofield spin imploding this charge, it literally creates this implosion point in the center of your body, right where your heart is. You know, and there's a reason why Christ always was pointing to his heart, and then he had two fingers up into up to heaven. Um, but you can implode the field and your consciousness literally it creates a wormhole, dude. And you connect to God and into this greater cosmic web. But so at first I didn't take it too seriously. I just started implementing like an hour or two laying flat on my back and just focusing on relaxing and deep breathing and listening to these binaural beats. And I it was just part of the process too. I come to find out later astrologically, I'm meant to like experience a lot of out-of-body experience stuff. But I had an out-of-body, my first astral projection, I don't know, probably the tenth time I meditated. And then it was exponential after that. But fast forward after the Kundalini rising, it's now every single night. I don't really meditate per se. What I do is I lay flat on my back and I compress and push my ball of charge, which is always in my stomach now. I push it down in my feet. Once it gets into my feet chakras, it then creates this big funnel. And mind you, I'm not making this up. I feel it like someone's pouring water on my fucking feet, dude. It's that tangible for me now. These, these, this electrical voltage will spin and wrap around my legs, and it feels like running water on my skin. Um, it will then condense into a laser once it hits the legs, and it's that funnel that I've created. It's like a right side up triangle kind of shape. It condenses the charge into a direct line that then shoots up my spine, and then it activates my pineal. And whether I want to or not, every single night I stay lucid while my body shuts off and I I lift out into the fourth dimension and or higher. And it's it's been a struggle to ground this in and to wake up and go to work and stay sane.

SPEAKER_04 2:32:51

Fucking do you oh my god. When you're doing this, uh so I bought this I bought this app that Justin or B uh told me about. It's called Use and it's for meditating, and it's this like uh this band type of thing that you put on your head, and it has like these earphone things that you put in, and there's like you're talking about there's like some soundscapes that you listen to that are supposed to help you, they're supposed to help you meditate. So the way you know that you're supposedly in the meditation state is that the bird you'll heart start hearing like birds or hear some rain kind of calm down because you're you're getting this information, these these these sounds in your ears. And then once you hear the birds chirping through this rain, that's when you're in the state of of meditation. And it also tracks it on your phone, on this app. So I I paid like 300 bucks for this this thing for this app because there was like a lot of or not app, this this band. There's a lot of high reviews on it. Justin told me about it, and I'm like, I'd like to get into meditating, calming my brain down just because I always have like a million things going on at once, and I just I need to bring more peace to my body. And I was able to get to that point for like a brief, brief, brief second. You can even see it on my on my phone where it hit me. I was I was in there, I tried it. For about 12 minutes, and I was probably maybe a only a minute or maybe even less in that state, and then I just all of a sudden like I came out of it. But it was it's hard to describe that feeling, and I I think it's kind of like where you're talking about right now. Um when you shoot out. Do you when you're when you're doing this meditation or you're you're putting yourself in this state, are you visual, like where you're seeing something in your head or that you're feeling that kind of helps project yourself into that state? Or um are you just literally like your your mind's completely wiped out and you're just kind of Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:34:33

Well, I didn't it's pretty complex and I didn't explain it very well. But this is actually what I what I've been doing as a side hustle and actually lived off of it full time in 2023 and four um and part of 2025. But I teach people this step by step.

SPEAKER_03 2:34:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:34:48

Um in what I call life body sessions.

SPEAKER_03 2:34:50

I don't want you to want you to give away your secrets on here and not gonna I don't give a fuck about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:34:54

But uh so basically initially back in 2012, I did have to put way more effort into the meditations, but like I said before, you reach a threshold, bro, where these mechanisms turn on and they start spiraling on their own, literally spiraling. They they will start turning on their own, these chakras, and then it's like putting a snowball downhill, man. And uh I'm to the point now where I don't gotta do shit, bro. I just lay there and I get this compressed ball of charge since I've had what's called a kunalini awakening. It formulates this this ball of electrical energy in my solar plexus. And so now all I do is just push on this ball down the what are called noddies or energy meridians or currents or veins, whatever the fuck you want to call them. It actually the the charge actually goes down the sciatic nerve. It's heavily connected to the nervous system. Like I said before, it's like your cables, your fiber optics, or whatever. And uh, so now all I have to do is just focus on that ball going down to my feet. Once it goes down to my feet, bro, it shoots up my spine and I'm I'm there. I'm in, I'm out of the matrix. But I teach people how to achieve uh the Kundalini awakening in my light body session. It's it's you have to let me just say, let me just fucking tell you. So remember I said positive, negative, neutral, right? Threefold. Well, this expresses itself in your biology as the brain, the heart, and the stomach. There's no coincidence, the all three of these have neural tissue. Okay. I'm sure you've heard of oh, my gut instinct, oh my intuition and my heart, oh my my intellect, my intellectual logic tells me, right? Yep, yep. Well, we are threefold. The matrix will try to only worship the intellect, the mind, right? They're obsessed with IQ and the brain only. They never reward heart intelligence or stomach intelligence, but it turns out we're threefold beings. We have the attention, which is the mind. It's where you put your attention, your focus, your mind, right? And then we have our feeling, which is our heart, right? Um, our emotions, our intuition. And then we have our will, which is our solar plexus, our stomach, our gut instinct. Okay, so you have your intellectual intelligence, which is the mind, your reasoning, right? Your logic, put two and two together, formulate thoughts and all that shit. Do your math and all, you know, uh connect to memories and all that. And you have your heart, which is your emotions, your energy emotion, powerful feelings that are connected to a lot of so it's like your and then you have your your instincts, which are kind of innate and they carry over through your your uh your epigenetics and shit like that and your your DNA. Um, it's like it's a whole nother set, kind of like the animals, they have a lot of this, right? They they're driven to to do the things they do without a lot of thought or feeling involved. It's just instincts. But so you basically use the attention, it's always first, it's the masculine, it leads the way. The mind is masculine, and so you use your attention to search the files, right? And then so I came to find holy shit, bro. Whenever I put my focus, my attention on one of these chakras, I start to feel things. So I literally started from the ground up turning these motherfuckers on with what I call the threefold principle. So the I started honing and focusing my attention like a laser, like a dot on where the chakras are in the body. And then I started to feel weird, crazy, tangible sensations I never felt before, like tingling, like vibration, and like literal spinning. And that's what really blew my mind that I was onto something and this just this shit was real. This was 2012-ish, 2013. Um, well, then I had an epiphany. Oh my god, well, if I'm getting all this from just one of these threefold factors from just the attention, what happens when I how do I feel into it? How do I connect the heart to it? Right. And then what happens when I do? And that's when my mind literally started getting blown. I would then put my attention on the chakra and then feel into the chakra from my heart. And I started feeling insane shit now, like tangible, powerful, throbbing heartbeat sensations in my fucking groin, in my in my bladderary, in my stomach, in my heart, in my throat, in my fucking brain. And then I just like unlocked it from slowly but surely. So, anyway, to cut to the chase, to give the secret away, wherever you put your attention creates a literal uh imprint in the waveform fabric of this biofield. Um, the attention is so fucking powerful, dude. It goes right through matter, it goes right through time and space. It's really crazy. Um, they've even proved this in a laboratory with the double slit experiment. So it has to do with uh uh waves and particles. It's really crazy, which is like the fundamentals of the universe. But uh, so wherever you put your attention in, it sends uh energy through currents in in this uh biofield. And I can show it to you right now, just real quick. You just put your your focus on a fingertip and then feel into that fingertip with your heart. And all of a sudden, slowly but surely you'll start to feel sensation there in your fingertip, you'll start to feel a heartbeat there. Well, I I came to find that if I do this to my chakras, I'm feeding them electrical charge. And they did that, dude.

SPEAKER_04 2:40:08

I just did that, and you're right. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 2:40:10

Yeah, they take the end of the you do that on a chakra, they take the charge, they spin and plode it, and they turn on. They start to turn on. It's like uh, oh man, how can I even say it, bro? Anyway, I just like, well, I'm gonna go from the ground up. And so here you had a fucking crazy nihilist metal head on fucking drugs experimenting with this in his bedroom at fucking 2 a.m. or whatever, and getting major results, and then getting blasted out of my body. Like, dude, it's just been a hell of a ride since then, and it it created a little a wild ride, a fucking crazy fucking journey since then.

SPEAKER_04 2:40:45

What do you say? Uh what would you say is the biggest benefit that you have had from all of this?

SPEAKER_01 2:40:51

Like maybe your top top two mother motherfucking purpose, bro. That's the number one to staying sober and wanting the will to live and all that and to fight on another day.

SPEAKER_03 2:41:02

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 2:41:02

Is having a reason to do so, having the purpose. One thing I learned from recovery and addiction and all that shit was the more I had to lose and to fight for, the less I would risk it, risk destroying it with like relapse and drugs and alcohol and shit. Right. I love it. The reason why I was so self-destructive and wanted to just numb myself and get fucking wasted every day was because I was escaping the fact that I was unhappy and there was nothing to live for other than music. But once you find out how powerful you are, bro, and that there's this giant badass fucking spiritual war going on between interdimensional beings and what people will call angels and demons and shit and aliens and all this shit. Once you find out that's going on and that you're a fuck you can be a player in it and actually make a difference and save motherfuckers' souls and give them a reason to live, like there's nothing more powerful than that. This is what we're we're given in pieces in movies and video games. That storyline of the hero's archetype, you know, the timeline, the hero hero's journey. Yes, we have that in our lives too. There's a reason why we resonate to the superhero movies and and the saving the princess, which is a cult symbolism for the the princesses, the Sophia, which is the wisdom. So like it's in the Mario game, bro. It's in all the movies growing up. It's yeah, it's everywhere.

SPEAKER_04 2:42:19

Yeah, no, I I I love that you uh you found purpose and everything, man. Like you are uh I always consider you a best friend still. Like you are in my I have my pockets of people that have been very important in my life. And uh, even through the craziness that we've gone through, even with us not talking for 14 years, the fact that you and I can just go like right there, right back to like as if like those 14 years didn't pass by, to me, that's fucking nuts. But it makes me really happy to see that you're doing so well and that you found purpose and you found something that you're excited about, and that you're doing you're doing this in in a whole with a whole different attitude. I can just tell from talking to you that you are you have like this more positive energy to you. Right. I can't say that I was ever really aware of how bad it was because I was I was in my own shit myself back then. But being sober now myself and seeing you um with you know with my sober eyes and my sober state of mind and everything like that, seeing you just excited about this and doing something good for yourself and finding purpose and being excited about life, all that shit, it makes me excited. It makes it pumps me up and it makes me it further makes me want to continue on my path to my sobriety and continue to try to do good for the world because we're only here for a limited, limited amount of time. And where we go after this, I don't know. Like uh one of the questions that I had for my podcast this uh this week from from people on social media was Are you afraid of death? If so, why? Uh what do you think happens when you die and all that kind of shit? So I'll I'll throw that question at you and just go ahead and you tell me what you think happens. What does what what do you think the afterlife looks like after this this chapter or this place in Well you I just want to tell you all, there's nothing to fear.

SPEAKER_01 2:44:00

You're not a mortal, you are immortal. You're not just a mort a mortal, you are immortal. Like I said before, if you were listening earlier, you have another body. You have multiple other bodies. You have a you have a body for each dimension. I know that sounds a little schizo maybe to some of you and a little heretical to others, but it's just the goddamn truth. I've been lifting out of my body and exploring every day for going on 10 years now, since 2017. And I've been studying a lot of esoteric information, a lot of religious texts, and putting it all together in a lot of a lot of hidden modern science, plasma physics, namely. And uh I will tell you with 1000% certainty that this is not the end here. In fact, what you're gonna see when you die is very similar to what you see when you go to sleep. Okay. So what's gonna happen is you're gonna lift out into your astral body, you're gonna lift out of your physical body into your astral body, and everything you experienced here is gonna carry over with you, and you're literally gonna create a simulation out of all the shit you went through here. And so this is why it's a good thing to start working on yourself and to start healing your traumas and growing, or what I call aura building, or or healing your the trauma that you've stored in your astral body. Every every desire, every passion, every curiosity, all the shit carries over with you. And so if you die with a lot of regret, a lot of hatred, sadness, whatever it may be, you're gonna have to ground that energy out, and it it doesn't just ground out your legs and you're you're absolved of it like that. No, it literally manifests as a motherfucking simulation, like a dream, but much more tangible, much more real. Okay, it's not gonna be like all foggy and cloudy like when you have dreams now and random and chaotic and shit. So there's different levels to the astral realm. So I mean if you carry over a lot of trauma, a lot of negativity, you're gonna you're gonna create your own health. I'm just gonna be frank with you. And they call this the lower astral realm. And I've experienced it a lot, a lot, because I'm not a perfect person. Oh, there's I still get angry quite a bit in my life. I still have a lot of unhealthiness due to mold exposure and mycotoxins, which fuck my nervous system and my astral body up. So this is a resonance thing. So wherever your astral body is at as far as electrical capacitance and the the strength of its of its aura of your of your waveform fabric and the frequency it's emanating at, you're going to go into the corresponding dimension. Okay. So if you got a lot of negativity, you're gonna go to a negative place. That makes a lot of sense. It's not the end of the world. So there are other times when I do the meditation before I lift out of my body and and I I just start manually feeling into love, and I bring my entire biofield in the most beautiful, coherent love state where I'm blissed out. And so when I lift out of my body, I go to a fucking magical rainbow land that you could the religious will call heaven. And so we're not ever stuck in one place or the other. Just like in the third dimension, you can move from a state of utter devastation to a state of fucking bliss in a matter of a minute. You know, you have the power to change this biofield's frequency, it's emanating at. You just have to start taking control of your of your gifts. You have you can manually move your blood with your heart. You can you can manually diaphragmically breathe and feed this charge and oxygenate your blood and bring your your bot your organism up to a state of health. Like you just have to you gotta do the work, bro. It's just like if you want to be healthy here and happy here, you gotta get up, you gotta stretch, you gotta go to the fucking gym, you gotta eat nutritious food. Um, well, you have an astral body, you have an another body, and it also wants to be stretched and released of inflammation. It also wants to be worked out, it also wants to be fed nutrition, okay. And I teach that in my in my sessions as well. But uh I would say for advice uh to people, just start learning to die before you die, okay? And start dream journaling, start giving it some attention feeling it will start actually giving a fuck about meaningful things because this shit's a blink of an eye, man. Yeah, especially if you're over the age of 40, like me, if you're 41, the 10 last 10 years were a fucking blink, dude.

SPEAKER_04 2:48:21

Yep, and they're going faster, they're going faster, dude. I swear to god, every year is going faster. It's scary.

SPEAKER_01 2:48:27

See, we're it's it has to do with oscillation and energy and vibration in our in our stars alignment, like I said, what's called the procession of the equinox cycle. So time's speeding up, and we're vertically ascending and evolving right now, especially with the AI and all this shit. So it's it's you're not gonna be able to stay an NPC much longer, is what I'm trying to tell people. Yeah, we're evolving, and it's time to catch the wave of ascension, man. Yeah, write it because it's it's it's awesome. And this is what I was looking for when I was a kid, bro. It's like there's gotta be more to life than this, right? Yeah, I wanna fly, I wanna fucking fight bad guys, I wanna fucking see the stars. Well, it turns out you can do all that. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:49:10

Where can I was gonna say, where can people uh find you to get enrolled in some of your sessions that you teach this? Where can they find you on social media, YouTube, whatever, that that they can learn more about this? Because like I said, you have an awesome channel, and I I've seen on Instagram like you have a lot of people that follow you and that interact with your posts and whatnot. So there is a lot of people out there that you're helping with your with your information here and teachings of these.

SPEAKER_01 2:49:36

Yeah, that's the goal. I just want to help people, man, because I I've seen death before, I've stared in the face, you know, and like the only thing that matters when you get to that point is how good of a person you were, what kind of difference did you make for people while you were here on this live.

SPEAKER_04 2:49:50

Yeah, people aren't gonna remember people aren't gonna remember that you drove a fucking badass sports car and you had the biggest house. They're gonna remember how you made them feel. They're gonna remember those memories that they had with you, how you treated them. Um they're gonna remember you for your character, your legacy. Like, that's one thing that I I always talk about on my podcast is like, what do you want your legacy to be? Because I when I got asked that, that changed everything for me. It's like, who gives a fuck that I, you know, who gives a fuck that I worked at this job and made X amount of money? Who gives a fuck that I drove this kind of car or I lived in this type of neighborhood? No one cares about that. When you die, no one remembers that. It doesn't matter. It's it's it's how you made people feel that you're a genuine person, that you're authentic, that you cared about people, that you know, the people that came into your life, you brought positivity to them and not just a bunch of shit.

SPEAKER_01 2:50:36

Exactly. Couldn't have said it better, man. But for people that want to get into my shit, I would suggest if you really care and you got the attention span. See, my whole thing was just be raw, be real. And speaking of reels, I'm not very good at making the fucking 10, 13 second reel with all the pictures and the flashy colors and all that. I don't I don't edit shit. I just I've been told to be raw by my guides, and I just I just talk from the heart. So my YouTube channel is a raw vlog. I've made hundreds of videos. Um, and just go on there and check them out if you're interested. And I would try to start at the beginning somewhere, but other than that, what's the channel name? YouTube on YouTube, Plasma Born 369.

SPEAKER_04 2:51:17

Plasma Born 369. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:51:19

The name behind that is the plasma is this this energy I've been talking about the whole time. It's the medium for which consciousness kind of rides on in this dimension. It's a phase of water, it's uh the fifth element called the ether force. There's so many names for it, but um, and then the 369 is is the mathematics behind vortex math. Whenever I was talking about spin and ploting this energy with a chakra, it has to do with that 369 button. So Instagram, same thing, Plasma Born 369, and then I have a kind of a backup shit posting page called Plasma Daddy. But but uh yeah, um just DM me if you ever want to do a sesh. And uh I have a highlight on my Plasma Born page where you can see the results. We got a lot of crazy results. The main thing I want to do, what gives me the most joy, is blowing the top of someone's head off and giving a fucking goosebumps. I love that shit because that's this energy firing, bro. That's this energy firing. Yeah, and uh what's crazy is that's the same energy you feel when you orgasm, that's the same energy that's in a fucking bolt of lightning, which just struck in the clouds to my left here about five minutes ago. Big beautiful arc of plasma or lightning went across the sky over here on my left.

SPEAKER_04 2:52:31

We had a I was gonna say we had some lightning here in Oregon City not too long ago, too. So fucking I uh just the other day, I was like, oh shit, close the windows, I don't want that shit coming in.

SPEAKER_01 2:52:41

Right? You can feel it in the air. Yeah. Make your hair stand up.

SPEAKER_04 2:52:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:52:45

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 2:52:45

Well, I want to thank you for being on the channel, man, or being on the podcast. I definitely think that we should have another another moment with with you in the future. I mean, we can we can talk more about this, we can maybe talk about music, we can talk about the 90s, we can talk about movies, all sorts of shit, man. I think that you're a very interesting person. You have a lot of great information to share with people, you have great perspective, and like I said, you're you're a true, authentic fucking yourself person. That's what I respect the most about you. And well, probably why we and you, you and I have always gotten along is because you're just you're unapologetic and you're just yourself, and I fucking love that. Like the end of the day.

SPEAKER_01 2:53:19

I'll say all those things about you too. So hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:53:22

Fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_01 2:53:23

So it's a pleasure.

SPEAKER_04 2:53:24

Everyone out there, please go take a listen to uh to Jason on his pages, as he's mentioned. I will link them in the description of the podcast episode, and with that, uh, you guys have a great rest of your week. And that is the end of segment number two. I told you guys that that was gonna be a great conversation. I wasn't bullshitting you guys. Very, very fun listen. I hope that you learned something from it. Please go find Jason on social media, on his YouTube channel. Take a look at what he was talking about because it's it's very interesting. He's got an awesome audience that like I I I think we talked about in the conversation where uh there's a lot of engagement on his posts and and what have you. There's a lot that can be learned from what he's doing and what's helped him. And it might be a world that opens up some opportunities for you to better yourself and live a healthier life. And um, I just encourage you guys to go check out his channel. I love the fact that me and him are back in communication. Very, very like, like I said, I I even told him, I said, like, I'm I'm so happy, like, I'm beyond happy to know that he is living better. I lit up, dude. I was excited because it like me and him have a history, and we have a dark history of craziness that we both have gone through. And to see him thriving, to see him being excited about something and doing something positive and still alive and doing well, that makes me excited. It gives me hope for myself, for my struggles, through the things I go through and for the struggles that my other friends and family may be going through. That you can turn your life around, you can make changes where there's will, there's a way. And so I just it makes me excited to know that I'm back to talking to him, and hopefully we can build on our friendship on another level now that we're back in in a good space. So, big shout out to our two sponsors that we have, the financial sponsors, which is King John. So, shout out to King John and of course Eric Sheets. Shout out to Eric Sheets. Thank you guys, and I love the sound effects. Thank you guys for contributing to the podcast monetary-wise. As I've said before, this podcast does cost us money to run, to upload episodes, it costs us to have it on all of these channels that we make it available for you. It costs us to do the editing, it costs us time, it costs us a lot of it costs a lot of things. To me, it's worth it. I love doing the podcast, but if I can get any help with it, I'd really appreciate it. Also, a big shout out to all of you guys out there that contribute to the question of the week. I was so excited when I saw how many responses we got on this one. It was I love the engagement, so please keep that up. I love hearing from you guys. No one says anything that's out of this world or crazy, so please continue to just speak your mind, speak your thoughts, even if I don't agree with it. Exactly. I love it. There's no right or wrong answer. That's right. Right or wrong answer. Even if we don't see eye to eye. I don't care. I love it. I love hearing from you guys. It it helps us exactly. So I thank you guys all for participate with that. Thank you guys all who listened to this. I always encourage you guys. All the countries. Okay, let's let's take a look. I think we mentioned this earlier.

SPEAKER_00 2:56:21

You're hearing my shitty voice.

SPEAKER_04 2:56:25

So right now we are in 33 countries, 166 cities. The most newest locations right now are Bridgeport, Alabama, Yurevan, Yerevan, Salinas, California, Brasilia Federal District. Those are the top four that just recently came up.

SPEAKER_00 2:56:41

Nice. That's great.

SPEAKER_04 2:56:42

The fact that we're in 33 countries, man, the people are listening to us. That's insane. I've only been to Mexico, as I mentioned. I know.

SPEAKER_00 2:56:49

I'm like, that's a outside of the US, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:56:51

Well, that's said, everyone. I hope you have a great rest of your week. Major thank you to all of you. I hope that whatever you're going through, because we're all going through something. I hope that this week it just gets better. I hope that you are able to better yourself. I hope that you continue to have the strength to power through. Keep in mind that nothing is impossible and the bad stuff doesn't last forever. The good moments also don't last forever. So enjoy them while you have them. Those moments that um are tough and don't seem like they're ever going to end, just keep in mind that life is a roller coaster. It's gonna get better. You just gotta keep pushing through. It's a test of your determination. It does.

SPEAKER_00 2:57:25

So and remember to love yourself.

SPEAKER_04 2:57:27

Yep. So we love you guys. Thank you guys so much and have a great kick ass rest of your week. We will see you on the next episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast. Spread the word like herpes.

SPEAKER_05 2:57:38

Love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 2:57:39

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