Episode 21 - Krista

Segment 1:
This segment covers societal norms, gender roles, social media impact, and personal stories about overcoming adversity. Cody and Mariah share candid insights and listener responses on these hot topics, emphasizing authenticity and personal growth.

Keywords
societal norms, gender roles, social media, mental health, sobriety, aging gracefully, authenticity, community, personal stories

Segment 2:
Krista shares her powerful journey of surviving domestic violence, overcoming addiction, and finding strength through recovery. Her story highlights the importance of self-worth, resilience, and the support systems that help rebuild a life from trauma.

keywords
domestic violence, addiction recovery, resilience, mental health, empowerment, sobriety, trauma healing

follow Krista on Instagram: @reborn.resilient

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:18

You are listening to the Liquid Shape Podcast with your host, Cody Perez.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast with Cody Perez.

SPEAKER_04 0:33

Mariah Taz and Lorenzo.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Oh, you included the boys this time. I like it.

SPEAKER_04 0:37

I did last time too.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Yeah, you did. And they're right here, right by our side, of course, uh, just being all rambunctious and loud and funny and crazy. I came home and they were wild. They came running down the stairs. I was actually worried that they were gonna fall down. They're excited to see their dad. And then of course Lorenzo does his high-pitched screaming and what have you. But it's a sunny, beautiful Sunday in Oregon. Three-day weekend, a Memorial Day weekend. So how exciting is that?

SPEAKER_04 1:04

I'm happy to have a three-day weekend.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah. Me too. It's it's it's been nice. And I guess we're gonna be going into rain, so we better enjoy the beautiful weather we have today, because tomorrow I think we get back to Oregon showers. Right? Let's see. What are we, the forecast now?

SPEAKER_04 1:20

Yeah, so today's supposed to be 76. Yeah, the Monday, Tuesday rainy, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, supposedly cloudy, and then the sun comes back next Sunday.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Alright, well, we're gonna take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:32

The girl is white, and I hate it.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Get some color on ya.

SPEAKER_04 1:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

So how's your week been?

SPEAKER_04 1:39

Ugh. I'm glad it's done.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

I was gonna say you've had a hell of a week.

SPEAKER_04 1:43

It wasn't fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

It was a crazy week for you. I probably don't want to go into details about any of that because it's work-related, but it was uh yeah, I could tell it was getting on you and I feel bad.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Yeah, it's uh not a fun thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

But other than that, it's been good.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah. Yesterday we got to spend time with the family. Shout out to my cousin Joel and Hazel. They had their housewarming party. Yeah. Beautiful house, great food, great times with the family. Got to see all the family. I love that. The food was really good. Honorable mentions. I loved the uh the chicken legs. My uncle Frank did amazing on those chicken legs. I was just like, whoa. Like I kept going back for more. And then Carlos, of course, always on the pico de gallo. Man, I always know when it's like there's there's a couple pico de gallo there.

SPEAKER_06 2:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

I always know when he makes his because his has a different look to it and obviously a different taste that I love. And I keep asking him and bugging him. I'm like, dude, what what do you do in yours that is the secret? And he won't tell me. So I love your someday he's gonna tell me. I I'm glad you do. They love you. Yeah. Your guacamole was.

SPEAKER_04 2:46

I know. They're like the gringa can make.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah, they were all shocked. The family was all this. I think that was the rantin and raven that everyone was talking about was the uh guacamole. Who made the guacamole?

SPEAKER_04 2:55

Well, that was kind of like the one of the last barbecues at David and Carlos's when I did the Cajun Mac.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yep, that too.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

Everyone's like, Who made the Mac?

SPEAKER_01 3:04

See, you can cook when you want.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

Yeah. I just don't I've said I can cook, I don't like to. I don't like it at all. We're gonna fix that.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

We're gonna fix that this year.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

I just ugh. It's gonna it's baking's stress or cooking's stressful to me. Baking's easy.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I love that you bake bread and that's fine. Buns and bread and all sorts of yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:21

But cooking, like chicken and shit, meat, I hate cooking meat because I never know if I'm doing it right. Especially like chicken, like, is it cooked fully?

SPEAKER_01 3:28

We have thermometers for that. 165.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

My OCD can't because I'm like Well, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

You're lucky you have someone that loves to cook, so you're lucky you have someone that likes to bake and clean. That's true.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

We both benefit each other.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Yes. So yeah, other than that, it's been a good week.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

We got some more plants. We had a fun little Homie Depot run Friday night.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

That we did. That we did. We took the boys for their uh little checkups.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They had their annual checkup. Everything seems good with them, so that's always a plus.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

I had my annual checkup, and that was great as well. I didn't get my balls grabbed. Man, that's disappointing. I mean, why else do you set those up for? I know.

SPEAKER_04 4:07

Like, I have to be fondled inside. Why can't you get fondled on the outside?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Well, you you gave me so much crap all morning and you just kept it in my brain now the whole time I'm like thinking, oh, it's gonna be awkward, it's gonna be awkward, but whatever. Like, it's it it is what it is. But the doctor didn't even mention it.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

The awkwardness of like a pap smear where your face is in the doc or your cooter's in the doctor's face and your feet are in the stirrups, and you're like, man, they're like scoot down for either, and you're like, That is awkward. Like, how close do you want this thing in your pussy?

SPEAKER_01 4:35

I would hate that job because imagine the nasty things like that.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

I'm paying you to have your face and my pussy, like what?

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Whoa, Jesus, my God. Come on. That's uh that's insane. But I can you imagine the shit that the doctors see? I would never want that. I don't even know if I would even be able to uh look at it the same. That's what I'm saying. You might see some hot chicks, but you're gonna fucking see some nasty shit too that you don't want to see. So like, and you can't unsee some shit, dude.

SPEAKER_04 5:02

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Like you can't. I don't think that the benefits outweigh.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

Well, they also typically uh do labor and delivery, so it's like you're actually seeing the baby cutting.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like the see I hold the pussy on the pedestal, like they say. I like I hold it as the holiest grail of all things. I love it. Like that's my favorite that's my favorite meat in the world. It's my favorite thing in the world. Like, why would like eater? I I would not want to like see the nasty and know the nasty and feel like I wouldn't just want I just wouldn't that would ruin it for me.

SPEAKER_04 5:31

Taz doesn't like this conversation. He's giving me the eye.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Taz is upset because he's a virgin. And his nuts are gone. And his nuts are gone too. I'm sorry, but I'm telling the world about you. I know. It's uh so he's smiling now. He wants to go on a W L K. So we'll be doing that probably. Look at that smile. Good boy. All right, well, let's get into it because this week uh we had a lot of responses, which I'm always thankful for on the question of the week. And uh since we're slacking, I'm gonna have to fucking edit this too before we release it tonight at midnight. So we're here sipping coffee and we're gonna go over these responses. I think I'll read the first one before I forget, because John Would sent his in by email, and so I don't want to forget, and we're reading off the phones this time because it's easier. So I'll go first. And John sent a long response, so I have to definitely read on this one. So John says, There are so many things society treats as normal that are actually pretty unhealthy. We normalize heavy drinking and vaping, letting kids stare at screens for hours every day. Some age groups are at six to nine hours a day. That's not normal, that's damaging, and allowing news and media to constantly divide us to so we end up hating our own neighbors over politics or religion. We also let companies market junk as healthy or sugar-free when it's anything but. But one of the biggest ones that drives me crazy is how hard we're pushing to erase traditional male roles. I know it's popular to say out loud, I know it's not popular to say out loud right now, and I'm not saying women can't do whatever they want. They absolutely should. But acting like men are disposable or that women can fully replace men in every traditionally male role is nonsense. Men are wired to be providers and protectors. When society tries to feminize men and push them into submissive roles instead, it creates a lot of confusion and pain. That's a big reason we're seeing so much male depression and suicide these days. Men are dying by suicide about four times more often than women. I support strong women in any role they earn, but I've seen it firsthand in trades. Companies will pick up a less qualified woman or minority over a better man just to check a diversity box and look good. I worked as a low voltage electrician, and my company lost a government contract in Multnomah County purely because they didn't have a diverse enough workforce, even though we'd done work for them before. They hired us to get some to get set up, they hired us to set up the offices, but not to do the actual construction. It's backwards. Social media? Absolutely. We're obsessed with it, and it's especially toxic for kids and a lot of women. Everyone's curating this fake per perfect life online. You'll see these beautiful family vacation photos, then later find out they were miserable and fighting the whole time. Constant comparison to fake lives is brutal on people's self-worth. Hustle culture. I participated in it myself because I want to provide better for my family and lift up the people around me. Some of us are natural leaders and builders. I don't think that's unhealthy. The problem is when hustle becomes the only thing in your life with no purpose behind it. Dating culture. I've been out of the dating game for almost 20 years, so I'm way out of the loop on that one. With what is dating culture? Working nonstop. I work, I work long hours, 10 to 12, sometimes 14 when it's busy. Work gives us purpose and income, which is which is healthy. But if you're grinding just to grind and you're miserable, that's when it becomes toxic. If you hate what you do, start carving out time to figure out what would actually fulfill you while you're still paying the bills. When you love what you do, it stops feeling like work. Constant comparison. It depends. Comparing yourself to fake highlight reels on social media is super unhealthy. But if you're trying to grow and you look at how successful friends or family do things, that kind of comparison can actually help you improve. And course correct. I agree with all the things here that John said. I I love it. I mean, I think we've talked about how men are being demasculated and pushed into these, like like you said, like to feel feminized and and and uh depression and suicide rates and all that stuff. That's a that's a serious thing, man. Like that's that's uh that's a sad thing. And then and then what's funny and crazy is that you hear all these women complain about how there's no real men anymore. But on the same time, those same women will like constantly be like, Well, I could do it myself, blah, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_04 9:46

It's great to be a It's because we have to, because if we rely on someone, it gets shoved in our face. That's one that's and I'm not saying you, but just in general. That's one reason I've become so independent in my life is because anytime I've asked a man, hey, I need help with this, whether father figure, boyfriend, husband, it was fucking thrown in my face and used against me to manipulate me and abuse me. Like, no, I'm gonna do it myself then. I'm not gonna ask for help because every time I do, I get made to feel like I'm an inch big and I'm a piece of shit. So no, I'm not asking for help.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Well, I mean, yeah, then that you can't take what you can't take what you from an old relationship and bring it into a new one, though. That's the reality of it. Like if I did that, you know what? I would be hating women like a motherfucker if I did that. So every time you get with someone new or you're dating someone, it's a reset. You have to reset. You yeah, bring in the the knowledge of what you have and the experience, but you can't, I mean, you you you just can't let those old things am I anything like your ex in any way? Yeah. Be honest.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

But I'm not gonna ask I'm still not gonna ask you for help. That's just me. I'm not. If I can do something, I'm gonna do it. If I can't do it, then I'll ask for help for sure. But I'm not gonna just be like, hey, can you do this? No, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

I think I push you a lot too though to do.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:58

There's times that I have to motivate you and I have to keep pushing it.

SPEAKER_04 11:01

I'm tired because you go, you wake up and go, go, go, go, go. On my days off, I'm like, I just want to chill for a little bit. Like I drive, I do HR. My I'm never off at work. I don't get a break at work because it's always ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, riam, riam, riot. We need to fire this person, we need to do this, I need discipline here. What's this? Oh, we have an investigation here, and I'm like, fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

That's perfect for someone with ADHD though.

SPEAKER_04 11:22

No, I hate it. Like, I just my anxiety's just through the roof lately, and I'm like, I just want to chill.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Yeah. But then you get bored if you do, and then it's like we don't get bored. We don't get bored chilling. They call more though.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

Because we haven't had a vacation in a long time, so I haven't been able to just like disconnect fully, like being in another country, like Mexico or something on a beach. No one's fucking teamsing me while I'm in Mexico. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

That's true. That's true. So I think we're overdue for a relaxing vacation. Maybe we'll do that this this uh September, October. I don't know, maybe. I'd like to go back to the next one. We'll see. I'm gonna be hitting three years sober in October or September.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

So yeah, we also talked about going to San Diego too, so that'd be cool.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Yeah. Let's get away. Anything would be good. But I I just I agree that yeah, it's good to have independence and know that, but then at the same time, when you're with someone, split the duties up. Obviously, you can show that you can do it yourself. Like me, for example, like one mistake I made with the relationship was I let the other person control the finances, control the cooking, control this and that. And I learned after that, after I got a relationship, that I'm like, okay, I need to I need to be in control of this now, or I need to be better, like know what's going on. So I can see like where's the spending happening, where do you pay it, why is it like this, analyze the bills, learn to cook, obviously, that kind of stuff. So I think that your past will shape you to be what you are.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

I will never share finances ever, always separate.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

I mean, I'm cool with that. I've always been like that too.

SPEAKER_04 12:43

So I don't care what you do with your money, that's your thing. Don't worry about mine, because that's my thing.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Boats and hose. There you go. All right. So, yeah, good, good uh responses here from John. I I agree pretty much with every single one of them. Um dating culture, I would say, John, I was in the yeah, it's fucked up now. So I will say that when I was single and I was on the dating apps and all that shit, it's like the women literally just they want you to pay for it, even like their date, like to go out. I get going out with someone and paying for the the the food or the drinks or whatever the hell. But like a lot of these girls on those apps are literally saying, Well, no, you're gonna pay for my time. If I'm gonna talk to you on the phone, you're it's like at this point, you're a prostitute.

SPEAKER_06 13:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

I'm like, if I'm gonna meet up with you, you're a prostitute at that point. If you're charging by the hour or charging by that kind of shit. And that's the kind of stuff they're saying. Well, you have to buy my snap. Really? Buy your snap? Like, what the fuck? Like, no, that's not gonna happen. Like that kind of shit. So it's like the contact different, like there's women are prostituting themselves on these apps, and it's it's just trash. It's fucking trash.

SPEAKER_04 13:41

And then guys are weird too, though, on it.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

You wonder why men are weird though, is because a lot of this shit, too. Like it goes back and forth. Yeah, there's a lot of shitty men, there's a lot of shitty women. So it's it goes it goes both ways. So I think that like women do something that causes a man to react a certain way, and then now he feels like he has to act like that, and then he treats it on takes it out on another women, and then those women take it out on other men, and it's like it just goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. So it's it's a never-ending cycle. So dating culture, I would not want to be out there. I think if I was ever to be single again, I would just stay single and I'd be okay with being my dogs.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

I say this all the time. I'm like, if you and I ever, for God forbid, ever break up or whatever, I'm fucking done. Yeah. I don't want to be with anyone.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, it's a it's a nightmare. It's and I can't imagine nowadays doing it because it's like I don't have effort.

SPEAKER_04 14:28

I don't have the energy for another relationship. Me neither. No.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

I would probably just be really, really toxic and just be like, I would be over the top toxic, I think. I would thrive on the drama, I think, just ruining other people's lives. That's just me, man. That's what I do. All right. So uh we'll move on to quit licking the table. We'll move on to the responses on Facebook. So, first one comes in from Jeffrey Gunn, and he says, God and organized religion, you might as well wish on a shooting star. There's there's good and bad people in the ranks. Most I would call hollow Christians, the ones that go to church but don't understand or care about the message. They're there for image overall. I think it's a fear-mongering scam. And that's a fair assessment. I mean, there's there's a lot of I mean, I wouldn't even just say fake Christian. I wouldn't even just say though Christian. There's a lot of fake uh religious beliefs in general, and people are putting on this image just because that's how they want to be viewed, but they're like hypocritical to what they're doing. I am a believer myself, and I am I encourage people to find what works for them, whether that's religion or not, or whatever it is that you believe in, and stick to that. Have your some morals, have some morals and some uh standards that you live by and that you that values that you uh that you'll you'll live your life by that that make you a better person, and that hopefully when you leave this earth, you leave it a better place than when you came first came into it. Um But yeah, there there is a lot of organized religions out there that people are killing for their God or people are doing this or that, and it's it's just like I don't agree with anything.

SPEAKER_04 16:00

They're just fake. They do the whole church thing and post all the religious stuff or whatever, but they're not they give a bad name for people but following the Bible and like the word.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

They give a bad name for the the religion, whatever religion that is. I'm not gonna throw one under the bus over the other. Uh but there's there's there's people are always going to weaponize things. People will find something and turn it into a good thing and turn it into a bad thing, and it's unfortunate. I try not to hold I try not to hold the religion or the whatever the the whatever the organization is, if it's trying to do something good, I don't try not to hold them for one or shit one or two shitty people or masses in some in some cases. All right. Uh Lauren Johnson says alcohol and excess drinking. Working nonstop in companies making employees feel guilty for using their benefits or having to approve time off when employees have available time accrued.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

I I agree.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

That was gonna be mine. I was alcohol and excess drinking for 100% sure. And I I I'll go more into it once we go into my portion of it because I'm gonna definitely talk about that. That's one of my uh responses for this.

SPEAKER_04 17:05

But definitely the working though. I mean, so many companies, it's like you have the time off, but you try to get it off, and it's like you're asking for like God to come back or something for Jesus to come back.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Or they don't allow you to. They don't allow you to. When I was the call center, they only allowed like 1.5 people out of 200. Like, why? Wow. That is insane.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

That's coverage.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Yeah. Figure it out, man. That's your responsibility. That's not mine. That's I I work for your company, that's your job to figure it out, not mine, not my responsibility. It's I think it's bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 17:34

And a right employees to be able to take their PTO.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

And I'm sorry, I didn't read the question of the week out loud here, so I'll just read it before we continue on. So the question of the week this week was what's something society normalizes that you think is unhealthy? And then follow-ups were like social media, hustle culture, dating culture, working nonstop, constant comparison, whatever. Any anything you want to say. So next one comes in from Jared Dimes and he says, caring what others think more than anything now is social media, like that's what these people that put on the facades, man. Like the happy family, matching pajamas, that kind of shit.

SPEAKER_04 18:06

Like that or influencers, like fitness ones and stuff. It's like, no, bitch, you're having surgery. Your little 30-day workout plan. You did not look like you do not look like that from doing a little ab exercise thing, each different variations of it for 30 days to look like you legit are on a GLP one, which I've I've been on one for three years. I highly recommend it. But don't I miss meaning don't lie.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:30

But that's all it is. It's all you can't believe anything you see. It's all fake to sell you shit.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah, I I've seen that far too much where people are selling them something that you know clearly they did something else, but they're getting paid to say this. And then it's like, dude, so I've got more products.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

It's like, bitch, you know you're not using that product. Yeah. Especially if it's like an already big famous person like Rihanna or something. I know she wouldn't because she has her own makeup line, but it's like when you see these famous celebrities and they're like, Ravlon, I'm like, you are not wearing fucking Ravlon. How many millions do you have? You can afford the bougie shit. You're not buying drugstore stuff.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yeah, you're being paid to say that, and it's it's fake and it's not authentic. The reason why I made such a horrible salesman is because the products that I was trying to push at one point that I was selling on when I was doing like the door-to-door sales and all that kind of shit was all stuff I knew was shit. I did it for a month and I was like, you know what? This is not the job for me. If I'm not convinced, and yeah, I can't lie. I have to be honest about what I'm selling. I have to be convinced myself. And if I'm not convinced, fuck, I'm not gonna sell that. I'm not because I'm not gonna be a good salesman. I feel a fake. So caring what others think, I think is a huge thing right now.

SPEAKER_06 19:35

That's it's huge.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

And I don't think that's gonna change, unfortunately. It's only gonna get worse. It's only gonna get worse, yeah. So agree with that. Uh Kimberly Wilhelm Willem Wilhelm says, not disciplining your kids, also not teaching them any kind of manners. Expected to be a slave to your job. Thankfully, I work for a company that lets employees put their families first. Yes, disciplining your kids. Yes, goddammit. Yesterday we got to the house and out by our yard, like like the little by the sidewalk.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

So we're we're a corner lot in our little townhome subdivision bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

And we get home from the family gathering and there's fucking like juice box type of crap and wrapping and plastic bottles, like Gatorade bottles, wrappers, a slang wrapper. And we know what we know that the fucking kids around here that like they all gather together and they just make a fucking mess, dude. It drives me fucking insane. It makes me really angry. It's like if I did that, I'd get my ass beat.

SPEAKER_04 20:32

I would have gotten my ass beat. And these kids, like the parents, I'm like, where the fuck are the parents? These kids, I swear to God, cannot be older than seven. And they're just out here and like it's a busy street, and people like are speeding, like all these little fast and furious cars of the people that live in the back. I'm like, and these kids have like the little motorized, like, wannabe dirt bite things, and they're just up and down the street almost getting hit and stuff. I'm like, where the fuck are the parents?

SPEAKER_01 20:55

The other the other day I was driving down, and I drive extra slow here because I know there is kids, but this fucking kid, like, he's on one of the little motorized bike things, and he purposely he sees me. He's on the other side of the street, but he purposely sees me, so he tries to beat me by like running right in front of my car to get across to the other side. When he clearly seen me going, I'm like, if I was that kid, my parents would have kicked my fucking ass. My dad, one time I remember he spanked the shit out of me when I almost tried to run across the street, and I was on a sidewalk, like on the like a crosswalk that I was gonna run across. Yeah, but he grabbed me real quick because he saw that I was trying to get get ready to go, and he grabbed me and he spanked the shit out of me. He's like, Don't you ever run across the street without me and without looking both ways? And after that, I remembered that shit. So these the parents around here definitely need to do a better job. Their fucking kids are playing around like the nice cars around here and just being destructive with their shit. Like we've on my so since we're at a corner lot, we have these fucking kids that run across my patio, like my front yard patio by our doorway. They literally use our porch to run across. That's fucking ridiculous. Unacceptable. Like if that kid falls down, I could potentially be sued for that. Like there's concrete there. And it's a it's a high little patio thing. And like I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 22:10

I put up no trespassing signs everywhere, so they're trespassing. So hopefully we could fight them. Because I have one right in the window next to the door and I have one on our gate.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Yeah. All right. Brooke Barnhurst says racism. Absolutely. I think people are getting away with a lot of shit as far as what they're saying. They're getting ballsy and they think that they can get away with it without the repercussions, man. Someone's going to pop you in the fucking mouth if you're running your fucking mouth. I I understand jokes. Jokes are one thing.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

But when you're actually being a flat out fucking racist piece of shit, you're going to get fucking popped.

SPEAKER_04 22:42

And you should.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

Yeah. You deserve it. Uh, Tabitha Knight says excessive consumerism and glorifying living beyond your means, buying shit you don't need, beauty standards, constantly having a computer in our hand, pocket, and expectation of being accessible 24-7. God, I I agree with every one of those things.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

Yeah, glorifying living beyond your means. So true. I'm like, I keep seeing all these people. And granted, I know like just speaking of like housing, like I know like house the housing market is just wild. Uh but people like buying these houses and having like three, like four, five, six, seven thousand dollars a month house payments. What happens if you lose your job?

SPEAKER_01 23:19

You're fucked.

SPEAKER_04 23:20

You're fucked. And that's that's the way we're going. I'm like massive layoffs. And how much house do you need? And how much house do you need? Like, yeah, it's it's I don't know. And I'm like, I get it. The housing sh shit sucks, so things are super inflated, but then it's like double, like they're just I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

I'm like, You gotta be smart about it. If you wanna if you wanna live luxurious, you gotta make some sacrifices and you gotta, and I'm not saying like settle, but definitely you have to be smart about it. Like you want to travel and all that kind of shit, guess what? Your house probably is does it have enough room for you and your family? Yeah, are you in a safe area? Are you are you comfortable there? Okay, great. You don't need to have all these extra fucking rooms and this and that, this and that. If you want to be able to travel, you wanna have the nice car, do you want to have all this fancy fucking expensive clothes, that kind of shit. Like you just you need to be smart about it.

SPEAKER_04 24:07

The car stuff cracks me up too, especially like if uh people are living in apartments and they have like the Mercedes or the Range Rover, all this stuff. I'm like, dude, get a house. I'm embarrassed if people are like a different, like a lower class vehicle. I'm like, what are we doing?

SPEAKER_01 24:21

I don't give a fuck what I'm driving nowadays anymore. I got two cars.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

I'm like that, you just and I've worked in the car uh the auto industry. It's like you lose so much money on cars. Why are you out there? I mean, if you can afford it and all that stuff, good for you, man. If it makes you feel good, I get that. But realistically, you lose so much money on cars. So much money. You'll never get back what you put into it.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

There was a point in time when I was literally paying $750 for my car payment and then another, what was it? I think it was like another $700, $600 for insurance a month. Yeah, dude, like why? Why when I was bartending because I was an fucking idiot with my money, I was 21 years old. Like, and I had the car that I wanted, and just it was just stupid and reckless. Like, I can't imagine having debt like that. Like the only debt I have right now literally is my HELOC and my house, which is nothing. Like that to me, that I mean, that's what that's a basic thing. But I'm gonna I'm gonna be paying it off early. I'm already starting to make uh early payments and whatnot, extra payments each month. So I'm gonna pay it off way before and save myself a shit ton of money. But I can't imagine people that get themselves in credit card debt and just buy unnecessary shit. Like buy what you need to get by. If you can't afford to pay it off by the end of the month, why are you letting it rack up?

SPEAKER_06 25:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Like it doesn't make sense to me, but whatever. People are superficial and have to have fucking everything. Shopping's a especially online shopping, I think is a very addictive thing. It is. It's very easy to hit that fucking the Apple button that says fucking pay. So uh Matthew Grodzinski says, Weird how alcohol is super popular, popular even when it destroys so much and definitely that double standard with other substances.

SPEAKER_06 25:56

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

I agree. But weed is just as bad, I think. I don't care what anyone says and tries to justify. I I know way too many potheads that they cannot survive without it. That's an addiction. Yeah, it is. If you have to do everything high, if you have to always constantly get high or get drunk, or you can't do anything without doing like some sort of substance, you have a problem.

SPEAKER_04 26:17

Or and I feel like, and again, no offense to anybody who does, but it's like I almost feel like pot smokers are worse than cigarette smokers because like traveling with them and stuff, they have to pull over because if you're especially in your vehicle driving, then it's like you have to pull over like every 20 minutes or whatever it is, so they can hit take a hit. And I'm like, geez, guys.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Yeah, it's it's a weakness, total weakness to me.

SPEAKER_04 26:37

I'm like, that controls you. I anything that can controls you is an addiction. Like for me, coffee, coffee, energy drinks, like I mean, that's that's I know that's my vice, that's my addiction, and I can admit it, but it's just yeah, it's funny with like pots pot smokers, they're so it's not an addiction, it's natural. Doesn't mean it's not an addiction.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

And how do you know it's natural? Do you how we don't know what they're putting in all this shit?

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Porn's an addiction.

SPEAKER_04 27:01

The government's involved now, like they don't give a fuck about you.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

Yeah, it's there's there's lots of anything can be an addiction. Overeating can be an addiction, like working out, working out, like that kind of there's a lot of there's a lot of working out. Just here's the thing. I say this all often. I I always tell people I'm like, there is a lot more people that have alcoholic and drug issues that don't recognize it. Yeah, they always want to compare it to the worst-case scenarios of what they've seen. Yeah, but like I have always said, I said, okay, well, compare yourself to someone that doesn't use, and how do you look on on paper when when you when you compare yourself to that? Because that's where you really stand. If someone that doesn't use or doesn't partake in that looks at you, they're gonna say, Yeah, you got an issue, dude. You have problems.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

And this is coming from someone that used to over-drink and over-consume everything, like as far as uh the the the drugs and alcohol. So I can speak because I have experience on it. I'm not just speaking out of fucking bullshit.

SPEAKER_03 27:53

Out of your butthole.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

The next one is from Kaylin Benson, and she says, Toxic positivity. I 100% agree with that. There's a lot of that bullshit too that that that makes people feel uncomfortable because it's like, dude, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Yeah, it really isn't. And you gotta be honest. If something's going on and uh you're not feeling feeling well, like putting on a fake smile and shit, like how do I know what you're telling me is true? How do I know that what you're feeling is is authentic and you're not just trying to be sunshine and rainbows and all that shit.

SPEAKER_04 28:22

Everything's just fake.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Yeah. Keith Stadley says, Do you have a website page for your podcast at all yet? Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 28:29

Keith, that's cute.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Keith, I do. Uh it's on it, we're pretty much everywhere. You can find us on uh Spotify's the one that I push a lot, but I mean we're literally on everything. Apple Music, we're on all the platforms that provide podcasts. Taz your get comfortable, buddy. Anyways, next one is from John Down. He says, I might catch shit, but fuck it. People believing in the delusional thoughts of what gender you think you are when biology proves different. I'm okay with you portraying whatever gender you want, but I don't have to believe in your delusion. Well, this is a hot topic, and I am I'm going to I'm just gonna be blunt about how I think and feel about this, but I'm gonna start off by saying this that I 100% believe in and encourage everyone to do what makes them happy.

SPEAKER_06 29:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Be yourself, do what you want to do as long as you're not hurting anybody. But with that comes something to keep in mind that not everyone is gonna see things the way that you do. No matter how much you believe in your heart that you're this or that, or that you want to live your life this way, do it. Fine. But that does not mean that other people have to do that or have to believe in that or have to be on board with it or agree with you. There's going to be people that disagree with you regardless. That comes with anything. That could be with sex, that could be with um your sexual preference, that could be with your your religion, that could be with your beliefs and your morals, that could be with what you eat, what how you eat, like it could be with anything, with anything. There's always gonna be people out there that that don't agree with you or don't want to see eye to eye with you. You have to be okay with that.

SPEAKER_04 29:59

You have to be okay with that, and that's what makes being a human great. We can all be respectful and disagree tastefully. Yes. It doesn't have to turn into this hate thing, and I don't like you, I hate you, we can't be friends or family or X, Y, Z. Fucking stop.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Or if I don't believe in what you believe in, it's no different than religion or anything else, doesn't mean that we can't be friends or find common ground. I have friends of all backgrounds. I have friends of all different races and genders and fucking sexual preferences and all that. And I encourage them. I 100% encourage them to be themselves and do what makes them happy as long as it's not affecting other people in a bad way and not affecting me and you're not preaching at me.

SPEAKER_04 30:38

Like that's just it, preaching. It's don't shove it down my throat. You do you, and that's fine. Like I want you to be happy and do your thing, but don't force me into it too. Maybe I don't agree with it. Or it's I'm not on board. Doesn't mean I'm gonna treat you any different. It's just stop shoving it at me. Like, you do you, because I'm gonna do me. We can still be friends, all that stuff, but don't make me be forceful and then me to look like the odd man out because I'm not necessarily on board with what you're doing. Again, you do you, but why am I the bad guy? Yeah, I'm not doing anything hateful. I just I don't necessarily agree with that, but you do you.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Yeah, that's another thing I was gonna say is just because someone doesn't see eye to eye with you doesn't mean they're the enemy or the bad guy or they're a bigot or this or that. Yeah. I don't have to agree with you, but I can still treat you like a good human, like a good human should treat another good human because I have respect for you and I accept you for who you are and how you are and you being yourself and being authentic. But just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I'm against you. Like I said, I I don't we don't have to see eye to eye. I'm not out there giving hate speeches on this or hating you or not accepting you in my house, or I wouldn't extend a hand out to help you out because you believe a certain way or because you think a certain way. No, that's not the case. If you're a good person, I'm gonna help you out if I can. Yep. Doesn't mean that I'm the enemy if I don't see eye to eye with you with what you choose to or how you choose to live. As long as you're not hurting anybody, I don't give a fuck what you do. You be what you want. Yeah. You but also, like I said, keep in mind, no matter what you do in this world, there's gonna be people that don't agree with you, and you have to accept that fucking fact. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's it's the truth. So those are my thoughts on that. The next one is from Rabble Roe J. And Rabble says, Rage bait. You want on that?

SPEAKER_04 32:19

You know who comes to mind with rage bait? Ronnie Radke.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Ronnie Radke, the king of trolls, and I fucking love Ronnie Radke, man. Like, I I I preach the word of Ronnie every fucking chance I get to people because there's a lot of haters, even my own friends that are haters of Ronnie Radk. I'm like, dude, you can hate on him all you fucking want. That motherfucker is talented as shit. He can rap, he can sing, he can scream, he can, he's a just a he's a great performer, man. He's an entertainer. And any chance that I get to see Ronnie Radke live, I will see him. Great music. Oh, he's fucking. I love that he speaks his mind. I don't always agree with everything he says, but does it matter? It doesn't fucking matter. I don't care. I love the fact that he's himself authentically, and he's fucking hilarious. So if you guys don't like Ronnie Radke, fuck you.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

No, I feel like it was like what last year? Like he was coming up on my TikTok like all the time, and it it got I mean, I I think he's funny, and yes, I don't always agree with everything he says, but after a while it was like there was just so much because I don't know what was happening, was it last year or whatever? Was like he was just constantly posting and talking shit to somebody, and I was like, okay, at some point it's like okay, it's a little much.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

There's one where he's going off on this uh wannabe wrestler dude that was talking shit about him. I kept playing that video over and over. I was laughing my ass off because that guy, the guy that was uh talking trash about Ronnie was a character in himself. Like I was watching his videos, that made me watch his videos because he's a funny motherfucker, too. I don't agree with what he says and shit like that, but he was also saying he had some funny videos where I'm just like, this guy is like living in another world, man.

SPEAKER_06 33:52

Yeah, it's just it's funny.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Uh next one comes in from Elizabeth Craig and she says, number one, AI. Number two, gentle parenting. Number three, being vegan or vegetarian equals healthy. Yeah. I agree with all of these things, man. Like the AI is getting really crazy because some of it's like hard to detect, some of it's very obvious, obviously. Yeah. A lot of it is, but some of it's really hard.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Better and better, and it's scary.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Scary because pretty soon there's gonna be a video of you out there that someone can make and of you saying or doing something that you didn't do.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

Off that fucking picture of us in Cabo was the only thing that was off was the voice, but it was me like the pit it's me sitting at a table at one of the restaurants showing my little dessert or whatever, and AI made me actually get up and like do a spin and like talk and stuff, but it was me minus the voice. I was like, uh at what point do you say I don't consent? Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

I mean that's anybody could do it.

SPEAKER_04 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

I mean, well, here's the thing. I think when when you get on these apps like Facebook, you're you're letting them use your photo. Your photos are public.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Like now.

SPEAKER_04 34:51

But I think you have to agree to it, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 34:53

There's uh when you sign up for social media, you're on these fucking things that require you to that require you to consent to like your it's fair use. Yeah. So it is what it is. The gentle parenting, I 100% agree that that is some bullshit because you're raising a bunch of pussies that are gonna be entitled little shits later on, and people like me are gonna eat them alive when they get a reality check because that will fucking happen. I promise you that.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

I mean, and I mean, this may be not a popular thing to say, but it is what it is. You gotta instill some fucking fear in your child, otherwise they're gonna run amok. I don't you don't necessarily have to like well to me, there's a difference between discipline and beating the shit out of your child, right? But my mom, like, she fucking had me like trained. It was like she could give me the look and go, Mariah Lynn and the fucking death stare. And I'd be like, fuck. Like, I think my mom like swatted my butt once, and that scared the shit out of me. And I was like, fuck. I and I I'll say that to this day. I love my mom. She's like my best friend, the woman I love, but my god, I've seen that bitch scared and hell fucking no. She's the only person in this world I'm scared of. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 36:01

Yep. I I I hear that. So my the person I was scared of was my dad. My dad, I just had to hear his voice, and that was more than enough. And I did get my ass whipped, and I'm okay with like I'm okay with saying that, but it was it wasn't like abuse. It was, hey, I'm gonna correct this and you're gonna fix it. And guess what? I learned. Yeah. And we we aren't parents. I mean, we've got we got the fur babes.

SPEAKER_05 36:20

But take it for what it is. Take it for what it is.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

But I think too many people have their kids thinking that they're God's gift to the earth, and maybe they are to you and your world, but you're not doing them any favors when they get out to the real world and they get a reality check that the world doesn't revolve around them.

SPEAKER_04 36:34

So well, it's like have you seen the TikTok videos where it shows the uh where um it'll be a segment of different parents and their kids and they're doing the gentle parent, trying to tell their kid to stop. Like, no, okay, Connor, stop. Connor, stop. Connor I told you to stop. Connor, Connor, I said fucking stop. And that's when he stops. Is when he screamed at. So I think you have I mean, again, whatever, but you gotta instal that fear. I mean, and it's not I hopefully not meaning like traumatize your child, but I mean it's sometimes like that. Like, I know dogs are different, but sometimes it's like the same thing with the dogs. It's like I'll be like, okay, snapping my finger doing all the stuff we've trained, they're not listening. I have to be like Taz.

SPEAKER_06 37:14

Yeah, he's already looking right now.

SPEAKER_04 37:15

And then he stops and he goes and does what I just told him to do prior. And I'm like, you son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

Yeah. Uh the third thing here she said was uh being vegan or vegetarian equals healthy. To each their own, you know what, if that worked for you, that's great. But it when people start shoving it and getting uh ugly about it, I don't like that. Obviously.

SPEAKER_04 37:32

Yeah, but then a lot of the food too, like unless you're just really doing your own food and stuff like that. Soy, that's not good for you. No, there's a lot of bad stuff. That's beyond a meat, that stuff's not good for you. But it's vegan or vegetarian or whatever, but it's like and then like the dairy stuff.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

Well, here's the problem is that people just automatically see that it's plant-based.

SPEAKER_04 37:53

Okay, how what's the environment these plants are being like I mean, is this like Bill Gates fucking meat stuff? No fucking thank you.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Yeah, no thanks. So, like I said, teach their own. If that's what you how you live, that's great. Yeah, you do. Just don't get aggressive other people and force you down people's throats and expect them to do what you do.

SPEAKER_04 38:08

It's like the uh the joke. It's like, how do you know that someone's a vegan? They tell you about it.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Yeah, yeah. For sure. Steve Helmer says, consuming a fifth of Jack Daniels in one night. Number one answer. Yeah, I mean, alcohol is one of those things. Again, it's it's gonna be a common thing, I think, that's gonna get brought up on this. Alcohol is so fucking it's it's so normalized anymore. It's everywhere.

SPEAKER_04 38:31

It's everywhere. And I mean, it's it's on TV, it's in the movies. I mean, it's it's like you know, it's kind of like in the 80s, 90s when everybody smoked.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Well, they glamorize it by like, oh, I'm I'm like living this luxurious lifestyle with this badass car and I got chicks all over me and look at my clothes and I'm drinking you know, Jack Daniels, for example.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

Or it's like uh it's like it's like uh had a bad day, I'm I'm having some wine because it was a bad day, and it's like, well, that's how you know issues every day and every reason is a reason to drink anymore.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

It's like they to celebrate a promotion, to celebrate you graduating from this, or there's always going to be for an alcoholic or a drug addict a reason to celebrate or justify your use.

SPEAKER_04 39:13

It was a bad day. I gotta relax. That's always a big one that you see. Like, here's the That's always funny.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

They use it as an excuse to do it when something bad happens, but they use it as an excuse also when to celebrate something.

SPEAKER_04 39:22

Something good.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

So it's like, well, okay, which one is it? Yeah. Yeah. Uh the next one is from David Garrett Wood, and he says, drinking soda. Oh yeah. I'm so glad I quit drinking soda. Like it's been over a year and some months now, and I feel amazing. I will never ever go back to drinking soda again. I just can't. I will not.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

I just I think it's because I grew up on soda and I did too so much, and like in my 20s, I drink like late, like late teens, early twenties, drink so much diet Pepsi. Like when I drink it now, it just makes me feel weird, like whether it's n the regular or diet. But don't get me wrong, every once in a while I do love me a fucking fridge cigarette, a diet coke.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Can we just be honest here though? Like people that drink diet soda, whether that be Coke or Pepsi or whatever other diet you drink, you think you're doing yourself some good. Let me challenge you by saying this. You think you're doing something healthy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just a diet coke. Go do some research on what those chemicals are that are on that can. They're all cancer-causing chemicals. You might as well just drink the full fucking thing. Like, seriously. Doing this half-ass, like sugar-free shit, go look at what those chemicals are. Google them. It's not me just preaching some fucking shit to you. Go Google what these chemicals are in this sugar-free shit and tell me that it's healthy. No, it's not. It's not at all. It's actually worse. It's worse. Teach their own though. Curious Emberborn says, prideful ignorance in the superiority of one's opinion.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

I think uh that's I mean, I'm guilty of that myself. I'll be honest.

SPEAKER_04 40:55

Like, I I think we all are too.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:57

But there are some people that just really are just in it. It's like, wow.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

If I'm wrong about something though, here's the thing. Here's how I get my points back is that when I'm wrong about something, or if I'm proven, proven to be like, oh, you're a dumbass for saying that or whatever, I will admit to it. I have no problem. If I don't know something, I would much rather say I don't know than to tell somebody like all this feed them a bunch of bullshit. I will not do that. Yeah. So if I say it, I truly do believe it, or I did some research on it, or I have some experience in it. But if I don't have any experience in it, even like when I have guests on here and when they're talking about something, if I don't know shit about it, I just kind of I sit back and I listen and and I try to understand what they're saying and and try to keep up with it and maybe do some research myself. But I if I don't speak, and there's I think that's a there's a big difference in that. Some people just speak out of, well, I want to know all the answers. I want to have all the answers, I want to be this and that, and that's that's really not uh I'm I'm like you though.

SPEAKER_04 41:48

It's like I'm not gonna sit there and go rant and rave on something if I don't really know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

I gotta say face.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

That that's why I mean one of the reasons I don't go into like politics or talk about it much, because I'm like, I really don't honestly know that much about it, so I don't feel like I'm knowledgeable enough to really go head to head with people or anything. Not that I want to anyway, because it's politics and it's stupid.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

I like to go head to head with everyone about it. As far as like talking shit to the left side and the right side because they're both fucking idiots.

SPEAKER_04 42:15

That's where I'm at. I'm like, they're pushing us against each other. Fuck the government, both sides. Let's just come together. They can't kill all of us, can they? I mean, probably, but that's what they want. They want us divided. And it's like once everybody sees that and we come together, I think we're more we could be really powerful.

SPEAKER_01 42:32

Yep. Speaking of, uh Jeff Buds says, hate speech. And yes, there is a lot of that. There's a lot of that shit. And it's unfortunate, man. Yeah. Like that's that's when I start seeing some something like someone going off of something that I just don't like or whatever now anymore, I'm just unf choosing the option to not not interested. Yeah. That way I don't have to see it anymore. And it's like I don't I don't need to get in a battle with somebody about something that And that's how it should be.

SPEAKER_04 42:56

You don't have to sit there and be Fed this crap that like something.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

I do like being a troll sometimes though. That's that's fun. There's a there's a difference in that though, I think. Like if I'm bored and I'm looking to troll and just get some things lit up, I will go say some shit. And uh And then I and then uh what's funny is when I don't say anything back, I just make that little comment, and then it gets you just see that the chat completely blows up over that comp conversation, and I don't ever come back to it. So those people are like speaking to dead air because I'm not even going back and reading it. So that's my big fuck you to people that do that or to that are in there. The next one comes in from Carrie Nyes and she says, consumerism in general, fast fashion sites, Amazon waiting in line for six hours for Pokemon cards, having to have the newest color Stanley Cup, getting a new phone the instant comes out, the list goes on. It's so unnecessary and wasteful.

SPEAKER_04 43:46

Oh my god, Carrie, so true. The newest one I just uh because I'm I I work from home luckily on Thursdays and Fridays, so I just have YouTube running like podcasts and stuff. And there was one that I was watching where the new fad. thing right now is these like squishy dumpling things and people are standing in line for this to see if they get the because like it's supposed to be this big thing if you get the glitter one and it's just you know the girl that put this video together that I follow um I believe her name's Jamie Front she's hilarious but she did all these videos that she found on like TikTok of families and like how kids like one kid will get the the sparkly one which is the one you want you got the diamond in the rough like you're the cool one versus all the other colors. And so it's like the two kids will have it together. They'll open it one will have it the other one's crying and starting to fight with the other one because they want the glittery one. And it's just this little squishy like stress bald dumpling and then they I guess it smells just toxic chemical and it does nothing. It doesn't even light up it does nothing. And I'm like fucking Jesus if it lit up would you buy it? No.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

What if it had the dazzles?

SPEAKER_04 44:53

Well they have the glitter one that's the one that you want supposedly or like I know I have friends that are into it but like the labooboos and stuff. And it's kind of like uh what was the creepy fucking thing in the 90s? The thing that the trolls the not the trolls but remember the thing that was weird that uh Ticomialmo? No the little That was one oh god what was it? Had the weird eyes and people would say some even though they'd have it turned off like in the middle of the night it would make weird noises.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Yeah I know what you're talking about I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 45:20

I can't remember what they're called but those were big. It's kind of the same thing. Yeah it's just like the Tamagotchis and stuff too.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

Like it's all just it makes me wonder like how do they get these things to get like people so crazy about them.

SPEAKER_04 45:30

Like what is social media it's because they get kids like kids I mean that's a big thing too kids watch kids on YouTube open toys play with toys they'll you've seen it they'll watch them play video games and it's like this is so weird to me.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

I need to get I need to get up with my nephew Xander and have him start promoting American Otos or something build some hype around our gear and shit.

SPEAKER_04 45:51

He's probably I mean because he's growing like a weed he has the outfit but I don't know if he fits into it anymore.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

I'm here over here thinking like a goddamn uh salesman over here.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

But I mean I that that's a lot of what it is too especially like the kids stuff. But adults are doing it too. They're standing in line because they want to do it too and then they're you then then they open it and they're so like when they don't have the glitter one.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

It's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_04 46:13

I'm like oh I always find it on something that does nothing and it's just a toxic ball of plastic grown ass women trying to be like their younger kids is embarrassing. Yeah like I I see that a lot too mean girls when the mom's trying to be like yeah that's embarrassing.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

That's not a good look.

SPEAKER_04 46:28

No.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

Next one comes in from Lisa Clark. I was going to say alcohol as well especially at the concerts it seems like there is so much push for alcohol with booths, banners etc. Yeah that's a hundred percent uh true and then the prices too at the concert I'm so glad I don't drink because I yeah I remember there'd be like $19 for a fucking tall boy of course light.

SPEAKER_04 46:49

Yeah now I kind of like I think just seeing the prices and just how that stuff's just so overdone. I kind of get why some people just smoke instead.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

But I mean you know why not just go to the concert and enjoy it sober? What the fuck's wrong with that? Like if you can't do that why are you even there? So you're not that big of a fan of the music if you're if you can't do that. And this is coming from somebody that used to do it all the time. Yeah. So I'm not I'm not fucking being a hypocrite and I'm not talking out of my ass.

SPEAKER_04 47:15

I'm speaking from experience like I like going to concerts sober remembering I remember it and then I'm not being drunk and being silly and doing something stupid like you can still be silly and crazy and fun but do it sober and you don't look an idiot.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Yeah. All right next one comes in from Stevie Tice and she says all the above it's all about creating separation and fear and control. And then that leads to addiction couples with trauma politics religion yes I believe in God and Jesus but why do we need a third party like religions groups to get to God schools overworked all of it is to create separation from ourselves our energy within within ourselves and to create and to create separation from each other how many wars have been fought over simple things we need like food healthcare power and homes every single one and to be segregated to towns when there is so much land and water that can be used as homes to fulfill our basic needs that all leaves us as target targets for genocide 100% agreed with all of this and as she mentioned here like there's a lot of things it's crazy to me that there's a lot of things that are basic human needs to survive that we are like over price gouging with things like and and and for what like we're all here we all require the same things to survive some of us obviously are on medical devices or medication specific that you need to to survive and whatnot but we all need water we all need food we need land shelter it's just control. Yeah it is and it it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of how some people can just sit back knowing that they're price gouging and bombing other countries for their resources when we have resources here. That's it's fucking ridiculous. James Browning says that it's okay to hate someone for a difference of opinion. The face you have to work almost the fact you have to almost work 60 hours a week to make it grinding the dumbest shit ever. You get zero time to enjoy your life while making the ones you work for rich. Just about any type of social media culture that shit needs to go. There is so much we need to not accept as a culture, as a species and society. James I 100% agree with you on all that I don't think we should be work I don't even think we should be working 40 hours a week. I mean this is I'm a hypocrite for this because I do work around the clock but that's because I'm trying to pay off the shit that like if I don't do it it's gonna happen but why why do we spend so much of our lives having to work because of these fucking greedy corporations that are charging all this fucking crazy shit like overpriced foods and gas and all that like and I get it it's a lot more complex than just bitching about current administrations or former ones or this or that. But it it all comes down to one thing and it's greed. Fucking greed and corruption so agree with James on that. Jody McMillan Garber says consumption of porn yeah I mean that's that's everywhere. Here's what pisses me the fuck off about about it. I'm all about like porn yeah porn's great it's fun if you're like actually looking for it and and that's what you're you're you're actually looking for. But if I'm scrolling on Facebook or Instagram and all of a sudden some fucking dildo or some chick half naked is on there like why am I seeing that? It makes me look especially if I'm at work or in public and I'm like just scrolling through my shit. The people behind me now think that I'm looking for porn. No, it popped up on my newsfeed because some fucking algorithm fucking decided hey this fucking place right here fucking this chick is showing off her fucking butthole or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 50:42

And it was like a chick's vagina but she had her underwear just right to where you couldn't see the innards but her lips are kind of hanging out and she's like rubbing it and stuff. I'm like what the hell?

SPEAKER_01 50:52

Yeah it makes me fucking mad because it's like I chose not to see this. And I always select the option of not interested or this is spam and I report it but you still get more and more of it. And I feel like especially like Instagram now is starting to push the lines even more more than ever. And I don't know what's going on with the algorithms lately. My fucking shit has been shadow banned as far as like um when I post things not very many people are seeing my stuff. And I'm at I'm at the point where don't be surprised guys if I just disappear off social media. It's just a waste I I'm I'm getting closer and closer and closer to uh getting rid of it. And um I'll probably still have the band one obviously that I have to manage and the podcast one but my personal one I'm just getting so done with it anymore that I care.

SPEAKER_04 51:34

Well mine's getting better so it used to be and I don't search anything crazy but you know how like when you're in Instagram and you hit the search button and it'll show you just it'll automatically pop give you videos you could look at. For the longest time it was like those types of videos and I'm like I'm not even asking for that. Finally now as I look at it it's all going to flowers and gardening and stuff but it's like it throws in some of these like fucking singers like Sarah Carpenter and all that or not Sarah or whoever well even the singers are all like half naked too so it's like do you really want to see that yeah see right now it looks like it's getting better but oh it's just like what the fuck it used to be like half naked chicks like grinding their vagina in the camera and I'm like what I feel like the trend too now that a lot of them are are doing is like they're talking about a subject but they're being very suggestive with what they're wearing and how they're looking and the angles of certain things.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Yeah. Where you're like okay you're talking about this but you're really getting views for it because you're like accidentally showing a little bit more of your chest or a little bit more up your leg while you're sitting there with your legs kind of open with short shorts and shit like that. So I I agree. I agree if I want porn I'll go look for it. I don't need to see it on my social media. Right. Who looks at social media or who looks at social media for porn anyways? Like what the fuck there's porn hub go to fucking the Pizza Hut. The Pizza Hut isn't that what you had yours labeled as I don't watch porn of course not uh all right the next one comes in from Christopher Gorlitz and he says definitely social media at first it was great with MySpace but when Facebook got popular when it started is when it started going downhill massively. I agree oh I miss MySpace I'm just I'm fucking done with social media I hate it I hate it I'm posting less and less and I'm just like the algorithms suck balls and you're fucking with me because who knows what you're wanting me to push. I'm not gonna push and then they have those those ones where like you can go see what what isn't being pushed and they suggest you just start pushing that kind of content because then you'll get more views. I'm not gonna go push something that I don't believe in or what like let me just post myself people that follow me are interested in whatever it is that I'm posting let me just post what I want and let them be let them see it. It's just it's all a bunch of bullshit yeah Greg Fuller says alcohol which that's another one Peggy Knott says skinny equals healthy not true at all.

SPEAKER_04 53:46

Oh I agree with this I agree with this because there's so many especially celebrities in general right now like I mean male and female obviously a lot of female because it always is are like skeleton skinny and it's then they'll be on the red carpet all dressed up and everyone's like yeah you look so great body goals and it's like no you look like you have anorexia like they're just skin and bones they barely have any muscle and it's like no that's not healthy.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

No.

SPEAKER_04 54:12

There is they have a a disorder.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

Don't mistake it for shaming either yes don't shame no no no I'm not saying I'm just saying like that's not shaming it's being like okay realistic like that's not healthy. You're gonna go down a path that you're not you're gonna later ten years from now if you're still alive you're gonna be talking about like this horrible moment when think about it.

SPEAKER_04 54:29

Like this is just how fucked it is it's like remember like a couple years ago it was like pro big girls like big bodies yeah you're beautiful too everybody's beautiful everybody's beautiful but now it's like going back to glorifying like the like the heroine chic.

SPEAKER_01 54:43

Yeah that's close. I've seen people that I I've known that have gone down that path of just like getting super super overly skinny and it's sad. It's sad to see because they don't look recognizable.

SPEAKER_04 54:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:55

And it's like dude you look so much better when you were healthy looking. Yeah. It's it's just sad to see that society, social media all that kind of shit can can get people to go like it's kind of like they're pull you one way and you go that direction and then they try to pull you other way and it's like then you get lost and like you don't realize who you are what you are and it's well yeah and then like people start saying oh they're on Ozempic which maybe but that's what sucks is because GLPs in my opinion just because I've been on trusepatide compound of prispatide for three years um I've lost over 60 pounds.

SPEAKER_04 55:25

I feel fabulous. I think I look the best that I've ever looked but can you abuse that stuff? Absolutely so it's it's just unfortunate that something that's made for good can be taken too far just like anything. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 55:38

Yep last one came in from Bruised Wayne and he said constant comparison.

SPEAKER_04 55:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

And yeah I mean you're comparing your life to other people's lives that you see on these Insta reels I think John kind of mentioned that too it's like people are just showing you what they want you to see. Absolutely for the most part. Yeah. I try to show a little bit of everything like I don't glorify everything that I that I say or do. Like sometimes I just like I'm in the mood I'm like fucking I'm gonna post this and it's not that I'm glorifying it. It's just that that's where I'm at.

SPEAKER_04 56:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

But I I think that there's these people that like to post like their fucking fancy ass cars now they're traveling to Japan. They're out in another country in Australia and this and it's like you don't really live like that. Like and and then you make people think that that that's like a a a a normality and it's not. With that said I think last all the comments so I'll let you this time say your say yours.

SPEAKER_04 56:31

Yay well I mean there's just so much really to hone in on one. Give us the top three or five yeah well I mean I agree with so many of what all of you have commented I think alcohol's a big one for sure all that stuff work culture a constant comparison. My big one I do want to go into and maybe just as being a woman especially at 41 something that I don't want to again you do you I don't want to ever like dog a woman for trying to feel good but something that's that is worrisome to me is Botox culture. Botox fillers don't get me wrong I've had my lips filled it's been three years because I have no upper lip so whatever but I just get so concerned when when women are like oh Botox Botox filler filler because then you start making your not necessarily Botox per se but especially the fillers like the face fillers that's changing the shape of your face. I mean I and even just from doing my lips I've done it twice it's it it it does something to you or at least it did to me where I was like it's kind of like when you get a tattoo and you're like I want more I want more I want more it's kind of the same in the aesthetics world it's like doing that and I was like oh I need to get Botox now or I should get filler here or oh I need Cybella under my chin to get rid of my turkey neck or my eyes are sunken. So now I need PRF to try to fill those up and make it not look so sunken and hollow which is just part of my genetics on both sides of my family. Our eyes just do that um especially when you lose weight. So it can just get down a vicious cycle and it's like can we just again I want I'm all for women feeling good about themselves but I just worry that this can be so toxic. Like I just I don't know we should age gracefully and be so blessed that we are aging and get to be here and grow old. Like let's embrace it. I'm not saying don't ever do anything but it's like don't let it be too much because I see even celebrities like who was it it was Nikki Glazier the comedian she's done so much filler to her face and she was always a pretty girl and I'm like what are you doing? Because now it just looks so altered and you can tell she has it all done and it's like your face doesn't even look the same and it just hurts like it makes me sad that women are so insecure that they do all the stuff that really like fucks up their face.

SPEAKER_01 58:43

The the crazy thing is that later in life though too it's gonna be abnormal to look normal to age. And those people those girls those women that are not all modified and shit that's what guys are going to desire. That's what people are going to desire. That's what's going to be real beauty.

SPEAKER_04 58:58

The other ones that are all coming down from all this Botox and all this crazy shit that they've done to themselves it's gonna look really foreign yeah it's gonna look disgusting they're gonna hate themselves even more who knows what that's gonna lead to bodies long so I mean even with my lips I do worry about that I'm like how is this gonna affect my health later on but let's like let's embrace the gray hair let's embrace the lines you have laugh lines for a reason you've had a good life I hope and you've had so many moments where you were laughing or you're laughing all the time let's embrace aging naturally you're beautiful it is beautiful and we're all and everybody's just looking the same. Let's stop well I don't get that at all let's stop be you age how you are supposed to age why does everyone want to look like for example Kim Kardashian why would you want to look like somebody else I don't she's embarrassing and I I I agree I'm like sure she's beautiful in her own way but I I don't know I've just never been in that mindset where I want to be somebody else like I want to be me. Like yes I do buy good skincare and that type of stuff because I don't want to look like I'm 80 at 41 right but it's like I just I don't know I just I just worry about where this whole filler culture is going. I have noticed though luckily but there's trends it's whatever's pushed on social media because remember there for the longest time it was lips lips lips lips and people were just blowing their lips up too much. But now I feel like that's kind of reduced and has slimmed down a lot. So I mean people are still getting their lips done but more natural looking which is awesome but who knows maybe that big pillow lip look will come back I hope not because it looks like it hurts.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:30

But it's like oh just embrace being you we're all beautiful in our own way we shouldn't have to look want to look like somebody else you need to love you. But I don't know that's my preach. I 100% back that all let's just yeah you're beautiful just be you just age how you were meant to age. So love yourself. Hug yourself your turn.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:50

Well mine's gonna be very similar to what I mentioned about earlier like that many people said on here. It's gonna be alcohol uh we've normalized alcohol so much and it's like why if if I'm gonna go if I'm gonna go to an event, why do I and I'm gonna hang out with friends that I love. I'm gonna go see this band that I love. I'm gonna go to a sporting event that I love. I'm gonna hang out with the people that I want to see and be around why do I need to go that extra mile and put something that's going to make me drunk or make me high to enjoy it more. Yeah. It's just and I'm gonna probably forget it, who knows? Or not be all there. I'm not gonna they're not gonna get 100% of me and who I am. They're gonna get a version of me that's intoxicated. Like I don't understand like why people I mean I guess I do understand because I used to do it but then when I look back now hindsight's 2020 it just it doesn't make sense to me and I feel like anywhere that I go now with anybody that uses or drinks or whatever, it's like anything that whenever we're hanging out, alcohol always has to be in involved in it. We have to go pre-funk, you have to go drink beers in the car you have to go drink get drinks once you first get in walk in the doors and it's like why like why can't you just enjoy the show sober? What makes you feel like you have to constantly drink something or have an adult beverage or whatever the hell like to each their own but like I said earlier I think a lot more people have issues that they will not admit to and will not recognize I know some people say well it's just an afterwork joint or an afterwork beer. Well that's every day and you need it obviously because if you didn't you'd be in a bad mood it shifts how you treat people so I would just say alcohol weed drugs in general cigarettes vaping that kind of stuff it's it's it's normalized and it shouldn't be. How about normalizing being sober and and enjoying the moment feeling everything clear minded dude here's the thing and this is why I love talking about my sobriety so much is because I always tell people I'm like there's a big difference between someone that doesn't drink and someone that does drink and it doesn't have to be someone that drinks every day. It could be just someone that drinks on the weekends or drinks every other day or has a couple of drinks every day whatever your case may be. Your brain's not at 100% it's not there's after effects of alcohol and you're doing damage to yourself and if you smoke obviously that too you're slowing down your brain cells there's a big difference between someone that doesn't because that person is now on their right state of mind and it takes a while like it's taken me years like I said earlier to finally start feeling emotions. So everything that I feel everything that I think everything that I'm I'm I'm at my 100% best that I can possibly be under no intoxicants, no alcohol, no weed, no drugs, no nothing. And I can't describe the feeling but anyone that anyone that's been there that's drugged that's alcohol and all that and is now clean and sober can vouch for me when I say this that you get these feelings and emotions that it's almost like a second lease on life. Like I feel everything more intensified now and I enjoy it. Feelings I never felt before yes because I masked it so I get to enjoy everything now on with a whole different lens. And even if someone was to go like let's say they go to a show or an event and they're sober. Yeah you're gonna experience it differently obviously versus you being drunk but you still have that brain fog of using and and drinking and what have you until you've gone some time without it. So I feel like that's almost a superpower to me is to be able to say that I'm fucking clear headed it's taking some time for everything to leave my system and for my brain to recover and my clarity and my appreciation for things but I feel like it's a superpower that I have within me now and I fucking love that. I love that being sober now all the benefits of it including the the fact that I'm the best version of myself that I can possibly be and I was not able to say that when I was drinking even when I wasn't drunk but I was still like on like when I would when I would drink like if like I was whatever wasn't the best version of myself. I had that brain fog I had the the chemical dependency and all that shit. So I would say drinking is my one that I'm gonna bring up here. And then the second one's gonna be social media. And like I said I'm I'm so done with social media anymore that I'm don't be surprised it's probably gonna happen sooner than you think before I just say fuck these things and take a long break.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:59

I think I'm gonna close my Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:01

I I've thought about closing mine too but everything I'm just over because I I feel like I'm spending too much time focusing on what can I post or what and it's like that's not healthy either. I like to promote the band and that's about it. Like everything else is just for me now and being selfish with it. So with that being said this week's guest uh is Krista and she shares a very very good story about her life and hard fought battle with addiction and fighting against abusive relationships. And um it really like just when when she was telling me her story it really affected me in the in the sense that I just kind of like it was like oh my God I can't believe you went through that like and it kind of triggered the sense in me that made me angry for those dudes that that were in her life. I don't know Krista but the fact that these guys were okay with beating a woman that supposedly they love or beating a woman in general makes me fucking mad. Like what kind of man are you if you put your hands on a woman like if you don't love someone Or you're angry at them or whatever, go take a fucking walk. Don't be with them. Get the hell away. Whatever you gotta do. But putting your hands on a woman, man, you're a fucking piece of shit. You're a pussy. And you deserve to get beat down by a man. Or if that woman can beat your ass, fucking you deserve that. Absolutely. And there's women out there that can do it. So it's a really on anybody, regardless. Yeah. Don't no be putting your hands on anybody. And if you put your hands on somebody, you deserve to get your ass beat back.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:24

And that's how I feel. I mean, everybody probably knows has heard my past with my ex-husband and whatnot, but I feel too like it's not just on men. Like I feel like it's on women too. Like if you're gonna sit there just because there's toxic girls too, if you're gonna be one of those chicks that's sitting there trying to just punch on a man or whatever, and he punches you back, I mean, you're not right.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:44

You're not right, they're not right either though.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:47

But I'm just saying if you're gonna sit here and try to be tough woman, that's like just for no reason, or to be toxic or abusive themselves. If if you're in self-defense, that's another thing, right? But I mean, just we've all seen those chicks where it's just like fuck you, blah, blah, blah, and they just start swinging at it, dude because they want them to swing back. I think you deserve to be hit too. And you're both in the wrong, yes, but you're definitely in the wrong because you need to chill the fuck out. Nobody should be hitting anybody. But if you're gonna act like you're a big badass, swing and swing and swinging, you get fucking popped. I don't know, man. It's hard for me to feel bad for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:21

So uh Krista does share her story here. I I encourage you all to take a listen. Great conversation with her. And just I I it it's awesome to see that she has overcome a lot of uh things in her life like that. And uh, like I told her, uh very inspirational to hear her talk and tell her story and see where she's at right now. So please stay tuned for segment two with my guest Krista. Hello, everyone, and welcome to segment two of the Liquid Shape Podcast. Today, my guest is Krista. Hello, Krista. Hi. I'm excited to have you here, Krista. I know that we were talking for a bit to try to get you on here, and I'm glad that we're able to make this work out. And I know that uh you've been on other podcasts, so I'm excited to have you as my guest here and for our audience to learn all about you and some of the things you've uh overcome and the challenges that have come across your way. So go ahead and tell the audience uh a bit about yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:18

Uh thanks, Cody. Thank you so much for having me on. Yes, so I am Krista, and um I am a domestic violence survivor, and I am in recovery. Um, I've been in recovery f since January 13th of 2023. I originally got clean and sober January 12th, 2010, but unfortunately I um was not able to s to keep that date. But I'll go into that more later. I think the uh the big thing that I'm really wanted to focus on was the fact that I um was in a domestic violence relationship not once but twice. And I mentioned that because I was so brainwashed that I truly believed that I would always find these these men because it was me. I thought that I was attracting this kind of behavior because I wasn't pretty enough, or I didn't cook well enough, or I didn't clean well enough, or I didn't show them the respect that they needed. Um, and it took me a really long time to retrain my brain and realize that that I did not deserve to be treated that way, that I was a victim, because for the longest time I thought like he wouldn't hit me if I just did this, or he wouldn't treat me like that if I just did this. And I truly thought that they loved me, but I was just so hard to be around or so hard to handle, and I would upset them so much, and they were so passionate that they would become violent because it was that's how it was. And um, I always get hit with, well, why didn't you just leave?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:06

And you're something done, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:08

Yes. So it's I always look and I I say it didn't start out like with violence. Like at first they were very affectionate, they were loving. I was the most important person in the room. They made me feel like I was the most beautiful person, and they like smothered me, right? Later, I realized that that's like love bombing, but they would make me feel so important and so valued, and they would like get me gifts or just give me all this attention and they made me really feel special, right? And then I think it was like the first time we were at a party and some guy was talking to me. And I remember going out into the hall and I was drinking, and the guy that I was dating put his hands around my neck and held me against the wall and said, if you ever try to make me jealous again, that'll be the last thing you do. And I remember thinking, like, Oh my goodness, I don't think this is normal.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:09

Was it from zero to a hundred how that change happened, or were there little maybe some red flags that you kind of ignored before it got to that point? Or was it just all of a sudden, boom, like you have him up aga like holding you up against the wall, threatening you like that?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:23

I think that was the big red flag, like the first one. And then I was like, hmm, this isn't normal, right? So I just I went on, did my thing, and I was drinking. I got a little crazy when I drank. And um, the next day he was just he was super apologetic. He wrote I remember he wrote me like this three-page letter telling me I only got upset because I I really see a future with you, and you you're so important to me, and I really like I really want to make this work. And I I'm sorry I got so jealous, right? And so then I was like, okay, you know, harm no foul, it was fine, whatever. But then it, you know, then it was, I remember I like cut tomatoes and I didn't use a serrated knife. And so the juice from the tomatoes got on the cutting board. I remember he smacked the knife out of my hand and was like, you're so dumb. You you you have to use a specific knife. I can't believe you don't know that. Like every woman knows that.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:19

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:20

I was like, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:22

But it was just, it was only oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:26

It was, and looking back, I'm like, wow, I can't believe that I stayed right. But in the moment I was 19, 19, 20 years old, and was like, yeah, it was very foreign to me. Like I had never been in this, this kind of situation before. And I just I marked it off as, oh, well, he's just passionate or he gets upset when he's drinking, right? But he's not like this when he's sober. So I would always make these excuses, right? And it was always, well, I'm sure it's not, he's not always like this. And I just kind of let these little things slide, right? Well, then they started to turn into big things and bigger things. And I remember towards the end, because we were together for a little over a year, I remember I had two black eyes. I had broken my ribs like a half a dozen times because he was punching me. I was in the emergency room. I would tell them stories like, oh, I was playing basketball and I went up for a layup and she elbowed me and she must have cracked my ribs, right? And they all knew this wasn't new to them. They just said if if there's if I want help, there's a number. Um, but it they don't, I I don't think they push it too much just because if the person's not ready, they're they're not gonna leave. And I wasn't ready at the time, unfortunately. Had to, I really I thought that I could make it work and I thought that I could change, that I could be this perfect person. But the truth was, was I was never gonna be perfect because this person had like his own anger issues. And um, so I when I finally left, I realized like, okay, I I need help. And that's when I first got into the rooms of of uh recovery. And not too like shortly in, I think I had 90 days, I met the father of my children. And I was I was actually gonna try to join the Navy. I wanted to be like a Navy corpsman. And I remember telling my recruiter, like, I can't, I can't go. I I I met the love of my life. And he's like, I'll see you in two weeks. And I never went back. And we got married and things were okay. I got pregnant shortly after. Um, I was able to have a pregnancy, no drinking, no drugging. Like I really felt like my fairy tale ending was was happening, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:47

And uh it was for a minute, it was really good. But then he started drinking um a lot. He had a traumatic brain injury from when he was drinking. He um actually spent two weeks in a coma. And so before we even got together, I knew that he had issues, but he was always on medication because of it. But his like temporal lobe was permanently damaged from being in a coma. And he just never fully recovered. Even to this day, like he's in and out of jail. He just he he's until he addresses it, like he's I don't know. But he started drinking and things started to happen. And I remember my dad would have to come and intervene and take me and my son away because he would get violent. And um, it got bad enough after my second child that CPS got involved, and we we were forced to split. It was the best thing I could have that could have ever happened in the moment, it it was awful, but it gave me a chance to focus on myself and to do some therapy and realize that that there was no fixing this. Now I thought maybe I could fix the relationship and my kids could have both their parents present. And I realized that to have one solid parent is better than having two half-parents. And so I've tackled motherhood as a single mom. It has its good days and bad days. My son is 15 and he's testing the waters with his substance use, and so that can be difficult for me to navigate, but I have a lot of support and I'm grateful for that. But getting back to when CPS came in, I was forced to go to therapy and do trauma work. And at first I thought that it was bogus and I didn't think that it was gonna change anything, but I gave it a chance and I was open-minded, and uh I am truly grateful for the counselors that I had that saw in me what I could not see in myself because I was so broken and ashamed of who I had become. Like on the surface, I could fake it and I could tell you that I loved myself, that I believed in myself, that this wasn't the end, that things were gonna get better. But deep down inside, I I felt like shit because I had been told that I was for so long. And um, so those women that took me in and gave me that extra one-on-one attention, like I owe them my life. Um, I keep in contact with one she has over 40 years in the rooms. And um I tell her all the time, I say, Thank you so much, you saved my life. Like I, I none of this would be possible if you hadn't done what you did for me. And now I just want to give back and help women because I remember feeling that I truly deserved it or that I wasn't gonna get better, that I was always going to attract narcissists and abusers. Like I was always going to, like I I thought I was just damaged. Like this is this is what I get, and this is what I deserve. Like I'll never get better because I that was drilled into me. Like you'll never do better than me. You're always gonna be miserable, like nobody can handle you, you're out of control, all these things. And um, it's taken a lot of a lot of work, but today I can say that I that I'm not in a relationship like that, that I don't feel that way. It's not perfect by any means. I um, like I said, I'm struggling with my son, but it's truly beautiful today with all the the storms and the pain. It's um it's nice to not feel like I need to look over my shoulder or flinch every time someone raises their voice or raises their hand. For the longest time, I couldn't look men in the eye. I um if you raised your voice around me, I would cower and run because I I knew it I was gonna get hit at some point.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:06

And um I would have I witnessed my mom get beat so from my dad, and I had to, I remember one time I had to, I've talked about it on the podcast, but I had to grab a pen when I was like seven years old and stab him in the back to get him off my mom because he was choking her. So hearing you tell this is just it kind of brings me gives me flashbacks and it angers me to think that there's men out there that do this. And abuse is one of those things that you know it's not just men, men get abused by women too, but mostly what you hear about is the men that do this to women, and it it to me it's such a coward, coward thing to do. Um, and I I'm glad that you were able to get out of that. Um going back to the first person that you were with that was like that, how how did you get out of that relationship or how did that end where you were able to get away?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:51

So uh my dad actually gave me an ultimatum. I'll never forget. It was Father's Day 2008, the weekend before that. We had gone to Reno to try to make things work because I had left him. I left him a lot and that I would always come back. But we went up to Reno and I I don't remember exactly what happened. I know that I drank way too much. Um way too much. And whatever I remember bits and pieces. I remember he had me on the counter in the hotel room and he was smashing my head against the mirror. And then I must have blacked out because then I was I remember being at the base of the toilet and he was kicking my ribs in, and his friend came in and said, You're going to kill her, you need to stop. And that's all I really remember. And I remember I they took me and they dropped me off at a gas station, and I called my uncle, because I I didn't want to call my dad on Father's Day, and I called my uncle and I said, I need to go to the emergency room. Can you pick me up? And he did, and he was like, You need to call your dad. And I didn't want to. I'm crying, I've got two black eyes, I've got busted ribs, a broken collarbone. And I guess he called my dad because I'm in the hospital, and my dad comes in and he looks at me and he says, If you're not done, then I am. I cannot see my daughter in this condition anymore. And uh it was hard. It was one of the hardest, still like me and my dad are good. Like we we see each other on a regular basis. He's very present in my life, but I still have this hurt because I'm like, I can't, as a mom, I can't imagine what it was like for my dad to come and see me in a hospital room in that in that state.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:46

And um, and I'll never fully like for I I can't like I I forgive myself, but I don't because I'm just like it, like I always re like it just sticks out, right? That I'll I'll never forget that and that was the last time is he's basically told me if you go back to him like I'm done because I he's going to kill you and I can't see you kill yourself. Like you have you have to stop. And that was it. And um, it was hard.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:15

I bet. I uh just I I get the vision or the visual of what you were just telling me, and it's just it's just so hard to believe that someone could be out there doing that to someone that they claim they love, or just doing it to a person in general, like especially someone that they have a history with and and all that. Now you did say that the major red flag was that first time that he at that party that he had gotten all jealous. Was there previous things that showed that he had a little bit of jealousy or previous things that maybe you kind of ignored because you just thought like whatever that that potentially showed signs that he was a jealous or controlling person? Was he like that with his friends as far as like a control freak or anger issues that you had noticed before prior to that incident? That maybe looking back, you're like, Well, yeah, that was kind of the signs were kind of there. I'm just trying to see like if if there was any signs that potentially other people could say, like, oh, I know someone that's kind of like that. And and you know, like just to like keep keep open eyes out there if if some of these traits are are similar, um, that people can be aware of.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:17

Right. Um, yes, he was always kind of a hothead. He would get in fights like at the bar or at the club. I remember one time I wasn't even there. I had met up with him later, and he was like, I need to go to the emergency room. He was his hand was all busted up. He had gotten into a fight with somebody at the bar and and bailed before the cops could get there. And so he was definitely like the person. But I always thought that being this young girl, I'm like, oh, he's a protector, right? Like he'll never make sure anything bad happens to me. And but then I became the victim of that. It was it always, I always made excuses. Always. I was like, this person must have said something to him and and it upset him, or he was drinking too much, or he's just really passionate. Like I didn't want to see those flags as red, and I would always try to paint them green. But yeah, looking back, there were definite warning signs that I could see. I just I didn't want to see them. I wanted to ignore them because I when it was great, it was great. He was affectionate and loving and so sweet, and he'd open the door for me, or like he was such a gentleman at times. And so I was like, Oh, he really loves me. I had done like some cocaine, and I had partied for like a weekend, didn't really eat anything, and I remember he like forced me to smoke a blunt so that I would eat, and I was like, see, he does love me. And like I look, I think back to that, and I'm like, God, I was so delusional. But I was like, Oh, he loves me because he he wants me to eat, so he makes sure that I I smoke weed so that I eat, and just crazy things like that, where I'm like, wow, I was really in denial.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:12

Was he someone that was was he someone that was always like drinking or doing drugs or something? Like, was he like a constant partier? Someone that was just always like a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:20

Yeah, he wasn't sober very often. I don't think either one of us were, honestly. It was like the peak of my addiction.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:29

And you said you were 19 years old around this time frame?

SPEAKER_02 1:25:32

Yeah, teen, twenty. Because I remember I turned 21 with him. He was 22 when I met him.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:38

So that's a rough age. It's a rough age for everyone. You know, you start getting to be 21 and you get excited. I remember my those were my my partying days for sure. I was partying a lot, and so was an ex-girlfriend that I was dating at the time. And it, I think the parting just really further separated us and caused us to have drama, unnecessary drama, because of the parting. And so when you mix, I think when you mix drugs and alcohol in a relationship, it's just a matter of time before you start seeing the ugly in a person. Would you say that that's changed kind of how you look at others? Like when you start seeing things when you meet a new person, whether you're dating them or you're friends with them or someone at work or just something where you kind of look out for like these anger issues or these controlling issues, or that kind of like has it changed the way you look at people now to kind of try to avoid people like that or just kind of be a more aware of them from being around someone like this?

SPEAKER_02 1:26:29

Absolutely. I my self-respect and my self-worth has it's it's actually there now.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:37

Good.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:38

It's funny that you say that because I just like very recently had to hit the brakes with a person that I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. And we just want different things, and we're at two different places, and I we just had to pump the brakes on that, and I was usually this would be when it's like, well, fuck, like my life is over. I'm gonna go get loaded or I'm gonna go find some new guy because you clearly don't value me. So I'm gonna go show you that you're the asshole, that I'm okay. And uh today I'm just like, it sucks. Don't get me wrong, it hurts, but I'm like, it's okay because like everything in my life today is just a bonus. God wakes me up and my car is a bonus. Like these are things that can be taken from me at any time. They're just they're gifts from him, right? Yeah. And so this person was there for a moment. And who knows? Like, who knows? But it doesn't have to be this dramatic end of the world because I know at the end of the day, like, God's got my back no matter what, whether it's with this person or with another person or whether I'm alone for the next five, 10 years, like God's gonna take care of me. And it's a really weird, it's like I said, it's of course. It's sad, but it doesn't have to be this big dramatic thing. Like, I don't have to get loaded. I don't have to find a new hymn to validate me. Like, I'm okay. I've got my boys. I've got a job. I've got a house. I've I'm okay today. And so it's funny you say that because I was like, ooh, I wonder how I'm gonna do on this. I just I got got hit with some crazy news.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:24

Yeah, no, I mean you I love hearing that. I love hearing you say that. And I know, I know for listeners out there, I don't know Krista at all. This is our first time actually talking on here, but I am I it makes me happy to hear that and you say that out loud because yeah, you've gone through some through some crazy shit, right? You've gone through being beat down and controlled and some really bad, bad, bad things that no one should ever have to go through. But I from what I'm hearing out of you is a strong woman and someone that now knows like their value and when to cut things off and when when something's not right for them and you value your peace, you value your yourself. And I love hearing that, and I love hearing that you're saying if it if it's meant to be, it's in God's hands right now, and um what will be will be at the end of the day. You're not forcing something, you're going with it, you're thankful for what you have. And um, I think that when you live, especially when you're when you're fighting addiction, as someone who's struggled a lot with that, um when you wake up and you tell yourself, what hey, I'm I've already made it, I'm I'm alive, I have another day of breath, and everything else that I have in front of me, I can look at it and it's it's a blessing. You have your you have your boys, like you said, you have your job, you have a way to get to your job, you have a roof over your head, um and and people are gonna come and go out of your life. That's just that's just a matter of like whether they're relationships, whether they're friendships, whether it's a job or whatever, it's gonna come in and out of your life. But I I think that it sounds like you're on a on a good path right now with the with the mindset that you have of letting letting it be in God's hands, and not to get religious or anything like that, but I I I every morning I do wake up and I count my blessings, and that sets the path for the rest of my day. Some person on the road can really piss me off and cut me off, and it's like, do I really want to let that ruin the rest of my day? Or since I just reflected right before, you know, right when I w got up from waking up and I started thinking of all the things I'm thankful for today, that kind of set the tone for me where I'm not gonna let that little stuff get in the way and ruin my day or ruin my attitude or ruin how I'm interacting with with everyone out there.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:31

Right. I know it's so funny. I always think about that too, because like I used to have serious road rage, and my friend was like, try to look at it the way I look at it. She's like, when people cut me off, I'm like, okay, maybe, maybe they're in a hurry or whatever. And she's like, and maybe they're cutting me off because God's protecting me from something up ahead, and I need to get slowed down a little bit. And I'm like, that's a good way to look at it. Just to remove that that quick anger, I do that whole like, oh, bless your heart. Sometimes, sometimes I'm the asshole that cuts somebody off, not intentionally. Like sometimes I'm just driving, doing my own thing. I've got thoughts and I've got mom brain. And sometimes I'm the asshole where I have to wave and be like, hey, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. I didn't see you there. And like trying not to take things personally because I'm not the center of everyone's universe. Like other people have other shit going on. And so trying to just think about it like that, like and offer a little bit of grace, it um makes it a little easier and it my days are better.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:38

100%. And and it's like you never know what that, like you said, that person is going through. Maybe they're in a rush because they just found out that one of their siblings or their mother is like in the hospital or their diet or something, and they're rushing to get to there, or we just don't know what other people are going through that we're passing by. We pass by hundreds of people, whether it's someone at the grocery store or someone at on the freeway or whatnot. You just don't know what other people are going through. And you could be the tipping point for them to snap and lose it, and then now they go and do something crazy. Or you could also be that person that shows them that people aren't that bad, and even a friendly smile or a hello, or let them go in front of you and not make a big deal out of it could could uh bring them back down and calm them down or make them not think that the world is full of assholes.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:24

Right. But no, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:27

I mean, life is all about how you you look at it, and uh I think that yeah, it really does suck hearing that you went through everything you went through, but I think it's made a very strong person out of you, and I feel like you're someone that can just conquer some shit down. Like your boys hopefully are seeing that and they know your story, and you sharing your story like this gives hope to other people. That you know, I know that um I seen a lot of craziness happen with with my own family, and that's kind of what drives me, like with seeing my mom get beat, and her having three jobs to raise my brother and I and to make sure that we to provide was able to provide for us when my dad couldn't, and watching my grandma raise nine kids or have nine kids by herself and and raise them all, like all that kind of stuff is like inspirational for me. And it's like if they could do that, why the hell can't I get up and get stuff done and and push forward and make my dreams happen? And and when life throws barriers in my way, I think it's almost like this is just to test how bad or how strong you are and how bad you want something or for you to get through it so you can show others that it can be done. So I I think that uh hopefully your boys know the story if they're old enough to know and have seen what you've gone through to to have mom be a huge inspiration for for them to conquer anything that comes across their world their life. You said that you had one son that was struggling with addiction, like is it with drinking or drugs or so he from what he tells me he refuses to drink because his dad's an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:59

He smokes weed, and I was like, okay, just I I didn't want to be that parent that was like that came down really hard because I knew that when my parents came down really hard on me, I just did it more. And so I rebelled more, right? I wanted to sneak out of the house, I wanted to be independent, and so I tried to say, okay, if you're gonna do it, don't give me a reason to come down, like stay on top of your studies, don't get in trouble at school and always tell me the truth, right? Those were the rules. Don't and don't do it at home around because he has a younger brother who's nine. So don't do it in my home. And I thought we were good, but I've been finding out that he's been sneaking out of my house, that him and his friends borrow their parents' cars and they go joy riding and they, you know, and I was like, okay, this is where it's not okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:34:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:51

And I told him, I said, you look at the these like high school years, and this is all you see. I'm like, but I'm looking at the next 30 years for you, and I'm trying to raise you to be a good man. I said, and right now, you're not you're not there. I'm like, and so I've had to come down on him a little bit, like he's on independent study, he's not going to school. I've had to take his phone away and like really monitor. And I told him, I said, I I can't trust you. And it's been really hard. And you know, I was out in Texas for my uncle's funeral this past weekend, and me and my uncle were so close. We were so close. He had 38 years in the program, and um we talked on a regular basis, and we were just like we didn't see each other all the time, but we were just bonded.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:52

And um, when he passed away, he passed away from cancer and he was such a savage, like he refused to take opiates because of the pain, because he wanted to be present and cherish, like enjoy every last minute he had with his grandchildren. And I remember him telling me, he's like, Mija, I can't do the opiates because I'm sleepy and I I don't want to miss anything. And I was like, if you can do it, do it. I said, but don't don't torture yourself or don't put yourself in pain just because. I'm like, you can every once in a while, if you need to, like you need to. And um, he was a trooper until the freaking end. And um, it was really hard. So I went out there and I get a call that my son snuck out. And I was like, seriously. So I came back from Texas and uh he's like, okay, mom, let's let's talk. And I was like, I'm not ready to talk, like I'm not gonna say anything nice. And he's like, No, let's talk. And I'm like, okay, here it is. Like, I'm incredibly disappointed. I'm like, you hurt my heart when you lie to me. I said, You're not a loser, but you're making loser decisions. And he's like, No, I'm not. And I'm like, Joe, you're sneaking out. You're you're lying, like you're not being honest with me, and you want to go and party and be doing these cool things. I'm like, all you have to do is is talk to me and ask. And he, I said, I'm I'm disappointed. I can't trust you. And I just I don't have I I'm trying really hard to find the care and the fight because I it's hard for me to fight for somebody who doesn't want to fight for themselves. And he took that really hard. And so he's actually been putting in an effort, and I I don't want to get my hopes up because this is his pattern, but I'm just I'm gonna continue to just love him through it and offer him resources. You know, I know, like you said, you you saw a lot. I know that he saw a lot of that because he was like seven or eight years old when me and his dad split. So he saw a lot of it. And um, that was one of the things that CPS got involved with because he was trying to grab J his dad off of me, and he pushed him and he like cut his arm, and it wasn't bad or anything, but because he had a mark on him, CPS was like that had to intervene. But I remember him trying to to protect me, and so I know that he's got some trauma from that, and I know like I know for me, like I didn't want to deal with feelings, that's why I drank and used. Like, I didn't want to feel sadness, I didn't want to feel guilt and shame. I didn't want to feel any of that. Like, I just wanted to check the fuck out, and that's why I drank and used like I did because I was a fucking runner. I ran from everything, and uh, I see that in him. And so I keep telling him, I'm like, you're only you're only like putting a band-aid. I'm like, you're not, these problems are going to get worse, they're not gonna go away until you address them. I said it's a lot easier to address them as they come rather than letting them pile up because then you have this huge mountain of emotions and shit that you've got to work through. I'm like, take it from me, because I had 10 years that I just stuffed and avoided, but it was just waiting for me when I got into recovery. Like I had to address it. And so I'm trying, it's hard. Someone who's in recovery, and it's like, I see all, I see where he's going. Like I see all the heartache and the destruction and the despair, and I see all that for him, but I'm trying to to let him do, like find his own path, but it's it's really, it's hard. And I've really been leaning in and praying a lot. It's constant because I'm like, I know I can't do it. He's got to make the decision for himself. My dad couldn't tell me I was an alcoholic or an addict. Nobody could tell me I had to realize it for myself. And so I'm trying to, it's it's different being on this end.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:58

Yeah, I was gonna say, uh, first of all, I I wanted to say I'm really sorry to hear about your uncle. It really sucks losing someone, a close family member that you're really close to like that. And uh it sounds like he was a tough, a tough, stubborn Mexican, like like we tend to be sometimes, like not taking the medication and all that. Like that's definitely some shit that I would do. So I can I can relate to that and with my uncles, some my uncles are like that too. So my condolences to you for losing your your uncle and and someone you were really close to. Um just just hearing you talk about your son right now, it makes me now feel guilty just thinking about like what I put my mom through when I was 15 because I was smoking weed and I was sneaking out, I was partying, and she kept telling me things like, you don't want to be like your dad, do you? And all this, and like guilt tripping me. And I would I would think about it, but I think at that age at 15, we think that we know it all. I think that we we think like, oh, I just need to get through to high through high school. I need to be popular and have a lot of friends and all the girls after me, and and then I just need to graduate, and once after that, I'm set. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. And you think you're you think it all in high school. So I can just I'm trying to picture myself at 15 and all those things that I was thinking and put myself in kind of your son's shoes. And even even knowing, like, even though he knows the story about like what he witnessed and what I witnessed with my dad and not wanting to drink and not wanting to party because seeing that destroy my dad, my dad's life, I still did it because I gave into the pressures of you know, wanting to be popular, wanting to be liked by everybody, wanting to be invited to parties and included in the social life. Because when you're in high school, you think that that's that's all that matters, like is those things, and it really you find out later. It's like none of these people, I'm not gonna even remember them a year after I graduate. They're all gonna go their separate ways, including myself. And the opinions of others is you know, as you get older, you care less and you care less and you care less what people think of you. And it's hard for me to put myself in your shoes just because I don't have any kids, so I I can't imagine, but I've seen my friends that do have kids struggle with them being now teenagers and them doing things like getting in trouble and drinking or partying or lying and that kind of stuff, and it's like, oh, if I had kids, I would probably be this way. But it's like it's easy for me to say that without having kids, but I'm sure it'd be very different if it was my own kid, and who knows how I actually would be if I actually had kids and I was dealing with this. So have you ever sat down with him and kind of shared the graphic details of some of these things and as why you don't want him to go down that path and just had like a serious talk, not like not like a lecture, but almost kind of like a um you know how they do in Scared Straight where they like the TV show where they would tell the the kids like how they ended up in prison and how they went down this path from just one bad decision that just led to another, to another, to another. Have you ever had that talk conversation about kind of the the the stuff that you dealt with between abusive people in your life that you were dating to using and partying and all that and kind of how that led to some things that happened?

SPEAKER_02 1:43:00

We have. We've talked, we've had a few heart to hearts. He's kind of in this phase of well, I I know what to avoid. I like I know what where where to to draw the line.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:14

The know it all stage. It's that high school know it all stage.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:17

Yeah. And so I, you know, I've talked to him and I've told him like once you start making like little what is what I'm trying to once you start like letting little things slide and giving yourself these little permissions and like lines that you'll you'll never cross, right? Like I was I was never gonna do cocaine because I did I didn't want to be addicted, right? But then it was just it was just a little permission that I gave myself just to try it when I hated it, and then I craved it and then I loved it. And like these little permissions, like I would never let someone hit me until I did. And then and then it was like these little permissions and these little things. And then, you know, 10 years later, I'm looking at myself like, where was that? I've lost I've completely lost myself, you know?

SPEAKER_06 1:44:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:06

And I've I've tried to warn him, like these little permissions that you start to give yourself turn into big permissions and then a snowball.

SPEAKER_06 1:44:14

Snowballs.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:15

Yeah. You start crossing lines that you swore you'd never cross. I'm grateful I never, I never shot up, like I never did heroin, I never did meth, like because I was my dad did meth and I I was never gonna be like my dad. And like I I'm grateful that I didn't go because I see, I see how if I would have crossed that line, who knows if I would be here today. Like I struggled enough with just opiate prescription meds and cocaine and and drinking for as long as I did. Who knows? You know, and I remember like when I had my my sons, like I would get delauded and they would give me like fentanyl. And I was like, man, like if I would have had that on the street, who knows? I I probably wouldn't be here to share my story because I was a all-in, all the time girl. Like I did not have a stop. I wanted to party from the minute I started until I passed out, and then I started all over again. And so it I'm I'm extremely grateful that I never crossed those lines because I I don't think I would be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:23

No, that's that's very true. Once you start messing with those other ones, it's like you just go down this this this hole that like it just seems like you can never get out of. And I I unfortunately have seen a lot of people I grew up with that went down that path and are either in prison or died just from I had I had a buddy of mine. Um it just it hurts to even think about it just because I was so close to him in high school and he was getting on the right path. He was always in and out of like of of of drugs and alcohol. Uh but just this last run, he had been going for a while and he'd really gotten into being more religious and away from alcohol. And I think just one night he just said, screw it, and decided to just do it one more time. And I think there was fentanyl in whatever it was that he was taking, and they found him dead the next morning. And I when I got the news, I couldn't believe it. It's like this is the guy that's my age that I went to school with. I remember playing music with him and just to hear that he had been clean for a while for for he'd been going for a couple years, and then that one night that he decided decided to use, he got a bad batch of something and and just passed away on his bed. Like they found him dead the next morning. And just it's so sad to go so young. I mean, and and over over what? You know, just a a quick high. What uh at what point were like because you I think you said you had you'd been using for a while, then you got sober, and then how long were you sober for, and then how did you go back into using, and at what point were you realizing like let's talk more about the addiction part and substance ab substance abuse and like when did you when did you start seeing it kind of get more and more, and then when did you start noticing that it was becoming a problem, and then when did it go too far? And then let's let's hear all about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:07

I uh I I got sober in 2010, like I said, and I had almost five years, or I think I had a little over five years. My grandfather, again, who I was really close to. It's funny, like I was I'm was really close to like these strong men. And I don't know if it's because I had gotten through the abuse and I just clung to these like strong men in my life, but my grandpa was freaking amazing. Another, I'm so grateful for the men I've had in my life and the women, but like I've had I've been blessed with some amazing people, but he got Lou Garrick's disease and a man who was like superman in my eyes just lose his ability to walk, his ability to use his arms. You know, he was always he was a mechanic, a gentleman, like he was just a man's man, right? Like he would see something and then go home and build it with like you know, welding. And um, he built these custom rock walkers because we live up in the mountains by the Rubicon. And so they would build like custom Toyotas to drive through the Rubicon with, and he was just amazing. And I slowly watched him fade away. And uh I remember the night he passed. We went down to go see him, and my son Joe was at soccer practice, and I told my family, I said, Okay, I think this is it. I'm gonna bring Joey down tomorrow. We're not gonna go to school, and I'm gonna let him say his goodbyes. And I remember laying in bed and it was around midnight. I woke up, I sat up, and I looked to my left, and my bathroom was there, and I'm gonna try not to get emotional. But I look and my grandpa's standing right there, and he looks at me and he smiles, and he walks through the wall, and my phone rings, and I already knew like he was gone, like he came to say goodbye, and and that broke me. And I was able to stay sober for a little while until I was I made it about me and all the pain I was going through. And uh, I started drinking again. Of course, it was I would just have a margarita with the girls after work. I wouldn't, I wouldn't allow it to be at my house. And then it was, okay, I'm gonna do a margarita every night on the weekends after work. And then it was, okay, I'm gonna bring Stella Rosa wine. It's not gonna be the hard wine, like I'm just gonna drink this a little bit. And then I started to introduce prescription meds because that was a good idea. And so then I was taking prescription meds while I was drinking, and then it was just it slowly progressed, and then it was okay, well, I could take two pills at once. Or I can just chop four of them up and snort them. And it was just like it slowly progressed, right? And um it took me seven years to get back. I was able to quit drinking in 2019, but I still was doing opiates. And um I finally was able, like I I was doing that, and it was crazy because there was all these signs. Friends were dying from opiates, right? And they were doing less than me. Like I was I was at the point where I was chopping up like 40 a day and snorting them. And my friends were dying and I was like, okay, I'm just I'm really good. And I would make all these little excuses. Well, then my prescription, I couldn't get that anymore because I was showing addict tendencies. So what did I do? I got right back into cocaine. And I remember the last time I did it, I had taken my kids to my parents' house because I was I told them I had to go meet a coworker. She got into a fright with her boyfriend and she was afraid he was gonna put hands on her, which is true, but it it wasn't. Like she was in a in a whatever. But I I went down there, I did what I did, and I came home. And I remember laying on my bed staring at the ceiling, and I was like, here you are again. You just passed your kids off so that you could get high. Like, when is it gonna stop? That woman that I talked about saving my life, I called her that morning and I said, I need help. I need help now because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. And she's like, What do you need? How can I help? And uh, she got me into rehab and uh I haven't drank or used since. And like I said, that woman saved my life. She got me help because I I knew if I didn't stop, I wasn't gonna stop until I died. Because I I I tried to self-will. I tried, I tried keeping it a secret or like being a high functioning, like I tried all the things, and here I was 30 something years old. And I knew like the only way I was gonna stop was to die because I I could not do it on my own. And so I'm extremely grateful for her. And it's I knew I needed more tools. Yeah, I had gotten out of the abusive relationships, and I had found somebody that that made me feel alive and valued and and didn't raise his voice with me, didn't get physical. I found this this great person. You know, life was good in some areas, but I still was self-medicating. I don't know if it was the guilt, I don't know what it was. Like I I still couldn't fully function without something, right? And today I have to feel all of that. Like I said, going through a breakup, losing my TO. I've lost my grandmother and I all these little things that I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get through it sober. But I'm I have like tools today. I have a support group. I have women that have my back no matter what. I know that I can go to a a meeting and cry or talk. I know that I never have to do anything alone. I never have to feel abandoned or unloved or unwanted. Like I have so many people in my life today that will show up for me and just hold me while I'm crying or love me through whatever pain I'm going through that will help support me when it comes to the kids, that will just anything. And I've never had that ever. I've always had fair weather friends that were there when the party was going, but it's totally different vibe and recovery. I can have the my worst day and show just total defeat. And they're like, Okay, well, I love you. Like, let's go to a meeting, or do you need to talk? Do you need to grab a coffee? Just that overwhelming, unconditional love that I've always wanted. And I finally have that today.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:00

And and you're right, there's those friends that will be there that are always really they're ready to go to the bar, they're ready to drink or use drugs. But the minute that shit gets hard and and something comes along your way or you need them the most, they're not there. Or like as soon as they find out that you you're cleaning up your act and bettering yourself, they stop contacting you, they stop inviting you to things, and it's like, all right, fine. I just I know those those people aren't the real ones in my life. It's the ones that stuck by me through the tough times, the ones that see me through my worst and are there for me when I'm you know cleaning up my mess. What would you say uh like when whenever you get the whenever you get the itch, what do you think helps you the most as far as like is there something you tell yourself or something you remind yourself of or a place you put yourself when you that when those days are a little bit tougher and you're you're tempted to use um that that help you be like, no, I don't need this, fuck this, I'm not I'm not gonna go down that path.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:55

Right. I think it's um the fact that I I finally realized that it won't solve anything for me to get loaded. Sure, I might feel good for a second. If you've ever used cocaine, you have like a good 15, 20 minute high. Yeah, and then you're just chasing that you never yeah. And uh so it's like I it might give me that instant gratification and I might be able to check out for a minute, but like the problem will still be there waiting, like with my son. Like he's still gonna be going through this and trying to find himself. So if I get loaded, yeah, I might put a little band-aid on it and be okay and not worry about it for a second. But tomorrow, like it'll still be there because I'm not really addressing the problem. So I guess just realizing that it doesn't really solve anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:55

Causes more problems if if anything. I mean, you're stacking up more. I always noticed that whenever I was partying, no matter what I was trying to bury, like you said, it's still gonna be there tomorrow, but that was adding more shit onto it because now I'm getting high, I'm burning bridges with friends, I'm fighting with my significant other, I'm you know, doing this and doing that, having problems at work. Like it's like like whatever my issues are, that's just that's not that's gonna be there, but then I'm adding more to it. So it's like I I I I'm a better person when I'm not on that stuff, and I can think clearly make better decisions, right? Like I one of the things I noticed, and I talked about this on the on one of my recent episodes of the podcast, was that I I'm going into three years now of sobriety from alcohol, and it'll be four years in November from coke and weed and pills and all that other shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:56:42

Uh Wow, congratulations.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:44

Thank you. Um, congratulations to you too. Like it's it's I I love talking to people that are that are fighting the same fight as I am. It's not an easy battle, and everyone's story looks different. You know, what works for some doesn't work for others, and and vice versa. Um one of the things that I noticed the most about uh that I just recently noticed, and I didn't I didn't ever even prepare myself for this. I don't know if you're going through this or not, but it took me a long time to finally start feeling emotions. And I am way more emotional now than I've ever been. And I've been partying since I was like 14 or 15, like constant drinking, and then I always told myself, oh, I'll never do weed. Next thing you know, I do weed a couple years later, and then I'm like, I'll never do coke. Ten years later, I did coke, and then I got really into it, and then I'll never do Molly. Started doing Molly and pills and all that. It's like like I I related to what you were saying, where you just give yourself permission, little permissions, and then eventually it snowballs. But since I was 15, I was loading myself with intoxicants, and at that age, at 15, you don't know you think it all, but you haven't even experienced a fraction of what life is gonna bring to you. And so getting sober at 37, it's it's taken me three years now to finally start feeling emotions again. And um no one prepared me for that. I wasn't aware, I wasn't a lot of these things that I'm feeling now that like will suddenly hit me. I'm like, why did I take that so hard? Or why am I overthinking that? It's it's because I haven't I was always under the influence and always using drugs and alcohol to kind of numb myself and forget about things. And so now I'm fighting not only the addiction, but I'm trying to fight it sober, which makes it like that much more difficult. Would you say that you kind of experienced the same things anytime you got sober where after a year or two or whatever, you were starting to feel again, so it made things a little bit tougher, or am I alone and thinking that for myself?

SPEAKER_02 1:58:38

No, no. I am yes, I cry a lot more. I feel a lot more. I think my thing is like I feel energy. So like I feel that negative energy, that positive energy, right? Like so I'm like attracted to the positive energy, and I can get really uncomfortable when there's a lot of negative tension and energy. And I've never like I I've always had like a little intuition, you know, even in my drinking or using, like this isn't a good person to be hanging out with, like probably shouldn't be doing drugs with this person, or they're like a weirdo or whatever. Like I've always had like little feelings that kind of protected me, I guess. But like now it's for sure. And I like I'm a big advocate for prayer and meditation. And um, because of that, I feel like I I feel a lot, and some of it is amazing. Like I experienced true joy, like that that pure belly laugh where you're crying and laughing because it's and it could be something so stupid, but it's like just that pure joy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:48

It's real. Like I you just gave me goosebumps when you were saying that because I was I was just about to say that, and you just took the words out of my mouth. Like it's like even driving down early in the morning and seeing the sunshine and the cold wind hitting your face, like that is like I've found that that there's enjoyment in that, and there's some peace in that, and there's like something that I had not felt ever since like for years and years and years and years, and some emotions I had never even felt in my whole life. And so like there's something about that, there's a happiness to it that I can't describe. And I try to tell my friends because I try not to get preachy with my friends that do drink and do use whatever. I uh I don't like to be preachy to each their own. If they do, they do. And you know, I always feel like a lot more people have substance abuse uh issues that they don't recognize, but they tell themselves constantly, it's like, well, they compare themselves to the worst of the worst, and they're like, Well, I don't have a problem because I don't want to do X, Y, Z. And I always like try to think, I'm like, well, you don't have problems, you don't have problems like that, but compare yourself to someone that doesn't use and tell me that you don't have a problem. Like there's a big difference in that. But the emotions that you're talking about, yeah, that that that laugh and that the smile smiles and the the goofiness and whatnot that comes with it, it's like it's the best feeling ever. It's like it's it's a different high. I I feel like it's a high on life almost, is is how I describe it. Um because I'm just like I said, I I'm just thankful to be here and that I made it another day. And then every day of sobriety to me is just another blessing for me that I'm like, all right, I didn't fuck up, I didn't piss people off, I didn't use today, and here I am sober and and and all that. So sometimes it is hard though, like you said, like if if like you lose someone in your in your family, like I haven't and I'm knocking on wood right now. I don't know how I would deal with that right now being sober, because I've anytime that I've lost people in the past, it's like I deal with it with drinking or drugs and all that. And I know that at some point I'm gonna have to face it that I'm gonna lose some people around me, and it's like, how am I gonna how am I gonna prevent myself from going down that path? And hopefully I'm strong enough, and I think I am, that I will not choose to go down that path of of using in any of that. Um are you uh have you uh are you one of those people that have had to like cut off being around people that drink and all that or and avoid bars, or is it have you found strength in in not being able to or could control self-control and not and not being tempted when you're around those situations?

SPEAKER_02 2:02:13

I don't get tempted, but I do get very uncomfortable. That's one thing I do I find myself a I have a little bit more social anxiety. Like once I'm comfortable and I'm like around people, like I can open up and and be great. Um, but there is like a like a social anxiety. I don't know if it's like PTSD, like I'm feeling feeling people out. Like I want to know if someone gets violent, like where do I have to go or if something pops off. Like I I I always have like a little escape plan, right? I'm always and I'm sure that that'll lessen the more sobriety I get, but I do I avoid it for the most part. Like, I'll go to the casino and I'll be around people that are drinking, and I I can tolerate it up until a point when they start to get sloppy, that's when I'm like, okay, I'm out. Because I'm like, I see so because I know I was like, I thought I was the life of the party, and really I was just a sloppy hot mess. And so I'm like, yeah, this is when I exit.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:19

Yep. I am the same way. I was just telling somebody that the other day. I'm like, as soon as I see people like blabbering or talking my ear off, or they're not making sense, I'm like, this conversation's pointless. I'm leaving the party. It's it's my bedtime now.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:33

Yeah. Like I just I'm and I I'm like you. I don't preach. I openly talk about my recovery.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:41

Um I does it excite you to talk about it with people?

SPEAKER_02 2:03:45

It does. I've had some women say, like, I think I might need to leave so and so. Like, I think there's signs of abuse, and what did you do? I've been able to help some women or even like some men. I believe in not I try not to work with men because at some point, like, then it becomes like, oh, you might be the one. You kind of give weird feelings because when you're newly sober and then you find this person who's sober and oh, she's great and really interesting. I'm like, you've got, you know, you've got this little haze and fog, like, yeah, it's like uh what is that? Like night I want to say like nightingale syndrome, or you know, where you kind of fall in love with the person taking care of you, and I'm like, yeah, I'm not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:36

Yeah, yep, yep, yep. No, I I hear that.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:39

So I try to put them with like in touch with men. And um, but yeah, it's been good. It's it's kind of like a therapy being able to openly discuss and not have the guilt and shame. Because for the longest time, like I was embarrassed to even say that I was like abused, you know? And like well, it was, you know, the physical, like there was some sexual abuse, like just unwanted. Like I remember my kid's dad, there he said, Well, you're my wife. So if I say we're doing it, like we're doing it. And I don't care if you don't want to, like, you're doing it. You're my wife, this is your job. And just little things like that, like learning and being able to help women realize, like, you don't have to tolerate that. Like, this is not okay. It is not normal. When if you want help, like I'm willing to help you. And so being able to shed light on that and remove the guilt and shame, it's been therapeutic and healing. And um, because I I truly believe like I am here, I've survived what I've survived so that I could share with others and hopefully help other women escape. And um, and that's my big goal. And some days are hard, like when we were talking about my TO, I I did. I had a moment where I had like a little mini midlife crisis. I was freaking out. And I had to call my cousin, who like I I never knew because my whole growing up, he was in and out of prison, and today he's got over four years in in recovery, and so it was like me, him, and my TO. We were all bonded because we were in recovery. And when my TO passed, I've I've learned to lean on him a lot. And I remember telling him, I was like, I'm not gonna lie, I kind of want to just take a shot and just check out for a minute because it's it's getting really heavy, and he's like, You can't do it. And he talked to me for an hour and and um it was rough. I'm glad that I I didn't act on it. I just went to bed. I woke up the next day, I felt better, but for whatever reason, like it got really heavy in that moment. And that's the one thing I've learned too is feelings are temporary. Like the worst pain that I'm feeling today, like I it's it's gonna be less tomorrow. And um, I know that if I drink or use, it's just gonna intensify that pain.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:15

You're gonna regret it too. And then the regret and the guilt, oh my god, like that's that's my biggest fear. Have you ever had um I know I've had this happen to me and it sucks. Like I wake up in complete panic, but like where you have a nightmare that you gave in for whatever reason and you drank or you used, and then like you're just like you're so you get that feeling of major disappointment, but then luckily you wake up and you're like, oh my god, like it was just a dream, but you still kind of feel like, God, like that was a great, like that was a great realization that I that that guilt is what I'm gonna feel if I actually was to act on it. You ever have dreams like that, like nightmares like that?

SPEAKER_02 2:07:50

I actually remember having a terrible freaking nightmare that I used and I I didn't wake up. And my kids were trying to wake me and I I wasn't waking up, and they didn't know what to do, and I'm just laying there. And I remember waking up and I was like, I couldn't breathe. Like I I felt all I was like, oh my god, it was the craziest feeling. Like I woke up and I was like, like I was having a panic attack in my dream, because I'm like, wake up, wake up! And then I wake up and I'm like, oh my god, wake up, wake up. Like it was crazy. And I was like, yep, and that's exactly why I don't fucking use because I don't know if I'm gonna wake up. Like that is a very big reality for me.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:42

And uh that yeah, so I totally yes, using dreams. I used to have them, I don't have them as often, but that one was really bad. And that was a few weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:53

Yeah, I I can't imagine. It's like those paralysis dreams, like where you're trying to wake up, but you can't, like you're like you can feel yourself kind of trying to move, but you can't move. Like that's yeah, that's the worst.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:03

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 2:09:04

Well, Crystal, you're a fucking warrior. I'm just gonna say that, like, just from everything you've told me, we've had a great conversation here, and thank you so much for everything you've shared. Um, you are a tough lady and keep pushing forward and don't let uh don't let anything get in the way of your sobriety, don't let anything get in the way of you fighting. And I I I hope that our listeners out there um that can relate to whether it's they're dealing with abuse or they're dealing with addiction or both, that uh your story can help them. And you you I love that you're out there talking to people about this and you're sharing it. Definitely nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, like I said, you're a fucking warrior, you're a survivor, you're you're a fighter, and um your story can definitely help inspire others that are that are out there facing similar issues. Um and and it and I'm thankful that you're willing to come out here and and share that with us and with our uh audience here. Um, is there anything else that you'd like to say, share, or anything like that before we say goodbye?

SPEAKER_02 2:10:02

I guess uh just one little thing to leave people with is if you're listening and you think that it's too hard to leave, starting over is too scary. The idea, because I remember having those fears, is just do it a little bit at a time. Um, there are resources, there are people that can help, and I'm I'm happy to be a resource to anyone if they have questions or um are trying to come up with a plan. Um and just to realize that like no dream is too out of reach or too impossible because I swore that I could never be a single parent, that I could never provide for my kids. And just being able to have like my own house was huge for me. And I have a million other dreams that I'm currently pursuing, and it's all because of that one little choice to abandon the idea of the perfect marriage or of what I thought my life was supposed to look like. And once I did that, I finally realized like the possibilities are endless. So there's there's hope, and I I really hope that people can find that and it keeps keeps them motivated. And like I said, you never have to do any of this alone.

SPEAKER_01 2:11:29

I love that. I love that. And like you, like you said earlier, you said that uh you had a lot of thankfully a lot of strong men in your life, and that's probably where you got a lot of your inspiration and drive and determination. For me, it was the opposite. I had a lot of strong women in my life that inspired me. And I think it's a beautiful thing that you we can find inspiration in in either side, in either gender, depending on the strong people that are in your life. And now you're just sharing your story and and everything you've told me here, you inspired me. Like I'll think back on this conversation that we had and um Um I I think it's awesome you went against the grain and you did what you needed to do and that you're out here fighting and I guarantee you that your boys once they get a little bit older and they start realizing everything that you've done for them and what you've gone through, you're gonna be a huge inspiration, probably the biggest inspiration for them that's gonna make them make better decisions in their life and help them drive to to reach for their goals and to set up barricades and walls for people that come into their life that want to destroy their peace. So everything you're doing, everything you're doing is is gonna be I can guarantee that they're gonna see that eventually. Us boys, we mature a little bit slower than than than the ladies, right? But eventually we do see that because you know it took me a while. Like I said, I was a stubborn ass 15-year-old. I can totally like picture myself now at 15, like hearing your story about your son, and I'm like, man, I didn't think about all the things that I was damaging that I was doing to my mom, like having to put up with all this stuff that I was putting her through. Like I just thought about my popularity, my my social life, and all that stuff. So I know he's your son's probably not doing it intentionally, and he's just thinking like a 15-year-old boy would, but eventually he's gonna look back and be like, damn, mom was like fighting and she was she she never gave up. She went through hell and back for us. And he's gonna be inspired by that. And and so thank you so much for being on here, Krista. Yes. Is there a place you mentioned that folks could reach out potentially if you they need resources? Is there somewhere that you prefer for them to reach reach out to you on?

SPEAKER_02 2:13:25

Yeah, so Instagram, my handle is at reborn.resilient. Send me a direct message and I'm really good. At times it takes me a day or so, but I do respond and I do read all the messages that people send me. And um, even if it's just to say like thank you, like I I relate or keep going, even if it's to say, yeah, I think you're full of shit. Like I whatever like I like reading. I like hearing from other people, and I'm there to cheer you on because I I love when people cheer me on. And so uh Yeah, on Instagram I'm reborn resilient and uh I really connect with my followers on there.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:08

I love that. We'll make sure and have your handle on the description of the uh the show as well so that that way folks can get the proper spelling on it and figure it out.

SPEAKER_06 2:14:17

So Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:18

I'll make sure they find you. And uh, like you said, even if they talk trash, haters just drive the fuel for us to do better, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:14:25

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:27

Well, thank you guys all for listening, and uh, we'll see you next week for another episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast. Major shout out to Krista for sharing her story with us.

SPEAKER_02 2:14:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:38

That is the end of our segment two and this week's The Liquid Shape Podcast. I want to thank you all so much for tuning in. Thank you all so much for contributing to the question of the week. We love you guys and we love hearing from you guys. This is the podcast of the people for the people.

SPEAKER_04 2:14:56

And it's just a blast.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:57

It's a blast to sit here and hear you guys' thoughts and comment on them and all that. So thank you guys all so much. Huge shout out to our monetary contributors, Mr. Eric Sheets. Woo! Woo! And John Wold. Woo! King John, I should say. Sorry. Thank you guys so much for contributing to our podcast here. We appreciate it. Anyone out there that wants to contribute, you can contribute a dollar a month, two dollars, five dollars, ten dollars, whatever you're able to do. We appreciate it. There's links available so that you can contribute, and it does help us because it does cost us money to run the podcast, upload episodes, obviously, time to do these and editing and all that fun stuff. So do appreciate you all. And uh, I hope you guys all have a great week. It's great to be able to uh post these weekly and hopefully entertain you guys, educating, inspiring, um, giving you hope, whatever, whatever this podcast brings to you. I hope that uh it really does something uh in a beneficial way to you. Please help us keep spreading the word about it, share it, uh, let people know about it. I am always looking for guests. So if you want to be a guest on the podcast, tell your story, share it with with everybody. Your story could help save some lives, inspire some people, whatever. Please send an email to theliquidshape podcast at gmail.com. Let me know a little bit about what you plan to talk about, and let's schedule a time for us to do this remote. And yeah, thank you guys all so much. I hope you have a great week.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:22

Love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:23

Be sure to find us on all social media platforms, follow and subscribe.