The Liquid Shape Podcast
The Liquid Shape is a podcast centered on real conversations with real people—no matter their background, upbringing, or path in life. Everyone carries a story, and those stories are constantly shifting, shaping us through experiences both beautiful and painful.
Each episode explores the highs and lows that define us: personal struggles, life-altering moments, victories, losses, trauma, growth, and self-discovery. Guests open up about what they’ve faced, how they survived it, how it changed them, and the after-effects those experiences left behind—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
This is a space for honesty without judgment. Some conversations will be inspiring, others heartbreaking, uncomfortable, hilarious, or deeply relatable—but all of them are human. Liquid Shape is designed to make listeners feel seen, understood, and less alone, pulling on every emotion and reminding us that no matter how different our lives may seem, we’re all shaped by something.
The Liquid Shape Podcast
Episode 24 - Katie
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Segment 1:
Podcast hosts Cody and Mariah give you an update on their life and respond to the question of the week along with replies from folks who responded on social media.
Segment 2:
Breaking the cycle—this episode dives deep into the raw, unfiltered realities of addiction, recovery, and rediscovering life. Katie’s inspiring story of overcoming fentanyl and alcohol addiction shows that true strength is born from facing our darkest moments head-on. If you’ve ever felt trapped in chaos or questioned whether real change is possible, this episode will remind you that transformation is within reach.
Katie is a dedicated recovery advocate who’s built a 16-week Rebuild Program specifically for women in sobriety. She shares her journey from near-death experiences on the streets of Vancouver to becoming a bodybuilding champion. You’ll discover how structured routines, mindful nutrition, and focused fitness are game-changers for long-term sobriety. Her insights on building habits, handling cravings, and healing both body and mind offer a blueprint for anyone seeking a fresh start.
We break down:
- The power of small daily habits like making your bed and drinking water to rewire your brain after addiction
- How to integrate simple, sustainable nutrition and fitness into recovery for lasting change
- The importance of community, accountability, and mental health support in overcoming relapse
- The controversial state of safe supply programs and the need for more accessible, supportive resources
- The spiritual and emotional awakening that comes with sobriety, including feeling emotions deeply and reconnecting with loved ones
If you’re tired of the chaos, frustrated with the recovery systems that fall short, or simply searching for hope beyond addiction, this episode is a must-listen. Katie’s story demonstrates that even when life hits rock bottom, a new, healthier life is possible—one step at a time.
For anyone fighting their way back from the edge, or supporting loved ones along the journey, this conversation offers practical tools, heartfelt inspiration, and a reminder that your future is yours to rebuild. Learn how structure, community, and self-love can turn broken pieces into a powerful new life.
**Guest:** Katie is a recovery coach, bodybuilder, and creator of a 16-week rebuild program, sharing insights from her battle with addiction and her ongoing transformation.
Uncover the habits and mindset shifts that helped Katie turn her pain into purpose. Whether you’re in recovery, supporting someone who is, or seeking to improve your mental and physical health, this episode will motivate you to keep pushing forward—because changing your life starts now.
follow Katie on Instagram:
@katie.strongersober
Link to the 7-day rebuild free taster:
You are listening to the Liquid Shape Podcast with your host, Cody Perez.
SPEAKER_01Welcome everyone to a brand new episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast. Episode number 24, I want to say. Uh, with your host, Cody Perez.
SPEAKER_06Mariah Taz and sweet loving Lorenzo.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and man, it's been a while. It feels like it's been a while since we've done this. We skipped a week last week, and I apologize for that. Uh I've been really busy and also sick as hell. I am feeling like hell with these allergies. Uh, if you can't tell by my voice, it's all jacked up. Like I've been coughing like crazy. It feels like I got razors in my throat, and I got a lot of congestion, and it's just been a nasty, nasty year for allergies for me.
SPEAKER_06Oregon allergies. You gotta love the summertime here.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And then like last week we had, we were just busy with a bunch of stuff. But on top of that, we had we shot a video last week, and so that was a whole day. We shot we shot a video for the song Oxygen, uh brand new song single last Sunday, and it was on the hottest day of the year so far. It was like 90-something degrees. We're in mass inside of a shop with no AC inside and rocking out hardcore with light, hot lights everywhere, and it was brutal. Like it was really, it was just craziness. And the way that we shot it too, um, I won't give away the the secrets on how we shot it or anything, but the way we shot it, it made it extra like hardcore for us. But the video comes out and the single comes out this Wednesday, the 24th of June. I am beyond excited. It's a very badass song. So for all you out there listening, the brand new single for American Overdose, Oxygen, will be out on Wednesday, June 24th. Yeah. Make sure you check it out because it's a badass song. What do you think of it?
SPEAKER_06I fucking love it. It's a great song. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your girlfriend. I do love it.
SPEAKER_00It's catchy.
SPEAKER_06Well, and it's like we've mentioned before in here. I've mentioned uh it's funny, like when the songs do get released, I'm like, oh, I heard this like a year ago. Yeah, the song's been done forever.
SPEAKER_01We got like I've I've mentioned my multiple times, we have so many songs in the chamber that have not been released that that we just we're taking our time because we want to give each one of them attention.
SPEAKER_06Uh but the plus side, when they do come out, it's like I know them. Yeah. And especially when you start playing them in shows and stuff, I'm like, I already know.
SPEAKER_01And we're playing these on the we're playing this song anyways on the road. So people will get a live taste of this when we hit the road in a few weeks, which another thing I'm very excited about. And as you can see here on my desk, I got all this stuff that I had to buy, like throat singer spray, some vocal, like vocal style, like honey and lemon, uh cough drops, lot, yeah, whatever they're called. Throat coat.
SPEAKER_06Uh that would always make me laugh because it makes me think of throat goat. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Throat. So it's called throat coat, and they're legit lemon ginger cough drops for singers. And then I also have the throat coat tea that I'm gonna bring with me on tour. But we're gonna be playing the huge rock fest and cadot, Wisconsin, with many big acts, including but not limited to. We have I Prevail out there, Machine Head, ICP. There's gonna be Limp Biscuits, um, The Offspring. So many, so many, so many body bag. It's gonna be body count. Sorry, there's gonna be so many bands out there. It's gonna be a great festival. This is our third time playing it. I'm beyond excited for that. Like it's got 50,000 plus people there. I think it's even way more than that. But we're gonna play some shows along the way. We have a show in Idaho Falls, Idaho. We have a show in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. We have a show in Des Moines, Iowa. We have a show in before I forget uh Billings, Montana.
SPEAKER_06Um Montana's so pretty. Have you ever been there?
SPEAKER_01I've never gone through Montana, no. Every time we play it on on tours and whatnot, we always seem to like bypass that for whatever reason.
SPEAKER_02It's gorgeous. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01The one thing I know about Montana is that they have some crazy wildlife that just jumps out in the middle of the road. And supposedly there's like no speed technically out there.
SPEAKER_06You can speed as fast as you want, which is kind of scary, but which is because you'll see a bunch of uh crosses on the side of the road. I mean, so I have family that live out uh like Townsend Helena area, and I mean the last time I was there was like 96 or 97 for my cousin's wedding back in the day, and so I even then I remember there being no speed limit, but you see like a ton of like crosses on the side of the road and stuff. But I mean, it is what it is, I guess. But it was beautiful. Um, if you hit a lightning storm, it's gorgeous, it just shoots like it just uh scatters in the sky. It's so pretty.
SPEAKER_01I love that we're gonna be able to cross off another state that we've played in because we've played in almost every state in the United States for the most part, like the majority of them, not all of them, obviously, but a majority of them we've gotten to play and be in and and all that. So this is just another check off the list there. And I'm excited for because I heard that this town is like big on metal, like it's not a huge metal town, but when there is metal that comes through, heavy music, they show up and go crazy. So it'll be fun. Um obviously I'm nervous about my voice because it being out in the Midwest, different weather, different climates, and the the climate change always fucks with my voice, especially now that I have allergies right now, really bad. I'm hoping that they get better. But I showed up to practice on Wednesday or Thursday. I should not have gone. I knew I shouldn't have gone, but I knew that if I canceled, the rest of the guys would have canceled. So I was like, no, I'm gonna show up. I'm gonna give it my all. And I warned them ahead of time. I said, you know what, guys, I don't have a hundred percent of me here, but I'm gonna give you a hundred percent of what I have. So I came back and I regretted doing it because it's jacked up my voice even more. But it is what it is, and we need to practice and we do the best that we can for uh making sure that that the shows are badass and to the best of our ability. So it's gonna be fun. So I'm looking forward to that. And uh yeah, happy Father's Day to everyone out there.
SPEAKER_06Happy Father's Day, happy Father's Day to all you killer dads, we and and dog dads, dog dads, and everything dads and animal dads, y'all count.
SPEAKER_01Mariah got me an awesome gift. Tell them about the gift you got me.
SPEAKER_06So the boys and I did a little um art project for Poppy here. So I Padre. Padre here. So I I had uh a bunch of print uh print photos of the boys printed off at Walgreens, and I got this picture frame that has four slots, so you can put a picture, a picture for each boy, and then it come it came with like an ink paw print setup, and so the picture frame has Taz and his paw print, Lorenzo and his paw print. So it was I'm happy how it turned out.
SPEAKER_01Very sweet of you. I love it.
SPEAKER_06I don't I can't decide if I want to have it here so I can look at it a lot or have it at the office of that work, but well, there's more if you we can always I printed off we I still have a bunch of photos, so if you want something similar for work, yeah, yes. Look at Taz.
SPEAKER_01Like I bet you people can hear him. He's like panting, he's just so excited, huh, buddy?
SPEAKER_06But there's still um more there's more of the constructor, like the cardboard stuff for paw prints. If you want something for work here, we can always do more. I just don't have a frame, but we can figure it out.
SPEAKER_01Well, it it it's amazing. Uh it made me made my morning. I'm I'm loving it. I'm gonna have to post it online. My social media obviously is uh disconnected, but I can share it on the Liquid Shape Podcast uh Instagram, uh Liquid Shape Podcast Facebook, and Liquid Shape Podcast TikTok. So make sure you're following us on there because that's where I'm gonna be posting the questions of the week and all that. And I I feel bad because I had way more interaction from my personal accounts when I'd post uh the questions of the week and and all that and and more engagement. But it's been a blessing to be off Facebook, honestly. I was just telling you right now, like where I don't see a lot of bullshit. I'm I'm handling all the social media for American Overdose and for the podcast, obviously. So I don't really do much Doom scrolling for the most part, and it's just mostly posting for my uh two brands that I like to go out there and showcase. And so it's been nice and a good break from that. And I I could see myself just continuing on. I don't know for how long, but for as long as possible, just it's it's it's a nice break to be away from social media. So anyone that's out there that uh just feels like overwhelmed with it, honestly, unplug. See how long you can go without it, and it's a healthy way to just get away and live in the moment. Like I've noticed that I'm just not worrying about that kind of stuff anymore, which is great. So gonna continue that for a while. We had a good day yesterday. We well, you had a good day Friday. What did you do Friday?
SPEAKER_06Well, Friday I took off, so it was my hair did day, so I got to go down to Salem and see my hairdresser who's also my friend, so it was good to connect with her. She has a business that she's doing outside of hair, which is staging um homes that are for sale. Um so realtors will hire her to come in and decorate homes because a lot of times that does help them sell quicker, um, versus just coming into an empty home. So she's been nailing it at that, and I'm so excited for her because eventually she's hoping to have that become her main business and step away from hair, which I don't blame her. Especially as you get older, it's harder, not that she's old, but when she's 50s, 60s, you don't want to be foiling someone's hair like mine. It takes two hours to foil. Yeah, it's gonna hurt. Uh so excited for her, got to hang out, and then uh went Judy, one of my best friends, uh, she lives down in Salem, like a mile from my hair salon. So I went over there and hung out with her because she was working from home. So got to see her and her beautiful German shepherd, Coda, who's my little boyfriend. So I got the love on him. It's just sad to see him get old. He's about 13-ish. So and he's having some hip problems. So it's it's wild to see him get older, and especially I feel bad for big dogs. He's like a hundred pounds probably, and to have hip problems, but he's just such a sweet boy.
SPEAKER_01He's a good dog. He's an awesome dog.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think he's I think he's great. So he is.
SPEAKER_06And so yeah, it was just fun to hang out uh with Judy. Uh, because we did live together too at one point as well. Well, a couple times actually, thinking back about it. So it was fun to hang out with her. We went to one of our little favorite tap houses up the street, and she was sweet and called ahead to see if they had an NA on taps. I'm not sober, but I don't drink and drive. So I was like, I wanted to go there, but only if they had an NA. And so they did have a NA IPA. So I was able to sit and she bought me lunch, so I bought her a couple beers there. So it was just great to hang out, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and she's been coming up here a lot lately, which is awesome. I love I love having her over. So much. It was great to have you be able to go and drive to her and hang out and and all that. So she's an awesome friend. Uh it was fun to fun to hang out with.
SPEAKER_06Oh, and she loves you. Yeah. And then it was great because Cody's amazing, and I came home and he was grilling up steak, and it was just it was a great day. Great Friday. Very, very blessed. So Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then yesterday we got to hang out with some friends celebrating uh a great milestone for one of our friends' daughters. Shout out to Ella graduating from.
SPEAKER_06Ella, she got her engineering degree, so she's gonna do big things. I'm excited to see where she goes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it was it was awesome just being there and being able to socialize and hang out. And Rommel, of course, my bass player slash one of my good friends, fucking to invited me out to go walk the dogs because he always relates to the dogs most. It's hilarious just seeing him, just all excited about the dogs. So we we went out and took their dogs out for a walk, and then um it was just fun hanging out and being able to socialize and just yeah, it was it was great. And so And then we came home and we were feeling like death because I think allergies are hitting you.
SPEAKER_06I think it's what it is in the sunshine too.
SPEAKER_01But um, so we just vegged out on the couch and watched movies. Um what what were we watching last night? I don't even remember. I was having some weird and so we'll we'll have to talk about some of that too. But what are the plans for today?
SPEAKER_06So since it's Father's Day, uh we're gonna go down and see uh Cody's mom and stepdad and celebrate Lionel and then after that and I'm assuming Pete and Hope will be there.
SPEAKER_01I'm hoping they are, but my mom says they have not uh responded yet. So we might already have plans, but we'll see again. Take them some food.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, take them some food, love on my dad a little bit. Um so I'm excited to see all of them.
SPEAKER_01And we're bringing the boys with us. We're bringing the puppies because they have to spend the day with their dad too.
SPEAKER_06Well, and I'm trying to get in the habit too of uh I don't know if any of you have ever seen pictures of it from when Cody had his Instagrams up, but I have like this I always call it a baby bejourn, but it's like a little pouch thing that I carry them in. Um so we're just trying to get in the habit of taking them everywhere with us because I noticed that uh obviously when they're at home more, they lose their skills of being around other people and animals and they just bark and lose their mind. And so I'm trying to we're trying to expose them more so they're not as frigging wild.
SPEAKER_01So And they like to be with us and they're small enough where they don't cause problems. They're actually really good boys. I'm proud of how they are acting and they'll they'll bark sometimes, but eventually they just they get they get out of their system and then they're just like so. I'm excited to bring them along with us today. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a good, yeah, good day.
SPEAKER_06It is.
SPEAKER_01Let's see here. So let's talk about what you were finding last night and what you were that that to me is interesting and then saw brought it brought back a lot of memories of my childhood.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so just on my little TikTok group doom scroll last night, just playing around. I've never heard of this before. I don't I don't remember hearing of this, and I don't remember it being called this in my grade school, but keep in mind I went to I'm from Lyons, Oregon, so I was K through eight, like just town of 1200. So I think it was obviously just different in my school versus others. But um, I don't know if any of you from like the late 80s, early 90s in like grade school, middle school remember like any programs called like the gate program, like gifted and talented stuff like that, where they would bring in like the pink drink, the fluoride, and make you drink it. And then like they would do and it's like my memories are so vague. I remember the pink drink for sure, but then there was like all these I do too, as a matter of fact. There was like all these random um hearing tests that they would do. And I even feel like I re I vaguely remember them like I remember them like being in a room when I was little. I don't remember what grade and doing the hearing test for everybody, but then I also feel like I remember them bringing like headphones like around like to the classrooms on like on a cart, like they did with the pink drink. But then a lot of people are saying like in their schools, like they it was only a select few and they were pulled to do this stuff. But in my school, I remember that it was weird because I guess one of the things they did without having maybe a label on it, and especially in such a small school like mine was, they combined certain classes. So I remember my fourth and fifth was combined. So I had that same teacher for fourth grade in that same combined class, and then fifth grade, I was still in the same room, same teacher, just fifth grade, but also with fourth graders in it. So I was fourth grade with fifth graders, and then fifth when I was in fifth grade with fourth graders, but that same teacher. And so the conspiracy theory is that teacher was trained on teaching like whatever that the government wanted trained for that program. The gate program, some people remember it called it it being called speech or what it's like different names. They're referencing it as like how it's weird, like a lot of us don't have memories of it, but vague kind of memories. And some people have like kind of the conspiracy are allegedly saying that it was like a version of like MKUltra, and that it wasn't necessarily that you were a smart kid, because a lot of people are like, but I wasn't a smart kid. It was more of um they were testing you. There was like flashcards that they would test you to see what your pattern recognition and stuff was. The hearing tests were supposedly like a hypnosis thing, allegedly, right? It's all whatever, but it just kind of blew my mind hearing it. I'm like, I fucking remember all this. That it was like I do too, which is crazy.
SPEAKER_01Once you mentioned it, I didn't think about it until just you mentioned it.
SPEAKER_06But so it was um f taking kids that seemed um like who had heightened intuition, that had better pattern recognition recognition, maybe some psychic abilities. Some people say they even remember vaguely like kids being able to levitate. Like, I know it sounds wild, yeah. I don't remember that, but who knows in other schools. And then supposedly in this conspiracy, alleged whatever, they were looking for, especially kids that came from difficult homes, uh, military, a family of military. Um, there there was a whole list of like who they were kind of targeting for these because I remember drinking the pink drink. You never drink it.
SPEAKER_01I know I think I did now. Did you? Yeah, I was thinking about that and I'm like, I do remember it fluoride. Yeah, and they made you drink it.
SPEAKER_06And it was just like a smidge bit in the bottom of like a paper cup. Yes, and it was uh tasted like they say bubblegum, but to me it tasted like a chemically.
SPEAKER_01I remember that um and they had they would host it in the library of the elementary school that I went to. And you're right, they wouldn't they wouldn't select everybody. I I gotta look a little bit more into this because I'm I know it's blowing my mind. I'm like, you remind when you brought it up, I was like, holy hell, like I remember all like all you're saying right now. Yeah, I was I w I remember being one of those people and that the they they called it it was a hearing test, but it was like certain sounds that they would play in your ear, and then they wanted you to uh raise your hand if you heard a certain frequency.
SPEAKER_06On others, it was you'd hear because it was like a recording from the 50s where it's like where I think was the hypnosis one. And and and and it's all um about frequency too. So I think the initial one where you'd hear like the beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep going side to side.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Um, but then I also remembered there was like a 50s recording, like a 50 guy from the 50s, like the typical government voice, that was like, oh, you should hear this in the right side. Now you should hear me in the left side. And I don't remember what all it said, but I just, yeah, I'm like, what the fuck? And so a lot of people are saying who are like, oh my god, oh my god, that are like all of a sudden remembering all this stuff because we've forgotten about it or never thought anything of it, that they've always had like a feeling that someone was following them or someone was always with them. Some people are claiming, and this is gonna be wild, so obviously it's whatever you believe, but anymore with the government and what's been happening the last couple of years, I don't put anything past them. Uh, but people are saying that they're you could have even been assigned a handler, and that's not even necessarily like physical form. That could have been more of like maybe a spiritual being that like a lot of people are claiming to see shadow people. I saw shadow people all the time. I still do. I still see shadows out of the corner of my eye. I've always uh I don't think it's for me, I I've always had in like heightened intuition. I can walk into a room and know what's gonna happen. Who's mad, who's upset, who's happy, like I can always gauge it. I can always tell what somebody's going through. I make I can make like say even at work, like when something fills off, like and I'm talking to a coworker and I'm like, I think it's this, and it turns out that it is. I mean, I can do that in real life, just regular life too, my personal life. I can tell when something's going on. And usually I'm very right. But then I've always not necessarily psychic abilities, but I've always had like uh spiritual experiences where I felt f someone physically touch me before that wasn't there. I I've mentioned before on this podcast where I've had like as people have passed, I've had they always come back to me in a dream to tell me that they're okay. And it's not a dream of us just hanging out, it's you're dead. No, I know, but I'm here to tell you I'm okay. There's just a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah, it's or the one that freaked me out, even too, is a lot of uh people who are realizing this are like, I guess allegedly communication with aliens, so like grays. And I'm like, I had a I had an instance back when I was married where I had sleep paralysis, and I just remember I woke up and I looked at the end of my bed and there was two huge gray aliens at the end of my bed. And I just remember like I couldn't move and they were just staring at me, but on my husband's side of the bed, um, and they were just staring at me, and I just remember being so scared, but I was paralyzed, and then I woke up and nothing I like I woke up the next morning and was like, was that a dream? That seems so fucking real. I don't think that was a dream.
SPEAKER_04That's wild.
SPEAKER_06And I've always seen like shit in the sky, like UFOs or whatever you want to call it, weird lights. I saw all the time in Colorado too, especially the three, the triangle, and they would get closer and then disappear. Even when I was younger, I remember seeing it all the time in Lions. I'd see weird lights floating around like in my backyard, like not my back. So where I lived, we had a big backyard, but then there was like a huge field that's now houses, but a huge field and then a tree line. And I just remember a few times seeing above the tree line like lights f flickering, like a a f an aircraft just hovering back and forth, which isn't normal. Um I can lucid dream if I want. Um if I wake up from a dream and I like the dream, if like say I get up to go potty, if I still hold on to that dream, like what I was dreaming in my head while I'm doing my thing and then going back to bed, I can go back into the dream. So lucid dreaming, I guess, is a thing. I don't know. It's weird. Look it up if you want. If you want to be tripped out, just don't do it before you go to bed. Then you have weird dreams all night like I did.
SPEAKER_01It's it's weird looking into it. Yeah, like it's weird like thinking or hearing about it, and I I want to look a little bit deeper into it before I like throw out my my thoughts on all of it. But I think I've I do feel like something does follow you, like a sort certain spirit, because I've had like more things happen while we're like while after us like getting together than ever before. I've always had certain things that like once in a blue moon something happens and it's like, oh wow, like that was like that was very like like something that you would not ever expect. Like it's not real, I can't explain it. But I just remember when I first we were first dating and I'd stay at your house, like I had that one incident incident where that person or woman, witchy woman, appeared in your in in your room when you were getting your hair done, and I was just laying there and it was broad daylight. Not broad daylight, but it was like early in the morning, like at seven o'clock in the morning. You were already gone, and I was like freaking out, and I even told you, I was like, holy shit, like that that scared the fuck out of me.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, there was something in that apartment though. So it was a town home, so it's actually where Judy, my friend Judy lives now that I just went and saw because her and I had lived together in those townhomes where she's still at, and then uh once I was on my Feet a little bit more because that was right after I came home after my divorce and stuff. I moved to the end one, so 110, and the chick before it was a practicing witch.
SPEAKER_01And I believe it. Because then there was that one time that me and you slept in the living room. And I told you that weird thing like held me down. And it was oh it was the grossest, most fucked up feeling ever. Like I had like a paralysis, but it felt like someone was on top of me, like strangling me. That was really weird. And then never really had weird things happen here at the house, but since Gizmo passed, we hear him like now bark once in a blue moon. Like we'll hear him, and it happened almost a minute after.
SPEAKER_06We'll be downstairs in the living room, and the boys will be with us, and all of a sudden we'll hear a bark, like a gizmo bark from upstairs. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And uh also the lights. The lights always like uh like the one that we have in the bedroom, it turned on by itself. I remember one time we were laying there right next to each other, and you had your eyes closed, and mine were wide open, and that light, you have to turn it on with a button.
SPEAKER_06It's not like it's like the the the stepper, the how lights nowadays come with the little you put it next to it on the ground and you just step on it. It's not like a little switch, it's just like a round thing and you click it on.
SPEAKER_01And it turned on by itself when I was sitting there or laying there, and you were you were asleep, like technically, but your eyes were open, I think, and you were awake. You were awake.
SPEAKER_06I felt the energy from it because it was it was flickering to come on and then finally came on all the way, and I felt it even though I was dead asleep because it was like 5 a.m. 5 30, and I just felt it, and I just as soon as it went all the way on, I opened my eyes and I was like, okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So I always just I always associated that with my Aunt Patty that pass because after uh she passed, I think that was her way of ensuring that my cousin Sarah was okay and to make because this was like around Thanksgiving and I hadn't sent my cousin a text yet saying, Hey, come over. So I feel like that was her way of saying, get Sarah over here, get Sarah over here. Maybe not, but that's how I was always taking it because it hasn't happened in a while now. Because also, this is I don't know, whatever, but there was a Christmas, like two Christmases ago, I was I was doing my makeup because I think Parker was here or something in the room. So I was doing my makeup on the bed next to this lamp, and in my head, I was just like, Aunt Patty, if you can hear me, turn the light on. And then like 20 minutes later the light came on.
SPEAKER_01That's wild.
SPEAKER_06So I don't know.
SPEAKER_01That is wild.
SPEAKER_06I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I was having some fucked up dreams last night too, though. Like I I don't know why I keep having this dream where I am back in school and I'm freaking out because I'm like, oh, where I don't know what my class is next. Where is it in this? And it's always in the school that I went to. I went to Silverton High School and it's always I'm in Silverton High School, so I know the layout of the high school for the most part kind of. I, you know, I might have forgotten over the years, but I I have the main areas, I have it kind of in my head, the old school, the old high school, anyways, um, because they've got a new one since then. It's the one that we were in for my freshman year. They had two separate high schools, one for freshmen, and then the other were the 10 through 12. So I always have these dreams where I'm in school and I I don't know what my schedule is, and I don't remember if I have my homework or not, or if I had homework for each class, and I start freaking out. I'm like, I don't know where this class is, I don't know what time I'm supposed to be there. Where's my sheet that lets me know like where I need to be? Like it's it's wild that I have these weird dreams. I have that one too. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_06That one too all the time. And I'm just like so scared, and then it's like it's like graduation time or getting close to graduation, and I'm like failing, and I'm like, but I already but then like I'll have it too, where it's like I've already like walked the stage, but they're like, you aren't graduating, like you're or like you're not getting your diploma because you're almost failing. And it's like, wait, what? But I already walked the stage. Like it's I do both of those. It's really weird.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's it's like I've already graduated, but I'm back in school again. I have to do whatever. And it's like I think it has a lot to do with me always having to have a plan. And I I like to have an agenda and I like to have things like goals and I like to have deadlines for things, and then sometimes a lot of the people that I surround myself with, unfortunately, don't believe in those type of things, and it frustrates me. And so, like, no, I'm like, no, we are gonna have a deadline, we're gonna have a schedule, and it's gonna be it's what needs to be done is going to be done because it needs to be done by that date.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, just because I know myself too. I am a I can be a slacker, I can be one of those people that just like puts things off, puts things off, put things off. And I I still do with some things, but when it comes to very important things that I need to have done, I like to have a deadline and uh sometimes I put the pressure on myself and we'll wait till the last minute. Look at us right now. We're doing the fucking podcast right on Sunday when I have to do editing later and then I have to upload it tonight. So that is available. And we have a busy day.
SPEAKER_06So speaking of dreams and going back into like the gate program or whatever, so I guess a lot of people say that they have the same recurring dream of being in like some sort of mall like scape. Like it's some sort of mall. So like I don't have that.
SPEAKER_01Which don't really exist anymore. Malls.
SPEAKER_06I mean, there is malls out there, but there are very far like far few, like so essentially allegedly what they're saying too, what this whole thing was is to pretty much see who had these heightened abilities or whatever. And I'm assuming I mean I need to look into it more. So I mean, if if anybody out there knows any more about it or has their conspiracies with it, let us know. I think this is this is just so interesting to me because I'm like, what did they do? Like, what was that pink drink? Like, what did it do to us? It is a very small amount, that's what's it. It was such a tiny amount. Uh and I'm like, Flora, why would you swallow fluoride? I don't know, that just seems weird too, because we didn't spit it out.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know the the Nazis used fluoride to like dumb down the people.
SPEAKER_06See, and that's what it was. So that's what I'm saying is like they're if they it was for the that's why they call it called it gate, the gifted and talented. It didn't mean you were necessarily like book smart, it just meant you had this heightened intuition, X, Y, Z. So essentially the goal was to dumb you down to so you're not resistant to the government type stuff.
SPEAKER_01Or maybe that you couldn't be a weapon, you couldn't be a weapon. They didn't that they saw you as a weapon, so that was the whole point was to Yeah, that's that's that's weird and it's crazy that I didn't even think about it until you mentioned it, and then all of a sudden everything came back to me. I'm like, what? Yeah, you're right. Like I do remember all that.
SPEAKER_06The other uh caveat of that was anyone who's been a part of these programs, because it wasn't again for not everybody was in it. If you take a Myers Briggs test, personality test, because there's 16 different personality types, all these people that have been through this always are the same one. It's like INFJ or IFNJ or something like that. And I'm like, I think that's was mine.
SPEAKER_01I'd think that was one of mine too. Yeah, I'd have to do it again, but I'm like I took a professionality test, not like maybe it was like maybe 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah. Wow. It's it's I'm gonna look more into it. I'm gonna look more into it because that is uh that is very interesting and I love shit like that.
SPEAKER_06Because I'm like, I already have sort of ability and I'm like, and you dumbed it down? What does that drink do long term?
SPEAKER_01Anymore. I just don't trust. I don't trust people, I don't trust the government. I've said this many times. I hate both sides of our options that we have. I hate that people side with each side and they like they're willing to lose friends and family over it. I think that's really stupid. I think you're brain dead when you have that mindset of like, oh, I'm on this side or I'm on this side and I'll stand with this side because I'm they care about what I No, neither side cares about what you believe in or what you stand for. They use that as a tool to get you in and pull you and and make you a puppet.
SPEAKER_06Well, and it's like look at our our troops, our current active military, our veterans, like like you have to fight for fucking everything. It's like they train you to go to war and then you come back and they treat you like shit. Like look at my father, who was a Vietnam vet. Like he came home, like protesters were throwing piss balloons at him, like calling him a baby killer. Well, because you are trained to kill, right?
SPEAKER_01Well, not only that, but it's like, okay, you you these these folks went out there and fought for they're they're they're out there, they're out there getting yes, they're getting paid, but think about what you're doing to them and the conditions you're putting them through, and then like the psychological things that effects that it has on them afterwards, and then some of them come back with missing body parts and like mental illness and just things that will that will haunt them for the rest of their lives, and then they don't take care of them. That's what pisses me off. It's like they make it really difficult for them to get their benefits, and my dad is like fighting tooth and nail right now with the VA to get everything.
SPEAKER_06I mean, luckily it's getting better and better, it's I think is what it's sounding like. I mean, it's still hoops he has to go through, but like my dad hauled. I mean, you've probably heard of Agent Orange, but I mean there was a whole bunch of different chemicals like that. I don't I don't remember specifically, I think my dad hauled them all. I think there was like an agent orange, I think there was like an agent purple, like there was a couple different ones that he hauled. So he even gets like this weird skin condition that he never had until then. Even when he goes to the VA or dermatologist, they don't know what it is. Like it's just it's fucked up. His hearing's fucked up, he has hearing aids, vision's all shitty too, and it's just and obviously mentally.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it just makes me mad that they the the people that fought for their wars and for their agendas, they don't take care of at least it's it's one of those things where it's like you put them through this, the least you can do is make sure that they're okay and that they're they have a good quality rest of their life and you're providing them with access to the benefits that they deserved.
SPEAKER_06Well, and especially when they go from being in active combat to coming home, like there should be a transition period to go from that back to civilian life, not just here you go, throw you back home, and then when you fucking can't cope and you're having PTSD and all this shit and things are setting you off when say sometimes people get physical or whatever because they're being they're triggered and triggered, and then all of a sudden they're in trouble. It's like, well, what the fuck are we doing?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's frustrating and it's one of those things too, like where I I can speak to this from seeing people that have can't came out of jail. They don't have a just jail, and jail is uh I I've never been there, but from what I've heard and from prison, people, people have gone to prison, it's it's it's a very hard transition just to go from that to civilian regular life, getting back to life. They don't set to don't they don't prepare you for that, they don't uh get you get you ready and and and uh make it easy for you. So like imagine someone that's gone to another country and had to uh kill and be shot at and seen some shit that that they don't they don't uh they don't prepare you for getting back to normal civilian life and making sure that you're okay and all that. It's it's unfortunate and hopefully they hopefully at some point that that changes, but who knows?
SPEAKER_06I know. I just remember uh remember how like the army would always be at the high school and stuff recruiting.
SPEAKER_01I'm sure they still do that.
SPEAKER_06I'm sure they still do, and then I just remember coming home and talking about it, and my dad looked at me, he's like, Don't you ever fucking think you're joining? I was like, Okay.
SPEAKER_00Don't blame him.
SPEAKER_06I'm like, I believe him, Vietnam vet. So he was got fucked royally, so Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you're getting ready for a trip to Colorado this week.
SPEAKER_06I'm excited seeing the bestie, and then seeing my one of my favorite bands, Dirty Heads. That'll be so much fun. They just had their new album that was released a week or two ago, so I am stoked.
SPEAKER_01That's gonna be fun. I'm I'm excited for you to go out there and visit Amanda. She's uh she's awesome and she's she just came out here and visited multiple times, so now it's your turn to repay the favor.
SPEAKER_06Oh my gosh. Uh well, I haven't I didn't totally forgot. It's like I haven't been out there since 2020. I'm like, oh my god. I thought it like I'd been out there like well, like in 2021 or something, but I guess I didn't. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01All right. Well, let's get to the question of the week, which was two weeks ago. I know I thought that I was going to do another episode last week to or this week. We're gonna release one this week, like last minute, even after the Monday. So I do apologize again. That could happen, especially now that I'm gonna hit the road here in a couple of weeks. I may not be able to be doing the weekly podcast while we're out there, just it'll be harder. But I thought about doing a podcast on the road with us, like the band, and just getting you guys getting a taste of what it's like to be in the van. That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_06But I'm very afraid a quick one. It doesn't have to be long.
SPEAKER_01I'm just afraid of the things that might be said on there that could get us into some trouble and like hot water because those conversations are really, really, really funny, but really fucked up too. So I'm sure it would piss off a lot of people. Uh, our sense of humor is not for everybody. I understand that it's not PC friendly, and we're just not PC people, period. Like we grew up in the generation of the the more offensive, the better. And it's not that you're it's not that you're a sexist or a bigot or a racist or any of those things. It's that everyone deserves to be made fun of because it's it's just the way we grew up, and everything is funny. There's there's a lot of there you can find humor in anything in everything, and it's okay.
SPEAKER_06To me, it's like a form of love because my family's like that too. We roast each other, but it's all in good humor.
SPEAKER_01That's how all my friendships are. That's how my it is with my family. We talk trash to each other, but we love each other, and yeah, we're comfortable to the point where it's it's okay to do that. It's like when like it's just a way of showing it an expression of of caring. If I don't say anything, I don't make fun of you, it's that I don't know you that on that level, or maybe I don't like you. Like it's just as plain and simple as that. So, with that said, we'll do the question of the week. We only got like two responses, I think, and then we'll give our answers, or maybe we'll give our answers first, and then we'll read what was said. But I'll read the question of the week for that we posted last week or two weeks ago. It was. What is one piece of advice you ignored that turned out to be exactly what you needed to hear? And then some follow-up questions were why didn't you listen to it at that time? What changed your perspective? If you could go back, would you do anything differently? What advice would you now give someone in the same situation? And I'll let you go first.
SPEAKER_06You go first.
SPEAKER_01Well, I asked the question you're gonna forget by the time I answer, so I'm gonna let you go since you just heard the question.
SPEAKER_06What advice you ignored that turned out to be exactly what you needed to hear? So this is I can't think of anything specific, but I think it's just like any advice my parents always gave, like, make sure to do this or make sure to do that. And I was like, what the fuck do you know? And then you hit like a certain age and you're like, oh my god, they knew what the fuck they were talking about. Why didn't I listen to them?
SPEAKER_01You speak from experience. The the elderly do speak from experience, they tell you because now I feel like I'm that guy that gives advice, and then the younger people that are ignorant and cocky and think they know it all, are just like, oh yeah, that was your time. And it's like the times the times have changed, but they haven't changed that much.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I don't know. I think like another thing too was how after graduating high school, have a plan for the future, XYZ, and it's like I didn't really have a plan for the future. I just kind of lived day by day. So there are times when I look back, I'm like, oh man, I wish I could have had like the mindset that I have now, but then like because how far the mindset or the drive? Or the I think both because I was just so like naive and just in the moment of what would you do? Drinking a lot, of course.
SPEAKER_01So I'm like So you're saying you wouldn't have done those things.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, like I would have applied myself better. Like maybe in my career, I wouldn't have waited so long to like finish college and then like start a career. But then now being 41, I'm in the mindset of like, fuck a career, fuck all that stuff. I would just want to be like bare feet in the ground, like around my family. I don't want to climb a ladder, I don't want to give my life to a company more than I need to just to survive. So I'm kinda always. I like that.
SPEAKER_00I like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Um, why didn't you listen to it at the time? Because I've always been one of those people. It's like, don't tell me what to do. No one's gonna tell me what to do. I live my life, I'm in control of me, and then I always have to learn the hard way, right? I mean, kind of like getting married after a month. Who does that?
SPEAKER_01How many people told you not to do it and what were they saying to you about that? Let's just let's talk about that a little bit. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06A lot. Like all my like I worked at a Ford dealership then, a Ford Acura Mercedes Mercedes dealership. And all the salesmen were like coming to me and they're like, You're a fucking idiot. What are you doing? You don't know this guy. My family's like, What? But my mom and dad, like they know me, and that's always been my mindset. Like, you're not gonna tell me you can't tell me no. I mean, I was 27 too, so but I just ignored everybody. What changed your perspective? I think just getting older and experienced and saying, realizing like I didn't have to learn the hard way with everything. It's like if I would have just listened and I don't know if that's called the easier route or what, but at the same time, I don't have regrets because I think I needed to experience that everything I went through, good and bad.
SPEAKER_01What's funny is like I was telling you yesterday, I knew when I saw that you were married, I was like, that's not gonna work. I knew right away. I I instantly was like, oh, it's just a matter of time, and that won't last very long. So I was telling you this yesterday, and you looked at me here like, oh, you fucker, blah, blah, blah you cursed me. I'm like, no, I didn't curse you. I've seen this so many times, like where I have friends that I see them get in a relationship and I'm like, I know that person so well. This is not gonna work. It's only gonna be a matter of time. Or when they get married, I'm like, you've already been married and it didn't work out. What makes you think this is gonna work out this time? I just know your personality type, it's not gonna work. And it's not that I'm hating or I'm talking trash or anything like that. People can change, yes. Yeah, but I when I know someone and I see them do something like that, I'm just like, that's a that's a bad combination of people where that person is very difficult. I don't think they change that much, at least from what I know. It's only a matter of time. And when I saw you getting married, I was like, well, that and especially since I knew you had didn't really even know this guy out of nowhere, you're all of a sudden Ryan Mexican. I was like, What? I know I wasn't hating, I was just like, all right, we'll see. I know I was teasing you. Let's watch this shit show.
SPEAKER_06I was teasing you because I was like, you were just mad because you're like, that's my girl. If you could if you could go back, would you do anything differently? Yeah, yes and no, because again, I don't regret things because I had fun, got a lot of experiences out, good and bad. But then also I think I would have my biggest thing, I think I would have goals. I don't think I ever had goals in place because the goal was just to be with friends and party, really.
SPEAKER_01Let's talk about that. Do you have goals right now and that you that you're reaching towards and that you're striving for and that you're writing down and that you're doing all these things for? You do?
SPEAKER_06I try to keep a goal each year, whether it's like a few years ago was graduating college or you know, getting this debt down, or just it's across the board, whether it's personal or career-wise, or working out more, getting healthy. Um, right now it's again to get back into the routine of working out because I'm naughty and I have not in a long time. And I need to it's important, especially for women in their 40s to lift, like to do some sort of weights. I mean, you don't necessarily have to be like bodybuilders heavy lifting, but it's for your bone density and stuff to keep it up. So I just don't want to put myself at risk with that.
SPEAKER_01It's never well, I just well, I guess my point is it's never too late. So you you you were talking kind of like right there where it almost seemed like they're like you can't have goals after that. No, you goals are so.
SPEAKER_06I just mean like I should have had goals back then because I was just more of like bouncing around everywhere, just having fun, having like focused more on like the having fun and partying and going out six nights a week and blah, blah, blah, which I think everybody did, but um, I don't know. I just kind of wish I wouldn't have just done that all the time.
SPEAKER_01You wouldn't have the experience you have today though. Exactly. And the knowledge, and you wouldn't have gotten out of your system because I know people that don't do that, and they're for example, and I'm not using any names or anything like that, but there's people that have kids really super young and they're they're a great parent in their younger days, but they didn't get to experience that. So then later when they're like in their 30s or 40s or even in their f into their 50s, they all of a sudden have like this midlife crisis where they're acting like they're 20-year-olds again and going crazy, like partying, partying, party or uh date hopping and one night stands and all that stuff. And it's like, well, they didn't get out of their system when they were younger, so now they're doing it. And it's not once once you're older, it's not a very good look.
SPEAKER_02No, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Teach their own, do your thing, right? But but it does not it's it's more forgivable when you are younger, luckily, than if you're in your forties and fifties and you're doing that. It's not a good look.
SPEAKER_06That's one thing I did listen to my mom because she did tell me from an uh a young age, she's like, She's like, whether or not you ever want to get married or have kids or whatnot, she's like, My rec my advice is to get the fun out of your system before you do all that. Whatever you're doing. No, but like if you're gonna there's just certain things that are harder to do when you are married with kids. So if that's what you're wanting, ensure that you're getting whatever experiences you're trying to experience that you may not be able to do in that capacity, do it before that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think that's a lot of the reason why I didn't want to have kids. Is like I I when I think about it, I would love to have a kid some at some point, but it'd have to be um, it would be out of I don't even know what it'd be out of. I'd be out of leaving something behind that is able to do something even better than I did and that I could leave everything to. But I also know how I am, and I I if I brought a kid into this world, I'd be worried about them because of the way the world is today. And it'd be selfish of me to bring them into something that I don't really believe in how things are right now. Not only that, I like the fact of thinking that you and I could just be like, you know what, fuck it, let's get the fuck out of here. Let's go, let's travel this place and let's go over here, let's go over there, let's move. Imagine if we had a kid. If we had a kid, you're gonna cause problems for them because um they're gonna get comfortable in their their situation or whatever they're at, and then all of a sudden you they have to get up and grab their stuff and relocate. But it all it also could build character. Doing that can build character, but it it's I think it's it's rough when you're young and that happens. Luckily, my mom kept me stationary, so I didn't I didn't experience that, but I can't imagine what that would be like for some a a kid to constantly be on the move and you hear these horror stories about some of these artists that were like, Oh yeah, I was constantly bullied because I never was able to make relationships last and friendships because I was constantly on the move. My parents were driving me from here to there, and then it's like I wouldn't want to do that to to somebody. I would feel bad. And I like the fact that it's uh you and I, and our boys, obviously our dogs, but you and I can literally just say, you know what, fuck it. Let's get the hell out of here and we're gonna move to Australia. Not not really, but what if we just wanted to go to Australia? We could do that. There's nothing holding us back and me not feeling guilty about that.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I love that too. Well, I mean, that was kind of my thing. I I grew up um I like in daycare, so I was always the oldest in the daycare. And it was like I had one babysitter who kind of like the kids would listen to me and not her really. So then it was like I was the babysitter, but she She's the one getting paid because I'm like older than these kids by a few years. And so I mem I just remember having so many kids say, I wish you were my mom. I wish you were my real mom. I'm like, okay And I'm like nine or ten and these kids are telling me this and I'm like I've always just I've always been good with kids, but I don't know. I just I think that and then kids are attracted to you too.
SPEAKER_01They love you. Like I've noticed that they all come to you and you're like the fun aunt or whatever.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and I do I do love kids, I really do, as much as I'll be like, ah, frickin' kids, right? But I think what sealed the deal for me of not having kids, and I've probably mentioned it before on here, is uh there was like that year and a half in high school, like my sophomore going into junior year, uh, where I saw six set of parents uh bury their kids. So because I had, yeah, six friends with in high school past, like one was really close, and the first one, CJ, he was turned out to be like my half cousin. And then there was a couple others who we weren't like best friends or anything, but in a small school like I went to, everybody knows everybody, and you're I was I never had a set group. I would kind of bounce around because I was friends with everybody, as cliche as that sounds. Like I literally was like friends with everybody. So it was just I don't know, it was just heartbreaking to see. And especially being a woman that birth is a chili, like you have that in you for nine months. So you obviously had like no offense to men. I feel moms obviously have more of a connection with the kid because of that. And then so to go through all that, build that connection, and then lose it tragically too. It's like I don't know, I just never wanted to know that love and that pain, I guess.
SPEAKER_01I I know how I am when I l I've lost obviously, I lost a grandma that I was super close to that was basically like a mother, and I lost my dad. I can't imagine losing a a kid. I lost my my pets that I love and that hurt like a motherfucker. And just but I guess you can't really think about that because then uh if I thought like that all the time, then I wouldn't make build relationships with anything or anyone because I would be the afraid of being afraid of loss. You can't be afraid of it. It's uh it's part of the process.
SPEAKER_06Well, in pregnancy it itself freaks me out. So no. And then also, I don't know, everyone always tells me that like, oh, you'd be a great mom. I'm like, but I I think you would. I feel like I would I mean not that every parent's perfect, but you'd be amazing. I don't know. Like I know your personality. Well, I guess that just depends. Like now, I mean, if you feel like me and wish you would have had better goals and stuff when you were younger, I mean, just what makes you I think now the my advice would just be follow what makes you happy. I mean, setting goals I think is important. They don't have to be huge, but just to keep yourself accountable and in check, um, whatever that looks like for you. Um, but then also for kids that are younger and in that mindset like I was of just party, party, party, party. Just again, for you too, have goals. Like, where do you want to be? Because there is gonna be a future. I think that was my thing. I I just never saw myself getting older. And I still don't. Like, I can't picture myself at a certain age, and I've always felt that way, whatever that means. But always have goals because you never know. Don't set yourself up for failure, but also live life. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01You gotta live in the moment, but plan for the future and have that in the back of your mind. So with every decision you make, you gotta think. Like, I know even when I was reckless and crazy and chaotic, I always thought, well, I know that I want to be here or I'm striving for this.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And if I really fuck up, I will not get there. I know I don't want to go to jail. I know I don't want to do this. So that would that would help me pull it together a little bit more or help me tame it down just enough to not go to jail or not to do something that's gonna be permanently like fucking me in the end. So I think it's very important to live in the moment. And I don't think very many people do because we get trained a lot too. It's like some people live so much in the past, and that does that does no one any good. And I hate that when people are just so stuck in the past. It's like life happens and it changes and it evolves. And if you're living in the past, dude, then you're you're stuck back there, and that sucks for you. But then also you get pushed on, well, think about the future, you gotta do this, you gotta do it. It's like, well, yes, plan for the future, but don't make that everything. You gotta live in the moment and enjoy it. And yes, think about the future, but don't be so focused on the future and definitely don't focus on the past. Yeah. That will hold you back. It's a weight that you don't need.
SPEAKER_06Obviously, use it as a what did we learn from it? But yeah, move forward, put the past behind, good and bad, especially the bad. Don't live in that that hellscape.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my my my biggest pet peeve is like And I get it. When you when you don't hang out with someone for a long time and you guys get together and it's all you talk about is like the old days. Yeah. It's cool to laugh and and whatever, but it's like, dude, that's not all I am now. Let's let's work on now and let's let's build new memories. Let's make new memories that we can laugh about and talk about and enjoy each other's company.
SPEAKER_06So absolutely. All right, what about you, Perez?
SPEAKER_01All right. For me, I think that one of the pieces of advice that I obviously and I I've talked about this a lot, is I wish I would have listened more when I was given advice about the drinking and the addiction and the curse that runs in my family about addiction and alcoholism. I've talked about this many times where my grandpa died at 45 years old of alcoholism, then my dad, which was my dad's dad, then my dad died at 50 years old of alcoholism, the same thing. And it's like I don't want to be the next person to die because of that. And I would my mom would hammer on me and my grandma would hammer on me about not drinking, not drinking because of this. You have a curse in your family that it it just runs in the family, both on my mom's side and my dad's side. There's there's uh I've I've had alcoholic uh family members run in there. Luckily, my mom didn't do any drugs, didn't even smoke, didn't do any of that. So my mom was a great example. It's just I didn't listen, I guess, because I thought that I was different. I was an individual and I could control it. And I think that's what we all think is that we're different and that we are supernatural or something, and it's not the same thing's not gonna happen to us. So if I would have listened, I probably would have been more aware and I probably wouldn't have let it get out of control like I did.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But again, I don't have any regrets about it because it's made me who I am today. Everything happens for a reason, as I've mentioned before. And it builds character, it builds experience. If I was to walk and and worry about like I'm work I'm walking on eggshells everywhere, I wouldn't have experience. I wouldn't be able to react or talk about things. I I've mentioned this before too, where it's awesome that there's people out there that can say, I've never taken a drug in my life, I've never drank, whatever. That's not a bad thing. That's not at all. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but you also don't have the experience to speak on it. You have the experience to say, you know what, I was stronger than giving in to the temptation. I was stronger to not give in to the trends and all this and that and this and that. Cool. But you also don't have the experience that comes with that with knowing what it's like to get addicted and what it's like to do it and what it just does to your body and and all that. So there's there's it's a it's kind of a double-edged sword at that point. It's it's so I'm I'm glad I went through what I went through because I wouldn't appreciate the what I have now, and uh I have no regrets with that. I kind of have a funny one piece of advice that I think I talked to you about. I just I mentioned I mentioned actually to you and Judy that my grandma used to always say this to me because she knew I loved them white girls. And so she'd give me crap all the time and she would say, You better learn to cook because you do you love these white girls. They don't like to cook for their men. If you don't wanna, if you don't wanna end up starving and you wanna eat good food, you're gonna have to learn to cook because you're gonna have to cook for them and for yourself. And so I never listened to that. But you know what's weird? I've mentioned this before. Every girl I've ever dated besides you, and this is not a knock on you, has been a what you were getting into. I knew, I know. It has been a cooker, and they all cook, they're all white, and they love to cook.
SPEAKER_06And so your grandma was preparing you for me.
SPEAKER_01My grandma was preparing me for you, I think. I I I I essentially think that's what she was preparing me for. But I know very like a lot of my guy friends that like have dated Latinas and later dated you know, white girls or whatever, they always say, Yeah, the Latinas love to cook for their men and they love to take care of them and and all that. So yeah, I I I just thought that was a funny one that I had to share about my grandma. Just because she she was so full of knowledge and so full of wisdom. And I always laugh because in the Mexican culture, they always have these things called dichos, and it's basically it's like a saying, and it usually rhymes, and it usually is something that's like uh it'll make you laugh because you're just like, what? That sounds so ridiculous, but at the same time, it makes so much sense. It's it's one of those, like it's like a simile, it's pretty much a simile uh or metaphor in a Mexican sense. And the advice, it's always a lesson to be learned with that. And so my grandma was so full of those, and I always think about those things whenever I'm making a choice about something. Um, and my grandma was always very knowledgeable. She always used to give me advice about uh the people I was hanging around with, the choices I was making. And I just I didn't listen because I thought, again, when you're young, you think you you know it all, you think that you're different, you think it's not gonna happen to you. And sure enough, like the things that I thought that I knew and that I was an expert at, and that I had this magical power that I could overcome always came back to bite me in the ass, like where I should have listened.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I wouldn't have the experience that I have now, though. So I I again I don't regret any of that. It's made me who I am, it's made me appreciate the good moments and the good times and and the lessons learned. So that's what I would share for my portion of that. What changed my perspective? Of course, it's when you realize that it's been in your face this whole time that you were told about XYZ that you should live I've listened to, and then it's like, well, I've been doing it my way for years now and it's not working. So maybe I should consider what I was advised to do or not to do. If you could go back, would you do anything differently? Maybe I would have listened a little bit sooner. But like I again, what I said what I mentioned is that the experience, these moments, you can't buy these experiences, and you can't read you can read about them, but you're never gonna truly feel what it's like or know what it's like to go through it unless you actually go through it.
SPEAKER_06So no regrets.
SPEAKER_01No, no regrets, not a letter. If you go back, would you do anything differently? Again, no. What advice would you now give someone in the same situation? I would just say live your life, do things your way, take the advice that's given to you, and always have it at least considered in your brain. At least think about it when you're going through something that is applicable to that advice and consider it. Consider it a lot sooner than just thinking like, nope, this is different, it's me, it's blah, blah, blah, this, it's it's not this or that. Sometimes the sometimes what you're going through, you're you're literally just taking it literally for the advice that someone gave to you, but you have to look deeper into that advice to see if this is the same situation, just looks a little bit different. Because that can happen a lot too. Yeah. Where you're thinking in your brain that this is literally this is literally not the same thing, but really there's a relation to that, and and you just got to look a little bit deeper in and see that it's pretty much the same thing. It just doesn't look identical. And you're putting yourself in your head that so for example, I've mentioned this before. When someone compares their drinking or their using to somebody else's, it's at an extreme level, you always think like, no, I don't have that bad of a problem. I don't really have a problem. That's a problem over there. But when you compare it to someone that doesn't use or someone that uses a lot lighter than you, it's easier to see that, yeah, maybe I do have a problem. Yeah, I do have a problem compared to that person. So it's kind of one of those things. It's like you gotta consider, consider the source, consider what the situation is. And I would just say be yourself, live your life, experience it, and take the advice from your elders, the people that do truly care about you, not the people that are out there just to like hold you back or whatever. Those those people, you're gonna run into a lot of those people, but the people that truly do care about you, hold on to that advice and at least always consider it when you're in a situation that's applicable. And uh that advice, like I said, you might have to dig in a little bit deeper to see what it really is saying and what it really means and try to apply it. And I promise you that uh at least you can at least you can know that it wasn't just wasted advice. All right, so for readings this week for the replies, we only got two. Vinny Arana said, I would give anyone and to my younger self this advice to learn and master. You have to be a thermostat rather than a thermometer. A therm thermostat shapes the climate of opinion. A therm thermometer just reflects it. I wouldn't go back to do anything different. I have no regrets, and I have made peace with the things I can't change because of time, opportunity, or simple distancing yourself from the chaos you're in. Once you get a taste of peace, it becomes a non-negotiable in your writing style of life, your directing, and writing. I love that. That's a really good one, Vinny.
SPEAKER_06That's my f like one thing I'm liking between the three of us now. Uh is I wouldn't change anything. I have no regrets, but the three of us. Well, me, or well, our responses, me. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01The responses, yeah. And Vinny here. That was a really good one, Vinny. I agree 100%. And I think that he just basically said exactly what we've been saying. There's no there's no regrets. So thank you very much, Vinny, for contributing to that. The second one comes in from Kiris Emberborn, and Kiris says, Find the melody that was given to me 25 years ago, and I didn't know what it meant, so I ignored it. The same person just gave me the same advice last night. And now, with 25 years more experience and seven years of writing my own music, I understand what he was originally saying. Melody writing has been a weakness for me with bands like Megadeth and Marilyn Manson being a huge influence on my vocal style stylings early in. Seems I allowed that to become a foundation of my vocal writing. Now I have been gifted the opportunity to learn this new skill. I re-recorded vocals for one of my songs last night, and it can't it's come out sounding much more pleasant. Yeah. I love that. That's amazing. Yes, and and it's one of those things like where it's nice when you remember. Like 25 years to remember advice that was given to you, and then to it come back again and you're being able to applick it, that apply to it or apply it. That says a lot about that that piece of advice. So I'm happy that Curse is out there doing what Kirst enjoys. And that is the end of the responses for this week. We have segment two coming up next with Fitness Katie, which she shares her journey with addiction and overcoming that and how she applied fitness and a program that she's created to help others. I'm very excited to share this story because it's very inspirational. We had a great conversation. Katie was a great guest, so stay tuned for segment two.
Segment 2 - Katie
SPEAKER_01Welcome everyone to segment two of the Liquid Shape Podcast. Today I have an awesome guest by the name of Katie. Katie, welcome to the podcast.
SPEAKER_04Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.
SPEAKER_01I'm excited that you are here and you felt you follow through with it. I've had so many people recently where they set up and then right at the last second, they're like, this came up or that came up or let's reschedule. So when you sent me that message earlier about, hey, are we still on? I'm like, yes, thank God. Like I thought it was gonna be a cancellation. So so glad that you're here. I love talking to new folks and uh having them share a story. So go ahead and tell our listeners about you and and share your story with us.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you bet. So I've been in recovery for five years now, uh recovering from IV fentanyl, honestly, like anything I could really get my hands on by the end of my addiction. Um it really all started when I had a kid when I was, how old was I? Oh my goodness, I should know this. 18. And I just I couldn't stop drinking. I knew I had a problem, kind of. I didn't really want to admit it. But I just I knew that if I kept going the way I was, I was gonna pull my daughter through my addiction. And I I guess at the time, I really did it because I wanted to drink. But now that I have done a lot of inner healing and work on myself, I can see that that was probably the best choice that I could have ever made as a mother at that time to give her up because she would have gone through hell with me.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Congratulations on the five years, by the way. That thank you is no easy task by any means. Like anytime someone shares how long they've been sober, I'm just like, wow, I'm proud of you. Yeah, like it's it's it's uh it's big. So yeah.
SPEAKER_04Thank you. How long have you been sober for?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna be hitting three years in September. It's been the best decision I've ever made for myself and for the people that I love around me. Totally. It's awesome to see that you're in five years and wishing you you to continue on that road. And I'm I'm sure like at least for me, it's been it seems like every year gets better, like as far as how I feel, like to be away from it and not want to go back. Totally.
SPEAKER_05So it it always gets better, honestly. Um I would say after like year two, that's when I really started feeling like a human being.
SPEAKER_01Did you did you feel because I've been starting to recently feel this and I didn't start feeling it till like a a little bit over two years of being sober, but feeling not I don't want to say sensitive, oh yes but maybe maybe sensitive, maybe is the right word, but you start feeling emotions again.
SPEAKER_05Yes. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. And then you don't know how to deal with it. Like no one warns you that this is gonna happen, and it's like totally why am I feeling this? And it's but it's also at the same time, it's exciting because it's like starting to feel like I don't even know if I want to say the name normal because what is normal? But like I'm starting to feel human because uh now I can feel love and I feel all the roster of emotions, all the roster, exactly and the bad ones like the shame and the guilt and the regret and all that stuff, like that. You don't feel that kind of stuff as after a night of drinking or going crazy and blackouts and that kind of stuff, which I would go through. Not not having those feelings in that sense. And I feel like I don't know, it just it's it's something that I was never prepared for, no one warned me about. Even with talking to people on this podcast, no one ever told me, like, yeah, I started feeling, but then when I bring it up, they're like, oh yeah, yeah, that's that's the it's true. It's true, which is which is it's crazy. But yeah I always oh go ahead.
SPEAKER_05I always just say to people, it's like learning how to live all over again, right? Like for me, when I like I got I got deep into my addiction to the point of like selling my soul on the street corner for a hit and then like saying that I would oh it'll never go below 40 bucks, but I can tell you I did a lot less for nothing. So like being hooked on fentanyl is no joke, but being free from it is crazy because when you I don't know, when you go that deep into stuff, you can really see the world for what it is. Like, I don't know, if I'm out going out and about and doing stuff, you can you you just I don't know, you can read people a lot more. You know when somebody is in the trenches or when they're just trying to make it by and then uh being able to actually have that sympathy for somebody when before you were just a cold human being. Numb to it.
SPEAKER_01I think it's not you're numb to it because you're kind of you're you're kind of in your own world. And I I don't know about how you felt, but like for me, it was always like, well, I'm not doing this, so I don't think I have a problem. Oh, I'm not getting arrested, or I'm not living out on the streets, or I'm still going to work. I would justify every reason why I wasn't an alcoholic or I wasn't only when I was using drugs, um, that oh I only do it when when the it's the weekend or when certain events happen or whatever. It's like you make excuses for the things and then you look for like the extremes so that you're like, all right, well, I I I'm not at that level, so I know I don't, I'm fine.
SPEAKER_04Totally.
SPEAKER_05Did you ever, did you ever I totally experience that all the time. What's really crazy is you always say, oh, well, one example for me was I was like, oh, I don't do IV drugs. Like when I was really starting out in my addiction, really just hooked on drinking and stuff like that. And then I just get sober for a little while and then I pick up again. And then it always gets worse, right? And then eventually you do that thing you said you'd never do because that is what addiction is. It's like complete insanity and just chasing after anything that'll not let you feel whatever that is that you were running from. Because at the end of the day, I really think that nobody just decides, like, I'm just gonna go drink my sorrows away or go use my sorrows away, right? It's there's something that happened that we're not ready to face yet.
SPEAKER_01Definitely. And how how old were you when you first started like experimenting with drinking and drugs and all that? Like 12. How did you get access to it?
SPEAKER_05Well, it all really started with my parents who would like leave a little bit in their wine glass or there would be like some beer left over. And my I grew up in a really religious home. And it like I was it was always, oh, you can't do this, you can't do that. So it's like, oh well, like you tell me I can't do something. I want to do it. So that's that's really what started it. And then being an only child whose parents were honestly, they weren't really there. So it was easy to get away with those things. And when I did get away with those things, that's when I'd get their attention.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, that's uh that sounds very familiar. And then, of course, at least for me, getting into high school, you wanted to fit in and get over anxiety issues that you may have, and everyone's doing it, so you want to be cool or fit in or invited at these things, or for me, it was like I was chasing the girl that uh she liked to party, and so I didn't want to be the square that like didn't know how to shoot take a shot or um that would drink on the weekends or what have you. And so like I it started in that and then I started liking it, and I started developing uh like a habit of it, and eventually it just snowballed over time, and I always told myself, Well, I'll never try this drug. I'm just drinking, I'll never smoke weed. Oh, I'll never try coke, I'll never do pills or that kind of stuff. And it's like all those things I said I wouldn't do with with exception of certain uh a couple of different drugs that I just never did touch, I ended up doing. It's like I uh and then when I reflect back, I'm like all those things I well. most of the things I said I would never do, I ended up doing. And just it it's like you you don't realize how deep you go you're in it until you're you're you step back and you're like, okay, now like Yeah, I was out in uh like Vancouver for a while there and I actually had gotten like nine months of sobriety and uh then COVID hit.
SPEAKER_05And I shit you not. There's this guy who rode up on his motorcycle and stopped and just asked me if I wanted my drug of choice. And I had been like locked up in this like sobriety house where you're like in second stage. You have a little bit more freedom but because of COVID, it was like being back in addiction, so isolated, nothing was going on that boredom starts to creep in. And then he drove up on his motorcycle and asked me if I wanted my drug of choice. And I didn't say no.
SPEAKER_01Holy hell. So that was just some random guy like some random guy. Pulls up. Oh my God.
SPEAKER_05And then four years later I stuck with this guy who later turns into my pimp and life got dark in Vancouver. I he it turned from like using meth to him being like, oh well meth makes you a little crazy. So we'll start doing people will say heroin, but you can't find heroin anymore. It's pretty impossible. It's all fentanyl bound out the the thing about that drug that is so unfortunate is by the time you're hooked and pretty much the first time you use it, you're hooked if you actually don't die. And then you got to keep using because you don't want to be sick. And then the that's just a vicious cycle because then you start using more and more and more and then you get to a point where you can't even make it two hours without shitting yourself or puking because you're coming down so hard. And it's it is literal hell on earth. And it's unfortunate because it is around us everywhere. Like the opioid epidemic is unreal. I think the statistics in Canada I don't know where you are but in Canada it's at least 22 people OD a day in Canada.
SPEAKER_01That is crazy and that is unbelievable. I I'm in I'm in I'm in the Portland area. Okay. So we have a major major drug problem in the city and it's everywhere like and they've decriminalized out here as well.
SPEAKER_04So same here.
SPEAKER_01You literally are driving down the road and in the broad daylight in front of a business there's uh people just sitting there shooting up with the needle and it's perfectly legal. Like people just and it's like I I used to hear people say that that was going on and I'm like yeah yeah whatever and then until I started seeing it and like looking around for it I was like whoa people are not lying it's actually happening and it's everywhere.
SPEAKER_05It really is. I was in like Vancouver and Portland are pretty pretty aren't they close? Geograph. No, are they?
SPEAKER_01No I don't even know. I mean it's not it's not far it's you're not far from Seattle are you?
SPEAKER_05Like Vancouver's not Seattle and Vancouver they'd be a little bit closer.
SPEAKER_01Yeah so I'm Portland is about three and a half hours away from Seattle South.
SPEAKER_05Oh okay.
SPEAKER_01And so it I guess it's kind of it's not that far but it's not that close either.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I've never been to I've never been to Canada. I've never been out that direction but people always say like Vancouver is an awesome city to visit and but is it are you saying it's uh it's got its dark sides.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah and like it's drug ridden like Hastings it's its own hell hole. Like you talking about people shooting up that's all Hastings is people just on the fent nod the whole time because they just the amount of people I met when I was stuck down there that went down there to party and never made it home because they got hooked on something was unbelievable. And it's just another really unfortunate thing is the government really does just pay into it. Like I was making more money off of being off government assistance. Anyway, sorry not to bring up to too much political stuff there. But it just it is unfortunate because it is very much pandered too. But at the same time how are you supposed to fix such a large problem like this? Yeah that's where I think like you doing this podcast is really amazing because I think recovery is such a gift, right? Like to make it out of that life and to actually make something of yourself like that's we hear about it more now because social media brings us all closer together.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_05But at the same time how many haven't made it out how many people die from this a day how many people are still struggling right like we I think it's great to hear about all the success stories.
SPEAKER_01Yeah I I love I love hearing the success stories and I love talking to people about I actually get excited about it just talking like when people ask me because people have reached out to me that I went to school with or that I used to once party with or just that uh been fans of my band and just followed follow my throat me through social media through over the years. They've reached out to me and they're like they're I can tell that they're kind of dabbling on if they want to get sober or not. They're like so what made you want to do it and they kind of tiptoe around it and then eventually they just they tell me glad out they're like well I've been trying to quit I don't know if I have a problem but I don't like doing it and sometimes like I get up giving in always when I'm around it and I'm like well if you want to quit um I mean you really you really have to put work into it.
SPEAKER_04You do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah that's what really what it took me. Like I've had situations where I was given ultimatums by uh ex-girlfriends ultimatums by friends and and this and that but it's like no until until you are ready to quit until you make up your mind that's really what it takes at least it it that's what worked for me. Totally it's hard when someone's forcing you to do something because then you start getting especially if you're you're deep into using it's gonna be one of those things like where you try to hide it and I mean everyone can see it. I've been around people that lie to me and say that they're sober and it's like I can see it just flat out that they're using power now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Because we're sober. We see that stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yep. So it's like I I get excited about things like this. I've been listening to a lot of other podcasts as well that that talk about sobriety and people telling their stories because it's it's so uh motivating for me to hear how everyone's story is so it's very similar but so different on the ups and downs that they took and what it took for them to get sober and what worked for them what didn't work for them. And so like I always tell people I'm like it's it's not a one size fits all you you you really have to try your best and do see what works for you. If you fall down pick yourself back up and and keep at it find a good support system whether it's family members or friends or talking to other people that can relate to you on that level that have been there and and and that potentially are are struggling as well. It it helps to lean on each other and I love that about I love that about social media now is that we're able to do this because I can't imagine what it was like. I know they have they've had AA's those type of meetings for years and years before social media but having I think a lot of people sometimes they just they want to be able to talk to someone out of the comfort of their own home or from their phone or and and it's easier to do it that way and reach out versus showing up at a meeting especially like if you have your life you have work you have kids you have whatever um that you have to tend to but I always tell people I'm like when you get sober sobriety is literally the most important thing in your life you have to put that first I was going to say that I do because I'm like if your sobriety if your sobriety breaks whatever like everything else that's that's that you have built up is gonna it's gonna come crumbling down. And it's like that visual I always think about that when I'm whenever I'm even the slight bit like thinking like oh maybe I could have a drink and I'd be fine I'm like is it really worth it? I mean I know I'll feel like shit like I will regret it the minute that I have a sip. Oh yeah and it it will not be worth it. There's nothing at all to me that's worth me losing everything that I've gone through in working for this.
SPEAKER_05So that's honestly what I'm really trying to build right now is uh this 16 week rebuild program that I have for women where it's honestly bringing all of the things together that I have used over the years to build my recovery. Cause like when I first got sober the it was the little things like making my bed in the morning, drinking water, waking up at a certain time and actually having structure in your life because like for years like shit I didn't have to have a bedtime like I just not off. That was bedtime. And then like actually having that structure and staying accountable for those little things like I think it is so powerful to be able to wake up in the morning and actually make your bed because that can send the whole tone for your day. That is something that you have control over when for years when we're inactive we don't have that control. So it's taking it back little by little little things and then so that's phase one is showing up showing up for those little habits. And then phase two is adding in nutrition because I think that is a very big thing. I've been to a lot of treatment centers in my life and that's a missing piece I think that we don't touch on I know their financial issues are definitely a thing but there are some shifts you can make by adding in protein carbs fats and how this can actually help hormones your brain function and all those things that were already lacking from being an active addiction from so long.
SPEAKER_01Yeah yeah and and it's funny you mentioned the whole bed thing and drinking water I literally said this like a couple of weeks ago to someone about how making your bed is such a huge thing to do and it's like one of those one of those things that then really sets your day apart. So what works for me a lot uh is every morning when I wake up I have this routine of I have to get up and have to I have to get on the treadmill and I have to get my steps in. I've I've adapted to that so I wake up I purposely wake up at like 415 430 in the morning to make sure I start my morning off with at least 10,000 steps before I shower and then I head out to work. And then when I get off work or come home from work I'll I'll do an additional set just depending on where I'm at with my my Apple watch and it letting me know like if if I've met my goals for the day. But having that structure and that discipline also is like it it helps you um it keep helps you keep accountable to what you're doing and like you said nutrition and what you're putting into your body like the that whole saying of you are what you eat is so true. So true and and and unfortunately not enough people believe that they're just like they want the convenience. I can get myself a Big Mac or whatever and I don't have to worry about cooking or dishes or whatnot. It's like you don't realize what those chemicals are doing to your body. It's just it's just as bad if not worse than the alcohol you were putting in your body or the drugs you were putting in your body because these things they they affect your brain and how you function, your health like there's just so many things that and I not only that like not even eating throughout the day too how that is going to like tank your blood sugar and us already like especially for newer people in recovery to have a tank blood sugar you could honestly mix that up with triggers or cravings and then you're gonna go back out just because you didn't eat lunch like it's little simple things that honestly though that do compound.
SPEAKER_05And then phase three of the program is actually adding in working out because working out is probably the best thing any recovering addict could ever do for themselves. And then the phase four is adding in a night routine because honestly as addicts at the at the end of the day if we really look back into active addiction we were probably because I don't know about you when I'd use I'd have like a little system everything had to be a certain way and then I would use or like just like little habits that you would do along the way and we would chase this drug so crazy or whatever we are we're using. We're chasing it like crazy. If we could put that much energy into just life and making those changes like we are going to be unstoppable. We just gotta reframe it and think like that.
SPEAKER_01100% I I didn't have any routines like that. My life was pure chaos. So it was it was literally like everything I did I had to plan around drinking. So if I was going to a sporting event if I was going to a concert if I was going to a family gathering or whatever it's like the priority was always we got to get drinks we have to where are we going to drink at where are we going to meet at the bar or we have some drinks for that for the for the gathering like it was it was the number one priority and now that I don't drink I've realized how much the people I've been around and others prioritize that and how it's like the like it the priority is always like the party and the pre-funking and all that stuff and it's like you're paying all this money to go to this concert or to this sporting event or whatever and you're not even going to remember it. You're spending it you're spending your time at the bar paying for overpriced drinks you're probably gonna black out and not even remember what you saw at the concert and that kind of stuff. It's like it it's just unit's unreal how much people put drinking in front of everything. It's it's it's like mandatory.
SPEAKER_05And really it's like I don't know about you but I have a hell of a lot more fun when I'm not oh me too. It's cheaper you feel better in the morning you didn't make stupid decisions. But have you experienced this when you've like gone in for instance for me like a big thing has been you go to a concert okay experiencing not drinking at the concert and it's like this big revelation or the first time I actually bought groceries and didn't have to like steal them from the grocery store or like just little things like this that you know in act of addiction the process was a lot different but now it's just like wow I'm kind of cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah no it is and uh so one of the things that I had to get used to was performing on stage not drinking and not using because I was always doing that and then going on tour like that was really hard especially when my band members they like to drink and party and it's like and I was around it. It's like so when I when I got sober I know f like I said everyone's different. You have to make sure you're doing what's best for you. For me I knew I could not change my my surroundings like no matter what alcohol was going to be around me because of what I like to do with music and I can't ask people around me not to drink. So I'm like all right I if I'm gonna do this I gotta I just gotta hold myself accountable and I just gotta be stronger than giving in to my temptations. So I still had to go to I had to be around bars, I had to be around liquor and people partying but one of the things I don't do is I don't stick around too long once people get to that certain spark. That certain phase of of of being drunk. Once I know they're slurring the words once I know that they're like that it's gonna be pointless for me to be around because a conversation's gonna go nowhere and it's gonna get messy and sloppy.
SPEAKER_05I'm like all right I'm out it's my bedtime but what was your final straw like since you're like still around it you're still in your band like w what made you finally want to close up shop?
SPEAKER_01I was so I I was so sick and tired of the same routine which the routine was always the same but it was always so unpredictable at the same time because like I said it was pure chaos. I never planned to get drunk but it was always like going till like I'm the last one standing at the end of the night and then God only knows what happened. Like it that there was usually some sort of drama that was involved or burning bridges with friends or fighting with ex-girlfriends or whatever the case may be. Luckily I never did anything stupid to get myself arrested or anything like that. But there's a lot of close calls where I could have died. I was in really bad situations and that kind of stuff and I I just got very lucky that I did have people around me that would take care of me. They would pick me up out of the bars and carry me out literally and after shows when I would black out they'd carry me to the to the van and that kind of stuff but I I got tired of just the unpredictable bullshit that I was basically doing and acting and all the bridges I was burning and I was so I was I I looked at myself and I'm like you know what this isn't me anymore. Like I I've lost respect for myself. I have no credibility because I don't know like I I have this weakness of I have to drink and when I drink chaos happens and then who knows what's going to happen. And I'm like the people around me like my girlfriend, my family, they deserve better than that. And so I'm like I'm I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna I'm gonna actually put effort into doing this and I went for it and never look back. I it's you haven't relapsed once not yet no and and I always I think that's impressive I keep that in my head that it that that monster still lives in me. It could come out and I I always warn people I'm like I don't say I I say that I'm my goal is to never drink again but you also can't say that I never will because if I do say that what's going to end up happening is my brain's going to be like oh you can just have a drink and then it's gonna go downhill from there. So I just tell myself I plan not to drink ever again but the possibility is there that monster still lives within me and I can't get cocky about it and I gotta understand that that's a weakness for me and that I just I cannot cannot give in to temptation. So I respect for me it was I didn't want to lose um I got tired of losing losing like the self-respect that I had for myself and all that and and I was like I need to re- I need to find myself and I need to build from here and I'm too old for this and I I'm I hit 40 in May and I got sober at 37 and I was looking at myself and like this is not a good look for a 37 year old man to be dependent on on this and just I I expect a lot more out of myself and my dad died of alcoholism at 50. My grandpa his dad died at 45 of alcoholism so it runs hardcore my family I wanted to break that and I want to break that uh that curse and so uh there was just there was I enough was enough for me and so amazing luckily did you do the rooms or do like A N A or anything like that? I I did not do any meetings I did not do any of that I literally just cut it out and I I'll drink I I do drink NAs like non-alcoholic beers from time to time just because I do like the taste of beer but I don't smoke cigarettes I don't take pills I don't even like taking to Advil. Like that's how like extreme I've gotten to not like that right yeah and and so when when I stopped drinking was the last thing I stopped I stopped using coke and weed and smoking cigarettes a year before that. And so when I stopped that I was like okay if I can stop this I can eventually I'll I'll stop drinking. And then once I stopped drinking now I've been adding more things to my uh to what I don't do. So now I'm a a year over a year clean from drinking sodas. I don't drink any Pepsi Coke or any of that kind of stuff. Just because it's just it's so bad for you and all you look into all the chemicals that are in there and I'm like nope don't want to do that.
SPEAKER_05I don't drink my aspartame.
SPEAKER_01Yeah so does my girlfriend she's she's big on that um and I always I always preach her I'm like you know sugar free is probably even worse for you than the regular soda but I'm like you do your own research I don't want to tell you how to live your life but I don't do any red or any energy drinks whatsoever and then I started reading the labels just a couple a few months ago on all of my food and so like I don't do really any processed food with the exception of like pepperoni but even the pepperoni that I put on my pizza I'm like looking for the clean ingredients as clean as I can get it. But like I'm super I'm like super like cooking at home don't go out to eat so I know the oils that are being used I know the seasonings that are being used how it's being prepared and all that and I've been I always laughed at people that shopped organic and that looked at that kind of stuff because I'm like oh that's so stupid. Now I'm that guy that does that but so now what I do is like I drink I drink NA's once in a blue moon I will drink sodas like just club soda the the unflavored ones just the the regular like literally just the fizz there's nothing in it. But drink green tea I'll drink coffee you don't drink coffee? No I drink coffee. Oh I was gonna say oh my gosh. No I love coffee coffee is coffee is my thing. I don't drink like Starbucks or any of those sugary things like that. So I've cut out a lot of sugars I still I still have my like churros and that kind of stuff that I'll go get or the Mexican pastry places that I'll go pick up stuff like that and cinnamon rolls. But I I've really reduced my sugar intake and even the pasta that I'm eating now it's like it's the clean clean pasta that's real like made with the egg and all that and it's like I have really made adjustments and I think that's part of like once I got sober I was like all right I can do this. I can make adjustments to my life to make my life better and for me to live healthier I just I've seen too many people that in my family and people around me that the the choices that they make when they're younger they affect them later in a very very dramatic way where I'm like I don't want to live like that. I cannot like I don't want to have dialysis and I don't want to be diabetic and have to be taking shots and like it's just it's a it's a hard way to live when you see people that constantly have to go in there and make appointments to get their to cycle through their blood and all that and I'm like I don't I just don't want to live like that. And if it happens to me it happens but at least I'm doing what I can right now to to prevent that.
SPEAKER_05So totally I know I when I got sober I that's really I just went to the gym that's that kept me has have kept me sober for a really long time. And then I kind of like started watching all these reels on Instagram of these like people bodybuilding and I was like oh man I want to do that. Like I wonder if I could do that.
SPEAKER_01So what was your breaking point? Let's hear more about you and uh my breaking point? Yeah I want I want the I want the folks I'm sure the folks are tired of hearing about me. Let's hear more about you and what uh what you like where where were the ups and the craziness that happened and then what finally were you like all right I'm done and then was there any relapses was there let's let's hear about the about that type of stuff.
SPEAKER_04Sure.
SPEAKER_05So um when I moved out to Vancouver it was it was rough. I lived with well for better terms we'll my pimp for a while and then he ended up I had to leave because he was very abusive and I found this little crack shack that I lived in for a while and honestly I made it pretty cute. It was a nice little spot for a while but where whenever I'd run away he'd always find me and it it just kind of sucks selling yourself and giving your money Away to somebody who doesn't really deserve it. But he would keep me high. So that it was a vicious cycle. And there was this guy who uh lived in a room right beside me and he he was a pretty bad crackhead. But he told me he's like, Katie, you are one of the biggest fiends I've ever seen. Like, and hearing that from this guy was just like, really? You're gonna call me a fiend when you've been out in this life forever. That I don't know, that really hit me. And after that, he told me that my life just kind of crumbled in front of me. My place that I was living in, or I almost died in it because I burnt almost burnt it down with a candle. I nodded off and I had a candle lit. And I I know you don't want me to get too deep into religion or anything like that, but I I have faith personally because in that moment there was um hand that led me out of this room while I was high. And I remember asking my neighbor, I was like, Did you come get me out of there? And he's like, No, your room was locked. And I just, yeah, I I physically remember this hand like pulling me out of this room. To this day, I have no idea really who it was, but there was a lot of times in my addiction where I did cry out to a higher power to save me. And honestly, I really believe he did. There was uh a John that I had met when I was out working, and he he really just showed me what I was worth. He had taken me out on this like big shopping trip, he spent all this money on me, and he just he showed so much respect. And it was just like, oh my gosh, well, if this guy can respect me, like why the hell shouldn't I be respecting myself a little bit more? I'd just been so beaten down by the guy that his name is Marshall, we'll call him that. Marshall, that I just really didn't think I was worth anything anymore. But having this John just do all these things for me and show me this, it it really kind of woke me up. And I was like, okay, maybe, maybe I can do a little bit more than this. And then there was this week where everybody just couldn't find any dope, and I was getting really, really, really sick. And I remember calling the John and being like, okay, I'm I'm ready to get sober. Like, I just can't do this anymore. So he put me up in a hotel and he had to leave. But anyways, I just remember getting these really bad heart palpitations, and I dragged myself down and got into a taxi, got to the hospital, and they treated me like absolute shit, like they always do when you're high. But they I were just remember the whole time telling them like something is wrong, like I don't feel right. Like it's not me just coming down like some something is really wrong. But they just put an IV drip on me and like gave me a little bow of fentanyl, so I wouldn't be coming down so hard. But then I ended up actually having a heart attack the next morning. So there was something very wrong, but they just weren't listening to me. Uh so I was how old was I then? I'm 30 now. I was 25 when I had a heart attack. And thank goodness for the social work system that actually is in Vancouver because my my parents were actually able to find me, thank goodness. So I it was nice to wake up and the ICU and my mom actually being there. And one thing that I had never really done in active addiction was like call my parents for money or like stuff or like steal from them or things like that. I feel like I always kept that door open just in case I did want to get sober. So that time when I did have the heart attack, I ended up, they got me stable, put me on like safe supply, all that kind of stuff, because that's another thing about coming off opioids. You can't just like quick hold turkey. That's not how it works. People think it does, but you you have to come off on safe supply or something, depending on how much you're using. So thank goodness for Suboxen, or else I would not be sober. I am actually six months off my opioid agnostic therapy, which is pretty cool. And I don't know, for me, when I first got sober, it was just really much putting my I got a job. I don't know how I got hired. I looked like such a head when I first got when I first got sober. But I ended up getting a job at Starbucks and uh had this peer support job that I had gotten through this connection I used to have where my parents were, and it was just taking this kid with autism to the gym. Again, I don't know how I got this job. I was such a head, but thank goodness for that job because it it showed me what the gym could do for me and just being able to put my crazy head somewhere and kind of get that same relief that getting high used to give me. And then finally being able to like face the thing I'd been running away from for so long, like giving up my daughter. I I just hated myself so much for it, and just really going to the gym, working on that and getting counseling. I always used to think that it was kind of pointless, but it does help. And sticking to those little habits of like waking up in the morning, making my bed, and then I really started falling in love with fitness. Like I it I would say it's my new addiction and watching all these people on Instagram bodybuilding and thinking, oh man, I wonder if I could do that. Like, how cool would that be? Like I quit this really crazy drug and then I could go step up on stage. And I had a lot of people tell me that I couldn't do it. And for me, oh man, I love when you tell me that I can't do something because like it just makes me want to do it even more. So I've really just started pursuing bodybuilding during my sobriety. And what's crazy is I have met so many recovered addicts and alcoholics who are also bodybuilders too, because it kind of gives you that structure that we've been looking for for so long. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I was looking at your on your Instagram and I'm like, holy hell, like that is very impressive. Like thank you to to get that kind of muscle and and just like that's that's hardcore, hardcore dedication to get like that. I had a buddy who used to do he used to do like compete and whatnot, and he told me it was hell for him because it was very strict diet on what he was eating and how he had to work out and all that. And he he he did it once just because he wanted to prove that he could do it, and then I'm like, Are you planning on going back to it? He's like, probably not. He just wanted to prove to himself that he could do it. But he said he he probably couldn't. He's like, I I probably couldn't if I wanted to now. It was just it was one of those things that was very uh very hard for him, but he was able to do it. He looked awesome in his picture. I didn't even recognize him. But yeah, you lose a lot of weight. That is very impressive. How long did it take you to get to like where you were doing yeah, where you were doing those shows and and and that like so I had a coach I was working with before who was honestly, I swear he was just chappy tea.
SPEAKER_05But I I was definitely building some muscle then. Like as soon as I got sober, I started power lifting. And like, man, if you anybody's listening and they want to get a good high while they're sober and one that's actually not gonna kill you, go lift some heavy weights because it it's the best place to process the stuff. Like it really is. And there's usually a lot of rage under the hood on us recovering addicts. So, like, good place to go put it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05But yeah, just lifting a lot of heavy weights for the last five years and then to get stage lean, it took me about six months. So it was it was a grind. But I I know I had also heard a lot of stories from people saying it was like the hardest thing they've ever done in their life. And oh my gosh. And I honestly really kept on waiting for the ball to drop during prep. But I've been through a lot of hard shit in my life, and I would say it's not one of the hardest. So I feel like the things I've gone through and what I've seen in my life and what I've been through, what I put myself through has really prepared me to honestly overcome anything because nothing on this earth is as hard as being hooked on dope, like honestly and truly, waking up every morning and just being so strapped down by not wanting to get sick. Like it is the worst thing in the world. And then wanting to get sober, but I think a lot of opioid addicts don't know that you like you don't have to try to quit cold turkey. Like, and then there's also a lot of negative input around that too. Like, well, aren't you still using? Isn't it the same thing? But truly, I was a completely different person when I started using Spoxin. And it doesn't get you high, it just blocks the it sticks to your pain receptor. So if you were to relapse, you're not gonna OD because that relapse chances with opioids are quite high. But that is the nice thing about safe supply. I don't know how it works down in the States, but we have quite a few options here in Canada, which is nice.
SPEAKER_01They they do have they do have places like that here for people that are that are trying to get clean. So are you completely off of doing that? Or is that okay, that's awesome. Congratulations on that.
SPEAKER_04Thank you.
SPEAKER_01And this is a process. So what's the what's the heaviest you've ever lifted or benched?
SPEAKER_05What's the heaviest I've ever lifted? Um, oh man, I deadlifted like 350. Oh my goodness. Now my training style has really changed. Like it really has. When I first got sober, I probably did a lot of damage to my body. But now I'm just chasing hypertrophy, like good mind-to-muscle connection and nice clean lifts. That is so cool.
SPEAKER_01It's it's just it's inspiring to see that. Like uh, especially like I saw the side by side that you put on there of your what to be her, you I had to be her. Like, oh, yeah, that was that's it's uh such a cool, cool uh comparison just to see that. And it's very inspiring. Thank you.
SPEAKER_04That's my goal.
SPEAKER_05So do you so do you still compete consistently in that or so I just finished my show two weeks ago, my last part of my season there, and now I'm just gonna do my first off season of growing, and then my goal is to go back to Alberta Opens, and then I want to go to nationals next year and just get the experience. But like I would I have scoliosis, so it's kind of an unfortunate thing that does hold me back, and then being an active addiction folded over all the time. I have a lot of correcting that I need to do to my body, and that's another big part of the 16 rebuild that program that I'm offering on Instagram is teaching people how to rebuild their bodies while in recovery because it we can do a lot of damage, like we really can.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I and I love that you're doing that. That is such a a cool thing that you're putting together because I think you're on the right track for as far as like your your the the steps you're talking that you were talking about earlier. Thank you. Of when you're when you're trying to like recover and and get get sober. Did you say that you had relapsed before?
SPEAKER_05And yeah, so I fell man, I've gone sober so many times. Like, oh man, how many times have I gone to rehab? I think I one, two, three, six times I went to rehab. So uh honestly, the first time I got sober was in 2018. That's when my like meth addiction took its deepest turn. And I hopped around from like four different treatment centers, and then I had gotten that nine months before COVID hit. So it was just like quite a few years of hopping around trying to stay sober. And if anything I can recommend to somebody, either stay out or get sober because it is so hard on your body, just in and out, in and out, in and out. And yeah, it did a lot of damage. But honestly, very grateful that I have restored myself the way I have.
SPEAKER_01What do you feel was it that helped you finally on the last time that you got sober? Like, what was it that you were just like, all right, this is this is I'm done with this. I'm not doing this anymore.
SPEAKER_05I played with death way too many times. I stopped counting after 12 overdoses. They knew me at the hospital. Like it was not fun. And honestly, now that I've been like sober this long, I was just saying this to my husband the other day that like it's it's who I am now, it feels like a dream. Like as I tell you this story, it's just kind of like, wow, I I can't believe that I was that girl, that I disrespected myself that much that I really thought that I was that worthless. But that's what the cycle of addiction is so bad for, right? Like then you're around those people, those people are full of pain, and then they just want you to feel that pain. And then it's just a never-ending cycle. And it's unfortunate because I don't feel like there's a whole lot of maladies that people have nowadays to get sober. Like, yeah, there's AA, there's NA, and there's things like that. But I feel like we haven't really made advances in recovery like we have in everywhere else in life. Like, yes, we have Oipuhid agnostic therapy. Yeah, we have Instagram to share our stuff. But like, why aren't there more resources for people to get sober? Why aren't we trying to build more? Or I don't know. I just I think that us as recovering addicts, we need to be that resource and help.
SPEAKER_01I agree. I I 100% agree with that. And it's uh it's interesting that you said some of the things you're saying, I literally had just had conversations about with other people uh regarding like right now when you just said that it's hard for you to look back at your old self and it feels like it's a dream. I was just talking about that, like it's it's almost like you have a new lease on life and you're like, I can't believe I got to that level at one point and that I'm here now. It's like it's almost like it's two different people and two different lives that you've lived. Uh and for me, I for I don't know if you've ever had this, but like I still have dreams sometimes, like where I have used or I've been offered to use, and then I wake up in this complete panic, thinking that I actually did, and then I'm just so thankful that it was just a nightmare all the time. I've been getting these weird things lately. I don't know if you've ever had these, but like it almost feels like it's a premonition or a flashback or almost like a sign from above telling me that if I would have kept using that I could have done some like major damage. I had this it was really weird. I was driving and I had like this weird thought in my head, and it was like I was drinking and driving. I had hit somebody, killed them by manslaughter, and I was getting arrested, and I was going through the trial, and I saw I had to face the family that of the person that I ran over because I was being stupid and driving, and it just freaked me the hell out because that thought just came into my head, like as if it actually happened, and it wasn't a dream because I'm driving, right?
SPEAKER_05And so I had a similar kind of experience, honestly. My I used to use with this one girl I was in treatment with, and her mom was out on Hastings too, so we'd use together, and I literally witnessed this girl shoot up her mom, and it was something about that just always sat with me. And I I always journal in the morning, that's a huge part of my like my recovery. I wake up every morning, I say gratitude for my sobriety because truly every day is a gift of like it is a gift, and then I journal. But when I was journaling that morning, if I would have kept her, like I would have brought her through that, she probably would have been doing that for me. And then I start the cycle all over again. Cause also in my family, addiction runs hard. My brother's been out on Hastings this full entire life, in and out of jail. My dad's had his problems, he's sober, thank goodness. But it runs thick in the family, right? So just I truly believe and I I really do pray that my daughter never has to experience the things that I did. And I hope that one day, if she ever does show up, that I can share this with her so that she can make her own wise decisions and not go out and live that life.
SPEAKER_01Definitely. I was about to ask, uh, do you have any uh communication with her or uh do you get updates on how she's doing or anything like that? Or is there any is there's no contact?
SPEAKER_05It's uh so it's kind of it's like an open adoption kind of. It w I my cousins adopted her, so I I know where she is. They can never like truly not let me know where she is, but they don't really let me contact her just because she's getting to she's 12 now, so it's she's life is getting a little different.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So but one day Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then I was gonna ask, is did you find that being in those addiction houses did it help you, or did you feel like it was like encouraging you want to want to go back, or how how was that like being being in those places in that environment?
SPEAKER_05Like that was it helping to see others like that and talk it out or for honestly, could the okay, the first run that I went at this one women's only housing, any piece of advice I can give to anybody is stay away from the opposite sex when you first get sober, because you will just prioritize that and your recovery will go down the drain. Because I haven't done that before. But like the treatment center I was in with these women, uh it was really healing. Like it was there, that was where I learned how to make my bed, how to wash dishes, how to cook food, like all those do laundry again, like all those kind of things. But I tried going back quite a few times after I had relapsed and it just wasn't working. I had actually relapsed with one of the girls, or like we had started using together, one of the girls in the house. And I feel like you can be a really adore into back into using. When I got sober the last time, I just did it by myself. I went to work, my family was there, but I had that support, right? Like not a lot of people have that option to go home or look go back to their parents. So I think when you don't have that resource, yes, going into a recovery place can be really good, but making sure that they do actually have a sound system because a lot of places is just a place to go get clean for a little bit, have a warm place to sleep and get some food in, and then you're out again, right? But there are some houses that really do prioritize like long-term recovery. If they are prioritizing long-term recovery, like they have a second or third stage housing, that is the place that I would look into because a lot of these places, like a 90-day recovery. I'm sorry, what is that doing? Like truly, how are you gonna undo years of addiction in 90 days and not have support afterwards? So, and there's a lot of money to be made in that too, right? Like a lot of private places, like when I my mom was looking for me to get into treatment. There was a place, oh, we can get your daughter, we'll 100% guarantee sobriety, but it'll cost you a hundred thousand dollars, like preying on people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, right? That's just I I just that makes me sick when I think about things like that. It's like I mean, I've I've had a guest before we've talked about the whole uh medical system and how frustrating that is. So it's it's sad that greed has just it's it's all over, it's everywhere. And I mean, I get it, bills have to be paid and things need to be done, but there's there's there's gotta be some sort of balance where it you gotta you gotta have some something that makes it affordable for people to be able to get clean because it's gonna do everyone better if we have people that are not out on the streets, that are not committing crimes, that are not having to shoot up, that are all this, all this stuff and less people in jail. Hopefully that reduces taxes.
SPEAKER_05But it just it really does help out in the long run, but then like not getting too political, that would just totally destroy our system, right? Because they want us taking all those pills, they want us hooked on this stuff. Like, I cannot tell you. Uh so when I finally said I was done with my safe supply, and let me tell you, I had to fight to actually be done with this stuff because they push it on you big time.
SPEAKER_01Seriously?
SPEAKER_05Heck yeah. I've been sober for five years, and I'm telling the lady, like, no, I'm ready, like I have a stable life, I'm married, my husband would never let me. I'm honest, I'm open, I have all these people supporting me, and they're still like, Well, well, maybe it'd be good to just get one more top up. And ever since I stopped, they still call me every month.
SPEAKER_01That is ridiculous. I that that is oh my goodness. What what is their reasoning for it?
SPEAKER_05Like, what what's their I pay $250 every time, and that's my insurance covering half of it.
SPEAKER_01Oh my God. So they they see us, they see us as customers, is how they say they just take our money and they're like, Well, we don't we can't lose this one.
SPEAKER_05100%.
SPEAKER_01My goodness.
SPEAKER_05So so when I first started my safe supply, I was on Suboxon. It's a tab you put under your tongue. Honestly, amazing. It helped me so much. But quitting it is really hard because when you get to the last dose, it's literally cutting your dose in half. So you experience a lot of withdrawal symptoms, which makes a lot of people not want to quit, especially because like you've been in recovery for how many years and then you're going through opioid withdrawals, like pretty damn discouraging. So a lot of people don't want to get off of it. But then they invent this other medication called supplicate, which is an injection where it builds up in your system every time you get it. And then eventually you just don't have to go back and get the injection. But this injection costs $250. That is with my insurance also covering half of it. So, like they give you these options, but how much money do you have?
SPEAKER_01It's just it's all for profit. And it's just sickens me just to think about that and how they're okay with with with charging that and keeping you keeping you in this vicious cycle of of truly. It's still addiction. You're still injecting something in your body and you're they're profiting from it. And it's just disgusting to me, honestly.
SPEAKER_05I will say, like, because I know a lot of people get discouraged by safe supply, and there's a lot of controversy between it because people think you're still using, I will say I I was able to actually feel emotions as the less I got on my sub box and the more I could feel. And it it just lets you not have to go through those awful, because like I'm not when I say that with traws are crazy, like I mean it's like life and death kind of stuff. And so being able to have that support to get out of it, I'm I condone it personally, but they're Needs to be an exit plan. I think that's where I wish somebody would have told me when I first got on it was have a plan to get off of it. Have a date due date when you're done. Because I personally think I could have been off of it a lot sooner than I was. But I also didn't have the best support for my doctor as well. So that's where we come in, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I I wonder I wonder why. I mean, I can I can tell you probably why, but uh I wonder what would happen if you were to, let's say, not you're not taking half of it, but you're taking a little bit less each time. And I mean like just a in micro doses less. If you were to chip away at it that way, so that way when you get towards the end, you're not at that point where you're feeling like Oh, and that's exactly what they're doing with it.
SPEAKER_05Like, so when you start Suboxin or supplicate, you're at like I don't know, when I started Suboxin, I was on 28 milligrams, and then every time I go in, you dose down. So eventually you're just off of it. But sometimes you get to that funny place in your dose where you really start experiencing like withdrawal symptoms. And another big thing is I was a very high relapse, like I'd relapsed so many times that my doctor would have rather kept me on a small dose instead of like relapsing and ODing. So it's kind of also playing with that as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Now that's I I I'm definitely not a doctor, so I don't want to pretend it was just something I'm always a guy that has to question things like that. So it's good to know because that's how I learned is by asking questions like that. So with so tell the folks on how they can reach you on socials and about your program, how it works. Is it done through like webcam or do you have consultations or let's hear more about your uh what you're offering here with your for sure.
SPEAKER_05So on my Instagram page, Katie Stronger Sober, or Katie.strongerSober, you can find a pay hip blank, which will take you to my seven-day taster of my rebuild program. So the rebuild program is 16 weeks and it is really just embodying four different phases. So phase one is showing up, literally just proving to yourself that you can show up in recovery by doing small tasks like waking up at the same time every day, drinking water, and having a daily check-in and an anchor anchor tracker. So the anchor is just where your anchor trackers, where you're checking off all the boxes that you do every day because dopamine hits are amazing for the recovering addict brain. And then also just checking within your your mood in the morning, right? And that kind of adds to your morning routine. Journaling is so powerful, good place to get your thoughts out. And then you you do that for four weeks. And um like the biggest thing about this is not looking for perfection because like we're gonna mess up. There are gonna be days when we're not gonna show up perfectly, but at least getting 80% adherence by the time phase four is done. And then moving on to phase two is adding in nutrition. So I kept things really simple. I just wanted it to be very basic nutrition, so we're not like going deep into understanding what macronutrients is and all that kind of stuff, but just basics proteins, carbs, fats, fruits, vegetables, and using hand portions. So I am a certified precision nutrition, nutritionist. And this is honestly the most basic way we can eat while still getting to our goals. And it's sustainable, right? We're not having to bring a food scale with us, our hands are coming with us everywhere. So it just explains how to do that and then how to deal with food cravings, what we're gonna do when we go out to eat, how we can handle grocery shopping, all those little areas that could be anxiety around food and just helping guide through that. And then phase three is going to be adding in fitness. So just every phase, we're keeping what we had from the phase before, but adding on. And then it's gonna be working out two to three times a week. What I did forget to add that in showing up phase one, uh, there is daily movement. So you're getting like a 30 to 60 minute walk in a day. So you've already kind of started building that consistency of having movement, but now we're just excelling by going to the gym or doing an at-home workout and keeping it very basic stuff like squatting, a pull, a push movement, but just getting your body moving and seeing what can happen when you start engaging in fit or and weight training. And then phase four is going to be adding in a night routine. Literally, we're going from the start of your day to the end of your day. So really just rebuilding a whole new system in your life, which that is the privilege of recovery. We are given a blank slate. Like, not a lot of people get that opportunity in life. And I think I just really want to help people in recovery build a life that they're proud of, a life that they don't want to wake up in the morning and be like, oh man, I got to do this shit again. Like having structure, something to be accountable to. And then I have my like stronger sober collective. I have 12 girls right now that are just like-minded. We share our recovery journey, what's going on, what kind of pictures of our food, where we're working out, or just keeping each other accountable and staying sober, really. That's what we're all trying to do here at the end of the day and build a life that is worth staying sober for, right? Like you can white knuckle it, but are you actually enjoying your life in sobriety?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I love what you're doing. Uh I think you're doing some some awesome like what you're just everything you just shared right now. I'm like, yeah, that's that's all uh that's all healthy and good, a good mentality, and it it makes a it makes a huge difference. So it's awesome to hear that someone's out there doing this and is available for that. So for anyone out there listening, hopefully they uh they can reach out to you.
SPEAKER_05Um I would like also to to mention right now I am uh giving away like five spots completely free. I know when as soon as you say the word free, people's like, okay, but what are what's actually going on here? I just need some women to test it for me and just kind of show me where there's any holes or gap and where I can improve this product so that when I do go to actually monetize, that it's going to actually help people, that they're getting their money's worth.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean that's the that's the best way to go about it too, is that you you hear from people that are actually going uh find find, I guess they call it breaking the system if they if there's if there's things that are are not working properly and then you get it fixed. Exactly. So it's working when when you go live with it. Uh I think it's awesome what you're doing, Katie. Your story's very inspiring, and um, I want to thank you for being on the podcast and sharing with with everyone all your all of uh your experience that you've had with this and your amazing recovery and all the great things that you're doing to help others and giving back. And I I love when people tell their story about doing things like that, because it's you you're making you make you make a huge difference on other people's lives and not only those li th their lives specifically, but everyone that's around them and that is that that loves them and cares for them. And so um it's like a a ripple ripple effect and just spreads out. So um I love hearing about that. And uh is there anything else you care to share? I love having these talks because there's not really a format of it, and I think you shared a lot of valuable information. What piece of advice is before we close out, uh would you give to someone that is considering but is unsure of you know what resources they should try or what uh what might be the best alt like the bur best way to go about it if they want to quit a substance or alcohol or some some addiction.
SPEAKER_05Well, it would really depend on what they're trying to quit. But I would first say if you're thinking about it, you want it. And it like that's not just something that comes into your mind. You like if you're starting to think that you want to make that change, make that change, but you have to do it for you. It cannot be for anybody else. And the biggest piece of advice is if you were an addict like me, it's literally one thing you gotta do. You have to change everything because there will be things that will wanna take you back to that life. And I'm not saying that's like, again, not everybody was an addict like me, but for me, I had to change everything.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a very, very good advice. That's some very good advice right there, and very true. So uh thank you for sharing that with everyone. And thank you for being a guest on our podcast.
SPEAKER_04Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_01And that is the end of segment two. Thank you so much, Katie, for being on the podcast. Great conversation, great story, very inspirational, and thankful and happy that you were able to share that with us. And I'm hoping that someone out there, I'm sure someone will take that and apply it and hopefully is inspired to make the necessary changes in their life to better themselves. With that said, thank you guys all out there for tuning in and for sharing the podcast and for being a part of it with your responses. Please continue to do that. We love hearing from you guys all. And I want to give a huge shout out to our monetary contributors, which are still Eric Sheets and King John. Major shout out to you guys. Thank you guys so much. And let's take a look and see where we're at with the status of the podcast.
SPEAKER_06Show me the data.
SPEAKER_01Show you the data. Here we are. So we've had 768 downloads, which is a lot.
SPEAKER_06I feel like that jumped.
SPEAKER_01It did. And we're at 37 countries and territories. Oh, wow. And we are at 190 cities that we have touched. That's insane.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_01Look at that. United States, United Kingdom, Ukraine, France, Denmark, Lativa, Peru, Canada, Sweden. Look at that. Japan, Singapore, Brazil, Spain, Sweden, Chile, Argentina, Iraq, Ethiopia, Colombia. Dude, this is awesome. Morocco, Denmark, Mexico, Germany, South Africa, Georgia, Ireland, Cambodia, Egypt.
SPEAKER_02Wow. Thanks.
SPEAKER_01This is awesome, man. I love seeing this. This is this is great. So continue spreading the word. I'm really hoping that you guys are entertained by this, inspired by it. My my my my hope is that we have a positive impact in your life. Whether that be entertaining you guys, that is inspiring you guys, that's driving you guys, influencing you guys in some way, shape, or form, that our guests are providing stuff that uh makes you feel like you're heard and like you can relate and all of that. That's that's just the goal of this podcast. We don't make any big bucks off of this or anything like that. This is just we do this out of pure fun. I get to meet some awesome people. The guests on here have all been awesome, and I'm gonna continue having new guests. We'll have return guests eventually, but right now my goal is just to continue having new guests to share their stories as many as I can. And so thank you guys all for contributing to this. If you would like to monetary, contribute to this. There is links available, so we appreciate anything helps because it does cost money to run this podcast and upload and the software and all that fun stuff. I want to wish you guys all a very great rest of your week. Thank you so much for tuning in. We love you guys, the boys love you guys. Have a great Father's Day and keep killing it out there.
SPEAKER_06Love you. Bye.
SPEAKER_03Be sure to find us on all social media platforms. Follow and subscribe.