Episode 27 - Ginger

Segment 1: 

In this segment, Cody and Mariah share their recent experiences, upcoming tour plans, and delve into inspiring decision stories from listeners, including sobriety, career changes, and personal growth. They also introduce their beloved dogs and discuss the importance of taking risks and making life-changing decisions. In this episode, Cody and Mariah share personal stories, insights on overcoming adversity, and advice on self-love, relationships, and making life-changing decisions. They emphasize the importance of self-awareness, resilience, and pursuing passions to live a fulfilling life.

keywords:
podcast, life decisions, sobriety, career change, personal growth, dogs, travel, motivation, stories, inspiration personal growth, resilience, self-love, relationships, life decisions, overcoming adversity, mental health, music, sobriety, motivation

Segment 2:
Most of us think about suicide as an isolated tragedy—but Ginger’s story reveals the complex, heartbreaking ripple effects trauma leaves on families. When her brother took his own life in 2001, Ginger didn't just lose a sibling; she lost a part of herself, navigating grief, denial, and the long road to healing. Her journey exposes the raw, often unspoken truths of mental health, childhood trauma, and the importance of support systems—especially when it feels like everyone else wants to forget.

In this deeply personal episode, Ginger shares how her brother’s struggle with a traumatic brain injury, addiction, and mental health culminated in a tragic ending that no family prepares for. She recounts the agonizing process of identifying his body, her fight to manage the aftermath, and her ongoing commitment to keep his memory alive through rebuilding his favorite car—an act of love and remembrance. Her story sheds light on the silent pain many carry, the importance of not suppressing grief, and the power of reaching out for help.

You'll discover: *How trauma and mental illness can manifest unexpectedly, often with devastating consequences*; *The significance of community, therapy, and relentless support in the healing journey*; *Why sharing stories like Ginger’s can save lives—by breaking the silence around depression and suicidal thoughts.* We break down practical steps for recognizing warning signs, fostering compassion, and supporting loved ones who are battling unseen battles.

This episode underscores the urgent need to prioritize mental health—and that healing begins with understanding, empathy, and conversation. Whether you've faced loss, struggle with mental health, or simply want to learn how to be a pillar of support, Ginger’s story is a powerful reminder that “you are not alone.” Her resilience, honesty, and compassion make this a must-listen for anyone committed to helping themselves or others through dark times.

If you or someone you love is struggling, this episode offers hope, insight, and a gentle call to action—reach out, listen, and heal together. 

**Ginger is a trauma survivor and mental health advocate, dedicated to sharing her story to prevent future tragedies.**

For support or to connect, find Ginger on TikTok @Peacockmom 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:17

You are listening to the Liquid Shape Podcast with your host, Cody Perez.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Liquid Shape Podcast with your host, Cody Perez.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

Mariah. Ooh, chitazz and Lorenzo. Starting off great.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

There's the boys right there. And you can hear uh Lorenzo hissing here. We're actually doing video this time because we tried it last week, didn't work out very well.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

Cody didn't put the right setting.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Fucking settings are all you know how it is with cameras and shit and technology. So last week's episode, we're thinking we're recording video the whole time, and it wasn't actually doing that. So uh this is our first time doing video for you guys. So test it out, see how it works, see if you guys like it. Uh see how the editing is because the editing can be very painful and long, and I don't I don't want to add to my to my already busy stuff I need to do.

SPEAKER_04 1:10

Um but what what busy stuff do you have?

SPEAKER_02 1:13

We're already going, we're going balls into the fucking balls deep, you know how I do. Okay. Well, I leave on the road tomorrow. American Overdose is finally going on their road trip to play Rockfest, and we're playing some festival or playing a big ass festival out in Kadot. Uh 50 to 75,000 people, something like that. Uh we have a great people. We have a great time slot, uh, 3.20 p.m. on the boneyard stage. And we're playing within a bunch of other like we're competing against a bunch of tribute bands, which to me, I feel like, well, you want to see an original band or you want to see tribute? Teach their own, but I would definitely go to see an original band. And I think we have a bunch of people that are coming to see us uh that we've been seeing in the comments and all that. So we are definitely a hyped up band for the festival, and I'm very excited for that. And then, of course, we're playing on Tuesday, we're playing in Idaho Falls, Idaho. That's gonna be a fun show. I already know that there's gonna be a good amount of people there. First time playing in Billings, Montana on Wednesday. Montana's so pretty. The 15th. And then the 16th, we are playing in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I'm excited for that one too. And then Friday, we have a day off. We're gonna be at the festival. We get to see a bunch of kick-ass bands, including Limp Biscuit, Chad Gray, um, and many other bands. And then Saturday we play at Rockfest. Sunday, we're playing in Des Moines, Iowa. And then we start driving back home. Yeah. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be, I'm I should see my living room. There's a it's a mess. I've got clothes and makeup and I haven't even tried to clean. I'm I don't think you should at all until I leave.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Because usually, so Cody uh usually has band that our AOD does Thursday night band practice, and that's usually Thursdays are my work from home day, so that's when I'm like, I'm gonna clean the house, vacuum mop, do all that stuff just to have like a reset for the weekend. Nah.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

There's no point. I have, and then the garage is gonna be another chaotic mess. There's gonna be they take all the stuff from there. So I pick up the van early tomorrow morning, then I come home, pick up the merch and all my stuff, go get the trailer, uh, to drive down to Salem, pick up the guys and all the gear, and then we make our trek. We're gonna drive as far as we can, stop with the eyebrows. I'm still having allergy cough problems, so it's gonna be interesting. And and my hair is a mess today because uh I haven't done it yet. I this is the hair that I had from yesterday, just fucking spiked up and everything, and I haven't showered yet. I'm gonna shower after we get done doing this.

SPEAKER_04 3:34

Well, a good thing you're pretty.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Try to be. But yeah, it's been a crazy chaotic week dealing with that and trying to get everything in line. I always stress big time when it comes to shows, even more so when we're hitting the road every single time. It doesn't matter how long I've been doing this, it always is just gotta make sure you have everything because you always end up forgetting something and you end up buying it on the road, costs you more money, or you're like, damn it, I wish I would have had this, or I wish I would have had that, I wish I would have brought this. And then sometimes you bring way too much. The first time I ever went back in like 2010, I remember I came with two big ass duffel bags. I'm like, well, like afterwards, I like I only technically wore like three different outfits. Yeah. And the the rest of the things I did need, obviously, socks and boxers for every day.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Yeah, clean panties.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Clean panties, and but for the most part, you wear the same shirts or shorts and pants, whatever, when you're on the road. And it's not like we don't get to do laundry. If we really want to do laundry, we're able to do it. We're staying in hotels. We're not back when we were younger, we're we'd stay in the van. We did that whole fucking grunting it out and fucking doing it in out of the van. No hotels now are luxurious, and we get hotel rooms for us so that we can get a decent night's sleep, get some, get a shower in because especially as a makeup van, you sweat, you're sticky, you're nasty, you got fucking paint all over you. You gotta wash that shit off. Not that it all fully comes off, because the next day I still have like makeup eyes and whatever. Sky liner. You like that, huh?

SPEAKER_03 4:50

I do. I don't know. I always have.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

I'll remember that. But yeah, that's what I've been up to. How about you? How's your week? What's happened? What's new? What's going on?

SPEAKER_04 4:59

I mean, your are always more exciting than mine. But no, it's been good. I mean, yeah, nothing too crazy during the week. Just watering my plants in the backyard. My ooh, yeah. Gardener Mariah, my zinnias finally got a bloom, a yellow one coming through, so I'm excited in my barrel. So I have some in a barrel and some on the side of the fence line. So I'm excited for that. They're gonna be a whole bunch of they're supposed to be like different, a whole bunch of different colors, like the mix. So I got a yellow one, so I'm ready for like the reds and the pinks. I think there's white in it too.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Yeah, I got some uh jalapeno.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Jalapenos, and then this is it the serranos that I planted next to it. They're almost taller than the jalapeno plant, but they're flowering, so which means the peppers are gonna start coming.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:39

My hydrangeas have not died, they look dead, but there's a lot of new shoots coming up. So I'm big with those finicky fucking bitches. They're so pretty though. But they're good for my cozy corner.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

It's looking good. I like it. You've done a good job of it.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

And then either today or sometime while you're gone, I got some more mulch to put around we did our patio. And so there's still some dirt area by like the fir tree, the blue spruce or whatever the fuck that tree is. Make that look a little better. I need to get a weed whacker since our little grass area is like so small now. I'm just gonna instead of we can get rid of the lawnmower and just weed whack that bitch, have more space in the garage.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

What do you do with lawnmowers? Do you sell them or are you just I mean you can sell it? Put it on the corner and say free.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 6:23

I mean it's a nice lawnmower though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 6:25

It works.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

I I I have only used it once.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

And you only use it because you wanted to learn how to use it.

SPEAKER_04 6:31

Like it was funny, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

It was funny, but like it was like it was great watching you do the power washer and the I love the power washing though.

SPEAKER_04 6:38

I do love that.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Mowing power washing is fun, but you just get soaked. It like soaks you up and fucking you saw what happened to my foot being an Indian.

SPEAKER_04 6:47

Well, just don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

Don't shoot yourself, people. That's what I did. And I got a huge scar now there permanently.

SPEAKER_04 6:54

Because I did it, it's a little bit better with age.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I don't know. It's only gotten darker.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

Well, good thing it's your foot and not your face. It's true. So that and then uh what do we do? What did we do Friday?

SPEAKER_02 7:03

Friday we chilled. Yeah, we went and got food, uh a spot we hadn't been to in a while.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Yeah, kissing cakes, yeah. So if you're ever in the Beaver Creek area outside of Oregon City, kissing cakes, they have the best. Oh my god, that their mozzarella sticks are so fun. They get four, but they're fat. They're like that long and like that fat. Like they're just good too. Oh, their clam chowder. Their clam chowder is the type of clam chowder that I want when I go to the Oregon coast that you don't f find. Because Moe's sucks. I'm sorry. Like they used to be fabulous, but corporate corporate eye corporatized, and like I don't know, their service sucks, their food sucks. Like it's just like a denny's a glorified Denny's, honestly. So, but yeah, very good food. I always forget about them because they're just kind of tucked up. We hadn't been there. Beaver Creek is such a small little town, just like a mile away, a couple miles away.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

I was telling your dad the last time we went was actually when we went with them. We hadn't been there since then. Yeah, we went there one time with them. We went for the clam challenge. Mine is great since I stopped drinking.

SPEAKER_04 8:03

I haven't even when was the last time I drank? Oh, I had some champagne last weekend, but then the bottle's still like full in the fridge.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

I was gonna say, why don't you just throw that out? It's just sitting there. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 8:14

I know, I know. I just wanted a little champagne. I should have just did a little shooter bottle. I just yeah, I don't because it sounded good, and then I started drinking it, and I was like, bleh, I'm not in the mood. Yeah. That's why I don't really drink much anymore because it doesn't like it'll sound good, and then I just like have like a sip or two, and then I'm like, give me a soda, like my seltzer, my plain seltzer.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

I like those seltzers with a squeeze of lime, a little bit of the pickle juice, some mint and cucumber. Fucking it's a good one. Pickle juice or jalapeno juice? Jalapeno juice.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Yeah. Because I'm like, ooh, pickle is a good one.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Pickle juice is I mean, ultimately it's just the vinegar that really makes the flavor on that.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

I love vinegar.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

And uh me too.

SPEAKER_04 8:51

Ooh, and then vinegar chips, the boulder can is it Boulder Canyon? They're so vinegary.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Those are good. And they're they're healthier for you. They got the uh avocado oil in the they're like it's like four or five ingredients total, if that.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

It's kind of like the siete's. I've noticed, I think we've talked about the siete brand on here before, how it was bought out by Pepsi.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Um they haven't changed yet.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

They haven't changed it, but have you noticed that? The bags are like there's less and less in the bag. Yeah, it's bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

So you're just paying ripped off. Like they charge the fruits and the veggies and all that stupid fucks.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

And then Saturday, what do we do? Saturday.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

Yesterday, oh my gosh, so much fun. It was family day. So we took the boys. It was uh Cody's nephew Xander, so Pito in the band, it's his uh kiddo, turned seven. So we got a big seven-year-old, and so went over there, just had fun with family and watched him open his presents and beat the shit out of a Batman pinata. That was fun.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

And he was getting a little mouthy with us and me and people. He's getting some too.

SPEAKER_04 9:53

Did I tell you Hope sent me a message? She's like, We love and I love Hope. Love you, Hope. And she was so cute. She's like, Thank you so much for always being there for Xander and everything that you do for him. And we love you so much, and sorry, he's turning into a or he's he's at that age where he's like turning into a little bit of a turd or something like that. And I'm like, that's all good. I'm like, we love you, and we love him, and good thing he's cute. Well, yeah, he was getting a little sassy. I was like, Zu.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Uncle Cody has no problem putting him in his place. And I obviously he's not my kid, I don't put my hands on him or anything like that. But you just you gotta set him set him right and just be like, hey, be respectful. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 10:28

Like you gotta but it it's he had some friends over, and so he was just speedying it in front of his friends. It's just everybody kind of does that. Yeah, especially kids as they're growing up and learning. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

It was kind of funny, but I'm like, oof, it's another reason I'm like, uh I couldn't be a mom.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Yeah, I mean, oh, you you see how I get with the boys sometimes when they're getting out of control. Yesterday when you were packing the stuff for them and they were freaking out, I was just like, I lost my temper with these guys. I was just like, they were barking because they're attached to them at the hip. They follow her everywhere. Doesn't matter where she goes.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

They're my ducklings.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

They are ducklings, they like follow you everywhere. And then if she even just goes outside for a second, oh they lose her topics. She freaks they freak out.

SPEAKER_04 11:06

So the problem with yesterday is because they saw their back. I have a it's like a diaper bag, but a backpack full of their stuff. So like food, water, butt wipes in case their anal glands get all stinky, because sometimes that happens. Their leashes, poop bags, like whatever we may need for them. I never end up needing it, but it's there if we need it. So they saw that come out and then the little satchel thing I carry in. That's where I made the mistake. They saw me take all that stuff out to take to the car.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Lesson learned.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

And so, yeah, so because I so I took out the cool I put the cooler and everything together, Xander's present because that was a big bag. Um all their dog stuff. I was just trying to get it out there. And so they're they're one, excited because they know they're leaving with us. Um, and then two, like I just walk out to fill put everything in the car, and they're like, What the fuck? So they just like you can hear like we're in townhouses, but we're a corner lot. So my car's on the side of the house on the sidewalk, and so it's like I can just hear them clear out there. I'm like, Jesus, our poor like neighbors, they're probably like these fucking dogs. But they have kids that are annoying and loud, so yeah. They're nice. They're nice though, but I can always hear their kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

So I'm like Fairski. Let's let's introduce the boys since now we have video here, and I know we talk about them, we share the pictures, but this amazing little fella here.

SPEAKER_04 12:17

Why do you look all rock?

SPEAKER_02 12:19

Is Lorenzo Lorenzo Alejandro Perez?

SPEAKER_04 12:22

I named him. Isn't that funny?

SPEAKER_02 12:24

That is funny.

SPEAKER_04 12:25

The white girl name.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

She wanted that name for him. So say hello, Lorenzo. He's a cutie, he's a small, he's a smaller one. People always ask, like, how can you tell them apart? He's a smaller guy, he's a loving guy, he's the more calm and tame.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

He's cutting his eyebrows right now.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

He's calm, he's tame, but he also has some tooth when like Taz tries to take his like spotlight or anything like that. He flips out and he will give like he will hiss. And he's actually very tough. He's like dynamite, I say, because he's like small but mighty. When there's when they're fighting over a toy, he usually ends up winning because he pulls it and pulls it and pulls it. And he's got some strength.

SPEAKER_04 13:01

He does, but I also think Taz kind of I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

He shakes, he actually shakes my buddy. See, speaking of attention, so Taz has to be the let's introduce Taz now.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

All right. This is Tasmanian Devil.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Tasmanian devil Perez, right here. I named him, and I named him even before we got him. I I was like, the next dog I'm getting, I'm gonna name like the Tasmanian devil because I knew that I was gonna get a peek-poo and I wanted to get a brown one. And as soon as I saw pictures of him, I knew exactly uh the two of them, I knew that he was gonna be Tasmanian. He had these crazy eyes, and I think I've shared the pictures before online on my socials. He had these huge eyes and they just look crazy. I was like, I bet you that's gonna be Taz. That's gonna be Taz. Sure enough, the first day we went to go pick them up, he was like big personality, just eating all the food and just being wild and crazy. And I was like, Yep, you are Taz. And look at his little paw right here. He's got a little pink bean. Yeah, all of his pads right here are black, except for that one.

SPEAKER_04 13:53

And then he's got the white claw with it.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

And he's got a flat face. He's a little bit bigger, he's thicker, huh? You're thickeny.

SPEAKER_04 13:59

So I guess Adam and he's adorable.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

I just love him. He is he's a very alpha dog, he has to be center of attention. He barks at everyone and everything. He's very protective.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

He's like Cody, he just wants to be seen and heard.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

We call him the HOA of the neighborhood because he thinks he runs the whole fucking thing. And he's got this little soul patch right here. Look at this. He's got a little beard that's been getting whiter and whiter right there in the center. It's so cute. I know, bud. You don't want dad touching you when you're with mom. These are our boys that we love them to death. We absolutely love them. Like they're like our kids, and uh they they make our lives so much better. Yeah, they're such good dogs, and they like to be in here when we're doing this podcast.

SPEAKER_04 14:35

They like they freak out because they see me wheel in my work chair because it has one of those where the the footrest pops out so I can have my legs straight. And they yeah, they lose their minds. They're like, Yes, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Yeah, they're such good dogs because they are sweet. They're a good balance of having energy, but also just being able to lay low when we want to just chill and watch a movie or whatever the hell, like on the couch. So I like that about them. Except for if we're outside, they'll start barking like crazy.

SPEAKER_04 14:59

They're very territorial.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

If they see anyone like walking by the even by the fence.

SPEAKER_04 15:03

Oh, then that fucking lady. Did I say this last time? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Maybe, maybe not.

SPEAKER_04 15:07

There's an old lady, like I mean, she's like older, she's probably like 70s or so, and she has a dog and she'll walk by. And if my dog, if the boys are out there and she walks by, she'll be like, Come on, honey, talking to her dog. Let's get away from those mean dogs, those mean dogs. I'm like, fuck you, bitch. My dogs are mean. You don't like it, walk on the other side of the straight.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Yeah. If she knows, then why the fuck does she come by the fence?

SPEAKER_04 15:26

Yes, every fucking time. I'm like, yeah. Respect your elders, I guess. Yeah. Just kidding. I love her dogs.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

So big plans for when I'm gone?

SPEAKER_04 15:37

I mean, it's exciting to me. I'm sure everyone else is like, you. But I'm gonna clean, I'm gonna shampoo the carpets because it's about time for that. I'll probably do a big thorough cleaning throughout the house and put pile like probably out in the garage, put a pile together for the dump. Uh but I'll but I'll but I'll get back. But I'll yeah, but I'll set stuff aside if I feel that you may want it just to see what your thoughts are. I'm not gonna obviously touch anything in here, but Well, this is the studio.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Of course you would not.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

No, this ain't my room. I'm not a dick.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah, well, I d I know that we're gonna get a bit rid of a bunch of shit, so I'll be happy to see a lot of things go. And I'm hoping within a minute.

SPEAKER_04 16:12

I mean, I'm I'm gonna go through like the cupboards and the kitchen. Yeah, all of it. Probably the pantry's not too bad, but I'll probably just straighten that up.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

It'd be nice to come home to a clean house, especially after being in a van full of guys and chaos. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:25

So it shouldn't be too bad. I mean, I keep it pretty clean. There's just some deep cleaning stuff I like to do, like the carpets and whatnot. Because the boys, like I have a little bit in our room, we have carpet, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

It's time to change it out. I know, and we're gonna have to get it.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

Like my laundry rack.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Air dry.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Yeah. But I have because Gizmo, Cody's previous dog that passed, like he was older and couldn't really didn't do well with going to the bathroom. So I the smells always in the carpet. So the boys still, even though they're fixed on their four, because we got them fixed like right at like a year. Um, and I have a I do one of those big large potty pads, and I change it out each time they use it, even if there's just a little piss on it, because I know that most likely they won't use it, but they still kind of will like mark in certain areas on the carpet. Yeah. And I can just, I don't know. I don't like it, so I gotta clean it. Yeah. My OCD can't.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

So let's get to our question of the week. Uh, this week's guest is a guest that I just met. Her name is Ginger. She tells a great story, very, very tragic and very, very sad. I will warn you guys right now, it is about uh suicide. So just as a heads up, it's a very sensitive subject, but very real. And it's it's healthy to talk about things like that because I know that a lot of people out there can relate, and maybe you've been in a situation similar to Ginger's story. And so I uh just want to give you guys all a heads up on that one. So make sure you stick around for segment two. Uh it's it was a great conversation that I had, and I think that Ginger's a very strong person for being able to talk about it for one, and also especially for going through what she did, and you guys will see that in her story. So make sure you stick around for that. But I just want to give a heads up on the episode that it is a sensitive subject, and it could trigger some of you guys to maybe if you've can relate to anything that's that we talked about on or that we talked about in conversation.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

Well, yeah, hopefully it's helpful for maybe healing or any any of us that I've had.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

Just knowing I think sometimes that someone else else has gone through something similar to you, or someone that you care about and you love and that kind of stuff, and just tearing their experience, like what what helped them, what didn't help them, that kind of stuff. And I th I that is the goal with this podcast. This podcast is to hopefully help others. I don't we don't make any money off of this. I find satisfaction in having these healthy conversations with people and hopefully that they help others. And when people say, like, hey, love listen to the podcast because XYZ, especially when it's that they say that they just connected with it. I love hearing that.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

That's that's all I'm yeah, absolutely. And it's fun engaging with you, you guys too, especially when you comment on the question of the week and stuff like that. It's just fun like getting to know you, especially individuals that do comment frequently, which we love. So please keep doing that. We love the engagement. Y'all are awesome.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

You're right. I feel like we got to get to know them on a whole different level. And then they're part of the podcast in a way.

SPEAKER_04 19:13

So it's like, okay. And that's like I get to the point too, or I don't know about you, but if they haven't commented in a while, it's like, oh, I hope where are they at? Yeah, like I hope they're doing it. Where are you at?

SPEAKER_02 19:23

So this week's question, I got a lot of responses. So let me just read the question. What's one decision you made that completely changed the direction of your life? And then some follow-up questions on that were Did you realize its significance at the time? Was it planned or spontaneous? What advice would you give to someone facing a similar decision? And luckily we got a lot of good responses. So I'm gonna read a couple of them here. The first one came in from a sober and lake Tahoe. Quitting alcohol. I didn't know quitting would completely change my life for the better. A million times better. My advice is if you already know what life is like with alcohol, find out what life is like without it. Boom. Amazing. And I, oh my God, I can't I can't tell you enough how true this statement is here. So shout out to this person that left this comment, beat me to it. I was gonna say one of those that was gonna be one of my things I was gonna say. But it if you do something over and over and over again, you build the habit, obviously. It gets boring after a while. Even when there's chaos in the that's un unpredicted chaos that's gonna happen, you know there's gonna be chaos, it becomes a pattern. That shit gets boring, man. Try something you haven't tried. So that's what that was one of the many motivators for me to get sober. It's like I've done this for so many years, it's time for me to try something different. And when I did and the clarity that came with it and all the benefits, there's way more benefits than there. I don't think there is any downfalls of not drinking. I can't think of one single downfall. Whenever I stop and think, I'm like, well, what do I miss about it? Well, if I want the taste, I can always drink a non-alcoholic beer, and they have tons of them now. Including Corona.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

They have yeah, Coronas, they have IPAs, they even have the fucking uh Michelata things.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

Yeah. Micheladas, yeah. Uh that's uh what company is that? That's um Is that Modello? Modello, yeah. So and you can make your own with or non-alcoholics so I don't miss a thing about it.

SPEAKER_04 21:06

Well, and it's helpful too, especially like with the summertime and barbecues and gatherings and XYZ or floating river time. It's like you can just pack they're in the beer section at Safeway or your local. They're everywhere now.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Bars and everything have them.

SPEAKER_04 21:19

So yeah, and it's it's great that they're catering more to that.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Yeah. So shout out to Sober in Lake Tahoe. You did a that's a great comment, and I 100% uh absolutely uh follow that or agree with that. Sorry, I'm still dealing with this, like I said. The next one came in from synthetic wasteland. Rejoining the military changed everything for me. I did realize what it would do for me, but didn't realize how difficult it would be for me at my age. It was planned, it was a planned move that required a lot of change physically and mentally, but I made it happen. I'd say to someone that if they decided something similar, that they should prepare to be humbled. Sure. Yeah, I and mad respect to anyone. Anyone at all that serves in the military.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

Thank you for your service, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Thank you 100% for the service.

SPEAKER_04 22:05

And troops are veterans.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

I I don't know how old that person was, but it sounds like they are older than most people when they joined. So who knows?

SPEAKER_04 22:15

Yeah, because I don't know if they I would assume they still have the same tactic tactics, but I remember like in high school, like you'd have the army, like everybody always trying to recruit people like on lunch at the schools and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

So I mean typically they'd recruit young so mad props to them for for doing that and going through with it.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

And then I I guess that the military can be really great for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Yeah, it could change life changing. Life changing.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

So and it can set you up, yeah, for sure. So awesome. But it's always good to be humbled too, right? I can imagine, I doubt they would let me go in at this age. I'm not sure, but I could only imagine.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Yeah, I cry. I I feel like I probably would have joined if it wasn't for music. I was so committed to music that I was here. Yeah, it is. Next one comes in from our buddy John. Yeah. John Would. Uh he says, one decision that completely changed the direction of my life was the day I chose to do home theater installation for Kelly's home center as a contractor instead of staying an employee at Fry's Electronics.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

I remember Fry's.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

And then he says, I had a strong feeling it was going to be big. For the first time, I wasn't going to be paid an hourly wage anymore. I was going to get paid a percentage of the labor on each job I completed. That meant giving up the security of a guaranteed paycheck, which I'd always had. But it also opened up the door to making a lot more money if I put in the work, which of course, yeah, like that's what I do like about contract work anytime that I've done it, is like you work at your pace and it it I think it builds character because then you know you have to be disciplined to put in the work, put in the hours. And then if if you want to take some time off, usually put in some extra hours, make that extra money, take the time off you need, go back to work and resume when you're back. So good job there, John. Then was it planned or spontaneous? He says it was pretty spontaneous. Long story short, I had a buddy I used to work with at Fry's Electronics in 2010. He left Fry's, became the audio video department manager at Kelly's, and the guy they had doing installs wasn't cutting it. My friend knew my skill set and wanted me as a his lead installer. The catch was they only use third-party contractors, not employees. I had about a week and a half week to a week and a half to decide. And I'd only done a couple installs on the side at that point. But I could see how much money I could make on the those jobs compared to punching a clock. So I took the leap. What advice would you give to someone facing a similar decision? If you want to get to the next level, do it. It's risky. There's no so sugarcoating that, but with the risk comes the potential for a much bigger reward. You also have no idea where that one decision might lead you. When I first switched to being Kelly's contractor as their home theater guy, it went okay for the first couple years. But Kelly's is really an appliance store and they never fully committed to the high-end audio video world. Eventually, that side of the business slowed way down. I stuck around, kept taking care of my Kelly's customers, and even picked up a full-time job elsewhere to keep the bills paid while I did installs on my days off and weekends. Then one of the owners approached me about switching over to the appliance installation. I had zero experience doing appliances at the time, but I saw the opportunity because that's what they actually do well, and their main appliance installer stays busy all year. That move changed everything even more. It led to me starting my own appliance installation business, OCD installation, shout out, in 2018, which now keeps me busier than my schedule can really handle, but it pays very well. Awesome job. That's I love that. That's fucking badass. And now I'm making the next big move, opening a used appliance, refurbishing and resell business. I'll be buying the appliances they haul away from the customers' homes, refurbishing what's worth selling, scrapping what isn't, and scaling as scaling as quick as possible. I officially take ownership of the used appliances from them by the end of this month. So yeah, it all started with that one decision to go contractor on the home theater installs instead of staying safe as an employee. Everything else flowed from there. That is badass. Like I said, these things build character and it makes you have that confidence and it leads you down roads that you maybe never would have done if you were working at the same job where you felt the comfort of an hourly wage.

SPEAKER_04 26:11

I say take the risk. You can always go back to where you were.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 26:14

In some capacity, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

And then you don't have to worry about I wonder if, I wonder if. So I like I like that advice from John, is just fucking take the jump. At the end at the end of the day, like I always say, it yes, everything works out. No matter how bad shit ever gets, eventually you get through it, you figure it out. It may be uncomfortable at first, it probably will be uncomfortable at first, but eventually you do, you figure it out, and it all works out in the end. Especially if you have that drive to succeed, and you have that drive of, hey, I need to pay the bills. I have no choice but to pay the bills. I have no choice but to do this for my family. I have no choice but to what have you. You'll make it happen. You'll figure it out. There's always a way. And right now, especially there's no better time in in in history, I think, to find a job right now and get get opportunities because no one else wants to work. There's a lot of people out there that just don't want to work, especially the younger generation. Don't get me started on that. But a lot of laziness out there. So this one's from Anthony Shu. I'll let you read it.

SPEAKER_04 27:10

Okay. And Anthony says, Fuuuuck. LOL. That's a thinker. I will answer the last part now, though. Go with your gut the first time. The moment you second guess you made a mistake, do the hard, do the one that scares the shit out of you. If it makes you f if it makes you feel, chase that shit. Understand. But there are the good these are the good old days. Don't waste it. Regrets are often these exact moments when we denied ourselves a pursuit of happiness. See?

SPEAKER_06 27:37

I agree.

SPEAKER_04 27:38

Go for it. Again, what do you have to lose? You can always go back to where you're at currently.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

You can go back to what you knew and what you were comfortable with.

SPEAKER_04 27:46

Absolutely. Gil says, My decision my decision to get sober back in 2012 and basically saved myself because I was being self-destructive. I was at the point I was literally trying to drink myself to death. Jeez, but but I get it. I was at the point I was literally I just said that, sorry. I woke up one morning feeling like absolute dog crap. No matter what I did, I couldn't shake how bad my body ached and my heart hurt. And it hit me that the route I was going down was no good for me. I have been dis I have been a disappointment to my family. I had basically abandoned my kids and disappeared to Texas. I made the decision to get sober on September 12th, 2012. It was definitely a spontaneous decision because I hated how I'd been feeling. I realized that all I was doing was making myself hate myself more. At that time, I didn't realize the significant change it would have, but overall it made me a much better person. I have more control over my emotions. I have less anger issues. I'm not as explosive or dangerously spontaneous. It improved my life 100%. My kids have forgiven me. I am back with the mother of my children, and we are happily married now.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Woo! Oh yeah. Heck yeah. That's fucking badass, dude.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

My advice to anybody trying to get sober or to stay sober is keep up the good work. Trust me, it is worth it in the long run. After a while, you do not even miss it anymore. And you are a lot happier and likely a better person when you can think clearly and make conscious decisions. Heck yeah, Brandon. I mean, that's huge. I'm glad that you were able to get sober and everybody came back into your life. And especially with your kids too, that's huge. I think personally. I mean, I I'm just so happy for you.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

I I love that because then you hear these horror stories sometimes of like parents that they have these regrets that their kids won't talk to them. They're working so hard to change their lives, but their kids I think have lost hope or they lost whatever. Yeah. Like the loss of faith. And it's like just give them a chance. Just yeah. I and I get it. Sometimes you, especially for alcoholics or drug addicts and whatnot, there's many times that you try and you fail. You try and you fail. And so people get tired of hearing, oh, you quit drinking. Oh, you only quit drinking for two weeks. Oh, you only quit drinking for a month, and then you're right back at it, and then it's worse. You can only say it's like the boy who cried Wolf. You can only say it so many times. And so eventually you do get tired of hearing that. I remember as a kid, like watching my dad, he'd be sober for three, three weeks or three months, and we'd hear about it and we'd get super excited. And dude, I was like six or seven years old, and I remember this. That's how much it does affect your kids. It does affect your your what have you and the people around you that care about you. And I still would get excited because I knew that alcohol wasn't good for him. I knew that it would change him. I knew this, but I also like I'd get excited and then I'd be a disappointment because then I eventually go back to drinking. So it's awesome that Brandon's still keeping it up. And like he said, it's something that you don't miss eventually. It's like what, like I was just saying earlier. What are the benefits if I go back to drinking? There are literally none. If anything, I have everything to lose that I've worked so hard for. And one of the big things he mentioned was like this when you're feeling like crap and all this shit. It's like credibility, if anything, credibility alone, and having the self-respect for yourself and everyone being able to, when you say something, people will know, oh, that's not just drunk talk, Cody. It's not just whatever. When I say something, I fucking mean it from the goddamn heart and I'm saying it with a sober mind. When someone's under the influence of drugs or alcohol, you don't know is it it's probably the booze talking, it's probably the drugs talking or whatever. So you have your doubts, false promises, and you lose all this fucking credibility when you're when you're a junkie or a drunk or whatever. And that's what I one thing I love and I value about being able to be sober and saying that if I say something, you can fucking take it to the bank because I mean it, I don't lie, and I am not under the influence of anything to make people think like, oh, it's just him under the influence. No, I my my self-respect and credibility and all that is just it's something that I value so much more.

SPEAKER_04 31:29

Yeah, you're amazing.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

Next one.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

Thank you. Jason Grove says, sobriety alcohol. I was diagnosed with diabetes, changed my life for the better. Management at my job slash company even acknowledged that I have become a better employee because I am more focused. I love it. Yes, yes. Thank you. There's a couple of you guys. When he said to you, congratulations on your sobriety.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

See, I I love I love hearing this. Like these people are talking about sobriety and how much it means to them. And congratulations on yours. Uh to me, I I gotta say that sobriety is the most important thing that I has ever happened that I've ever done. The bet the best decision I've ever made for myself. It's the foundation literally of everything that I that I do and who I am and of everything I my existence. If I was to get back to drinking, if I was to go back to doing drugs and all that shit, everything would crumble. It's like a building. The foundation is gonna it cracks and everything comes crashing down and I wouldn't have anything left. I know I wouldn't. So I I always tell people that's the most important thing in my life. And and it comes before anything else. That's before family, friends, or anything. I because I can't love them, I can't respect them, I can't have them respect me without me having that. So sobriety is the absolute and you have to be selfish about it. I always tell people you have to be extremely selfish. Whatever you have to do to get sober, fucking do it.

SPEAKER_04 32:44

A good way to look at it too. I mean, maybe this isn't for everybody, but I just remember with my ex-husband, he was was Native American, so he was Navajo. And I just remember like talking to his mom one time and she was like, We don't like drinking because spiritually it means you're opening you why do they call it spirits? Well, you're drunk, you lose all inhibitions, but then roaming spirits or whatever can enter your b your body, your vessel, and kind of take not that a beer here will hurt you, but yeah, it's like when it goes down to the problem is that's not for everybody. Some people can't just have a beer, and that's okay. They're just to be sober.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Yeah, it that's the problem, is that like I've I've said this many times on here, there's way more people that have drinking and drug issues than are willing to admit it. They they they are in denial, they compare themselves to the extreme worst, and then they justify their use with well, I'm not like this, so I'm definitely not an alcoholic, I'm not a drugie, I'm not, I'm not addicted, I'm not whatever. But like I've said before, compare yourself to someone that doesn't use and how do you look? And be honest with yourself. You don't even have to say it out loud to anyone else. Be honest with yourself, and you'll see that, yeah, I maybe I do have a problem.

SPEAKER_04 33:52

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

To each their own.

SPEAKER_04 33:54

Each throne. The next one is from our buddy Brandon Sills. I miss you, Brandon.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Brandon. Basics.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

Uh Brandon says, the past year after college ended, I intended on taking a summer break. I had the hunch that bad stuff was on the horizon. After it mostly resolved and I was able to reflect on it, I think that's where my decisions began that I have been changing some of the biggest things in life so far. I realized that this has been needed for years, but I didn't realize the importance of it until the past few months, where finally the results I've been fighting for are not only way more optimal, but they have had a cascading effect more internally than externally. All of this has been spontaneous since it was enacted. If you can consider making a significant change in your life and unsure if the risk is worth the reward, that's up to you to think about. However, also know that once you really start, you gotta ride out the decision and what comes with it. You're doing this shit for you for eight billion other people. It's okay to be a bit selfish when it comes to your next stage of growth. Commit to it when you begin and don't lose focus. You'll see the results you're looking for eventually, dependent on the nature of the change. Uh falter any, you may lose the momentum and the result may be slightly altered and feel a little lackluster than the original plan. Heck yeah, Brandon. Well, and congrats that you're seeing the reward of your hard work and everything, too. So that's exciting. I can't wait to hear more of it. We need to have like a barbecue.

SPEAKER_02 35:19

Make sure and share with us or come visit.

SPEAKER_04 35:21

Yeah, pop over. So you're always welcome. Uh next one, Justin Coleman. Oh, Justin Coleman.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

That's not the AOD guitar player, is it? Yeah. Fuck that guy. Just kidding. Just kidding. I love B. His name's B. We call him B.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

And I've known B, oh my God, said Sar Skyline four days when he was a what was he? An oil tech or whatever, and I was a service cashier.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

Justin is he's one of my favorite friends. I'll put him up, I'll put him up there on the list. Like we we've known each other for years, but it wasn't until we were like actually in a band that we really started talking more and getting to know each other. And there's something about when you write music with somebody that it become it brings you closer. Oh, for sure. And you're you're creating something. So and I value his opinion a lot. And so fucking it's good to hear from Justin on uh the question of the week. What does he say?

SPEAKER_03 36:06

He says, quitting baseball and buying a guitar.

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Best decision you ever made, motherfucker. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

That makes sense, though. I remember him telling me the story about that. And Justin is an incredible guitar player. He's actually really good at anything he fucking does. He's a very taunted guy. And best decision you ever made, buddy, because here you are writing music and fucking sharing it with the world.

SPEAKER_03 36:26

That's right. The next one is from Gabe Whip. I haven't seen this guy in forever. What's up, Gabe?

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Fuck yeah, Gabe. I've been wanting to get Gabe on the podcast because I know that he's got lots to talk about.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

I think that would be a good one.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

We'll get we'll get him once I get back home from the road. I I'm gonna get him scheduled for a podcast for us to communicate and talk.

SPEAKER_04 36:45

I gotta tell a funny story, so hopefully he's okay with me saying this.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

I don't think he would steal one that's are that he may already tell on the the Well, this is my experience with him when I first met him.

SPEAKER_04 36:55

So I don't think he would give a shit, but because it's hilarious. Uh the first time I met him, oh my gosh, I think I was 21 or 22 back with my friend I think I was with hanging out with Katie Woods. Shout out Katie South Lib in Salem, and I was introduced to him, and then like I just remember the first thing he ever said, because he's one of those guys, at least he used to be. I don't know, I haven't really I've seen him, I think, uh sprinkled here and there with you, or maybe just online, Facebook, with him saying, Hey, what's up and stuff. But he was kind of like that shocker guy. Like he's like, hey, what was it? This one time I fucked a hot pocket or something like that. And I just remember being like, it was I don't I think it was just a well, I don't know. I hope I think it was just a joke. I think he's just one of those guys that's like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Yeah, it's I love Gabe.

SPEAKER_04 37:37

The shocker.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

Me and him, we've got we've had some crazy times. One and we'll we'll probably talk about this more on the podcast, but I remember one time we got wasted as fuck out in seaside. I went to go visit with Andrew, and we were all drinking at this bar day drinking, and we pissed off Andy so bad. My friend Andrew. Shout out to Andrew. Yeah, but Gabe and I were just super like just being reckless and chaotic and fun. And another time that comes to mind was Gabe was living down in Texas, and we were on tour with Mushroom Head, and I'll talk about this later more. But we got trash right before we were supposed to go on stage. We were on tour with Mushroom Head. We were playing in Austin, Texas. He came out, hung out with us. There, this bar right next door to the venue that we were playing had dollar, like either dollar shots or dollar drinks for an hour between five and six. Boy, he starts buying us drinks. We start buying him drinks, and it was just fucking chaos. And we'll talk more about like stories from that.

SPEAKER_04 38:36

But it's always the best time.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

But yeah, shout out to Gabe, we'll get him on the podcast. What does Gabe say?

SPEAKER_04 38:41

Gabe says, diving in head first and starting my own business, and now it's booming.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Fuck yeah. I want to hear more about that, so that's something we're gonna talk about on the podcast for sure.

SPEAKER_04 38:51

Oh, yeah, he said he would love to.

unknown 38:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Cool. I'll get to read next.

SPEAKER_04 38:55

On you now.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

All right. John Gillian says, going from being a Satanist, Sat Satanist 25 plus years, to a devote Christian, baptized May 31st of this year. Congratulations, man. Absolutely. One prayer. I spoke about it recently, talking about holding grudges. Absolutely changed my life. I had a dream that that night that changed my life. It was pure white, a figure in the middle. I chose to believe it. It was God. It felt good, full of hope, purpose, love, and it was simply good. I woke up that morning and all the years of suicidal thoughts, thinking I was the monster I was a monster because of how I looked from the fire I was in, the fear, doubts, the anxiety, and the loss I was feeling from my ex and her kids leaving me. It was gone for the first time since I was a kid, or as long as I can remember. I woke up feeling like I had a purpose, that I had I was loved, that I wasn't a monster, and I wasn't meant to help others, that everything I had went through and endured was to bring me to where I am now. So I tell this story where whenever and wherever I can because it was easily the most important decision I ever made in my life, and by far the best one. It it completely changed my life in a way I never thought was possible. I will never force anyone to find Jesus Christ, but I know when I did, my life was indefinitely better. And I would tell anyone that has been at their end and want to give up, talk to God. He will always listen and be there for you. That would be my advice. I love that, man. Fuck yeah, John. That's that's so cool that I love that. That is so cool that you decided to try something that you and it was spirituality and with religion and whatever people call it different things.

SPEAKER_05 40:36

Yeah, it's different to everybody.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

It's a very personal thing. Yeah, and for someone to be, it's kind of like a habit. It's like when you are living your way dedicated to this. In this case, he was a Satanist for 25 plus years, he said. When you're it's hard to break a habit, it's hard to change your ways, it's scary. It almost makes you feel like you're gonna lose something that you've worked worked towards or that that sheltered that kind of gave you comfort or whatever. Um, and then to try something different. I give mad props to anyone that does that because it's easy to get comfortable in something, it's easy to just say, fuck it. I'm this is just the way I that I am, and this is the way I'm gonna be. And it's easy to find all the bad in the world and be miserable and find all the reasons why the world sucks. It's a whole different thing, and it takes work to make changes, necessary changes, and to start looking at things from a different, different point of view and start seeing the positive and be thankful for what you have. And I'm glad that you were able to find something that works for you and that makes you happy and that helped you see the light. So congratulations and keep up that that fucking awesome spirit and keep sharing, man. I love hearing stories like this. This motivates me, this inspires me. I I can only imagine that does the same to people out there and the listeners that are listening to this podcast and the people that you share your story with. So thank you for sharing, man. That's fucking awesome. Absolutely. Peggy Nod says, after being with an addict that was slowly taking me down the road little by little, he was introducing me to the big one letter from math. One letter from math. Okay. I know what you mean. That's a horrible drug. He went all out banging it, cheating, threatening me, intimidating me, stealing from stores, hiding it, and broke up with me. I thought I was never going to survive without him because he told me that every day and was de and was devastated. My son saw how messy it was for me, moved me in with him and his now ex and her mom away from my hometown and helped me get my shit straight. I got a job, got my own place, and started to live for me again. Moved back to my hometown, made amends with people who I had wronged, and got my old job back. My own place and a much better life back. I've been at my job for over five years now. Same with my apartment, second new to second new to me car, a fluffy cat, best friend, and my son doesn't really realize how he saved his mom. I'm going to be a grandma in December. Aww. And my son and his wife's first child, life is better without the ex. I thought I couldn't live without. I am happily single for seven years and I don't really care. My son is starting a beautiful life. I'm doing well, and that is all I need. Sometimes when I share this story, I think, wow, life could be so terrible if my ex had succeeded in dragging me down this path. And damn, I've been through some serious shit. I am a survivor. Fuck yeah. Dude, Peggy, that is badass. And that warms my heart to hear that your son took care of you like that. Cause I love that's a great son. I love periodic. I know. I was like, I was just getting goosebumps just reading it. Yeah. And and we should always I say this to everybody like, take care of your parents, man. They raised you. And in in any situation, they gave you life, regardless of what your situation is with them. And there, yeah, there's some things out there that we've talked about that are very sensitive that you may not be able to ever forgive. Like if they've harmed you in a in a really like in a weird way, like a abuse and sexual or physical or that kind of stuff. I don't know if I I don't know that you can forgive that kind of stuff, really. Like, but there's people out there that I always have this conversation with that sometimes have sourness towards their parents for XYZ reason. And I'm like, dude, you need to learn to forgive. They gave you life, take care of them. Because when they're gone, you're gonna not remember the bad shit about them. You're going to remember the shit that you miss about them and you're gonna regret ever holding those feelings.

SPEAKER_04 44:08

And so to to hear And you never know what how good your relationship can be, too. Uh I speak from experience. Uh it was rough for a long time with my father. Um but and so for that I'm so grateful. And then two, I'm not saying whatever negative things a parent has done is justified and okay. But for me personally, like just yesterday I kind of learned a little kind of I don't know if you want to say family secret or something, but just got a little intel that I'm like, well, fuck, if I would have known this back in the day, I could have approached my father differently. It was one more appeal to the complicated onion that is my father. But regardless, it just I love my father and like we're at we're in our relationship is awesome.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

It's amazing. I it's hard for me to understand that you guys had a bad thing. I would have never guessed it because you guys have such a great relationship, and I can just see the love in your eyes towards him and the love in his eyes towards you. And like he just he just I it's hard to believe you guys ever had a falling out or whatever you want to call it. So whenever you talk about that, it's it's to me it's like it's foreign because I I've never seen that.

SPEAKER_04 45:07

But I know everybody's situation's different, but if it's something that you can I know certain abuse, sexual abuse, I don't know on that, but luckily mine was only verbal with him. And so that's something I had to do some soul searching on because I held it against him for a long, long time, which didn't do anybody any good, didn't do me any good. It just made me do shitty things to myself to try to cope with whatever XYZ. So it's just coming for me, coming to terms with it and just saying, you know what? Fuck it. This isn't gonna control me. This ends now. I set boundaries as long as we're good to move forward on both sides.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

I love that. And not to go on a tang- sorry to go down that tangent. I just I wanted to bring that up that it warns my heart when when kids take care of their parents and their grandparents and their family, uncles, aunts, whatever. Um, and that this is so awesome that the the Peggy's son was able to take care of her, get you back on your feet, and now you're able to stand on your own and then do your own thing and live your own life, and that you were able to get away from someone that was potentially gonna ruin everything, likely gonna ruin everything for you. So that's congratulations, Peggy.

SPEAKER_04 46:13

That's easy to get into a relationship like that where they can kind of suck you down. Yeah, experience with that as well. So and congratulations on being a grandma.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

Yeah, it's gonna be fun. I know that my mom, she loves being a grandma, she spoils my nephew, so you know you're gonna you're gonna have a blast. Yeah. All right. Next one is from Bobby Delaney. Bobber, sorry, Bob Bobber Delaney. Well, I've had quite a few things happen, but not open for discussion. That's why I like the music, kind of makes me makes the bad times into a good reality of life and brings out the who and such of what the music you make isn't just words. You guys put into it, and being independent, you don't have to lose the creative input for a deadline for a label. Thank you, man. I appreciate that so much, Bobber. Um, even more now than ever, but I have always tried to put lyrics that are relatable to people for the most part. Yeah, we have our fun songs here and there that we've we've thrown in the mix, but I speak from the heart, I speak from experience. Mostly it's personal experience or someone near me that I'm seeing or very close to. And my hope and my goal with music is that it does reach people and it helps them cope. The way that music's helped me cope, I'm trying to give back. And this is actually why I do the podcast now, too. It's the music's one way for me to connect with people and give back. The podcast is another way for people. If you're not a fan of my band, you're not a fan of my music, whatever. I at least have the podcast here that hopefully I can reach other people that normally wouldn't listen to the style of music, and I can help. I can I can help get people to be heard, get people to find solutions to problems that are similar to either myself, yours, or someone's advice that they're giving from a guest to someone commenting, leaving comments like this. So definitely understand if you don't want to share anything. Like I I respect that sometimes you don't want to put yourself out there, and there's there's things that just are not meant to be shared. So thank you. Appreciate that. You get to read the next last three because I've been reading a lot. My voice needs to save for the road.

SPEAKER_04 48:09

Uh the next one is from Kiris Emperor. What's up, Kiris? They say getting married immediately after arriving at my first duty station. No idea that it was going to ruin me more the next 20 years, but here we are. Don't get married because you're grateful that someone shows the bare minimum affection. Know your worth. Fuck yeah, Kiris. Exactly. Exactly. I love that. Yep. I saw there was a TikTok the other day, uh, and granted this was for women against for men. Like the first time you see your dude hits a wall, leave him. The first time he puts you down for something that you enjoy, leave him. You know, like all these like lists. So I mean, I think that's for men as with both parties as well. Like, just know your worth. Like if you have someone that's just knocking you down or not making you feel your best self or whatever, what have you, bye.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Skylar, what we were talking about yesterday. Me and you, I think me and you are having this conversation in the car where we did spend a lot of time in the car yesterday. Yeah, a lot of driving. Holy shit. But you and I were talking about this, and I I remember I mentioned to you, I said, as a couple, we should be helping each other. We should be on the same team always. We should be bringing out the best in each other and supporting each other, not in competition in any way, shape, or form. That's not what it's about. When you're with someone, it's because you are good for each other. I bring out the best in you, you bring out the best in me, and we help each other. When you're down, I lift you up. If I'm down, you lift me up. And we're on the same fucking team. We have this, we should have the same goals of happiness, healthiness, and love, and just living in the moment and fucking enjoying everything that you have together. It's it's sad to see when because I've been in relationships like this where it's comp competition. It's like who can get more attention or who looks better, or who does the like it's it should never be like that. Once you're in a situation like that where you're putting in all the effort for something and the other person just doesn't care, or just kind of like dragging dragging along, get the fuck out. Why be in that? It's you're wasting your last bit of life. Life is so short, don't waste it with somebody that makes you miserable, or is someone that doesn't appreciate you, or doesn't take your energy and be like, you know what? I love this. Like I always tell you, I love your energy. When you go into a room, like you have this energy that you bring out, and whenever you're down, I'm just like, what's wrong? I need to figure out what's wrong.

SPEAKER_04 50:16

No one can handle it if I'm having a bad day.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

No, when you're having a bad day, it's weird. And it's not that you're mean. It's not that you're mean, but you I can sense you're not all sparkly, fucking like shiny and the glitter's not there. Yeah, the glitter's not there, and I feel bad, and I'm just like, I try to get it out of you. But that's that's what I feel like in a relationship it should be. It should be you bring out the best in each other and the glow and the fucking whatever.

SPEAKER_04 50:38

Well, and I mean, same for you. I know when I when I see that you're not having the best day or whatever, I'm like, I don't want to over intrude and piss you off, but I'm like, hey, what can I do?

SPEAKER_02 50:46

Like X, Y, yeah, like I said, we we we have a good relationship in that sense, and I love that. I love that we that's the conversation we were having in the car yesterday on our long drive, but But this goes for friendships too.

SPEAKER_04 50:56

Like too. Don't have friendships either where they're in competition with you. That's fucking weird. I don't know about you. I'm not in competition with anybody, and I'm not meaning that to be cocky or whatever. Like, I'm me, and I love me. I love who I am. I'm I love the person I've become. I don't want to be anybody else. And I hope that for others too. Like you were made, whether you believe in God or not, I personally believe God made all of us how we should be. You are amazing. We all go through shit. We all fucking are a piece of shit at some point in our life, but that's the whole point. We gotta grow from it, move forward, and tell a story, help others out.

SPEAKER_02 51:28

But you're an individual, you're you're an individual, you are yourself, and you're amazing. The only person you should compete with us is yourself. Love yourself. Be better than be better than you were yesterday, be better than you were a year ago, five years ago, whatever. And I know that's continue to progress.

SPEAKER_04 51:40

That's cliche, blah, blah, blah, bullshit, right? But you have it is you have to love yourself first. Because if you don't love you, how do you expect anybody else to love you? Yeah, you're amazing, you are worth good things, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of that good job or whatever your dream is. You are worthy of it. So go out and shoot for it and go with that mentality.

SPEAKER_01 52:01

And don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_04 52:02

Get rid of that bullshit, and don't worry about what other fucking people are doing or what they say, because there's always gonna be a naysayer that's like, oh, well, this never works out, or that dream never works out for people. Fuck them. Yeah, never listen to it. Bye. Because people always want to just remember, there are certain people that always want to see you fail. And so they're always gonna they're watching to see you fail. They're watching you, they're watching you, and it could be your closest friends, right? So just family or friends, family or friends.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

Usually is it usually I saw this meme that I shared the other day.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

People that are the closest to you. Yeah, that can be the worst.

SPEAKER_02 52:31

Your biggest fan is going to be a stranger, your biggest hater is gonna be someone that knows you, and that's 100% true. I've had that all my life, and it's only gotten worse over the years, and that's fine. Keep watching, keep being jealous. Yeah, that's the way I look at it.

SPEAKER_04 52:44

Exactly. Which is sad, but it's like you could be awesome too.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

You just focus on you, just and stop hating on other people or wishing to be other people.

SPEAKER_04 52:51

Like I just that breaks. Uh the next one is from Steve Metzler. Uh, he says, Got married. I knew uh I knew it was planned, but spontaneously moved the date up because of this outcome. I have no advice to give.

SPEAKER_02 53:04

Well, I mean, hey, you shared. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:07

And yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:08

So uh he made a face right there when it says got married.

SPEAKER_03 53:11

Yes, I hope it's good.

SPEAKER_02 53:12

I hope it's good too.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

Yeah. So it was a good decision. I hope it was a great decision. I feel like that's what you're meaning.

SPEAKER_02 53:18

I do too. So I'll take it. So I'll I'll think positive and and and think that it's sending you good vibes, buddy. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 53:24

You know? Uh and the last one, right? Is this from the last one? That's the last one. The last one is from Randy Cable. He says, Getting off drugs. I didn't realize it was significant because it was my third prison number. I didn't want to quit, nor did I believe it was possible, but I followed directions when I got out and started pursuing recovery. I lived with my dad, who was injecting and dealing drugs, so it was no easy task. Now I got 15 years clean, two children, a master's degree in mental health. That's awesome, mental health. And I'm the clinical director of a treatment program. See?

SPEAKER_01 53:55

Love that. See? Giving back, man. It's giving back.

SPEAKER_04 53:58

If I had not taken that opportunity and wasted it like my previous force attempts at abstinence, I'd probably be probably be dead or working as a cook at one of the many correctional institutions in ho in Ohio. My advice would be find someone with experience and listen to them. 100%.

SPEAKER_06 54:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:16

100%. That's why we all like again, I feel we all go through bats in our life where we're at our lowest because there's a purpose for it. So like this individual being through addiction, prison, that whole mental fuck, right? Then getting their masked, getting clean, congratulations, 15 years, getting a master's in mental health, being a director of a uh recovery institution. See? Who's best to do it than someone that's experienced, rock bottom?

SPEAKER_02 54:45

Someone that can someone that can speak to it from the heart and with a story, yes, 100%. I love that. And I love hearing a good story come out of this. When people like that's why I say don't have regrets on the shit that you've been through. Have regrets if you don't ever change. Uh, you just continue to downside and keep going down, down, down, down, down. But it's never too late to turn it around. But why wait? Don't say I'll do it in five days. I'll do it a week from now, I'll do it at the beginning of the year. I'll do no. If you recognize there's a problem, make the change now because tomorrow's not promised. And that does sound fucking cheesy, I know, but it's it really is true. And when you turn it around, you can do some great things, like what Randy here shared with us. And I love hearing a good story about someone that's been at the bottom that now is get giving back. And everything you've been through, yeah, it does suck that you've you've had these scars and this bruising and this hurt and everything that that life has given you, but don't let that just go to waste. You know, share your stories, give back, and hopefully someone listens. It will connect with someone. There's always gonna be people up there that are just like, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever. And then they want to go do their own thing and find out for themselves. Sometimes it takes people to actually go through the process or go through the process for many years and fall multiple times before they finally are like, you know what? I need to make a change. So keep sharing your story, and I love I love hearing that. I love hearing the turnaround on that.

SPEAKER_04 56:00

That's so great. Yay. Um, so what's one decision you made that completely changed the direction of your life? So a couple things. First, I think for me, I mean, I'm not sober, I do have enjoy a cocktail here and there, but I think is not drinking like I used to. I used to use drinking uh as a coping mechanism, that type of stuff, and then embarrassing stories and all that, and then you get kind of labeled as like uh I'm the fun one, the party girl. Like we all want to hang out with Mariah because she knows how to have a blast and she's fun to be around, she's fun to drink, blah blah blah. And it's like I don't want to be like known as being the fun drunk. Like I want to be fun, just sober, fun Mariah. Don't get me wrong, I like to have little mimosas here and there, a little apparent spritz with the bestie when I see her. But it's just I don't know. I think you just get to a point where you just kind of outgrow it too. I just I don't like how it made me feel, especially waking up with regret. There was one instance, gosh, like six, seven years ago, where I worked at a winery and it was August and hung out with some friends after work and magnums, they're the the big huge uh wine bottles or like double or whatever. I don't know what the ounces is or whatever, but drank like two of rose, drank two of those in August in a hundred degree direct sunshine. Didn't really eat. Yep, shitty, stupid fucking decisions. Yep. Don't remember blacked out, yep. And the thing with me too, I don't know if it's I could handle my alcohol, but I would all I I would constantly like the whole my whole drinking career, I guess, I would constantly black out. But it's one of what's scary, obviously blacking out scary, is the next day being around friends and whatnot, and they'd be like, this and that, and I'm like the night before with like funny things or whatever. And I'm like, what? And they're like, What? And I'm like, I don't remember that. And they're like, What do you mean you don't remember like this situation or whatever funny thing? I'm like, I I remember like at this point and like kind of the rest of the night's a blur, and they're like, You were blacked out, yeah. You seemed fine, like sure, little buzzard, whatever, right? Because obviously heavy drinking, but I didn't had no idea you were like lights out, and I'm like, Yep, so that's fucking scary. So anyway, drinking rose, 80 degree day, fucking blacked out, drove home, fucking by the grace of God, I didn't hurt anybody, let alone my fucking self, popped a fucking tire, driving downtown Salem, because I lived in West Salem, so I had to go from pretty much Turner to West Salem, popped my fucking tire somewhere down the line. I'm riding my driving my car fucking on the rim to downtown Salem over the bridge to West Salem to where I lived, hit something, so I had a big scratch down the side of my car, big scrape. Went home. My roommate at the time wasn't home. I puked all over my fucking bathroom, puked in the doorway of my bedroom. Thank God I didn't lay down flat when I went to sleep. Luckily, like I my bed was made and I had my pillows up, so I was propped up. So when I woke up, I had puked on myself. That was that was fucking scary. And so when I came to the next morning, feeling like dog shit, of course, and scared because I've never been that awful. Like, where I was like, is this a fucking problem? So I get up, I see the puke on me, I see the puke on the floor that's been drying on the carpet for God knows how long. Go in my bathroom, it's a fucking disaster, and totally forgetting about my car and then cleaning it up, cleaning it up, and then all of a sudden it comes to me like, fuck my car. So then I go out into the parking lot, sure shit, parked perfect, but my fucking rim, my fucking tire, my the rubber of my tire was melted to the rim. It was awful. I was so embarrassed. My car was only a couple years old. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? What the fuck? So that was just an eye-opening time. So just for me, and especially now, I I so I used to drink to cope with to cover up feelings, to whatever. Um, I don't like being drunk now. I don't I don't even really like honestly getting a buzz. Like I ha like having like a cocktail or two, but being in control, like if I even do that, but that's as far as I take it. I just I don't like not being in control. I don't ever want a situation like that to happen, especially where I could have hurt somebody else or killed somebody else. What if I hurt a child? Like, could you fucking imagine? Could you fucking imagine? I would be dead. Like, I so that's a big one. Two, this is gonna be controversial because I know not everybody is for it. GLPs have changed my life. I've always struggled with weight. And I know so many people are like, oh, just diet and exercise. Bitch, that's all I did my whole life. That's for me. Obviously, it's not for everybody, and that's fine. I'll never push it. You do you. I bad body image, fucking eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, like all that stuff, just because that's just how my body is. I had a trainer with a set meal plan that I followed, you can contest to this, for a year and a half. So I'm spending all this money starving. I mean, I'm eating, but it's like, and I'm doing this workout regimen of like six days a week when it's like I could only lose 20 pounds and I would just stop. GLPs have helped me. I've lost, I haven't weighed myself in a long time. So I I'm just I have maintenance now, but I've lost about 60 pounds. I'm way less than I did in high school. Um, I just I've always been a big girl. Um 5'9, I've always averaged 180. That was my skinny. I'm probably about 145, 150 now, um, where I should be. Um, I I feel better, things don't hurt. The good thing that comes with it too, so I do trazeptide, not ozempic or semaglutide, the next one up. So it has the two receptors that it works on. It really controls cravings. Like that food noise is gone. That controlled my life. Then on top of being ADHD and all that shit, it's helped with a lot of those symptoms too. But it's also helped cravings. Like, I can't drink. Like I can have a like, I can't drink more than like an IPA because I will physically start getting ill. Like my stomach's like, hey, stop. And so that's another positive side effect, I guess you could say, of uh a GLP is that it stops crazy. You don't want it necessarily. Like, don't get me wrong, there are times where I'm like, oh yeah, beer would sound great, but I'm like, no. So that's helped. And then just feeling better, feeling better in my skin, not constantly having that negative view of myself. Because I mean, I'm sure, like many girls growing up, born in the 80s, growing up in the 90s, you were called fat. If you weren't a fucking size negative five, you're fat, you're this, you're that. So it's just that body dysmorphia. That's that's a bitch to get over. But I think with age now, too, that's one of the things where I'm like, I don't fucking care. You don't like how I look, don't fucking look. But anyway, I like how I feel on it. And third, it's another release, yes, I've always been a positive person, but there's always been a fight inside, a fire inside, a negative fire that I've had to fight with all the time, whether it's for me or trauma or whatever the fuck it is. Um, getting closer with God and building my relationship there has really helped me. And I know there's been a few in the comments that have said it as well. It's just it, it's it it does make you become more disciplined and just really analyze your life. Where could positive changes happen? You know, XYZ. Uh so I'm grateful for that. If it's not for you, it's not for you. If it is, I encourage it. Absolutely. Follow-up questions, did you realize it's did you realize its significance at the time? Uh with drinking, I think so. I well, I I would say too, with you getting sober as well, because when we got together, we were partying pretty hard. But I think you've been a big influence on me, a positive influence to where it's like, I don't want to do that. You're sober, I don't want to be a drunken idiot girlfriend in the corner, right? Like no one wants to deal with that, right? I mean, I'm loud enough.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:38

Just give me a little bit sound sexist, but also looks worse when females are like that, I feel like. Just because men, yeah, it doesn't look good on a man either. But when a chick is just a sloppy mess or she's always a drunk and whatnot, like girls should have it together more than men. Not not saying, yeah, you don't want to be known for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:54

It's because we're better than them.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:55

I just hold you ladies to a higher standard. Yes, and I'm not trying to sound sexist.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:00

We're amazing.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:01

But I feel like women hold things together better than most men. Not saying that addiction doesn't affect everyone. It does affect everyone.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:08

But I don't know. It's just my brain, the way that it takes in.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:13

The significance of a GLP. Uh I think I was just excited when I went to through the aesthetics company that I went through, the med spa. Uh because I was I heard about it. This is like three years ago. So I've been on it for three years. I was like, well, what could have hurt? So it wasn't really planned, it was spawn it definitely.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:27

You tried something new.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:28

Yeah, I tried something new. But in the same kind of with faith. I mean, I've always my parents were never really like religious or went to church, but like my grandparents, they did. And so I would go to Bible school every summer up until like eighth grade or freshman year. Eighth grade was my last year. And so it's like I I've been in the church like barely, right? I don't know the Bible and the stories and all that stuff. So reading the Bible, I'm like, this is interesting. And a lot of things it does click and it's a study Bible, so it just helps you. I mean, granted, obviously this the Bible things are from thousands of years ago or whatever. So but it just really helps reframe your mind to like how could you be doing things differently than whomever? Or how do you bring God into your everyday life to avoid these types of situations or that type of stuff? So yep, uh, was it plant spontaneous? Uh, what advice would you give someone facing a similar decision? Go for it. Get sober. If you feel you need to be sober, you're tired of waking up feeling like shit. Um, and maybe it's not sobriety, maybe you're not someone that is a complete that doesn't have an uh maybe they say alcoholism's a disease. Maybe it's not a disease for you, but maybe it's just you need to cut back and not do it as much. That's a habit. So when you go out to the bar, everybody's drinking, but maybe that's what your group of friends does. Uh if that's the group that you feel is a good solid group, they're they're good friends, do a club soda with lemon and lime. It's like a vodka you're drinking a vodka soda, obviously without the vodka. Uh, but the the aesthetics of it, right? Like Cody was saying, there's so many NAs out there now and they taste exactly the same. I mean, there's some really great brands. Like there's Crux from Bend Oregon, Bender Redmond, I think Ben. Uh they have their Nomo side and they have a lot of different IPAs and they're really good. Even the Chutes IPA, they have non-alcoholics now. Corona, Medell uh I don't know what yeah, I think Medello does. What's the other one? Uh the green bottle. Heineken. Heineken does. I mean, there's so many, and for whatever you want, whatever type of flavor you're looking for. Blah, blah, blah. That was it. That was it. A similar situation. You've struggled with weight your whole life, your whole family, but like my whole family is a history of obesity. Even in my um DNA stuff that I had done, tell me like what I am and all these traits about me and all this stuff. It even says like you're prone to be obese. I'm like, sweet. Uh so that's helped me, but I say try it. Always start with a doctor though. Start with a doctor, have your blood work done. There's a lot of black market places. Yes, they're cheap. Be very fucking careful. That's why I say start off with a doctor first, learn how to inject yourself, get your blood work done to make sure it is appropriate for you. Go that around and then go from there. So that faith, I mean, if if you're feeling called to God, go. What's the worst that could happen? Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:18

Well, I mean, I think it's known for what I would say it's like I mentioned earlier, sobriety was probably the best decision I ever made. So I won't go too far into that because there's lots of episodes where I talk about I talk about that in every episode, sobriety, because it is a huge part of my life now. Um and you kind of have to make it that way whenever you're when you're making a big change like that, that you you're breaking a bad habit and addiction or whatever. That's like I said, it's the foundation of who I am. So I would say the next huge thing for me that I would share that I made a big decision was I was in a very long-term relationship that was very toxic, very bad. I cared a lot about the the girl and she cared about me, but we just did a lot of bad things back and forth to each other. It got to the point where she asked me to decide between music or starting a family with her and getting married and all that. I was very young at the time, and I that was not in anywhere in my sight. I was always wanted to be a musician. I was never ever going to give up music. I told myself that I will die doing it. Regardless of what level I do it at, music's always going to be a huge part of my life because it saved my life. Music has saved my life in every situation. Music has always been there for me when I was hurt by a girlfriend or by a friend or by a family member going through a tough situation, something I just couldn't handle. Music has always been there for me, and people have always let me down, whether that be a family member, a girlfriend, a best friend, a friend, a whatever. I've always been let down by people, but music has never let me down. It's always been there for me. It's been my way to therapy, it's been the way that I vent when I'm writing, it's been the way that I am able to get out feelings and emotions and thoughts. So I would never ever abandon music. So I told her flat out, I said, I love you, but you met me as a musician, and I'm always gonna be a musician. And I understand where you want to go, and that's fine. She went her way, I went my way. And I think what it did for me, why I became so driven and so hard headed that I was gonna do music and just take it to that next level, was because I was going to prove to her and everyone else around me that I was dedicated to this and I was meant for this, and I was going to take this to a whole nother level. And I literally started American Overdose right after that. I went into the studio, worked with a producer, shout out to Human Human Studios, started working with him, took some songs that I wanted to work on, direction I wanted to take the band. I already had a band name that I came up with. We recorded, recorded, recorded. And then the next year, I found the live band members. I got my brother on board, I got Brick, we had my old guitar player, which I've had on here before, Jeremy, put it together. We and we were playing literally six to seven days a week, nonstop. It was not we were driving back and forth. It was like a job. It was, it was 100% the band. We used to jam three to four times a week in the afternoon. We would jam for like five or six hours every single day, and we were constantly playing shows all over the West Coast. And it the band was 100% it. And that's all it was. That it my life was one. I sold my soul to American Overdose and said, this is what my life is going to be, and this is what I'm going to do. This is what my purpose is going to be. And I don't regret that decision ever. And anytime I get down about something, whether that be the band itself or all the work that goes into it, the financial part of it that can be very stressful, when I'm lacking motivation, I put myself back on, I remind myself of where I was at that point when I had to make that decision if I was going to do music or start a family and go this direction with the person that I'd been with for years. And I'm like, that guy is still in me. That that it's in my soul. It's in, it's it's now bigger than ever. I took something, I took nothing and I made something out of it. Regardless of how you feel about American overdose, my band, the music, us as people, whatever, I created something fucking great. Like there, it literally started with nothing. And I don't come from someone that has money. I definitely don't have, I don't have a background of rich family members. I don't come from a different band that was known at all. I played in a lot of jack-off fucking bands around the area, local area that didn't go anywhere. None of the musicians I played with went on to do other great things or anything like that or bigger things than me. I've taken this band and literally put out albums that people connect with and relate to, put out tons of videos, played huge ass festivals. We've been on radio, we've been had thousands of fans all over the place, lots of experiences that I will that only I can talk about and and not very many people can relate to. Opened up for lots and lots of bands and festivals that I would have never believed that I would have done when I was a kid. Done a lot of great things in this band that I could I appreciate now when I was partying and really into it. And so, like going through my craziness, I didn't appreciate it like I do now. Now I reflect back and I think and I'm like, the only reason why people wouldn't like this band or what we do is because they're jealous and they're haters. And I don't mean that like just to sound cocky or anything. It really is that. We write some really good fucking music, quality's there, we put on a great fucking show.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:06

Well, especially you were what was it, the other night, a couple weeks ago or whatever, you were playing your first album and stuff. And don't get me wrong, it's a bit awesome because that's what started you, but it's like just to hear just how far AOD has come from that first album to now and this quality of the songs and the engineering and everything that goes into it.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:24

The songwriting, the progression, the lyrics, everything, just everything.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:27

I mean, my personal opinion, I think you're the best you've ever been.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:30

Yep. And it it's only gotten better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:32

I mean, like you said, if it's not for you, it's not for you, but you have to admire the dedication. Like Cody does not stop.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:37

Dedication, the drive. I live and breathe it. I'd wake up to it, go to bed to it, and all day. It's just band stuff. I put my all into this. Everything. Everything I do is for this band. And it's gonna be my legacy. When I die and when I'm long gone, my music's gonna live. My lyrics, my thoughts, my music, what my everything's gonna live forever as long as it's it's out there. So I don't ever regret that decision. And it uh made me who I am. It it drove me to be dedicated and driven and disciplined and all those things. And I think that a lot of that had to do, had helped me, that those characteristics that I built from being in this band. It kind of was my downfall because I built a character that I let come into my life. And I was just it's funny, I was talking about this with someone on about this the other day. I built a character for this band that comes out on stage, and I let that character, I couldn't tell the difference between Cody Perez, the normal guy, to the character that I built up, and that consumed my life and took over. It possessed me and made me fucking crazy. And I was I believed the hype, I believed the character, I believe I let it just basically be who I am and who I identified as and and my 24-7. And I've learned, obviously, through sobriety and all that shit, that I have to separate that, and that's just a character that I play on stage or a persona that I play online or whatever the case may be, but it's not who I am. And so what it's funny, but what I created almost destroyed me, but also now helped me get sober. The the disciplines and all that shit that that came from uh the the characteristics and the skills that I learned in this band is what helped me get sober and and so very thankful for that. I have no regrets whatsoever. Um, and I wish that person all the happiness in the world that she's living the life that she wanted. Because I'm living the life that I wanted to, so I'm very uh very thankful for that.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:20

I never wish bad things on my exes, even if they've been awful, like even my ex-husband. I'm like, I just hope and pray that you're being loving yourself, finding you, getting help if needed, right? He did he obviously ex-husband needs help, but or needed it. But hopefully they're doing good things, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:36

I I always wish the best on those that were a part of my life because they were a part of my life for a reason. And they built they they were part of the the story, the story of Cody Perez. Let's see, the other thing I would say is leaving my job as a bartender. I was a bartender making a lot of money, a lot of money, at a very young age when I was 21. And I don't I don't like talking about the job that I work for, the companies that I work for, anything like that, just because it's none of anyone's business. But I left a a job that I was very comfortable in, making lots of money to do something completely different in an office environment and all that. And it was scary because I was making more money than I had ever seen or dreamt of at that point for my age, I should say. And I did it because I was like, I can only do this for so long before you're burnt out, putting in that many hours a day into something. And also it was it wasn't helping my addiction problems. I working in a bar, living that lifestyle of after you get off work, you go to the bars, drink, socialize all that, go to the strip clubs, and it's it was literally every single day. And it took me away from music. I wasn't able to do music for like the year and a half that I was bartending because you make your most money on the nights that you would normally do gigs. So making that change helped me learn how to work in a corporate environment, how to get along with people, how to properly send emails and put letters together, talk to customers, all that kind of stuff that I now apply to my everyday life with the band and that kind of stuff. So I would say those three things are the life-changing things that I made, the decisions that I made that affected me long-term-wise. Those are the ones that come to mind always first. Of course, there's tons of other ones, but those are the ones that come to mind when I think about that. What I would say to someone that's thinking about any of these things that are similar to that is like we mentioned earlier, take a chance, believe in yourself, know that you can do it, know that everything will be all right. It's gonna be a bumpy road in the beginning, but you're gonna get over it. And then it's gonna be smooth, and then all of a sudden there may be a hurdle that's even bigger that gets in your way. It's sometimes a test of how bad you want it, or to challenge you to be better and elevate yourself to another level. So you keep going. And it's like some of these people were talking about here earlier, like they had to make a change and it just it it made them who they are today. So I would just say, take the risk, it's worth it. In the end, you won't regret it. You'll only regret if you don't take chances, if you get comfortable.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:54

So that would be being comfortable can sometimes be very dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:58

Dangerous and it's harmful for yourself, and it doesn't it doesn't promote growth. Yeah, so so with that said, please stick around for segment two with my guest, Ginger. Like I said, very sensitive subject, great conversation. I hope you enjoy this. Welcome everyone to segment two of the podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. Today's guest is Ginger. Welcome, Ginger.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:20

Hi, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:21

Hello, I'm so happy to have you here. Now, folks out there, I don't personally know Ginger. Uh, this is another guest that I get to get to know with you on the podcast here. So I am excited to have Ginger as a guest. So, Ginger, go ahead and tell us your story.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:35

So, I want to preface this by saying that I've always told people who are struggling with mental health to be careful what you do because you don't understand the wreckage that you leave behind. And sometimes I've had people snap back with it's not about you. And I need you guys to understand that it isn't about me until you take that step. So, what happened was back in 2001, my brother made a life choice. He took his own life. It was December, it was the day after my birthday. I was sitting at home. I was actually getting ready to go to a concert. It was the not-so-silent night concert. Lincoln Park was gonna be there. There's a whole bunch of bands that are gonna be there, and I'm getting ready for that. And my brother had a long history of getting in trouble with the law. Um, and I would do what I could to save him. So my husband at the time called me and said, Hey, I your brother's car is uh up at the front edge road. There's a bunch of cops up there. You might want to go see if you can stop it from being impounded. So I was like, Nope, no problem. So I get in the car, my sister's with me, we go up there and we take the exit. And oddly enough, we take this exit and it feels like I got punched in the chest. And I looked at my sister, I was like, that was weird. And she was like, Yeah. And so it happened to her too. But we pull up and they're they're cops, they stop us because they've got my brother's car on a tow truck at this point. And they're like, Hey, you need to wait here for the investigators. And I'm like, What investigators? And the guys come up to me and they're like, So there's been an incident. Would anybody else be driving your brother's car? And I was like, No, nobody else would be driving it, just him. He doesn't let anybody drive his car. And he was like, Okay, well, just wait here. I'll be back in a minute. And I was like, Okay, that's Can I stop you really can I stop you really quick?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:23

I just want to get an idea. How how old were you at this point and how old was he?

SPEAKER_07 1:19:27

So I was 25 and he was 28. He was three years older than me, and my sister was five years older than me. So thank you. Anywhere between 20, I was 25, he was 28, and she was 30. So yeah. So we're sitting there and we're talking, and I'm like, I don't know what's happened, but this is not good. And like 45 minutes goes by, and we're just sitting there, and I'm like, that's it, I'm done. I'm driving down there because they were further down the road. They kind of just left us sitting on the side of the road and they were further down. So just as I start my car, the guy comes back and he's like, Hey, we definitely have a male. There's definitely been an incident of uh suicide. What did he look like? I kind of give a description and they're like, Hey, can you come and identify his body? And I'm like, Yes, we'll follow you there. So we went to the coroner's office. I called my mom on the way. I'm like, hey, we're going to go identify him. I did not want my mom to do it because I figured if anything, that was like the worst thing for my mom to have to do. And then I called my dad. My dad lived in Oregon and I was like, hey, this is what they think is going on. I'll call you when I have more information. So we went. My mom inevitably showed up there, but I didn't allow her to go back there. And the way that my brother was on this table, they're like, hey, you have to understand, like he hung himself. So, like, his tongue's hanging out of his mouth, he's kind of laying with his head to the side. And I was like, Okay. And they opened the window, and my brother used to play this game. Now, my boys at this age, they're at this time, they were young. So my oldest was six, and my youngest was two or one, one or two. And he was the way that he looked on that table was like he looked when he was playing with my kids, play dead thing. And I just instinctually I slammed my hand against the window and yelled, wake up, and then realized what I had done, and I just walked away. So they took that as an identification. So after all of this, and the reason for this conversation is so that you can understand what happens to the siblings or your children or your family, right? So, what happens after this is I go ahead and I'm making all of the plans for the wake. I make all the plans to get him buried, get him cremated, get him back, because I don't want my mom to have to do any of this. It's her child. She shouldn't have to.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:44

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:45

Yeah. So, and then my dad, he was in Oregon, he's remarried to somebody and like not his problem type thing. Not that he wasn't upset by it, but like he wasn't going to be very helpful. So I got everything planned and done. And it took me, I don't know, about a month to get everything done. And in that time, like my mom was grieving, my sister was here, she was grieving, my my husband was grieving. That was his best friend. Like everybody around me was grieving while I'm like trying to get everything done. So by the time everything's said and done, we get him in the ground, everybody's everything's taken care of, and I have a minute to fall apart. Everybody else was done grieving for the most part. And they played this game like he never existed, which made it like 10 times worse. Because now I didn't have anybody to talk to because they don't want to talk about it. They just want to forget that it happened, move on, and not talk about it. And that's where like my demise started, is because I'm like trying to, well, we don't like, hey, do you remember when like this or that? And they're like, I don't want to talk about it. So it made it really, really difficult for me. Now, my brother growing up, he had a learning disability because he was born with his cord wrapped around his neck. So he had lack of oxygen. So through school and all of that, he had speech delays. He had a couple of learning disabilities. So he always needed a little bit of help. But then as he got older, he kind of got into drugs and doing things he shouldn't be doing. He would get into altercations. And then one time he got into an altercation and he was hit in the head with a bat and it split his skull from ear to ear. So he was then in the hospital, and that whatever traumatic brain injury that caused, it caused his speech to break up. So he would say, Hi, my name is Arl. And it was a really weird break in his speech. So I did a lot of things to help him. So, like any paperwork he needed done, I did that. Any like talking to people who didn't quite understand him, I would like kind of decipher it for them. So I did take care of him a lot. So after he passed away, I went into therapy because I couldn't figure out why I'm upset, but I'm more than upset. And I'm talking to my therapist and she goes, You've taken this like you've lost a child. And then when I explained my brother and my like connection and our bond, she was like, That's why. Because you've kind of been his mom. As you've grown up, you've taken care of him more and more. So for me, it was ten times worse than just losing a brother. It was like losing a child too.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:25

So I was gonna say, and while you're while you're being trying to be the strong one in the family and getting everything together, like did it did it ever really like I understand that when you hit on the window, it kind of that they kind of took you away from there, but when you walked away from there, was there like a point in your head where you're kind of in denial that it happened, or were you just like so focused on trying to be like the um the the person that was gonna handle the matters so that your mom and the rest of the family wouldn't have to deal with it or so I think I went into even though I saw him there, I I think I did go into a lot of denial just because I know I face searched a lot for him.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:11

And uh that's something I don't know if you've lost anybody traumatically, but it's something you do. You'll see somebody who kind of has the same gait or kinda has the same hair and you're like looking for them. But I don't think I face searched as much as I would have had I not seen him.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:26

Yeah, I um I can't imagine seeing a situation like that. I know that when I lost my dad, I was 19 years old and um it was an open casket. I lost him to uh alcoholism, and just in the couple of days of his body, them doing everything they do to prepare them for the funeral, I I mean I knew it was him, but it didn't even look like him. He was like super pale white, and I I don't know if it was my imagination or if he actually did, but there was points where when we were there at the casket, his eye kind of would twitch and his hand kind of even like would grab onto mine kind of like it was like like almost and and they say that the body can do that uh after they get it ready for burial and that and that it's possible like that their their body is still like their nerves or whatever. Yeah. I don't know if it was that or if it was my imagination or just like the the shock that I had because I I kind of went into a little bit of denial of myself for a little bit. It hurt, but I didn't fully understand what happened and accept it myself when when he passed away. And it hits death hits everyone differently. I obviously mine was much different because I was I I saw it coming. We we saw him in the hospital. The doctors prepared us like, hey, this is what's gonna happen next. This is probably what you're gonna be dealing with. He may be gone in a couple of weeks, he may be gone in a couple of months. So it was seven days after we got him in the hospital that he that he passed away, but the doctors didn't know what it was gonna be. But ultimately we knew what the outcome was gonna be. You were in a whole different situation where you had no idea this was happening, right? Like this was right.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:54

There, yeah, that and that's the crazy thing. Like, there was nothing like there was no sign of like, okay, he's depressed, this is gonna happen. So what I found out later, days later, was that his girlfriend, we all hated her. We couldn't stand her, and he had lost his job because of her. He was living here at my place. I had to kick him out because she wouldn't quit drinking and leaving her bottles around for my one and a half year old to pick up and try to drink from. So, like, I had to kick her out of here. I told him you can stay, she's gotta go. And then she kept showing up to my property and threatening me. I'm like, look, dude, if he got if he can't stop, she's gotta you gotta go. Like, I got kids here. I can't do this. And so apparently she told him that she was gonna go back to Holland because she was from Holland and that she wasn't gonna come back. And to him, I think he felt like he had given up his family, he'd give he'd lost his job, like he'd lost everything, and now she was going to going to abandon him. And so, what I understand is that he they got into like of shoving all And he took her belt and went down and started to tie himself up. And then she took off in his car and flagged down help because the car died and went back to try to find him, but couldn't remember where they were. And what makes me so angry about that situation is she was six foot two. My brother was like six one. And when they found him, his toes were like a quarter of an inch off the ground. So if she hadn't run, she would have saved his life.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:29

So it sounds like maybe this was something like where it was kind of in the heat of the moment that he just reacted. Was he a very reactionary person in general?

SPEAKER_07 1:28:37

He was because of that TBI that he had, like, and the fact that he already had the the learning disabilities from when he was born. Like he couldn't get things, he could he was really smart, but he couldn't get things from his brain out of his mouth. So he would reactionary all it was always a reaction. There was very little chill with him unless he was hanging out with my kids or his kids that when they were younger. So and that's the other thing is he not only did he leave behind nieces and nephews, but he had two kids that weren't biologically his but loved him biologically, like they didn't care.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:14

Yeah, no, that that's a that's a scary thought just because I know I'm not gonna mention names, but I know someone close to me that's very reactionary. And it it scares me because you just never know what's gonna s make them snap. And they don't think of the consequences, they don't think of the overall what's gonna happen. They're just thinking in that moment, like, I need to react to this in the only way that I understand to do it, and they do it. And then later down the road, when you talk to them about whatever it is that however they react, in in a situation like mine, uh luckily it's not been something where they've done something that permanently takes them all out, but they do things where it's just like you could have really hurt yourself or hurt somebody, and it's because you get in a state of mind of like where you blackout and you just react. Uh-huh. And then when you try to talk to them, they don't I don't know if I don't know how your brother was, but I know that in the situations where the people that I know that are like this, they don't ever question or think that something is wrong with them. They just think that's normal to be that way.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:16

The other thing is is that they don't see how explosive they are.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:19

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:20

They don't understand how how far they take it. They're like, it wasn't that big of a deal. I don't know why you're upset about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:26

Yeah, exactly. And and that's a scary thing because you just never know what the outcome's gonna be for something. And did he have any conditions uh like autism, uh ADHD or anything like that?

SPEAKER_07 1:30:40

You know, because of the time, again, this was back in 2001. We don't know. Um my my assumption is that yes, he had like the lack of oxygen thing happening to him, but if I look back at it, he definitely had ADD going on there for sure. Autism, not so much, but my mom did think that he was bipolar. But again, there's that TBI there. So the bipolar, I don't know because the TBI was so loud. But go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:10

I was just gonna say, did he ever show signs of like because I know you said that he was kind of like he did get in altercations, but did he ever show signs of being a violent towards himself or people that were close to him?

SPEAKER_07 1:31:22

Him and his wife at the his ex-wife, he he had divorced her, but uh they had a very, very tumultuous relationship. It was the strangest thing I'd ever seen in my life. That they would literally fight in their sleep. They would be laying in bed sleeping, and one would roll over and hit one by accident, and the other one would roll over. It was a very, very violent relationship. Um, but it was like their thing. I don't, it was really weird and it was weird to watch, but not necessarily towards kids or anything. It was just each other. But again, it I I don't hide the fact that okay, he was abusive because of A, B, or C. But I don't think anything that happened to him growing up or from birth helped anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:06

And I always told her, you should probably leave. Y'all should probably go find somebody that you actually want to be with. They're like, no, we love each other. I'm like, you guys are weird, whatever. But uh, he did he did have drug issues for a little while, and he would get pulled over by the cops all the time, and they'd be like, Okay, you're going to jail, because they always thought that he was high because his pupils were blown from the TBI, to the point that my mom had to like almost file a lawsuit against the police department for messing with him all the time.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:35

So it it was almost like he could never get away from it, if that makes any sense. But yeah, so after everything was said and done, and like I said, everybody around me, I didn't really have anybody to talk to about it. I tried to become an alcoholic. I just wasn't good at it because I had two little kids and I won't drink and drive, and I won't drink with my kids in the car. But like I was trying to find a way to throw myself down the rabbit hole. And unfortunately, the only way that I could do anything was to just be angry. So I became very angry for a while. And one of the hardest things was my youngest son at the time, like I said, it wasn't, I think he was like one and a half. And he came to me and he's he's saying to me, he's like, Tiki tree, tiki tree, and I'm like, huh? And he's like, Carl, ticky tree. And I'm like, Well, Carl's gone, honey. What's a and I'm he keeps saying Tiki Tree over and over and over again. I'm like, and finally I'm like, can you show me? And so he takes my hand and he takes me into the the kitchen and he points at the marshmallows and he says, Carl, tiki tree. And I'm like, Oh, because my brother called them sticky treats. And he was saying, Carl, sticky treats I want to he do all he wanted was the marshmallow, but like it just breaks you over and over again when like something comes up and you don't you can't explain it to a one and a half year old, right? Like there's no getting them to understand it, but understanding all of that, it it just made everything it magnifies it, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:34:03

Yeah, that's that's that's hard. That's really, really hard. I can't imagine like that.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:07

It really was. And then my my older son, who I I like I said, I think he was like five, maybe six at the time. He was really hurt by it because my again, my brother lived here and they had a really good relationship, and he was like, he's never coming back. And I'm like, no, unfortunately, he's not. Because again, he's six, he doesn't understand, other than he's gone away and he's not gonna come back. And we've talked about it as they've gotten older, and they're like, Yeah, that it really sucked because we didn't understand he went away, meant he was he was gone, gone.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:37

Yeah, and and you said that I mean you said that you try to go down the rabbit hole of being an alcoholic to was that so that you could un try to understand maybe what he was going through, or was it for you to like forget that it happened or I was so hurt and so upset, I didn't want to be here anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:56

I literally didn't want to live anymore. If it wasn't for those two boys, I would have thrown myself in the hole with him. I that's how much of a bond we had that was different. Because, like, like the doctor said, you're taking this as if you lost a child. And and that's what it felt like. It felt like my whole heart had stopped. Like there was a huge hole in my chest, and there wasn't anything I could do to fix it. It just hurt. And that's why I say like I tried to throw myself in so many directions, and uh, maybe some of it was like trying to get somebody to understand that I needed somebody to help me. Yeah, like I needed somebody to understand how hurt I was, but nobody would talk about it. So it made it almost impossible.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:37

I was gonna say, and and and back then, well, that this was around 2000 2001, you said, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:35:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:43

So luck luckily now we have all these different ways that people that have these type of whether it's addiction or a loss of a family member or you're a victim of some sort of of crazy uh horrible crime or something, there is social media that and groups that you can be a part of that you can communicate with strangers and open up about it, conversate, listen to podcasts.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:06

If even TikTok was around back then, I think I would have been okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:09

Yeah, because then it it there's something about uh talking to people that can relate that helps you feel like you're not alone. It helps you feel like, oh yeah, I've experienced that too. And maybe they give you a good suggestion on on ways that you can try to move on or uh get your mind off of it.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:29

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:30

There's there's there's a lot more resources now, I would say, thanks for the city.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:33

And it's not so taboo. And that and that was the big thing back then, too, is it mental health awareness was just making that corner, but it was still taboo of like she's seeing somebody, she's crazy. Like it it wasn't the way that it is now where go. Every and personally, I think everybody needs to be in therapy. Even if you have the perfect life, you've always got something to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:56

Yeah, yeah. And I mean, even if you yeah, you you even if you don't, at least having a person that you can open up with and confide in and talk about things with, right? Like I've I've noticed as I've gotten older and now that I'm sober, um, I definitely express myself a lot more than I ever did before. And I just feel like it's healthy and reflecting and and uh making better choices and and and and all that. As someone that can relate to thinking or having crossing it your mind that you you don't want to be here anymore, I can't even imagine what what actually going through with it and then what that would do. Like I think the one thing that always has has stopped me has been where I think, well, how's this gonna affect my mom? How's this gonna affect my girlfriend? How's this gonna affect my brothers, my family members? Um, and and that's always in the past stopped me from those situations. But I've been I've been down that dark hole where you just don't feel like it's not gonna get better, and you just don't see any other way out, and you just don't feel like anyone can relate to you, and like you're alone, and all you see is just darkness and and there's no light there, and it it really sucks when you get to that point. I think at that point when you get to to it, you really at that point you really really really really need to talk to somebody, anyone. Yeah. Even even if it's even if it's a complete stranger and get someone to try to pull you out or to at least see some sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of what you're going through. And uh Absolutely. I I think you're right back then, back then there wasn't any of that. And no one really talked about it, unfortunately. And and it was probably easier for people to just be like, but screw it. I'm gonna I'm gonna just take my life and and and boom, they're gone.

SPEAKER_07 1:38:37

Yeah. And for me, like for me, that's why I always say, like, if I if I talk to somebody and they're depressed, or if I can tell that they're on that cusp, I look at them every time. And and again, this is where people go, it's not about you, but I'm like, I want you to think about the people that you're going to leave behind, the wreckage and the damage that you're gonna do to those people. I want you to think about that first. And then people are like, well, it's not about you, but it is, and I'm sorry that I don't want to be selfish or or take it away from it being about you being depressed, but you need to understand I was broken for 10 years, just devastated, broken. Like all I wanted was the hole in my chest to stop hurting.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:19

Yeah, I can imagine.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:21

Yeah, and like you're gonna be gone. You're not gonna be here to help us pick up the pieces, you're not gonna be here to see everybody distraught and upset. You're gone. So it is about the wreckage that you leave behind, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:34

Yeah, it's like a it's like a big puzzle, and you're a piece of that puzzle, and when you take that piece and let's say you burn it or you lose it or whatever, that puzzle's not gonna be the same anymore. It's not whole and you're it's missing.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:45

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:46

You're right. It's easier said than done. I yes, I agree. Uh but you have to I I guess when you're in that place, you really do have to give some sort of science to somebody or just blatantly say, Hey, I'm having these thoughts. Help me walk me out of this, get me out of this place that I'm in. I'm I'm reaching out to you and I need I need to talk to somebody. And right.

SPEAKER_07 1:40:07

And that's and if that's one thing that I can get anybody to take away from this is talk to somebody. Go go to that person that might look at you and say, Man, stop it, but talk to somebody. Don't I mean again, this was an explosive decision, but if you're if you're somebody today and you're like thinking about it, go talk to anybody. Pick up a phone, call anybody, and they're gonna tell you that they love you and they don't want you to go anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:34

Yeah, we all have a purpose and a reason to be here, and until until it takes it's our life is taken, not by our own doing. At that point, we've served our purpose on this earth, and it's it's time to go. But when we take our own lives, that's not that's not the way to go out.

SPEAKER_07 1:40:48

No, not by any means. And for me, again, it took me 10 years, and how I ended up recovering finally was I ran into one of my brother's old friends, and we literally sat and talked about him for 12 hours. We just sat and talked, and it was so refreshing to me to have somebody like remember him and all the dumb things we did. And I mean, my brother used to steal cars and they'd go chasing the cops through town, playing cops and robbers, and it I mean, just awful dumb things they should have never been doing, but it was just so nice to hear somebody remember him.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:24

What is your favorite memory of your brother that you will cherish forever? Like something that was a special thing for you. I want I want to have it recorded somewhere on a podcast like this, and that way it lives on in his memory. It was really illegal, but my kind of story.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:39

Yeah, so my brother went across town to pick up I don't know, an ounce of weed or something. And this was like in the 90s, had it been 94 before I even had kids.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:50

And that stuff was expensive back then too.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:52

Right. And uh he wasn't supposed to be driving. My brother lost his license long before he ever even got one, right? So he's not supposed to be driving. All the cops in town know him. And I don't live in a small town, I live in a big town, okay? I live in in a the itty bitty city by the bay. So um we go across town, I'm in the car with him, we're coming back, and I was always the cop watch because my brother had crap vision, but I had 2015, so I could see further than most people, and I'm on cop watch, and I missed the guy on Cordelia. I always missed him because he always hid behind just slightly behind the ivy, and I missed him again. And so lights go on, and we're driving down the road, and he shoves the ounce of pot under my butt and he tells me, cry now. And I had the uncanny ability to just cry on contact. So I start crying, and the cop comes up to the window and says, Carl, you're not supposed to be driving. He goes, My sister was at a party with a bunch of adult men, and my mom made me go get her, and I gotta get her ass home. She's in so much trouble. And I'm just like, I'm sorry, and he's crying. And the cop's like, All right, you get her home, but I don't want to see you out on the street anymore. And I'm like, just crying and bawling over there because I'm half terrified I'm gonna go to jail with an ounce of pot under my butt. And so he let us go and he got me home, but it was it was hilarious. Like, it's just one of my favorite stories to tell of like, you better cry right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:22

Yeah, wow, that's I mean, you saved his ass, clearly. So I'm sure you're gonna be able to do it. But yeah, too, that's too good. I mean, and people like that, they usually they will leave a lasting impression on everyone they came in contact with.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:38

Well, my brother was one of those people that like if he saw you broke down on the side of the freeway, he didn't have to know you. And especially if you were a woman with a child, he would stop and do whatever he could to fix your car or get you to the gas station. Like he would stop and help anybody. He didn't care. He wasn't in it for the money. He didn't care if they had the money to pay him back. He just wanted to get you off the side of the road.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:02

Good the man with a good heart.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:04

Yeah, I had to know how to like change my own spark plugs, I had to know how to change a tire, change my brakes. Before I was even allowed to drive, he made me make sure I could do all those things because he didn't ever want me stuck on the side of the road.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:18

Like he was a good person. And like after he passed away, like it took a good two months for people to just stop calling out of the blue, like, hey, I heard this. Is this true? Like, my brother touched a lot of people. He really did, because he was just a good, kind-hearted person. It was just unfortunate, the again, the lack of oxygen at birth, and then the TBI. If those two things hadn't happened in in concession with each other, I think he would have been able to be like a machinist or any of those things. Because he could work on a car and have nothing to work on it with but fix it somehow with like bailing wire and chewing gum. But unfortunately, those two things just made it to where he would get too frustrated and he couldn't get from point A to point B without the frustration though.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:09

That's too bad. And and I mean, if anything though, that like you said, he did touch a lot of lives, and I'm sure all the people that were in his life still probably think to him about him to this day, all of his friends. Oh, they do. And laugh about the good times and obviously still still hold him near and dear to their hearts. They do.

SPEAKER_07 1:45:27

And again, I can't fault anybody for not wanting to talk about it after they were done grieving it because it was a really hard loss for everybody. But again, this comes back to where I say, like, you always have to think about what you're gonna leave behind. What exactly like if you're on that edge again, please call somebody. Shoot, reach out to me. Peacock mom, I'm on TikTok, reach out to me. If you're on that edge and you just need somebody to hear you, reach out. But like, I want you to please stop and think about the people who love you and the people you're gonna leave behind.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:01

Yeah, but breathe it in, breathe it out, and really just it's kind of like with that old that saying that people say, if before you send an email or you send a text out, write it out, set it aside, set it aside, come back to it tomorrow or the next day after that or whatever. Yep. And then see if you still feel that way. If you still feel that way, then maybe really think about it still, because that's usually at that point you're you're in a uh you might still be in the in the the heat of the moment and angry. But especially a s a situation like this, like where it it it could be self-harm, or maybe you're gonna go try to fight somebody that really made you mad because maybe they cut you off on the freeway or what? I don't know. It's something something crazy like that. Like think about the things that how that's gonna affect everyone. It's kind of like the domino effect. You do one thing and then next thing like all these other things just tumble over and fall up, fall out. What would you say? What would you what would you say to someone that may be in the same situation as you were at that time? How would you walk them through kind of the grieving process and how to handle themselves better so they don't waste 10 years of this pain being built up and this anger within themselves? Like what kind of advice would you give to a person that's that's freshly in a moment like this?

SPEAKER_07 1:47:14

So I say this a lot to people when they lose somebody, especially somebody close to them, a mom, a sibling, a child. The hole in your heart will get smaller. It'll never go away, but it does get smaller. And remember to breathe. Because a lot of times you're holding your breath when you're grieving, and just remember to take those breaths. But for somebody like me who is really lost in the grief, I would say find those friends. Like if you have a situation like mine where nobody wants to talk about it, go out and find those friends of of theirs to talk to. I mean, I I I I am at fault for kind of sticking close to home, husband, mom, sister. I probably should have branched out a little bit further and tried to find people. So, like I said, find those people that want to to remember them and cherish them with you. But again, if you're if you're getting lost in it to the point where you don't care anymore, reach out, reach out to somebody, um, whether that's a therapist or your best friend, somebody who's gonna listen to you talk about it. I've found that writing about writing about it has helped me. And then every once in a while I'll share a tidbit about it on TikTok and how it's affected me. Excuse me, there was somebody else on TikTok who said that they had never lost a child, but they don't understand the grief of losing a child. And I put a little, I I stitched it and gave a little bit of information on that too. But definitely for me, it's like reach out, reach out, reach out, reach out. Don't stop reaching out because you will find that one person who can sit and talk about it for hours and help relieve some of the pain. But again, the hole in your heart will get smaller and remember to breathe.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:55

Sharing your stories like this, at some point it's gonna reach somebody that needs to hear exactly what you just said, that needs to know that they're not alone, that yeah, that are us other people that have faced similar situations and uh that you were able to get through it. It may have been really tough, and it you may have gone through years and years of this anger, but here you are at the end of the day talking about it. You're able to hopefully there's gonna there's gonna be people I guarantee that you've already helped with with you having conversations and you being so readily available to talk to a stranger. That says a lot about you, I think. And yeah, I think that's really nice of you and awesome.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:33

Yeah, I work at a company where I have like a hundred and twenty guys, and I say hi to everybody every morning, and I've had people pull me aside and like, How can you care about all of us? And I'm like, Because you're humans, like you're people and I give a lot of grace to people. You can come in and you can have a bad day with me, and the next day I'm gonna say hello again because you had a bad you had a bad moment, you're not a bad person. Yeah, but just to give you an idea of How deeply lost I was. There was a moment. And again, my brother was cremated and buried. And I had this flip-out moment where our family plot is about, I don't know, two and a half hours away from where I live. And I lost my mind one day. He was too far away from me. And I was gonna go dig him up and bring him home.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:18

My goodness.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:19

I was gonna go dig up his ashes and bring him home. And my sister said, Okay, you're ready for this now. And she went in her room and she grabbed, we all, I guess my cousin had made us all these little boxes of ashes of his, and she gave me mine, and that helped a lot. But like that, I mean, just to tell you like how far gone I was, like I was ready to just go dig him up and bring him home. I mean, ashes, of course, if it was a body problem. But I was, I was, I was really lost and for a long time. But again, I love that mental health isn't so taboo now. And again, everybody needs therapy. It's okay to be in therapy. But it again, like you said, if I had to tell anybody, just reach out, reach out to that stranger that you see walking down the street who doesn't look like they're having a good day. I I mean, I have guys at work that'll walk by me and I'm like, you okay? And they're like, eh, I'm having a hard day. I'm like, you want to talk about it? Just because I don't ever want anybody to feel like they don't have somebody to talk about or talk to.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:19

I love that because you know what? When someone does tell you that they're having a bad day or they they kind of give a hint at it, they do want to talk to somebody. They do. Even they they may be stubborn, they may be stubborn and say, Oh, well, it's I'll get over it or whatever. But it's like, no, you already let out enough information to let me know that you're having a bad day. Let's hear it. I'm gonna I'm gonna get it out of you. And I and and when someone does care enough like what you're saying right now that you want to talk about it, it makes you want to like at least tell that person, like you can confide in them and yeah, and because sometimes people will just like especially nowadays, people's brains are so it's included to myself. I'll I'll raise my hand, but people will say something and you you say yeah and you acknowledge it, but you're are you really listening? Are you really there like with in that conversation? Especially if you're multitasking at work and not paying attention to things like verbal cues or cues that you see of a person, like where they don't look the same or they're not bringing the same energy they normally have.

SPEAKER_07 1:52:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:14

When you are a person that actually cares about people and you actually um are you actually watching, you can tell when someone's coming in and the the vibe is off.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:24

They're their energy that they're bringing. And as simple as someone saying just good morning or have a great day or offering like to for you to vent or or talk about it, like that can really change that person's tone for the rest of the day or yeah, they all know that there's nothing off limits.

SPEAKER_07 1:52:41

If you need to talk to me, come to my desk and talk to me. They know that. They don't they know that like it you can sit here and talk to me for half an hour if you need to. I've got nothing better to do. And the other thing in my family that is is really scary is that it started to become generational. So my uncle had committed suicide, and then my brother committed suicide. And I have a son who's got a lot of depressious depression issues who he's 26 and he still lives here with me, but he he does what he can. And everybody's like, Why are you so easy on him? Why aren't you forcing him out? You should kick him out, make him get a job. And I'm like, I would like my son to stay alive. Yeah, and maybe I'm a little too lenient with him, but for me, I I can't have it be my son too.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:25

No, yeah, for sure. And and it's no one's business how you handle what you you know your son better than anyone else does, right? Right. That's you you've raised him, he's part of you, and uh it's none of their business for them to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Like, screw that. And it's that's it's it's scary. You've been through something very traumatic where you're now on the alert, and that's good. It's good for you to be alert because if you just kind of said whatever, who knows? He might God forbid, but you just and then you'll have that thought of why didn't I? Or why didn't I look for that? Why was I not alert?

SPEAKER_07 1:53:56

And And I had I had ten years of that. I've had enough of that, and I don't want it to be my kid too.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:01

Like you don't need that.

SPEAKER_07 1:54:03

It's it's too scary for me to even I I can't even think about it without it being terrifying for me, but that's why he's still here and still welcome under my roof. But my older son, he knows like if if everything goes wrong, you can always come home. Like home is a place for you. But for him, it's just it it became too close to generational, and I'm like, I can't I can't have it be my kid to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:24

That's that's a that's a very, very scary thought. And as parents, we should I'm not a p I'm not a parent, but as parents you shouldn't never have to bury your kids. That's it. No, no, you should not.

SPEAKER_07 1:54:34

And uh kudos to you for getting clean.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_07 1:54:37

Yeah, I I definitely I've been clean for 30 years.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:42

Oh wow. That's yeah, that's I hope to be there someday, but um that's yeah, that's a that's a huge milestone. Like, yeah, you'll get there.

SPEAKER_07 1:54:49

You'll get there.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:50

That's the that's the plan. Uh drugs and alcohol definitely don't help when you have issues of depression and anger issues and anything else like that. It never helped my situation whatsoever. And um just just being sober itself like has made me appreciate everything. Like these conversations that I have with people, everything I have in my life. And I'm not talking like like materialistic crap or money or any of that kind of kind of stuff, because that that stuff at the end of the day does not matter. When I was deep into drinking and deep into using drugs and that, like I I I was so I was very superficial and I didn't appreciate the people that I have around me and and all that I've been blessed with.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:30

Not materialistic wise, but like the friendships that I had and family members and health and and all that. What would you say that whenever you're whenever you are missing your brother or you're thinking about him, what what are some ways that you honor him that uh are special to you? Like do you listen to certain music or do you watch a certain movie or go to a certain place? Or how do you when you're missing your brother, where do you go?

SPEAKER_07 1:55:52

Or how do you how do you uh So my brother when he passed away, the car that I was talking about, it was a 79 Firebird 10th anniversary, limited edition with a 403 in it. So I've been rebuilding that for a very long time. My sons have actually taken over the financial responsibility of rebuilding what still needs to be rebuilt. So we work on that. I'll go up to the site sometimes where it happened and just sit there for a little bit and yell at him. I mean, really just because sometimes I'm just mad at him, but yeah. But from for me, it's just I talk about him now. That friend that I was telling you about that I reconnected with, we're together now, so I can talk about him.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:34

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:35

So whenever I'm missing him, I just I go talk to Kevin about him. We sit and we talk and we talk about racing cars and playing cops and robbers and doing things we shouldn't have been doing.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:47

Love it.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:47

Well, the thing is is that way back in the day, the town that I live in, there's an area that's now houses, but way back in the day that was all dirt fields for like four miles of dirt fields up there. So he would go steal a car and they'd run through town and they'd take it up in the fields and dump it and run from the cops, and they got away 90% of the time. You know, so telling stories like that to the kids and things like it's just all fun now. And the memories are good memories. It doesn't mean I don't still miss him. And one thing, I mean, I'm not a religious person by any means. I I say that I'm kind of granola, so I take a everything that I like from the religions and I just leave the rest, right? If I don't agree with it, I don't have to love it, right? That makes sense to me. And so one of the things that I do is I pray to my brother because God is a busy man, he's got a lot of people who need a lot of things from him.

SPEAKER_06 1:57:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:37

My brother's got time to sit and listen. So if I need something, I pray to him because he's probably got a little bit more time to be like, yeah, maybe we make that play and get to the other end. And I know some religious people are like, Oh, never put anybody before God, but I'm like, I'm not putting anybody before God. I'm just saying he's got time to listen.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:55

Yeah. And and it in a way, it's like you're you're asking him to look over you, look over your family as a do you ever feel his presence or get like like certain like I know that sometimes like I have dreams of my dad and it feels so real, but he's like trying to give me a message and I think on it the next day forever, and then finally something clicks and it's like, oh, that's what he was trying to get to me. Do you ever feel his his presence and signs?

SPEAKER_07 1:58:17

When I was really, really depressed, he used to come to me all the time in my dreams, all the time. And there were times where like he would I can tell so there was one dream in particular where he was like, Hey, I need to show you something, and I'm like, Okay. And he's like, I need to show you where my son is buried. And I'm like, Norik's fine. I don't know what you're talking about. No, no, it's fine. And he's like, No, my my son. And then I realized he was talking about his girlfriend at the time. I was like, I don't want to see that. And I woke up and we did find out that she did have a miscarriage. So there was that. And then my brother, I swear, loves to hide things from me. So there was this there, there's been several times that this has happened, but there was one time in particular where I was going to my sis my godsisters graduation two hours away, and I had my cell phone next to me. I'd left work and I was driving. My cell phone was next to me. This was like the beginning of cell phones, and I'm like driving and I reach over to grab my phone because I needed to call somebody and say, hey, I'm running a little bit late, but it's I can't find it. So I pull over, search, dump my purse, search the whole front seat of my car, can't find it. So I get back on the road, I stop at a gas station to make the phone call from a payphone. That's how long ago it was. And then I go get back in my car and my phone is sitting on top of everything dumped out of my purse. You cannot tell me he's not hiding things from me.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:42

Yeah. Who doesn't like to troll their their siblings?

SPEAKER_07 1:59:45

And that wouldn't like he would always do stupid little things like that. So yeah, I definitely believe that he he lets me know when he's around me, and and that's fine with me. I'd rather know that he's here and watching over me than feel like he's not here at all.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:00

I love that. I that's because all we can do is keep keep a positive uh positive attitude about it and and try to find the the light at the end of the tunnel. I listen to a lot of um podcasts that are about near near death experiences and and what have you, and it gives me hope that that this is not the end. Yeah. That just what what I've listened from listening to those near death uh those near death experiences on this podcast, a lot of them are so similar as far as like what people see, what they experience out there, and a lot of them they all say that there is their their family members from their past lives and from other past lives that they lived and whatnot that communicated to them and were able to like say that they were still watching over them and they were there in their presence at all times and all that. And that's to me, that's comforting. I've lost not just my dad, I lost my grandma who was like a mother to me. She basically raised my brother and I. And I periodically dream her, but when I do dream her, there's always, always a reason for it. There's there's some sort of sign or something that I look into, and eventually it like clicks and it's like, oh, that's why I dreamt her. Because I don't dream her that often. It's only when something crazy is is happening in my life, or she just needs to basically reach out and just be like, Kate, pull your head out your ass and get it together.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:16

Yeah. I had another, well, he wasn't my brother. He was a friend that we had all grown. We all of us kids grew up together, so I called him a brother, and he had a really bad heroin problem. And he also always got in trouble with the law. So I I always found comfort when I would get jail mail is what I would call it because I knew he was safe. Right? Well, last year he finally OD'd and died, and it was awful because I was like, man, like now I don't have any brothers. But I was I have been dreaming about him again, and I was like, Oh shit, he's trying to talk to me. So now like I'm paying attention, like what's going on? Like, but it it drives it makes me so sad because I wish he he became institutionalized. He'd been in and out of jail 90% of his adult life. And when he wasn't in, he was using. And I think the fentanyl finally got him. But I always I always say that, and I I I had heard parents say that before. Like, I I always sleep better when I know he's in jail, and I always always think, what an ass nine thing to say. But then like I I I I finally figured out I do sleep better when I know he's in jail. Like when I'm getting jail mail, I know where he's at, I know he can't get high, I know he's not gonna get caught by anything. And then unfortunately, it finally got him. So sorry.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:37

That's that's yeah, drugs are drugs are a horrible thing. They're really yeah. And I wish I wish more people would wake up to it. And I think they kind of are, luckily, like as bad as it does seem like it is out there, I think the younger generation is really learning from us folks that we're the party animal generation, and they're not using as much as what they're supposedly what I'm seeing. Like they're not drinking or using drugs as as much as we did.

SPEAKER_07 2:02:59

I hope so. I really do hope so. Um, because what's happening out there is crazy. What bothers me, and this there's a whole other topic I could go off on, but don't punish my pain. I have two autoimmune disorders and then two, so I have fibromyalgia and myofascial muscle disease. So not only are my nerves on fire all the time, but my muscles are too. So I take Percocet three times a day, but I can't have that and mental health medication because I do have multiple personality disorder, but I can't have my mental health medication and my pain medicine, but I don't want to be in pain, so I choose my pain medicine because I might stick a needle in my arm. But I've been on the same dose of pain medicine for 20 years.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:42

Yeah, that's the that's the thing that sucks, is like like you get put on medication and then then you find out that you have something else and you have to get some get a different medication, but it's like, but I'm already taking this, which is not supposed to go with this, and then it's right. So what they're doing.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:58

Well, what they're doing is they're saying, like, I couldn't have my pain medication and have an anxiety medication at the same time because you might stop breathing. And I'm like, but I've been on the same meds for years, and I was on both of those meds for 10 years until the FDA said you can't have both of those at the same time. And I was like, but I've never done anything wrong to be not trustworthy here. And they're like, sorry, nothing we can do about it.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:24

I wonder if they found that it was like long-term was was more dangerous or no.

SPEAKER_07 2:04:29

What it is is it all goes back to the people, unfortunately, who are instantly addicted to things and end up sticking a needle in their arms and the whole opiate crisis, which isn't really the opiate's fault. It's just some people have that highly addictive personality and they end up doing what they do. And therefore it goes it backrolls, right? And they're like, okay, well, if we give these two medications at a time at the same time, it's a higher likelihood of somebody becoming addicted to street drugs or moving to street drugs, which is unfortunate. But and I mean, and then there are the cases of people taking too much of the two things together and stopping breathing, but you actively have to take more than you're supposed to be taking.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:11

Yeah, I uh I I don't recommend this for anybody out there to each their own. I always tell people like, do what works for you. I just I can't take medication because I have such an addictive personality that I will overdo it. So I I was prescribed anxiety medication two or three years ago. Um, and I I found that it was a lot it had a lot to do with my drinking and the drugs I was doing. I I I had anxiety, I always had it growing up, but it got even worse when I started like waning down from drinking and completely got sober.

SPEAKER_07 2:05:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:43

It just went through the roof, and at one point I had to go to the hospital to get my heart checked. I thought I seriously thought I was gonna have a heart attack. It was even hard to go to the hospital.

SPEAKER_07 2:05:51

That's common among men.

unknown 2:05:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:52

And they they plug me into all those machines, and like your heart is fine, but it's probably like you like I can tell like there's something going on here. It's probably like a panic attack that you're having and anxiety. So they prescribe me a low dosage of I don't even know what the medication is, but I have it in my drawer and I've taken it maybe two or three times total of all of the three years that I've had it. Good. Mostly just because I don't want to get um immune to it, I don't want to get addicted to it, and uh I just I don't trust myself.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:19

I don't even like taking I I'd be like, what's good is that you know that.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:25

And that's what's good because you hold yourself accountable.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:28

Yeah, that's why I say like don't take my advice. I don't I'm not a doctor, don't claim to be one, and use your own what works for you works for you. What works for me may not work for you, probably won't work for you because I'm pretty crazy myself, and like I always tell people, I'm like, don't do what I do, like at all. But I just I I worry about what the end result's gonna be for me if I if I do that. So I don't even I mean, I stopped doing uh taking drinking soda, I stopped drinking Red Bulls.

SPEAKER_06 2:06:54

That'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:55

I drink coffee, but I I stopped with the energy drinks completely. I've been over a year and a half now clean from energy drinks and drinking sodas. So I've been slowly trying to make adjustments over time, aside from cutting out drugs and alcohol, eating cleaner, uh being careful about what I put into my body, so I read the labels now and and all that, just because I'm like, if I'm gonna if I'm gonna try to live as long as I possibly can, I don't want to be hurting down the road and have to be on these machines and diabetic or dialysis or any of that kind of stuff. I just don't I've seen too many close family members go down that road, and I'm like, if I can avoid it for as long as I can avoid it, I'm gonna try.

SPEAKER_07 2:07:35

Yeah, yeah. Just do your best to stay as low as you can and make sure that your every day is made worth it, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:07:42

We're getting close to the hour here. Ginger, I wanna thank you so much for sharing your story with us, and I think that it will reach people that need to hear it. That's the goal, of course. Is there anything else that you'd like to share or anything that you want to plug that people can find you on social media or well you can find me on TikTok under Peacock Mom.

SPEAKER_07 2:08:02

And again, if you're having a rough time, message me. Reach out. I'm always here to listen to somebody who needs the help. I I I'll see somebody on TikTok who's having a bad day, and I'll be like, hey, I'm here for you. If you need to talk, reach out to me. Rarely do they do it, but I always say that. I just want people to know that there's always somebody out there who's willing to listen and give you their time if you if you need it.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:25

I love that. You sound like a very sweet person and easy person to talk to. So definitely, folks out there, reach out to her, even just friend her. You might love the content that she shares and you might need her someday. So why not give her a follow and check out her content? Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Jinger.

SPEAKER_07 2:08:41

Thank you, Cody. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:42

All right, everyone, you have a great rest of your day. And that is the end of segment two. Thank you guys so much for tuning in this week to the podcast. Thank you so much, Ginger, for sharing your story. Great conversation, as I mentioned. We are very thankful for all of you guys that listen. I want to give you a heads up. I don't know what next week's podcast is going to look like. I do have a guest for you guys, so there will be an episode, but you and I obviously will not be able to do that because I'll be out on the road. So I may just upload the episode that I had the conversation with my guest that for next week's show, or I may do something from the road. We'll see. It depends on if I'm feeling. I'm just worried that someone's gonna say something jacked up that I mean I guess I can always edit it, but we're not very PC friendly. I think and I think people know that. If you've if you've been following me, that I don't we're not filtered, we have a sick sense of humor, and I think we're funny, whatever. So we'll we'll see what happens next week. So I just want to give you guys a four forewarning of that. I want to give a shout out to our financial contributors and subscribers, King John and Eric Sheets to all of you out there, quit slacking, subscribe, help us out because this podcast does cost us money. A dollar, two dollars, three dollars, five dollars, ten dollars a month, whatever you want to pay. We highly encourage you to do that. I know I've been saying that every week, and I will continue to say that. Please help us out. This costs us money, it costs us time, and it's for a good cause. These these you get to come hang out with us, get to hang out with us for a couple hours. So, shout out to those guys, shout out to all you that contribute to the uh question of the week. All of you listeners out there, we thank you guys. We love you guys.

SPEAKER_04 2:10:13

Please continue to do so.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:15

Look at the boys, the boys say hello and goodbye. And I want to thank you guys all and wish you guys all a great week. I hope that I get to meet some of you out there on the road that we're gonna be traveling through, possibly in your area. Come out and see us. I promise you that we're worth it. We are a fun band to see live. You'll get to meet us too because we're gonna be hanging out with people there. We plan on hanging out with everybody that wants to take pictures, talk to us, whatever. We're gonna be out there. So have a great rest of your week. Share the podcast with others and do wonderful things.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:42

Love yourself.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:43

Love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:44

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