Episode 11: Faith That Carried Me

I wanted God to heal my body.

I never expected Him to begin healing my heart first.

After my accident, I believed in God—but I was angry, full of questions, and only wanted Him to answer my prayers. I wasn't interested in surrendering my life to Him.

Everything began to change during my senior year of high school and continued through my freshman year of college as I discovered a hope, peace, and purpose I had never experienced before.

In this episode of Resilience with Tasha Schuh, I share the deeply personal journey of how my faith became the foundation that carried me through some of life's biggest uncertainties.

In this episode:

• Coming to realize that God was real
• Finding genuine friendship and community through college
• Discovering hope through reading the Bible
• A remarkable answer to prayer that strengthened my faith

This is a part of my story I simply couldn't leave out. I hope it encourages you as you continue following my journey.

Next time on Resilience with Tasha Schuh:

Learning to drive again felt impossible after my accident—but it became one of the greatest gifts of freedom I could have imagined. Join me as I share how that journey began and how God continued revealing the purpose He had for my life.

Learn more about my resilience coaching and speaking at: https://TashaSchuh.com

I would also love to hear from you. If there are topics you’d like me to cover or guests you’d love to hear from, please reach out and share your ideas with me at: Tasha@TashaSchuh.com

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe to the podcast and share it with someone who could use hope and resilience today.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hello, and welcome back to Resilience with Tasha Shu. I'm your host, Tasha Shu, and I am so grateful that you are here. Over the past 10 episodes, I've shared my journey from the day of my accident through my time in the hospital, rehabilitation, graduating from high school, and beginning college. And each episode has been another chapter in the story of how my life was forever changed and how I slowly began putting the pieces back together. Now, today we're turning a page to a part of my story that I simply cannot leave out. This episode is about my faith journey. And before we begin, I just want to say something that's been on my heart as I've prepared for this episode. I honestly have wrestled with how to share this part of my story. Many of you know that I spend much of my time speaking in public schools, businesses, and organizations where I don't talk openly about my faith, but rather I share on resilience, mental health, suicide prevention, and what I've learned in my journey. And I've wondered how this part of my story would fit into this podcast. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn't leave it out. I wouldn't want to leave it out. Because this podcast is about telling my story. Honestly, that's been my goal and my reason for doing this podcast. And the truth is, is I wouldn't be who I am today without God and without my faith. He completely transformed my life. He brought hope where I couldn't find it on my own, peace when life felt completely out of control, and purpose when I wondered if my life still had meaning. And that doesn't mean that my journey was easy or that I suddenly had all the answers. In fact, as I shared in earlier episodes, after my accident, I was angry with God. I had questions. I wrestled with my faith for a long time. But what I'm sharing today is the story of how Jesus patiently met me and that wrestling and changed my life. I'm not sharing this to argue with anyone or to pressure anyone into believing what I believe. I'm sharing it because it's my story. And if I skipped over this chapter, I wouldn't be telling you the whole story. So if this is something you're not interested in in listening to, that is completely your choice. And I hope you'll join me again for the next episode as I continue sharing about learning how to drive, graduating from college, earning my next degree, and the adventures that came after. But if you're willing to come along with me for this part of my journey, I would be honored to share it with you. Now there's one more thing that I'd like to mention before we jump in. You might be wondering, why am I sharing this part of my story now? To really tell this story, I actually do need to go back to my senior year of high school. Now I alluded to parts of this early, earlier in the episodes, because I grew up in church. And after my accident, I was pretty mad at God. I questioned a lot, I struggled, and for a long time I wasn't sure what I believed anymore or if I even believed anything anymore. But while those seeds were being planted during my senior year, my faith really became a much bigger part of my life, my second semester of college. And that's why I decided that this was the right place to share this chapter, because it fits right where I was in my journey, even though the story itself reaches back a little further. So if you'll allow me, let's rewind just a bit back to my senior year of high school. Now, before my accident, I believed in God. I grew up going to church. I knew some Bible stories, I knew that Jesus had died on the cross. But if I'm being completely honest, I really didn't understand what any of that had to do with me. How does that apply to my life? Why does that matter? And there were students in my school, especially in my high school, who were very outspoken about their faith. They loved Jesus, talked about him openly, and genuinely tried to live differently. And honestly, I feel bad saying this, but I felt bad for them. I thought they had all these rules that they had to follow, all these do's, all these don'ts. And I was convinced that they were missing out on all the fun, and I was having the true fun. I was partying, I was making choices in my relationships that I knew weren't healthy, was living pretty wild for a teenager. And if someone had told me then that following Jesus meant surrendering my life to him, I would have thought, mm, nothing's. I do not want anyone telling me how to live my life. But then my accident happened. And after the accident, Nancy and Deanny, they were two Christians from Ellsworth. They faithfully drove to Rochester to visit me. They prayed with me. They prayed for healing, and they believed that God could do miracles. And honestly, I wanted that miracle. I wanted God to answer their prayers. I wanted him to heal me. I wanted him to give me my old life back. I wanted to go back to the exact same way that I was living. But I really didn't want him to have the rest of my life. Looking back now, that's exactly where my heart was. I wanted God to answer my prayers, but I did not want him meddling in the rest of my life. As I shared in the last episode after my bladder surgery, I began dealing with more medical complications. I started having issues with my stomach, my intestines that were frustrating, painful, and to be honest, pretty embarrassing. And it felt like every time one problem ended, another one began. And Nancy and Deanny kept praying for me. And I kept wondering why nothing seemed to be changing. Now at the same time, I was making some really poor choices. I was drinking, I'd come home drunk after parties, I'd say things I regret, I'd make decisions that embarrass me the next morning. And deep down, I still believed that if I could just walk again, everything would be okay. If I could just get my old life back, that everything would make sense. But little by little I was beginning to realize that trying to live on my life, to live my life on my own, wasn't working either. Then in April of my senior year, Nancy and Deanny invited me to a play at their church. I had absolutely no interest in going. I came up with every excuse I could think of. But my mom looked at me and basically said, Tasha, they have done so much for you. They visited you in the hospital, they've cared about you. The least you can do is go. And then she gave me that look that I knew was not worth arguing with. So I went very reluctantly. And I remember thinking this was going to be one of the most boring evenings imaginable. But from the moment the play started, I was captivated. I was completely drawn into the story unfolding in front of me. And for the first time in my life, I wasn't just hearing about Jesus. I have never seen it so visually and so clearly as I was seeing it that night. Now I grew up in a small Lutheran church and I knew Jesus had died on the cross, but I didn't really understand why. I didn't understand what his death meant for me personally. And I didn't understand why I needed him. But that night, for the very first time, I realized that I was a sinner in need of a savior. And at the end of the play, they invited anyone who wanted to give their life to Christ to come up to the front. And my first thought was, absolutely not. I mean, there was no way I was going up front in front of all of those people. And some people there were from my high school. So I was not going to embarrass myself in that way. And then, almost out of nowhere, Nancy's daughter walked over to me and quietly asked, Tasha, do you want to go up front? My head immediately said no. But something much deeper inside of me said yes. I simply nodded. And as I drove my wheelchair to the front of the church, I remember thinking, What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I don't even know what's happening. But the moment I reached the front, something changed. And the only way I know how to describe it is that this incredible peace began washing over me. And for years I had carried this emptiness inside. There was this hole in my heart from the abuse I experienced as a child. Something I'll share more about in a future episode. But I had these deep wounds from these neighborhood boys, from the man who stalked me, and from believing that if I could just find love from a boyfriend, if I could just be popular enough, party enough, or somehow prove my worth, I'd finally feel whole. But sitting there that night, it was almost as though God was performing surgery on my heart. The emptiness I had carried for so long began to be replaced with this peace that I had never experienced before. I couldn't explain it, I didn't understand it, and all I wanted to do was cry. And the tears started falling, and it felt like they were washing over me, and my heart felt so different. It's hard to put into words. And the guy up front kept talking, and I don't remember what he was saying because I was having my own personal moment with God. And I just knew that He was real. Now, when everything was over, I rolled out of the church that night, and I remember thinking to myself, did I just become a Christian? What just happened? I wasn't really sure, but I will tell you, I prayed one of the most honest prayers I've ever prayed. I was like, God, help me. Help me with my life. My life is such a mess. I'm empty, I'm broken, I feel alone. I don't think anyone really understands what I'm going through. And if you can do something with my life, please do it. And here's what might surprise you. Nothing dramatic happened after that. I didn't suddenly become a different person. I didn't suddenly have all the answers. And in many ways, I went right back to living my normal life. Now I knew something had happened. I knew that God was real, but I didn't really understand what that meant yet. And as I graduated from high school and headed off to college, I had no idea that God wasn't finished with me. In many ways, he was just getting started. Now I want to fast forward to February of my freshman year of college, which is where we left off in the last episode. And as I mentioned, I have been drinking a lot. I was partying a lot. And at first, I thought that was where the fun was. That was what my friends did. That was what I thought college was supposed to look like. That's what my brother did in college. And it was kind of what was expected in the small town I grew up in and was really expected growing up in the Midwest. That was just kind of a normal expectation. But little by little, it was becoming less and less fun. And actually more and more exhausting. I was getting tired of keeping up the facade that this is what I love to do. The truth was, I was starting to see how much it was taking from me. But because so many of my friends partied, I was afraid that if I stopped drinking, I would lose them. I was afraid I would lose my social life. I was afraid I would be left out. And right in the middle of all of that, Nancy, the same woman from Ellsworth who invited me to the church play, invited me to come here a guest speaker at a local church at a local church that was going to be happening in Ellsworth that weekend. And again, I did not want to go. It was my weekend to stay in Winona with my friends. I had caregivers lined up who could take care of me, which was not always an easy thing to do. And I was so looking forward to being there, as it took quite a bit to pack me up and go home for the weekend. And I had just been home the previous weekend. But Nancy was adamant that I come home. So after thinking about it, trying to figure it all out, I told her, I'm gonna come home Friday night, go to the service, and then I'll drive back to Winnowana Saturday morning so I could still have the rest of the weekend with my friends. And my parents came with me, and my sister came with me too to this church. And I was very skeptical. I mean, I was bummed I was missing part of my weekend. So I was reluctant. And honestly, again, I was not expecting much. But as he began speaking, I was captivated by this preacher's words. It's hard to explain and hard to put into words, and my mind is fuzzy, also because it was many years ago. Although I do share more about this in my book, in my first book. So if you want to learn more, you can check that out. But everything I had been struggling with, I mean, it felt like he was speaking directly to it. It was almost like he had been reading my mail, like God was telling him everything about me, things he could not know on his own. Like he knew exactly what was going on in my heart. And he also preached about miracles. And when he looked at me, he said that God wanted to heal me. Now, of course, that was something I desperately wanted. I wanted healing. I wanted God to move. I wanted my life to change. And because of what was happening in my heart, I did not go back to Winona the next morning. I stayed for all three sessions that week. Friday night, Saturday night, and even Sunday morning. Because I really saw God move in amazing ways. And again, I don't know how to fully put it into words, but it was as if God was talking directly to me through this man. And I knew that I needed to make some big changes in my life. Not because God was handing me a huge list of rules, not because it was suddenly about do's and don'ts, but because I was beginning to see that so many things in my life that I thought were giving me freedom were actually stealing from me. They were stealing my peace. They were stealing my joy. They were stealing my health. They were stealing my confidence. And they were stealing the person that God was calling me to become. And I began to realize that God wanted my life. Not just part of it, not just my prayers when I needed something, which was pretty much what I had been doing up to that point. Not just my request for healing. He wanted all of me. And I was still reluctant. I still didn't know what this was going to mean. But I also knew I could not ignore what God was doing in my heart. I felt peace. I felt joy. I felt the presence of God in a way that I could not deny. And I knew he was calling me closer to him. Now, when I came back to Winona after that weekend, I'm pretty sure Brooke thought I had completely lost my mind. But I knew something had changed. I knew I needed to make some changes. And one of those changes was to stop drinking. Again, I was afraid. I thought I was going to lose all my fun. I thought I was going to be bored. I honestly thought I was going to lose all of my friends. But shortly after this, my friend Trevor, um, he'd actually graduated from Ellsworth. We had gone to school since we were in preschool together. I had known him my whole life. And he was also going to Winona State. And he mentioned that he had been going to a group on campus called Inniversity. It was a Christian organization for college students. And one day I just asked him, I was like, Trevor, do you think I could go with you sometime? And he was like, of course, yes, you'd love it. I knew I needed to get involved somewhere. I knew I needed to meet some new people. And for the first time I went, I instantly loved it. I felt welcomed. I met so many amazing people, people who loved me for who I was, people who weren't intimidated by my disability, people who didn't make me feel like I had to prove myself or perform or be someone that I wasn't. They just welcomed me. And a couple months later, after I had quit drinking, I remember sitting in my dorm room on a Saturday night. I was sober. I was by myself. I wasn't partying. I was sitting at my computer, and I remember this thought coming into my heart. It wasn't an audible voice, but I knew that it was from God. It was almost like He said, How much fun have you missed out on by not drinking? And I sat there, I thought about it, I realized I wasn't hung over, I wasn't embarrassed, I wasn't caught up in drama, I wasn't fighting with anyone, I wasn't regretting what I had said or done the night before, but I was healthy, I was happy, I was had peace. And I realized that I wasn't missing out on fun at all. In fact, this was the most fun I had had really ever in my life. And it was amazing. It was just amazing to see how God was moving in my life in ways before that I had never experienced. He was helping me with my homework. He was working in my family. He was bringing new people into my life. He was giving me joy that I didn't have to manufacture. He was giving me peace that I could not explain. And I was seeing him tangibly move in my life, and I could not deny that he was real. Now, one of the biggest changes that began happening during this season was that I actually started reading my Bible. Now, I had tried before. I had tried before, about a month before my accident, and there were really some strange things that were happening in our house after watching some dark movies, and someday I'll share that whole story because it's pretty crazy. But someone had told me, Tasha, you should start reading your Bible. So I tried. And honestly, I thought it was incredibly boring. It felt dry. I didn't understand it. I didn't know how it applied to my life. To me, it was just words on a page from thousands of years ago. But after I gave my life to Christ, everything changed. When I opened my Bible, it was as if the words were jumping off the pages. I couldn't get enough. I had so many questions about my future, so many fears, so many hurts, so many needs. And it seemed like every time I opened my Bible, God met me exactly where I was. When I was afraid, I found promises that he would be with me. When I wondered how I was ever gonna make it through everything ahead of me, I found promises that he would strengthen me. When I worried about my future, oh my goodness, I found promises that he already had a plan. And when I felt completely alone, I found reminders, I found his promises, actually reminder after reminder that he would never leave me. And it was as though God was speaking directly to me into every fear and every need that I carried. And I started writing those verses on poster boards and hanging them all over my dorm room because I needed those reminders every single day. One verse, especially, really became an anchor for me. It was Jeremiah 29, 11, and it says this for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. These, oh these were the exact words that I needed. After my accident, I honestly didn't believe I had much of a Future anymore. I thought all of my dreams had ended. I wondered if my life would ever matter again. But every time I read that verse, I was reminded that my future wasn't over just because it looked different than I had planned. God still had a plan. He wasn't finished with me. And he was asking me to trust him. So I read that verse over and over and over again. And some days I believed it more than others, but every time I read it, my hope grew just a little bit stronger. And looking back now, I can see that God wasn't only changing my circumstances, he was changing the way I thought. He was replacing fear with hope. One promise at a time. Now, as I continued to grow in my faith, God also began bringing some incredible people into my life. And one of those people was a guy named Ryan. Now I remember seeing him right away, right when I started going to university. I hadn't met him, but I would see him regularly. And I remember thinking to myself, wow, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. I'd really like to get to know him. Well, before long, Ryan and I had connected and we started spending time together and becoming friends. And at the same time, I wanted to keep growing in my faith. And one of the things that University was always talking about was Bible studies that were happening all over campus. And I loved the idea, but I remember thinking, wouldn't it be awesome if there could be a Bible study right in my apartment? I mean, not only would I not have to go outside in the freezing Minnesota winters, but my dorm room was really big. I mean, it was really large. It could fit a lot of people. So one day, very interesting enough, Ryan shared that he and another student had been asked to lead a small group Bible study the following year. But the only problem was they didn't have a place to meet. I immediately I'm like, this is perfect. We'll have it in my apartment. And they completely agreed. It was now a plan, and I was so excited. It just seemed like everything seemed to be falling into place. And so as I finished up my freshman year, I could not wait what sophomore year would bring. Brooke, we had decided that actually we were not going to room together the following year. She was going to continue being a caregiver of mine, and she was one of my closest, dearest friends. But she had met some people that year that she had decided that she was going to live with. It was no hard feelings. And uh I was actually excited because I actually was batched with a different roommate from California, and I was excited about everything that was lying ahead. I thought, man, great things are ahead of me, and I'm so excited. But right near the end of the school year, my freshman year, one of my caregivers noticed a small pressure sore on my right ischium, which is basically right on my sitting bone. And it was the first skin wound I had had. The doctors were, oh my goodness, when I was in the hospital, they were constantly warning me about this. They're serious, be careful. You have to be very careful with your skin. And they were serious, you can die from them. So I immediately started spending time in bed hoping that it would heal quickly. But as my freshman year ended, I packed up all my things out of my dorm room and moved home for the summer. And when I got home, I ended up spending almost the entire summer in bed. I'd get up for a couple hours each day to enjoy the sunshine, had to warm up. But then I was right back to bed to keep the pressure off of the wound. And it was incredibly frustrating. But I kept telling myself, I just have to get this healed so that I can go back to Winona in the fall. Unfortunately, it wasn't getting better. As summer came to an end, I became more and more concerned. So I went back to Rochester to see Dr. Christofferson. And after examining me, they discovered that the wound wasn't simply from sitting too long. It was because I had developed scoliosis. And scoliosis, if you're not familiar with it, it's a curvature of the spine. Before my accident, I didn't have scoliosis. But because I was so tall, I was now six foot three and a half. I was very thin. I had no trunk muscles to help support my body. So my spine had gradually curved over time. And so my doctors and therapists would always joke that I was kind of like this long wet noodle. They could not get me to sit straight. Now, because I was leaning so much to my left side, I always have, I was putting extra pressure on that one spot on my right side every single day. It was kind of like opposite. I was leaning this way, but it was putting pressure on the right side. And that's what had caused the wound. Now, Dr. Christofferson, he ordered X-rays to see how severe the curve had become. Now, a few weeks before I was supposed to head back to school for my sophomore year, I got the results. And they weren't good. I had a 45-degree curve in my spine. That's like an S. And then came the news I never expected. Dr. Christofferson told me I wouldn't be returning to Winona that fall. Instead, he believed that I needed a spinal fusion from the top of my neck all the way down to my pelvic bone. I was devastated. I mean, not only would I miss my entire sophomore year of college, but I was hearing stories from other people who had gone through this surgery, how painful it was, how long the recovery was. I mean, some people told me that I would likely spend six months in bed recovering. Now, everything I had been looking forward to, my roommate, the Bible study, my friends, going back to school, I mean, it all seemed to disappear in one appointment. And I remember crying out to God, being like, God, what are you doing? I mean, I finally gave my life to you. Why is this happening? And around that time, I had started attending the church where I had first given my life to Christ. And one day I asked the associate pastor if he would pray for me, explaining the situation that I was facing. I shared all of the details with him, and then he prayed for me right there on the spot. And as he finished praying, Deanny, Nancy and Deanie, Dean was standing by and asked me to share what was going on and what was happening. And as I did, she just got this smile on her face and she was like, I have this gel at home. She's like, I want you, I'm gonna give it to you. I want you to put it on the wound directly. Now, to be honest, I didn't really think much of it. But I went home, I applied the gel and continued praying. Three days later, the wound was completely healed. I couldn't believe it. I truly believe God had performed a miracle. And so the following week, I went back to Rochester because they were getting ready to schedule my surgery. And I remember showing Neil first. When I told him that it was healed, he looked at me. He was like, Yeah, okay. But then he actually looked. He did a double, triple take. His eyes got so huge. He looked back at me and he said, You weren't kidding. I said, I know it's healed. Did you think I was lying to you? Well, then Dr. Christofferson came in. And I remember asking him, Does this mean I still have to have surgery? Can I go back to school? He looked at the wound and he said, Well, if it's healed, then no. We don't have to do the surgery. We'll monitor your scoliosis and repeat the x-rays in a few months, but you can go back to school. I can't even begin to describe the relief that I felt. Looking back, this is one of the first times in my life that I saw God move in such a tangible way. It didn't mean every problem disappeared. It didn't mean suddenly that my life became easy, but it taught me something I desperately needed to learn. I could trust him. Even when I didn't understand what he was doing, even when the future looked completely different than I had planned, he was still with me. And he was teaching me one figuratively, one step at a time, that he could be trusted. And so as I started my sophomore year at Winona State, it felt like so many pieces of my life were finally beginning to come together. My new roommate, oh my goodness, we had so much in common. We became such great friends. Ryan and I, we continued building our friendship. The Bible study in my apartment became a reality. It was full. We had 20 people coming every week, just as I had hoped. I also joined the worship team through Inniversity. And for the first time in my life, I wasn't just learning about God. I was learning what it meant to actually walk with him every day. I was reading the Bible for myself. I was learning about the miracles that Jesus performed. I was discovering that God hadn't changed. The same God who worked throughout Scripture was still at work today. And as my faith continued to grow, so did my confidence that God had a purpose for my life. The interesting thing was I still had no idea what that purpose was. I had gone to college planning to earn a psychology degree because I thought I wanted to help people. However, the further I got into the program, the more I realized it was not what I expected. There was far more math, so much science than I had imagined. And I started wondering if this was really the path that God had for me. So I began asking him some big questions, like, God, what do you want me to do with my life? Why did you spare my life? I mean, you know, I shouldn't be here. I should have died. So why did you spare my life? How do you want to use me? And people would often tell me, God has a purpose for your life. And I believed that. I just had no idea what it was. And little did I know, God was already opening doors that I could have never imagined. Doors that would eventually lead me to this microphone, to writing books, to speaking across the country, and to sharing my story with all of you. But none of that happened overnight. And we're gonna pick up at the rest of my college experience the next time. In the next episode, I'm gonna share how I learned how to drive again, how I finished college, why I changed directions, how I earned my second bachelor's degree, and how God continued to reveal his plan for my life one day at a time. So thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode encouraged you, I would be so grateful if you would subscribe to the podcast and share it with someone who could use a little hope today. And if you're enjoying following my story, I hope you will join me next time as we continue this journey together. Until then, remember to choose resilience and determine to keep moving forward. See you next time.