Belonging After Everything Falls Apart | Divorce, Cancer, and Finding Love Again

The Belonging Podcast by Elev8 Villages with Maria Travieso | 014

In this powerful episode of the Belonging Podcast by Elev8 Villages, host Melissa Kaye sits down with Maria Travieso, Christian influencer, content creator, minister, and cancer survivor.

Maria shares her deeply personal story of navigating divorce, identity loss, and a life-changing cancer diagnosis, and how faith, resilience, and community helped her rebuild her life.

This honest and inspiring conversation explores:

• Life after divorce
• Surviving cancer and rebuilding identity
• Faith and personal relationship with God
• Soul ties and emotional healing
• Building healthy relationships
• Finding belonging and purpose

Maria also shares how her journey led her to become a podcaster and social media content creator, helping women heal and rediscover their strength.

If you’ve ever struggled with heartbreak, loss, illness, or searching for your purpose, this episode will remind you that healing and transformation are always possible.

Visit us at church:
https://www.rockfaithcenter.com/
https://www.palestinechurch.com/

Connect with Maria here:
https://stan.store/MariaTraviesa

Learn More About Elev8 Villages:
Website: https://www.elev8villages.org/
Download your FREE Belonging Kit: https://www.elev8villages.org/FREEkit

🔔 Subscribe for more powerful conversations about faith, healing, relationships, and belonging.

This podcast exists because we believe belonging is not a luxury. It’s a human need. Every story shared here helps us imagine a world where no one has to walk alone. 

If this conversation resonated with you, please follow, rate, or share the show with someone who might need it today. To learn more about the movement we’re building (or to get involved) visit Elev8Villages.org.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Belonging Podcast by Elev8 Villages - where belonging becomes a place we build together. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Belonging Podcast by Elevate Villages. I'm your host, Melissa Kay, and today I have Maria Traviesa with me. She is a Christian influencer, content creator, minister, and cancer survivor. Maria, welcome to the Belonging Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Thank you. Thank you so much. I am so excited. I've been looking forward to talking with you and just sharing our stories, our experiences. I know that a lot of people are going to be touched by what we have to say today. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

So for those of you who were not in my life 10, 20 years ago, I owned a hearing aid company called Here on Earth Hearing Aid Center. At the same time, I also was a managing director of a women's network from eWomen Network in El Paso, Texas. Maria was my secretary, receptionist, translator, personal assistant, and overall guru.

unknown 0:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

I think we learned a lot from each other. Absolutely. And it's been really fun ever since watching her journey. So, Maria, back before you were an influencer and a minister and a creator. Before all these new chapters compared to now, who were you then?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Well, back then I was just a woman in a marriage that was just going through everyday routine that was just complacent, had no hopes of any new thing coming happening in my life, very low key, and just waiting, waiting every day for life to go by. That's what happened. And you were a mom. I was mom, mom, mom to two to two young men, amazing men, and yeah, doing marriage, and that was it. That was my life. Then I met you and wow, was that uh a whirlwind?

SPEAKER_01 2:06

I have to tell you, I always appreciated how you held the space in our office with so much kindness and wisdom. I said, like before that you taught me a lot, and you definitely knew how to like round off some of my rough edges, like but with with kindness. And you would just be really this is this is how I feel. And I was like, wow. And so I always was really, I was so grateful for the feedback you gave me. Um and for our audience, Maria and I both went through our divorces at the same time. So this was over a decade ago. And yeah, like 11 years, 11 years ago. And um, I ended up going through a divorce and then selling the business. And at the same time, Maria was going through a divorce and she stayed with that with the company that took over for a little bit and then also went on and did different things. Um, so let's talk about the divorce because we have that in common and we're both so far removed from it, but I know we both learned a lot from it. Yes. So I guess first, what did the divorce do to your sense of identity?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

It really shook me. It really, I was not expecting. I know that at that time we were having problems in our marriage, and I know that things were not going the way it should have been. And after 25 years of this is my normal. This I went straight from my dad's house into marriage. There was no in-between. So this is the only life I knew. So when the divorce comes, I am devastated because I don't know who I am. I don't know. I felt lost. I didn't know who I was because I never had a chance to, or or I was allowed to discover what I liked. So simple things like what side of the bed to sleep on was difficult for me. It was, I was having a problem like I ordered pizza for me. I'm the only one eating. What do I like? So even I'm like, now I have to figure out things by myself. And so what did it do to me? It forced me to go into a process, into a journey of finding out what I like, who I am, what are my desires, what do I want to do with my life? It just pushed me so severely. And it took me a while. It was a process, but it really shook me and made me think, okay, who am I and what I want out of life? It was a process.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Such a courageous, like such a courageous and brave thing you did. Um, you know, being there and witnessing it, it it was like you just jumped off a cliff and said, Well, we gotta figure this out. Yeah. Yeah. So exactly. Because I left shortly after that, I know we stayed in contact for a little bit, but I left shortly after. Who or what helped you to rebuild yourself? Like where did you find the strength? Where did you find your new identity? And uh what what did that journey look like?

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Well, what I I was I was so lost and I didn't know who I was or what what became of me. And I lost friends and I lost, I lost so many people. My network was gone, my church life was gone, and I felt in a way totally, totally alone. And I went inward, and I started asking questions to myself and asked God, okay, what is it that I need? What is it that I want? Who am I? How do I feel about this? So I started changing my friends and I started looking to people that had answers that I was looking for. I started to listen to podcasts with people like you, bringing answers and saying things. So I got into podcasts. I started reading self-help books. I started finding people that were having success transforming their lives. I started to go into the search because the group of people around me didn't have the knowledge that I needed. I went and searched for that. I changed my friends. I totally changed my friends, my contacts, I changed so much because I knew that I needed to find some answers and I wasn't going to find them where I was at. So that's at that where it became my journey. And then I started to develop my relationship with God in a different way. Not the Sunday school God that I was used to, not the Sunday school God that I heard about. So it was that, okay, God, all these years I've talked about, I've sung about you. I want, you know, who are you? I wanted to know the author of the book. Like, let me, let me ask the question of who am I? And then that helped me figure out who I am.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Wow. So it sounds like, let me sort of un re-unpack that you said. So right after the divorce, all of a sudden your belonging as a wife, your belonging as a mother was gone. I mean, you were still a mother, but the relationships totally changed. Yes. And so instead of finding your belonging in an addiction of some type or in like just losing yourself and other people in your job, instead you chose to just belong like to yourself and to God and then rebuild from there. Would that be okay? That's accurate. That's exactly what I did. Okay. And I that's so interesting because both of us grew up as preachers' kids. Yeah. And both of us have had, I would say in our adult lives, like a reckoning with that. So what so let's let's go here. I think that sometimes belonging inside of religion, and right now I'm using religion intentionally, yes, outside of God or our personal relationship, but with the unique way that both of us grew up as a preacher's kid inside a church, I know I felt the pressure in order to belong, I had to behave in a certain way.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Did you feel that? Absolutely, all the time. All the time, all the time. That that is the way the community the being belonging to a church community has its benefits, and we know it also has its pros and cons. And one of the cons is that you have to behave a certain way to be accepted and receive the love of the acceptance of that community. And if you don't behave the way they expect you to, then they shun you. And when you're feeling and and you feel vulnerable and you don't have the strength to stand on your own, you crave that, you need that acceptance. You need it so you do whatever it is that the community wants you to do so you can belong, because you don't know how to be any other way.

unknown 8:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

But in that sense, when I was going through all of this, I even separated from that because I, even though the community helped me later on, I'm not saying it didn't, the community helped me later on in the process, but I was my relationship was much healthier as to what I expected from them and I was what I was willing to give. I did the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah, I separated for quite a while and never gave up faith. Absolutely. I did have to step back for quite a long time and get really okay with my relationship with God before I could attempt, okay, now how do I belong in a church? Yeah. And certainly a church is made up of humans and none of us have figured it all out yet. That's right. Um but if if we're honest, I think we would both agree that a church can be a place where people feel they belong the least. Yes. It can happen. And it should be a place where we belong the most. Correct. Right? What's the difference in your mind between belonging to a church or in a church or with a church and belonging to God? Like what would be the difference in your experience?

SPEAKER_00 10:01

In my experience, well, I see what I see as a church is a community that helps you nourish the relationship that you already have with God. You have to have a relationship with God. You have to know him personally, you have to talk to him, pray with him, pray, read, have that understanding, that feeling that you know God, that you read the word, and and he becomes real in your life every day. The church is just supporting that. The church is not God. Church is just a place where we all gather, we all support each other as human as possibly can, but it's not the source of your relationship with God. It's two separate things. The the community, the church community just supports your relationship with God. It just gives you an environment. For it's just like if you're a lover of coffee, you go to a coffee shop because everybody there loves coffee. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But you you drink coffee, you have your own relationship with coffee, however, you like your coffee. But you're there, you go to Starbucks or you go wherever, because or Dutch Brothers, wherever you go, because everybody there likes coffee. So we all talk about coffee. We like coffee, we talk about coffee. You know, we tell each other's order, but at but you need to go get your own coffee. And you gotta drink your own coffee. You gotta drink your own coffee. I like that. It's a great analogy. Well, so it's the church is just a place, except the only thing is that sometimes they're because of our own beliefs and culture, it's heavy influenced on what it should be and what we present it to be and what it is. But if we go biblically, the Bible just says to gather together in one accord, just gather together. It doesn't say make this, you know. So it's just a place. You've you've got to see it that way. It's just a place where the community meets, where people that like coffee get together and talk about coffee. So, and and then this just that's it, you know, that's it. So they're totally two separate things. You can have an amazing relationship with God, you can have a relationship with God outside of the church. However, it's nice to go for a cup of coffee with other people that like coffee. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

So, how do we create? I love that analogy, and I think that's gonna help us on this next question. How do we create faith communities where people actually feel safe, not just be there, but to be seen for who they are, that they don't have to act, they don't have to be perform. They can be human within this faith community or this church. How do we, how do we create that?

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Well, it starts with people like you and me. Exactly, with people like you and me that have discovered that understanding, that have gone through this experience and we know what the other side's like. And we and we and God has moved in our lives and we have rebuild the relationship. We have a different relationship than our fathers and our forefathers, and we've discovered, we've learned that this new generation needs new things. So, like you and me, that we start communities with a different mindset, with a new mindset. Not necessarily that the gospel has changed, but the presentation of it for a new generation has changed. So, with people like you, that's how we started. With people that have your understanding, with people that like me, that we have a different understanding out of what this generation needs. That's how it starts.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

That's beautiful. Yeah, that's beautiful. What's one thing that you've done with your church family in the last, let's say, year where you really felt like you belonged, like outside of maybe the service? What's one of the extracurricular, let's say, church activities where you was like, wow, I really belong and this really feeds my soul?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Um, well, there's several things that we do that I like that makes me feel connected to the ladies in church and the friends in church and all that is when we do outreach. We go to the Salvation Army as a group and then we serve there. When we go to the child crisis center and we serve there and we gather together and we serve there, and and you know, we're just side by side doing this and and feeding the homeless and serving this and serving that, and we get to talk and and this and also when we have Bible studies in the homes. Because right now we have uh on Wednesdays, we go and we eve, we fellowship and we read the word and we share, and and I get to know them, and I get to know her and her kids and and her cat and her dog and just talk about life other than just the church setting. So that makes me feel connected to them outside of the church. How big are those groups? 12. 12 or less. 12 or less. Okay, yeah. So and the purpose, and one of the reasons they made him, they they suggest 12 or less, so we can connect. Because if the group is too big, we go back to the same thing. It's just like church. So it's it has to be very intimate, very intentional, and that it's it's nice to to drink coffee and eat, and then we had enchiladas and we had this and talk, and it's like, oh, you go to we go to the same church. I don't know who you are. So because sometimes the church is big, you don't get to know people, and that creates that that belonging. Oh, okay. So next time I see her in church, it's like, oh, you're the lady of the brother enchiladas, right? Oh, I know I remember you from group, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah, yeah, I love that. Is it the same group you get together with every Wednesday, or it's like rotating to where you whoever is in your area.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Okay. So the group is by zip code. So we got so you don't have to drive too far. I mean, you can if you want to go to a different group, uh, but we try to make several groups around town that are close to where you live. So if you have kids that have to go to bed early, you don't have to drive too far. And you know, it's you go and come and eat. It's probably about an hour, an hour and a half. Anybody can stay longer if you want to, but if you stay an hour, everybody can go home and take your enchilada plate home.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

You know what I love about that, Maria, and I'm thinking of this in two sides of my brain. Like you're always helping me. Of course, growing elevate villages, and that's like our home pods are in groups of eight, like eight homes per pod. And then we'll have governance groups that are also eight or ten. And those numbers have been really intentionally brought about because that's where people can most connect. It's big enough that if two people don't get along, it doesn't matter. It's small enough that everybody knows each other. Um, and on the flip side, with the church that I'm in now, I've had the beautiful um invitation to help them build community. And so this helps me to know what's happening. So before we get off the church topic, um, I'm happy for you to give your church a call out.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Yes, the Rock Faith Center in El Paso, Texas with Pastor Eric, haul back. Woo!

SPEAKER_01 16:44

And we'll go ahead and I'll link that below. So if you are in El Paso or you're traveling through, um, it is the church I went to right before I left El Paso. And um, it's amazing. So I'll link that. And I go to Palestine Church here in Palestine, Texas. So I'll link that one too, in case anyone's listening that wants to come and have coffee with us. Yes. Uh-huh. Exactly. Yeah. So let's move on to your terrifying health diagnosis. How long ago was that?

SPEAKER_00 17:15

About six years ago, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer stage two. Wow. So I had cancer and I had a three-pound tumor. So it was tumor and cancer all at the same time. And um, yeah, about I'm I'm thank God I'm in remission right now, healed and and moving forward. And but it was that was right after the divorce, right after the divorce. So when I realized something was wrong and I was bleeding and I couldn't stop and all these health issues, and I went to the doctor, and and I remember uh I went in the emergency room and it didn't come out. The doctor came out and and uh said we need to do some run some more tests, and she came back and she said we found cancer and you have a tumor. So call your family. And that was that was that was another moment where where now when I think about it, when you go through the divorce, and that was my my journey to start getting to know who I am and God and who I am. So that journey of knowing myself and how strong I could be. I was I I didn't realize how strong I was until I started to go through things. It's like the teabag, you don't know how strong it is until you put in hot water. So me and my analogies. So I love them. So I was putting hot water and I started to realize how strong I was and how capable. Because sometimes we doubt ourselves so much until we were put in these positions that you just have no choice but to do it. You you just have no choice, you just gotta do it. When the when the divorce started happening and that, and then the cancer hit, I was in a better place to understand that like I could do this. I could hold on to God, hold on to family, hold on to a network of people that were amazing. And you were part of that. Even I remember I was telling you on the other podcast, I can't remember that you gave me that the the necklace that you wore that says fearless, you know, and fearless was every little thing God moved, God put in my way. He he built this this community of people outside of what I expected. The people that expected to be there weren't. And God brought this whole brand new people, brand new connections, brand new. And I'm thinking, what an amazing. I don't thank God for the cancer. It's not I'm not happy about it. However, now looking back, I'm glad it's something that God used to perfect me, to change me, to mold me, is something that I allowed God and say, okay, what can I learn from this? I could have said, I can't believe I've served you all my life, and I'm a Christian and I get this, and I could have become bitter and I could have become all those things, and why me and all that. But I chose to have a different mindset. And that is a takeaway from this. Your mindset is so important on whatever is it that you're facing, you've got to change your mindset because if not, you are gonna go the wrong path and it's not gonna go your way. You've got to see it with a different perspective so you can have a better understanding. What is it that I need to learn or how can I go through this and stuff. So it was, it was uh it was a moment in my life that a second time when when I say, Okay, God, who are you?

SPEAKER_01 20:40

I can tell you it's the hard times, it's the valleys that make us strong. Yeah, it's like the mountaintop, like everybody wants to live at the mountaintop, but you gotta climb the mountain to get to the mountaintop. And then the mountaintop is small. Like there's a lot more of life than those moments or just like rewards, but that's not where you grow. It's the the rough, tough times.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

That is a quick, I am telling you, that's one of the things I learned that there's nothing like a big problem or trial that will grow you faster. Going through something, it that grows you exponentially. When you go through things, you start growing. I mean, if you allow it and you have a good attitude, it it will grow you leaps and bounds when you go through some stuff. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I guess you can go through um what they say, you can get bitter or you can get better. Yes. Like you could go through and feel sorry for yourself and oh yeah. But you didn't. Like you just you you laced up your boots and picked up your sword and you went and figured out how to how to grow yourself and how to um belong more to yourself and belong more to God. And so I qu you mentioned um new friends coming into your life. And I know for a lot of us, when somebody goes through something difficult cancer, illness, and maybe a death in their family. I even get to the points where I'm like, I don't know what to do for them. Like, I don't want to be too much. Like, do I take them food? But can they even eat? I don't know. And I second guess stuff a lot and end up probably not doing something. So while you were going through cancer, how did friends create, I'm going to say create belonging for you? But like, what were things they did that meant a lot to you so that our listeners can like if they have somebody going through something, they'll they'll have some great tips on things they they can do to minister to the person going through a really rough time?

SPEAKER_00 22:34

A lot of times, uh, one of the things that for me was honesty. Honesty. And that sounds funny, but I had friends that say, you know what, Maria, I want to support you. I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. I I took that. I'm like, I appreciate that. Or they would say, you know what, Maria? Um, I know, I don't know how you feel, but can I pray for you? Or I hope you're having a great day. Or I know I'm gonna they would be okay with me sometimes having the energy to respond, sometimes not responding, or just saying okay, but just once in a while, just to call and say, I'm here. That's it. How can I help you today? Or just show up and sit with me. That's it. You know, you know, like they do sit in Shiva, that kind of thing. Yeah. That in the Jewish, they just sit down and cry with you. And so I had people that just come and say, you know what, I really don't know what to say. I'm just calling to let you know that I'm here. I'm just here. And I was so grateful. I was grateful. And when they could, they sent a plate of food. When they could, they they just gave me a call or send me a text. But they showed up and said, I'm here. And then they allowed me to say yes, no, and gave me grace that if I didn't respond, they would come back. And then they gave me that space that for me to react however I needed to react, or however much energy I had to react at that moment for that. And they allowed, they didn't say, Oh my God, I sent her a plate and she didn't eat it, or oh my God, I sent her a thank you and she didn't call me. And oh my god, I sent her flowers and she didn't send me a thank you know. There was so much grace given to me that they allowed me to behave however my energy level let me behave.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

That's beautiful. Thank you for that. I think that's so helpful for me. Um, I hope it's helpful for the listeners as well that because I I always have this like idea that there's something right, like I don't know what it is. And so just to have that freedom to say, I don't have to, it's not about spending money or it's like just being there. And clients say, I don't know what you need, but I'm here.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

Yeah. There's not a right. I'm I'm freeing everybody, I'm setting you free, letting you know that there's not a right comment to sanction somebody going to a cancer, somebody that's going to an illness, or even a death or grief. There is not the right thing to say, but there is the right thing to do and a show up.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

Just show up. Just I'm here. Isn't that like what belonging's all about when we try to create belonging for each other? Is to show up. That's it. Just I'm sure I'm here. Yeah. Be present.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

You want to cry, you don't want to cry. You just want to sit at the end at the edge of the bed. Okay. I'll I'll I'll be here. I mean, I'll just sit. I I always I'll always remember this this moment when I have one of my friends and she came and she was one of the ones that said, I don't know what to tell you, girl. I don't know. That's scary stuff you're going through. But here's a pillow. I'm gonna sit here in the living room. I'm gonna watch something on my phone. I'm gonna watch you sleep. If you need water, I'll get it for you. And blah, blah, blah. I'm just here. Just I'm just here. She was like a plant. She just, she was just stood there, and that was so comforting because I didn't feel obligated to to respond to her in the right way. She didn't feel obligated to tell me the right thing, to release me from my pain. It was just like, you know, I'm here, you know, whatever you need. So, and we were like there several times. And that was so just for her to be there, that was good. That was good enough. So things like that. A lot of things like that.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Wow. During your cancer journey, what was the time that was the most difficult? Like what was the bottom?

SPEAKER_00 26:16

The bottom was right after I had uh I had had the surgery, and that they had to remove the tumor, they did uh kind of like that, the script all the cancer they could. So I had like I was in front of the mirror, and and this is one of those moments that you're just like, oh my God, I could really die. Because I had taken a shower, I came out, and I had the bandages from the surgery, and then I had um this right here. It had recently, it was still hurting. Uh, this is where they put the catheter catheter. I don't know if I pronounced it right. Yeah, they put it here, and then the this is where the vein goes for the chemo. So I had this and I had that, and I was bald. I had lost all my hair. So I'm standing in front of the mirror and I'm looking at myself and thinking, look at what this illness has done to me. Looked at myself and I said, I don't have no hair. I have this and I have this thing and have this big thing. And then I'm thinking, nobody's ever gonna want me. I'm not a woman. I've lost all of you know, all womanhood. I'm never gonna be happy again. And that moment, it was one of the very few moments where I was negative about the whole situation. And then I I just allowed myself to to vent, to cry, to just grieve what I had lost. And that after I cried and I and I just, okay, I said, I'm not the same person anymore. That person had died. I'm just just I just grieved, and that was the lowest, lowest, lowest, saddest point. But at the same time, I let it go. And at the end of my crying fit, I said, God give it and God take it away. If this is how I'm gonna go, let it be so, let it be done. And I let it go. And I said, I'm just gonna live every day the best way I can. Then my attitude had to change. I had to come say, okay, get up, let's do this again. You know, you already had your crane fit, you already had your moment, just get up and do it. Just get it, get up and do it. Get up and do it. And that's that was a moment. That that was a moment. Yeah. It's like you let yourself feel you've got to it.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

You didn't mask it over or pretend you were okay. Like you felt it. And I went there. You didn't let yourself stay there. You're like, okay, I've been there. I felt it.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Ugh. I let it go. I grieved. I grieved. I grieved my hair, I grieved my body, I grieved, um, my organs, I grieved, my womb, I grieved, everything. I just grieved the loss of everything that was taken away from me because of this cancer. And I grieved. It was just, it was just a surreal moment when I every time I think about it, it was that moment when when I'm looking in front of the mirror, out of the shower, and I see my body and I see the devastation of what cancer does. And at that moment, it's like, wow, that that was it. I went through the moment. I I cannot tell you how long it was, but I felt everything I needed to feel. And I didn't cover up because a lot of times I and now I I continue to realize that us as women, we we cover up so much pain, so much things that we go through, and it manifests somewhere else. Like you hold this emotion, you hold this anger, you hold it, and you don't go through it. You don't grieve it, you don't feel it, you don't allow yourself to do it, and then it'll manifest in in another sickness, it'll manifest in another blow-up, it'll manifest in depression, it'll manifest in in so many other ways. So let it all out, let it go, just let it go. Well done.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Well done, my friend. Okay. Um, let's shift. Thank you. Thank you for that. How long after that did you start your first podcast? Or start like talking on social media and like just talking about social media? Being open about the journey and right.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

And during the pandemic, that's when I started going to social media because uh and during the pandemic, everybody was stuck at home. And then that's where I discovered TikTok and I discovered Facebook and I discovered live and and I discovered this. And I'm like, and my son Daniel, he's like, Mom, why don't you talk about your journey? Mom, why don't you talk about this? That's and then I discovered a product that I that I've always been using, this product called Immunical. So why don't you talk about that? And so that's where I started the this whole journey of helping. And then I realized, hey, other women would start texting me and and uh DMing me and sending me messages and say, Would you share it help me? And thank you, and this and that. And I started to see this community that I didn't plan for it, but they and they just wanted more and more advice and more of my life, and they wanted to know this, they wanted to know that. And it just and it's still growing. It's a community out there that they follow me and they know my journey, and they it's like friends. And I've met one or two in person and we become friends, and like, oh my god, my TikTok friend, and or my Facebook friends. And and sometimes it's funny because the biggest supporters are usually strangers. It's a great community, it's a great community of these women that are like me, that they've had divorce, they've had cancer, they're rebuilding their life. And to see another woman saying, Hey, I've been there. Hey, I I know what it's like. It's tough, but we can do it. And then they follow my journey and then they encourage me with their own stories. And I'm like, oh my goodness, this is awesome. And I follow them, they follow me, and we support each other. So that's that's how uh community is building.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

Yeah, I love it. The beautiful side of all of our digital media. Um, so you you have two podcasts now, is that right?

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Correct. Once, yes, I'm sorry, Maria and Friends. And that's where I interview and they and we share, like like we're doing right now. And then a new one that we just launched is Dual Lens with Ulises. And he he that one is funny because we debate both sides of the coin, and and sometimes we get into arguments, and like this last time we're talking about gender roles, and and we we argue in the air. I'm like, oh my god, we're gonna get canceled. But because he is something else, girl, he is something else. I listen to a few of them and they get spicy. He likes to stir the pot. And I'm like, no, I don't think so, sir.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Uh-huh. But it's good. Are are all of your episodes about relationships? Yes. On that one? Okay. So I know in that you do talk a lot about soul ties.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Um, and by the way, for my listeners, we will put the links to her um podcasts below. So definitely check it out. Um, I was interviewed on Median and Friends not too long ago. So uh go and if you want to hear more of us, if we end and you you're you're wanting more, yeah. Um, but anyway, back to this. You have spoken about you've spoken about soul ties before, and it's a concept that I hear sort of here and there. And I honestly would love your interpretation of Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Um, a soul tie it is not sometimes you hear soul ties and it's always sounds like it's a bad thing, but soul ties could be a good thing. It could be it's just this emotional, deep, but really deep bond. Emotional, spiritual, almost physical uh bond with somebody. You and I, honestly, you and I have a soul tie. And the reason we have a soul- That's a good soul tie. Yeah, it's a good soul tie, right? Yeah, and the reason I know it's a soul tie because it's been what 11 years, more years than that, and we still come back to each other. Yeah. Because we went through uh divorce together, you um, we worked together, there was a business that you built together, there was a lot of experiences that we shared together, and there was such, and there's such a respect, such love that it's just very deep. It's it's one of those things that you and I can stop talking for years, but the minute you pick up the phone, we're back where we were left off. Just like nothing happened. Like nothing happened. That's a good soul tie. In the same way, like I'm sure that you have friendships that you you just you just feel that spiritual bond that sometimes when they're going through something, you feel it. And they come to your mind because it just it just and you're like, huh, why am I thinking about Maria all of a sudden and why am I? And then you call her and Melissa, I got you called and this and this, and then you're like, why? Because you have as like a spiritual connection. So the same way you develop, and these, and I'm not just not talking friendship. No, I'm just talking about that soul tie is a deeper connection that you feel that you develop with this one person. And sometimes you develop soul ties with people that you dated, people that you had a relationship with. And sometimes it ended not properly, or maybe you and you're like, Why am I still thinking of this person? And if you I don't know if you've ever met somebody that that talks about their ex and they just can't you're like, get over it. And you're like, he treated me bad and he did that to me, and he cheated on me and he did this and he did that, but I still love it. I still and you're like, woman, let that man go. What is wrong with you? You can't stop thinking about them. They come into your dreams, they come, and some people experience them even in their dreams, touching them, pulling them. It's a deep, deep soul ties. It goes into a spiritual, you know, thing that you we need like a psychological bond that is just not healthy. And they try to get out of it, they try to, but they just like keep getting drawn to that person. And you're like, what does that man have over you? What does and it's and you can almost see this cord around their neck or around their spirit that won't let that go personally, even if it's choking them, even if it's not a we all know it's not a healthy thing. That's when you realize, oh, they have a soul tie because it's deeper than what they know. So, how do you get rid of a soul tie? You have to have a clear understanding what boundaries are. You have to make different choices. You have to say no to that relationship. Like, don't take the call, don't take the the text, don't let them visit. You have to do there's a process that you go through. It's like when you there's something rooted, like a plant. You have to start cleaning everything around before you pull the roots. You clean out the area and you start slowly and slowly pulling out, pulling out, pulling out that root. And you have to do that with that person. You have to cut the contact. You have, and if let's say sometimes you have a soul tie with your ex-husband and you have a kid, you have to set boundaries because you know yourself that you can get drawn to that, and you have to do a lot of deep work in you, a lot of healing and get to know who you are and let yourself heal so you can be strong enough to cut that tie and say, No more. I'm not gonna let you talk to me like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

So do you think these unhealthy soul ties come because we need something and it's there to reveal something to ourselves that we need to heal?

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Absolutely. Anybody that triggers anything in your life, it's untouched, it's an healed area. Like if somebody triggers you and you don't know why, that you gotta ask that question. Why is there triggering me a lot? When I had an unhealthy soul tie, I needed to be validated. This this is when I learned about soul ties because I needed to feel validated because I had just gone through cancer, I just got gone through some things, and and I was feeling because of divorce, and I needed to know that I had value as a woman, that I had worth. So I met this per this this guy, and he was amazing, and he did all the right things, and oh my god, it was uh it was just great. And he filled that void, but he was a narcissist. So I had that void, and that was my void, my unhealed, that unhealed part of me. It was an open door for him to come in and tie me up however you want. Hey, there's a valley in me. I have a different body, but that's okay. So I'm just gonna run around and love you just the way you are, wherever you're at. It's okay, my dad. You don't you can you you can receive love from God, you can receive love from your family, receive love and worth from who you are, what you are. You're a daughter of God, and blah, blah, blah, and all that stuff. So I had to do all that work. So I slowly, slowly let it go. And to the point that I can hear his voice and it doesn't bother me. I can see him, I can talk to him. There is no ties that will drag me through where he's at, or and because it is it goes deeper into this because sometimes he feels what you feel, you feel what each other feels. So it's more manipulative. It's a wrong percentage. You have like, I know you still love me, I know you'll still think of me. I he's right, but I'm not gonna, you know, because there's a soul tie there pulling, but nope, there you gotta break all that stuff. So there's a process, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

Wow, crazy, wow. Yeah, I'm going through all so a lot of soul ties here that I'm thinking of. Some of them that just sort of wore themselves out, but they wore themselves out without me learning the lesson. So then I had to have that unhealthy soul tie from someone else in order to finally take time to do the work. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

Once you start like digging those roots out, like yeah, yeah. You gotta dig out, you gotta dig them out, and and you just gotta clean out, dig it out, dig it out. And and it's it's uh powerful because you those soul ties, they're sometimes they're dormant and and they get activated by a sound, by a memory, or by something. And then you just are feeling this pull. And if you and if you don't know that it's a soul tie and it was not of God and it's not a benefit to you, you think, oh my god, is the universe telling me I need to go back to him? Because after all these years, I still remember him. Because after all we're meant to be, we're meant to be. I mean, no joke. No, I no joke. I'm like, oh my god, didn't he beat the crap out of you? And you want to go back to the are you sure that are you sure that's God? Are you sure? What you know, are you hello? Is the universe that been that mean to you? No, I love him. I still, you know, it's been 25 years and I had a dream about him, and it is meant to be, and I'm like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

I think sometimes it's just easier for us as humans to sit in all the dysfunction we know instead of doing the work, the hard work. And I think in my case, because we're afraid of pain. Yeah. Or afraid, yeah. So if it's the pain I can't control, but I'm not gonna do pain to myself. I'm not gonna look in the mirror and look at my body and feel it. I'm not gonna do what I have to do in this relationship to heal myself because it's gonna hurt before it feels better.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

One of one of the things one of the things that I've noticed talking to people that they don't do the work, the inner work. It's that they don't want to feel pain. They they don't want to dig in, they don't wanna uncover, they don't want to move, they don't, they don't want to phase the pain. But once, and I know you, I know you know this, that once you learn how to phase your pain, it becomes easier and easier and easier, and you're like, I'm gonna deal with this, it's gonna hurt, but I'm gonna deal with this because I've already done it several times and I survived it, and it gets better and better.

SPEAKER_01 41:56

So you've spent this last decade we've both spent on learning to belong to ourselves, learning to belong to our higher power, our heavenly father. Yes, and then learning how to have human relationships, how to grow the good ones, how to be there for people, yes, how to allow people to be there for us, and how to let go of those unhealthy soul ties. So, Maria, is there a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Yes, there is. Yes, there is. Is that pot of gold by any chance have a name of Pablo? Yes, he does.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

Yes, yep, yep, yep, yep. He is my leprechaun. He's a little leprechaun holding the pot of gold.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

Yes, ma'am. Yay, Maria. I'm so excited for you in this very um, I'm gonna say new relationship because it's newly public. Newly public, yeah. But yeah. Uh-huh. But I know nothing happened probably that fast. So what feels different this time?

SPEAKER_00 43:05

I feel different because I know what I want and I know what I was looking for. I know what works for me, and I know what doesn't. I know what hurts, and I know what doesn't. I know what to look for. And in this relationship, um, I dated. I dated. I mean, I kissed a lot of frogs before I found this prince. But because I knew what it looked like for me, I was like, nah, that's not it. No, that's not it, that's not it. And in this relationship, it feels different because it feels peace, it feels uh solid, it feels safe. And I know that's not very romantic for some people. It's like, oh my God, safe, or you know, whatever. But when you've sounds romantic to me. Yeah, but but we've done the work and we know what we know that chaos. Is not romantic. We know that chaos doesn't last. We know that, you know, toxicity in a relationship doesn't last. We know that fearful, you know, and anxious doesn't last. We know all those that we think is exciting. Oh my God, I'm alive and I feel excited. No, you're anxious all the time. You are unsafe. You are all those things, but we romanticize all these deep, strong emotions that when somebody comes with peas, we're like, we're uncomfortable. We find it boring. We're not used to it. What is that? And then somebody comes that with no chaos and no toxicity, and we're we're shocked. We're like, this is so boring. Where is the where's excitement? Where's the drama? Where's you know, nobody's calling 911? What is happening here? You know? And we are not used to it. It's our mindset we have to change. We have to think differently of what romance is, what save feels like, what a good relationship, what a healed man behaves like. You're like, what do you what do you mean? You're you're you're not calling me at 3 a.m. to to know where I'm at? What do you mean you're not jealous? What do you mean you're not gonna beat him up? What do you mean you you trust me? What do I mean you what do you mean you're not going through my phone? Don't you love me? You know, I'm like, oh god. You're not trying to control me. You're not trying to control me? You are you're I I can go with my friends and have a drink, really? You're not gonna show up there and and you know and and spy on me? What? You trust me? What who are you? Yeah. So and then that's when we need to change our mindset, you know, like I don't need to see your phone. In fact, we're good, we're good. If so.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

So how how did you and Pablo create belonging for each other? Like, how do you create a space where he feels safe belonging to you? And how did he create a space that you felt safe belonging to him?

SPEAKER_00 45:56

It has to do with communication. The way our our relationship was developed, we've done a lot of talking because of the distance. It helped us. Sometimes when you get into a relationship, it'd be if it becomes very sexually all the time and very physical, then that's all you want to do. And you don't allow time to get to know each other, to talk, to have those difficult conversations, those get-to-know-you conversations, ask the correct questions. What is it that you want? What is it? So, with a distance, in this case, it's everybody's different, everybody's needs are different, but because of our our distance, it helps us go beyond the physical attraction and just see what is it that you want, what is it that you're looking for, what is it because you know, you you need to talk. You what else are you gonna have? All of a sudden you're gonna get to know each other. But if you're kissing all the time, nobody's gonna talk, nobody's gonna know, nobody's gonna have a conversation of what is it that you want? And then I get then you get to know what he needs, what I need, what his expectations are, what my expectations are. Then you start asking questions. Where what is it that you want in life? What is it that I want? Do we meet in the middle? Can we compromise? I mean, my life is not perfect, your life is not perfect, but is there enough space where we can both compromise? Is there, do I fit in your life? Where do I fit in your life? Do you fit in my life? Where do you fit in my life? How does this life of you know work together? Can we both build a future that we're comfortable? You're gonna give up some stuff. I'm but all that happens when you have conversations, when you allow space and when you have that understanding, that knowledge that you need to let the other person talk and not just listen to respond, but really genuinely listen to understand. Because sometimes we tend to listen, okay. I'm gonna say this when he's done, I'm gonna say this when he's done, and I'm gonna say that when he's done. No, no, no, no. Listen with the intent to understand the person's soul and where they're coming from. And sometimes they don't have the verbiage, like, oh my God, let me take my glasses off because this is a good one. You gotta be mature enough. Listen, sometimes, yeah, like you, because men say that women talk twice as much is true. But if they would listen to us the first time, we wouldn't talk so much. But the thing is the thing is yeah, the thing is that that sometimes we need to allow enough space for them to come around and say what they need to say, however it's that they need to say it. Because we tend because we we have knowledge and we have understanding and we've done the work, we have the words, we have the definitions, we have what it looks like, and we don't allow them to to come to that term and like okay, I'm gonna give you a minute to finish that sentence till you come to what is it that you really want to say, and then we'll we'll we'll we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. And and you gotta, you know, there's there's a lot of relationship stuff that goes into it, but but he makes me feel safe. And that to me is what like we were talking earlier, that you need to do do you understand that what is important to you and if he meets that you struck gold.

SPEAKER_01 49:05

Yeah, I'm so happy for you. I'm just I'm thrilled. So if the Maria from 10 years ago, the one sitting at the front desk here on Earth could see the Maria you are today, what do you think she would say?

SPEAKER_00 49:25

I would tell her, don't worry so much.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

It's gonna work itself out. What would she be most proud of seeing you now in 2026?

SPEAKER_00 49:41

How strong I am, how strong I became, how brave I became, how brave, how strong. How brave that's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

She'd be so proud of you. She is so proud of you. What would surprise her the most?

SPEAKER_00 50:00

That I'm in social media. It would surprise her that I'm social media because I don't want to, I'm not the I don't like to be in front of cameras. I don't like to be in front of at that time. I didn't want I wanted to hide in a corner and just hide. I remember having conversations with you, and you remember to, I remember you asking me one time, money, is there something that you want to do? I'm like, no, I just want to hold your purse. All I want to do is hold your purse. I just want to hold your purse and be that's I don't want to talk to nobody, I don't want to be in front of camera, I don't want to help nobody. I tell you, hold your purse. I just want to be the mat where you walk and you're secure. That's all I want to do. So that that that surprised me that I that I'm doing social media, that I'm out there, you know, doing talking, speaking, and having all this. And it's like that, that's the biggest surprise for me. What do you love most about being a podcaster? The conversations, right? The conversations, the nuggets, the stuff. I believe everybody has a story. Everybody has an amazing story that needs to be told. I believe that there's a lot of people that have learned lessons that would save other people time. And people brave like you and like me, that we are at this point, that we are so transparent, and we are gonna have those brave conversations, and we are giving people space to say, you're not the only one going through this. You're not alone. Other people we survive, you're gonna be okay. We're going through, we're figuring it all out, and we're connecting, we're building this community, and you belong to the human race. I belong to the human race, and we're here together, and you're not alone, and let's belong to this.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

So beautifully said. What are you most excited about or inspired to pursue in the upcoming season of your beautiful life?

SPEAKER_00 51:58

Podcasting full-time, becoming a content creator full-time. That is my next goal. Podcasting with some amazing people. Do a podcast that will continue to help women that want to rebuild their life. And then they need somebody to tell them, hey, you can do it. Not how to do it, because everybody has their own journey, but hey, you can do it. Take the step. I got you. And that that's that's my my goal right now. That's what I'm excited about and what I'm working really hard to do, be a full-time content creator for to have the space to have these kind of conversations. I love it. I love games.

SPEAKER_01 52:37

Yeah, I love it. Maria, thank you for sitting with me today and chatting and sharing your heart and letting no question be off the table. Um, I love you dearly, and I'm so grateful that we have a healthy soul tie. Yes. And uh I I know it will be with us for a long time to come. Absolutely. So thank you and enjoy every minute of your engagement and uh your being a fiance. It's such a fun and exciting time. And I look forward to our next conversations.

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 53:17

To my listeners, thank you so much for being here. Leave some comments below. What do you want us to talk about? Is there a part of belonging that you're that you feel and that you'd like us to delve into? Please put it in the comments. We would love to talk about that as well. I'd like to take a minute to thank our patron, Deanna Laughlin, because of your generosity. We get to sit here and have these beautiful conversations. You belong to us and we belong to you. That's it for this episode of the Belonging Podcast by Elevate Villages, where we build belonging together.