Running Toward Tomorrow

At sixteen years old, Majd Abdallah entered foster care with nothing more than a backpack and an uncertain future. What he discovered over the years wasn't just safety—it was family, purpose, and a profound sense of belonging.

In this powerful episode of The Belonging Podcast, Melissa Kaye sits down with Majd Abdallah, founder of Foster the Bear, to explore his remarkable journey through foster care, healing, identity, and the relationships that transformed his life. Majd shares the unexpected moments that helped him discover who he was meant to become—from finding freedom in early morning runs to realizing, during his high school graduation party, that his foster parents had quietly become his forever family.

Together, Melissa and Majd explore what it truly means to belong, why community is essential to healing, and how simple acts of compassion can change the trajectory of a young person's life.

This conversation is a moving reminder that belonging is not about where you come from—it's about the people who choose to walk beside you.

In this episode you'll discover:

• How belonging shapes identity and resilience
• The emotional journey of entering foster care as a teenager
• Why relationships matter more than programs
• How sports, mentorship, and community create lasting transformation
• The inspiring story behind Foster the Bear and its mission to support children and young adults experiencing foster care
• Why every young person deserves to know they are worthy, valued, and never alone

Whether you're connected to foster care, work with young people, are a foster parent, or simply care about building stronger communities, this episode offers hope, wisdom, and a fresh perspective on what it means to truly belong.

About our guest

Majd Abdallah is the founder of Foster the Bear, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting children and young adults who have experienced foster care through comfort, connection, scholarships, and community awareness. Drawing from his own lived experience, Majd is helping ensure that no young person feels forgotten as they navigate life's most challenging transitions.

If this conversation resonates with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who believes that every person deserves to belong.

Learn More: 
TedX Talk: https://youtu.be/atEFz5DwkiQ?si=DvLaMMRq12i5KF7C
Foster The Bear: https://www.fosterthebear.org/

Learn More About Elev8 Villages:

Website: https://www.elev8villages.org/
Download your FREE Belonging Kit: https://www.elev8villages.org/FREEkit

💭 If this episode inspires you, don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE!

This podcast exists because we believe belonging is not a luxury. It’s a human need. Every story shared here helps us imagine a world where no one has to walk alone. 

If this conversation resonated with you, please follow, rate, or share the show with someone who might need it today. To learn more about the movement we’re building (or to get involved) visit Elev8Villages.org.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Belonging Podcast by Elev8 Villages - where belonging becomes a place we build together. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Belonging Podcast by Elevate Villages. I'm your host, Melissa Kay, and we are here today with a really special guest. He has lived through homelessness, instability, foster care, and now he's creating hope for other young people. Um, he has started the Foster the Bear Foundation and is also director of operations for child welfare there in South Carolina. Without further ado, I'd like to welcome Medj Abdullah to the podcast. Medj, welcome to the Belonging Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Thank you for having me. Happy to be here.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Yeah, we're so excited to hear from you and your experiences and what you've learned and the wisdom you can bring to us so that we can create better futures for youth who have lived experience in foster care. So if you if you don't mind, I would love for you to introduce yourself to my audience and tell us a little bit about your life growing up and going into foster care.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Sure, sure. I I think um it's super important because um it's sort of the foundation for a lot of the work that I do now and and where the passion comes from. Um the short version here is um my parents actually immigrated from Jordan. So I was born here in the US and we were a very normal family, but I think like many families, things can kind of come up and um things can change. But parents were um got divorced early on. Um, and then as time went on, it was just, you know, me, my mom, and my brother, and um, we were just a regular small family, um, which was great, and it was great for a long time. Um, but um in my case, my mom ended up developing um some serious mental illness issues, which eventually led to um, like you mentioned, some homelessness instability, a lot of um, I think a tough environment at home, and the stress kind of just outweighed um a lot of things for her and for me personally, um, which eventually led uh led to just um there being enough instability, enough neglect, and enough reasons to be like, hey, I could personally see that this is this is not gonna work. And at this point, I'm about 16, um, and I realize things aren't gonna get better and something has to happen. Um, and the US is so interesting in the way mental health issues are handled. The only way you can actually find or get help for someone, regardless if they're your parent or not, is to uh essentially they have to do something violent, uh it seems, or that something really poor has to happen where the police get involved. So they have to actually be admitted involuntarily because typically people who have a serious mental illness, if it's really genuine, don't think they actually have something wrong with them. Um and so in my case, I told my guidance counselor things at home weren't great, which eventually led me um or eventually led them actually to an investigation um into our home and what was going on, and they concluded that it wasn't safe. And then I from there went into foster care. So um, yeah, that's a little bit of of the intro there um without going to all over the place. I can give you a lot of detail, but that's that's kind of how it happened.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Yeah, it sounds like now you've gone through a lot with your home life and then you had to make this pretty dramatic or difficult, let's say very difficult decision to tell everybody what's happening and get the get the law involved with your mom's life and your family life. And so what do you remember most at that age at 16 going into foster care, like that day you went in?

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yeah, that's and that's a that's um thanks for the question. We you know, I I tell people um I told my guidance counselor on a Monday and didn't really know it was gonna happen. I went to school the next four days, and then it was a Friday. Um and then a day before I left school, a caseworker met me um and said, Hey, um, you're actually not going home today. So um you're you're going we've got a place for you to go. And I I moved into a group home. So um I I think it I was scared, obviously. There's some real obvious ones, you know, you feel a little lonely. Um, you're a little scared, you're unsure what's gonna happen. I mean, you you really don't know, like, okay, I what happens now, like am I going to school on Monday? Um and I think like more than anything, what I was desiring before that, like even before I was going into foster care was like just for normalcy. And I just wanted things to be different. Um and now I'm moving to a group home, and I think that the first like kind of steps you take in um into the home for me were we're definitely super intimidating. I don't really have anything for one. I mean, I just I have my backpack.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Um and um And you didn't know you go to school one day, and by the end of the day, all of a sudden you're not going home.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Uh I I knew something was gonna happen. I was really hopeful that honestly I was really hopeful in my case that something would happen.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Okay, got it. So is it was it a bit of a relief? Like a relief jumping into Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

It's it was a relief. Um, but like a relief that brings anxiety in its own form. So I mean, yes, yes, it was a relief, but also not just like overwhelmingly positive relief. You know, like you pass the SATs in high school, like that's relief, you know. But this one is like I I I there's just a different form of anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Relief from one thing, which creates now all of this. Other issue and concern uncertainty and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

So you you hit a nail on the head. I feel uncertain, I'm unsure, I'm fearful. Um, what happens now? Who, you know, my understanding is there's no one for me to go to, which is why I'm going to a group home. Like that's explained to me. Wow. Um, which is fair. Um we didn't have a lot of family. I'm not surprised by that outcome. But yeah, that's I'm I'm feeling concerned for sure.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

And that first night there, did you find other the other youth that were there? Were they welcoming? Did they kind of help you? Was it not that good of a situation? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

You get some rough around the edges um young young guys. So you you um I'm moving to a group home with other 16-year-old boys, 18, 15, who truthfully have probably had truthfully have had very different experiences than mine. Um in fact, I'll I'll share this story. I remember talking to a young guy, and I won't share his name, but he's telling me a little bit about his experience and like why he's at the group home, um, which was basically his foster care story. And um, I remember thinking, oh, um, I f I feel really lucky. Um, I'm glad that's not my situation. A lot of the young guys that lived there also were coming from very serious situations um that looked very different from mine. Um, and so in ways, I was, I think after meeting like other the other boys and making relationships with them, I felt blessed, if that is fair to say. I felt lucky. Sure. Um, but also um when I say rough around their edges, so a lot of guys, you know, like tough skin, um, had tough lives, and that that shows so we we're all a little angry. Everybody's a little angry, um especially with young men. Um that's evident, but you also have a lot of guys who are pretty nice. Uh everybody has a tough shell at first, but usually kind of comes off. Um, and so I think you know, you're a little intimidated, but also like it's a little comforting in some weird way to be like, okay, like, well, they're okay. I think there's also a little tough part too, of another part that brings fear is you know, you talk to one guy and and he might say, I've been here for a year and a half, you know? And it starts to feel like prison, um, which is interesting. It starts being like, oh, like he's been in the group room for a year. Like, okay. That feels like I've been locked up for a year. You know, it's it's I would it almost sounds like synonymous to me, but um so there's a lot of dichotomies and things to dissect there, but um, but yeah, that's a little bit of what the interactions were like.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

And did you get to stay at the same school you had been at?

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Yeah, so thankfully, um South Carolina has a law, um, and I'm blinking on the law, actually. Um I think McKinney Vento. Yeah, it's McKinney's a McKinney Vento Act. That might be a federal law, actually. And basically legally, a state was required to keep a student at their same school, um, if at all possible. Um in South Carolina, you know, I could at the time I lived in Greenville, but if I lived if the group home or the only accessible housing was available was in Charleston, which is on the coast, which is about three-hour drive, I'm probably not going to my same school, regardless of McKinney Ranto. So I mean, you know, this is changing the course of the topic a little bit, but interestingly, that is some of the sometimes the situation for young people is there isn't an there isn't a home or place for them to go to in their area. And so they are further disrupted. In my case, I stayed at the same high school, which was unbelievably helpful.

unknown 9:22

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Unbelievably helpful.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

I mean, you can't underscore it.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Absolutely. Yeah, I'm really glad that that that worked out in your in your journey. Now, at what point during your that first year at the group home did you begin? I think like you found running. Like running outside started being sort of therapy for you. Am I right on that?

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah, you did your research. So um, yeah, one of the first things my director calls me upstairs and um and says, what are what's one thing we can do for you? After an assortment of questions, we finish with what's one thing we can do for you. And love that. Which is great, right? He it was a good question for him to ask. And I actually need two things. One, I said, I need a haircut. Um, because I hadn't gotten a haircut in a very long time. So I had very shaggy hair, despite what things look like now. Um and then the second one was, and this was actually a bit of a lie. Um I told him, I said, I I said, I run. I said I like to go on runs. Is that something I can do while I'm here? Um, and he hesitated because typically young guys in group homes might run away. Um and that was kind of what he explained to me. It was like, you know, really cautious to let you go on a run because what that could imply you might be doing. Um so that's like the antidote of like, okay, this sounds more closer to prison now, doesn't it? And it's like, okay, I can't just go on a run, right? Yeah. Um and so but he made an excuse.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Were you a runner before, or was that your little fib?

SPEAKER_02 10:56

I tried to, but that was my fib. I really was not a runner. I did not run. I felt for some reason inclined to be. Um I I I truly felt like uh I hate to use the word escaping, but leaving the situation I was coming from, um, I was so very limited and hadn't I felt like I had very little potential, a lot of internal damage and emotional trauma. And I was like, I I felt as though I wasn't using my life well.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Um, that I was somehow like wasting away if that was possible. And I felt inclined to be like, I have to do something more and something challenge myself. I and like that piece of normalcy, right? Like I knew people who did run, who played sports, and so I was like, well, why can't I do that? And so I think whether I realized it or not subconsciously, I decided I'm a runner when I talk to him. And I said, I and I that was my lie. It was a lie or fib. I said, I'm a runner, I'm not a runner. I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

You were just time traveling a little bit. I was time traveling. Identifying as a runner.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

I was identifying as a runner.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

But I I'm so curious about what inside of you, like something subconsciously, maybe, knew that that was gonna be one of the gifts that could start the healing process. Yeah. Like I'm just fascinated that you at that age, in that situation, knew to ask for that. And I'm I'm glad that I mean, I'm gonna say I'm glad you fibbed, and I'm sure he is too. You know, like you you found the piece that without knowing why, you knew it was gonna be a part of your journey, an important part. And uh you asked for it. So how did it so how did it work out? How did you get to run?

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Yeah. We didn't really I don't I don't typically get here um in this part of the story, but one of the rules that they set for they actually let me do it. I'll give it to them. They said, well, let you run. However, you can only run you can only run around the group home. So it's a big group home, not so um, but not that big of a property. Let me be clear. I mean, we're talking, we're talking maybe it's a 3,000 square foot, it's more long. So maybe we're talking 3,000 square foot uh upstairs. So it's it's not big. Okay. I'm running around a building, not a property. Um, here's the rules. So there's this is this is part of the story. I have to catch a bus in the morning. That bus comes to pick me up at 6 a.m., 6 30 a.m. Because of McKinney Vento, they leave the bus is legally, they have to come get me. I have to have the opportunity for at least a year. So they come to pick me up, but I have to go through the elementary, the middle school, and then the high school. So I ride through three routes, right? Oh there's always a catch to those, to these nice rules.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

You weren't just on the normal bus that all the kids in your school were on. You were on like a foster kid bus?

SPEAKER_02 13:46

No, it wasn't a foster kid bus. I just was the first kid to be picked up to start the day. Just happened that way. Okay. Good. So I they would pick up the elementary kids, drop them off at their school. They pick up the middle school kids, drop them off at their middle school, pick up the high school, which is then my school.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

So I would have to later.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Yeah. So I had to wake up very early, which meant, and for some reason, I'm probably an idiot. Why would I do this? But I decided that I should run in the morning because that seems like the right way to do it. And so I would literally, I would wake up at 5 a.m. because of this new lie that I've created. And a staff member would come outside and watch me as I ran around the 3,000 square foot building. Um my word. And that is the story of starting to run. And I don't have any cellular reception, right? You can't listen to music. I don't have headphones. It was a very like raw runner. And I would think, but there's a catch. I would um I would uh go to a YouTube video on my phone and like an hour-long version of like Imagine Dragons, because I was a big fan at the time, and I would play the entire video so I could get like it loaded and then rewind. Yeah. And I would play the repeat hour-long YouTube video as I ran around the building.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Um, so I have to know.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

So sorry, this question is just won't let me go. Having not actually been a runner, posing as a runner, now you're out there that first day when you get up at five in the morning and you start running. Like, were you like, yes, I did it? Or how did it where was your mind that first day you were running?

SPEAKER_02 15:29

I I wish I could really like picture it. Um, I wish I had wrote it down. I think um I was more upset at my situation, and it was very much like uh I have to do this, not really sure why I'm doing it, but it felt very like I I wanted to be more than what I was, and this felt like a path to it.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Um something you could do, at least.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

It just felt like something I could do. And so, you know, I I don't know if I was happy and free, or if I was angry, or just like confused and just like following emotion, or maybe perhaps I was distracting myself, which is probably what it really was. It was a big distraction. Yeah. But it was a great, probably the best distraction, and it led to a good good version of life for me today. So I'm happy with it, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

I love I I just that's such a I'm so glad that that all happened for you. And I'm glad that when they were like, yeah, you can just run around the building, you were like, okay. How many times do you know how many times like a day, like in that hour? How many laps would be?

SPEAKER_02 16:32

No, I don't. I don't. I wish I did, but godly. It doesn't matter, right? But I mean it's it was probably I probably ran around the building like hundreds of times. And eventually, I will say they were like, Okay, we don't think you're gonna run away. Well, you could just go on a run. Like, we're not gonna watch you at 5 a.m. in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

And then I was like, tired of getting out there and watching you have fun.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

Yeah, and then I would just run in the evening. Eventually I broke the habit of thinking this is the only way to do this, but I did it for a while.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

So Wow, good for you. That's amazing. Okay, so then you but you continued running, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:08

I did. I did.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

And then did you get on like the track team?

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I joined the track team. Um, I talked to the coach, um coach Glenn Mackate, and I just asked him, I said, Hey, like I want to join the track team. I've been running a little bit, like, and he asked me how long I can I run straight, and I was like, 20 minutes, maybe. And um, he said, Well, if you can go on a run that's longer than 45 minutes, you can run for 45 minutes, you can join. Um, and I said, Okay. And that very next weekend, I actually I played my YouTube video. It's an hour-long YouTube video, and I said, I'm gonna try to get to this song in the video, and which would be 45 minutes. And I did, and I did not stop. And it was a good challenge because I actually I totally had was in shape for it. No one had made the idea that I should try this. Um, and so once it was set, I said, okay, I'll see if I can do that. And that was the first goal someone set for me that I accomplished. Um I think entering foster care.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Great job. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

And then I joined the team, of course, after that.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

So, how was it being on the team? And I'm gonna pull the team. Tell me about that, and then we're gonna talk about belonging in a team and what that means to you.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Yeah, so it was um, it truly was uh a real gift. Um, I'd never been on a sports team before. Um, and consequently, because of my situation, I didn't have very many friends. I had friends and classmates and acquaintances, but I was a bit of a funny guy. So I had friends, people knew me, but I didn't have um genuine relationship, if that's if that's fair to say. Um it felt as though I knew people, but no one really knew me, which is, I think, more typical in society nowadays, unfortunately. But joining the team gave me an opportunity to see somebody consistently for a different reason than like I'm in your class, because I wasn't in these people's classes, right? And we got to do things that were challenging any other. You go on a 45-minute run, you're probably gonna talk. Um, we not we weren't like asking each other deep questions, like most guys don't do that in high school, but we were talking and getting to know each other, whether it be about classmates' classes or girls, have you? I mean, we we would talk. And so um I really did make relationships, and so that's where I think belonging really comes in. It's like I started to feel like I was a part of something, which gave me a different version of value and felt like I was on a team, you know. Track is very individual, but this is these are my teammates. Um and um with even as such a like track being such an individual sport, I still felt like on a team, which goes to show um, you know, how much I probably needed some sort of unity, belonging, group, community, if you will. Absolutely. Um, and so yeah, we we make relationships. I I start to feel like I have friends and they invite me to things. Um and this is where things I think in the normalcy space get a little bit weird because I actually am not legally allowed to get in their car and just drive somewhere, right? Like them getting getting me getting into my friend's car and going to QT, while that's okay, I think to most people, technically they have to be vetted by DSS and they gotta be, are they a safe person? I'm not even sure what the rules were at the time about getting into like a 16-year-old's car. I mean, I guess that's not allowed, but but the the there's probably a gray area somewhere. Um it's one of those rules you don't tell someone about. It's not really a rule, right? Um no one knows you're breaking the rule.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Got it.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

You're not breaking the rule. But but it gets weird when you have an adult, right? That's where it's like, okay, you really shouldn't be getting an uh the adult's car because they need to be vetted. What if they're not safe? The state is involved, right? So it's their responsibility to have you in safe cars. Um, so can I spend the night at a friend's house? Let's say a friend wants to go do something one night. Well, I I live in a group home. Like, I gotta get that clear to the group home. And let's be honest, like, the group home is not letting other kids do that. They're not letting me do that. How do I get that kind of level of freedom? Other kids don't. You can sign out of the group home for an hour, but but you but you you can't go to your friend's house for three hours. Um, they have to come pick you up. You don't have a car, so the complications and normalcy get a little weird. So you're bel I feel belonging, but I'm just not quite there as far as feeling normal. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

That makes a lot of sense. So then at that point, was that when mom's on was it on the track team? Somebody like they decided they could help get you back and forth so you could do more of the track meets?

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Yeah, yeah. So totally, totally. Um, and you know, at the the way that it worked was the group home actually can't provide transportation. Um it's not their job to help. Us run errands. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not dogging on our director or the staff. Yeah. But it verbatim was said, we are not here to help you run your errands. Like we can't just go run around and do things. I agree, actually. I think that's fair that they said that. There's four staff members, there's 20 boys. How could they possibly do this logistically? What if someone said they had to do it every day? I do understand the rule. However, I individually need to get to the bank sometimes. Um, I had a job. Like, how do I get my money to this bank? What do I do with my money? Like, so I understand the point they're making, but you can't just stop there. Like, we can't just say we don't run errands because we do have errands.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Um If you're if you're gonna live if you're gonna grow into being a successful adult, like those are the little things. And I think people who aren't involved in foster at all, foster care or group homes, unfortunately, because the government or a contractor of the government runs these, they're run like a business instead of like a family.

unknown 23:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

And so you don't have you don't have the resources. Right. It was not anybody individually in the home that didn't want to help, but their plates were full.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

Plates are a bit full. How can if there's two staff managing 16 boys in the evening, how can one staff leave to take one kid to the bank? No. Well, they gotta take all four, maybe. Maybe they can take they can split them. Um okay, so we're gonna now get into a van with eight guys to go to the bank for one guy. So it I actually really do understand.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Right. However, but it doesn't set you up for success as an adult. No, it doesn't matter. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

It doesn't give you those, it's those things that parents do because they have yeah, I think that's so and the the the to answer your question, right? Like I need to get to the boys, I need to get to track, but like that falls under the errand running. We can't just get you to track me. And so um three moms step up, one of them is now my current foster mom, and they basically just offer to Uber um back and forth to to track practice into the group home. Now I'm I'm using the word Uber because it's the best way to explain it, but they weren't actually Uber drivers. They just were Of course not. Yeah, they were just like literally driving me. They were drivers for me. Um and it was a joke for them, you know, to be like, oh, we're measures Uber driver, like is an Uber driver.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

No, did they have kids on the track team as well?

SPEAKER_02 24:31

They had nah, no. They actually had no kids going to my high school. Truly.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Did they have foster kids?

SPEAKER_02 24:37

No.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Um, well, how did they learn about you? Like, how did they learn about this situation to put their hand up and say, hey, I'll drive him?

SPEAKER_02 24:44

My caseworker reached out to a foster mom, and the foster mom went to a church and called Brushy Creek, and there was a couple other moms. Um, she kind of said, Hey, like, there's a kid that needs help getting back and forth. It might be something we could do. And the moms were like, Sure. And so I love that the three of them split their their week up. There ended up being one that did it more, and that was my foster mom, Tiffany. So sh and then after a year, um, McKinney Vinto only lasts a year, so the high school wasn't gonna keep me, or the group home wasn't gonna organize the the transportation.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

So it was kind of like So you were gonna have to switch schools at the end of that year.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Yeah, and I really didn't want to. I do think the director was really advocating to not. And honestly, I can't remember if we had got to that point where it was solved, or if the mom essentially just said, We'll take you in. So the the foster mom basically called me one day and said, Hey, it'd be a heck of a lot easier if you just lived here and I didn't have to drive you back to the group home. I said, Yeah, like that would be easier. I'd like to do that very much, and here we are.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Oh my gosh. And so now they're your permanent family, yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Yeah, I'm I think um and the and I didn't know this word, but I think they use it as um permanency. I have found permanency through through non non-adoptive route either. So um yeah, they're my family. We do Christmases, summer, all that.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

I love that. Like legal is one thing, but just heart. Yes, like they chose they chose you, she ubered you around, and then she's like, Okay, come on, you're mine. Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

We're gonna take it. But most moms or foster parents are less likely to consider fostering or opening their home to a teenager. Absolutely. And so we have to be creative in a way to say, how do we introduce these potential foster parents to teens to try a run, if you will. Um and I I worked as a foster parent recruiter. I know for a fact most families are not interested in fostering teens. Um, and so there has to be some creative outlet to be like, how do we actually expose people to teens? Um, that isn't just like saying, Will you take a teenager over the phone as a recruiter? So um that was a unique way to expose them and their family. And then then they realize, oh, this is something we could do for this specific youth. I don't know if they would do it in general, but for me, it were, it was, it was our case and it worked.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

So she's your Uber mom, she's taking you back and forth, you're developing a relationship with her. When she called you and said, Hey, it's just gonna be easier for you to live with us. At that moment, did you feel that there might be some permanency that you might belong there, or was it further down the road when they integrated you into their day-to-day life?

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Yeah. I mean, you're really getting to the nitty-gritty of the story here. And the truth is there was um, and I won't go into this because it's really not important, but there was a middle-aged guy and his wife who had we had met actually, and he was seriously considering an adoption route. Um so he I think they really bonded with me. I really did not know them and did not know they were doing this. They really considered this. Um, and so the plan was behind the scenes was that they would take me in for a time being and then I would transition to live with this guy.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Um wow.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

I was aware that he was interested at this point and that this was going to be a plan. And so I actually went and spent time with the family. And I actually came back after spending like a weekend with him and um his wife. Um, I remember coming back and being like, I have no interest in living with this guy. Like, I please I do not want to leave. I and I told this to my foster parents at the time and was like, hey, like I know this isn't supposed to be permanent, but I really don't want to do that. And that was a bit of a problem because, well, that's not what they were doing. Like, so it's like, oh, so what do we do then?

SPEAKER_00 28:57

And they're like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Our plans are completely different than that. Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

And so um we slowly just kind of hit the hit the point where they're like, okay, look, you can live with us, but if you're looking to live with us, then here's the rules. We've been really lax on X, Y, and Z, but we do have family rules, and we'd like for you to do this with us and come part of this. I mean, they went to a local church, they said we'd we'd love for you to come to church with us. Is that something you're okay with? So I was like, yes, like of course. Um, and so that was sort of the transition, and it wasn't going to be permanent, but it just worked really well. And then I left for college, and then it was like I come back for Christmases, and it was just sort of assumed that I was doing that. I mean, there was never a question of like, show, do I come back? You know, it was you know, we'll see you for Christmas. And I lived there for two years, and then they taught me how to drive. Um, and taught me about investing, um, what do you do with your money, you know? And um yeah, I mean, they they just were for better for better or worse, they became my parents. Um and it was great.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

So I'm curious in in all of my like delving and having these conversations, the reason I have this podcast is to understand belonging. And so at some point during that year, year and a half before you went to college, or maybe when you were in college and you decided to come out for Christmas, like at some point you belonged. You're like, oh, this is where I like I think belonging can shift. I don't think it's always permanent, but I think in this case, you're like, ah, these are my people, like this is my family.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

And I'm curious if there was something that happened or if it was a series of small acts of them showing up for you. Do you have any like does that bring up anything for you?

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Yeah, and look, this family wasn't perfect. And I want to, you know, communicate this to everybody. By no means a perfect family. In fact, I there was one thing that I really wanted them to do that they never did, which was come to my track meet, come support me at races.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

They had no interest in watching track or watching someone. That was really again, they're like, they were like, oh, we don't know how to do that. So they came to like one meet one time. I think that would have really solidified, like, oh, these guys really care. But but they showed up that they cared in a lot of different ways. And I share that story, not to say like they were such imperfect people, but I really mean that was something they could have done better, they didn't do. But like, holy cow, like I I'm really saying to say like they were also really great in so many other ways. And like I'm gonna just paint that picture to say like the bar is not like super high. Uh like you can't. You could have to be perfect. Yeah, you don't have to be perfect. They weren't the best amazing parents. Yes, they were not the best amazing parents, they're just showing up perfectly. So um, and I think the one moment that like really solidified and you just brought it to my head was I was really private about them being my parents, right? Because um, you know, they we look different. Um, my name is is Arabic, like they're they're Caucasian, they're white, they're white Americans. So, like I it's kind of the writings on the wall. If you meet these people, you're gonna know that I'm like in foster care. And I didn't want anybody to know that. And so I was really private about it, which I think internally was creating like distant from distance for myself. It's like I really, yes, they're like foster parents, I feel belonging, but also there's a line here, like, these aren't my parents. Um and they had the idea of doing a high school graduation party. And I said, Okay, sure. And nice we threw a graduation party, and this is the first time that I actually brought friends over to my house, and they met my parents, and none of them really thought much of it. They actually thought were my biological parents. Um and one of my friends um said to my foster dad was like, Thank you, Mr. Abdallah. And he laughed because he's like, he's like, You're welcome. But he didn't say anything to him, obviously. But I think that was one of the moments was like, okay, wait, like, this is fine. These are my parents. Like, people don't know, they don't notice. And they hosted this event for people met them. They I felt like worlds collided in some way, and I was just like, okay, like this is my family. And then and then it was Christmas, and I'm coming back. I think getting Christmas gifts, as simple as that sounds, really didn't have much to ask for. So it was very much like uh, you know, I'm I'm I'm grateful. Um I think just things like that. Um so I guess that was a moment, but it really was also gradual. I mean there might be big moments, but very gradual. I mean, waking taking me to go drive and teach me how to drive and taking responsibility to help me do that was very helpful. Um yeah, I think all of that.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

I just I I love that you brought up that that they didn't have to do everything right, like their hearts were in the right place, that they showed up in the ways that they could and they were consistent in that. And they kept their door open. You know, they didn't like oh okay, you're in college now, bye. They obviously love you very deeply.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

And um they went way out of their way early on when they didn't know you. Driving somebody to and fro two, three days a week, like that's that's a commitment. And I think it's so beautiful that that turned into what will be a lifelong relational love affair. Like it's just so um I hope that your your parents just know how much the ripples they've put out in the world of so much good coming from that. And just the love that they gave, just the being there for someone that you don't have to be there for. Like I believe that as humans we all belong together. We all are each others, and so we miss so many opportunities of showing up for each other, and certainly your foster parents did not miss that. And I I love that. So um, let's move forward. I could just talk to you forever about this. Um, so later on, you started a foundation called Foster the Bear.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

And so the bear's name is Foster, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Yes, right. Foster the bear. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

I love it. Um tell us about Foster the Bear. Tell us about why a bear and what does the bear do, and how are you helping uh youth in foster care? Tell us all about it.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Sure, sure. So thanks for asking. I I'll give you the the story version, which is I went to Clips University um for college and really got invested in learning about entrepreneurship. I didn't actually know what the word meant, so I I couldn't tell you how to spell entrepreneurship or what I was doing.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

I still don't think I can tell you, so it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

I can't. I don't know if I can either. Um I you know, but thank goodness for spell check. Yes. And so I um just got into this program and and thought about like doing something and what can I do? And I wanted to create something I was passionate for. Um, there was a big talk about solving a need. So if you're gonna create a business, you have to solve a need. Um and it actually started as um stuffed animals for environmental purposes, um, which slowly changed and was like, I actually like that, I don't I care a lot about the environment, but I'm not like this. What does it have to do with me? And uh and it actually has a lot to do with me, I will say. But it ended up changing into like, well, I'm actually really passionate about foster care. And it turns out there's a huge need. Little did I know. Like, there are actually 300,000 kids that are in the foster care system. Oh, like some of these statistics are pretty brutal. Who would have thought? Um, and remember talking to peers in college students being like, Do you know about this? It's like, no, like I don't, I'm not even sure what foster care really is. So, okay, so there's this is a well-respected university with smart students. So we don't even really know, like, we don't no one really knows what's going on. And so the question became is there a color for foster care? And it turns out there is, it's blue. And so just like kind of suck on, I said, well, does anybody know this color? And uh lo and behold, I find out very few do. At least many of my friends do not, many of their parents don't. Um, a lot of people who even work in the industry, I find maybe don't even know that there's a color associated. And so um, that's where that dichotomy of like people know about breast cancer. Um, the the pink color for breast cancer is pink. It's pink foster care. Absolutely. There are over 300,000 young people who are involved in foster care um every year. So it's like, how do we, what's happening? Like, it's a mutant, you know, uh, you know, it's so I got a little confused and was like, we we should do something about this. Like, how can we educate people and give them a way to get involved? And so foster the bear at the time started as stuffed animals. Let's um let's give a really cute way to do something that will maybe grab your attention. And what do people love? They love bears, they love stuffed animals. Um, dictating bear. It was a whale, actually, at the time, but the prototype was a whale. And so it was like we were just thinking blue. Um, and then we came to foster the bear. That's really where it was born. It was like, how do we just find a way to raise awareness and make somebody do something?

SPEAKER_00 38:11

I want to stay on the color for a minute and saying, yes, because uh breast cancer has done a phenomenal job of marketing themselves, breast cancer research. Just phenomenal. And everybody knows pink, like the pink t-shirts, pink ribbons, pink everything. And it's funny because I'm I've been in the foster, I've been passionate about it for over a decade. And when I saw your first video, I was like, what does it mean color? I didn't know. I didn't know it was blue. And so you're right, it goes to what I've learned about foster care historically, it was all about hiding it in the shadows. Like back in the street days, like in New York, where there was the street urchins or the street gangs of kids who were orphaned and they would run around and nobody wanted to see them, so they ended up going on the orphan train and getting shipped to somewhere else where they could help on farms. Like it just it went very bad in a lot of ways, as you can imagine. But nothing has truly changed in foster care. Something like breast cancer will affect you at some point in your life for people, you know, who get it. And there's a cure for it, and people go on with their life, and sometimes people may pass away.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

But in foster care, this is something that affects you for the rest of your life. Like, this isn't an illness, this isn't something that could be gone next year that we could now run and celebrate. I survived like foster care is something that affects the very core of like yourself, like your brains are still developing, you're still developing your identity, and it happens at a time when you're most vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01 39:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

And as a society, that's just something that we don't think about. We'll think about when people get sick, we'll think about if there's some disease we can maybe solve, but we don't put nearly enough attention onto foster care and upstream for like what does this lead to? We'll we'll try to fix those things later. Oh, homelessness. Oh, you know, we'll try to anyway. I'm gonna stop there before I go too much on my soapbox. But foster care. So I love that you're like, hey, we need to raise awareness. People need to know that this is an issue that creates lifelong outcomes.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Yes, yes. Yeah, and and I I love what you're saying. And I I've actually debated like what is the reason and how do we get here? And I think part of it, and there's probably a lot of reasons, is is like my story specifically, and and probably a lot of other youth, uh, I was like, I don't want anybody to know. And so consequently, I I think many kids or young people don't want anyone to know. I think foster parents don't want to tell people that they have foster kids because they want to protect them. And so um same for probably a lot of people who work in the space. They're you know, you want to protect the young people that are in there, you don't want to expose them. Um, and breast cancer alternatively is a little bit different because you might reach out to your family, let your friends know this has happened to me. Um, and in foster care, like a young person probably doesn't do that. Probably, probably. I can't pres I can't presume that that's happening to every kid, but and so I think there's just a spirit of like, this is really private and no one should know, which probably is why very few people know about foster care. Um, and so I think that's tan tangibly speaking, like trying to figure out how to solve that issue, which is the whole point of the mascot, is like, hey, is there really a mascot for this? Is there really, you know, sports teams have mascots. Absolutely. Issues like foster care have mascots. Well, like for some reason, no. So that's the idea is truly like, well, how how do we just make a mascot that raises awareness, gets you to pay attention? Maybe it's funny, maybe it's silly, maybe it's um just cute. Um, and so that's really the idea.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

I mean, I think that and probably why foster kids don't say they are, it's that just profound loss of belonging. You know, you grow up, everybody has parents or a parent or grandparents or family. Like family is around everybody somehow. And then when you don't have that, like that's profound. And that while it isn't the children's fault at all, by any, like on any standard, they're the ones that pay the price and they're the ones that have that profound loss of belonging. And so I don't know that anyone would go around and go, gosh, I don't belong anywhere. Like, yeah, no, it's embarrassing. Embarrassing, absolutely it shouldn't be, but yes, I think human-wise, it is. And so I love that you're bringing awareness. Now, are the foster, are the is foster the bear a symbol or a mascot? And do bears get given out, or is it really just a symbol to raise money? And what do you raise money for?

SPEAKER_02 42:57

Sure, thanks. And so and that that's a little bit of going through that story. Is like we said, hey, let's let's create a a bear and we'll raise awareness and educate people this way. Um and alternatively, kind of came to the conclusion that it was like, well, you know, stuffed animals are great, but stuffed animals don't solve problems in foster care, right? Like, this isn't gonna actually um help a child um pursue education by is what we decided, right? We was like, how do we actually help kids truly? Um the program was you can buy a bear for yourself, you can also donate one to a child. So that was a way to help um kids who maybe are coming into care. Um something else are known to help with anxieties a weighted bear. So things like that really helped.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Um, weighted bear.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Yes, that's right. So it we were justified in that way. It was like this is how we're helping, but just started to realize there's actually more we can do with this money, and where should it go? And um really for me personally, I thought education was a great way for me to learn, um, kind of. escape the box, um uh be educated, go get a maybe a good paying job when I get out of school, um escape the cycle, if you will, of um the generational curse that people find themselves in, right, when you come from poverty. And absolutely. Um and so for us, it was like people are really incentivized to help young people, young kids. Um let's use that emotional attachment and support for young children to help older kids. So you can help a little one by donating a bear, which gives us proceeds to help older kids who maybe are trying to pursue education. So how do we help young people escape the the trauma of foster care and maybe falling in the same pattern of maybe their parents before them? Well I think education is a solution not to say college or education is the only solution. I just think it's a part of it.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

Trevor Burrus So the bear, there are physical bears and it goes for the younger kids entering foster care. So they have that thing they can take with them as theirs.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

And the money also goes then for scholarships or for educational purposes for youth who age out of foster care.

SPEAKER_02 45:09

Yep, that's correct. Okay. That's correct. And you could buy one for yourself. So it's like yeah it's like supporting at home if you wanted to buy a bear. They come with like a canvas bag. So kind of like a little bit of the idea too as well as like you know we're giving them to kids how can we put other things in here as well? So people could do drives and so they come like a little canvas bag the bear comes in a canvas bag and then you can maybe add things for a child who's entering the system and we also do Christmas giveaways things like that. So you can actually put multiple things in there but if a kid's just entering the system the thought process is here's a little bag to also give them things they might truly need because they just entered.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

Yeah that makes sense that's just another piece to it not actually super important but it's just another piece. That makes sense imagine foster the bear foundation 20 years from now what do you hope has changed because this little bear exists That's a a fantastic question and my my hope and our literal vision statement is that we just see more kids, more youth seen and equipped right um for for whatever it is that they're doing. So maybe they're entering foster care and they feel seen in that moment. Hey this bear was bought for you I think it'd be a dream to say every kid, right? Like that's the perfect you know execution of the vision is that every kid entering foster care is receiving and being known is being told whether it be through a bear or something else that you feel seen and somebody knows that you're here and this has been purchased for you. So that's a part of it. But also the equipped part is just saying how do we use the level of support that we have from a community to say we were going to help you succeed and whatever that means. I think from the the awareness part because that's a big part of what we talked about is we just have a a a mascot and something that stands for foster care and more people know about foster because of this mascot. And so whatever comes from that we're we're hoping is um is helpful for kids.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

I love that mezh you've you've lived through homelessness, instability foster care and now you're thriving newly married and you're creating hope not just for yourself and your family but you're creating hope for the world you're creating hope for anyone in or go that will be in foster care and how we can have better outcomes and with all of that and already in your young life what does belonging mean to you today?

SPEAKER_02 47:52

It's uh it's I I actually do feel like accepted in in so many places now um and I have so much gratitude because I didn't always feel that um and it for me it used I used to look at belonging like very externally and it was very much like what people were around me and did I have traditions to celebrate. But I I think belonging is really turned more internal for me and it's it's very much like how do I feel about myself and like am I worthy and am I good enough? Um and in such a like not that the world is cruel, the world is kind in a lot of ways but in such a I think um difficult world um we shouldn't always rely on ourselves but also the world is really good about being negative um and with social media and of course all of the things um it can be really easy to think that you're not worthy and so belonging for me is is just like um having a self-assurance that I'm I'm meant for more um that I belong um in general and that yeah I I I think actually I I want to go back to that like that I'm just meant for more. I think belonging for me internally speaking is like I know that I'm meant for more and and I'm worthy. And it doesn't really matter actually now like if there's a specific group that I belong to or not. This idea that I I I am meant for more and I do belong already. I'm already perfectly picked and perfectly made and I don't actually need an external validation. So that's what I think belonging is for me. Um if someone listening or watching the podcast wants to become a builder of belonging in their own community what's a simple thing they could do this week hmm you know I I talk about doing simple things so there's some really simple things you can do like you could you could let people know the color of foster care is blue. You could go down to the local um there might be a group home that's probably close to you in your state or in your city um you could go there and see if you could help in some way you could truly if you want to promote belonging I think you should develop a relationship with a young person. Whether they're in foster care or not I think that is really important that we invest in the people that are around us and especially the younger ones. So you want to promote belonging go make a relationship with a young person.

SPEAKER_00 50:34

Beautiful I love it. We're so grateful that you are here today. Thank you for this really amazing conversation and good luck with uh foster the bear as well we'll we're gonna put all of the resources to Medge below so you can get a hold of him. You can support Foster the Bear Foundation and learn more about belonging learn more about being a foster parent if you're interested learn about you know maybe just driving someone to and from track practice the little things can make a huge difference in this world. So thank you to my audience for being here with us and to our patron of D Laughlin thank you so much for your support of these conversations. Until next time this has been the Belonging podcast by Elevate Village is let's go build belonging together.