The Social Selling Leadership Podcast

Committed, Not Attached: Why the Best Leaders Don't Need the Yes

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Episode Summary

Here's the truth: the most powerful thing you can do in your recruiting conversations, your sales calls, and your leadership—is stop needing the answer to go a certain way.

In this episode, Rachael Bodie breaks down the difference between committed energy and attached energy—and why attachment is the silent force repelling the very people you're trying to attract. She walks you through what "grasping energy" looks like in your DMs, on your sales calls, and inside your team—and what it looks like to lead with full commitment while staying completely unattached to the outcome.

Why You Should Listen: What You'll Learn

  • Recognize Grasping Energy Before It Repels Your Prospects
  • Understand Why Attachment Repels—Even When Your Strategy Is Right
  • Adopt the Thought That Changes Your Posture Immediately
  • See How Attachment Shows Up in Leadership—and the Damage It Does
  • Practice the Committed Leader Framework in Your Business This Week

Resources Mentioned

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the Social Selling Leadership Podcast, the show for six-figure network marketers ready to scale with alignment and simple systems. I'm your host, Rachel Bodie, network marketing expert and industry veteran. Each week you'll learn the strategies and systems top leaders use to enroll high-quality recruits, create duplication in their downline, and lead with confidence. Let's dive in. If you are someone who finds yourself feeling anxious or stressed in the recruiting process because you really want to recruit this person, but you feel like it's taken forever, or it could even be when you're mentoring someone and they have so much potential and you see that potential and you're just, you really want them to be able to achieve what's possible for them, but you find yourself feeling almost stressed or anxious about it. Today's episode is for you. So I was on a coaching call this week, and my client said something about this that I knew I had to bring to the podcast and share with you. Then I sat down to do my quiet time, opened my Bible to Matthew 6.25. And if you're not familiar, that's where Jesus teaches about worry. Essentially, he says, Don't worry. Um, and I had a little note written out to the side. I have a study Bible where you can write notes on the side. And what I wrote was focus on today's tasks and blessings, not here and future possibilities. And it's about active devotion to the work you're called to do while releasing the outcome. Okay, and that's what this episode is all about. So let me give you the backstory on this client and on this concept, what I call being committed, not attached. So my client's a veteran network marketer, she's in her second company, she's been in the business almost close to 10 years, I think about eight years. She's working towards her next big rank in the company, which is one away from the very top rank. And obviously, recruiting is a huge part of that. So she's been in a conversation prospecting the seven-figure leader for the past several months. And this is someone who is a dream team member for her. She's coachable, she's committed, she's obviously had a lot of success in the industry. So this leader finally enrolled after 10 months of prospecting. My client did her onboarding call. She had huge goals. She hit the ground running with these big goals out of the gate. So we're on the call and I'm celebrating with my client. My client said, I don't want to get too excited though, because you just don't ever know how someone will show up. And what I did was I stopped her and I reflected back to her in that moment what she was practicing, which was she was showing up being committed, not attached, committed to this new team member's potential transformation, committed to serving this new team member to what's possible for her, but not attached to the outcome. Aka, what it would mean for her business. And my client, one of the things she's doing so beautifully with this new team member is she's staying focused on her part, taking responsibility for the pieces that she owns, and not trying to force or push or drag. That's what it means to be committed, not attached. Another way to say this is showing up and being dialed in on your effort, on your commitment, on your devotion, but being relaxed with the outcome. I love that word relax. Imagine how different it would feel to show up in your business feeling relaxed. So I was reading another book. I've actually read this book like maybe three or four times. I've listened to it also. It's called The Ruthless Elimination of Furry. If you have not read this book, it is absolutely amazing. It's by a pastor, um, Mark John Comer, or John Mark Comer. Anyway, in the beginning of the book, the author talks about he sits down with one of his mentors, who's one of the greatest theologians of all time, and he asked his mentor, if you could uh describe Jesus in one word, what word would you use to describe him? And he sat and he thought about it and he slowly answered the word relaxed. And you know, I I thought a lot about that since reading that book, and that is something I genuinely aspire to be more of. I want to be more easeful. I want to have more relaxed energy in my business, in my home, and how I show up as a mom, as a friend. And here's what I want you to hear this concept of being more relaxed in your approach, being more committed and unattached, it doesn't just feel better in your body and in your business. It is magnetic. Okay, when it comes to sales, recruiting, and mentoring, the energy of someone who is unattached to the outcome is the most attractive thing in the room. And so that's what we're digging in today. And I want you to even think about different selling relationships you've had. If you've ever gone to purchase something and someone is really there to serve you and genuinely wants to help you, and you don't feel like they are attached to you saying yes, it's a completely different experience. So I want to talk about what it looks like first to be attached. Um, I call this like being graspy, like having graspy energy. Graspy energy is what happens when the outcome, the yes, uh, that person rank advancing, that matters more than that human being in front of you. It can be really subtle and you might not even realize you're doing it. And by the way, as always, I am sharing this from a place of deep understanding because I was very attached for a very long time. And I think it's easy as human beings to fall into the trap of attachment. You may not realize you're doing it, but other people can feel it immediately. Like they can pick up what you're putting down when you're like thinking, oh my gosh, I want to close the sale. So here's what it looks like when it comes to sales and recruiting. This looks like you post something about the business and you immediately are like refreshing the feed to see who liked it, or or even if you post something and you want to see how many views your reels got. Or you're in a brand new DM conversation with someone who would be an amazing business prospect and you're already trying to figure out how to bring up the opportunity. It could look like um you have a dream prospect you're really excited about, and you've already mentally hung your whole month on whether they're this person says yes or not. Or it could be like in a sales conversation and you're trying to say all the right things, but underneath it, you're thinking, I need this person to say yes. I need this, I need this for to hit my goal, I need this for to hit my sales goal. So that's what it looks like in sales and recruiting. But what about in leadership, in mentoring, in leading your team? This looks like maybe editing your team members' content because you feel like your version is gonna help them get better results. Or jumping on every single three-way call just to make sure it quote unquote, quote unquote, goes okay. Or you basically you find yourself doing their work because it's faster and you feel like it's more likely to create results. Obviously, there's nuance here, guys. So helping someone who's brand new out of the gate with content, a wonderful thing. But doing this when someone who's two, three years in the business, it's a completely different ball game. So here's the core distinction. And I want you to really be able to feel this, not just understand it intellectually. Attached energy asks the question, what is this gonna mean for me? What am I gonna make it mean if this person doesn't succeed? What does that mean about me as a leader? Or what am I gonna make it mean about me if she quits? Or what am I gonna make it about what am I gonna make it mean about me if this person ghosts me and ends up saying no uh to joining my team? That's attached energy, committed energy asks different questions. How can I serve this person in front of me? What would change in this conversation if I didn't need anything from her? That's a that's a big one. What does she actually need right now? You know, how can I help her make the best decision for her based on what she told me her goals were? Right? That's what this business is all about. It's helping other people reach the goals that they told they told you are their goals. It's like that zigzigler quote. You help enough people get what they want, you get what you want. So you can see this is the same conversation, but it's completely different energy. And people can feel that difference even if they can't name it. So here's the psychology behind why this matters so much. I'm always so fascinated by sales psychology that we are wired to pick up on pressure. So someone may not be able to tell you exactly what's off, but something feels off, right? They feel like there's an agenda on the call or on the chat. And when someone feels like you need something from them, their instinct is to pull back. Not because they don't like you or because the opportunity isn't good. It's because they feel this subtle sense of pressure. And again, think about your own journey or your own experience when you have been with someone who is pushy or aggressive. I don't know about you, but there have been times when I was ready to buy something and I had actually buying a car once, I had such a negative experience that I just end up leaving and going somewhere different. So the irony here is sometimes the more you push in the from this place of attachment to try and help someone see what you see, sometimes the more pressure you're putting on the conversation. Really, when you think about the purpose of marketing, it's to do two things. It's to create awareness, like help people to uh become aware of who you are and what you do, right? That's all about expanding your network. And then there's part two, which is adding value through serving and building trust. Nowhere in there does it say manufacturing urgency in a graspy way or forcing a conversation before someone's ready, or trying to fast track trust because you want them in by the end of the month. And I see this all the time, especially with clients who are in a rebuild season. You know, they could be doing all the right things. Like they're checking the boxes, they're posting, they're starting new conversations, they're making offers, following up, but there's this desperation underneath that people can sense. And that energy is the thing that's blocking the result. This is not always just about strategy. And this is something that people, I don't really feel like talk about enough. You can have the perfect content, you could say all the right things, you could have a flawless follow-up system and still repel the exact people you're trying to attract because people just don't hear what you're saying. They feel your energy. And attachment has an energy that repels. So, how do you shift this? The shift starts with what you choose to believe because your thoughts generate how you feel. So, if you want to feel differently, you have to choose different thinking, different sentences in your brain to shift the energy that you have when you show up and work your business. Okay, so I'm gonna give you a couple of power thoughts to borrow and practice. Now, these thoughts aren't magical. The key is when you think them, notice how does it feel? Do you feel more grounded? Do you feel more unattached? Do you feel more present, more purposeful? That's when you know you're on to a new way of thinking that can shift how you're showing up, which therefore shifts your results. One of my favorite thoughts on a sales or recruiting conversation, I don't need anything from her. I have everything I need. I don't need anything from her. I'm here to serve her. Here's another one. White people get the best results when I'm not worried about them liking me. I find that one to be especially empowering and powerful when it comes to mentoring relationships. Here's another one. This is a person who needs my help. Now, pause, rewind, and listen again if you need to jot those down. Try them on, practice them. Because here's what I want you to know. When you actually believe these, not as something that you just say without embodying it. And embodiment means you feel it in your body. That's what an emotion is. So, not just something that you say, but a belief you hold, everything changes, your posture changes, your words change, the energy behind your reach outs, behind your mentorship changes. And this is something that I teach my clients about recruiting. When you're in this energy, you're able to focus on the next yes, not this yes in front of you.

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Right?

SPEAKER_00

When we're talking about sales and recruiting, when you need one specific person to say yes, you have lost your power, right? You've put yourself in a place where you need something from them which can create attachment. But when your pipeline is full, when you're in so many conversations that it's challenging to even keep up with all the conversations you have, you stop treating any single person like they hold your future. You stop hanging your hat on that one person. And here is the crazy part about that. That's exactly when people start saying yes. Because what the when you need something from them, you stop serving them. Because you're in this place of attachment. The best recruiters I know and coach, you know, the ones doing 50K months, 80K. I was just talking to a brand new client who she's doing over 100,000 a month. These are the ones who they don't need that answer to go a certain way. They're committed to the conversation, they're committed to helping, they're committed to serving, but they're unattached to the outcome. And I want to say something about this that may challenge you a little. Committed, not attached, doesn't mean you are don't care about that person, right? That's not the same as not caring. It means you're not trying to control the outcome. It's about being relaxed. It's like, I want to give you everything I have, but I'm not gonna white knuckle the result. That is the difference. And I'm telling you, when you get to this place in your business, it is so free, you'll make so much money, and it'll be so much fun because you're you're generating true impact. Now, I want to take this a layer deeper because most people understand attachment in the context of recruiting and sales, but I think very few recognize how it shows up in leadership. And I would argue this is where it does the most damage. So, what does an attached leader look like? You may have experienced this maybe with your uplight, or maybe you can self-identify some of these things. And listen, if you do, there is no judgment here, right? The first step to creating change is creating awareness around some of these things. And as I mentioned earlier in the episode, I did sell a lot of these things, okay? Guilty as charged. So uh we're all learning and growing. So the attached leader, she's afraid her people will quit so she does not tell them the truth. She sugarcoats things. She's afraid they'll be upset, so she doesn't hold a boundary. She's like, Oh, I guess I'll do the call in the morning or I'll do a super late night call. She micromanages because she feels like their results are her results. She drags people along who stopped working because she can't let go. She will continually, if she has a placement sweep, will place people underneath this person when this person is not showing up to do the work. She'll lose sleep over other people's activity. And guys, this is what creates burnout. Ask me how I know. Not because the business is too much, but because this person is carrying weight that was never hers to carry. I ask my clients this question all the time. And this is like one I want you to tune in because this is worth the price of admission here, or this these two questions. Ask yourself what part of this uh mentoring relationship, what is mine to take responsibility for? What is mine to own? And part two, what am I taking responsibility for that's not mine to carry? What am I taking responsibility for that belongs to someone else? So many of us get into this because we genuinely want to impact other people. And inadvertently we start to attach to their results. Now, let's talk about the committed leader. How does she show up? She tells the truth, even when it's uncomfortable. She sets expectations up front so there's no confusion about what her mentorship looks like. A really good idea to do this on an onboarding call. She matches effort, right? She'll run with you, but she will not run for you. She gives you the tools, the systems, the training, the support, but then she lets people own their results. So it goes back to that question: what is mine to own? Because that question changes everything, right? As a leader, you're responsible for the environment, the culture, the systems, the training, but you are not responsible for whether someone chooses to work, whether they choose to use the tools. That belongs to them. And this matters because codependency in leadership is one of the most common reasons I see six bigger network marketers plateau. They're not stuck because they don't have the skills. They're stuck because they're carrying this emotional load for all of these people on their team. And that is the opposite of leverage, right? This creates that plateau. Your best results as a mentor are gonna come when you're not worried about whether people like you, right? When you're not trying to manage their emotions, when you show up to serve them, not to be needed by them. That's a committed leader, and that is true leadership. So I want to bring you back to where we started. You know, that client I told you about at the top of the episode. Here's what she's doing. She's staying in her lane, she's matching effort with this new person or new team member. She's not overattaching to how her recruit's first month goes. That is what committed, not attached to looks like in real life, right? It's not a concept, this is a daily practice. Dial in on the effort, relaxed with the outcome. You control the inputs, you don't control the results. But you focus on the controls, and that's where all the power is. Right. And the sooner you make peace with all of this, the more powerful you're gonna become and the more successful you're gonna become. Because the most effective leaders I know, they're deeply committed to the people they serve. You know, they they're committed to telling the truth, to the mission, to showing up. But they're not attached to who says yes, when they say yes, who stays, who leaves, what everyone thinks of them. Right, guys, that's not detachment. It's not indifference, that is freedom. And that is the reason why so many of us get into this business, not just financial freedom, not just time freedom, but true freedom and autonomy. That's what allows you to lead at your highest level without burning out. So here's what I want you to take into your week. In your next recruiting conversation, ask yourself, am I showing up to serve this person? Or do I have an agenda of what this is going to mean for me? How can I serve this person? And your next mentorship or your leadership interaction, ask the question what's mine to own? What belongs to them? And the next time you feel that graspy energy creeping in, no judgment, just notice it, name it, and come back to I'm choosing committed, not attached. I'm showing up as committed to the transformation, unattached to the result. That's the shift, that's the episode. I'll see you guys next week. If you're a six-figure network marketing leader and you know your recruiting and duplication systems need a revamp, this is exactly the work I do in my private one-on-work chain. I help established leaders become the mentor their dream team is looking for, so that growth becomes duplicatable, scalable, and sustainable without the burnout. If this episode resonated, you can apply for a free mini session using the link in the show notes. We'll look at your current systems and goals, identify what's actually creating the ceiling in your business, and map out the top three ships that will position you to double your monthly income.