The High Price of a Wasted Winter

Most people think hard seasons are something to survive. Something to get through, forget, and move on from as quickly as possible. But the real loss isn’t the adversity itself. It’s going through it… and staying the same.

Pain is expensive. It costs sleep, energy, focus, and time you don’t get back. And if you come out the other side unchanged, you didn’t just suffer once, you paid twice. Once for the experience, and again for the lesson you never took.

In this episode of The Long Game, we explore the hidden cost of wasted adversity and why your hardest seasons are not interruptions to your progress, they are the upgrade. We break down the difference between experiencing pain and actually using it. Between falling under pressure and learning how to harness it. This is about shifting from “Why is this happening to me?” to “Watch what I do with this.”

We go deeper into the idea that struggle isn’t the problem, passivity is. That most people leak the energy that pain gives them instead of converting it into momentum. And that the individuals who move forward fastest aren’t the ones who avoid hard seasons, but the ones who refuse to waste them.

Because adversity is a high-priced ticket. And whether you realise it or not, you’ve already paid for entry. The only question is whether you walk into the room… or stay standing in the lobby.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back. When I first moved to Orlando, there were several reasons at play. One very important one actually, but there was also this. I was done living in the cold. This morning is one of those mornings where I'm reminded of why you put in the hard work. Not for materialistic things, but the beauty of the world. In all of its chaos, and there's plenty of it right now, I personally have grown to love the small details and what's in front of me. Today that is a simple walk for 90 minutes, a coffee in my hand, and a catch-up with a friend back in the UK. And honestly, a beautiful 30 degrees outside. 86 if you uh to my US counterparts. Now, I'm not sure I'll ever convert on that in terms of Fahrenheit and degrees. Um I think I'll forever be sounding like a tourist here in that regard. But today's episode, well, it's a personal one for me, because I've spent many a winter in that regard, both literally back in the UK and metaphorically building to the life I have today, and by no means one that's built, um, but one that's ongoing and a very, very um far way to go. But it's the metaphorical winter uh where I grow most. And there's a specific kind of tragedy that no one talks about in that regard, I think. It's not the tragedy of failing or losing money or watching a plant fall apart. I think the real tragedy is going through all of that, paying the full price, the agonizing price of the struggle, and coming out the other side, the exact same person you went in with. Think about that. You endured the sleepless nights, you took the hits to your reputation, you felt the pit in your stomach every morning for six months. You essentially paid the invoice of pain in full, and then you walked away without the product. You didn't just you didn't keep the lesson, you didn't extract the power from it, you just survived it. And I think I think as I look internally and I think I look externally as well, I think you see a lot of that where people do just survive things rather than trying to extract whatever the lesson was and then use that lesson. And by the way, I'm no means perfect at this. I think I probably go through this every few months where I was listening to a Chris Williamson podcast this morning on Modern Wisdom where they were talking about um beliefs and changing of the beliefs, and um I kind of forget who the the guest was at the time uh of talking about this, but I'm sat there listening to this podcast and I'm going, yep, that's me. That's me, and it's something that I think that I thought that I'd got better at, but I think I'm being acutely aware that actually I'm probably not all that great at it to the level that I want to be at. So I'm exactly the same as you in that regard. So what I'm saying here though is it's essentially it's a double loss. If you're not taking the lessons and you're not extracting the power from from these moments, you're effectively having a double loss. That is the ultimate sin of this. Because pain is an expensive high-octane fuel, and most people just let it leak out of the tank while they complain about the smell of it. Adversity is an absolute terrible thing to waste. So, welcome back to the long game. This is episode 11, the high price of a wasted winter. Today we're gonna look at the ROI of your struggle and why your current mess is actually the most valuable raw material you've ever possibly owned. So, in the last few episodes, we've talked about the price tag of potential and the trade-offs of ambition. But today I want to talk about what happens when life makes the trade for you and when winter arrives uninvited. So I'm gonna keep coming back to that concept of this idea of working in the winter, or as some people might refer to it as um the work that is done in the dark. So there's effectively, I want to bring you to my story today. So over the last 15 years, um yeah, 15 years, I'm 34 now. There's been two big moments in my life that have caused me to rethink and reshape the way that my life has gone, or the direction of my life. There's probably a third one as well I might talk about. But the two that I want to talk about, because I think that they're probably some people will relate to this, both male and female, um, in this scenario. So back when I was 19, I would have said I'd have my first real relationship, right? My first proper relationship. Moved in together, um, we're living together, and two years down the line, found out that that person had been um had been cheating on me. Now, as I say that, there's probably a few of you who've been in that scenario or have witnessed someone else in that scenario. And I don't really want to focus on the thing, i.e. the action here. What I want to think about here is how do we react to these moments? Now, the first time it happened to me, um, I remember I remember sitting, reading the text message that I'd received and to let me know about it, as they'd very kindly done decided to text me it. I laugh now, by the way. But how did I react? So I remember I was in my apartment in Newcastle, and I was read the text, wrote quite a lengthy text, and I remember just reading the text, putting the phone face down, and then just carrying on with my life. Um I think I was probably playing my Xbox or something at the time, and literally just went back to that for the next 20 to 25 minutes, and it's almost like I just refused to process it. I then proceeded to pick up um the cigarettes that were on the counter, so I was smoked at the time, and basically decided to uh just chain smoke for the next 30 minutes. Um then I rang a few friends and decided that right, I'm not sitting here in my misery and I'm going back home. I still hadn't responded to the text by the way at this point. I still hadn't done anything in regards to handling the situation. I just kind of had gone into this weird numb phase. Now, again, why do I bring that up is because of I want to think about the reaction to it and how I use that. Now, in the first instance, I remember I spiraled. And I've told this story a few times to people where I genuinely did just spiral into kind of drink and going out all the time and just making some really stupid decisions, right? Decisions that 34-year-old Luke would not be making today. Um, and I will I'll kind of come to that point. I reacted in a way that I think I probably just thought, screw this, um, I'm going out, I'm gonna go and have some fun, I'm gonna go and enjoy my life, um, and almost live carefree, right? Now, to be fair, um, would I say that like there's not a value to that? It was definitely I um took some value from it in terms of like I just it's what I needed to do at the time, and kind of just I don't know whether it was just a release. But I think the lesson from it is is is how do I react and and how do I in that instance not do that again? And again, but coming up to 12 months now, yeah, something like 12 months, maybe 10 months, um I found myself in the exact same situation after a near nine, ten-year relationship. Again, found out that um my partner had been uh cheating on me and again had the exact same situation. Now the difference was this time is the lessons I'd learnt from the first time I'd brought forward into this one where instead of then spiralling into that kind of chaotic mode and and again, you know, my my health suffered. Um I put on a ton of weight. Um financially wasn't the wisest idea in the world the first time I did it. I definitely um put myself in some positions that I I shouldn't have. But again, this time the next the next time it happened, I decided that I was going to react differently and I was gonna use that fuel and I was gonna use that energy from it to go and kick start what was a major new venture in my life, which is again takes me to present day and where I sit today. I you know, I currently now reside in Orlando, I've got 30-degree weather outside, or 86 as I said earlier. Um I've walked around a lake for 90 minutes, I've had a beautiful coffee, I've I've got a wonderful life, I've met someone incredible, um, I've got just everything in front of me. Now, again, if I'd have used, if I'd have taken version one of that situation, and I would have brought that forward into version two of when this happened again, and I'd have done exactly the same thing, I wouldn't be sat here today. I wouldn't have put myself in these positions to be able to take the opportunity that was afforded to me and and the life that had been built for me. So I genuinely do believe that there is a huge value in all of us being able to understand and learn the lessons that have sometimes been forced upon us and make sure that you take those lessons forward to get to the next level in your life and use it again as a fuel to to to to to just build something more incredible and build a life that actually that you want. And if you change the narrative from who or why me did it happen to me versus I'm almost thankful it happened to me, um I think you'd be in a better position. My the first person that I referenced to this happening, I remember seeing them years later, and and I generally did say I said thank you to them. I said thank you because had they not have done that, then I wouldn't be in the position I was at the time to then take the next opportunities. And respectfully to the second person that that's referenced in these stories. I generally think that if I saw them again, and no, the likelihood is I probably won't, but the if I do ever see them again, I think I'd say exactly the same thing, which would be thank you. Um because without those moments and without those situations happening to me, um, I would have never been where I am today. So the reality of that is is um you've got to take the lessons, you've got to take the power that comes from those moments to go and build a to go and build something greater at the end of the day. Um as I said in a previous episode, most people don't want to tear the roof off so that they can build the next few levels of their story, and I think this is exactly the same. So the problem with it really is, I think is most of us have been conditioned to treat a hard season like a storm, we just need to hide from. Um we hunger down, we hold our breath, we pray for normal to come back. But here is the truth, I think, of it. Normal is what got you into this mess. If you return to exactly who you were before the floor dropped out, you haven't won, you've just delayed evolution. So today we're going to look at something called the anti-fragile mindset. And it's the idea that some things don't just survive disorder, they require it to grow. Like a forest fire that needs the wind to spread, or a muscle essentially, that needs to tear to expand. The core idea today is very simple. We spend our lives planning for the harvest, but we waste the winter. And the winter is where the real architecture of your future is built. Because we have to face this, you can't reach a level of success your current character can't support. You cannot reach a level of success your current character can't support. So if you're feeling the stretch or the burn of adversity right now, it isn't a sign that you're doing it wrong. It's a sign that your current operating system has reached its limit and the universe is forcing an upgrade on you. Nasim Talib would say this. He would say that the goal isn't to be robust, to just stand there and take the hits. The goal is to be anti-fragile. That's where that anti-fragile mindset comes from. To look at the chaos and say, thank you for the oxygen. So, like I said, thank you for the lessons I learned here to take to the next stage. In jobs, it's exactly the same, and in life, it's exactly the same. So let's look at the actual architecture of what this friction's built on and what the anatomy of a wasted winter will look like in this kind of pattern. So we have this normal instinct to hold our breath, right? And we think that, like I said, if I can just make it to Friday, and if I can just get this project launched, if I can just survive this quarter, things will get back to normal. But normal is a dangerous word. Normal is the person you were before you were tested. And if you go back to that person, you've essentially failed the grid. You're repeating a year of your life. Now, you then find in those situations that 20-year-old you is still the same version in terms of your character, in terms of your belief, in terms of your attitude and your standards and how you move and make decisions and how you deal with situations as you were in your 30s and in your 40s and in your 50s. You see, the pattern of the waste of the winter is something like this. It looks like shock, survival mode, and then amnesia to the thing that actually happened. So you get hit, you hunger down, and the moment the sun comes out, you forget everything that the call taught you, and you leave the wisdom in the snow. It's the best way I can give you to that, give you that analogy. You leave all of the wisdom in the snow so that when the sun comes out, you go back to the exact same thought process, the exact same patterns that you performed before. So to break that pattern, we have to move into what I would call the extraction phase. Now, the extraction phase, you can look at something almost at the front end of it as like an adversity audit. And what bricks are we going to take from the rubble when we tear it down to get to the next level? So, how do you perform an adversity audit? What are the specific bricks, I think I would say, that you are taking from this to build your next house? So I think you want to start to look at these things. What got me into this situation? So I read a fantastic book that I've shared now multiple times with called The Courage to Be Disliked, and it is um based on the Adelyrian um philosophy. And I think if I was to really, really simplify it, it is essentially this you are in control of absolutely everything that happens because you ultimately made the decision. You ultimately made the first move. So I'm gonna say this, right? I I've mentioned these two stories now before there is a very real process that could go through in that situation for many people to go, poor me, why me? There it's their fault. Now, in some regards, it absolutely is, right? In some regards it is their fault, right? Because they they they did the action. But if I actually play all the way back, I was the one who committed to that first. I was the one to make the decision to bring that person into my life. So therefore, ultimately, if I play all the way back, 10 years ago, there was a decision made that I could have not brought that person into my life. Now, hindsight's 2020 and it's wonderful. But what I'm trying to get at here now is what are the lessons that I can take from it, i.e., is there anything that I saw in them at the very start of it? Is there a personality trait? Is there something that was said? Is there something in the way that their actions could possibly tell me? Now, again, you could say hindsight's 2020 and it's it's too hard to kind of work that out. But the reality is you've got to look for the lessons, you've got to look for the power that comes from that. You've then got to look, I think, at then what needs to strengthen at the core to survive it again. So, again, what needs to strengthen at the core of you to survive what you have just been you have just gone through, what adversity you've gone through. And then finally, what lessons can I learn so I can negate it next time? So let me bring all that back together. The adversity audit. How can you go from the extraction phase into the adversity audit to make sure that you cannot go through this again, you can extract the power from it and go into a better version of you for the next time. Version 2.0, version 3.0, 4.0, 5.0 to get to the point of where you actually are a full, full product, a full software upgrade that actually can achieve these things. And that's what I think. Where if you look back on the adversity audits, I think it's a great, great tool for you to better when you go through a moment to really sit and take stock. Was it me? Was it them? What beliefs can I look at? What what needs to strengthen at me so I can go through this again? I don't want to go through it again, but I'd be naive to think that it might not happen again. What lessons can I learn so that I can negate it next time? And that's not really just some like mumbo, jumbo, positive thinking, or some motivational poster, by the way. There's a genuine biological and psychological mechanism at play here, right? So psychologic um psychologists call it a post-traumatic growth. So you've all heard of PTSD. This is called post-traumatic growth. And it's the phenomenon where the break doesn't just heal, it reinforces. So it's like the callous mind that David David Goggins talks about this as well. So you don't get that from reading about it, you get it by the friction of the struggle, by living the experience and ordeal. So you have to live and experience the ordeal for you to learn the lessons from it. If you don't learn the lessons from it, then you will never grow. But if you do, you become a machine essentially that can't be stopped. Because now the harder it gets, the more you fuel you feel you're getting. So now all of a sudden I'm going almost, I want the adversity, I want the hard times, because that allows me to then get to the next level. I want the breakup, I want the friend that disagrees with me. I think that's by the way, one of the best ones is find someone who disagrees with you. The very, very small, very simplistic way of doing this, but find people who disagree with you. So then I can learn the lessons and I can negate it next time. So I can get better at my belief system, I can get better at understanding the problem or the challenge at hand. So the wit the winter isn't stopping your progress, the winter is the progress. The winter is absolutely the progress. And every time you go through it, you thank the adversity, you thank the moment that it happens to get it. Now, again, let me put a little caveat on that, because I understand that in the times you go through an emotional process, and it's hard to get out of the emotional process. But again, as you go through lessons, you learn how to get through those emotional processes much quicker in a more beneficial way. So, again, I give you my personal example. The second time it happened, I remember I actually went back into work and just carried on with my day for a few more hours, processed it, spoke to my boss, went about and handled it. Again, I wouldn't have had that if I hadn't had the first scenario. So I always thank the situations to get me to that point. You see, the warning I would probably give you here is that the long game of all this doesn't let you skip chapters. So it's not like a book that you can just flip to the end, read the last page, and then go, hey, I know everything that's happened. Because if you don't consciously accept that winter and extract the lesson, one of two things is going to happen, I believe, to you. Number one is you stay the same person while carrying the heavy scars of the event. You essentially have PTSD without the post-traumatic growth. Or two, you went through a cycle of stagnation tax. The universe is a very patient teacher. It will send you, keep sending you, sorry, the same problem in different outfits until you finally learn how to solve it. How many of you, right now, after I've just said that, have just started to relive where you go, why me? Why does it always happen to me? The reality is, is because 90% of us is because we brought it on because we didn't learn the lessons from it before. So if you're dealing with the same adversity today that you were dealing with three years ago, it's probably not bad luck. It's a wasted winner. So here is your audit for the week, I would say. Take a look at your current mess, the thing that's keeping you up, the thing that feels like a detour, and stop trying to fix it or escape for just five minutes. Instead, look it in the eye and ask, what does this make possible that comfort made impossible? Comfort makes you soft, comfort makes you blind. This winter has given you a clarity that a summer afternoon never could. Don't throw that away. Don't just survive the season, own the season. Extract the value, build the next version of yourself with the bricks this winter provides. The long game isn't played, or sorry, is played, by those who know that the frost isn't the enemy. It's the preparation for the harvest. I'll see you all in the next one.