Why Your Fear of Confrontation Is Keeping You Stuck in Life

Every time you stay silent to "keep the peace," you are actively starting a war inside your own mind. You aren't avoiding a fight; you're just scheduling a massive explosion for five years down the road. If you can't handle the minor friction of an uncomfortable two-minute conversation today, you are voluntarily signing up for a catastrophic blindside tomorrow. Most people are drowning in life not because they hit a massive iceberg, but because they ignored 1,000 tiny leaks.

In this episode of The Long Game, we dissect the "chill" sickness—the dangerous modern trap of avoiding conflict to protect a fake version of peace. Whether it's a boundary you refuse to set with your partner or a daily slip in your own habits, choosing a microscopic dose of comfort today guarantees long-term resentment and structural collapse tomorrow. We break down why true relationship satisfaction and self-mastery require you to choose the discomfort of a 10-second call-out over the bankrupting interest of unsaid truths.

We dive deep into:

• The Mechanics of the "Mini-Fight": Why real-time boundaries and calling out problems in a 2-minute window prevents long-term devastation.
• The "Roommate" Trap in Relationships: How avoiding small friction transforms passionate modern dating into polite, poisonous resentment that explodes over a fork in the sink.
• The 18-30 "Chill" Sickness: Why the obsession with being liked and "keeping things chill" is a absolute death sentence for personal growth and career development.
• The Internal Mirror: How letting yourself off the hook 1,000 times in a row means losing the daily mental conditioning battle with your own potential.

Stop protecting illusions. The truth doesn't break things that are real; it only breaks things that were already hollow. If you refuse to have the 1,000 mini-fights, you are signing the contract for your own misery, one unsaid truth at a time. It’s time to pay the small tax of daily friction, face the self-confrontation, and clean the windshield before you crash the car.

Listener Notice: Don't forget, the second-ever The Long Game Q&A is coming up fast! If you are feeling stuck in life, struggling with habit formation, or trying to navigate high-friction boundaries in your career or relationships, we want to hear from you. Submit your questions or hot topics now, and we will break them down live on the pod.

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Transcript

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We are back. We are back after what is now three weeks away. We're back and we we're live and we're we've got a good run now through till the end of the year and I've been away on vacation over the last couple of weeks and been away with work which is really where a lot of this episode is gonna gonna focus on because I've done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks of where I'm at in life and my relationship and just kind of a little bit of a a learning process over the last couple of weeks of of where I've been at and just kind of what what about and what kind of whereabout is I turned 35 as well during that time. I've had a birthday, so yeah, a lot of cool things have happened over the last three weeks. So we're back, and I'll give you a little bit of context. So I headed back to the UK um for an event. We host an event in Chelsea and London, and we do this, we do one every summer. And one of the cool things about my job and where I work with Paul Goff is the fact that I get to go to some amazing football stadiums, it's a big part of our UK kind of tour, if you would put it that way, for events is we do football stadiums. So you know, I've had the pleasure of going to the likes of Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, we've been to Chelsea, Liverpool, small town of Hartlepool United, where our officers are in the UK. But it's always cool to get to go there to see the history and to see how they showcase the success and showcase that history around because everyone does every one of these clubs does a fantastic job of that. And it really does just kind of open your eyes into the longevity of what these clubs have been able to achieve and the lessons that you can bring forward for people and businesses and your own personal life of the journey that you're going on in life as a you know as a solo human being, put it that way, rather than just a big you know, major football club. And like I said, the way that they actually put these moments and celebrate them and turn them into stories and romanticize about the past and and what they've been able to achieve. It's really cool to be able to get to see that and so many people who've impacted that journey and along the way. And I think there's definitely a few lessons in your own personal life that if you could kind of step back and see those moments in history of great times and the fun that you've had and the great experiences you've had with those people. I think yeah, I think you'd you'd probably view your life a little bit differently in the way that you do that. And if people told the stories around you as well and you kind of had almost like a this is your life moment, but a little bit earlier in it rather than getting to the end. Yeah, I think you see some amazing things and you would see your life a little bit differently. But that's not really what today's about. But to give you to carry on with the the theme of the story, we I then was on holiday to celebrate my birthday a little bit, but also to go and meet Sarah's parents. So I travelled to Germany, to Heidelberg, fell in love with it. The moment that I stepped foot in Germany and got to Heidelberg, I think I fell in love immediately. I was talking about this with Sarah last night about the moment that kind of really, really did fall in love was when we actually stepped about 15 minutes outside. We were visiting her parents and we were at a house that they'd just bought, and I stepped into the balcony and just overlooked a lot of you know some beautiful scenery and fields, and yeah, just immediately fell in love with the place. I think that was really the defining moment for me. But it was amazing to meet her family, a wider family, a very big family. Met a sister who who got engaged, and then we headed back to the UK to meet my parents, and that was really cool to get to go to High Force to meet my parents and to introduce Sarah to my friends as well was fantastic. We went to York Racers, and just to step back a little bit and really get to have a look at that in life of we get to do all that stuff and we get to have a wonderful life like that. It's just pretty amazing that when you actually look at that, you know, to be able to go to Germany and visit places like Heidelberg and meet so many incredible new people and getting exposed to that and to introduce era to some incredible people in my life as well. It's it really is a blessed life that we we've built and we've lived and very early in the phases of all that. But yeah, it's it's just generally amazing to get to experience that and I don't know, I just feel very, very fortunate. I don't know that I don't really like the word lucky. I think I've said that a few times to to say that I am lucky because I think a lot of it is your proximity to opportunities that you keep placing yourself in. But yeah, I do feel very, very fortunate. I think is probably the better word to be able to live this life and to get this and just all the things that are to come in in life because of the choices that have been made, and again some difficult choices, some hard things that I've gone through to get to that point. But ultimately, you look back now and you see all those little moments and where they've led you to today, I think is pretty special and very fortunate. So yeah, just a little I think a little moment of gratitude on my part for where I'm at in life, and it's all these times do I think generally do lead me to a little bit of self-reflection of where I'm at and what I've learned and those lessons that I've gone through, and I think that's really where today stems from and and the conversation that I want to have today. And I think as I as I made my notes on on the podcast and the show, the big thing that I came back to was why why your fear of confrontation is keeping you stuck in life. I've I've experienced this myself for for a long, long time, and I've fought against it for a long, long time, and will continue to fight against it because I think it's a critical part of where a lot of us get stuck in life, and that's kind of what I want to dig into. But before I do, next episode, episode 20 on the podcast, another little mini milestone, if you will, since starting this journey last year, maybe early this year, I can't remember when I started it, to be honest. But we'll get to episode 20 and 20 episodes in. So we're going to do another QA session. So if you do have any questions, you do have things that you want me to answer, if some topic has hit a nerve and you want to talk about it. Last time we had a few personal scenarios that um came in that we got to talk about, send them in because it's really cool just to kind of get to to talk about them and to see what you guys are what you guys are hearing and what you guys are going through in life and if there's anything that I can do to help. And it reminds me of when the first time I did it, I'm in episode 10 when someone said, Who are you to to give advice? So maybe it's dedicated to that person, episode 20, and I'll keep doing them because I do, I love them, and the inspiration, or uh again, I always love to give my the give flowers out when when I can. The inspiration came from uh Chris Williams and really listening to his and watching his journey through podcasts and how he does his and again I just they they're honestly some of my favourite episodes is when he's talking with the community that he's built and the people that he's around and just to kind of get real deep because it's great to have the interviews and the people and the episodes and you know so many cool people that do come around in those sides. I think though when it gets personal and like in how do I say this? I say the word real people, um I don't I don't mean it in such a demonstrative way as I as I do, but I generally do love that of like the the day-to-day, the nine of fivers, the the people who are really living life and do have those challenges. We all have challenges, but I think the more the one that are in the majority rather than the one that are in the you know the the minority, and that's not to say that you know these guys don't deserve it, because they are they've built lives and they've done incredible things to get there, but I do think there's a there's a genuine enjoyment to helping people at that level, and that's something that I really kind of cherish and think of and thrive in. So we'll dig into the episode. That's enough of me for eight minutes rambling, ten minutes rambling before we get kick off. So, why your fear of confrontation is keeping you stuck in life. So, think about the last time your partner did that one little thing that annoyed you, right? Or the moment you realised that your daily habit was slipping and you didn't really say anything, you rolled your eyes, you bit your tongue, and you told yourself, ah, it's fine, it's not worth the drama, or hey, I'll get it tomorrow, or I'll get it next week, or I'll hey, I you know, the easiest example is I'll start the diet next week, right? You thought you'd be in the mature person in that moment, or that you just, you know, you've you've got it in hand that you're in control of this situation, but the fact is you you weren't in control, and nor were you being mature, you were being a coward, and you chose ultimately what was a microscopic dose of comfort today in exchange for a massive catastroph, catastrophic divorce, breakup, or personal breakdown five years from now. So Jordan Peterson talks about this. Is where I first got this concept and this idea of which is I'd rather have a thousand mini fights than one major fight. He talks about it very much in the concept, majority of his his personal life in terms of with his wife and relationship, and that's where I really first kind of understood the concept and the idea and brought it into my relationships and and life. But I've honestly found that I've used it in every aspect of my life now, which is I'd rather have a thousand mini-fights with myself than one major fight. I'd rather have a thousand mini fights with my partner than one major fight. I'd rather have a thousand minifights with my friends than I would one big one, right? And the reality of all that is, is that for me, I find that that's the best way to live because I find that if not, I end up with the explosion rather than these little controlled moments that actually we can deal with in the time. And that's really what today hopefully you get out of it, is that the end of it is how do I get to the end of this? And how do I get a more controlled life based on confronting situations that help me move forward, whether that be my personal life, whether that be in relationships, wherever that may be, I want to know that in those situations you can control it, that you can get to that next phase of life rather than having those huge catastrophic moments where everything feels like it's breaking down around you. And I think, at least from my personal circumstances and my personal history on this, is that I've found that I deal better when I have a thousand mini fights and I have those little moments where I have to fight those things rather than having the huge breakdown where you can feel yourself spiralling in the moment, whether that's at night, whether that's before you've gone to sleep, or you're at work and it's all breaking down around you. You see, that as I've as I see it, most people are drowning in their lives, not because they hit a massive iceberg, but because they've ignored the thousand little tiny leaks in their life, and that's exactly what we're going to talk about today, and hopefully get a little bit away from it, and hopefully give some actionable steps of how we can navigate this. So I want to talk to the 18 to 30 crowd, right? Now, I preface this as the 18 to 30 crowd as I when I talked about this. Now, the reality is you could be 16 and listening to this, you could be 45 and listening to this, you could be 60 and listening to this, right? But I focused on this area, right? Because number one, it was very pertinent to me and my experience of life of like how I got to this point, and I think that's really where the aim is. But again, I think anyone could be going through this phase in life, right? And it could be that you're doing it later in life rather than earlier in life. I called it the 18 or 30 phase. The reality is for you, it could be you right now. But I think when you're in this phase of life, you're building ultimately the foundation of everything, right? Your career, your long-term relationships, your baseline identity ultimately, right? Now, again, for some, you might be recreating your identity. But because everything is new, you naturally want to avoid rocking the bot, right? You want to be liked, you want things to be chill, like let's say. Now, the problem is with chill in quotation ma is it's an absolute death sentence for growth. Now, chill means you don't address the fact that your partner, for example, constantly deprioritizes you, or that the fact that your friend constantly overlooks you when making decisions, or that at work, the thing that your co-worker does or that your boss does is constantly the thing that's going to drive you, by the way, to constantly just giving up ultimately, right? And then you find that the the thing that was actually a career pathway for you because the j the company was good, it was just the person was bad, you suddenly throw away. Chill means you don't confront yourself when you miss the gym, by the way, also four days in a row. Yeah, you can be pretty chill about it until you suddenly start looking and you don't recognize the person in the mirror, right? Chill is a sickness in this uh in this instance, right? And the problem is that the reality of friction is that life demands maintenance. So you either pay the small bill, the small tax, if you want to put it of that way, of your daily friction, or you pay the bankrupt and interest of long-term devastation. Put that into context. You either pay the small little bill today, or you let it build up and suddenly becomes impossible to pay. So you have to pick your poison. The discomfort of a 10-second call-out or the agonizing weight of long-term resentment. Which one do you choose? And again, to to before I get into go further with this, right? This is a huge part of my life. That's why I'm so passionate about this. That's why I wanted to talk about today, is because everything I've ever done in life, I said that I've got through a lot of self-reflection in time away. And for me, that self-reflection came in where I was in life. The fact that I get to travel to places like Germany, right? Now, it might not sound like crazy or anything like that, but I get to go and visit somewhere like Heidelberg, meet some incredible human beings. I get to bring my better half to meet my parents, and we then get to go and fly back to Florida to go and live in what is beautiful sunshine by the pool, and ultimately, like you're looking at that life, and I'm going, that's being caused, right? That cause was because of the fact that I had so many little mini fights along the way in my life over the last decade and 15 years. That's the reality of it. I didn't get to live in Florida because of just one lucky strike. I got to do all of that because I've constantly fought the thousand mini fights in my life. If someone's upset me, I've told them. And if someone has pissed me off, I've told them. And if I don't agree with something, I've told them. And if I don't feel like you're prioritizing something that I think should be a prioritize priority, I'm telling you. And that's by the way, that's not to mean that I always have to be right, but it means that if it's something that's causing me an internal strife or an internal battle, I'm gonna call it out. Because if not, that internal battle is just gonna compound me with multiple little moments that are effectively gonna have me blowing up once that but kind of reach my limit on it. You've you I guarantee you've experienced that in your life and in your relationships, where you choose not to have the argument and you choose not to say something, and then all of a sudden you you get into an argument, and the next thing you know is that all of these lists of things, these 15 to 20 things have just suddenly come out. I'm positive I've mentioned this before, and again, I I'm gonna go to town now here and I'm gonna go to bat for women, right? Who always get told that, oh well, you know, they always just bring up all this history, right? I'd argue there's this, right? They're right to do it, but the problem is because they've probably not had the arguments, right, of when it's come out. And it's the same for men, by the way, is that every relationship it's put on women, but it's not right because it's on men men and women, right, who do this. That what you do is you don't actually argue, or you don't have the conversation at the time when the problem actually arises, and then what ends up happening is right, both of you end up coming out with this list of 20 things that's pissed you off. And the real and honestly, that's the problem is that you don't face it up at the time, you don't have the conversation at the time of when the problem's happening, and then you both get into an argument, and both of you have just listed off 20 different things that both of you are unhappy about, and next thing you know, one user's moving out, and you're breaking up. And everyone goes, I wonder what went wrong because those guys were so good together. The challenge was that they weren't willing to confront things. Now maybe they weren't the best for each other, but the challenge the problem was they weren't willing to confront things, and I think that comes from both personally not willing to do it. Not one or the other, but both of you weren't willing to confront it at the time. That's the same at work, by the way, and that's even more so when it comes to your own personal relationship with yourself. You constantly need to have those disagreements. I don't want to go to the gym today. Guess what? If you don't do it multiple days in a row, you're gonna lose your progress, you're gonna lose the momentum that you've gained. You don't want to eat healthy, well, great, don't argue it for the next four or five days, see what happens. You don't want to save money, you don't want to be careful with your money and how to invest it and how to make it grow and how to do all those things, that's fine, but see what happens later down the line. All of these situations are little mini disagreements that you need to be having or should be having with yourself. And when you're quote unquote chill with it, well then that's when life starts getting rocky later down the line. Because you you're literally heading for, as I mentioned before, you're heading for the iceberg. So what does it actually look like though, right? Because you know, it's easy for me to sit there, right, and talk about big pictures. What does it actually look like? So the mini fight isn't really a screaming match, right? I would call it real-time boundary setting. Yeah? It's real-time boundary setting. That when so when I say have a thousand mini fights, not one big fight, is what I'm saying is set some boundaries. So to give you to give a context, when a child is born, they have no idea of any boundaries. And a child's first few years in life is literally setting boundaries and it's pushing them and seeing how far they can go. With a parent with a child, the child is always pushing the boundary to see how far they can get to before they get their hand burnt. And we all do, by the way. The the best example of it is the situation when you go, you know, this hot flame, right? And no child knows inherently that that fire is hot, but when they start putting their hands towards it, they get the feeling. Now, some will go further than others. But what they're effectively doing is doing real-time boundary settings and learning life lessons, and that's exactly the same in this. And you go through for some reason, we believe that as a child we stop and we almost like stop this idea of like boundary setting, it's happening everywhere. New relationships, new friendships, new jobs, new ways of working in your own personal life with working out or diet or personal development, they are all boundary setting for yourself to see how far you can push them. Now, others, you might have a shorter boundary that needs pushing. But that only comes from discontent and discomfort of actually challenging it, right? So, in the example of a, you know, let's say it's a friendship, right? It's something like this, right? You feel disrespected. Instead of actually walking away, right, and then texting your friends or whatever, right, to say, oh, so-and-so disrespected me, right? And I'm upset by it. Instead, it's doing this. Talk to the actual person and say, hey, when you said that in front of our friends, it felt disrespectful. Can we have a conversation about how we can not do that again, please? Again, it's not about not doing it, right? Because the reality is you're not always going to be right. You you your feelings might be right, but you might also have misconstrued a situation. So I don't say to go in with it of, hey, don't do that again, because the reality is that the intention on the other part may have just been misinterpreted. I'm a big advocate and you need to understand the intention before you actually have a go at the action, right? So that's where I say instead of saying don't do it again, let's have a conversation about it and help me understand how you're thinking about something versus how I'm thinking about something. Because again, I could be thinking about things with the purest of intention, and it's just been misinterpreted, I've miscommunicated it, I've done something wrong, and therefore, well, great, you've brought it to me that you felt disrespectful, disrespectful. Actually, it's learning for me to get better at communication with you, and for you to understand you to actually you've had the fight to know that actually I wasn't doing it intentionally, I was doing it with the right intentions to help you, okay? So I think that's what definitely one way of looking at it. Or if if it's your personal situation, it's looking in a mirror and saying, Well, you're looking a little bit soft today, or you know, respectfully, you're looking a little bit chubby or out of shape and you're slipping. So you need to put the phone down and you need to get yourself to a gym and you need to eat better today. And it's not because, oh well, I'm so far down the line I can't change anything. Well, in actual fact, you can't. The problem is you're choosing not to, yeah? Because you're comfortable, and comfortable is nice and it's easy, and that's exactly what you want. So think about it this way, right? Think about it in two-minute windows. So if a problem takes less than two minutes to call out and deal with, and you don't do it, then you're actively validating it, and you're actually teaching your partner, your friend, your life, or worse, your own brain, that their bad behaviour or your bad habit is completely acceptable. Next thing you know, these dopamine patterns are knitted together in your brain, and the next time that you come across this situation, you've just made it easier for you to say yes to comfortable rather than discomfort and action in it. I just recently spoke about this with Sarah. We did another podcast before this, and I talked about this as being a 10-year journey of me of constantly having these fights with myself, with other people. Not in a way just to be argumentative and be disruptive, but I need to be happy in my life and I need to know that everything's being done, or that I can at least understand it so that we can both understand each other. My wholehearted being and thought is that we are here to walk alongside each other, not to constantly be changing each other, to walk alongside each other. And how do we constantly? Constantly pull each other forward. Sometimes that comes from discomfort, sometimes that comes from cheerleading. Knowing the moment is I absolutely right. But in this situation of what we're talking about, I'm talking about being discomfort in discomfort. So let's look how this plays out in modern Dayton, right? So I love this idea, right? Because again, I think it shows up perfectly. But let's look at in modern Dayton, right? So couples don't usually break up over one massive dramatic event, right? Circa, let's say, argument, you know, there are there is some anomalies to this, but in 90% of the cases, it's not one massive dramatic event. They break up because they stopped having the mini fights, right? And they've accumulated a mountain of unsaid things. And eventually you aren't partners anymore. You're just polite roommates harbouring acquired, poisonous resentment. Then one day, someone leaves a fork in the sink, a massive screaming match explodes, and the relationship ends over a fork. It was never about the fork. It was about the 999 mini fights that you were too scared to have that created these massive resentment gaps between you. And it was never about it. It was always about the first thing was because you left the wash in it. Or the first thing was because actually it was the way that you handled a certain situation, or it was the fact that you, you know, I don't know, you didn't hold the door open for me when I was walking through it. Small little details, and I'm not saying that everyone has to do that, but if it's important to you that that is how you're treat and that is how you see respect, then it's important to have that conversation with your partner to best understand if we're in aligned with each other, or actually, is there something that's in it's easily a change? Because to me, especially in a romantic relationship, if you have that inherent feeling of like a relationship and you want to be with them and you want to be the best version of yourself and you want to respect them and love them and do everything that is in the relationship, then there's things that you're going to want to adapt to. Not because you have to, but because you want to. But if the person doesn't have the opportunity because you didn't want to have the fight, then they can't possibly become that version for you. And that's not to say that you're trying to change them, that's to say that you're giving them the opportunity to decide if they want to change their behaviors for you. Again, not saying people have to change for each other. Well, my point here is saying give me the opportunity to know if that's something I want to do or not. Because if I have if I am in if someone's in love with you, right? And like that chemical reaction and everything that is in that relationship, they have the give them the opportunity to have that situation to go, great, do I want to change this or not? And if they do, great, they will. But if they don't, well, that's a different conversation. But to me, you can't hold back the discomfort because not what number one, you're only causing yourself discomfort, right, from having the conversation. But you're also not giving me the opportunity, right, or the respective partner, the opportunity to actually change or handle the situation because you held it back because you didn't want to have the fight and you didn't want to feel a certain way, or you thought that I would handle it a certain different way. Well, one, don't make assumptions for your partner, right, in that regard, and also allow them that that chance to change, right? Allow them that chance to have the discussion and know if that's a point that we want to work on. And that's where I see most things changing, by the way, right? Is most people don't fail because of any other reason, right, in relationships. 90% of them because of that. Because a lot of resentments build up over a period of time and then nothing changes, and then all of a sudden, oh well, he's lazy or she does this or he does that, whatever, right? It was never about that, it was about those little moments that could have changed. And if they want to change, and that's the person, because you got into a relationship with the person, that personality, and who they are, right? That person has the ability to change. So do you. And that's where I think this shows up so much. But let's let's flip this now, right? And let's talk about yourself. And this is where I'm gonna bring it back to the very single mind. So I talked there about relationships, I've talked about the couple, I've talked about the confrontation between one another and the opportunity to do that. The most dangerous person that you are gonna lie to is the one that stares back in the mirror. And you don't wake up one day suddenly broke, out of shape, and lonely. That is a concerted effort, and take that the right way. You have made a genuine, concerted effort of life choices to wake up being broke, to being out of shape, to being lonely, and to being miserable. Now, caveat, let's take away the medical issues, let's take away those who are chemically imbalanced, though with a depression and anxiety, who've genuinely got those issues. Nope. Again, I'm that I'm not speaking to those people right now. What I'm speaking to is those who sit there and literally wake up with no money or wake up with a miserable job, don't like life, hate everything about it. Every part of that has been because you decided that that was what your life was going to be. Take that the right way. Some people get dealt bad hands, absolutely, but there's also ways to change it. You see, you get there by letting yourself off the hook a thousand times in a row, which means I'll start tomorrow, it's just one cheat meal, I'm too tired to get up. Every single one of those is an excuse. Is you losing a mini fight with your own potential. And if you don't have the discipline to fight your own laziness at 7 a.m., you'll lose the war of your life by 7 p.m. Let me say that again. If you don't have the discipline to fight your own laziness at 7 a.m., you'll lose the war of your life by 7 pm. Mini fights with yourself every day. Here's the best example, and I guarantee this will hit every one of you square in the face. You're at work. Let's say this is Monday morning, so this goes out on a Monday. You're sat there now listening to this podcast on the way to work. At 12 o'clock today, you're gonna sit there right at your office, you're gonna be working away, and all of a sudden, you're gonna feel the urge to reach and pick up your phone, and you're gonna feel the urge to go on that beautiful symbol that says Instagram, and you're gonna feel the urge to go through all the stories, and before you know it, you've lost 25 minutes. That is a mini fight with yourself. That when you feel that urge, instead of having your brain, which is pre pre-wired now at this point, by the way, so this is gonna be a fight, it's pre-wired to picking up that phone, hitting that symbol, and going to search those stories. That is one of the first biggest mini fights you can have with yourself. If you want an actionable step off this, that's the first thing. Everywhere in life there are those mini fights, and it can start. For some of you, it's waking up earlier in the morning. For some of you, it's going to sleep on a night. I said this before, I once had an argument, uh a disagreement, let's say, with an employee, right? Co-worker, who told me that they didn't have time to work out, right? And they didn't have time of pre-cooked meals for the rest of the week, which is why they were snacking, which is why they were out of shape, right? And I mean that respectfully, by the way. I don't mean this in a bad way. And the only question I asked them, I said, What do you do on a night? And they said, Oh, well, I've been re I read for about two and a half hours. I read some, I think it was a Sarah J. Mars book, and this is no disrespect to Sarah J. Mars or anyone who reads those books. My missus reads them for complete transparency, right? So this is no shade on that. But my point is, it's going, well, oh, I watch Netflix for an hour and then I read for two hours and I do X, Y, Z. I'm like, no, no, no, you don't prioritize your life, and you've chosen that the fact that the comfort of doing that for three hours, which is more enjoyment, versus doing the thing that's hard, because you got yourself into this situation, but now you're actively deciding not to get yourself out of the situation because you know the answer to it, you're choosing not to have the fight to get through to the next side of it. That is where the war is won. That is where those life full of mini little choices and mini fights happens. That's where you're gonna win it, right? And that's where you cannot be lying to yourself. It's the worst person in the world that you can lie to, not your mother, not your father, not your significant other, not anyone. The worst person that you lie to is yourself every day. If you live a life of lying to yourself, good luck. Good luck being happy, good luck getting anything that you want. Because again, you need to start developing right in it in the in the opposite to that. You need to start developing a high tolerance for short-term friction. You see, for our generation, conflict triggers immediate anxiety, right? We mistake a healthy boundary for an attack, and you have to rewire that. And again, please take it right, click take this the right way. This is us rewiring the social panic that is literally an epidemic across the world. Our generation, conflict triggers immediate anxiety. Or let me rephrase that conflict triggers immediate anxious feelings. I say that because anxiety is a genuine chemical imbalance in the brain, right? Which effectively means that you don't know what pathway to take next. When presented with choices, when presented with life situation, you have a multitude of options and you do not know what pathway to take, and therefore your brain starts to freak out. That is the chem that is the problem, the simplest way that you can talk about anxiety not feeling anxious. Again, I try and split those two between feeling anxious, which is we all feel it as human beings, people with anxiety have a genuine chemical imbalance, which doesn't help them make decisions. Our generation, conflict triggers immediately anxious feelings. And we mistake that healthy boundary for an attack. Our goal is to rewire that every day. And again, I said to you, my my journey is 10 years long on this. Some of us, it's going to take two, three years of hard wiring our re-hardwiring our brain to get to that point. You see, friction is the data that keeps your machine running, right? That's the mindset shift. It's a data point. When you call out a small problem early, you aren't causing drama, you're saving the relationship. And you aren't being mean to yourself, you're building an unshakable identity. You have to learn to love the small cleansing fire of immediate truth over the heavy, suffocating fog of what is a prolonged lie to yourself, right? You see, you don't do that, right? So we're not we're now talking, we're not going to develop a high tolerance of short-term friction, you're gonna have a structural collapse in your own personal life. Because if you refuse to have the mini fights, the thousands of them that go along every day, you're building your entire adult life on something that I would call quicksand, right? Your relationship and the reality, let's think about what the analogy of quicksand, right? You hit quicksand, and the worst bit about quicksand is right, it's not about actually the problem of when you actually get in quicksand, it's when you have to struggle to get out of it. Because when you struggle to get out of quicksand, what happens? You dig yourself in deeper. And then before you know it, you start to suffocate. You see, your relationship's gonna start to look will look stable from the outside until one day it suddenly shatters. Your career looks absolutely fine with everyone else until you get passed over for the third time because you never spoke up. The same with friendships, the same with personal life. You can't lift a heavier weight. Why? Because you failed to go to the gym for the last five days. Every time you're constantly gonna have these fights. So look at your life right now. What is the one awkward conversation you're currently dodging with your partner, your boss, and yourself? What's the small leak that you are pretending isn't there? Stop protecting the fake version of peace that requires you to swallow your own self respect. The truth doesn't bring things that are real, it only breaks illusions. You have the minifight today, have it with your partner, have it with your habits, have it with the mirror. Clean the windowshield before you crash the car ultimately. That's what I'm saying. See you next week.