My Journey To Pregnancy & Hot Takes On Parenting With A Dog

Danaye Maier joins again this week to walk through my conception journey with me! 

She gives her strong opinion on whether or not someone should get a dog before having a baby 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, well, well, if it isn't the happiest sad person ever, which is what you absolutely must be, there's no way you are vibing with my closet poetry as much as you are if you're not happy and sad all the time. It's exhausting, isn't it? I'm Josie, the girl who sits in her closet and reads you poems, and this is the breakdown. In the real world, I would be doing this podcast a lot more consistently. And every week I would start by letting you know what episode we're on. I don't know what episode this is. I don't know what day it is, but I do know that I have my guest back from last week, Danae Meyer, local radio host and woman inspirer. Thank you so much for joining me to talk about pregnancy. We're not gonna break down a poem today. We're gonna just break down pregnancy. I've had a lot of people reach out to me being like, talk about your journey with that. I feel like whenever I find out that somebody's pregnant, I I want to know every little detail. Yeah. I want to know why, when, where, what, how, how. And I know that this is, and I will preface this by saying I approach this topic with a lot of sensitivity. Yes. Because of what many of my friends have been through and what many people reach out to me in my DMs and stuff, tell me that they have been through or are currently going through. And this is just my personal experience with getting pregnant. And I know that this is not the common thing or the only way, but just right now, I'm honing in on my pregnancy journey so far.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah, well, and the the amazing thing about everybody's pregnancy journeys is every single one is different, and every single one is gonna be your own. And as a bit of a pregnancy vet myself, I mean, I was pregnant 10 years ago for the first time. My daughter's about to turn 10, which is mind-blowing. My son is eight and a half, had them right back to that back, right? One after another. But I can still remember like almost I feel like every detail of those months. It's traumatic.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Yeah, but exciting. It is so exciting, and that's kind of what I want to like just line this with before we begin is uh gratitude. I'm so grateful. But this pregnancy from about six weeks forward, as you have witnessed today, has been um a beautiful nightmare for me. It's been really, really hard. And even to this day, like standing up for more than five minutes, I'm like, Yeah, I gotta, I'm gonna throw up.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Okay, can let's like highlight for anybody that's just hopping in. I know you've been talking a lot about it on your socials and everything. But why don't we start from the beginning? Okay. What position did you? Oh my god. I'm kidding, we won't go there. That's not what we need to talk about. I don't even know. But I think let's talk about. I think, you know, obviously when you are pregnant and when you tell your friends and your closest people that you want to get pregnant, you start hearing like from all sides things you should be doing, things like certain ways to do it, that kind of thing, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:04

It is pretty funny, like, because I am such a get my mind on something, and I want to try to do this right now. Yeah. So we had like a timeline in in our minds, like we got married in October. We our dog died, yeah, and we were like, let's go away for Christmas. Yeah. So we left town for Christmas, and we were like, and I honestly selfishly, we were going to Paris for Christmas, and I wanted to get drunk there. Yeah. So I was like, we'll start trying to have a baby in the new year. We weren't not not trying, we were genuinely trying to avoid pregnancy up until January. Right. And I haven't been on birth control in like eight years because it made me like want to die. Yeah. Like, you know, it's not all the things associated.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

It's also like so just jumping around a little bit, but how crazy is it where you go for so long trying not to get pregnant and then your brain flips and it's all you want. No. It's insane.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Like it's so crazy. So it's it's just like the craziest thing where even my husband and I are both just looking at each other going. Are we sure? Like, this is we can't turn back. Yeah. But you don't you go into it not knowing what to expect. I'm 32, turning 33 this summer. We've never tried to get pregnant. I've never been pregnant, not by accident, not on purpose. Yeah. And I just thought, like, you just we you don't know what to expect when you try. Right. Um, but we decided we were gonna try in January, and it was funny because I loved like we did those ovulation tests. Yeah, and I have like a very regular cycle, so I kind of had a ballpark idea, but I peed on a hundred ovulation sticks, like literally five times a day. Why? I don't know. Because you're obsessive. Yes. And I was tracking it, and every day I kept being like, Okay, well, I think today's today seems like the line's getting darker. And then I'd be like, Oh, wait, never mind, that wasn't it. So by the end of us like trying that month, my husband was like, Do you know what you're doing?

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Please can we stop? So you were basically your method and your plan was like as much as possible. Tried every day for 20 days. Okay, okay, okay, and it worked, which is like such a beautiful blessing and rare, and very rare.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

We literally, like, as soon as we found out, I know people make that joke like you were actively trying to get pregnant, you're not on birth control, you're not using protection, you are tracking your ovulation and you're taking this pregnancy test and you're shocked.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

But also you are because unfortunately, we hear so many different stories. Everybody's got their different story. We know a lot of people that have struggled with fertility. I think you know that's gonna be in the back of your mind, especially when you do hit 30, and all that's always told to us is like, oh, as soon as you hit 28, your fertility starts to decline. So you start like kind of freaking out a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

And in those early days, anything can happen. So I was like, we did the try. Yeah, you did the try, and then I was on a book tour.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Yes, and I will never forget, Josie. You texted me at 10 15 p.m. I believe it was a Thursday night, and I was like we mentioned, I do a local morning show. Yeah. So I get up at 3 45 every morning. I always stay up way too late. I'm not even kidding. Your text came in as I was putting my phone down and was just about to put on duty. My positive test picture. And it was from you, and I opened it. What did I say? Does this look positive? It was just the pregnancy test, and I had a friend over for a sleepover and I screamed. I was like, and the friend that was with me was like, what, what, what, what? Like he thought something like like absolutely devastating had happened because like I just started screaming. I was like, and then obviously, because he's right there, I'm like, Jose's pregnant. Well, it's it's but then how many pregnancy tests did you send me after 100? Because he didn't really.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

I brought, I brought, I stacked my suitcase for this book tour with a hundred tampons and a hundred pregnancy tests because I didn't know which one was gonna come first. And when I I started peeing on six, and the I was seeing these like faint, faint, fate lines, but I thought they were evaporation lines because I was waiting. So I called your sister because I was like, I didn't want to get anyone too excited, but I was like, these are fake.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

No, but I my my first lines when I was pregnant with both of my kids, because again, I like tested right away, they were the faintest lines ever. Like, I I actually was like so disappointed with my first pregnancy test. I think this is something that people like don't like talk about a lot, maybe because we both had that same experience. Yeah. Where I was like, oh no, that's it. You imagine it's gonna be like a neon sign that's like you're pregnant. I know there are the tests that say pregnant or not pregnant, but you think that like that line is gonna light up. And I remember when I first was pregnant with my daughter Violet, I was like, oh, I was so disappointed. I didn't I didn't think that was it. I thought the same. And then I was late still, so I took a test a couple of days later and it was like right there.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

So the reason I was so intensely testing was because I was on this book tour and I was planning on like having drinks at dinners and like doing a lot of networking while I was in town. And I was also in Toronto for part of it, which is where I grew up. So I had plans to like drink with my friends from high school, and um it was funny because I called my husband like in the morning, and it was 6 a.m.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

when I've all known before Steven, just me?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

You your sister, my friend Brittany. Yeah.

unknown 8:29

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

People had an idea. Yeah, but who found out before Steven? The but like you guys had like the faint tests that were like, I don't know if these are real tests. Right, right, right. So I wasn't sure and I didn't want to like get Steven's hopes up. Yeah. So and I wasn't gonna be home for another week. So then in the morning, I was like, I'll just do a digital test, and then that'll be my teller. But it was 5 a.m. when I woke up and I was like, I'm just gonna do it now. And it was a digital one, and I was like, there's no way. And I flipped it over and it said pregnant. And what time was it when it's 5 a.m. in Toronto? Um 3 a.m. in Calgary. So I was waiting, pacing around this hotel room all by myself for like hours until Steve finally woke up from work, and then I FaceTimed him and he was like, Oh my god. And I was like, should we have waited? Like, what the hell? But it was just like the craziest thing. And it was really funny because that weekend I went to go drink with my high school friends, and I was like, they know that I love to drink, they're gonna clock this.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

I knew that was always gonna be the telltale thing for me too.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

I just said I had a UTI and I was on antibiotics. Perfect. And we're all sitting around the table, everyone's having drinks, I'm having like a diet coke. And one of my girlfriends was like, So, do you think your mom will ever move out to Calgary? Like, probably when you guys start a family. When do you think you'll do that? And I was like, You get a face, like maybe eventually she was in front of the whole table of our friends. Oh my god, she's pregnant, she's pregnant, and like there's like a bunch of guys there that I went to high school, and they were like, This feels like my own wife wouldn't have told me this too. Like, take back this information. Please don't talk to me. But it's so early, right? Yeah. I was literally, it was my first or second day of testing positive, and anything can happen. And there's like this really deep rooted fear that lives in you as a woman after everything that you've heard and after everything that you know can happen in your body and all the things that have to go right for pregnancy to continue.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

And I was literally terrified.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Of course. You like didn't think it was a real positive. I feel like for a couple weeks.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

I said that I wasn't gonna consider it real positive until I hit 13 weeks. Yeah. So I like was not wanting to get excited. Didn't my one of my friends bought me a gift. I left it in Toronto. I was like, I'm not bringing it back to Calgary. I just need to like soak this in and hope for the best. Yeah, and we've been really lucky. Everything so far is great. I'm 21 weeks almost, which is amazing.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

You're like, oh my gosh, you're gonna like at the halfway mark, which is so wild.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

You can like kind of start seeing it now.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

See the bed back.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Um, but I mean, yes, everything's great, and so happy that you're so healthy, baby's healthy, you had the anatomical scan, everything looks great there, but you've been sick, girl. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

So, you know, you have anxiety. Uh-huh. Were you sick? And you so you have two kids who are eight and ten. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Did you get sick at all? I was really lucky with the morning sickness stuff. In fact, I didn't have morning sickness with either. I had evening sickness with Violet. Okay. Where it would be like, as soon as I started to get kind of tired, that's when I would get nauseous and I'd just go to bed. So it worked out really great with my schedule. Umings are worse for me too. Yeah. So I was very, very lucky in the early days of my pregnancy. Fast forward, and we don't need to get into it. Well, I don't think we need to get into it. I don't want to like, let's just focus on you for right now. Cause I feel like I had a hard time when I was pregnant hearing about all the horror stories, but you know we'll get to the horrors. We will, but let's end the episode with the horror stories of your pregnancy. Fine. But early pregnancy, beginning of pregnancy, super good, super smooth. I also feel incredibly blessed. We got pregnant with Violet on our first try and incredibly blessed. But you accidentally got pregnant with Maxwell and you're not. Second try. I was still breastfeeding when I got pregnant with Maxwell. I actually had no idea how far along I was pregnant when I found out I was pregnant with Maxwell because I hadn't got my period since having Violet. This is so much information to say about you, and we can cut this out, but like you're I'm an open book, dude.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

You like the process of creating a baby more than the average person. Like I could go way longer without that than you. Like so that's why I was like, you were doing it at that time already.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Like, well, I mean, probably like it's been a year, but like a year, you know. I feel like we probably you're supposed to wait six weeks. Okay. Did you? No, I know we waited six weeks.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Are you sure? I bet you didn't.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

We did. We did. I'm pretty sure we waited. It's crazy, me. Everybody's different. Everybody's different. Everybody's different. Yeah, no, you're right. I really, really, really, really enjoy sex. And that's yeah. I don't care. My little kid.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Oh my god, she said sex.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

She loves making love. Oh, yes, there you go. I think that's but yeah, so I was very lucky with getting pregnant, uh, even though it was like obviously like, oh my gosh, I found out I was pregnant on Violet's first birthday. Yeah, that's crazy. Before I'd even gone back to work after my first Matt Lave. Insane. Wild, but so awesome and so lucky and very lucky to not have any major sickness in the beginning. But you, and that's what I was like saying to you the entire time too. Again, like you have all these people with all the advice all over the place and all these different stories. What did I keep saying to you in your early days of being sick? I kept saying, just wait till 13 weeks, girly. Oh, yeah. You just gotta hit the sweet, it's gonna get so much better.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

It wasn't all so um we at the in the early days. I was having no symptoms, and there's this like weird limbo period in the beginning of your pregnancy where everybody knows you are checking your toilet paper and you are waking up in the middle of the night and you are feeling weird, but you're not really feeling anything, and there's no scans to you know, there's just no proof that we are. Besides putting on a bunch more tests and just like hoping for the best. So it's just you really do, as a woman, live in fear, and I think that that's something that like is hard when you're in a partnership with a man that's not pregnant, like they're doing everything that they can if you're in a lucky situation to not lucky, but if you're in a situation with a partner that is good and is there and is like and you're still with that person and and everything, but at the end of the day, it's still you're you're so fear instilled, and they're feeling this excitement you know for this thing that's coming. Yeah, and you are trying your best to just like feel excited.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

The most empathetic man on the planet still could not understand what it's like to be a woman in that situation, and a lot of situations, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

So it was just something that I'm such an anxious person that I almost was like, I hope that I feel like some out like can I have just like a little puke in the morning, like just for the first couple months, so that I can feel something, a food aversion, maybe can I open the fridge and gay? Like, please. Did you will your body sickness? Josie, you know, so nothing was happening. And I was like, I'm feeling better than I've ever felt. I'm glowing, I'm happier, I'm like going to the gym every day, like the way that I always said I would when I'm pregnant. Like, I was like, I am thriving in this pregnancy, I'm gonna have the best pregnancy ever. And then one day I was it was like a Sunday afternoon, and I went to like one of those paint days with my girlfriends, yeah. And we were painting, and I thought, I'm gonna throw up like this overwhelming urge out of nowhere. And then I was like, I'm so nauseous, like I can't believe this. And we went and we ate after, and I was looking at all the food we were eating, being like, oh. And then the next morning, all hell broke loose. That was around eight weeks, and it was like we had contractors in and out of our house renovating, and something about me is I'm the loudest puker.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Josie, you're like the loudest gay girl. Like 10 minutes ago, you opened your cabinets upstairs and you didn't like the way that they smelt, and you're no, it's loud.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

It's it's messed up. It sounds like you're stabbing me in the back and throat with a toothbrush every time. And when I'm when I'm I'm not like so TMI, and you're about to hear me make a fake puke sound, but like when I'm reading, it literally sounds like this. And Steve is like, shut the door, my god. Like he's trying to eat, and I'm just puking. And honestly, I'm 21 weeks, and this is so much information, and it's disgusting, and it's very graphic. But the other day, I threw up so hard when I got home from the airport when I was away for the long weekend. I got home from the airport, ran into the house and puked so hard that it flew into my eyes. From the it ricocheted off the toilet. The Kit Kat that I ate on the plane hit me in the eyeballs. I was like, Great, now I'm gonna have pink eye, and I feel like shit. Did you immediately go and like stand in the shower with your eyes? I was like taking my contacts out, being like, please, no, like, you know, toilet water, toilet water sweat. We all know that's an immediate pink eye. Yeah, yeah. I was good. I made it through. But I just mean it's still not done. And that it's definitely improved, like to a point where I can like maintain the conversation, leave the house for more than an hour. You're able to get out and do things, which is really nice because for a while you were bedridden. But there was a point, because I don't want to throw up in public and I haven't yet. It's I'm scared of it. So there was a point where I was leaving errands in the middle, like full grocery cart, leaving my stuff at the till at the mall to get in my car and drive home to puke in my own house. No. But there was contractors here. And because I'm such a loud puker, I was like, hey guys, run up the stairs. Like they, I was like, and I hope they don't think I'm like sick. I because they're in my home.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

I'm sad right now that you didn't know you could come over to my house as a designated puke house. Oh, I know. I should.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

You know how many times you've heard me puke? But then I just don't want your kids to hear me. I'll scare them.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

I know for future. If you have somebody here in that situation, I'm actually I'm sad and I'm a little disappointed that you didn't think of coming to my house as a designated puke spot. Because you've heard me puke so many times from being hungover. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Yeah, I have. I've heard you puke. And you pass out every time you puke, too. We don't need to talk about it. So luckily, I don't do that. Because that would be I would have had a lot of headbangs.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Oh, this is a new thing for me. I you talk about puke fear. I have a new puke fear after we went to Mexico for my 40th birthday, just this past. I should have drank more on that trip. Oh, that was your last hurrah.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

What was I thinking? You should have been puking right there next year. Because I got the flu in Paris, too. I didn't even drink on that trip either. That was my last hurrah.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Uh, by the way, um, this is probably something that somebody would say if they did have a problem, but I don't have a problem. Definitely not uh into the city. You need to have a drink right now. I'm having a root beer. I'm I the most or sorry, the least supportive pregnancy friend.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

You're just you're disopinionated. So this we'll take okay, we'll take this conversation into one bit more thing, and then I want to hear about your scary pregnancy, and then we will also feels like a least supportive friend conversation to have, but no. So I I just think it's funny. So basically, me being pregnant right now, we're like obviously prepping our home. We just got this reno done, we're having our closet redone upstairs for the baby's room and for the other guest room for when we have another baby eventually, and everything is just like kind of coming together. Yeah, and we had a dog, and we always thought that this dog was just gonna like love on our baby. Like, we were like, we're so excited to have a dog, yeah, and a baby at the same time, and then the dog died. And it's literally been devastating. It has been the hardest like six months, especially for my husband. Like, that was like his best friend in the whole world. So we had this idea that we were gonna get another dog, and when the dog became available, we were like, We're not ready. So we turned it down. And this was before you were pregnant? No, no, this was like a month ago. Uh okay. And we were like, We're not ready. And then literally the next day, I was like, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. And my husband was also like stupid, stupid, stupid. Like, we should have said yes. And I messaged the girl, and it was too like all gone.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

And now all I mainly was dug, dog, duc, dog, duc, duc, duck, duck, dog.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

So now I've been scouring the shelters looking for a dog, maybe foster, maybe new puppy, like whatever. And because I've been like so um openly posting about it online, uh it's we have found a potential, maybe not gonna happen, dog. And um, potential. Okay, we don't know. We're gonna make our decision by the time this episode goes up. We'll know, and you guys won't know. That'll be a big secret. But I came to your house yesterday and I said, I want to get a dog. And I think you had just woken up from a nap because you had no time for my shit.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

I think what was I doing? I think I had just gotten home with the kids. You had no time for this conversation. I had no time. Yeah, it was a busy day. It was like a non-stop, busy, wild day. And I was like just about to get the kids ready for dinner, and then you had your Instacart delivery accidentally delivered to my house. So I came over to get it. While you were coming over to get it, and you dropped the dog thing on me, and yeah, I probably I love you like you had a little sister. I do. Okay, and that's I probably wasn't very soft and gentle in my approach of telling you that I thought it was a bad idea. And it might be, and I yeah, and I mean it might be, but it's so funny because I was like, don't get a dog. What do you what? Wait, have the baby, see how you're gonna handle motherhood, see if you got a good baby, see if you're I know, see if you're settling into motherhood, see if like you there's just so many unknowns right now.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

So many unknowns, and like that's the thing. When I posted about this online, the messages I was getting, yeah, it was like a 50-50 split between this is my nightmare. Do not have a dog and a baby at the same time. You're gonna hate your dog, you're gonna have a tough time with your baby, you have no idea what it's like to be a mom. Blah blah blah. And then there's the other side of it. The women who came through on my side, these are your supportive people, but they have amazingly well-tempered, yeah, calm, probably dogs who aren't super needy, which doesn't always happen, and probably babies who sleep. But here's here's my reasoning, okay? Here's my reasoning. We are I'm home all the time. Yeah, I'm only puking once a day now. So I'm about and about. I'm going for walks, kind of well, once every few weeks I go for a walk. Um, and I'm literally just sitting in our house, like twiddling my Thumbs and fingers, thumbs, thumbs and fingers. That's a that's a talent and toes and feet. Wondering what to do with myself. Yeah. And we're like on the same page, my husband and I, that we don't want to go further than next spring without having a dog, which puts us with a six month-old baby and a puppy. Yeah. So do we bring the dog in as a puppy? Okay. When we have a baby.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Right. But what if you have the baby and then you're like, you know what? Maybe we want to wait a year. Maybe we want to wait two years. But that's what we're scared of. We don't want to wait. Right. I know.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

And so, like, what if then it's five or ten years before we feel like it's a good time?

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Like, we've talked about this so many times. And like, my daughter Violet has the friggin' like hammer on the whole situation. She's the judge with the gavel. And she goes the other day when we were talking about this, and basically having the same back and forth. And she goes, Mom, Josie's gonna do what she wants to do, leave her alone. I'm like, Yes, she is, but then she came to me on the side and said, What?

SPEAKER_00 22:58

But I think you should wait a few years.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

And she's a 10-year-old girl who loves dogs. She does. So, but I just, yes, I just want you to really think about the unknowns and also the fact that you're gonna want to like you and Steven. I know it's like, well, Steven will take care of the, but like he's gonna be one of the like completely immersed in this baby.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

And I will be alone like 40 or 50 hours a week once he takes his month off for our like little pat leave or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

So, what did what did we come to an agreement on, you and I?

SPEAKER_00 23:29

Oh, that I'm allowed to complain about the baby, but I'm not allowed to complain about the dog and the baby. And if the complaint about the baby stems from the dog, I'm not allowed to talk about it to you. But honestly, all those people that DM'd you, they can be your dog supportive people. But I will say, like, so there's like so many options, puppies everywhere all the time. Puppies everywhere all at once. This should be an Oscar-winning team. Puppies everywhere. That should be okay. And for the record, I like dogs. No, I know.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

You have a dog. I have one.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

You have a dog. You know, I don't know if you like your dog that much, to be honest, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

I'm not sure. But I do love her. It's just it's a weird situation. You love her half the time. I share custody of my kids and my dog. But you love your kids all the time. I love my kids. You love Rosie the dog half the time. And that's where like, yeah, I think.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

You also gave her basically my name, which I didn't think that through.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Yeah. Are you gonna name your child Janae? Yeah. Renee.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

No, that's actually not that's actually scary nice. But I just I just think I just think everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, and I think that like someone sent me a really, really insightful, thoughtful message yesterday. And again, we are sorry, I'm all over the place, but no, with the grief of this dog that we lost, our dog, our fucking best friend dog in the whole world, me getting scared that I swirling relive on the radio. Like, it's just we don't know. And my husband, especially, like this was like his soulmate. Like, genuinely, they had like a stronger connection than like me and Steve do. Like they loved each other too, you know. If you have a dog, and I've talked about this in the poem before, you know, yeah, that it's just this feeling you can't describe, and this emptiness that you can't describe, and an emptiness that I don't even understand because it was Steve's dog, and I just like joined the family. I was not the I was the spare You were the odd man. I was a spare tire in the backseat. And they never needed me. They just used me once in a while. But it is just really interesting because we actually don't know what to do. And like, I feel like some people grieve differently in a way that you grieve and you like want to have another dog in the house, not to fill the void of the other dog or to stop the grief, but to have a place to put the love that you were putting into the other dog.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

It's like the whole thing when moving on from an ex. But some people don't want to date ever again. Right, fair enough. But like I you know how well I identify with the entire thing. The best way to get over someone else is to get under.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Well, unfortunately, your your way is the best way to get over someone is to keep sleeping with them. And unfortunately, we don't have that option with our dog. We can't see him again, so we have to get another one.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Oh God. So what we're really coming to. This is a different person up. The friend that was in bed when we found out about the pregnancy. Uh, no, I guess what we're getting at is I'm no one to give advice. Yeah, exactly. But I have lived through the experience of babies, and so that's where my heart is coming from, and that's where my advice is coming from. I had a cat when my kids were born, and I and like I can't.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Which I had no idea you have ever had a cat. I found that out yesterday. What does that tell you? That you don't really care about animals that much. And that means that you don't have a leg to stand on here. No, that's not true. But the the the animal goes down the notch when your baby becomes your whole world. I think that some people just like like there's certain people who think of, and again, I I do totally believe in this whole like you have a baby, and even if your animal was a part of your family, yes, it's awful and you can't handle it. And I totally think that that's a possibility. Yeah. But I do think that there are some people who think of their pet, and it's a really interesting question to ask people who have pets. Do you think of your pet as a part of your family? Or do you think of your pet as an animal that lives in your house? No, and I do think of my dog's totally in my pet. But I just mean like I think a lot of the people that were messaging me telling me not to do this, think of their pet as an animal who lives in their house and not as a member of their family. Right. And our pets are very much members of our family. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

But it might be wrong. My dog had the hiccups last night in bed, and I thought she was dying, and I almost like immediately called like 911. I should have given her your CPR maximouth. Oh, we did. I was giving out the time. Just kidding. Take that out. Take that out. Hey, Dilly. Dilly. No, I uh I feel like this is again, as my daughter Violet said, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. I think we've come to our agreement that if you do it, I will love the dog as a part of the family too. I just don't want to hear about any complaints.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Okay, deal. Okay, deal. But you have been back to what you were saying about um, you know, the like tough pregnancies that you had with your two kids. They were both premature.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Um, like you try not to talk to me about that anymore based because you don't want to scare me. You don't want to tell me what was happening leading up to like that time where you were about to find out that you were gonna go on bed rest. We were working together at the time. Yeah. You had to take your Mat Leave early both times. Yes. Like it's and then do nothing and just wait and be stressed.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

And the second time, do nothing while I had a toddler climbing around up on counters and everything. Which is terrifying. So just like talk about that a little bit, and I promise I won't get scared. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's like good to be informed. I feel like bad talking about like horror stories to somebody that like again, you're staring down the thought that anything can happen.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Basically, what we came to the conclusion of was like, I know it was still fear-based and anxiety-ridden and extremely sick and pukey, but like a very wonderful journey so far where everything has kind of gone right besides being super sick. So, like, I feel like these things are important to know because right now, if I were oblivious to anything being able to go wrong, I would think, okay, we got pregnant, all the scans went well, and I don't even do another ultrasound if I don't feel like I need one. Totally. Like it's like smoothly. Where can things go wrong? Right? Like, and I'm not gonna wait for them to happen, but I just like it's nice to know.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

Yeah, so I ended up with um gestational hypertension, which is like a big thing. Is that different than pre-eclampsia? So gestational hypertension is what leads to preeclampsia, which I believe if I I'm I don't know if any doctors or nurses or medical personnel are listening, but I believe like high high blood pressure leads to like essentially like the detaching of your placenta and the breakdown of your placenta, which is like the lifeblood for your baby. So I never actually knew what a placenta did. I just know where it is. Yeah, so the placenta is like what feeds your baby all like all the nutrients and everything. I'm pretending like we still have a placenta.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Didn't rubbing shit out of herself right now. I'm nervous.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

I'm just so postpartum. She's pregnant adjacent with me right now. Ten and eight. Um I'm postpartum.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

When did you marry vent? Nine years ago.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Just trying to get rid of this baby, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Um finally back to the gym after my baby. How old is your kid? 10.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Really getting back to it. Finally was able to give away my maternity pants. Um but yeah, so I ended up with gestational hypertension, which I had no idea I was even. How far along were you when you found that out? So with Violet, it was 37 weeks to the day, which is not super premium.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

No, that's like close to when you're gonna get pre-full term.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

But it was a situation where I went in for my 37-week checkup. I was still supposed to be working for two weeks.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Were you worried about work? Like, were you were there gonna be mad at you?

SPEAKER_01 30:24

No.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

No, at that point you don't really know.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Yeah, at that point, like I was gonna be heading on Matt Leave pretty soon. She's winked at me.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

She's like, she's like, I was terrified.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

It was part of the reason my blood pressure was so high. I honestly do think that having to get up as early as I do and as like giving it living on like as little sleep as I did at that time, I think that probably factored in because I could tell I had to check my blood pressure so much. I knew like on the weekends my blood pressure was lower.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Oh, okay. Yeah, when you weren't working, yeah. But waking up that early and not getting sleep, like is just it's a killer for your blood pressure.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Horrifying for all the things, even when you're not.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

It may get lower, which I don't know why, but like in a bad way, like where I was dizzy all the time.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Now I still am. So maybe it wasn't work.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

So with Violet, they were like, Your blood pressure's so high. They're like, Do you have a headache? I was like, No. Like, are you seeing spots? I was like, No, they're like, You should be. I was like, Maybe this is my baseline. You just have maybe I'm just really high pain all the time. So that was a situation where they were like, You're having your baby tomorrow. Crazy. So I thought I still had a few weeks. So how early was she then? Three weeks? She was only three weeks early. Uh, she was five pounds and seven ounces, so like a decent size. We were in the hospital for 10, five days with her. Um, while she like learned how to feed and everything, but the labor was beautiful. Like, I'm also so grateful because I know some people that have had like trauma during labor and that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

So you say this because I've been talking about how, and I know this is an uneducated random thought that like passes through my mind. I'm not like scared of giving birth for some reason. I'm scared of everything. And for some reason, the thought of giving birth doesn't actually really scare me that much yet.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

But I do in my mind, because I've had a tummy tuck before, so I feel like I've felt the abdominal pain, and I've heard that because they do like a different level of cutting and like more, then it can actually be not more painful to get a tummy tuck, but like the actual surgery itself and the recovery can be a little bit more painful depending on your labor.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

Yeah. Like if you need a c-section.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

So I'm like, I kind of just wish that I could have a c-section. But you have said that even with what you went through that was like pretty traumatic, yeah, you would take your vaginal birth if you could.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Yes, absolutely. I feel I also feel so lucky and so grateful that I was able to have both like natural births, vaginal births with both of my babies. Like being able to like push them out of there was like also one of like the coolest things of all time. You wonder why I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Very grateful for that. What I really hate is like I feel like women, there's like this stigma that gets attached to C-sections. Okay. Where when women say they had a C-section, they're almost like, no, I had a C-section.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Like, like it's like, oh, I had to have a C-section.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Like, as if it's not extremely painful and hard and traumatic and like awful, and you go through all that trauma and you often it's not planned and it's an emergency. And oh like it's just when women are like, no, I didn't get like girl, you don't be like a shame.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Somebody that like, and again, I've had a very not traumatic vaginal birth with both of my babies. But your sister? Every single time I would take that over the c-section. Your sister had two C-sections. My sister had to do, and my sister-in-law had to do. Like, oh my god, C-sections are absolutely horrifying. So I should just shut the fuck up when I say stuff like that and just be like, we'll see how it goes. See how it goes. I think I think vaginal birth is like, I think that's the goal. Obviously, things go not according to plan. And obviously, I know some people have to have elected elective, not emergency C-sections if the baby's not of a certain size and maybe your hips and that kind of thing. I know that that's obviously a situation, but yeah, I uh I'm very thankful. And then with my son, my son Maxwell, talking about the bed rest with the toddler at home, the blood pressure. Because I had it the first pregnancy, my risk went up with the second. Yeah. And it started at 27 weeks. And then I was put on bed rest at 30 weeks because it was so out of control. That's crazy. That's early. That's like six weeks from now for me. Yeah, and they stopped growing. So what do you do during bed rest? Like what what is what is bed rest? You're supposed to do as little as possible. Can you walk around? I mean, as little as possible. Can you drive? Nope. No, you can't drive. You gotta stay at home. You gotta lay. You gotta lay. And if you have you've got a toddler, that toddler, there was this like constant battle between like laying there and being like, um, do I get up and save the toddler that's climbing on the counter? Or do I stay here and protect the baby? I was really great. I gotta give like there's sides of healthcare that I had no idea existed, like the antenatal care, which are public health nurses that go out to women that are in bed rest and check them and do the fetal monitoring and all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

I just learned about wet nurses. Yeah. I didn't even know that was a thing. I mean, it's still, it's not now. But I that's amazing. Like I've like, you know what I mean? Like that people were willing to do that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

To feed your holy, you're talking about like people that are like separate. Feed your baby with their own breasts. You want to hear something crazy? Yeah. So much, so many things. My grandmother's a wet nurse. She had so she had babies for uh for 20 years. She's got eight children. Holy moly. For her oldest and her youngest have a 20-year age gap. Oh my gosh. So her second oldest. Is your grandmother married to my dad by chance? Her second oldest had her first baby when my grandma's youngest was three. So teen pregnancy. My aunt was 17, had my cousin, and you're and because my grandma was still breastfeeding her three-year-old on the farm, she breastfed her granddaughter. Why not? Why not? Why not? It's all in the family milk. Is that crazy? Yeah, because yeah, isn't that messed up? That's on family milk. That is so fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

No, that's but that's that's crazy. That's a crazy story. Anyway, that's on pregnancy.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

I feel like we anyways, Maxwell was born safe. Oh, he was like, he was great. He ended up being born at 36 weeks. He stopped growing at 32, but we kept him safe in there, and that's why he was so teeny tiny. Oh, okay. So he was only four pounds. But again, the lovely thing about having him. He's a tank. He caught up so fast. But when I was having him, I pushed once, and then the doctor said, one more, but half as hard or you're gonna shoot this kid across. Really? And then he just kind of like That's so crazy.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

It's just crazy how everybody goes in to the hospital when they're in whatever, whatever time you're gonna do it, give birth, and you just don't know how it's gonna go. And I love a birth story because we also have a friend of a friend who went in at like noon and got home at 8 p.m. I know. You know, like sometimes that happens too. Yeah. And you just never know. I was watching that what to expect and you're expecting, and they're like they're delivering at the same time, and the one girl's having this grueling labor and the other girl sneezes and the baby just flies out. And it just is so funny. And that's why you just cannot compare yourself in these situations. And I think that also just as a woman and as women, and if you're a woman listening and and you're somebody who like does give advice. Also, if you're a man listening and you're still here, yeah, good for you. Well done. Good job. But if you're a woman and you are somebody who gives advice, I think something so important to keep in mind as you like get into the ears of other pregnant women or other women with children is like, and I think we talked about this last time on the last episode, is just like be a mom's mom. Yeah, and celebrate the decisions of everybody and just know that the way that you did it is only one way to do it. It's not the only way to do it. Absolutely. And like offer your knowledge, but not your opinion. Absolutely. Unless it's asked for, and unless it's about getting a dog when you have a new kid. Unless, unless it's that, in which case, I'll take your opinions.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

And now we've brought it all back. But yes, absolutely, Josie, such a good point. Uh, every woman's story is different. That's why they're also beautiful, that's why it's also different. So, regardless of where you're at on the journey of wanting to become a mom, wanting to get pregnant, pregnant right now, postpartum, any of it. Mom of however long. Oh, congratulations. You're badass. You're such a superhero.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

I was saying, like, the second that you decide that you want to give your life up to that extent that a mother does, you're a mom, in a way that the kid will never understand until they're older. Yeah, like you gotta make these sacrifices and have them not acknowledged for your whole like for however long, right? And like if you want that, you're a mom.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

You're a mom. You're a mom. Totally. You're a mom. You're a mom. And you're probably a mom if you're still listening. Or you're a hopeful mom. And if you're a hopeful mom, you're a mom. Yeah, exactly. Boom. Okay, bye. Love you.