Episode 9: Hustle Culture is Not a Flex

On my first trip to Europe, I expected to enjoy the history, the architecture, and the experience of being somewhere new. What I didn’t expect was how strongly I would react to the slower pace of life outside the city.

In this episode, I reflect on traveling through the Irish countryside and realizing how different life can feel when everything isn’t built around rushing, grinding, and constant productivity. From quiet landscapes to cultural differences around money, tipping, and celebration, the experience forced me to question why hustle culture is treated like a badge of honor.

We talk about the nervous system impact of always being in grind mode, the difference between excitement and peace, and why sometimes the life you want isn’t more; it’s slower, simpler, and more intentional.

Sometimes travel doesn’t change you.
Sometimes it just confirms who you already are.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey y'all, welcome back to the podcast. And today, I'm not gonna hold your hand when I say this, but hustle culture is not the flex people think it is. And quite honestly, the slow life is the real luxury. At least that's how it is, as far as I'm concerned. Um, I took a little break, so I've been off for the past couple weeks, because I took off on my birthday. I took a trip to Ireland. Um, it's been on my bucket list uh for a while. And that's really uh the nexus, I think, of today's conversation is because once I got to Ireland, it truly was one of those like um checklist items that was like, wow, this is a a place that feels like me. And you know, for people who travel a lot like I do, sometimes, you know, you have different reactions to the places that you go to, right? Like some of them can really, you know, meet your expectations or exceed your expectations. And then some of them just disappoint you. You're like, child, this is not what it looked like on TikTok. It's like this is not what it looks like on Instagram. Uh but Ireland really did rise to the occasion and I really did enjoy myself. And I will say what drew me to uh Ireland in the first place over the years is I'm a nature girl. Like I feel the most calm and at peace when I am in like quiet when I'm like by the ocean or when I'm in the forest or in a mountaintop or something like that. And on pictures and video, Ireland was always one of the most green places I had ever seen in my life. So it wasn't just the whole like St. Patrick's Day of it all, and you know, green, but like it really, I had never seen places with such expanse of like mountains and rolling hills and um open valleys. Uh, and I was like, wow, if it really does look like that, that's what I want to go do. Like, I want to go see that for myself. I want to experience that. So that's what drew me there. And I was so excited about that. And I think what I want to talk about today is the like the fact that like sometimes experiences and my experiences often travel, they don't necessarily expand you. Because I think we always talk about like evolution and expansion and becoming bigger and better and more than we are, but not all um situations in life, not all experiences in life are necessarily meant to expand you. Some of them are meant to confirm you, some of them are meant to really validate like you are who you think you are. You know what I'm saying? Like they really are there to solidify exactly um the plans you've put in place for yourself, the life you've dreamt up for yourself, um and the positions that you've strategically placed yourself in. And that is uh truly what I tended to feel once I got to Ireland. I remember when I woke up, because I got there at night, and when I woke up and I opened my curtains in my hotel, I looked out the window and I went, Yep, that's Ireland. Because it looked just like it looks um on like photos and books and magazines and postcards and stuff uh like that. And I gotta say, um I w I landed in Dublin. So Dublin is like the main city, like that's the main international airport that people come into, and it's very historic. So there's lots of beautiful buildings and castles and uh cathedrals, um, and there's a a beautiful um old school there called Trinity College and um has a beautiful uh library that is very famous that I got a chance to visit. But I will say I started to feel not disappointed, but I think there was a part of me that started to feel like, oh, okay. It was just it was just fine. So it was cultural immersion and I was appreciative of um experiencing someone else's culture. Um, but it wasn't scratching the itch that I came all the way to another continent for. Also, this was my first trip to Europe as well. So um I was, you know, really seeking something. And I was like, after a few days, you know, and I'm spending my 41st birthday there, I was like, this is cool, but it just wasn't, it wasn't doing it for me. And whenever I go somewhere, I try to have an excursion or I rent a car and I drive to whatever like the famous um like landscape is there, or something like that. So I knew I was going to the cliffs of Moore um while I was there. And I think they pronounced it Moher. Um, but girl, I'm American, unfortunately. Fortunately. Um so I say Moor, but it's they say Mohare. And I knew I was gonna go there, and I had an excursion planned, and it was like a 12-hour excursion all the way to the west coast of Ireland, and Dublin is on the East Coast. So I knew I had an opportunity to see like nature, so I wasn't bummed, but I was just like, okay, I mean, this is all very cool, and we're doing all the touristy things, but like, okay, you know, it's not scratching that bucket list itch quite yet, other than the fact that I'm in Europe and it's my first time. And and also it rains every single day. Like everybody kept telling me, like, apparently they love to talk about tr uh weather over there. And they were like, it's been raining for 52 straight days. And I'm like, yeah, I did not leave my house where it was like currently, I think like 70. My son kept uh texting me talking about how nice it was, and I left there to go be in the cold where it was like 40 and 50 degrees and raining. So I was like, okay. But finally, the day after my birthday, my excursion came and we went to the west coast of Ireland, uh, predominantly the little town of Doolin, and um this the area where the cliffs of Moor are and um some other places. And it was like a huge physical and like uh like theoretical, like sigh of relief because it was like a genuine breath of fresh air. It was gorgeous, even in the foggy, dark, gray, um, raininess of apparently their 50-something stray days of rain, but it was exactly what you see on the postcards and the movies and like the drone footage. It was beautiful and expansive and green and layered. And I was so excited because along that um bus tour, I saw all the things. I saw the sheep just grazing, I saw castles in the distance, I saw cows and horses and beautiful coastline, you know, the ocean, the Pacific Ocean just crashing, you know, against um the beaches and things like that and rocks. And I was like, ugh, like this is it. And that for me felt like real luxury. And in the time that I had already been in Europe, because I stopped in Denmark first, and in Ireland, my birthday had already passed. So I had been to Michelin Star Dinners, and I had been to um all those beautiful um cathedrals and landmarks and things. Um, and I'd done fun touristy things, but like this was it. It was like magical, and this is what felt like luxury for me. It was slow, it was quiet, it was intentional. Um, the people were like small town people, uh, you know, in like they weren't huts, but the homes were very small, and they had like these um, I now forget what they were called, but these very specific kind of thatch roofs that they made for these homes to keep them um cool uh in the summer and warm in the winter. And it was just like it was just beautiful for me. And it was something that I really enjoyed because that slow life to me is like real privilege. Like not being part of the hustle and bustle, not feeling like you're always chasing something, like really being able to slow down and like take in your surroundings and enjoy, you know, taking things one step at a time. To me, that is like real privilege, real wealth, uh, and real luxury. And what some people know about me, but not everybody knows about me, is that like I have a huge dream of owning um anywhere between five and twenty acres of land. And it's so funny to me because I'm like, uh I have this saying that I it's not original, I got from somebody else, that I am often early, but rarely wrong. And I feel like I'm somebody who has been wanting, you know, land, sovereignty, and a homestead and a farm way before it was cool and trendy and on the internet. Um I'm a master herbalist, so you know, I already plant medicinal plants and do farm the table in my own home uh garden and have an orchard of fruits and stuff like that at my own house in the suburbs, but like I have a huge dream of having this like in an expansive kind of way. And what I didn't expect to experience in Doolin, which is the small town in Ireland, was seeing my dream in real life. Because since so much of it is just a beautiful, expansive greenery, and a lot of it is just for grazing, I think, for like horses and cows, so there's not a lot that they're doing with that land, it is literally uh drawn-out uh acreage that you can just see. So because I've already been in the planning mode, um, because I think honey to manifest, you can go ahead and plant anything. So because I've been like, you know, looking on land, land um websites and things like that, shopping around for uh farmland and stuff like that, I've seen the dream on a computer screen, right? I've seen it on my phone, I've seen Zillow, you know what I'm saying? And I've seen uh maps of what, you know, five acres, ten acres, twenty acres, a hundred acres even, looks like. I've even seen drone footage of like this expansive acreage and what it looks like. And I know all the uh common ways people try to help you understand. So they say they're like an acre is equivalent to about a football field. Most of us have been to a football game. So you kind of have an idea in your head, like, okay, an acre is gonna be about that big. So when you want one acre or five acres, you have a better idea. But when we were driving through Doolin, these were literal cleared, separated acres at a time of beautiful, lush, green farmland, and they were all plotted out. So you could see them almost as like as far as your eye can see, from the road to like, you know, as far as they could go, or sometimes to the ocean. And that really changed me in a way. Like it really brought my dream to life. It wasn't something I had to imagine anymore. It was something I could see with my own eyes, and I saw exactly what a real acre looked like in front of me, and I saw what five acres plotted right next to each other look like, and ten acres plotted right next to each other look like. And I gotta tell you that seeing that kind of stuff in person, it's different. Like, you know, some people say like you can't be it if you can't see it. And I don't always believe that because I have such a big imagination, but like I get it from that perspective, because even with a vast imagination of being somebody who is a visionary, seeing that, that did it for me, honey. And I have like this little book, so sorry if you're listening on audio only, but if you're on um YouTube, you can kind of see. But like this book here is exactly what it looked like. Like it was sheep and castles and all that kind of wonderful stuff. And I don't need a castle per se, but um, but yeah, that was just such a beautiful moment. And I think we have to take stock in our lives of like when we have opportunities to um see the things that we want in real time. And that could be anything, it could be a you know, a job you want, it could be a goal you have, it could be a relationship that you want, um, or obviously it could be material things that you want to acquire, but putting yourself in position to um to actually see those things and hold them in your hand, I think that's really important because um that was such an impactful moment for me to um to see something that I've been only been dreaming about in real life and to and to I think realize like, yep, I do still want that. Because sometimes you see stuff and like it's not all as cracked up to be, or it's intimidating even. And you could be like, okay, child. I thought I needed that much, but I don't need five acres. I don't need 20 acres. And for me, it was validating. It was like, yep, that's gonna be us, honey. We're gonna we're gonna be outside with all the animals and the big uh the big barn and and all the things. And I think another thing that's really important is, and I think we talked about this in another episode, is like being in situations that help validate you from the perspective of like this is who I am, and like this is alignment, because sometimes we do grow up in spaces in families or in peer circles that don't necessarily mirror who we feel like we are on the inside. And because of that, um I think we can have a hard time trusting the version of ourselves that we see for ourselves. And when you often I think travel, because sometimes we and that can just be outside of your city, it doesn't have to be international, but like when you travel, you get an opportunity to expose yourself to different people, different cultures, different um, you know, ways people do things, and it can certainly allow you to be like, wait, this is me, like these are my people, or this is the way I I like to do things, this is the way I see the world. And, you know, people who do know me personally know they're like, I love a good luxury moment, honey. I love five-star hotels, I love flying first class or private, I love, you know, all the things. Um, but I also, when it comes like to my everyday life, I'm a very simple, calm person. Like, I love like the quiet life, I love quiet, the quiet luxuries of home, I love comfort and softness and um predictability in a sense. And while, you know, like I said, the night the the literal night before, I had had a beautiful uh like six or eight course Michelin Star Dinner, because it was my birthday, um, in Dublin, it was so welcoming to be on now three hours away on the west coast of Ireland in Dulin, Ireland, um, enjoying this delicious homemade like bowl of warm beef stew in a a small pub on like the side of the road. And I think that's those are things are important to acknowledge about yourself. Also to acknowledge, like, we're multifaceted human beings. None of us are one thing or have to be one thing. I think because we live in a world that loves to easily digest things and um doesn't operate with complexities very well, it tries to pigeonhole us as to one thing. And we always assume that we have to completely reinvent ourselves to um acknowledge another side of ourselves. And it's like, no, two things can be true, multiple things can be true at the same time. And like for me, I'm a girl except who loves girl, a good Michelin star dinner. Okay, I love it. But I also love a good warm meal and a blanket, and like just sitting there, the locals just kept saying, like, that this beef stew is amazing, like just skip everything else in the menu when you get to this pub, like just have that. And I was like, okay, you know, and it was cold outside, and like it was such a shift from like the day of like getting all dolled up and being all pretty and going to this beautiful, glamorous restaurant in the big city, and then um ending up in Duland with just like a ponytail in my hair, and my big coat, and having some warm stew next to a fire in a pub, and like the fact that like both of those people are me. And I think we all need to acknowledge that we don't have to be like one thing that's just easily understandable for other people. Like you're multifaceted, multifaceted, you're multi-layered, um, you can be all the things. Uh and that's really how I felt on this on this trip. I felt, you know, myself and I felt welcomed. And that was a welcome surprise as well. I mean, I know there was like a whole trend child on TikTok a while back that like Irish people in redheads and stuff was black. I don't know about all that, but um, but I did feel extremely welcomed and very comfortable where I was. And, you know, I think it was just nice to acknowledge like this life is not imaginary, it is realistic, and somebody in the world is out there living it. Somebody's out there having them a farm and raising, you know, vegetables and animals, and making delicious food and living in a warm, comfortable environment, and so can I. And I think that was really the the big takeaway from all of that experience for sure. And I think another example of like this like slow life versus fast-paced versus loud, like slow and quiet and calm that I experienced was on my actual birthday. And even though I was there for the entirety of my experience, it was like a birthday trip for the whole week. Um, I would say each acknowledgement of my birthday was so interesting. Because I think, you know, if you we all know that if you travel for your birthday or if you um go to a nice restaurant or anything, or not even a nice restaurant, you go to a club or whatever, usually the places have some kind of something. So I don't care if you go to Chili's or Applebee's, you know, you might get a free, you know, Sunday or something. And it seems like in the States, everything is like super loud and flashy and performative, and you know, there's sparklers and people coming out screaming at you. And um and some people love that. Like some people love attention, honey. They want the whole world to know it's my birthday. Um but some people don't, right? And it's like, so you some people like quiet acknowledgement, and we appreciate um just the being genuine and not just something that happens to everybody and for everybody. And I thought that was such a cultural shift in my experience. I travel for almost every birthday, and I've been to a lot of different places. And what was truly different in Ireland, and I don't know if that's in all of Europe, but certainly in Ireland, is how like thoughtful and intentional all of the birthday acknowledgments were. Um that was very different than what I've experienced either, particularly in the States, but um while traveling in general. For example, um in the hotel, they made it so beautiful for me. Like I had a beautiful bouquet of a several dozen roses um placed in my room and two different birthday cakes. Um, but again, no no hooting and hollering, which for me I appreciated. And um, I went to two different um Michelin star restaurants on the trip, one on my birthday and one on my last night there. And what was so surprising to me was that at each restaurant, the chef and the staff wrote me handwritten birthday cards. And I just thought that was just so kind and thoughtful because, you know, at the end of the day, even if you do that for people and you can say, Oh, well, it's an expensive restaurant. I've been to many expensive restaurants, they don't do that kind of thing. They they may just give you like some kind of dessert with a candle in it. Um that was really thoughtful, and people are at work, and you know, they took time out to to do that, and um, those are things that became keepsakes and part of my trip instead of just like a photo or a video that you post online so the other people can hit the like button, you know? And I thought that was just really special and intentional. So I think everybody's different in terms of what they view luxury and wealth as. But I think if you're anyone who's like me, you would agree that wealth and luxury tend to feel more authentic. Around quiet, uh, consistency, warmth, comfort. Um I I think having like your nervous system feeling safe and at home and um collecting like memorable experiences and not necessarily like big loud expressions that um that are more performative or kind of exist to show off or draw a lot of like momentary attention instead of being things that can last, you know, going forward, or things you can look back on fondly. So that felt you know truly luxurious to me, and I just kept having these moments where I was like, this place is really me. I can definitely didn't expect that in a country that didn't have a lot of brown people natively um that you know are from there for sure. But I was pleasantly surprised, and I I genuinely appreciated that um to the bottom of my heart. So like I said, not everybody would prefer that, but for me, it was um incredibly genuine and appreciated. So I think it's fair to say that sometimes travel changes you, and it certainly has changed me. There I've had places, you know, Alaska, Bali, Nigeria, um even Zanzibar, that changed me, like almost at a cellular level, it seems, depending on what happened. We can get into those at another time. Um that changed me for their you know distinct reasons. But I think what I learned on this trip that travel can sometimes confirm you, like confirm who you are and welcome who you are, validate who you are, and um make you feel just wonderful, peaceful, welcomed. And for me at least, as somebody who is a bit of a nomad. And because I travel so much, I don't tend to circle back to places very much. Um this was probably my not my first time, but one of the true times where I was like, I'll be back. Like, this could be one of my places that I like frequent and want to bring my family back to and um and spend time because it just had a sense of um personality, you know? So I would ask you guys, where have you been lately, recently, or even in the past that um that made you feel that way? Like have and it could be, it doesn't have to be international. Like, where have you been that made you feel like home? That whether it's the culture, the people, the food, the landscape, just the timing that made you feel like, yeah, this was it. This one wasn't necessarily supposed to be like some big adventure that shifted, you know, my perspectives or or who I am, but it really made me feel genuinely seen and heard and um made me feel a sense of peace and belonging. I would love to hear about that. Speaking of loving to hear about that, I f I always forget to mention it, but um I have like a text platform. So um I think it's in the show notes or in the description of the episodes, and there's a text number. So you can text any questions or comments or just back and forth so that we can chat. Obviously, if you're watching on YouTube, you can just leave comments um as well. And also I want to ask you guys, because I never ask, but can you please rate the podcast? Um, no matter where you're listening, you can rate the episodes individually, or you can rate the podcast depending on the platform. If you've been listening and rocking with me, because apparently we've had uh we hit today of the as of the date of this recording, not by the time you hear it, um, over a hundred downloads. So I'll snap. Thank y'all so much for listening and hanging out with me over all these episodes that I've been been doing and rocking with me. So uh, but yeah, so please rate um the podcast wherever you're listening or if you're watching on YouTube. You know, I think you basically just thumbs up and subscribe to my channel if you're not already subscribed. Um, but yeah, you can I do have a text number and you can text in any questions or comments, and then I can answer any questions right here on the podcast. So I thank y'all for hanging out with me and just kind of listening to me reminisce about my trip. And that's where I've been for the last couple weeks. Um and I think next week I want to talk a little bit more about travel, not specifically about me, but in a little bit different context. Um, and I'm gonna see what y'all think about that. So I'll talk to y'all later. Bye.