Cartoon Bushes Taught Us Puberty

The conversation starts where a lot of mom friendships start: pedicures we avoid too long, hair appointments we can’t schedule, and the kind of “maintenance” that somehow feels like a part-time job. We laugh about tanning, confidence, and doing makeup in the car, then get real about adult acne and how weird it is to watch your body change in your late 20s and 30s, especially after babies. It’s candid, unfiltered, and painfully relatable if you’ve ever put yourself last because there simply aren’t enough hours.  

From there, nostalgia hits hard. We talk about the way so many of us learned puberty and sex education through a book instead of a real conversation, and how that shaped what we didn’t know when it mattered. That thread leads straight into women’s health: postpartum periods that feel brutal, the messy realities of birth control, and the “if we’re done having kids, what now?” talks that couples sometimes dodge. We also say the quiet part out loud about bodily autonomy and shared responsibility, including why vasectomy comes up in real marriages.  

Then the tone shifts to the parenting topics that keep us up at night: teaching kids anatomical names, boundaries, and what “private parts” actually means, without fear or shame. We share practical child safety language, why “secrets” can be a red flag, and how we want our kids to trust their gut and have safe adults they can always go to. We end on what might be the biggest takeaway of all: confidence. We want to raise kids who respect others, set standards, resolve conflict in healthy ways, and know they can call us no matter what.  

If you like honest motherhood conversations, parenting advice that’s actually usable, and the kind of mom podcast that can go from funny to heavy in one breath, hit play. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more parents can find Momish.

Transcript

Sunday Funday And Beauty Maintenance

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Welcome to Momish. It's our weekly Sunday Funday yap session, and this one's for the girls.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

The gals. Question for y'all. Ask away. How often are you supposed to get a pedicure?

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Oh a lot. I haven't gotten one. Let me just say, more often than I get them. I was like honestly embarrassed to get a pedicure the last time, which was like last week. And I know that like you know they're talking shit. That's the thing, is like, you know, I know that's their job, but it's like, but the longer you wait, the more embarrassed you're gonna be. So I need to go now. Because it's past that point like eight months. Yeah. No what? I just don't have it had been that long for me before I went last week.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

I went after Crew was born.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

And I want to go. I just I'm like, I don't I have other I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

I don't have time for it. Granted, your like upkeep as a woman gets a little bit more difficult with children and the less time that you have, but yeah. It's all rough in the the streets. Yeah, if I have tanner on, I'm like, alright, we're doing it. Yeah. Thriving.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Tanner is like a non-negotiable for me. I know. I'd envy that about you so much. I have to do it because I like it elevates my confidence. Which I say, you know, not knocking people that don't do tanner, but like for me, it's like it's something that like I feel like, oh, I'm like so much skinnier now. Wait, I was just gonna say, what's that saying that you say? Oh, tan fat is better than pale fat. I mean it is, so it's you know, it just is. So like and the there's a reason why bodybuilders wear that like obnoxiously dark tanner be or like bronzer because it makes your muscles look so like if you're feeling a little frumpy, put some tanner on. It's probably just you're you're pale.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Yeah, no, my baseline skin tone is translucent. See through.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Yeah. Like I love you, but you're pretty fucking you're fair. You're fail. Failed. You're fair.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Um fair, but how often are you supposed to get your hair done?

Hair Appointments And Mom Guilt

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Because I struggle with that. I guess it depends what you do. Yeah, what you have, like I don't know what I have.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

I used to do like blonde highlights, like blonde roots. And so when I I would have to go much more often, but that was pre-babies. And then once I started having kids, I, you know, it was like I can't. So I was at I had like the the grow out, you know, of my roots was like super obvious. So then my hairstylist was like, well, let's do like a shadow root. And like you can have the shadow root, so then it like blends into the blonde rather than doing, you know, you know, having to come back. Because I told her straight up, I was like, I can't get here like I used to. And also it's shit's expensive. So she, you know, that and we go to the same hairstylist. So she will do, yeah, she's wonderful. So she's back in business. Okay. Because I have an appointment with her next week. But shout out Lauren. She great. Lauren P. She works at uh Salon offset over by Southwent. Check her out. She's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

It's just hard to like maybe it's a thing that I like I'm not making time for myself. You're probably not because it's hard to figure out what time. Like, I I don't think she works on the weekends. She does. Oh, does she? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Well, I think Sunday Sundays are I think like her, you know, she's got kids that do like sports and shit, so she's not always around on Sundays, but Saturdays I think she works.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Like, I want to go during the week, but going during the week means I gotta put him in daycare to find someone to watch him, and then it's just like I'd rather just pay for daycare regardless.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Like take a look at the three.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

I'd have to pay an extra day. Oh, you pay them a day for full time. No, you play three days, that's why it's true.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

Oh, okay. Well, yeah, I get that. That's why a lot of daycare is just like you pay by the week or yeah, we got lucky.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Our daycare, they're also that's nice. But you don't care, like you know, usually if you do three days a week, you have to do certain days. They're like, nah, just bring whatever.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Honestly, well, I guess like if Bowie was like not as active, I didn't want to like make it sound like a negative because it's not he's great. But he's kind of a nut. So like with Noah and Crew, like Crew now, I don't know if I could bring him, but like when Crew is like kind of a little bit younger, he was just like, I'm good where I'm at, and I could just like put him there. And Noah will watch her iPad now, but because I've taken her to get a haircut, and I usually just bring her when I do my hair. So Lauren will cut her hair when I'm processing with my color, and then after that, she'll just like chill.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

But she's yeah, it wasn't relaxing for me last time when I brought a kid. So nowadays I'm just gonna You know, and that's the thing is you shouldn't have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

That's yeah, and like that's kind of you know, do what you gotta do, you know, if it's you know, a time crunch. But also take the time for your time. But yeah, take time for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

I will watch Bell Aids so you can get your hair done.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah, totally watch Bell Edo so you can get your hair done.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

He'll just be walking around in a walker. I got two. What's one more? Give them some balloons.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Might as well. Yeah. I mean, Noah's pretty self-sufficient, or she'll just like be fucking shit up in the backyard while watch babies.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

But um, I have a trip coming up, so I'm like, all right, I need eyebrows done. I need tan on, I need female.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

It's a

Car Makeup And Adult Acne

SPEAKER_03 5:34

lot of work. Um I don't know how I used to wake up early and beat makeup on before work. Now I'm like, uh Do y'all see why I do my makeup in the car?

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Before I can't do it. I can't probably crack my time management skills. Well, yesterday for for our dinner, that was I wasn't driving. So but but for on my way to work, I usually do the like really complicated or like things that I need to be paying attention for once I get to work.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

But like, you have a little bag for work.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Yes. So I have like my makeup bag that I like make for work, but like if I'm doing like complicated, like I usually don't do any eye makeup for work because I just like I just want my s my imp skin imperfections to be covered up, which I don't know if if there's other people out here that are in their 30s that did not have I had flawless skin and I'm not like talking because I'm not like just trying to brag, but was a teenager zero acne. Flawless. I had acne like I I never wore foundation, never. And it was just like the best thing ever. And then as soon as I hit like 27, it just went ape shit. And then I actually read a book called The Defining Decade call talking about your 20s. Great book. Everybody listeners, I don't know if you're if you have kids, you don't have kids, it's a great book to read. Um, and I actually read it like paperback, like not like not an audio book, like old school write a book. And my sister recommended it, Mare Mare. It's a great book, and it actually said in there that apparently your body is like getting prepared to have children. So, like, oh, if you have this like big hormone shift where you're getting like cystic hormonal acne, it's because your body is like, it's time to have thibes. And so that's why. But anyway, yeah, like my point was is anyone else out there struggling with acne in their late 20s, early 30s? I'm in my mid-30s, but that's honestly not talking about the book that you were talking about.

Puberty Books And The Missing Talk

SPEAKER_03 7:36

I thought you were like, Did anyone read that American girl book growing up?

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Oh my god. That's what this book is. What was it called? The thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Oh, the caring keeping of you? Yes. The carrying and keeping of you. I remember it because it's scarred. It's a rite of passage a little bit because I'm looking at cartoon bushes. Yes, yes. Yeah, the breasts. Yeah, the like the little like pointy breasts and the in the cartoon bush that was in my face. My mom's like, here's this book to learn about your body. Instead of being like, hey, let's talk about like sex and puberty. She's like, here's this book about cartoon bushes.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

I saw that on TikTok recently, and I was like, it's one of those things where if somebody else says it, you're like, I thought it was only a me. No, no, and then it's not only based on how many people liked and commented on it. I was like, it was all of us. It was a whole generation. American Girls had them? Oh yeah. Okay. I yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

American Girl had a fucking chokehold on my. That is that should go into like the archives of like you know, relics. Yeah, it's like a relic. You should put it in the museum. It's like one of those things in like 200 years, there it's gonna be like in They're gonna be dusting it off.

unknown 8:57

Look at that.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

It's like it's a dinosaur fossil. And this is how girls learn about the botties.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

And this is y'all bush stage one. Cartoon bush. And here's your titty. Do not see it. Yeah, and this is like and this is how we learned how to take care of our bodies because our parents were too weird to tell us in person about puberty. They were like, Here's a book.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Let me know if you have any questions.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Let me know if you have any questions, and I'll refer you to another book. They're like, this is too much for us. Like, when I think about it, it's like everybody's like, you know, on TV, they're like, the sex talk with your kid. And I'm like, I didn't have a sex talk. My parents did not give me a sex talk.

unknown 9:40

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Did yours?

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Not that like stands out in my mind. My grandma was like, Do you know about the birds and the bees? I said, I've heard enough about the bees. And that's the sex. I said, please stop talking. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Birds and the bees, it's like the old school. Yeah, that's the old one. And I'm like, first of all, those two don't interact. If you think about it like from like on a perspective that, like, you know, and you're not a kid, birds and bees, they don't intermingle. They're so like what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah, I don't know. I guess that's just covering everything.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Yeah, like I guess you're covering all your bees.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Did you have a six circuit?

SPEAKER_03 10:19

I mean it's yes and no.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

I don't want to I was like in straight internet chat rooms when I was like 12. She's like a fucking boss. Omegle. Omegle. Oh, mine was like like AIM, like chat rooms. Yeah, I got fucking chastised by my parents. Yeah, that's scary back in the day saying that's how you learned about sex. I mean, I definitely figured some things out in here. But like the full, like, I don't know. I get like when I think about back to like about I don't know, did I just like you I didn't Google it? Me neither. So I guess I figured it out somehow. I mean, I got two kids. Yeah, I don't know. I don't remember how I how but I just remember that book. And I remember that book was like, okay, that got it. All my questions. I just remember like that's one of my like biggest memories when it comes to like defining moment of your life. Yeah, yeah. It's it was a defining moment where I'm just like looking at cartoon vagina bushes, and I'm just like, do I have to have one of these? Like, do I need to like this?

SPEAKER_01 11:23

I don't have to do everybody.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

It's like, why is it so furry?

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Like, even getting what do I do with it?

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Yeah, like do we are we like not like escaping this at all? Are we just like letting it go like while they are?

SPEAKER_01 11:37

This is the 70s, we're letting it all and I and I feel like it was our generation

Periods After Birth And Shock

SPEAKER_01 11:41

too. That like, were you guys just like thrown birth control?

SPEAKER_03 11:44

Only because of Accutane.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

Okay, my mom put me on birth control when I was in middle school. No, not not from what you think, because it's so the thing is is like you know, I'm not knocking her because she did what she with what she knew, and my mom is is a nurse to this day. She was went with the fact that she knew, which was that, you know, if your periods are challenging, then you should get on birth control. And now we know that that's like not a solution. But back then it was like, oh, you have challenging, a lot of like horrible cramps, heavy bleeding, blah, blah, blah. Like you should get on birth control. So my mom was like, we'll just start you on on the pill. And so, I mean, I was I was like 12 or 13, because I started my period at 10, which my mom's favorite pastime. No, I was 11, excuse me. She loves to laugh about my reaction to my period for the first time, which I found to be very traumatizing because I was 11. Oh, I was stoked. I was excited too for some. Oh, I was upset. I was 11.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

I was 17.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

So that's a topic in itself. Yeah. So I was 11. I was in the fifth fucking grade. So I cried and I was like, I'm not ready for this. And my mom was just like, now she like thinks it's hilarious to bring up. And I'm like, I'm still like traumatized traumatized by that because I was like a little girl, essentially. Yeah, being 11 and starting your period is wild. But yeah, she thinks it's funny. And I'm like, bitch, it's not funny.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

I was 11 or 12, but it was like St. Patty's Day, and I was hanging out with my aunt, and I was like, DC, I got my period. I remember she's like, shit, I only got tampons. She was like, All right, let me go. Hold on, let me go to the store and get it.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah, I was saying tampons are not your first period, it's go to. And I was just like, okay. It took me a minute to be cool with tampons.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Yeah. Yeah. That was a learning curve in itself. I did dance recital, and it was like with the costume, you just can't be wearing a diaper pad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

So today's the day. I would rather bleed in my underwear than wear a pad. Uh yeah. I will show the paper up there. And then rather like the you know, we have pads at work. Like if I'd like like four feet long. Yeah, those things are wildly obnoxious. Those things are so thick. Like, what do you wear overnight?

SPEAKER_03 14:03

Those are if you're if you have your period now overnight, do you wear a tampoon? No. Just you know what?

SPEAKER_01 14:08

Well, when you I'm relearning how to be a woman.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Oh, that's right. You even had a period in like a year.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

You still haven't done two and a half. Oh, two and a half years I didn't have. No, you did get it.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

That's crazy. I my period came back as soon as I went back to work with with Aphrodinoa.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Mine took six back. But once. I know that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

I know that's so wild to me. Like that your body's like because you didn't have one for a while. That is, yeah, that is gonna do it. Mine came back immediately when I went to Charlotte. It was like, oh, you were away from your baby? Time to bleed to bleed. And let me tell you, postpartum periods are not breaking apart. Yeah. I've been like, am I okay? No. Do I need to go to the I do I need like an iron pill?

SPEAKER_03 14:52

Because it's maybe I should because I felt exhausted. I was like, I think I'm I need to lay down. Like you, I can't move. I was exhausted.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

So it's rough. It's because your body's like backward.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

Yeah, you're back. I thought I was getting the flu because I was that tired. Wow. Nope, just not here. It should be. Just being a woman.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

I just feel like nowadays, like girls and women are like more cautious about taking birth control than taking a pill to what? Convince your body that it's pregnant. Like, that can't be good.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

Oh my god. One time I is this is this a eight was I 18 or 19, maybe 20 years old, and I was in college, right? I was on birth control and I missed a day or two. So dumbass Gabby double up three birth control pills. I've doubled up, but never three. I've immediately taken three.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

That's wild.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

Well, I wouldn't recommend because I was sick.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Also, my version of birth control is a day after a pill. Not anymore. My husband and I, we've evolved, we've grown. We're getting better at this. Because he's like hellbent not having any more kids, so he's much more careful. But back in the day, because I came off birth control, I was like, no, like I'm not doing it. I've done enough. I'm to put you know, to the like I've had two babies, like I've done enough. I don't want, you know, and I'm not having like a tube tube ligation, any of that shit. Which, if for all of you non-medical people, is getting your tube side. Your tube side getting fixed as a girl.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

I'm not sick. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Yeah, I'm not doing that shit. So if my husband wants to not have any more kids, then he needs to get a vasectomine. And he's voluntarily said that he would do it. But I think just last night I told him until you got the appointment. Right.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

He hasn't that means he wants more kids if he hasn't had the appointment.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Yeah. So we use well, just for we're we don't use the day after a pill as much for birth control as we used to.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

But that stuff messed me up too. Oh yeah, that'll fuck you. I mean it's definitely not a good time.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

That's like that shit'll fuck you. That it makes your period all like go it makes it go crazy and like it it makes it start early or late and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

So it's crazy. Because I was on the pill for since I was 15. Until 27. Wow. Wait, but you didn't start your period to you for 17? Okay, so no, I was 16. Okay. Okay. 16 for both. Oh, okay. Okay, nice. Okay. Yeah, that makes more sense. I was a senior in high school. Dang. You were like, Yeah, I got it. Oh, I was stoked. Yeah. That's crazy. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

I would have loved to like it to be like a normal time, like 14, 15, but yeah, when I was like 11, I was like, this is normal. Like, I was so unprepared.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Yeah, that's scary because it's like, when do you talk to your kids about

Birth Control Doubts And Vasectomy Talk

SPEAKER_01 17:37

that?

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Then I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Early. Well, you have a boy. That's at that's called Adam. He's not gonna be. I mean, he's already figuring out what his balls are. He's like, what is that?

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Yeah, you have a boy, so but like, do you think that you want Adam to have the conversation, the sex talk with him? Or are you gonna give him a male version?

SPEAKER_03 17:58

I want my son to be respectful, obviously. And like I don't know, it's it's such a tough topic, but I think I mean, even that show on TLC, Young and Pregnant, or whatever, the girl's like third, like oh, unexpected. Yes, that one, that one. She's so young. The dad is 13. Yes, like 13. I just feel like this sex talk, not even has to be a sex talk, but part of it, I I don't know, understanding like your consequences and and all this stuff.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

I think it should be before they get to middle school because middle school shit like kids get wild in middle school and you know, make because like sixth grade, I was, you know, you're still a kid, and you know, I'm not saying that you like sexualize uh things that like kids I guess it depends on like how like your maturity level of your child. Because yeah, some kids are like, you know, I remember boys in the sixth grade with me were very they're like advanced, ready to go.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

They're ready to go, they're perverts, they're well and now they're social media, so it's like even if you don't have that conversation with your kid, they're probably gonna hear it.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

Yeah, somebody's gonna they're gonna figure it out one way or another. And like who do you want it to come from?

SPEAKER_02 19:12

Like rather than it's like I know that that's like one of those conversations that's like is who's it gonna be more awkward for? But like you just have to make sure your kids are prepared.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

And I feel like it shouldn't be such a taboo thing.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

No, not not at all. And also, which like do you guys tell like I know your your daughters too? Do you use like anatomical for body parts? I've heard that I really haven't had to yet. So like so I just listened to the camera, but

Teaching Boundaries And Body Safety

SPEAKER_02 19:43

here we are. Yeah, but here we are. So I I listen to this podcast called Big Little Feelings and shout out. It's a mom podcast, but it's there the mom, one of the moms is I don't know if both of them are or just one, but she's like a licensed social worker. So but she had her own episode recently where it was just her talking about like you know, sexual abuse and trauma and all this stuff. And I don't want to make it like a heavy episode, but I don't know with it. But just talking about how to talk to your kids about that. And so I guess like she had her own experience with sexual trauma, and it was actually with another peer. So it was her like neighbor who was also a kid. So like teaching your kids about you know, like sexual abuse, but also teaching your kid like you know, about like boundaries and like making sure your kid is in either one of those experiences, because even if a child she emphasized, which I thought was really cool, was to emphasize like if you were a child that you know was the person doing those things to another child, that's not your fault either.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Like, do they even know what they're doing? Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

And so that's the thing is like it's still trauma for the person that experiences it, but for a child, doing that to another child is also not someone's fault. That's the child. But again, there's a whole aspect of like teaching your kids about private parts and you know, giving them like because like I feel like my parents' generation was very much like the like the the not the cutesy names, but like the the different names for the body parts that was like, you know, and so like I was very blessed to never have have, you know, experienced anything like that. But I think that it's something, especially this day and age, is something that you have to talk about, unfortunately, with your kids and making sure like we've I've made a really big effort to try to like explain to Noah like what body parts, the real anatomical names, because that's it's something that we unfortunately you just have to deal with as as being parents in this generation that there's fucking weirdos and creeps on every, you know, in every aspect. And you know, teaching your kids like how to say no, how you know, when to ask for help, and like knowing like private parts are you know only for cleaning. Mommy and daddy can help with cleaning and For you to touch. And that's it. Or your teacher at school, you know, to help you get clean. But teaching them like penis, vagina, blah, blah, blah. Because that's something that I feel like, you know, by parents' generation was like PP or such a different name for a family. And like, like you're you're I don't even know what you would call a bottle as a good pet name. I guess I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Like call it for what it is.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

I just say I say vagina and penis. And so Noah's some so cute. She is like, Daddy has a penis. Like, yep. And she goes, Crew has a penis. I'm like, yep. And she goes, mommy and I have a vagina. I'm like, that's exactly right, girl. So I like, I've been trying to like emphasize a lot. Like, that's good. Mommy and daddy can touch you and your private parts. And your private parts are your butthole and your vagina and your mouth. I didn't even think about your mouth. And like the the And your boobs too for right. And so like these are the parts that you like, girl like bathing suit, parts that you cover up with a bathing suit. And so I was just like really listening to this episode. I'm like, damn, like these are things that are so helpful. And it's like you're kind of like bringing it to their level and talking to them about it.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

The scary thing to think about, too, to like talk. Like you're like, oh my God, I don't even want to think about what it's important.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

It's not just for the like the worst case scenario that we're thinking of, but it's also just like, hey, these are things that you want to keep covered up. Like, you know, like making sure that they are, you know, like you're making sure, and this was another thing that she said was like making sure you teach your kid to trust their gut. If something feels weird and something feels off, then it's trust that feeling. Yeah. And, you know, making sure that they have safe adults to talk to and feeling safe with, you know, and anybody that says like secrets are not, secrets are bad. So there's things that you can like teach your, you know, we never call it a secret. There's things that you like want to say, oh, this is like, you know, if someone ever says like this is our little secret, like that's a red flag. And teaching your kid that like secrets are not okay. You know, there's things that you can like keep kind of like, you know, close to your chest or whatever you wanted to do, but like secret, the word secret is not okay. And so, I mean, I didn't want to make this like a creepy, sad episode, but like it's something that's really important, especially being moms in this generation. Like, there's, you know, I don't know if you guys have been following this guy that was a FedEx driver that uh done it and killed that little girl.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

Oh, I don't know if I want to see them.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

You don't uh yeah. So this guy is obviously gonna be ho. I mean, I wish they did the chair for people like this still, because he deserves to I got some homework tools. Yeah, but that's the thing, is like you have to teach your kids the things that are like that are hard to stomach. And that was that's one of those things that she this podcast I listen to, I love it. And they're just always talking about, you know, the hard things, and that's what I want to keep on for this podcast is like talking about the funny shit and you know the hard stuff is also really important to you.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

You can't be everywhere, and that's scary. You're not gonna be everywhere that your kid is. So you need to prepare for those moments.

Be The Parent They Can Call

SPEAKER_03 25:06

My dad, and I still remember it as a kid like multiple times, and I'll probably say it to Bowie too, because it had such like a profound thing in my life that he was like, I don't care what situation you're in, no matter where you are, no matter what, if you think you're in trouble or if you think I'm gonna be upset at you, I don't care. Call me. Yeah. And like he said he would say it so much, and I was like, All right, I get it, I get it. And like there's been times at like 5 a.m. I'm like, hey, and he will answer the phone right away. Really?

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Yeah. And I feel like my parents, my mom was like she didn't emphasize it like that, and I wish she had of because she was like a good parent, like where you could talk to her about anything, but she didn't like make it state it enough where so like I always felt like I had to hide stuff, but she knew.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

I mean, uh, you know, like within I still had my own thing. Well, but like if I was in a situation like out at 2 a.m., yeah, like call me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

And I think like following through on it is like you could say it till you're blue in the face, but like make making sure you saw a face where it's like okay, well, I'm not gonna chastise you and I'm not gonna like you know rip you apart for it. Like you called me and I'm happy. Like we can have a conversation as to like how we got here, but yeah, let's figure out in the moment how can I help you right now.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

And that's the thing is like you I never want you to not feel safe. And that's the thing is if you feel unsafe, you can call me. You never have to lie to you know, to me to like to protect yourself. Like, you don't have to protect yourself from me. I'm always going, and Gil, I know feels the same way that like we both want to be those parents that's like we're always gonna be here to protect you. And if you feel unsafe in a situation, we aren't gonna be there to judge you or we'd rather you call. I'd rather you call me and wait to mess up instead of putting yourself in a situation.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

I used to say too, you'd be like, I don't want to be the parent that's gonna have to identify you in the middle. And at the time I'm like, I don't understand what he said. But now I'm like, shit, you said it's heavy, dude.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

Yeah, right. It's heavy. But and being a parent, it's like that's such a big response.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

So you want to like protect them from everything, but like at the same time, you're like, they're gonna make mistakes. They have to learn. But I hope you make the mistakes that like, you know, they're gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

But the thing is, is that you gotta let them fuck up and stuff, you know. You gotta let them do this stupid shit. Like, I, you know, my my brother and I both got drinking tickets on the same night, which I was like, that was a mega legal fee. Uh like, oh no, I remember her being like, oh my god, like just as soon as I thought I was in a good spot financially, then you fucking motherfuckers showing you this. I was like, damn, that's so true. And like I remember thinking, like, oh man, I feel so guilty. But to this day, because my brother be fucking up still, he we use the same lawyer. That lawyer's in business.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yeah, keeping him in business.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Oh, yeah, but you're keeping him in business. Well, not anymore for me, but yeah. He's a good person.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

I've had this thought a lot where it's like I'm 30, I'm a mom now, so I'm on the other side of things, but I feel like I I remember being younger and making poor decisions like it was yesterday. And it's so weird to find myself on the other side of it. So when I think about how I'm going to like parent my girls or you know, correct those things, it's so hard because it's like I did that, but it's how do you take that knowledge?

SPEAKER_02 28:20

But then also in like a healthy way, like teach them or like hey, it's gonna happen. Yeah, or you know, maybe these are the things that could have been different, yeah, so that certain things didn't happen. Yeah, I because I did a lot of stupid shit, especially with boys. And that's the thing, it's like I, you know, having a girl and then also having a boy, like I want to make sure that I don't I teach my son like not to be one of those little boys, like one of those boys, not little boys, but like the boys that like were just like little perverts, you know. Like I just remember some of the stuff that I experienced in middle school, and I just like chalked it up as like okay. And as an adult woman now, like I would literally fucking set that kid's house on fire if they did that to my child, like just some of the stuff that I endured, and like I'm not gonna talk about it, you know, this is a little I don't want to put any of my own blast, but like I just when I think about it, I'm like, damn, like I should have known better and I should have been able to like say no and like think about these things, and I just like I want to make sure that Noah and Crew, Crew knows like and not and girls can do you know those types of things to boys too, but like we historically know boys their urges are obnoxious, and so we need I like I want to be the mom that like teaches their son, like you know, women deserve respect and their bodies are theirs, and no means no, and all the things and all the like trigger buzzwords that I'm blinking on right now. But like I just want to make sure that both of my kids know that like the other have res respect the other gender and and respecting the same gender, you know, like making sure like there's all sorts of things that you know we just need to respect the fact that like you know, people's bodies are themsel on their own, and like you need to make sure that things you can do to Don and I have had this conversation a lot because when you find out you're pregnant with a girl, like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

I feel like your mind automatically goes to like, oh, they're gonna be a teenage girl one day. And that's a scary thought. And then finding out we're pregnant with our second girl, we're like, oh god. Yeah. And you know, we've been told time and time again from so many people, like, oh wow, two girls, like good luck. Which I mean, I get it, but I think just being prepared

Raising Confident Kids With Standards

SPEAKER_01 30:36

for that. And I've told Dylan that I think the biggest thing you can do when you find out that you're having a girl and raising a girl is giving them self-confidence because self-confidence will make a girl unstoppable. Yep. Like if they have confidence, they have confidence to stand up to the middle school boys. Yes. They have confidence to not put up with the stupid things that are inevitable and you're growing up phasing.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

So they know when to like, this is I'm worth that more than this. I can step away and be okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

That was one thing my parents did so well. Like, I, you know, I I messed around and I, you know, made mistakes and had my own things growing up, but I had enough self-confidence to say no to a lot of situations and not put myself in what could be risky situations. So now when I go into my parenting decisions or how I think I'm gonna have conversations with Charlie and Isla, I always keep that at like the forefront of my mind is like, how am I gonna make sure that I'm raising like two very self-confident girls?

SPEAKER_03 31:33

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Because I I think I learned for myself firsthand how important that was.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

But yeah, it is. And once you have that self-confidence too, like I mean, I had it growing up, but like, I don't know, you wax and wane a little bit, and then absolutely I got to a point in my last or whatever relationship where I was like, I'm not going through this anymore. I I'm better off with the set. Like it might be hard in the moment to walk away, but like it's gonna be worth it. And having respect for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

Yeah, I have more respect for myself. I put up with a lot of stuff, and I think it's I think your daughter needs to see is your spouse treating their mother with respect. My dad was wonderful in a lot of ways, but I feel like he worked a lot and was gone a lot, and so I think that like there were certain things like I just never like learned when I was younger, and so I just kind of tolerated a lot of stuff from especially from boys. And I think that like is something that girls need is a male presence. And I learned a lot of things the hard way, and especially when it came to boys, and so that's something that I really want to make sure Noah learns from before no see there, she's in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Yeah, seeing a healthy relationship, I think, does so much for kids. And I mean, it that doesn't necessarily have to mean between like a husband and wife, just a healthy friendship, conflict resolution, husband, wife, whatever it is, just a healthy relationship between two adults because I think then it in turn makes them have high standards for any relationship, friendship, whatever with them.

SPEAKER_02 33:08

That's a good point. I don't think they get into that. Yeah, well, you're your family dynamic was a lot different.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Yeah. But I I can see, like, I think now as an adult, I'm like, I want that for my child. Like, I I mean, obviously we're gonna argue it's points, but you like There's nothing wrong with arguing.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Right, arguing is healthy, but the red resolution is what kids need to see is that arguing and speaking your your mind and communicating healthly. But yeah, being able to resolve an issue and your kids witnessing that other than just like, you know, brushing it under the rug or an argument that results in like radio silence or you know, whatever it is, like conflict conflict resolution is something that like I yeah, I didn't always see. And so making sure you do it in front of your kids, even if it's something silly, you know, just making sure that they know, like, okay, you can have like there's nothing wrong with arguing, there's nothing wrong with having a discussion and disagreeing, it's the the resolution and the respect of the other person.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

That's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

I hate apologizing, but it's it's it's really important. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Dang, the heavy part to being a parent.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

The scary parts to the scary parts like the heavy I got a parent now.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

No, and it's just like I still feel like so immature in so many ways. There's so many things that I'm just like, oh my god, I have to deal with this. And I just when I was a kid, I think about my parents and I'm like, damn, they were like my age. Right. And I thought my parents were like lame in so many ways, but now I'm like, damn, they were just like me. They were just figuring that shit out. You know what it like I think about it now and I'm like, oh my god, like they weren't just like dorks, you know, or like like, but or just like you know, you think your kids are your parents are so much older. No, then you like go once you reach that age, you're like, I'm not that old. You reach such a different level of understanding for your parents when you become one because you're like, oh yeah. Okay, now I get where the stress is in the and more res maybe a little bit more respect.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

Like obviously I respect them as when you're growing up, but now that I'm on the other side, I'm like, oh, and now I understand how much you love me.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Here's a not that you didn't know that before, but still experiencing that love. That love is wild.

Grace For Parents And Letting Heartbreak Happen

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Yep. Here's a for me, what age do you do you if you remember this or if you don't, but like what age were you at when you realized like your mom or dad was right about all the shit that they said? Do you remember really like for me it was very defining.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Mine comes in parts, I feel like.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Mine was very defining. I was like 22 or 23, and I just remember saying my mom, like, damn.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

No, mine came in parts because I made some big life decisions when I was 17 and moved out of my house. That's wild. And almost in the moment, if not shortly after, I was like, this isn't right. Really? This is not what's supposed to happen. But I was so stubborn and so hard headed that I was like, no, like I already said it, I already did it.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Yeah. I'm already this far in. Yeah. I've already like set, like I've already set the tone, like I'm not gonna go back now.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

I knew it then, but it honestly, I feel like a lot of it was maybe not I was gonna say recently in becoming a parent, but no, I knew it before that.

SPEAKER_02 36:19

I did know it before, but like with becoming a mom, I think that kind of just like it there was a lot of things. Like I had a very conflicting feeling with like my parents at first, where like I was like, I looked at my baby and I'm like, oh my god, there's so many things that like I would have done differently to for me as a mom, you know, as a child. We've said before, like you kind of have to have that grace and that understanding for your parents. They're doing life for the first time too. Yeah, they're doing the best they can, they're doing, they're working with what they got and the knowledge that they have, and times are different. That's taken a lot of you know, a lot of years and a lot of therapy to kind of understand and respect that my parents were still wonderful people and they were wonderful parents. But my therapist told me she's like, You could have a wonderful childhood and it still hurt.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

And I was like, damn, that's so profound. And it's true. Like, I had a great childhood in so many ways, but there are things that, you know, still affected me in a way that, like, you know, the time or you just the whatever was going on in the world, like, you know, just we we know different now. And we we know we've learned from our mistakes, and so we know like there's just certain things you don't do anymore. Like babies sleeping on their bellies, we don't do that anymore. So there's there's one thing that now hindsight, I can understand so much more. So growing up, I feel like mine tried so hard to protect me from an inevitable heartbreak. Oh, and in doing so, it almost made it worse. Yes, I can.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

And so when my daughters get to that age, I feel like I've now understand from the other side that like you kind of have to let your kids experience heartbreak and not prevent it from happening. Yeah. And also not be, you know, I told you this was gonna happen. It's like that's not hard here.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

And I understand, you know, having kids myself, like where my mom was at, you know, she never wants to see her kids hurting your kids. Especially because she knew the outcome of what was gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

But me as a child, I was so stuck in my ways, and I am somebody that needs to learn it the hard way. I'm not gonna take your word for it. I have to figure that out myself.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Being a teenage girl, like people trying to tell you what you don't want to hear, you might as well be talking to a you're just gonna do the opposite picture. I my dad was my first like real boyfriend who like that's all I'll say. Uh he wanted so badly to keep me away from him, and that just made me want to do it more. And like that may sound like a cliche, but genuinely it was just like it wasn't to get back at my dad, but it was like the subconscious where it's like, no, like I love him, and trying to keep your kids from doing the things that you know, like you can see the future, like you know, like I know how this is gonna end because I was 13 or what like trying to tell your kid that that's 14, 15 at that time, you're just you're you're not gonna get through. And so you just you have to give them the space to be 15 and experience those things for the first time, but also like make sure they're safe. Make sure, yeah, make sure, but make sure that they, you know, trust that they can come to you when things get shitty or you know, whatever whatever it is, like making sure you're the parent that not like that you're being a friend, but being uh, you know, some someone there for them that they can talk to. That's safe space. And that was the thing. My mom was always that for me, where she would just listen to me talk for hours.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Well, I think that's the biggest thing is you know, when my kids get to that age where we're you know, we all inevitably have that heartbreak, you know. I can say it so you're blue at the face, and I probably will, but I'm gonna l give them that space to figure it out. And when it does happen, I have the ice cream. I'm gonna yeah. Yes. Let's go. I'll have the ice cream. Yeah, yeah. Have our sad movie night. Yeah, we're gonna pick up the pieces and move on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

And I think that's the biggest thing. The beautiful thing too about heartbreak, I think a lot too, like if you don't experience heartbreak, you're never gonna find your one true love. No.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

And that's the thing is you have to like make sure that you experience the bad shit. And not saying that everybody has to experience that, because I know some people that found their person in middle school, which is wild to me, because if I ever ended up with if I ended up with a person I that I was like in love with in my freshman year of high school, I'd be divorced. I'd be divorced in a custody battle. It would be bad. You know, some people are just they are who they are, and they, you know, find their person that early on. But like for me, like I had to go through a lot of bullshit to figure out like the type of person that I needed.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

Yeah, and I mean I've changed as a person.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

Oh yeah, me. I've evolved so much. Like, I would not like me.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

I was not like 22-year-old.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

No, I was a lot. I'm not zombie toxic. Yeah, oh yeah, toxic. I yeah, that's a learning curve in itself, especially if you've been with people that are vicious cycle. Yeah, vicious cycle. And yeah, I mean, obviously they can go into the psychology of abuse and how it can being abused can also in turn make you develop bad habits for future relationships. But I mean, I've had to unlearn a quite a bit of things to have a healthy relationship. It's been a lot of learning curves for me and him, but for me especially, just unlearning bad behaviors and bad, you know, communication skills or whatever it may be, because I was with someone that made me feel like less of a human. And so being with someone that's like healthy and knows how to communicate, you're just like, what? Yeah, like, no, we're supposed to be screening at each other and throwing things. And he's like, What do you know? We're gonna like talk about it. I'm like, this is nice. This is nice. Well, we should probably wrap it up. I know I gotta that episode took a turn. I don't think I was I didn't, I hadn't mentally prepared for all that. Oh bad, y'all. No, no, it's not a bad thing. I think it's good. Sometimes it's just going on the fly. I feel like that's the motto of this podcast. Yeah, just kind of roll with it.

Wrap Up And Goodbye

SPEAKER_01 42:18

Well, thank you for listening to Momish. Motherhood isn't perfect, neither are we. Laugh, swear, hug your kids, sip your drink. You're Mamish, and that's enough. Bye for now. Bye. Bye.