You got the promotion, so why don't you feel like yourself?

So it’s happened, you’ve got the promotion you were looking for or perhaps the company restructured and your role has changed and you’ve taken on a leadership position or moved to a different level of leadership, and somewhere in the blur of new responsibilities, different expectations, and unfamiliar territory, things feel very different. 

The ‘who you are at work’ has changed and the style and strategies you may have always relied on, might now feel clunky and you start to doubt yourself, wonder if you’re really ready for this role. 

Here's a 3 stage framework to help you navigate this shift.

Calm, intentional career advice that works.

Thanks for listening, if there is anything else careers related that you would like me to delve into then feel free to drop me a message.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the Leadership Lounge. I wanted to talk about something that often happens when someone moves into a leadership position or moves into a higher level of leadership. They can start to question who they are as a leader in this new context. So let's get started. It's finally happened, you've got the promotion you were looking for, or perhaps the company has restructured and your role has changed, and you've taken on a leadership position or moved to a different level of leadership. And somewhere in the blur of those new responsibilities, different expectations, and unfamiliar territory, things feel very different. The who you are at work has changed, and the style and strategies you may have always relied on might now feel clunky, and you can start to doubt yourself, wondering if you're really ready for this role. Sure, you get briefed on the new KPIs, handed the org chart and congratulated, but then you're kind of left to get on with it. But when your role changes significantly, it's likely that your leadership identity will need to change too. And this is the change that most people don't talk about. So it's easy to think it's just you that feels that way. Maybe you're now managing people who used to be your peers, which can feel weird as you navigate those altered dynamics. Or perhaps you might find yourself second-guessing decisions that previously felt instinctive. Or maybe you feel a strange sadness for the loss of the version of yourself who was really good at your last job, whilst feeling like an imposter in this new one. To give it a name, this is the leadership identity crisis, and it's a real thing that's incredibly common, and yet almost no one talks about it. But it affects almost every leader I've worked with, and I include myself in that too. So why does it happen? Well, when a role changes substantially, the mental scripts you've built up over the years that determine how you show up, what you're good at, and how others see you become unreliable, which can lead to what psychologists call self-concept threat, which is the gap between who you thought you were and who this new context is asking you to be. It's something that is usually particularly acute for high performers, which makes sense because you were most likely great at your last role and had a strong, stable sense of yourself as a capable leader. But now you're in unfamiliar territory. That certainty you had before has gone. And even if the change is a positive one, that loss of certainty can manifest itself as anxiety, overcompensation, or withdrawal. So, how do we navigate this identity shift then? Well, as a coach, this is a situation I find comes up frequently with clients. And in my experience, having a structure to work through almost always helps. So if this is something that resonates with you, I hope you find this framework helpful to help you navigate this shift, to move from that initial shock of the role change, because even if it's positive, it might still be a shock, through a period of genuine self-inquiring reflection and into a place of grounded intentional leadership. The three stages of this framework are disruption, and that's often where you don't recognize yourself in the role that you're now in. The second stage is discovery. So that's where we start to ask ourselves, who am I now in this role? And the stage three is definition, and this is where we start to think about who we're going to choose to be. You might not move through each stage in a straight line, you might loop back or sit in one stage longer than another, but understanding these stages changes how you process what's happening. So let's start with stage one, and this is often the one that catches most leaders completely off guard, and that's disruption. If you've been promoted into a more senior position, you might find yourself trying to fit in by adopting the behaviours of the leaders you've joined or those above you without it feeling authentic to who you are, or perhaps feeling externally very visible, but internally strangely invisible, like the real you has gone quiet. Or you might find those pesky imposter thoughts ramping up precisely when others are congratulating you, you could really do without them. You could also find that you're spending too much time doing the job you've just been promoted out of because at least you felt confident there. If these changes come about as a result of a restructure, it might be that you feel grief for the team, relationships, or part of the role you've lost. You might even feel uncomfortable that you've survived and maybe even thrived out of the restructuring by taking on more responsibility or a promotion. You might also find yourself questioning whether the organisation sees you as the right person for the role or just someone who can and will do it. This can feel especially relevant if you've taken on that additional responsibility without any changes to your salary. And that can mean a low-level loss of motivation that you can't quite name. And what most leaders do at this point is put their head down, push through, and hope that the feeling passes. And sometimes it does, eventually. But without understanding what's actually happening, it can be easy to stay stuck in stage one far longer than necessary. Adapting your behaviour, but never resetting your identity. And over time that can quietly erode your confidence, your presence, and your impact. So some of the things I'd suggest you definitely don't do at stage one is don't try and perform your way through it. Pretending everything is fine, and this just delays the reset, it doesn't skip it. I would also say don't look for certainty too quickly. The urge to decide who you are in this role right now is understandable, I completely get that. But premature conclusions often lock you into an identity that might not serve you well in the long term. And don't shrink yourself. Staying in the background until you feel ready can often be misread as disengagement. When we start to recognise and acknowledge the disruption, you can start the process to move through it. And that moves us on to stage two, which is discovery. Once the initial disruption begins to settle, even slightly, there's a window of genuine exploration. And this is where the identity reset actually begins. You're no longer just reacting, you're starting to ask real questions about what kind of leader you want to be. And this stage is characterized by experimentation. You'll try on different approaches, and some will feel right, but many won't. And that discomfort, because it is a discomfort, is an important part of the process. We're gathering information, it's not failure. Think of it more as a calibration where you're developing your updated leadership operating system. For leaders who have been promoted, this might look like noticing which parts of the new role energize you and which drain you. Or beginning to form a clearer sense of the kind of leader you don't want to be. Or seeking out feedback more actively, even when that feels uncomfortable, or finding mentors or peers who are further along the same journey that you're currently on. For those leaders who are navigating a restructure, they've taken on that role because of a restructure, it might be recognising and reconnecting with your core strengths, independent of your previous title or team, or identifying what you actually valued about your previous role, and those are elements of it that you've outgrown. Perhaps starting to feel curious about what the new landscape could offer, or testing new ways of building credibility and relationships in this changed context. You could do a discovery audit, and to move through stage two effectively, I would suggest you do this audit as a structured self-inquiry and reflection. So let's consider these four areas, and I would write down your thoughts as you go through them. So thinking about your values, what do you actually stand for as a leader? Not what you think you should stand for, but what's actually meaningful for you? What are your strengths? So what do you bring that's distinctly yours, regardless of role or title? What's your style? How do I naturally lead when I'm at my best? And how does that land with others? And what does it look like when I'm not feeling at my best? What's the edge? And by edge, I mean what are the what's on the edges of my leadership capabilities, the things I'm being called to develop that maybe I haven't fully owned yet or fully embraced yet. And I don't want you to worry about getting this perfect straight off. Take your time with these reflections and just write down what you feel without self-editing. No one's going to see this except you, so be honest. When we've done that, we can move on to stage three, which is definition. And definition is not an end point. This is about making a decision to move from a passive experience of identity, i.e., who am I in this context, to an active one, such as who do I choose to be? And this is where your leadership identity becomes intentional rather than inherited. This stage is characterized by clarity, confidence, and most importantly, commitment. Not the brittle confidence of someone performing certainty, but the grounded confidence of someone who knows their values, understands their strengths, and has made peace with their edges. You'll know when you're in stage three, when you can articulate your leadership philosophy in plain English without corporate buzzwords. You'll know because your decisions and thinking will feel more consistent, not because you have all the answers, but because you know your principles. You'll be able to hold the tension of not knowing everything while still leading with confidence. And you'll stop comparing yourself to other leaders and start building on those attributes that are authentically yours. And because of that, the imposter voice gets quieter, probably not gone completely, but it's no longer in the driving seat. So, one of the most powerful exercises we can do at this stage is to write a leadership identity statement. And this is a short, clear articulation of who you are as a leader and how you choose to show up. This isn't for a CV or a performance review. This is for you. If you need some help to get started, you could use this structure. I lead through, and in there insert your primary approach or your strength. I'm best at, I'm at my best when, and then add the context or conditions where you thrive. I hold myself to, and here insert your non-negotiable values or standards. I'm committing to developing, and this is where you're going to insert the edge you're leaning into. And the kind of leader I choose to be is, and here you're going to write your defining statement. If you need some examples or you need to see that written down, have a look at my Substack post. You'll see it written down, and it might be a little clearer. Of course, this isn't a one-time exercise. I'd recommend revisiting this statement every six months, or anytime a significant change happens. As I've no doubt you've come to realise, your identity as a leader isn't fixed. It's an evolving conscious choice. In summary, then, leadership identity crises aren't a sign that you're not cut out for this. They're a sign that you're growing and continue to continue to develop, which is good. The leaders who sail through role transitions without any internal reflection are often the ones who never truly evolve. They just carry their old identity into the new context and call it leadership. By working through this process, yes, you're doing something harder, but you're also doing something much more valuable. You're choosing consciously who you want to be. The identity reset isn't a one-time process, as I've said. Every significant change in your role, in the team, in the organisation around you is an invitation to revisit it. And the more fluent you become at navigating the stages of disruption, discovery, and definition, the more grounded and effective you'll be as a leader, regardless of what changes around you. Thanks for listening. I hope you found it useful, and we'll see you next time.