Share a Cup with Me
Share a Cup with Me is a cozy, story-driven podcast where, once a month, guests share their favorite drink and the stories that matter to them. Through meaningful, reflective, and light-hearted conversations, each episode creates a warm, inclusive space for connection, creativity, and cultural insight. Hosted by Annie Sands.
Transcripts:Word-for-word transcripts are archived here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/19Viv52vqm_S9zcoyc6Xgi1NgpTzKUCGow1dxJMjYHaY/edit?usp=sharing.
This document is updated as episodes are released and transcripts are completed.
Share a Cup with Me
The Connections We Make: A Conversation with Thy
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In this month’s episode, my coworker Thy and I discuss how connections and a person’s network can help combat loneliness and build support. We also talk about how the best relationships have healthy boundaries for both sides, how you can give too much to any part of your network, and how over time some relationships fade while others stay. Overall, we reflect on how connections truly can make you a better person, both mentally and spiritually.
Word for Word Transcript is out now!
That's it for this cup. Until next time— keep connecting! You can follow the podcast @shareacupwithme and Share a Cup with Me on Facebook!
Hi everyone. Welcome back to Share a Cup with me. Today uh or this month, we're gonna be talking with Thy. Um, that's her name, that's not what she's drinking.
Speaker 2Yes, and my name is Thy. Thank you for inviting me to our podcast.
Speaker 1Oh, welcome. Um, so we're gonna start out with um so again we're in the record recording studio that doesn't allow drinks.
Speaker 2Oh yeah. Yes, so uh, as any did Annie me what's my favorite cup of drink, I would say it's a bubble tea. Uh yeah. And and I do love to like brew my own tea, putting them uh, and then getting the crystal bowl butter and then adding some ice. So that's my cream. Oh, and my jug tea. Yeah. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1I've been on the flavor black tea swing. Like, I have a maple midglee cream black tea that I really like. Yeah, yeah. Um, so you went like so we work in the same office, so she went randomly appear in my office because I don't know what to talk about. Yeah. I think I might want to talk about this. So like I think we decided on connections. Yeah, we can we can do connections and then you can do something else. I think I'll start with one. Okay, yes, yeah. You can always come back to the podcast. Oh yes.
Speaker 2Okay. Um why did you want to talk about connections? Well technically wanted to talk about networking. Yes, more of like the networking, because I feel like a lot of times we feel like we lack of that connection, we we feel like loneliness. Um so I mean sometimes like just talking to people would kind of help. But I know like not everyone have that good support system or they have some they don't even say they don't have a friend. So um that's why I wanted to bring up the connection or like the networking piece. Um, because I think even though we we don't we may not be like agree on all the things, but we can still kind of start off talking to people that for like maybe just different things or like hearing them from their viewpoints. Um yeah. No, I agree with that. And I think people misunderstand that like it doesn't have to be a like you don't have to connect some with someone on a deep level to start your support system. Like I don't even remember what we first started talking about when we really started becoming like really good work friends. Yeah, because I think I just kind of know Annie from another coworkers and who yeah, who I also worked for and staying clubs with her for a while. But yeah, I don't think that as far as we uh talked about anything. I mean that I kind of maybe know you um unlike me, like you work in the same um school with me, but I actually don't know anything about you and until I like actually talk to you. So yeah. Yeah. And also like I think COVID kind of hurt a lot of how people see connections because I know when I came to the school where we work at, yeah, I was really burnt out. And it's hard to make connections when you're burnt out. Yeah. Um mainly because you you're so burnt out and negative that like you project that onto other people. And it's hard to truly form a lasting connection that way. Yeah. And I also did like a couple of uh research on my burnout because uh at the previous workplace I was not technically that burned out, but I kind of started to feel that it when I'm doing uh both at school and work, and then I was trying to find out that if students actually also have burnout and they do, um mainly because like whatever you're like focusing on or like what and you know what whenever you do things for a long while and then you start feeling kind of like frustrated or like just wanting to give up or like you then at that time there's already uh considered like burnout, and I saw that there's like a high rate of burnout for high school, it's also like for college students, especially for our worker as well. So um yeah, and then I think one of the strategies that they put is just like come and get some relaxation or like come and talk to people or just talk about something that's not work-related, not anything related to whatever you're doing, maybe just like getting a fresh air, yeah, for some topics. Yeah, no, I agree about not talking about work or like not even like sometimes even just talking about work but or like what you do, but like outside of away from work. It's like I actually uh hung out with our one of our mutual friends and she at the end she goes it's really nice sometimes just to hang out with people I know from work. Yeah. Away from work. Right, yeah. Yeah, and sometimes it's also hard because I feel like sometimes I am workaholic or okay, well I really I wouldn't have known that. Yeah. So my tendency is like taking people's work. No, like doing pe other people's work in the sweetest, overbearing way.
Speaker 1Just not in a bad way. She it's like she wants to help so much that she will she will start doing your job for you.
Speaker 2Um and I forgot, I don't even know where I was going with that, but like yeah, that is like a tendency of like when you are so focused on one aspect of your life, it definitely like overshadows yeah the rest of like your network because if you only focus on work, you're not gonna have yeah a non-work related like interaction with someone. Yeah. That's when I started playing all like video games, guys. Um like for normal people, yeah. I mean like you know for COVID and I think it's also the time when I kinda like reflect back and then I was like maybe playing video games. Like I like MMO and then the sort of storylines and like Final Fantasy kind of thing. So um I started playing video games during COVID. Um, and I find that it's also very interesting when you kind of talk to people online and we'll actually form like a group of like close friends and also another group of just acquaintances, but we're all met through the online platforms. So I think even though doing the networking may feel like it takes a lot of time but and it's stressful, but sometimes if you are able like just open up a little bit and talk to people, even like their online people, um you can maybe like re yeah, release some of that stress or like getting to know someone uh from like just their personal level or like um getting to know some of the things that common things that you like, enjoy doing. Um yeah, so I think when we're doing the talking, we don't realize that it's uh networking, but sometimes like when you think about it, how many people you have to kind of like talk to or like reach out or like just kind of like type saying hello and then someone else was just like hi Yeah. It's I also play video games, but I'm not much of a like a multiplayer personality games. I normally play like a single or like couch co-op games. But I feel like there's like a lot of less chances for people to like make connections within the network because they feel like it has to only be in one area. Like I can't talk about this person work-wise because we're not at work. I was like, well, you can, they might not understand everything and depending on what you do, you're not like we can't divulge like students' ideas and information, but we can talk about concepts. Yeah. And I think maybe they sell the struggle is just like because sometimes I see that people were like, Well, I'm shy, or like I'm just anxious talking to strangers. I mean like you don't have to like share a lot of stuff about yourself, sometimes you're just kinda like asking them questions and listening to them and then maybe adding a little more things to the conversation is also kind of like a good way to like start off because I I think before I was like very shy. Um maybe not that shy. But I mean I I met you through like a safe space though. So I think that's a huge difference. Right. If you know a connection already, like because you told me that like when you had gotten the offer to work in our era, you actually went to our mutual friend who I met through class, so she knew she knew me before she knew you. Yeah. And you went to her and was like, Oh, tell me about Annie. What's she like? Am I gonna like working with her? Yeah. Like, what type of person is she? Yeah. I mean I did not like just ask about Annie. I mean but I'm kinda just like curious, yeah, and able to talk and meet An like meet Annie and talk to Annie and she's a great person, so then you kinda have some great perspective and like uh maybe talking to people isn't that bad, but I know that yeah, some people maybe talk to like the wrong person or like yeah, um, they get the wrong perspective or maybe like just talking to the bad guy and then me turning out to be a little different. But um I think choosing friends or like choosing people to talk to is also very important. Um yeah, as as you say, having a safe net or a safe place to talk about things. Um as I think I went to the coffee shop with Gore, like just going solo and then I saw people kind of just chatting about things. I mean I won't come to them even though like I may know them a little bit, but I'm not like gonna come to them and say, Hey, uh we were friends or like hey, I saw you in house school. That's kinda like weird. At least you approach it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Um I'm notoriously bad at um talking to people without introducing myself first. Yeah. Um, for example, when we were at Coffee, there was a group of girls and she had a book. There's like two girls and she had a book that I think I have or it's on my list to read, and I go like, I'm sorry bothering you with it, like have you like have you actually read that book? Because it's on my list and now I know what it's like and she goes, Oh, it's my second time reading it. Nice. So like if you are approaching people out of the cold like randomly, you can do it properly. Yeah, like it needs like you need to like brush them like crazy, like but like I'm really sorry to bother you. Like And then they might shut you down immediately. They might shut you I've had people shut me down and then return to me when they're ready to talk. And then I've had people randomly just talk to me. I do it a lot on the planes because you're stuck. So you might as well listen or watch or talk to people. Yeah. But it's like you have to be in the right mindset to take whatever they give you. Because otherwise you're gonna feel like you were snubbed and it's really like you did a big risk and sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn't, and yeah. It's neither side's fault. Right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've come to think of that because I think Yeah, um and you're right. Like when you talk about you say talking to people on the plane, because yeah, sometimes I have flights like over 20 hours, I would say. Yeah, because my flight back home was like long sometimes. Um, but so yeah, we're stuck there and it's just like we're well, me sitting next to a big guy and he said he was like from but yeah, I think that then we started to talk just by asking so what do you do more like um where did you fly to or like just um kind of just a meeting talk? And then slowly like I get to know him a little bit. Yeah. Um yeah, and even though we don't see each other ever again it's always like Yeah.
Speaker 1It's also like there's also a chance, like especially if we do it like some of where you live, there's also a nice chance she might run to the to that person again.
Speaker 2So you you need to end or like both sides should be courteous enough, but whoever approaches the other side needs to be courteous enough that like yeah, if they shut down and then they run into them again, it's not like yeah, I'm bitter or I'm like I don't know how to talk to you anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes there's also a trivia like awkwardness, but I mean I I embrace it like I mean yeah. I will literally sometimes like I noticed it's really awkward, but like Yeah, yeah. Well, I normally five Southwestern and it's funny because at the time I think they're about to change it, but before it was the m it was first come, first serve with the seats. And I just like to be at the front of the plane so I can get off quicker, which normally means I am sitting in between two people. Yeah. Because I'm sitting in the middle seat because I'm yeah relatively like I'm about average size for like a female, so like I can pretty much fit it. Yeah. And one time it was like two dudes, and one of them was like super like and he did look kind of intimidating. And he was like struggling to like hold his phone to watch something, and I just kinda like tapped him and was like, Do you want me to hold it up there for you?
Speaker 1Oh and he was like, No, no, it's fine. And then he like offered me candy.
Speaker 2Um which was like from like the store. So like I've so like I took like a couple of places and he went somewhere like no one good. Yeah. Um so like sometimes if you approach him in the right way or if you do if you show them that like you are a compassionate human. And unfortunately that's not everyone. So like if you're also like approached, like if someone approaches you, like I would do my best to end it, like I mean, as females, we are also like aware of like there's some creepy dudes, like creepy dudes, but also creepy people out there. And sometimes ending it nicely doesn't work. But you should still end it professionally. Yeah. I guess that in the nicest way that you can, but like, yeah, because sometimes I I can see that like some people are just not good at taking cues on like I do really want to stop talking to you. So yeah. But um yeah, sometimes uh you just like try your best in the nicest way, and maybe you can just like for a little bit and like leave the conversation. Okay, so my friend, um it's funny, because my friend got uh went to a date with a guy and then just give it a listen. Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah. Um always amazing. Yeah. Good one, sorry. Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 2But then this is very like um yeah, yeah. She she really she likes the guy, but she I mean like there's just some weird things about this guy. Maybe like I don't know how because maybe he taught he he uh he shows her like the nicest way ever, like she he um bought her food and w went to the movies with her, bought her tickets, and then drove her back home. But I was like, dude, this is like the first day ever. You guys should be kinda casual but not like too nice or like in like a weird way. Um and then this guy suddenly just also called her uh for a second date, which she was like, mmm, maybe yes, but I mean like she was like asking me how to like tell this guy in a nice way that hey I am not interested right now in dating you. Maybe then we can be casual friends, but like if he asked for like her to be uh his girlfriend, then she wouldn't need to say no. And then I was just like trying to fight all the ways because I mean he's nice, he just like he didn't do anything wrong, it's just like maybe he's not like a good fit for her, like it's not a good time to like bake, yeah. Um, but there are so just like cues that he could not take, like if she say no to something that he was just like, why do you say no? Or like what I mean like it's just personal preference, guys. Like, so we try to tell this guy, um, hey, um, you might just die you leave her sometime to think about it, not like rushing through yeah. And then um so I told her to like maybe she just stop talking to this guy.
Speaker 1Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't work. I know.
Speaker 2And not only with like romantic relationships there, yeah. Um like it also happens with like platonic relationships. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes the just isn't there. Like they could be like the nicest person and you're like we had absolutely not like nothing to talk about or like there was this certain behavior that like I knew that would like rub me their own way. Like I went on a date with the guy. Yeah. And when I yawned on the date, 'cause it was like I had driven from one city to another city.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And my car didn't have air conditioning at the time 'cause it was broken. Yeah. So by the time I got up there I was like really high hot and like tired. And it was like in the evening. And so I was like yawning and he like leaned over and like smacked my forehead. And I looked at him like what the Yeah.
Speaker 1And he and then he like he was like, oh it's just like something we do in my culture.
Speaker 2And I asked a friend like who is also from their culture and she goes yeah that's not like anything what we do in my culture. And I like I I just don't like being lied to. So like that was a turnoff for me. Like I one I didn't like being smacked in the forehead either to be honest. But like also don't lie to me. Like that is a big thing about being true like truly connecting with people, truly like building your network is like you need to be authentically you because you're gonna like we haven't worked that long together but like I'm expecting us to work at least another year or so together. Yeah. And so like I would want you to be safe to be your yeah. Tweety bird self. Yeah. And I would want to feel comfortable being myself I mean still be like polite and courteous and like don't call people names. But like um if you can't be yourself around the people that you're choosing to like talk to then why are you choosing to talk to them? Yeah. I don't know why I did that we did that like but yeah I think yeah it's also like yeah I think you're right like we do have an option to like choosing to talk to people and not to but I also want to like if you decide to like reach out or talk to people maybe like show them like your good good side like good manner because I mean I don't want to be talked to like or like treated badly or someone just like kind of shouting or yelling to me and saying like I need this or like I need that. I was like I don't own anything so why do you still shout at me? Yeah leave me in those notoriously bad in our office at shouting but like kindly shouting at each other. Yeah. People are gonna think that we're terrible for each other in the office we're really not we just also don't want to leave our office sometimes. Yeah gosh there's so many different things to talk about like networking and actions because it's such a complex area because so we both work as care counselors. Um which is one reason why we're both so passionate about networking. Yeah but your network doesn't have to be purely professional or personal. And like the connection that T reached out to to ask about our off like the office she was about to start working for when she we offered her the job was actually for me a personal connection before it was a professional connection. Because we met during our graduate program. But for T it was the professional network because she met when she started her internship. So it like crosses over and some cross over smoothly and others don't and others don't touch at all. Yeah. And I mean it's also uh kind of funny or I guess it's also cool because I mean before I apply for your for this position I was also kind of just thinking back and forth like should I apply should I would I be a good fit for me um just before I was thinking of like maybe I want to do something else or maybe I just like leaving the school entirely and then maybe working for somewhere else. Um but yeah like sometimes your network is like also from people like your like my previous coworkers or like my friends and then I was also saying that I still love helping students working with students so um and being like career specialist or career counselor is also a good way for me to like still get connections from students but also now I'm also uh able to talk to employers or like getting their perspective on like what they're needing or like how the jobs job scope look like but yeah so that's what I like about like working here um as a peer counselor but I mean before I was also not thinking like if I'm gonna be able to stay uh or like working in school or like if I'm because before I also worked on the nonprofit um um during COVID and then I also like that place. It's just that it's also kind of very hectic and then I meet a lot of people helping a lot of people um getting burned out and then going back to school um thinking that maybe yeah we're so I'm not working yeah yeah yes we're we try but um yeah but I think like yeah working in school is also like a great place or like even when you study in school um whichever school you are or like yeah you can still maybe find some connections talking to professors or like meeting your friends and asking them like where do you work because I remember like when I graduate it's like right on public. So we just went to class for like the two spring break and then we're done. Technically done ish. So but I would got a gym to like talk to my friends at least like before graduation like to know where they're all heading to and then like what kind of jobs they're looking for because we're all like I'm in like psychology class and then we're all like so excited for graduation until that happened. Um yeah yeah and then um but yeah sometimes I at least just like I do uh met some of those good friends um still having some connections with and like yeah adding them on Facebook so um but yeah they're all great people who that I knew that also doing a great job in like doing counseling before I'm gonna have counseling. What else do we want to talk about? I feel like we haven't really touched a lot on like like there are like some connections that like I'm close to right now because I'm in close proximity to them. Like yeah and then there are some others that like like my family like I'm not close to them but they're my family and so like I'm gonna stay in close contact with them. And the same for like my best friend. Yeah. And like connections fade in and out unless you like burn the bridge like right which we all have to do. Yeah like at least once in our lifetime that like it will probably still be there. You're gonna have to reach out or they're gonna have to reach out and like reignite like the connection. But it's still gonna be there and it's not gonna be the same. Yeah. But it's still like there for you unless it ended really badly. Yeah. Then it's not yeah. Yeah. And I think also like show some authenticity is also like really important when you do networking or like when you talk to people 'cause I don't want to like first time talking to a person and then I feel like is this person kind of lying or like they just wanted to show me their best side but they're actually not because I mean they're yeah I mean like talk um I guess that in the thing is like making friends is also a great skill asset you should say.
Speaker 1Yeah. I agree with that.
Speaker 2Yeah yeah because I mean some people would just kinda like showing you all nice things but when they actually do um like maybe sometimes they would just like use their words like your words against your you or like they did something bad bad like backstopping you. Um so I think those would not be counted as like a good relationship or like even to keep a relationship with them. Um yeah and I do have some instances on that it's just we I did try to not well I did not like avoiding that the conversation on the voiding them but I mean I do I don't know just wanting to end it nicely blocking their Facebook that is one of my I mean not really because something that people don't like it's hard like for me especially it's hard to when I'm friends with someone I like I really invest which also means I don't tend to overinvest and I will forget boundaries that I promised myself that I would keep. Yeah. And then people some people will purposely break boundaries and some people will abuse you not having a boundaries fully stated. Yeah. And those type of people sometimes you have to have like like a burn bridge of like like there's friends that like also like exes that like I will block them on Facebook I'll block them on Instagram. Yeah because people that want to abuse connection will do it anyway with or without like what you do. Yeah yeah yeah um and yeah I mean I think well I think yeah kind of like some instances of like um with my exes or oh exes yeah that's a whole nother conversation. I know yeah but that's just like mutual friends or like casual friends that's where like 'cause I'm not like you maybe that I'm not like fully invested because I mean to getting to know a person is also hard but I mean getting to know someone like in a personal level or like being being like close friends with someone it does take time. So yeah. I would not like straight away say hey hey here's my clothes ran or I would say maybe I miss a miss no but like I don't yeah I don't fully invest immediately but like once I do it's it's hard to keep that boundary and that's something like I definitely know that I need to work on is because you should like in any network and any connection and any like relationship yeah you should never lose yourself yeah inside of the relationship. Yeah. And I definitely have had that happen in both romantic and platonic relationships. Yeah. And with those like you have to draw a hard line in the sand or burn the bridge and be like I'm sorry but like after what you put me through there's no way that I'm going this is ever going going back to the way that you want it to go back to. Yeah. Yeah I like to do that. Yeah. But I mean like starting getting the connection is still the first thing and then maintaining yeah I think now we're moving on to the part where we're maintaining the connections. Yeah. And I think that is also also another hard like topic because I mean for sure that you still want to be yourself yeah in any relationship or um when talking to anyone um and I mean the person who like talking to you might either like accept you for who you are or like they might just like straight out say there are things that I don't like you. I don't want to talk to you. Um yeah 'cause I mean I think there are certain people who just like well I don't like you um and that's the answer of like why they're not wanting to maintain that connection um but I yeah because I think for your story because I'm gonna know about that thing uh but but yeah like yeah um so and and she yeah and you also kinda give that person some leeway um some yeah um chances to make sure that they know that they're wrong but then not so I mean yeah that's T's way of saying yeah yeah I that is a nice way I can say but I also think like bringing up that friend that also brought me into like what another area of connections that I think in general because I know I do for a fact that like I I take for granted the friends that or like I don't take for grant I rely really heavy on the friends that have seen sh like seen me shift personalities because as we go through situations we both said studied psychology. Like it changes us. Yeah and like friends that have seen you through those shifts and still answer your phone calls, still text you are like really good connections and really good support systems. And there will be connections of all kinds that like you will go through a shift in perspective or personality and the connection will fall off. Yeah. And like some people see that as like a bad thing but I just see it as like it's gonna happen. Yeah it's like a growing process like yeah yeah it's gonna happen. Sorry again go ahead you look like you have something really important to say it already didn't say it so I'm looking at you um yeah so and I think from like having a lot of friends to maybe like having a few friends but then closer friends and also teach me like yeah there are some growth that I need to do or like maybe before I didn't treat them well or maybe you know the my friends did not treat me well. Um but yeah sometimes they also like my when I reflect back I was like yeah because I before in high school I think I was I feel like I'm not this social um at all but I I do have friends it's just that I'm so the one who like not reaching out or like not wanting to help people or well because let's put it this way like we're all getting stressed and tired. I think it's doing the burnout. But yeah and um I wasn't being as nice so I did not yeah I was just not wanting to talk to people in overall in general.
Speaker 1Yeah um I'm gonna disagree with that a little bit.
Speaker 2Yeah. Um because that's a two way street. Yeah even if you weren't reaching out yeah they if they really wanted to they would also reach out. Yeah. Like unless you were like yeah they reached out and I like no didn't answer their phone call or I answered and I hung up. And then I might be like yeah TV might be in the wrong but like it takes two sides that mutually put in about the same amount of effort. I mean romantic relationship in marriage is a little bit different that I can't speak on because yeah not married. Yeah um that this is just like a normal general friend like a school friend but yeah I will say I did not feel fair contact for a while um until I guess uh recently when they saw my Instagram post they were like oh hey how are you and I wouldn't realize that oh maybe because at that time I wasn't grown up yet or I feel like we're always growing up. Yeah yeah but um at that time I may not like be in the right mind or doing all the great things or like mean I did not reject or not did not talk to them for a while until up to now. But I mean like they're still good friends yeah um because we're doing high school together um and we do high school together oh you're not doing high school together like you're currently doing it. Yeah yeah we were we did we did high school I did high school yeah sometimes I don't know but um I may be the one who's just like um thinking of that where I'm s there's like things that I'm still doing when I was in high school uh up to now or there are things that I've grown up and knowing how to like talk to people um better or you know keeping that connection or keeping that uh friendship better. Yeah. Yeah no in high school I think I over try to connect with people. Yeah. Like I you don't need to I don't need to anymore I yeah at this point in my life I'm like if you like me great. Yeah if you don't like me that's also great. Yeah yeah I really don't care one way or the other. Yeah um as long as like great like if it's work like we can work together. Um but no it's connect connecting with people's hard yeah yeah and connecting to people online is also hard but I mean there I saw that there's a fun side to it because Okay. Well we we form like a Discord um uh team on um when we play Final Fantasy and then my my is Final Fantasy 14 so we do raids and then we also like play in groups um but that group is so funny because half of us are in the US some are in Vietnam some you know some in Canada we're like all across the place we're trying to find a good time to just play the game we like so hard. Yeah it is and I mean like during that relationship I mean like that friendship we also have conflicts we also have a person who um kind of just stepping over boundaries or he was just kind of talking badly for different people um let's say if he saw something on Facebook and he judging started to judging on things like that and then I mean like Facebook is where we are it I did not post things publicly uh a lot of times, um but some something that came up was like he wasn't being very happy about um s my my spouse um comments and then he was also not happy uh because a friend in the group um kind of fall out and not want uh have enough time to play with him. I mean like there's just a lot of things like it's just about himself and then about like if he is able to be in the group um or like connecting things well with the group, but then we kind of realize maybe there are just things that he just are being so harsh on us as a team and there are also things that he just kind of badmouthing other people. Um yeah, um maybe because that he's stressed out in at work or but maybe he's just in general not a very nice person, uh sometimes or no, I feel like he is nice, he's just a judging, very judging person um for all kinds of things. And I'm like, why do you do that? Like we just wanted to have some fun. And it's a fun game, guys. It's not stressful unless you're reading, but I I really have to emphasize that we have other things to do, not just like playing games, but here I am. I'm pretty sure that like my two listeners at the time will know that like we do other things. Yeah. But I mean I think you brought up like a really good point of like when you have connections or like connec like networks like you're gonna have to deal with like the group around that person if you're willing to really connect with them. Yeah. Like our two other friends that were like really close friends with like we all get along really great. Yeah. But it would have been a different story if like there was tension. But you s you can't be how did I say this? You can't be mean to one person in the group and expect the rest of the group just to stand by. Right. Or like or not to choose sides. Um, 'cause like kind of like that friend that we like my friend that we were talking about, your ex-friend. Yeah. She tried to do what he's doing to me through another friend, through my best friend. Yeah. And my best friend was very polite and like tried to stay as neutral as possible. Yeah. But when I talk to her about it, yeah, I could definitely tell that like she's to the point where she's like, I don't I'm tired of dealing with this because people will eventually get tired of giving you grace.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2Yeah. And like it kind of sounds like your group's tired of giving them grace. Yeah. No, we're I think uh it um it went to the point where I stu we stopped talking to this guy or like we stopped um going on Discord or like going and and playing the game when he it's on there. It's kind of bad, but um so I mean there are also ways where we kind of talk about it and we're just like maybe you're not like a good fit to the group. Um, but and if you want to start conflicts, you may want to start somewhere else just because we all want to play the game. Just you know, yeah, it's just a fun thing. So yeah, we stopped talking to that person um and we're kinda feeling better. I mean the group is still going well. It's it's amazing what happens when you cut um negative energy out of a setting.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Or just out of your life really. Yeah. Like not all connections are gonna be healthy, fruitful connections. Like yeah. I'm really glad that like you start working in our office because you bring such like a chaotic joy to our office. Like you're welcome. Chaotic joy. Um but there are also people that um I was really fired when Liz told me this in our last episode that like I bring good joy to like the room. Yeah. Um, I always like to hope that like I bring good joy, but I am sure there are days where like I don't. But if that's someone's continual state, I feel like it's as long as it's done like not cruelly and not in a way that purposely humiliates that person or that situation or whatever, it's it's healthy even to be like, hey, like you're not really being nice to like the majority of the group or you're not you're bringing like you're really toxic for like my mental health if it's like one one on one or you're just really toxic for like the group, if it's like a group or an office. Yeah. Because like energy matters when it comes to like connections and group settings and I feel like that's something that like we don't talk enough about. Yeah. Yeah. I mean no you brought it up right, like the energy part, because I feel like I do have a positive good energy when I talk to people. Yeah.
Speaker 1Um so that's I would I don't think I would invite you if you had like a bad energy. Yeah. Like I love you people not talking about.
Speaker 2Yeah. Yeah. Um, but yeah, bringing the right, the good energy um and the right amount energy because I thought I would be so high for that.
Speaker 1I feel like both of us um can kind of do that. And sometimes it drives our coworker.
Speaker 2Yeah. That's true a lot. Yeah. Because we'll come at her at the same time. And she's definitely not an extrovert and we love her to death, but yeah. She's like, I need coffee. Yeah. She need her bullet. But I mean I mean that's actually like you bought up the point without me to bring up a point, I think, is like you need to match the room's energy. Yeah. And which also means you need to match the vibe. So if the vibe is already happy and go lucky, like, don't like downplay what you're going through. But there's a time and a place for everything. Like if she was going through something and the room was happy and she really needed to talk, she knows that she can like be like, Can I talk to you in your office, Annie? And they're like, Yeah, and sh then she would have a safe place to like voice a concern, maybe with me personally, or maybe with like someone else, like I don't know how to approach this person, or but there's like you've gotta read the room, you've gotta read the the by and the energy. And be like, is it the right time or place for me to be a Debbie Downer? Or do I need to be like on the the other opposite side of the side of the Debbie Downers? I don't know. I'm gonna have to look that up.
Speaker 1Yeah. Something up really.
Speaker 2Oh yeah. I mean, there's also a I feel like it's like maybe positive poly would be a better one. Yeah, positive. Yeah. There's also like a time and a place for that too. Um I feel like my mantra for anything is balanced. Yeah. Because you don't wanna be like a Debbie Downer or a negative Nancy. Yeah, I mean I remember that. I don't know why I don't know why I keep giving female names. Negative Ned. Um but it's also you don't wanna be toxic po positive toxic toxically. Yeah. Which is I know you know this, but I'm just appointed for them if in case they know. Is toxic positivity is when you don't see the negative side of something that's going on. And it's like a balance because you need to acknowledge the bad that's happening without going into the world's on fire and doom and doom and gloom and but you still need to be acknowledgable of especially if your connection is has like a different status in you of some kind of any kind. Because they're gonna have different life experiences, they're like they're gonna have different privileges or not have certain privileges. Yeah. And you're gonna if you wanna keep their friendship, you're gonna have to or even like their connection is not like a friendship, just like an acquaintance at work. Yeah. You're going to have to acknowledge their hard times while not being like overly like overly toxic or overly positive. Because it's a balance of like you've gone through a hard thing, but look how strong you are because you've gone through a hard thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And like that's really important in keeping the connection, which is what we're we're kind of talking about. It's like making the connections. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I would definitely yeah, I mean I'm looking about like the balance part that you say, 'cause yeah, sometimes when there's sad times or like downtime, we're still uh being needing to like understand that there are times certain times that we or like another a person doesn't want to bring up certain things, um, or they just don't want to talk about um things that are that or like that are um that are negative, but I mean there are also things that they are experiencing and that things that they are struggling. Yeah. And then you can also need to like understanding that there are certain times when you're not you should not let just bring up bad things to the good line and then bringing down the whole energy. Um so yeah, I think getting that balance and then also knowing when or like reading the room reading the environment to know that when is a good time to talk or like when is a good way to start the conversation is also very important. Yeah, I definitely agree with that. And it's really hard sometimes because sometimes you have to kind of single out someone that you're safe to talk to. Mm-hmm. And like you also have to acknowledge that like they're also probably going through things, probably different things. So there are times where like I would bring something up to my best friend and she goes, I'm not really in the head space for this. Yeah. And when I was going through that with that friend and the friend kept bringing trying to bring her into it, yeah, I got really annoyed because I knew what sh my best friend was going through, and I was like, You're piling stuff on top of her, yeah, that didn't not need to bring her into because she's going through her own thing right now.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2And that's also something that's important is like if you like if I came to you with something and you were already going through something, maybe you had an argument with your spouse or a long night with your baby. Yeah. Like, I should be respectful of like being like any, I love you. I don't have the mental capacity to deal with this. Can you talk to someone else or can we schedule time tomorrow or like in a week or so? Yeah. Because it's a give and take. Mm-hmm, would you say like with like with relationships? Yeah, yeah. It's definitely like a two-way or like a deep and take like thing. Because I mean you don't want to just be the one who like talk and or like bring up all your problems and then asking for help or like asking for someone to like listen to me. But you're also gonna be the times when you need to listen to other stories or like you just need to give them time to like process things and um maybe you will have a different time uh a better time to like bring up things that are in your mind or like there are things that you struggle with, but it's not always the time to like go and talk about your life or um telling things that people don't need to know or you know, yeah. Oversharing. Oversharing, yes, yeah. Or trauma dumping. Yeah, yes, yeah, true. Um which is not a great way to build the connection. Yeah. So uh which is I mean that technically could be like a whole different kind of conversation that we could have on the podcast. It's like things to look out for in like toxic relationships. Mm-hmm. But yeah. I mean we could talk if you like we're about in like an hour in already. But like no, it's it's a complex, like we could I could have this conversation with like you again, I could have conversation with so many different other people about connections and we probably wouldn't even touch the surface because there's so many different facets of it and there's like each facet has a different perspective depending on like who's talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Because like we rec we were talking earlier today and we both have kind of realized over time that we're ambivalts, which just means like for example, I love to talk to people but I don't like to be in a big crowd. Yeah. If you put me in a big crowd outside of professional stance, I will get overstimulated and drained super quickly. Yeah. And but there like that is like a huge aspect of like connections and like connecting with people. Yeah. That like if you are someone that's high energy in public spaces, and you're trying to befriend someone that's not, yeah, both of you are gonna f have to find a a compromise, a balance. Because like both sides need different things, and it is possible to have introverted friends and be an extrovert. But it's like it's what our boss calls the platinum rule, which I love, which is um how do I treat them the way that they want to be treated? Because the golden rule is how do I treat someone the way that I want to be treated? But we don't all want to be treated the same. Yeah. And we all need different things. I mean, I think the best way is like always to treat like start off treating everyone with the same amount of respect and dignity. Yeah. But you need to like read their behavior to see like I need to shift this, or especially if there's like a difference in cultures or beliefs, like, oh, I just said that and I need to immediately apologize because I crossed the line. Yeah. Or I need to pull them aside and be like, I realize now that like that was culturally insensitive. And so it kind of co goes back to like what me me and Liz talked about last week, like last month, which is accountability. Yeah. And that's a huge aspect of connecting. Yeah, yeah, getting accountability or not accountable for your words too. Like, you know, some words can hurt others, and then uh there are also things that you think that that's just normal for people to talk about, but I mean sometimes it can be something like very insensitive to others, sick, yeah, since you don't know what they have gone through or like how they wanted to be treated, so you just kind of like put your mind in like to treat them with respect and talk to them well, yeah, respectfully. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like we cover the good ground for like this. I mean we could talk forever about connections, but yeah. Um so to close off tea, um, if you could share a cup of I mean anything with like kind of anyone, yeah. That uh sorry, I keep doing that real fictional yeah uh half stawed or currently life. Yeah, who would it be and why?
Speaker 1Yeah, um I didn't prepare her for this, so I said I do need a second.
Speaker 2Uh well so C is something fictional, um, because I mean I also watch a lot more uh a lot of that anime and I mean I yeah, there's like um the one anime that I'm watching right now, the Jenny Rich which is she is um the fictional person, but I do would like to talk to her um because she is like kind of like the the the because she's like a good witch, but kind of like the good the bad and the good witch, like the yeah, um but people really thought that she's giving all the toxic things because she what she's doing is like she get all the toxic things and then kind of purify the air, but herself is toxic, so it's like people don't want to touch her or like talk to her or like be close to her, but I would be definitely be the one who like just come and talk to those people. I mean like he would be the one that like would go and try and hug her. I can see him doing that. Um that's um I feel like that's like a really powerful choice because there's a lot of different people that like she's probably really only. Yeah. Oh she talked to okay, well, I don't want this nice boy, but also like all the friends that she has are like cows, animals, um, mushrooms, there's also a crow, like so basically they're just like animals and there's like the kid that she saved, um, and he's the one who like really looked up to her and then is able to talk to her. Um, but I think besides that sh all she do is like drawing, uh, writing journal, cooking, like doing all the things that normal people would do, but it's just that she other people kind of revolking her because of yeah, like that she has.
Speaker 1Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you for being here. Yeah, on the podcast. Yeah.
Speaker 2Um yeah, we will thank you for guys listening. We'll share a cup in April. You'll hear this at the end of.