5 Secrets That Make Men Adore Their Wives

What makes a man truly adore his wife?

In this episode, “5 Secrets That Make Men Adore Their Wives,” we go beyond surface-level advice and dive into the deeper dynamics that create admiration, respect, and lasting attraction in marriage. 

Based on the timeless principles of Fascinating Womanhood that has been saving marriages for 60+ years, this isn’t about perfection, or becoming someone you’re not.

It’s about understanding the emotional and relational shifts that make a man feel connected, inspired, and deeply drawn to his wife over time.

We explore five powerful (and often overlooked) behaviors that strengthen connection, build appreciation, and bring out the best in your relationship.

If you’ve ever wondered:
“What makes a man not just love his wife—but truly adore her?”

We know this conversation will give you clarity, perspective, and practical insight you can actually use! Visit www.fascinatingwomanhood.com to learn more about our story as well as find all of our books and workbooks that have been changing marriages for decades. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello everyone and welcome to the official Fascinating Womanhood Podcast, where we explore timeless principles for developing true femininity, inspiring authentic masculinity, and building strong, loving, and lasting relationships. I'm Cherry Lynn and I'm here with my mom, Dixie Andalyn Forsythe. Together we'll dive into the heart of what makes relationships thrive, offering practical wisdom and heartfelt conversations to help you live a more fulfilled and fascinating life. Today we are talking about the five secrets that make men adore their wives. We're really excited to talk to everyone about this today because it's essentially what fascinating womanhood is all about and five kind of perfect little nuggets for you to learn about. There's well more than five important things, but these are five that are the most important. And we are so excited to share this with you today, especially for those of you who have recently found us and want to learn more about Fascinating Womanhood. I think you were telling me, didn't the original Fascinating Womanhood wasn't it originally called Secrets to Winning Men?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Actually, no, that was I'm embarrassed to say it was my suggestion. I was a teenager and it was fat for Fascinating Girl. I said it should be called this because that's what it really is. And grandma, my mother liked it. So she changed it. So anyone who has a copy that's entitled that, that's unfortunately my input. And she actually listened to me, which she shouldn't have, because she found that women would say they didn't they were uncomfortable because they would be sitting on a bus or somewhere on a plane reading this book, and people would see the title and they didn't want people to see the title. They were embarrassed. They were embarrassed, and I thought, oh yeah, we shouldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

So it's just what I love about this topic is it's not how to you go to the bookstore and you see all these marriage improvement books, and it's like how to restore love and all that stuff, which is great. I think those things are great. But what I love about the word adore is that all of us want that. Every woman wants to be cherished and adored by their husbands. Of course, we want to be loved, but we also want that added layer of being cherished and adored. And that's what these are all about. It's beyond that step of love and just love alone. It's about being able to understand men and what they crave from us.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Well, and the word love is so not precise because in English, which is the language that we're speaking, obviously, but we love pizza, we love all kinds of things. And to say, you know, you love you love the town you live in, it's it's legitimate. But uh, when you say adore, that's a little bit more specific.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Yes, we all want to be adored. So we're gonna share these five secrets with you, and they're they're actually really simple, but we're gonna go through them and explain them a little bit more. So let's just jump into the first one, which is appreciating him openly. Admiration is rocket fuel for men.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

You know what? It's so obvious and so easy, and a lot of us do these things in our head, but we don't think to say it. They need to hear it, yeah. It's it's it's called taking someone for granted. And we all tend to fall into that a little bit if we don't constantly catch ourselves. It's just kind of human nature.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Why do you think women struggle with this, or why is this something that we have to even talk about?

SPEAKER_02 3:39

We get busy and the fact that he comes home every day and he's there, we don't have to uh arrange dates in order to see each other. You know, you start kind of just assuming things. And also we start sometimes to be a little picky about our husband's weird quirks. They're not always weaknesses, sometimes they are, but sometimes they're just quirks. And so we start focusing more on what's wrong rather than how amazing he is and the reason we married him in the first place.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Why do you think they need admiration? Obviously, women like it too, but why do men love this? What is this? What is the difference between us being mired and them being admired?

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Men have a great need, not that women don't, but men have a great need to feel competent. Feeling competent in their areas is is kind of a life's blood for them. And the fact that we notice you become a witness to each other's lives when you're married.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

How often do you, on average, do you think you admire your husband openly?

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Every day, several times.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Yeah, every day.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

It's a habit, it's a habit for me now. I mean, and the thing is you've got to remember, I grew up with fascinating womanhood. So I was taught it from my childhood. Um, I think I I think of him and look at him and and appreciate what he does. He always takes out the trash. And, you know, uh those of us whose husbands do things for us like that, those little things, how often do we say, thanks for doing that? That's really thoughtful, even though he does it every time. And complimenting his abilities, I'll tell Bob, I I love the way you I hear when I hear you talking to patients, because I work with them sometimes. And I love that, because I actually do, and it's not but I I didn't used to always just say it regularly. I love how you did that.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Or um or if he offers to do something for me, uh, I'll say thanks for offering that. Even if I, you know, even if I don't need him to do it. Um, and you know, like we always say in Fascinating Womanhood, the the tip is it's it's gotta be genuine. But you married this person, so there's obviously many things you genuinely admire about him.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

What do you think about the men out there? I've heard this so many times, that are constantly boasting about their strengths and their abilities. And they're constantly, I almost want to say bragging a little bit. And women women will say to us, Well, I don't want to compliment him or do any of that because he's constantly bragging about all the things he can do. And it's just gonna give him kind of like an arrogance if I if I praise him. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_02 6:29

I actually think it's the opposite. He does it because he isn't getting it. And you know, I I think about my father-in-law, he was such a good man. He didn't get a lot of that because his wife, my mother-in-law, would say he'll get a big head. He didn't get the competence appreciated, so he created his own. So men who brag a lot probably are starving for admiration and feeling appreciated.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

I completely agree. And when you said that, I I kind of nodded because I thought, you know, this is exactly what I think is that it's a sign. And I think that's a really helpful tip for anybody out there that is wondering if they're giving their husband enough admiration. And maybe you're thinking, maybe I should give him more. I'm not sure. Well, if he if you catch him kind of starting to do some of that, hey, guess what? I, you know, I got a my boss told me today that I did a great job on this. And that's kind of a little subtle hint that he's probably not making. He's not purposely trying to intentionally ask you for admiration, of course, but that's a hint for you to, oh, you know, he's kind of looking for more admiration. And I need it, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

It's like, it's like in a strange way, it's kind of like if you know, you pass a restaurant and it smells really good and it makes you hungry when they say, Wow, that smells good. That's your hint that they're hungry.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Exactly. Yeah, that's a really good example. And I think sometimes we get these comments, and I just have to bring this up because it kind of is always in the back of my mind is women will say, Well, you're basically telling us to treat our husbands like our children, saying, Good job, and thinking, and that's not what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

I would definitely not say good job. That's so immature. Yeah, and that and it's too nonspecific. Right. It's definitely, yeah, definitely don't treat your husband like a child. But and that's where, like, I go back to what I said before, it has to be sincere and genuine.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Right. And some of this advice, because we're just giving it to you in a podcast, it's gonna sound maybe translated in some women's minds, like, oh, that sounds like the way I talk to my child. Then don't do that. Don't talk, don't say, Oh, thanks for doing the dishes in a way that you might say it to a child. You have to tailor this to your guy. You know your guy. We don't. But don't say it in a in a way that he's a child. That's he's gonna pick up on that. He's not he's not a dummy.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Yeah, he's gonna pick up on that. Well, and when I when you thank him for taking out the trash, don't say the same phrase every time. Be specific and say, you know, I really appreciate the fact that you think of this and you do it.

unknown 8:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

Because I might be happy to do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

The other day my husband filled up my gas tank and I didn't even notice it until the next day. And I noticed it and I said, Hey, thanks for filling up my gas for me. And he said, You noticed.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

I can just hear him.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

He did it just like he says. Because he he was hoping I would have noticed right away. I noticed the next day. But that meant a lot to him, you could tell that I said something about it. And it's not in a mother-child way, it's in a I really did genuinely appreciate it because I I don't know about you guys, but I don't like filling my car up with gas. It's just a chore that I need to do.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

And let's add on to it. I think it's still cold where you are.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

It is, exactly. It's freezing, it's raining almost every day. And he did that for me and didn't even ask, and he just did it. So that's a small practical everyday example of a way that's kind of, I know it doesn't sound like you're admiring him, but you are admiring him by saying, Hey, you you thought of me, and I appreciate that about you.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Well, and he did it without expecting prize. Exactly. Because he, if you hadn't noticed, he would have probably been kind of disappointed, but he wouldn't have chastised you because you didn't notice or didn't say you noticed.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Yes. And if you're not in the habit of doing this out there, ladies that are listening, just try it for a few weeks, and you're gonna just notice a change of tone in your relationship. I promise. But it has to be genuine. That's the only thing. It can't, you cannot fake and specific. In specific, yes. Okay. The second one is respect his nature. Uh what does this mean?

SPEAKER_02 10:36

It means that we are who we are, and some of us are shy, like me, some of us are not, some of us are more beta, some more alpha. So who you marry is already comes the way he is, with his his personality, his nature, and accepting somebody for what he is, if you were dreaming of marrying someone that was six foot five and he's five foot eight, you don't constantly try to get him to wear lifts in his shoes to be taller. That it's kind of an extreme example, but where you're trying to get him to be somebody different. And you know, if anyone has ever told you, I like you exactly like you are, don't ever change, that is such a freeing feeling.

unknown 11:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

And few of us ever get told that. Or if you haven't, just imagine how you'd feel if someone said, Don't ever change. You're exactly right, just how you are. Even though you know you're not, it makes you actually want to improve yourself. Yes, I agree. And at least I I have found. And so if you can know, if you can just imagine what that would feel like, you can give that to your spouse free because you actually can't change him. When you've said yes to him, when he said, Will you marry me? I doubt you were thinking, let's see, how can I change him? Although I did know one woman who said, when I told my husband I would marry him, I figured I'd have him in shape in about 15 years. And I thought, oh no. But most of us are just so excited, I know I was, to be getting married.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

So this one's really a lot tougher than it may sound because we marry, we marry we obviously marry our men a certain way. And then we kind of in a way, we we start to really get to know them and and through time we learn more about them. And maybe we like you said earlier with the first uh secret, that you start to see things about them that maybe you don't love and you didn't really see it that way before. Or maybe you just stop seeing all the good things about them and it's mixed in with the things you don't like about them. And that's where we get into this kind of tug of war with acceptance. What do we accept? What do we not accept?

SPEAKER_02 12:42

Yeah, well, you know, accepting doesn't mean you agree. Like if uh if your husband, let's he's a real, a real safe example, let's say he really likes junk food and you're more conscious of health and exercise and that kind of thing. A lot of women fall into this for his own good thing, say he's gained some weight or just he's unhealthy, um, you cannot change him. Now, when you have children and they're small, you do have a responsibility to try to uh teach them the right things, but you're not teaching your husband. You're not marrying someone who you're gonna raise, you're marrying somebody as a companion. So when you accept what is, what already is, and you just think, okay, my husband is um not very talkative. You don't try to get him to be talkative as you accept him where he is, and it actually helps to unlock the best in him.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

I think this one is about accepting your man specifically, but it's also, and this is what we don't talk about enough. It's also about accepting men generally. Generally, men are this way. You have to translate that with your guy. But generally, men are this way, and I need to accept that. And I think we talk so much about okay, we'll accept that he eats, you know, drug food, or accept how tall he is, or accept his eye color. You know, those are like, I think the little bit more basic, easier ones. But what can be really challenging is accepting how men are and that he's in that category, and you can't, like you said, you can't force him to not be shy, or you can't force him to start being talkative when you have an argument and you want him to talk when that's kind of a pretty typical male response to solving problems, is not talking about.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

There was um it's been a while since I've seen that movie, The Sound of Music. A lot of you've probably seen it, but there's a line in there that I thought was really appropriate. It's towards the end when Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer get married, the captain and Maria. Yes, I know what you're talking about. And the friend of theirs tries to get the captain. Can you remember what he wanted him to do? And she said, I can't. Matt, his name is Max. He said, Max, I can't ask him to be less than he is. She said, You must get Georg to do such and such. I don't remember what it was. Yeah. And he said, I can't ask him to be less than he is. So she she understood this and wasn't even going to talk to him about it because she knew who he was. And that's kind of what we're talking about. She knew him, understood him, and was not going to ask him to do something she knew he wasn't going to do anyway.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

So why do you think accepting him for who he is and understanding all these things, why does that translate into him adoring you? Well, he feels safe.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

He feels like somebody understands me. If somebody says to you, don't ever change, I like you just the way you are, just if you allow yourself to feel what that feels like, you get a little bit of an inkling how someone might feel comfortable. You can relax and be yourself and not think if I'm myself, I'm in it one false move and I'm gonna get corrected.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Right. Yeah, that's perfectly said. Yeah, I agree. And there is one kind of, I don't want to say caveat, but there is kind of a side tip to this one, and is that accepting him doesn't necessarily mean that you need to be silent or suppress your feelings. I think that's one that I think it gets very mistaken with acceptance, is that if he is being a bit of a rascal, if you will, at times, because some men are, that you just accept his that he is mistreating someone or he's he's being hurtful to you. That doesn't mean that you just, oh, I just have to accept it and you know be a doormat in a sense.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

No, that we're talking about boundary setting now. It doesn't mean you have no boundaries because that's when that's imposing on your boundaries. And that that's that's a little bit different subject, but I'm glad you brought it up because it could be misunderstood. Accepting him for who he is, it doesn't mean you set no boundaries for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Well, and his behaviors and the words coming out of his mouth, those are things that you don't really have to accept, especially if they're negative and they're hurtful.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

You don't have to accept that. I was thinking if he accepting, like, say he is kind of quiet and doesn't talk much. Exactly. Yeah. And you you can say, hey, can can I talk with you? Do you have time to talk with me?

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Well, that's why we call it respect his nature and and accept and respect his nature, meaning that's his nature, not a bad habit that he has picked up that is hurtful.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think of a bad habit that's hurtful.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Um well, like like that some men will be very sarcastic or they'll they'll be sending. Those are what I would kind of consider like a bad habit, not necessarily your needs.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

That's not that's not who he is. That's right. That's just being rude. Rude is not who he is.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

But you do want to accept, oh, he tends to solve problems in this way. He tends to need a couple days, or he tends to need some quiet time when he's going through something really difficult, and he's stress. This is how he handles stress. And obviously, there's going to be healthy and unhealthy parts to some of those things, but generally you are respecting and accepting his nature and how he is.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yeah, sarcasm is not part of your nature. Exactly. It's a behavior. Sorry. Nice try. Yeah. Rudeness is not part of your nature.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

No. Okay. Okay, secret number three is creating warmth in the home. I know we talk about this a lot in Fascinating Womanhood. You call this the domestic goddess. That's more of a phrase that we use a lot, but creating warmth in the home also includes how you greet and say goodbye to your guests. And when it comes to your husband, we like to call it the 30-second reunion rule where you have that short period of time to greet him. And whether it be a kiss, a hug, both, if you've got a baby in your arms, whatever it is that you can do to greet him and also say goodbye to him really means a lot to him.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

You notice when he comes and when he goes, and I do that, I do that a lot better than Bob does. I'm just constantly aware of it. Like yesterday I was back in my office working on the new book, actually, and I didn't hear the garage door go up like I usually do, but I heard, because he had his, he was listening to some podcasts, and I heard voices in the kitchen. I thought he must be home. So he didn't immediately come and find me, so I stopped what I was doing and I went to find him because I wanted to greet him and acknowledge that he was home rather than have him have to come find me. And the same thing's true with I'm better at when leaving. I always find him if he's here and say, I'm going to the store or something. And we always kiss and arrange when will you be back and that kind of thing. It's a greeting and a saying goodbye. It's acknowledging if if a person just leaves and no one even notices, there's something a little hollow about that.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Well, and there's something about greeting and saying goodbye and kind of like having a rule, I guess, that you have in your home about it that makes your home automatically feel warmer.

unknown 20:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

You ever go to someone's home, and every time you come in, they either hug you or maybe you don't love hugs, but they somehow greet you in a way that you feel welcome. You should be giving that to your husband every single day. I think these are just small things that add to a warm home. Have you ever been in a huge, beautiful, perfect looking home? I know I have, but the feeling inside of it is contentious. It's it's a cold feeling. It's a stress, exactly. Yeah, even though there's order and beauty everywhere, it feels like you need to walk on eggshells. This is also what we're talking about. And and I don't want to say that this is all on you as the as the wife. It's it's definitely not all on you, but we're just kind of we're challenging you to be the leader of your the warmth and tone in your home because we're so good at it.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Well, yeah, the thing is we're women, women tend to be good at it. And we're the relationship leaders, we're more sensitive to relationships. Some men are, so you somebody could always bring out an exception. And I know men who are kind of the exception, but as in the majority, men don't tend to be as in touch with these things as quickly as women or even ever. They don't notice. And so, but they do notice the feeling in the home.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

What do you have to say for the women out there that say, well, I work and he works, and we should just split everything 50-50. What do you think about that when it comes to the home?

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Well, she is she going to be the boss then and decide what split split, how do you create the atmosphere? Who's in charge to make sure it all gets done? I mean, that's that becomes its own problem. If you, you know, like you pointed out a while ago, before you had children, you did divide things up because you were both working. But once you had a child, everything changed. You are the natural one to get up in the night with the baby and and do those things. Now we're you know, we don't want to get off the subject of creating atmosphere, but it does bleed into that because you you mentioned, I mean, you should probably talk about you come home and there was no dinner cooking because you both had been working all day.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

I guess to not get too far on a tangent, I will just say that I have tried that. And I understand the women that say, Well, I work really hard and I shouldn't have to do all this. And I did try that. And I did have some success because my husband does want to help and he is a hard worker. But what I can tell you with absolute certainty is that he will never think the same way as you do. My husband doesn't see what I consider to be half. He just he just simply doesn't see it. He doesn't care the way that the laundry is folded, he doesn't clean the bathroom the same way as me. We have different standards. And like you said earlier, if you want that, I want you to do 50% of my expectations. Not 50% of what you think needs to be done, but 50% of what I think makes my home warm and this atmosphere is there. You're never gonna get it. You're gonna become this boss lady that's his mom.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

And he's gonna push against it.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Because this video is about ways to get him to adore you. And yes, I understand you're working hard and you're coming home and you're exhausted, but he doesn't see it the way you do, and you're never gonna get him to see it the same way that you do. So you can only do your best and be the leader of the things that you're good at and don't expect him to do what you do.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

Well, it's also his home. And and he has a right. Well, all of you have rights, quote unquote, in your home. So it isn't like this is my way, is the way it should be. And so he should adapt to that. And we're talking about atmosphere. It isn't all chores, right? A lot of it is atmosphere, is of uh love in the home, uh, a sense of humor in the home. Yeah. Um, good, good, good aromas, uh, uh good food, good laughter, acceptance where you feel like you can relax and and dream and plan for the future. Uh, that's that's the creation of atmosphere that we're talking about, not just chores. Some people can just hire someone to to clean their house, but there's still atmosphere that if you hire somebody uh and you have a cleaning person who comes in every day, which I've never had every day, come in and do it, you still have to create atmosphere.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

We could probably do an entire podcast on just this one. There's so many parts to it, but I think the the biggest key points have been made about it being warm, about you greeting him, saying goodbye. That alone will change your relationship so much if you are not in the habit of it. And just making sure that it's not about perfection, it's about peace and love in your home. Yeah, you protecting that in your home.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

The welcome feeling.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Yes. Okay, secret number four is let him be your hero. Believe in him before the world does.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

You need to be his biggest fan. He knows that above everything, anyone else in the whole world, including his parents, might be a big fan. You are his biggest fan and his biggest supporter. You believe in him and he needs to know it.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

I think this one is so so simple, but so many women resist this vulnerable feeling of I need you. There is a shift in our culture that just keeps on shifting and shifting, I think for the worse, of women saying, we don't need men. I the I'm so tired of hearing this phrase, we don't really need them, they're not necessary.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

That's somebody who doesn't who hasn't really looked in, is really taking men for granted.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

What do you do on a practical daily basis that you think allows your husband to be your hero?

SPEAKER_02 26:09

He protects me from things. He makes me feel protected. It it's knowing that he will offer to handle a an obnoxious person on the phone. He will handle those things for me. It doesn't happen very often, but I I know that he he does does and will. He's really good at solving problems. Like uh, for example, we don't do this all the time either, but it comes to mind whenever we uh buy a car, he is not he's not afraid to get in there and get a good deal. I wouldn't do it. It's and that's a big thing. You don't buy cars every day, but uh his confidence in dealing with some of those things that I'm not that confident in, he he is he always offers to drive when we go out of town, and that and that happens a lot. And I can drive, I don't mind driving, but I love it that he offers to do it. I love that. And um Especially when it's raining or something.

unknown 27:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Well, you know what? I'm glad you I'm glad you brought that up. When we pull into a gas station, he gets out and braves the wind and the rain to pump the gas. He doesn't ask me to or even if I was driving, he gets out. He opens doors for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Well, he drops you off, and my husband does this too. He drops you off at the door of a store like when it's raining. And or you can ask for that. See, maybe your husband doesn't do these things and you want him to do these things. You can ask him, Would you mind dropping me at the door? Uh, so I don't get caught in the rain. Most men want to do that, they just there's this feminine, this extreme feminist anti-man viewpoint out there that he's heard so much. Of course he has. How could he not? I mean, it's everywhere. And he may be thinking, Oh, if I do that, I'm insinuating that she's weak. There's a lot of men that were raised with feminine feminist moms, and that's all they know. And it's okay for you to, if you if you want this from him and you want to show him that, you know, you want him to provide and protect you. It's okay to say, hey, would you mind doing this for me? I think a lot of women are nervous to do that. They they think, oh, I can do it. It makes me look helpless.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

And that's saying you don't want a man to ever be your hero. And I think most women really do like that idea, uh, if they if they actually stop and think about it. But a man who opens the door for you uh when you uh going into a store or or offers to carry things for you, that's a kind of a hero too. It may seem like a small thing, but it is it is being a hero. So he's not saving your life every day. Thank goodness you don't need it to have that happen every day. But believing in him is the other part to that, is you believe this guy. I'm so lucky to be married to this guy. He is amazing, and I want the whole world to know it.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah. Yes, just because he rescues you from time to time doesn't insinuate that you're weak. I think that's the biggest misunderstanding with this one is it doesn't mean that you're weak. Yesterday, I tried to open a bottle of vanilla, one of those, I think that was the one that you gave me.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

It's really hard to open. And I'm a really strong person. I consider myself to be really strong and I can do it. You know, I can I can open lids, but when I tried to open it, I only gave it about five seconds and I I handed it to him. And he has this big smile on his face when I hand him a jar to open. Could I have probably opened it? Yeah, I probably could have, but he's right there and he did it in three seconds. So I think it's silly little things like that that add up.

SPEAKER_02 30:01

Yeah, it's it's a constant of those that as you not only need him, but show him that you need him. No person can live on their own very well and be totally alone and not need anybody. Even people who say, I can handle myself, they rely on service people out there, people who manage the roads and and people who stock shelves and grow. Nobody can do it all. We all need other people. We need doctors to go see when we're sick. And so nobody can get through this life without needing anybody. And if you don't have anyone, you're up on top of a mountain somewhere, that's extremely lonely and dangerous.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Yeah, I agree. And I think this one is also about inviting him into your life a little bit more, inviting him to solve problems. We've had so many women write into us and say things like, you know, our finances are not in a great place. And I don't know what to do. You know, maybe, maybe she in this scenario is in charge of them, but they they're not as great as she'd like them to be, and she's struggling. Well, invite him to solve the problem with you. Or maybe you have a conflict with one of your children and you're really struggling it. Invite him to help you solve the problem. Let him come in and save the day. And it doesn't mean that your opinion doesn't matter. It doesn't mean your opinion goes out the door. It means that you're trusting him and showing him, hey, I I need you. I I need you here. He needs to be needed.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

Well, yeah, it's it's it's so basic, but people don't always realize it.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

Yeah, for me. I think this is uh this can be tough for especially the alpha ladies, the strong personality ladies out there that really, you know, their motto is if you want something done right, you got to do it yourself, you know, the ladies that are in that category. And and I I I do feel a lot of connection to that because I'm that way and I feel very I'm a very kind of stronger personality, and I have a I have a sense of like, I need to get this done and you know, I need to get done quickly. So I think this is about accepting that vulnerable feeling that you have to have when you need him and you just don't feel like asking, or you the last time it didn't maybe go so well, but give him another chance and keep keep trying to invite him to do things with you, to solve things with you, be a part of the solution because he needs to feel needed and he will cherish you when he feels like he has protected you. It it's this feeling that he has. I think all men have this feeling of wanting to save the day. I mean, you see it in your little boys. It starts when they're young, just like little girls like to be, you know, a certain way. Little boys like to save the day and they like superheroes. Like that's kind of where this is stemming from, is that natural need in them to save and to save.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Well, sometimes sometimes I actually say that to Bob, like if I'm coming in the house and I've been to the grocery store and I'm trying to carry too many things, and you know how you probably had this experience where one of the bags is about to slip out of your hand. And he comes and he grabs it and I'll say, You saved me. And it's it's not like he killed the dragon, but there's a feeling of you saved me. This bag was gonna drop and there was glass in there, something was gonna break, or I was I was trying to carry too much or do too much, and he'll rush in and grab it and uh to stay.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

That doesn't mean that you are weak. It just it's okay that you need help.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

It means I shouldn't have taken so many bags in at once. And and he noticed I could take one bag at a time. I'm a little stronger than that, but sometimes there's a 25-pound bag of flour, and that's that's a pain for me, especially now that I'm older, and he'll don't lift that, I'll I'll I'll do it. And he does. And I to say, you're my hero, you saved me is not inappropriate. And he just smiles.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Yes, I think just remember that this is something that most men generally really, really crave. Yeah. Okay, secret number five is create joy in your relationship because the happiest couples laugh together.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

Humor and playfulness is a really important part of healthy marriages.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

And do you want to just share really quick how long you've been married for those that don't know? Uh, in in May, it'll be 57 years. 57 years, and you this is something that the both of you I've witnessed all my life, are very good at. You guys are you could teach a masterclass and having joy in your relationship, and you have been through so many hard things. Yeah, so many difficult things that I have witnessed, and you have always been good at this.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Not one day have I ever not been grateful that I got to marry him. And even on days that are hard, I always tell myself, look at him and realize you got to marry him. And we laugh a lot together, and we sense that we need to find things to laugh about because sometimes life can get way too serious. And sometimes we'll lie in bed and just laugh about silly stuff, stupid stuff, and just a meme that we saw that was funny, or and we'll show each other some funny thing and we'll just laugh and share that.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

So in Fascinating Womanhood, we call this joy in your relationship. We also call it girlishness. And for those of you that aren't familiar with that topic, you definitely need to read her book because otherwise we'll be on here for another hour or two. And we've actually done videos about this topic as well. But being girlish is basically to kind of put it in a nutshell. It's about being in touch with your inner child. And and I I think you brought it up, uh, you know, dads kind of like that. I think it's good, because men can be in touch with their inner child, and that's great. And I think us women, we recognize that and we love it. But we are we're talking mostly majority to women today, and we're talking about finding this joy and connecting with your inner child, which we call girlishness, and in a way to develop more joy in your marriage and more laughter in your marriage, diffusing tension in your marriage. And that's the thing. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Yeah, that's the thing that a lot of women find girlishness really helpful in their relationship because it you can apply it in to diffuse tension. And when you do, it can make your relationship actually closer instead of more awkward or uh cold. And it's simple. You have to learn about it. It's simple, but it's something that women can learn to do or relearn. They knew when they were little, because little kids are so not sophisticated. They don't, you know, they just say it. I don't like that, or I I like this. And it's also a way that we can learn to how to ask for things in a simple way, instead of doing the the endless hinting that women always do, because we get it between ourselves, but men very rarely get hints like we do.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Well, and creating joy in your relationship can be really challenging during tough times. And I I love what you said earlier about no matter what's going on, you try to laugh together. I think that's really that's a but it's it's tough. And I think if you can just be aware of it, really, if you as the woman can just be aware, things are really serious, things are really tense. Doesn't mean that you need to, you know, go put on SNL and start watching it. It just means you're looking for moments, just as simple as looking for moments that you can kind of laugh or find humor. It could be tiny little things.

SPEAKER_02 37:58

I know some of some of you know that in our family, we love that sitcom, I Love Lucy. And it's still very well known and still being played somewhere in the world all the time. But what that show did was took ordinary, everyday things that happened and brought out the humor in them. They didn't target any race, they weren't sarcastic really. They were it's they took ordinary, ridiculous things that happened to us and exaggerated it and made it funny. And that's what comedians do. The reason people go to comedy clubs and laugh, they take ordinary things that happen to human beings and they see the humor in it and they bring that out and people laugh.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

If you're not if you're not good at this, what are your tips for people that are just not, you know, grew up very serious, maybe that's their nature to be a little bit more serious. What is your advice for for those people?

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Well, I guess it depends on which part you're referring to, but because just appreciating things, showing uh joy when someone gives you something, that's pretty easy. Just uh being really happy that someone gave you something, even if it's isn't your favorite. You can focus on the thoughtfulness they had in thinking of you and giving you anything. But there's also if it's if it's you're talking about diffusing tension, if they've if the person has really wounded you, that approach isn't really appropriate. You need to just have a quiet talk with them when you're not in the middle of the pain, like you're not in the middle of doing something else and you have to bring it up. But you a lot of women find that when they read the book and they learn about these principles, they kind of can practice beforehand and think what they'll say the next time their husband is thoughtless or grumpy with them. How do they respond? They can think of a response in events so they don't get caught like, uh, what do I say now? A lot of women learn to look forward to the time there's that tension in the relationship because they can't wait to practice this principle and they see how it diffuses it so beautifully and actually helps their relationship to be closer. It's it's an amazing part of fascinating womanhood and it's really quite simple.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Yeah, and and anybody that else, anybody else that's struggling with this, one thing that really helps me, because I've gone through a lot of times in my life where this is really hard, is to go take a trip down memory lane when you first met him. Because the majority of us when we first met him naturally did this. The majority of us were excited in the beginning phases of the courtship and we were excited when he called and we were excited to spend time with him. And just to remember and cherish that, and I think you said this several times throughout this whole conversation is that we take them for granted. And if you can take that trip down memory lane as much as you need to, if you need to do it every day, do it every day, do it several times a day. I do it a lot. Yeah, and remember that time, and it will help you to find not only positivity in your relationship, help you to see the good in him, and that will kind of naturally fuel joy for you and to not stop dating him, too. I think there couples don't date anymore. There's a lot of couples that say, Well, we just don't have time, we just can't, we can't afford it, whatever it is. You can be creative with dating just like you probably were in the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

It's just about free dates together. Dates don't require money, they don't have to require money. Anything that we do alone together is a date.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

You know, one thing that is really, I sympathize a lot of ladies out there, their husbands are more serious. And maybe they're trying to find joy, but their husband is more serious, or vice versa. But sometimes you have an imbalance in your relationship where one person's more serious and it's hard to find that joy. And I think that that's okay. It's okay for you to be the one that's hopefully it would be you that's trying to find the joy. Maybe, maybe your husband is better at it. But I think if you don't have it with your husband and he's more serious, which is what I think we hear more often, it's okay for you to be the one that's finding more joy. It will be contagious to him eventually.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Well, chances are one of the reasons he was attracted to you is because he needs that. He needs your personality to be like that. I know somebody who's married to a man who's had a lot of post-traumatic stress and he's very, very serious. And she isn't. And I can see, because I'm not involved in it personally, how he was attracted to her, partly because she is the way she is.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

Well, and that's probably hard for her because she wants him to join in on it every once in a while. She's not getting that from him. And I think this is just about being aware of it and saying, you know, I feel really good that I am adding this to my relationship. It's my contribution to our relationship to put joy in it and to take everything so, so seriously. And to be a per a person that is trying to strive for positivity and gratitude, all of those things.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

Exactly. What I would say with this is uh this is another area of fascinating womanhood where women, because they're so relationship-oriented, can do something about this because we're in touch with our emotions better and the relationship, and we are willing, it's not that men aren't, but they often don't notice to learn how to do these things. Some of them are really small, like continue to date and finding things to laugh about. Those are things you can do and find things just like the absurdity of some things in life that you can laugh about.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

Yeah, yeah. And I think I think one thing that I personally believe about all men, generally speaking, all men need their wives to express their happiness. If you've got a couple and the man is saying, Well, she's just sad all the time or she's negative all the time, it's It's kind of a triple whammy in a way because he's not feeling like he's competent. He's not feeling like he's her hero. He's like all the things we're talking about today, he's not feeling like he has succeeded because men generally have this sense of I want to make my wife happy. I want I married her because I want to take care of her, I want to make her happy. I I I love her and I want her to be happy in life. And if you are not showing that, maybe you feel it, but you're not showing that or expressing it, it's going to make him feel like he he failed.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 44:35

Okay, well, those are our five secrets to getting your man to adore you. I hope you enjoyed it. And there's so much more to all of these topics. We've actually done videos, I think, on each one of these on YouTube. So if you want to learn more, if you have questions, go to go visit our YouTube channel, send us some fan mail, let us know what you think. We would love to hear from you. We're always doing podcasts. We would love to hear from the audience on topics you want to hear about, questions that you might have. We'll read them on the air if you have any. Please send those to us. And don't forget to visit www.fascinatingwomanhood.com to learn more about us. Our whole story is on there, how we started, all of our books, workbooks, everything you could possibly want to know about us is all on our website.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

Exactly. And thank you for joining us. Yeah, and we'll see you next time. Take care. Bye.