The Truth About Feminine Power (No One Talks About This)

What if feminine power isn’t what you’ve been taught?

In this episode, we break down the real meaning of feminine power, beyond stereotypes, trends, and surface-level advice. We talk about why so many women feel disconnected from themselves while trying to emulate masculine power to get ahead, and how to reconnect in a way that feels natural and authentic. 

Fascinating Womanhood teaches 4 simple, powerful ways to tap into your feminine energy in everyday life, without forcing, faking, or changing who you are. And bonus tip: you'll learn about how feminine power can be used for positive intent as well as evil intent, and how different the two types of power are often used. 

If you’ve ever felt out of alignment or unsure of your own power, this conversation will shift how you see yourself.

Visit www.fascinatingwomanhood.com to learn more about us, read our books and connect with us!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the official Fascinating Womanhood Podcast, where we explore timeless principles for developing true femininity, inspiring authentic masculinity, and building strong, loving, and lasting relationships. I'm Cherry Lynn and I'm here with my mom, Dixie and Alyn Forsythe. Together we'll dive into the heart of what makes relationships thrive, offering practical wisdom and heartfelt conversations to help you live a more fulfilled and fascinating life.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Today we are talking about feminine power. We actually did a YouTube video about this years and years ago. And I went to watch it to see what we had said to kind of review for this podcast. And I realized it was less than 15 minutes long.

SPEAKER_04 0:50

Yeah, so it's pretty brief.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

It's brief, and we just left a lot out for such a big topic. We wanted to talk about this today, and what we're going to cover is what does feminine power really mean? We want to discuss it in detail. And we also want to talk about four ways that you can tap into your feminine power. What does it mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:12

Well, see, that's the big question because when you look up power, the definition you get is masculine power, really. There is no real definition for feminine power. People might see that it's an attractive, sexy woman. And that's powerful. Uh there's there's a lot of problems with that. First of all, not all women who who have feminine power are even attractive. And you don't have to be exactly. And uh and you can be any age, not two years old, but you can be you can be an old woman and still have feminine power. It doesn't really work, it's really shallow, and that's not what we are. It's much deeper.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Well, what's funny is when you go to look this up, because I I I did that before we were gonna getting ready to record this, I was like, okay, I want to see, because I did this when we filmed our YouTube video years ago. And I was like, oh, let's see if it's changed over the years and see if it's it's different. Because when we recorded the first YouTube video, I had said I had looked it up and it showed a bunch of attractive, sexy women as part of like the images involved in Google for what feminine empower meant. And then I did it again this week, and it still showed that, but this time I had a little bit of a difference. It showed a lot of information about feminine energy, and your energy equals power. And I clicked on a couple of the links, and one of the suggestions that these this company or this group had made to be more feminine and have more feminine power is to wear stilettos and wear red lipstick. And like take care of yourself and walk off, which I I I'm not saying those things are bad. I just think it's just a misunderstanding. Like you said, well, it doesn't have to do with being attractive, it's not just about how you're not necessarily no, and while those things are somewhat powerful, I guess, they're not really as powerful as some of the things we want to talk about today. And they hurt your feet on top of that. Well, we don't all we don't all need to be wearing those things.

SPEAKER_04 3:15

No, I mean, those who like to wear them fine, but uh they are they are foot crushers.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

I mean, it's yeah, it's an outwards appearance is just kind of a separate part of, I guess, feminine power. But when you're digging more into like, well, what does feminine power mean? And we touched on the outwards, and we touched a little bit on the energy part, which I guess is kind of a good thing to say that it's about your energy, but that's a little vague to me. Like digging in a little bit. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_04 3:44

Yeah, what is feminine energy? You know, it's so abstract and nobody knows what it means.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

Yeah, so we really want to dig into that more. So can you talk a little bit about because you know, I I think you mentioned it earlier, when you look this up, it's really masculine power. What's the difference then? If there's masculine power and feminine power, there's so many people out there today that just believe that we should just blend masculine and feminine. Who gets to decide what's masculine and feminine? It's not describe the masculine power and the feminine power to help everyone get a better gain a better understanding of what this means.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

It's not that women don't ever use or wield any of it because it's not it's not totally black and white, but uh masculine power that men use to get tasks done is either by persuasion, like good sales tactics, money, and we'll make a deal here. It's not it's not always bribery, but you know, money. Brute force is another one, like the military, like law enforcement, or just because you you can. And authority is the other one where you you are the president or you are the CEO. So you have authority to get things done rather than it's you yourself. You know what I mean? And you notice every one of those, none of those points have anything to do with relationships. You can wield uh masculine power without any feeling whatsoever towards who you're wielding it with.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Can you give an everyday example? I know you said power for masculine power, you said military and force. Can you give some specific examples of what masculine power looks like every day?

SPEAKER_04 5:24

Well, you well, yeah, we don't have to use mil because I don't see military power. That's kind of what unfortunately, yeah, in my life. It would be like a real classic example is at work, you know, and any of you have jobs. You have if you have a boss, they tell you what to do. You've got to do this, you've got to do that. You may have received an email that says you can no longer do this, this, or this, or else. That's power, and it's devoid of any relationship whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Even if you have a female boss doing that, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

It's more of a traditional masculine approach. Is that what you're saying? It's a masculine approach. But here's the thing men wield that kind of power better than women. Women can do it, and we do do it, but people tend to be more forgiving. Yes, yeah, of men doing it. The women, women, when they do it, they often get called the B-word or aggressive instead of assertive. I've heard female politicians say when they do the same thing that men do, they get called masculine and assertive, they get called aggressive and the B-word. What about feminine power every day?

SPEAKER_03 6:29

What does that kind of look like without getting too deep into it?

SPEAKER_04 6:34

Feminine power every day is more about influence, about the relationships you have with people. And what you do is the way you treat people inspires them to want to come along with what you're talking about instead of force. Your job is on the line instead of that kind of thing. Is I want to be like that. I want to please that person. It's not only a huge difference today, but the the key difference is it's lasting. Masculine influence and power doesn't last that long. I mean, as long as you can maintain the power. But feminine power can uh last uh even when you've died. And that to me, that's that's a huge thing. Uh who you are and what people wanting to be like you. People saying, I learned this from this person and I want to be that way because I've I've learned that I want to be like that person, have that kind of a life.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

Well, but men have that too. Men have their legacy. So how is it different?

SPEAKER_04 7:36

No, I'm talking about legacy in terms of their relation. People love them and want to. Okay, take somebody, take a famous person that um none of us have ever met because they they died long before we were born. Somebody like um Queen Elizabeth, everybody knows who she is. She was known to be very gracious, very warm, very friendly. That legacy, even though she's gone, she hasn't been gone that long, uh, is gonna last. She's gonna be known for those things. And they're things that people want to be attached to her. Now, she's maybe not a good example in saying I want to be like her because we didn't really know what she was really like. She was, she didn't really show us the real queen, the one that just um laughed at jokes and things like that. But uh take another person like my mother's mother, and I didn't really know her because she died when I was four. But the stories I've been told about her throughout my life make me want to be more like I picture that she was. She was very loving, she accepted people. You wanted to be like her.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

But don't men have that too?

SPEAKER_04 8:44

Don't mention it's like it's not black and white. Women, it's it's a it's a power with women that we tend to have in spades. Just like women can wield uh masculine power too, but it's not their core strength.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

So why would women care about tapping into their feminine power? I think I hear a lot of women say, Oh, I want to be more feminine and I want to work on developing myself and being more feminine, but why would they want to do that in hopes to be more powerful? Because power, when you hear that word, it's kind of the opposite sounding of feminine. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_04 9:21

Well, I'm I'm glad you brought that up because what you're talking about is manipulation. It's what I want for me. Whereas feminine power is more about relationships. You're not thinking about, I want a legacy, I want to be known for this. That's what that's when it fails. It has to be genuine, it has to be real. You have to be a real person that people want to be like, not how can I manipulate my way into this being who I'm what I'm known for. It has to be genuine. And even though, you know, men can do it, men are not, don't tend to be, and we always say tend to be, as uh in tune with relationships. They don't tend to be as sensitive to relationships. And so they don't, but there's some that are are probably unique and do it, but they don't tend to do that. They tend to be more interested in tasks, success, whether worldly, financially, or whatever. And it's not that they don't care about relationships, they don't think of them first. They're they're more the let's get the job done, we'll worry about the relationship later. Whereas women tend to more care about the relationship and don't want it to be destroyed in favor of the task.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

My biggest light bulb with this whole thing with like masculine versus feminine, and it took me a really long time to understand this. I think the difference is that you're both powerful and you can both achieve similar things. You can both be bosses of big companies, and you can both have legacies, and you can both get tasks done, but the way that it looks and the way it is approached is completely different and it and it impacts how you achieve that success. Yeah. And like a woman, like a female that is powerful, approaching it differently actually helps her succeed just as much as a man, if not more.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

It's our core, it's a core strength. That's for men, it's not a core strength. Yeah, it's not a core strength. Doesn't mean it's not black and white. You have it or you don't, but it's a core strength for women, and we don't develop it because we don't understand it.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

Exactly. I can't tell you how many times we get asked, especially in our private forums on social media, women saying they start out their questions with, How do I get him to do A, B, or how can I change this about him or our relationship to reach A, B, or C? And I think that's what is a big part of what's missing. Anyone that is starting out their question that way, that's a really big part of what's missing is that you really, you, you really don't really mean to, I don't think. You're manipulating him and you don't really realize it, or you're asking a manipulative question, you don't realize it, but you're gonna be so much more successful if you approach it in the how can I influence and genuinely be influential in the situation for the good. How can I help him rather than how can I get so what about you we've talked a lot about positive parts of feminine power and how legacy and how influential it is, but what about other bad parts of feminine power and what does that look like?

SPEAKER_04 12:35

You know, it's so interesting because uh on the one hand, in politics, you'll hear women say that there's this glass ceiling and they don't have the power men do. But on the other hand, it seems like whenever there is a marriage breakup, the woman is all powerful and she caused it. She's a home wrecker. Suddenly she has all this power. So what is that? What is the truth of that? I think that's a very interesting subject. Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships, it caused women can cause wars and all that stuff, and yet they're not powerful. There is actually power in seduction. And I'm not talking just about sexual, physical seduction, just emotional seduction.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

I really love what you've said in the past about feminine power being positive and negative, and you can compare it to just for a visual for those who want to understand this more. Think about all of the famous Disney movies and how there are Disney villains that are female and there are Disney villains that are male. But which ones are the worst ones? Usually it's the women. I mean, I don't know about everything about you, but when I was a kid, I was kind of terrified by the whatever her name was in Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent? Maleficent. I was terrified of her, and I was terrified of the Snow White Queen, who both of them were actually quite beautiful, if you think about it. They both had feminine power, beauty, and grace, and they were very uh graceful. They were, yeah. But it was their intent that suddenly made them so terrifying. And why is it that they are more, at least in my opinion, I think they're scarier than like Jafar from Aladdin? Like those women are far, far scarier to me. I'm trying to think of other villains that were male in Disney movies to compare it. But I think that the if you start thinking about it, you'll realize like, oh, the female villains are actually really terrifying, but why?

SPEAKER_04 14:43

I think it is so opposite to our natural nature that it's and I I've noticed for years that Disney, some of his worst villains are are women. Because when it's like when a woman goes bad, it's really bad. You don't expect them to. So it's always it's always more of a kind of a gotcha thing if a woman is. Like, you know, if there's a a murderer, you a serial killer, you don't assume it's gonna be a woman. It's almost always gonna be a man. Because women don't tend to do that.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

If you're talking about killers, that makes me think of Lori Vallow and how yeah, he technically, I don't think they were ever really able to prove that she killed anyone. She she was more in the position of manipulating others to kill and participating in the planning and stuff, which makes her so extremely creepy. Like I think people are fascinated with her the way that they're fascinated with, like you said, male serial killers who are much more violent than she was. But it's that feminine power of manipulation and being able to do things without brute force.

SPEAKER_04 15:57

I think that's a really good example because uh Lori Vallow is a fairly recent case in the news, and she, I don't think, actually physically killed anybody, but she she manipulated the people that she wanted to to do it, and they absolutely did.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

So we see her equally guilty to Chad, who was actually convicted of these murders. And for those of you that don't know what we're talking about, you can look it up. It's this husband and wife that sadly and very, very heartbreakingly killed their kids, but she wasn't convicted of actually physically taking their lives. It was the man that was, and and it's interesting in that story to see that she we don't think, or no one's been able to prove that she laid a finger on them. It was just that she's going to jail for the rest of her life for her innocent participation.

SPEAKER_04 16:52

The jury could see that without her, the murders wouldn't have happened, right?

SPEAKER_03 16:57

And we can all see it, it's not even just the jurors, we can all see it that something is wrong and the way that she speaks and her approach to things. And this is where we get into the feminine power for the negative, like it's a really a great example of extreme, you know, evil, basically. Um, that you can see, and she's just as intimidating and scary to me as Ted Bundy. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 17:22

Yeah, and in some ways worse because she the people that she had killed were people she should have loved. Exactly. So it she's creepy because she appears charming, but you also have to see that what she did, the manipulation, didn't really work because she's in prison.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Yeah, I think that's obviously an extreme example of feminine power being used negatively. But you can, if you start to think about this and really start to look for it, you can see how women will try to use feminine power in the negative every day in daily scenarios. They're trying to force an outcome versus just be the best that you can be and care, like you said, care about your relationships. Like you don't have any of that intent.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

Right. Feminine influence is usually not quick, it's over time. There's some quick uh applications of it for just uh simple things, but the long-term effects are patience.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

Exactly. And I think that's where when you're talking about fascinating womanhood, that's where we have ladies following us, and they they'll share. I see this all the time. They'll share stories. I've been following fascinating womanhood, and I read the books, and I'm starting to make progress, but dot dot dot. And then they start to go into wanting specific outcomes right away. And and in some some women get big in outcomes that they want really quickly, but others, most of us, have to wait because, like you said, it does take time to have this kind of mindset and and practice and influence over things. It just takes time. Yeah, sometimes years. Okay, now we're gonna go into the four ways for you to tap into your feminine power. The first one is your capacity to love. What does this mean?

SPEAKER_04 19:15

Now you notice there that that has nothing to do with the elements of masculine power. Women's natural, and some women uh sadly are lacking in this, but their natural capacity for nurturing, empathy, and selflessness. It it it tends to to influence people into wanting to be closer to you or to listen to you if they feel accepted and loved by you. You have a greater chance of influencing him them to whatever it is, if they feel that they can trust you, that that you love them, that you're on their side.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Yeah, and it has to be genuine. You can't be genuine. What does this look like in an like what's an everyday example of your capacity to love?

SPEAKER_04 19:59

Well, the first thing that comes to mind for those of us who are mothers is when you're a mother, your influence on your children. I found that it doesn't really do any good to to yell at your kids. Because they just they end up kind of uh tuning you out. If if you they but they listen more if you they feel understood by you. Like say say we have a child who gets in trouble at school and they come home and you want to deal with it. First listen to them, their side, what happened? And so that they know that it's safe for them to be honest with you. They're not gonna get in trouble for being honest with you. You solve the problem quicker, and and there's less contention. In fact, there's virtually no contention if they feel like they are uh believed and loved. And then you can you can solve it and the child will be stronger. And that's motherhood. It's true in all human interactions. The more you learn to understand another person, when you do, it's it's because you care about them. You have a basic caring about their well-being. Even if it's like I always use the grocery store because I'm there um every week. People in the grocery store, you don't know. If you are kind to people, and say you want someone to help you, if you are kind to them and uh not sympathetic because they may not be telling you any problems, but just if you show care for them, people tend to go way out of their way as opposed to if you if you demand things.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Yeah, I think this one has a lot to do with restraining for a lot of us. Not all of us are like that, but restraining ourselves from feeling like you have to say everything that's on your mind all the time because it can come across as harsh. And we want to tap into that capacity to love, meaning we want to care for others and show our sensitivity for others as much as we can.

SPEAKER_04 21:57

Okay, there's another uh Bob told me. Tell me about examples at his work. You know, he works in hospitals. And if you're good to the nurses, they will bend over backwards for you. They will move heaven and earth for you. They'll work overtime for you if you just treat them with respect and are good to them. Not schmoozing or anything like that. And so that that is a psychology. Now, Bob learned it as a task. But but nurses uh also learn that with patients. If you actually care about your patients and have compassion for them, they're more likely to be compliant with what they need to do, even if it's something unpleasant like getting a getting another IV or something that might hurt. They will do more and work more with you if they feel like they're in good hands.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

But does how does that become a slippery slope into manipulation because you're treating them a certain way because you want a certain outcome? Or how is that different?

SPEAKER_04 22:56

Well, because they'll sense if you just want an outcome over time. It just the the manipulation might work in the right up front, but it doesn't it doesn't last because how you really feel is gonna come out. They're gonna sense it. People are not stupid, and they can sense manipulation. Because if you really don't care about a person, really don't care, you just want this outcome, you're not gonna be able to keep it up for one thing.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

Yeah, and I think for those people that don't have children, I think this is where you can also, I know you mentioned the work example, which is really good, but I think you can also look at charity examples and peaceful change. I know women are the ones that form groups to have laws changed, and men do too, but it's more women. Women are the ones that rally in schools and become a part of the family associate associations. Yeah. Um, I know every school that my kids have attended, when I go to volunteer, it's 99% women that are there volunteering because we we are just a little bit more sensitive, we care a little bit more, we're better, a little bit better at multitasking. And it's just something that we're more interested in doing. We're we're more interested in forming these groups, these social groups, and making change in schools.

SPEAKER_04 24:15

Well, the only reason to do those volunteer things isn't for money, it's for it's for the outcome of people. The more masculine approach is okay, is this going to forward my career? Or if they're not getting paid, it's not as motivating for a lot of men. To be fair with them, they're they're built different than we are. So it's it's more of a natural strength for women.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

Well, and I do have to say, sometimes you do things not expecting a reward or not because of a reward, but then you'll surprisingly get a reward. Like for me, for example, I volunteer in my kid's school because he was having a lot of problems at school and there was a lot of misunderstandings coming home. When he'd come home, there would be a lot of things that would happen that would take place that didn't make sense to me. And so I started to volunteer because I wanted to be present in the school to learn more about what was going on. And not only did I learn more about what was going on, but I was actually able to make and have been able to make relationships with parents that it's actually helped me get closer to some of his teachers. And therefore, I've had not only a better understanding, but I've had them be easier on us and on him.

unknown 25:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

I didn't expect what happened at all. I just thought, oh, I want to be present so I can find out what's going on. But you might you might get a reward that just comes your way that surprises you.

SPEAKER_04 25:42

And that's that's a really good example of what I'm talking about, is it has long longer-term effects. It might take a little longer to build it, but again, if your big main motivation was manipulation, it takes too long. You have to actually care. It's it the reward isn't quick like you want for manipulation. And by the way, manipulation, the difference between manipulation and influence is with manipulation, the primary benefit is to one side, not both. And that's that's the big difference.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Okay. The second one is understanding men. This is like a big topic. What do we mean by understanding men to have feminine power? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_04 26:28

Well, it kind of goes back to what we originally saying about when people feel understood and accepted, they're a lot more patient. They'll they'll often tend to bend over backwards for you if they feel like you actually care. And if you do care and you and you seek to understand them, you're not going to be as hard on them either.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

So what does that what exactly does that mean to understand them? Because it like I'm sure people that are out there listening to this and they're new to Fascinating Womanhood, they're probably just thinking, oh, okay, so I'm listening to him. I'm understanding what he's saying.

SPEAKER_04 27:01

Well, the easiest thing would be is to to read Fascinating Womanhood for the Timeless Woman. Because there's a whole section on understanding men that instead of us trying to say here how to do it, it's understanding how their brain works differently. For an individual person, you understand him. Like my husband is very perfectionistic. Therefore, when these certain things happen, he's going to get stressed. So, therefore, what since I understand that about him, I'm not feeling as hard on him because I understand that's how he is. And so you will approach him more with that in mind, with empathy with his being a perfectionist. You seek to understand before you get really offended, for example.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

I think it's also about recognizing how men are valuable in this world and how women are valuable in this world. And if you are expecting men, and this isn't just have to be your husband, it can be all any man. If you're expecting men in general to be like you, copy you, think like you. And I know that that that's not necessarily a bad intent, but it's just maybe how your mind works. You're thinking, oh, why can't he just do this? Why can't he just why can't, you know, or maybe it's your boss. Why can't my boss just be more sensitive? If you can recognize and accept that they're just different and they're not probably going to be like you, that alone is understanding men.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

Here's an example happened to a relative. She liked the way her dad, some things about her father, the way he was very tidy. When she'd look in his closet, his shoes were perfectly lined up. And she liked that he was always perfectly well dressed. But she married a man who was was not so much that way, but unlike her father, he was really easy to get along with. He had a great sense of humor, and he wasn't quite as tidy. But then she realized that if her if her husband was like her father, he also uh would be more uptight like her father was, because her father was a good man, but he was stressed a lot and he had a lot of anxiety. And so she thought, if what I'm wanting is to pick and choose the qualities of her father that she liked and wished her husband was like that, instead, if she she realized that her husband, even though he wasn't as tidy, in exchange, she was getting a guy who was laid back, who wasn't stressed out, who said everything will work out. She traded the balance for it so that when she saw the shoes lying around, she thought, I'm getting this guy who's a lot more laid back, which is really what I need.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Yeah, it's just about recognizing a lot of these things, it sounds like. And I think sometimes it's the tiniest little changes in the way you speak to men too. Um did you say a friend or sister? Who was this?

SPEAKER_04 29:57

It was a relative.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

A relative. So this relative that you have that that is in the situation, she probably not only recognized these things, but she had to adapt a way of speaking to him. So instead of saying, Hey, you're you're messy, and I need you to pick everything up and turning into kind of a uh a mothering figure to him, she I would assume probably had to learn how to speak to him in a way that is understanding men. For the ladies that are trying to learn this, and I know you said we have to read because there's a lot of reading to do because this is such a big subject, but for the ladies out there that are trying to learn how to tap more into their feminine power, what is a way that they can start understanding men? Small steps that they can take to show their men that they they understand them.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

Well, first of all, if I say, think about him. What attracted you to him? What are things you like about him? What are his qualities? Sometimes we get uh questions that people write in and they they have this list of complaints about their husband, and at the end I think, well, what are his strengths? Tell me his strengths so we can have some balance here. And so in learning to practice this, look at his strengths. If you if you're too far away from it, write them down. What is it that attracted you to him? What qualities does he have? And talk to him and listen, and actually listen. And like you're wanting to learn what he's like. If you've been married a short time, you're gonna need more understanding than if you've been married a really long time. The things that you love about him, oh, I really like that he's a real hard worker, he's he sets a lot of goals, he's good with follow-through, and that balances out more the things that you don't particularly like.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

You're saying that understanding them, it sounds like it has a lot to do with getting to know them. And then that's what I'm taking away from this. And then how does that make us powerful as women if we understand it it kind of makes it sound like we are kind of having to do a lot of work and we're doing a lot of sacrifice? How does this make us powerful? And what about when he's mistreating you or when he is hurting you?

SPEAKER_04 32:14

Mistreating you requires boundaries, and that's a separate issue because you need to be respected as well. Otherwise if a person feels feels understood, and they are because you seek to understand them, and it isn't really that hard. You just have to put a little time into it to understanding a person, they're gonna want to please you. I know it sounds like manipulative, but if it isn't sincere, they'll know. If it isn't sincere, if you actually care about a person, they'll want to comply if they feel understood.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

And I'm wondering how this is different from the third one, which is charm. The third one is charm. How is this different from charm?

SPEAKER_04 33:02

Well, charm is being more engaging. It kind of bleeds over into it. It it's part of it. Understanding men is part of it. Women who understand men tend to be charming, but they're separate subjects. Whenever you're around a charming person, how does it feel?

SPEAKER_03 33:17

Well, I think the word charming has kind of cobwebs on it because we don't really use it anymore. We we say, I don't know what the other words are we say, but we say cool or we say, I love being around this person, they're fun, or I love being around this person, they're funny. Um, I don't think we say, oh, what a charming person. Like we don't really say that.

SPEAKER_04 33:40

I know we don't. Sounds old-fashioned, but there's another word to take its place. I know I have known a couple of very charming people in my life, and they're like a magnet. You want to be around them because they show interest in you, genuine interest in you. And everybody wants to feel validated. A charming person shows interest in you. They make you feel like you're the only person in the room. You've heard of people like that.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

But what about people that are shy? Because I think that's that the when I think of charming and I think about magnetic, I maybe this is just me, but I immediately think of oh, those outgoing, popular people that have these personality traits that maybe not everybody really has.

SPEAKER_04 34:26

Well, yeah, you wouldn't may not be charming in a room full of people, but you'd be charming to the people in your in your personal circle. Because anyone, even if they're shy, can show interest in another where they want to understand, or they want to know them and to genuinely show interest in them. You know, have you ever been in a conversation with somebody and they realize that you kind of get them? Or or if if you're in a situation someone gets you, you want to be around them. And whether you're shy or not, it if you're charming, charming on a large scale, you may have a lot of people around you, charm charming on a shy scale, maybe just people in your very immediate circle.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Yeah, I think charming has a lot to do with selflessness and genuinely wanting to know more about other people, like genuinely, and do that being shy. Now, I will say shy, the people out there that are on the more shy side might struggle with that ability to shift focus from themselves because of some of their negative self-talk or their self-esteem or their self-confidence, and that can be tough. I I really I really sympathize with the shyer people. I grew up really shy. I've had to work on it, and it's been hard. I have to shift the that feeling of it's kind of selfish, actually. I hate to say it, but it's kind of a selfish mindset that you're in. And it's it can take a lot of time to develop this in yourself. And that's why this, that's why this podcast, that's why we say tapping into your feminine power, because that's tapping into it might mean that you have to face challenges that you've had, very deep challenges that you've had in your life and developing those skills.

SPEAKER_04 36:10

Well, once you once you kind of start practicing it, there's kind of a secret to it because you feel with a shy person, like you and I are both shy, there's a freedom of I'm gonna put all the focus on the other person, and I'm just asking them questions and getting to know them, and I feel you feel less vulnerable when you're talking about someone else. So it can actually be like a shield to you once you learn to understand that you you want to understand other people, then the focus isn't on yourself. Exactly. Shy people don't like the focus on themselves.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Right. And I think being charming isn't just about um just your personality. And I think some people go the other way, the other extreme, and they think, oh, well, charming has to do with being attractive. The same thing we were talking about in the beginning, where we were talking about feminine power being related and associated with being attractive, which it's funny because I looked that up too on the internet. I said, Oh, I want to see who who can I Google for a charming person. I I Googled, show me famous people that are charming. And it showed me both male and female. I did two separate searches. It showed me only attractive people. Like Amber Heard was one of the people that popped up as a charming woman who I don't personally really view her as charming. I view her as beautiful and not as much charming. And and I think you can be both. I'm not saying that you you can't you have to be one or the other, but it for men, it it showed a little bit more diversity with men. It showed older, famous people that I don't necessarily see as attractive, and it also showed kind of more attractive men. But it didn't really show anybody with just a really great, like who I would just consider, oh, that person I they're known for having such a great personality.

SPEAKER_04 37:57

And I think that's where this gets kind of muddied because it's a little hard to explain, but you know, like it uh the the essence of charm is the way a person that a charming person makes others feel valuable, and you don't have to be attractive to make someone feel valuable. Yeah, you just that's when you can really understand it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 38:19

I think of someone that's really warm and in their presence, I feel safe and I feel warm, and I want to be around them, and it doesn't matter what they look like. Now, of course, you're not gonna be very charming if you walk in the room and you're disheveled and you're smelly, and you know, those things, I guess, smelling, yeah. So, yeah, those those things will probably matter um to an extent. But I think the key here is that you're not only focused on outwards and only on inwards. You have a nice balance of the two, and it's not perfection, but the ultimate goal is we're I mean, we're talking about feminine power. How does being charming give you feminine power?

SPEAKER_04 39:01

It gives you power, although you can't do it for the power because people want to be around you, they want to listen to you.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

Well, and I personally for this one, just for me, this one really is very powerful when you think about that phrase, that cliche phrase. It's all about who you know. Yeah, I think sometimes people take that into the manipulation route and they say, Oh, I want to make as many friends as possible so that I can get all these things and I can have all this power and I want to do everything I want. But like you said, those things don't usually last very long. And if they people will people will be on to you if that's the way that you go about life.

SPEAKER_04 39:39

Because you can't you can't keep it up. Like it's often said that um if you're telling the truth, you don't ever have to worry because it's always the same thing. If you're gonna lie, you have to have this incredible memory to keep things sorted. Uh, if you're not gonna be the real thing and you're gonna lie. So when you really do care about people and you really are loyal to people, you don't have to fake it and then it can it'll last. If you're faking it, just like lying, people you can't keep it up long enough.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

Well, and I think women that I know at least that are good at this, I admire them so much because they have so many they have so much support around them. Do you know anybody like this that I mean I'm I'm not like this, I have a smaller group because I'm shyer, but I know women that are so great at relationships and they're so charming and they're so good at making friends that as a result they have support for their family when they need it. They have when they're sick, they have support when they they have need a kid watch, they need a dog watch, they need they need to go on vacation and they need a house that are they have so much support in their life, and therefore to me, that makes them powerful. And I know men can do this too, but I think women have an approach about it that's a little different from men that I really admire.

SPEAKER_04 41:03

Women and men that are really charming will tend to know somebody that they can call if they're if in an emergency, if their plumbing goes out, and and they're and they're not known for constantly using it, but there's always someone in their life that they know that that would jump at the chance to do something for them because they like being around them, just like being in their presence.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

But the difference is in the intent. If you're doing all these things to become powerful, you let's say you want to be mayor of your town, and therefore to do that, you're making friends with everyone, and you have two faces essentially. You're telling everyone what they want to hear because you want to be elected. And I know that's not everyone, obviously, we don't all want to become mayor, but it's just an example. Absolutely not. It's just an example of well, if you if you're trying to reach a goal and therefore you see relationships as your ticket, that is not that's going into the feminine power for the negative, I think a little bit. You're veering into that lane of, well, I'm doing this to get whatever I want. But if you truly have feminine power and you're saying, hey, I want to have more relationships because I genuinely want more friends, I want more support in my life. That's a positive way to use your feminine power because there's nothing wrong with wanting those things.

SPEAKER_04 42:17

Well, if you're using it for manipulation, your mask will slip because you can't. It's an act, you have to keep the act up all the time. If it's sincere, just like if you're going to be an honest person, you don't have to worry about keeping your story straight. It's always the same. Right, exactly. And you won't be so exhausted.

SPEAKER_03 42:35

Yeah, who did I tell? What did I tell this person? Yeah. What is that person wanting? I can't remember who they voted for. I need to act uh like I'm affiliated with them today. I can't remember what it is. I can't remember. Oh, heck with it. And the last one is influence. Now I know we've talked about that. That's kind of been the theme or the foundation, I guess you could say, of this entire conversation, but we wanted to make it the fourth one and separate one because it is just that important. And we wanted to share an analogy to truly separate this topic of influence to help everyone understand how important influence is as the foundation of feminine power. And the the the analogy we like to use is this famous Aesop's fable called, I think it's called Sun, the Sun versus The Sun and the Wind. The Sun and the Wind. Yeah. Do you want to kind of explain?

SPEAKER_04 43:30

Yeah, for those of you who don't are not familiar with that fable, it's the the idea, and it preach it teaches a valuable point. The sun and the wind were having a discussion. They saw a traveler traveling along the road, and they decided to have a like a wager. Like a wager. Who could get the traveler to uh take off his coat? He was wearing a coat. And so they had this this wager, and the sun said, I'll bet I could take get him to take it off. And the wind said, I'll bet I can get it, get him to take it off. So The wind started first, and he blew and blew and blew, and the traveler just wrapped his coat around him, held his coat around him even tighter. He was trying to blow the coat off of him. And then finally he just gave up and it was the sun's turn. The sun had its rays come out and just gently warmed the man. And as he was walking along, he gradually got warm enough, he took his coat off and carried it. The sun didn't try to force it off him. He just he just had a bright, sunny day. And pretty soon the traveler wanted to take his coat off. He didn't force him to, he wanted to. Your influence is so is so powerful because you care.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

So what does this look like every day when it comes to let's say our men? Because in Fascinating Womanhood, we talk a lot about marriage and relationships. What does this look like if you want to influence him? And women are listening to this and they're going, Oh yeah, you know, I want to I want to be better about influencing him. What does this look like every day?

SPEAKER_04 45:02

And our men are all kind of different. They're not all the same. But if I uh for me, when when uh I know Bob so well, when he comes home, I know that pretty well most of the time he needs some uh decompression time. I can look, I can I know him so well. I see the look on his face, I can tell if he's tired. And so I say, would you like, would you like a snack? Would you like to lay down for a bit? And when I give him that, and he doesn't have to say, hey, I'm tired, can I need to lay down? He's more relaxed quicker, he feels closer to me, and he he bounces back quicker. Then we go through that little thing of, oh, hey, I was hoping as soon as you got home we could go run these errands. Now, some men may get home, and you know your man when he gets home, he plans to do A, B, or C. And so because you know that you can account for it instead of instead of kind of pushing back on it. Well, I don't want him to go in the garage and tinker with his his tools and stuff. I want him to do this. Encourage it. Like my my mother-in-law used to say that if she complimented Bob's father, he'd get a big head. The opposite is true. If she had understood him and validated him when he wasn't even asking for it, he would have relaxed. It's it's good psychology. Understanding your man is like, how can I get him to do this? It's more like understand him first.

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Well, and that's why one of the other ones is about understanding. I think that that that's why I think it was the second one we talked about, was understanding men. That's why it's in there. It's like these all kind of go with each other.

SPEAKER_04 46:40

Okay, let's say you you you say your husband eats unhealthy. My mother-in-law was uh incredible at making everything look like it was delicious because she loved so much food. And so she the way she ate it, this is so amazing. You really ought to try this. These carrots are just to die for. She truly loved those things, so she made everything seem like it was delicious, not like you should eat your vegetables, it's more like you wanted to because she they had to be delicious because she enjoyed them so much. That's more influence than lecturing.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

That doesn't really work. What do the women do though? Because we hear this all the time. I just heard this like yesterday. I was answering a woman. She says, Well, what about my husband when he I need his help, or I need him to work more on the relationship, I need him to talk more on the relationship. What are some things that women can say that will help them to kind of communicate effectively with their guys, but not but still be influential?

SPEAKER_04 47:48

You know, uh I I kind of push back on that working on the relationship. It sounds so tedious, but the the the fact is working, quote unquote, on the relationship is something that an individual can do. You can't get another person to to really do what you want willingly. You can sometimes guilt people into things, but one of the beautiful things about fascinating womanhood is that we give you a a whole tool chest of things that you can do that you don't have to depend on him doing anything. It's about understanding men, increasing your femininity. And in the end, you know, if you when you understand these things and apply them, you'll say, I didn't I didn't have to say anything about it. And he just was he was just more attentive. He just he he he was more the kind of guy that I thought he should be anyway. You know, it may sound counterintuitive, but it isn't, is focus on what you love about him first. Why did you marry him? What are his strengths? And we t sometimes tend to focus on uh we get so that we're taking those good parts for granted, and we focus on the flaws, what he's lacking, what he's missing. And uh, when you were engaged, did you have to work on the relationship? And if if not, why not? Why suddenly now? Because a lot of times the things that happen in marriages that start pulling you apart is begins with taking them for granted or taking each other for granted. And you can't make another person not take you for granted, you can do it yourself. And it's amazing the influence that has when you actually do it. And as far as like like the example of you want your husband to eat more healthy, work on recipes that taste good. People like stuff that tastes good, and then love it yourself. And don't tell him to eat it, just love it yourself. More for me.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

Well, this one also reminds me of that famous saying, and I think it's so so true about how people will always remember how they felt around you, but not necessarily every single literal word that you said to them. Right. I was asking my daughter the other day what she who her favorite teacher was so far that she's had. And she had a really hard time describing when she told me why that teacher was her favorite, other than that the way she felt. And I think that's so true with all people. We we don't really remember everything that we that they said to us, but we always remember how we felt that day and how the day went and how people treated you. And I think that's what this one is so much about is focusing on how you're treating treating him, treating others versus focusing, zeroing in on all these little tiny details.

SPEAKER_04 50:38

And it begins with how we are ourselves and the atmosphere. We haven't talked about this in this session, but the atmosphere we create in our homes. When a family member or a friend or anyone walks in your home, well, they feel warmth in your home. And I don't mean it's middle of August. It will they feel that warmth that there's a very inviting feeling in the home. And that's something that women have such great power to influence that.

SPEAKER_03 51:10

Right. If there were two more that we would talk about, it would probably be your feminine appearance, which I think we've kind of touched on, but we just didn't want that to be the main point. But I think if there was a fifth and a sixth point in here, it would be feminine appearance, and it would the sixth the sixth one would be your home and how you atmosphere. We talk about atmosphere and we talk about feminine appearance all the time. And I think there's so much information out there on the internet about this, and of course it's in your book. But I think I I really am glad that we focused on these four today because they're so lengthy in discussion, and I think that they deserve their own kind of spots to just be highlighted because they are the ones that get the most misunderstood, the most tossed aside. I think a lot of people think, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I need to be, I need to be working on my capacity to love. I need to give more. And oh yeah, I need to be understanding of men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they don't really dive into it and really practice it.

SPEAKER_04 52:12

We get so caught up in our own what we need and what we want that sometimes it's hard to, even with our children and realize with your your kids, there are many adults inside there. They're gonna grow up one day, and how will they look back on their relationship with you? They're gonna be adults in their own right and do their own thing. You're gonna have such an impact on them, and it'll it'll bear fruit later, years later. Where you where you have a good relationship with them. Now, they're the other half of it. If you have a child who gets some kids get really rebellious and get influenced by who knows what other things, and sometimes you can do your best and you still kind of lose one of your kids because of choices they make. But it won't be because of of you or me and how we treated them.

SPEAKER_03 53:05

Well, and that's the thing is that your feminine influence is not always going to be successful. And I'm really glad that you brought that up because I actually saw a comment about grandma the other day. Because for those of you listening, if you don't know, grandma is who started Fascinating Womanhood. And she wrote the first book that came out, and I saw criticism of her online the other day that I hadn't seen before. And I found it so fascinating. This comment, someone said, Why would I listen to her when she has children who are divorced? And she's talking about marriage and how to improve marriage. And I thought that was so interesting because it just proves that point that we're talking about. Just because let's go back to Aesop's fable. If the sun comes out and you're gonna get the guy to take his jacket off, he still has the free will to not take it off. Yeah. And everyone has that free will to marry someone who probably was not right for them to begin with. And and you can teach someone until they memorize all this stuff, they practice it. But if they choose otherwise, that's not your feminine power failing.

SPEAKER_04 54:14

Well, not to mention, if you had that power, would you, and I don't mean this uh as an accusation, would any of us choose the right partner for our kids? We may choose poorly too, because how do you know what the perfect companion for each of your kids was is gonna look like?

SPEAKER_03 54:33

Well, it's just it's not a reflection necessarily of you. Now, if you had literally every single one of your kids divorced and divorced multiple times, I'd say maybe you have a point. But even then, you can't force people to do things and you don't want to manipulate them into the outcome. And I think grandma having a child that divorced does not mean that she failed within her feminine power as a woman or as a mother.

SPEAKER_04 54:59

No, she wouldn't. In fact, the one child of hers that I'm thinking two of them have divorced out of eight. That's not bad. But uh the one, the older one, she tried to get him to not marry that person and it didn't work.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Well, and and that's even just besides the point. I mean, he we all have our own free will, and it's not fair to say that. And I I just I've I'm really surprised that that I mean, I'm not surprised, but I am surprised that people will continue to think that. And I guess I'm just saying in closing, as we're wrapping this up, that your feminine power is not about please just don't think about it as the way you look. And like, like we said in the beginning, the heels and the red lipstick. Please don't think about that. About the impact and your intent on others and the impact you want to have. And like mom said, you said this earlier, your legacy and the influence you want to have versus controlling the outcome. And just because you are doing all these things doesn't mean that you will always get the outcome that you want.

SPEAKER_04 56:00

People naturally no, you you're not, you don't become all powerful, and that's not a good character trait to have anyway. What feminine power does, it invites people and doesn't push people. Exactly. It's a totally different attitude.

SPEAKER_03 56:14

All right. Well, thank you so much for this very, very valuable and in-depth conversation. I hope everyone enjoyed it and found it helpful. And if you did, feel free to share it with a friend or someone that you think will enjoy learning about this message as well. If you visit our website, www.fascinatingwomanhood.com, you can find all of our books. You can find links to more of our podcasts, our articles, our master classes that we sell, our online coaching that we have available. We have so many resources for you on our website. Be sure to check that out. And we are here every week if you have topics that you'd like us to cover. I know we've had a few requests already on YouTube this week for topics. We love to hear from you. You can either send us fan mail or you can comment on any of our videos, and we will consider those for future episodes. All right, and thank you so much for listening, and we will see you next time. Stay feminine. Bye. Bye.