Self-Discipline: Where Elegance Meets Inner Strength

In this episode of the Ladylike Behavior Series, we explore the quiet power of self-discipline and how true femininity is strengthened through restraint, wisdom, and emotional maturity. We reveal our personal Ladylike icons and how we use their example to not only be more disciplined, but how to react in moments of struggle and weakness. 

Because being ladylike is not about perfection, it’s about learning how to govern your emotions, carry yourself with grace under pressure, and choose long-term positive habits over temporary impulses. Self-discipline shapes the way we speak, react, love, and lead ourselves in everyday life.

In this episode, we discuss:
 • Emotional Intelligence
 • Work Ethic
 • Being On Time
 • Building confidence through consistency
 • The crucial habits to develop and connect between femininity, elegance, and inner strength

Tune in and discover how self-discipline can transform not only your habits, but your femininity, relationships, and overall character.

Visit: www.fascinatingwomanhood.com to learn more about Fascinating Womanhood, find our books, attend classes and connect with us.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to the official Fascinating Womanhood podcast where we explore timeless principles for developing true femininity, inspiring authentic masculinity, and building strong, loving, and lasting relationships. I'm Cherry Lynn and I'm here with my mom, Dixie and Alyn Forsythe. Together we'll dive into the heart of what makes relationships thrive, offering practical wisdom and heartfelt conversations to help you live a more fulfilled and fascinating life.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Okay, so today we are talking about self-discipline. This is episode two of our ladylike behavior series. Self-discipline is similar to self-restraint, which is the first episode that we did.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Discipline has more to do with how you live every day and the choices you make long term.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Self-restraint is more about those in the moment urges, and we covered that last week, which I think was really important. But I do think it's important to kind of highlight these differences because when we're talking about self-discipline, it's really not that many points that we're going to cover today. I know we have three main essentials that we're going to go through, but the three main essentials that we're talking about are really important and they're lifelong pursuits, really.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yeah, really, because uh we don't want anyone to feel guilty about this because none of us does all these things perfectly.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

Yeah, there are three big things in life that you that we want to kind of dig into. Before we dig into those three things, we want to talk about what ladylike behavior means. What does that mean to you? Because each one of the episodes that we're doing about ladylike behavior, we're we're talking about it from a different angle because there's so many pieces that go to what we consider ladylike behavior. I think the most obvious one that most people think of is just how people present, how they look, how they act, how they move. That's the most obvious.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Well, you have to know somebody fairly well to know some of the other ones. Like, like, for example, um a film star, you may know how they appear on film, but you don't know how they are in their house. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Right. We want to dig deeper than just on the surface, although some of these topics are on the surface. But when it comes to self-discipline, what's interesting to me personally about this topic, and when we we have discussions about it, is that the way that when you dig into these things that are uh under the surface, they actually affect how you're how you are on the surface. So it's kind of it's almost like you you really need to understand these inner things before you work on these outer things.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And the inner things are the things that are the lifelong pursuit. Exactly. You know, like there's some things you can conquer fairly easily, like say, I'm gonna make my bed every day. That it once you kind of get in the habit, it's it's not something you just do almost without thinking. But there's other things that take a little bit more persistence.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

So before we jump into the three essential parts of ladylike behavior as it relates to self-discipline, we wanted to pose a question to everyone out there listening, and we're gonna share our answers as well. Who is your ladylike icon in your life? Meaning someone that you think exemplifies ladylike behavior, not perfectly, but in an ideal world, who do you picture? Who jumps into your head when you're thinking of the ultimate kind of graceful ladylike woman?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

I there's there's film stars that kind of do that, but recognizing that we, like I said before, we don't know them in their private lives, but I could think of two people that I I know really well. One of them is my mother. We haven't gotten into it yet, but the some of the different areas of uh self-discipline, uh she was particularly stellar at. Other areas not quite as much, but there's somebody else I know, a friend, who was stellar in those areas. So my mother was, you know, when I think of her unladylike, I can't really picture her unladylike. I mean, I saw her sick, I saw her recovering from surgery, I saw a lot of things, but it wasn't really unladylike. It's not unladylike to be sick. It's it's not you may not look your best or feel your best, but it isn't, it isn't unladylike to be ill. It's just not. Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:38

Well, we wanted to to do this kind of this moment where we pause and think about someone that you can think of ladylike because it it will help you to relate a little bit more. Because I think oftentimes we think of ladylike behavior, we think of these people that exemplify it, and we kind of put them on a pedestal a little bit, whether we realize it or not. And we a lot of us kind of think, well, it's not attainable, or I'm not relating to that. Like I know for me personally, when I think of ladylike behavior, I immediately think of Kate Middleton. I've always admired her. She's just a little bit older than I am. We're close enough in age, and I've watched her for such a long time in the tabloids and news to where I kind of feel like I know her, but you know, you all know that person in the spotlight, but you kind of feel like you know, but you don't know. But then what we wanted to do is say, okay, like you let's say you take your mom as your kind of icon that you're thinking of in your head. I'm taking Kate Middleton, and you think of them for a moment being not necessarily unladylike. I guess it could be, but maybe, maybe um think of them being more human for a minute. Yeah. Because we all are human. I think it's important for us to relate to that.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Well, uh, we don't see Kate Middleton uh when she's really frustrated with something one of her kids did or embarrassed her or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Well, we don't see it the public the private version, we do see some of the public versions, which I think she just looks like she's holding back so much when she's disciplining her kids. But what I was trying to picture in my head when I was thinking about her being quote unquote unladylike, I'm always watching that she's wearing heels, like almost all the time. She's wearing heels, she's traveling wearing heels, she's standing in these heels for long periods of time. And one of the reasons why I think of that is because I used to wear heels at my job for so many years. And so I relate to that feeling of being in heels all the time, trying to be ladylike, trying to, you know, be poised and trying to look well and present. And I think she's always doing that. And I always picture in my mind what does she do when she comes home? Does she what if she had a day where she just kicked him off and plopped into a chair and her feet are blistering or something? Does she wear house slippers, for example? Yeah. But I think it's important to to us for us to relate to that ladylike moment of kind of letting go a little bit. Um for you, for your mom, I'm sure you saw her letting go. You said, and that's why you say, well, she wasn't perfect, all these things, because you saw it.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Yeah, I knew. I mean, we haven't gotten into it quite yet. The essential for being self-disciplined. We we've listed a few things here. And uh when we do, I can kind of Yeah, you can kind of get into it. Yeah, a little bit more. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

For me, I like to think of like how can I emulate a little bit more of that ladylike behavior? Obviously, I'm never going to be a queen or princess like she is.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Thank goodness, because can you imagine the protocol? I've I've seen uh some YouTube videos on the rules that she has to go by when she's uh having one of these official dinners. And I think you wouldn't even be hungry. You just want to get it over with.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Oh, yeah, yeah. But I just there's something about her that is positive for me. It's a positive thing that I like to look at. Like, oh wow, like she's just handles that so well. So thinking about her being not as perfect and how she would handle that is more motivating to me. And hopefully it is for for those who are listening. You think about the person that you kind of put on that pedestal and then thinking about, well, they really are real and they really do have moments and weakness, and they really do have moments of uh where they where they loot they lose themselves or they let go, and it's okay to do those things, it's just about how you recover.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Well, and keep in mind that Kate Middleton had a health scare not all that long ago. Now, we didn't see a lot of her during that time, but he has three kids. You do you never see her losing it in ever. And and sometimes her kids were which one is it, Louie, that can give that got a little bit badly behaved.

SPEAKER_03 8:54

Well, and that's what what makes me laugh even more about this comparison is that I have a son named Louis. And um, I actually had my son first before she my son's older. And he my my son is a handful. So I always kind of like I giggle a little bit when I'm seeing her with her with with all of our kids, but um I just I just there's a lot of parts of her that I kind of put on a pedestal in a sense, but I also kind of relate to in a way.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Well, I I noticed that um going back to um Princess Diana, her son Harry, he was a handful. Do you remember him sticking his tongue out at photographers? No, I didn't see what he was not, and he was like two. He was, and she you can't do anything about that. She handled it very gracefully. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Yeah. So I for me, thinking about her kicking off her heels and then like how she recovers from that, maybe that place in her mind, it's not about the heels coming off, it's about the the humanness, it's about that place you go to in your mind. It's not about the and I think that's what's so misunderstood about ladylike behavior. And it's we kind of touched on it a little bit ago is that that mindset. And and it's I guess it's a good thing in a way to let go, and it's a good thing to, you know, after a long day, to kick your heels off in a sense and and plop into a chair. That it's not a bad thing, it's a human thing. But then the self-discipline twist that comes into that is that the next day she puts them back on and she comes back to work, and I think that's the part of this whole exercise. And whoever it is that you're thinking of in your mind as that kind of pillar of ladylike behavior, she more than likely has some sort of recovery from those moments and she gets back to it. Exactly. So for the three essentials to learning how to be more self-disciplined, we're gonna jump into those. The first one is being on time.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Now, some people are gonna go, oh, because they I mean, we all know people who if you invite them over, you know they're always late. They just always are. Yeah, I'll be there at one, and then you don't really plan on if you're surprised if they're there at one, because they're just habitually late.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Well, there's people that are habitually late, and then there's people that are not reliable, and I think that's the part of this one that can get misunderstood is yeah, we can talk about being punctual, and yes, it's important to be punctual, I agree. But I think there's a deeper part of being punctual that is the most important, and that is how reliable you are. You all we all know those people that are flaky, right? That they don't want to say it, but you can't count on them. Maybe you invite them to something, and you're thinking there's a 50-50 chance that they'll show up, even if they say yes, or that they'll call out. And I'm not saying that things don't happen. Of course, things happen. This isn't about being perfect, this is about that aware, self-awareness that you have with yourself and how you recover, like we said earlier, the recovering from the heels. How do you recover from from things happening in your life that make?

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Okay, I we've all known people too. I know I have who if you invite them over, they always come on time or they call, or sometimes they'll text and say, I'm on my way, right? Or if they're caught in traffic, they'll text you. I should be there. And I'm I'm very sorry, I'm gonna be about five or six minutes late. You don't worry about that kind of thing. And how does that make you feel? Uh valued. Exactly. Valued. And and you want people who know you to think you value them. I knew one couple that we just they're just so wonderful. We just loved them, but sometimes they were like an hour late for dinner and they didn't call or anything. And so we just we still loved them, but we thought, oh, should we invite them? Because they're almost always late and sometimes really late. And sometimes they didn't show up. So we just sometimes didn't invite them as much because the reliability issue was a problem.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Well, I think there's an issue in our culture and our society with being late being kind of cute. I don't know if there's a better word you can think of for that, but almost like you've seen those things where it's like fashionably late. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the late one is the best one to the party. I don't know. I there's a bunch of sayings about being late and how it can be kind of cool and cute. And I I don't know, I I guess there's a humorous side to some of that, depending on the person, but I think in the grown-up world and the real world, and when you're working and when you're maintaining friendships and relationships, you generally need to aim to be on time and be reliable. That's the word here. And I think we did a motto, we did a motto for each one of these essentials. And the motto for being on time is reliability is more attractive than excuses.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

That's true. And you can still be reliable if there's a legitimate reason. I mean, if you contact them and say, 'I'm I didn't forget, I'm sorry, I I'm held up because of this or that. Then people don't really most people are pretty forgiving about those things.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Well, but we're not we're not foolish either. We can recognize a pattern when we see one. Someone is really not putting in the effort, and it's the same thing over and over and over again. That's when relationships start to become damaged, and there's little tear. It's almost like a little piece of paper that's starting to tear a little bit because every time you're late, whether you've got a good excuse or not, if you have a habit of doing it over and over again, you're sending people a message that you don't respect their time, respect or value them.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Yeah. And you know, my experience with that is a lot of times those don't result in like big confrontations. It just sort of gradually fades out. You just stop getting the exactly. You give up. You give up, and so but you don't you stop spending as much time with that person. You don't confront them and say, Why are you late? It's not worth it. You just you just kind of don't engage as much.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

Well, and I have this theory of on my own. You can tell me what you think of it, but I have this theory on my own that I've kind of been thinking about for a while that this whole fashionably late kind of cute, it's cute to be late thing that's going around that's been going around for quite some time now. I think it's laziness. I think at the root, and I know that there are people struggling with being late because they have ADHD or they have ADD or they're bipolar. There's all these people that are saying this now, it's really popular. To, and those are very valid excuses at times. But I think that you have to challenge your weaknesses.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Yeah, I mean, there's there's answers to that. You can set timers, you can have notes for yourself, you can do a lot of things that that overcome it that maybe uh someone who doesn't have those issues could just remember. But uh you can overcome that.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

It'll be easy for some of those people. I'm not saying it's easy, and I I as someone with a I'm the parent of a child with ADHD. I can tell you, I get it. It is hard for them to be on time, but you can be on time, it is possible. You just have to learn habits and you have to practice them. And I think in our culture, we are for some reason, it feels like to me anyway, we are striving in this direction of it's kind of cute and cool to be late, because we don't really want to challenge the the reality that it might be a little bit difficult to be on time sometimes, and that's and that's okay to well my question is do people who are habitually late or don't show up, do they do that when it comes to catching a plane that's gonna leave if they're not there?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Or do they make sure they get there? I don't know because I don't have that issue.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

They show up, but they look horrible or they're like disheveled or something.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

They just left. Oh no. Yeah, I mean, I it seems like if you did did that once, you'd think, no, I'm not gonna be late because you miss your flight, and it's there's a real consequence to that if you miss it.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Exactly. Well, if you can do it for the flight, then you can do it for other things. The the question is, are you aware that you're doing it and that the problem is something that you can fix versus oh well, well, I'm just disorganized, it's just who I am.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Just how I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

It's just how I am. We hear that all the time. And I and I sympathize, I really, really do, because it can be more challenging for some than others. But I think recognizing how others feel is important, but I also think it's important to recognize how you feel when you're late. I think that's the other flip side of this whole thing. We've we've mostly talked about being on time and as in regards to how other people view you, but now let's flip it. How do you feel when you're late for things? And what is that?

SPEAKER_01 18:10

You're stressed, stressed. I don't like being late, so I feel anxious. I feel like there's so much traffic if you're trying to get somewhere in the car. You the hurried feeling, I hate it. Like, well, I mention a plane because have you ever hurried to a plane? Oh, it's the worst horrible, and then you get in a traffic jam or something, it's horrible. And you think if I left 20 minutes earlier, I would just wouldn't care if there was a traffic jam. Right.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Well, and I think about all the times that I've been late to work, because I've been late to work many times in my life, because I either overslept or there was traffic, and whatever it is, whatever excuse it is, it's almost always ruined my day or made my day feel like I'm always a step behind. And therefore, I might be short with people, or I might be patient. And I think that's the part of this conversation that I personally think is very, very valuable that so many people miss is that when you're rushing or you're late and everyone is looking at you, or everyone is is giving you that stare down because you were like, maybe you were late and you caused someone else to be late. And then you feel bad and you kind of feel like, oh man, I owe them a favor. I was late. Like, of course, we're all gonna be late from time to time. I think it's just about being aware of why we want to strive to not be late and why we want to be real life.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Well, have you ever gone to because I know it's happened to me. Have you ever gone been invited to dinner at someone's house? There were several couples, and you're the last one there. It's just awful. And and it's and you're late. It's and they've weighed dinner for you. It's just awful.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

I have not really been. We I feel like we don't really do like dinner parties these days. We meet places for dinner, but yes, it's the same thing. If we meet, like for me in my life, we meet couples for dinner, and I like to be the first one there because I don't like that feeling that I'm rushing. I just I feel like I'm not gonna be a good conversationalist when I'm feeling like that. Some people aren't like me and they may be fine with it, but then that's where I would just say, think about them and how they feel. But the other part of this, and I think this is the last part I wanted to talk with you about, is the idea in society that it's okay to be late. And I know we touched on the fashionably late kind of being cute, but there's also this kind of strange reality, especially in big cities like where I live, being late's just kind of normal. And and it might even be something where it's acceptable in your job. Like I know I had a job where being 15 minutes late was normal because of traffic, because I live in a big city and there's a lot of traffic.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

But flip it around and what if somebody at like this big company, if they were known for always being on time, wouldn't that be an admirable thing? I would think it would be.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Well, some people in that office, there were people that were on time, and there was a bit of an eye roll thing going on, but those people still, I think, did a good job in other areas, and they they they were people that were respected. And I think that's the part of what we maybe miss is that those people mentally are in a much better place. Whether it has to do with you or not, maybe you you think that they're like always striving for the top and they're overachievers, and you maybe you look down on them for that. But at the end of the day, if they're doing what's best for them and that's how they work, and that's how they have good rapport with their boss, and that's how they can get their job done well, then maybe don't look down on them so much because I don't think that everybody's gotta do what they've got to do.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

And at the it like you said, at the end of the day, though, being known to be reliable is always Good thing.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

Well, and I personally am someone that is always early. I strive to be early because I'm afraid of being late. Yeah. I always tell my daughter and my son when we're going to like gymnastics and soccer, I'm like, we got to leave early. And they'll be like, but it only takes this long to get there. And I say, but what if we have traffic? Or what if we have this? Or what I what if I have a hard time finding a parking spot? I want to be on time. And I think it's it's not just about the way it looks. It's about I want to get there and walk in those doors and feel like I can control my heartbeat and in my anxiety. And I don't feel stressed.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Well, the reality is there's you've learned, like we've a lot of us have learned that there's so many things that could interrupt your good intentions that you want to make sure you allow for any number of possibilities. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

Okay, let's move on to the second one. This one is work ethic.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

That is the one that my mother was an absolute ninja at. When I read that, I I looked at that and thought, that's that's Helen Beandolyn.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

Well, explain what this means. What is work ethic? Because I think a lot of people when they think of work ethic, they think of a lot of different things.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

When she wrote Fascinat Womanhood for the first time, she had eight children, none of whom were grown. And get they just let that sink in for a minute. My oldest brother was nearing 18, where he would be going off to college, but he wasn't there yet. He was still there, and the youngest one was a baby. Okay, so she when she was writing it, that was the situation. And she what she did is she didn't want to interrupt our family life with what she was doing. So she got up at 4 a.m. She disciplined herself, went to bed early, got up at 4, and wrote so that she could, you know, resume the rest of her day, and we didn't even notice. She when she decided that she was going to write this book, she absolutely did it. She didn't just, oh, well, I'm too busy. She made it happen. And when she had an exercise routine, she absolutely did it. Or dieting, she was, she would, I've never seen anything like it. You just you just could not move her. She when she made a decision she was going to do it, she did it. And she did teach us all pretty, I don't think any of her kids has had a lousy work ethic. Some better than others, but all of us grew up with, you know, if we committed to something, we did it. Her self-discipline was just um, I always I still admire it because it was greater than mine.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

Yeah, nobody told her to do those things. No one paid her to write fast name. She didn't have a boss. I think that's that's really special and rare in this world is when you don't have someone telling you necessarily what they need from you, and you're doing it anyway, and you stay consistent with it and you do it because it needs to be done, whether you feel like it or not.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

There's no guarantee. She didn't do it for money, she didn't she didn't have a guarantee she'd sell one single book. But during that time when when she was writing it, she also hand squeezed orange juice. My dad had an orange orchard nearby. So she hand squeezed orange juice for breakfast. She had one of those hand ones. I think you have one. And she squeezed that orange juice because she was into health quite a bit, and she made her oatmeal, made all of her bread, she sold a lot of clothes, she did all those things too. She didn't use the excuse of writing a book to fall down on any of those other things. And I I look back on it because I was a kid and I took it for granted. I look back on it and I think, how in the world did she do that? It was amazing.

SPEAKER_03 25:45

This is a personality-based kind of thing. Your personality is going to have a completely different way of approaching work ethic. And we all have our ideals. Yours is that kind of perfect ideal that's that's very rare.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

I hesitate to say, but I'm, you know, we like to be transparent here and not act like we're some perfect people or anything like that. But I remember not long after my mother died, and I was interviewed by this one lady that uh was writing this book about her. And I told her on the phone, without even hardly thinking about it, I said I was gonna write another book. Not so much a sequel, but another follow-up book. And after I said, I thought, oh no, now I have to do it. Because I had some idea of what the commitment, because I saw it in her. And after I hung up, I told Bob, I have to do this now, because I said I would. Yeah. I have to. And and that actually helped me to do it because I didn't know how to do it. Just like her, I had no idea how to do it. So I I thought, okay, maybe it was good that I said that because it was very hard for me, and uh did it anyway, because she did teach me that if you say you're gonna do it, you better do it.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

Yeah, exactly. Well, I think everyone that is good at this almost has a mini kind of manager in their head. Yeah. Like you just said, now I have to do it. Now I have to because I said it, I have to do it. You have a little manager in your head that said, This is what I do, this is how I live life, this is my approach to work ethic. And I, if I say I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. And no excuses. There's no, you know, you have that built inside of you that you have worked on and you have developed. And I think we all kind of have to have, we all we all have to develop that mini manager in our head that's in charge, because especially for ladies that are homemakers, I think that is so admirable. Before I stayed home, I worked, and when I started to stay home, I didn't have to answer to any kind of a boss. It was just me. Yeah. And I remember thinking, wow, I could I could just get away with all this stuff in my house.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

I could just I don't do laundry today. No one's gonna get me in trouble.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

I don't have to, exactly. But there was a mini manager in my head that I think I already had developed that was like, no, I have to have these things, and there's some things that I let go of that maybe you wouldn't let go of. We all have our different things, but I think you have to have that set of standards in order to develop that strong work ethic. For example, I have to complete certain things in my home before I jump to fun things, yeah. That's just that's just my personal work ethic.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Me too. I have a list of things to do, and the things I want to do, I put last.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

Exactly. And we didn't want to dive too deeply into how to do some of these things. Maybe that's another podcast. I think what we wanted to do was more describe these things um and the importance of them. We could get all into the nitty-gritty of like how to do the how how to how to manage your house, but we won't do that today because I think we'll be on here for hours.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

But and you gotta along with this, you you gotta remember to be kind to yourself. Like if you if you're having a day where you don't feel where you're on your period, you have on your list to do something, it's okay to put it down the list. It's not like you have to, or no matter what, you know.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Yeah, but I think a lot of the ladies that write into us don't struggle as much with that. I think more of maybe, maybe there's more of the those ladies and like you're talking about, and we just need to hear more from them. But I think what I hear from a lot is ladies that are struggling to find motivation, that they are struggling to get things done. They don't want to get things done, they don't have that mini manager in their head, and they can't get it done.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Well, depression can enter into that, and that's another whole issue. If if people suffer from depression, postpartum depression, or anything like that, that can be part of it that has to be managed. But we're talking about generalities.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

Well, I think a lot of women struggle from not only the depression part, but the um the motivation, just the motivation in general. Like, well, I don't need to get this done because it's not nobody's here to and that's where I think you have to be creative to to find that motivation for like personally, I get very motivated to do things to my home. I invite people over, yeah, yeah. Say, hey, I'm inviting someone over in two weeks, and I have two weeks to do A, B, and C to my home, and that motivates me a ton. Because I want people to want to be in my home. And this is just more about domestic things. We haven't even talked. You touched a little bit on weight, like you said, grandma would diet, and oh, I've never seen anything like it.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

She she was immovable, and she decided she was gonna do something. She um you couldn't shake her off that goal of hers. She uh she would, I don't know how some if some of you feel about fasting, but she she believed in fasting for spiritual reasons, and also she happened to also read it was good for your health. So she fast even more. So sometimes she would fast once a week, and I find that hard. Like all day? Like 24 hours. 24 hours, wow. Yeah, that's very hard. But she had the self-discipline for it, and she absolutely did it. And um she she didn't do it for losing weight, but she had no problem going without food or something she wanted in her body if she was had a goal.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

She uh that's how she was, and I think that's a good that's a good way to say it is a goal. Like if you are not motivated or you're struggling with something, do you have goals? Maybe you need to have some goals and put them in place because I could easily see myself becoming less motivated to do things if I didn't have goals.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

So you do things that need to be done, whether you like it or not, because you've decided this is a good thing. I'm committed to do it, and so you do it.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Yeah, the motto for the work ethic is strength is built in the moments we'd rather avoid.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Otherwise, it wouldn't it wouldn't take discipline if it was something we wanted to do. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

You it's all about that kind of pushing through, yeah. You know, that that weakness that you might have. Really don't feel like everybody has different ones. Yeah. You know, if you don't feel like cleaning the kitchen again because you're so tired of it, it's gonna get dirty again, kind of a thing. I just think that the drudgery is in everything.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

And everything that's true. Everything, even cool, what we consider cool careers have drudgery in them somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 32:46

This isn't just about cleaning and like dieting and you know, accomplishing things. This is also about getting things done that need to get done, like doctor's appointments.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

Um, how many of us put ourselves aside? And I'm sure you probably did this when we were younger, get the kids all squared away, but we're not taking care of ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

We're not oh, dental appointments fall into me, too. Yeah. Because my dad was a dentist, and I have always hated going to the dentist.

SPEAKER_03 33:13

Yeah, but I mean, I'm guilty of this. I've always on top of my kids' appointments and getting all their things done and making sure that they're fed and they're taken care of and they're getting the sleep that they need. But then what about you? And you taking care of you.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

These are like we said in the beginning, lifelong pursuits. So don't be too hard. Are you at the end of this, you're gonna feel like you're completely worthless, and that is not our point.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

Well, no, not at all. And I think that's why when we were going back to the beginning of talking about our lady-like behavior icons, like for me, I said Kate Middleton. I can't imagine her not going to a doctor's appointment because she doesn't feel like it. No, I can't remember that. I just can't maybe it's possible, but I just can't imagine her constantly being late to something and being like, sorry.

unknown 34:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Yeah, she doesn't even have to, she doesn't even have to drive. Well, yeah, I well, I know she's obviously not that relatable in that way, but I guess I'm just like when I think about what the ideal is, and I I'm always kind of striving for, oh, you know, I'd like to be kind of more like that. I can't even imagine her her doing that. So I try to use that as motivation.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Think of all her, and I don't know them all, but all of her responsibilities and things she has to go to and represent and these charities. And she did them through all three of her pregnancies, and I know she had terrible morning sickness, like one of our daughters, and so I have some idea what that's like, and she did it anyway.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

Oh, yeah, yeah. So if it's not just about these tasks and stuff, it's about your again, it goes back to that reliability part, but it's also about the consistency. If you can try to get consistency in anything in life, boy, have you made it. Because it's hard to be consistent in anything, really. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

That you dislike doing all of it.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

Yeah, that pushes you, that pushes you that pushes you.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Yeah, anything that does is gonna have times you just don't feel like it. Okay, the last one is your moral code. What does that mean? That's your honor and your integrity. It's things like honesty and beliefs that you stick with. Honesty is and honor are really important because if people know you as someone that you can trust, that's that's really important as to your character and people wanting to be around you. As a mother, your own personal moral code is gonna is gonna rub off on some of your kids, whether it's good or bad. Why do you think people let their moral code slide? Why is this a tough one? I think sometimes it's just like kind of the the last one, work ethic, we just don't feel like it, or it's just the pressure is great. And say, well, okay, I'll I'll be dishonest about this because it's easier. And there's a difference between honest and candid. You know, you don't have to be blunt. If you say you're gonna do something and you don't, that's it it kind of bleeds into some of these other things, and you get known for it. Your moral code can be honor. You know, honor is very ladylike. It's also some examples of what this means in your day-to-day life. People who talk about what you can get away with. You can get, well, yeah, no one's gonna notice if you do this, or you know, you can you can probably get away with it. And when I hear people say that, it doesn't impress me. You might get away with it. I think I don't like that. I I I am so much more impressed with a person that says, it's not right, I'm not gonna do it, or it is right, I am gonna do it. It's it's having the courage to stand up for your convictions. Again, being sensitive to not being blunt or hurting people's feelings with it. You don't have to bash people over the head with something you believe or know is right and they don't, or they have a difference of opinion. Uh not being frank isn't always a good idea, but being honorable is is saying, and that's not right. Um I can't do that, or I'm doing it because it is right.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

Well, we all know those kind of chameleons in life, and when I think about who I want to be and what what I strive for, I I don't want to be the person that's heavily influenced by others, and I think that's a that's a problem, especially with our younger generation right now, is that they're heavily, heavily influenced by everyone around them. And they get on social media and they're they're watching the news, and everything influences them and their mind. And it feels like they're not really taught how to think about things, they're taught what to think about things. And I think there's something really wonderful about anyone that can shape their opinions about how they want to live their life and stick with it. And and maybe that means that you change from time to time, maybe you adjust that from time to time, but overall you have a moral code, meaning you have you live by certain things that you believe in wholeheartedly, and you stand for those things, and you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna mess up from time to time, but ultimately you go back to this to this code, and and and it's something that you have to spend your life probably shaping.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

When you either meet it in another person or you see it in film, and someone says, a character says, someone says, Why did you do this? And I said, Because it was right. There's it gives it transmits a feeling to me that I have such admiration. I did it because it was right to do. Whether it was put me in an awkward situation, put me in danger, like movies often do, or or something like that, it it feels really good when you see a character display uh um that kind of moral strength. See, I did it because it was right. And and and sometimes it does take courage to do what's right, because it may be really unpopular. And you may have to say, no, no, I just, I just I'm just not gonna do that, or I am gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 39:19

Yeah, I think there's a bit of a battle of this going on too when I'm thinking about ladylike behavior when it comes to women kind of tearing each other down a little bit. I think there's a lot of women out there that are their moral code is so strong that they kind of forget the point of it to begin with, and they tear others down. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like it's almost like we tear each other apart because we're thinking about moral code so much that we want everyone to live by ours. Like you see it. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

It's trying to it's it's trying to convince somebody to to go over to our side rather than try to live the way.

SPEAKER_03 39:58

Yeah, like there's a bunch of people online right now. There's an there's a story in the news of a little girl that that was killed, and I see lots of social media posts about this story, and in the comments, I always see people bashing the parents for leaving their child outside and attended. And I'm thinking to myself, like, of course, you know, we all want to be good parents, and I mean most of us do at least, and I don't think that everyone is trying to have a bad moral code by letting like if in this example, letting your child play in the driveway. Um, and she was kidnapped in her driveway. And not to get on a tangent about that, but I think that there's this thing in our society where we are losing our moral code by judging everyone else's moral code.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Well, yeah, and the reality is those parents probably blame themselves more than anyone else ever could, and they would have likely given their lives if they could have if they could have stopped it.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

And see, the reason why you just said that is because you have a moral code, and I know this because I know you, and you taught this to me, to look for the good in people as much as you can. And I know that that sounds really cliche to a lot of people, and it sounds probably like Anna. And I don't mean to sound that way, but I we genuinely in our family, you always have taught us like well, well, we should give somebody the benefit of the doubt. And it doesn't mean that it they can make excuses. I'm not saying that either, but I think we have this code in our family, this unwritten one, that you look for the good in people, you give them the benefit of the doubt until, of course, you know, well, and otherwise some of that for me comes from having been a parent myself or being a parent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

I I think maybe I would be harsher on somebody when I was uh didn't have any kids yet and was really young. Right. But now that I've had kids and I think my kids have played in the yard, exactly. How would how would I feel if I was in this situation and it was public? Yeah. It just I mean, I just uh feel so terrible for people who live through it. Uh part of our honor is in in being able to empathize with a position somebody might be in, whether you think they should be doing what they're doing or not. I mean, how might they feel like the parents of this child?

SPEAKER_03 42:28

Oh, yeah. And I think your moral code is oftentimes passed down to you, but sometimes it's not. And you have to push against what was passed down to you because you don't feel it's right. And I think that is also very admirable that you can say, I'm gonna challenge what I've always been taught because I want to hear both sides and I want to choose for myself and what I think is right. And I think you shape those things based on the experiences you've had in your life, the mistakes you've made. Like you said, when I was a parent, you know, I learned these things, and I that affects my moral code. There's some people out there that they don't think that way, they don't allow that to shape their moral code because they just think, well, I was taught to do this and I'm right, and they don't want to swallow their pride and do what's right.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

It would be nice if more of us as a people were more uh empathetic and maybe forgiving of others and and maybe think for a minute, why do why do I think that they might have this opinion? Um or or react this way. Maybe they were themselves hurt or um I hate to use the word damaged, but I'm trying to think of another English word, uh where it affected their their life. And so they they're triggered by something happening that maybe wouldn't trigger you.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Me.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Yeah. It's hard. Well, why can you explain a little bit about why this moral code is so important to?

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Ladylike behavior and how it relates to self-discipline because it's attractive, it's really attractive to have a good moral code. It makes people feel safe emotionally with you. When you have a good moral code, people people aren't always trying to figure you out. They know you're you're steady. You're not like, I wonder what they'll do or think or or anything. You're you become reliable. Everybody likes reliable. We like airlines that are reliable, which is not existent, don't exist in my experience. Yeah, we get we get a plane and we're supposed to leave at 11 o'clock. And if there was a if there was an airline that always did, that would be a miracle. But everybody would want to fly on it because it's reliable. Uh but and so how much more do we want people to be around people who are reliable?

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Well, and I think there's such a double standard. Like what you just said about the airplane was such a good point about the being on time. It's not cute for an airline to be known for being late. It's horrible.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Nobody wants to go on it. No one wants to go on. Don't go on that airline. Or the airplane that like gets canceled because, oh, sorry, we can't take off today. And they don't tell you why, you have no idea. And then you find out, oh, it was this, you think, why didn't you tell us in the first place? So when an airline becomes unreliable too much of the time, people tend to pick another airline.

SPEAKER_03 45:20

If you show up to a job interview and you're and you're flip-flops, like, well, yeah, it's not nice to judge people by its cover, but we do.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

Everybody does. They say don't judge a book by its cover, but everybody does it. It's I don't think we do it. Of course we do.

SPEAKER_03 45:36

I I think that's the whole point here is like, well, the moral code, think of about the people in your life that you love the most and you admire the most. Who's had an impact on you in your life? Whether it's a parent, a teacher, a coach, whoever they are, and the things that you admire about them, they're probably some of these things.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Yes. People that you can rely on them. You can rely on how they feel about you. If it's somebody that you know you're related to, you don't wonder, do they actually like me or don't they? And you never know with that person because of the way they act from day to day. This is so important in our ladylike behavior is the whole the whole package of how we how we feel about ourselves and how others view us. And your moral code is gonna help you with your own happiness more than anything. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

The moral code motto that we came up with is what you repeat becomes who you are. And I think that's so important with the repeating thing because it's the battle of becoming consistent with anything is a battle worth striving for.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Yeah, and if somebody, like say if a person is late and you get the feeling their excuse is kind of lame, you'd much better more appreciate if they said the truth.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 46:55

Even though it was kind of lame, like you say, I'm sorry, I fell asleep in the bathtub. Have you ever done that? No, no, I don't know how you can sleep in a body of water, it gets cold, and and I'd be afraid of going under the water. I don't know. I guess if you were in a hot tub.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Well, the other day I was my daughter was late for school because she has braces and they were poking into her gums. And I said to the teacher when I dropped her off, I was like, I'm so sorry, we're having issues with her braces this morning. And I just remember thinking after I said it, I was like, they probably think I'm lying. That sounds so silly that you're having problems with your braces. But her braces were po you know how the wires will poke out her gums. And I thought, oh, she probably probably thought that I was just making that up. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but honestly, it's just part of my moral code. I just say it. I'm in the habit of just saying what happened, yeah, to almost to the point where it's like, oh, did I even need to say that?

SPEAKER_01 47:50

But you don't say that twice a week.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

No, no, no. I I guess I'm just saying that when you repeat something, it becomes a habit, and then it's not so difficult later. Some of these things may sound kind of difficult, especially if you're just not used to focusing on them or thinking about them. But it might be hard at the in the beginning as you strive for it, but it gets easier as you do it over and over. Okay, so this has been a really wonderful conversation. Thank you so much for being here and helping everyone learn about this topic. I know this is something I've learned from you, and you obviously learned. Well, I'm still I'm still learning. I'm still this isn't this isn't something you perfect, really. I'm trying to pass it down to my kids, and it's it's something that that everyone's working on, and don't be too hard on yourself with the things that you struggle with because we're all we all have things we're struggling with. Yeah, that's right. And this is part of our ladylike behavior series. So be sure and tune in next time. Visit fascinatingwomanhood.com to buy all of our books, workbooks, coaching sessions. We have classes on there. You can take so many resources for you if you want to learn more about becoming more ladylike and feminine. And we will see you next time. See you next time. Stay feminine.