20 Ways to Say I Love You Without Saying (Hardly) Anything At All!

What if "I love you" isn't always spoken?

In this episode, we're exploring 20 ways to say I love you without hardly saying anything at all. From small gestures and quiet acts of kindness to the subtle moments that make people feel seen, valued, and cherished, you'll discover how love often speaks loudest in the spaces between words.

Whether you're deepening a relationship, nurturing a friendship, or simply learning to express care more intentionally, this episode will inspire you to communicate love in ways that are meaningful, authentic, and unforgettable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to the official Fascinating Womanhood podcast where we explore timeless principles for developing true femininity, inspiring authentic masculinity, and building strong, loving, and lasting relationships. I'm Cherry Lynn and I'm here with my mom, Dixie and Alyn Forsyth. Together we'll dive into the heart of what makes relationships thrive, offering practical wisdom and heartfelt conversations to help you live a more fulfilled and fascinating life.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Okay, so today we are talking about 20 ways you can say I love you without saying hardly anything at all. Why do we want to be able to say I love you without having to talk?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

I think it's good to talk too, but it's also nice to add to it. And you can do it by your actions. I wouldn't do it to avoid saying anything. Sometimes more believed than what you say.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

That's true. Yeah, I think it's a good point to do both. But why do we want this extra layer of saying I love you in our relationships?

SPEAKER_00 1:03

I think it's more believed. You know, Bob grew up in a family where his mother said talk is cheap. And so he was he was raised, don't say it, show it. But I said when we got married, I said, What's wrong with both? And he thought, yeah, what's wrong with both? So, but a lot of times I think we do as women, we like hearing it so we often say it, and not realizing that showing it is also really powerful in many little ways, not not huge, not always huge. We're just talking about the little ones.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

I agree. I think you can get into this habit of kind of almost it's a routine to say I love you, especially with someone that you're married to or somebody that you're really close with. You get into the habit of just being okay, love you, love you, you know, and you say it, which is great. That's not a bad thing, but sometimes it feels so routine that it doesn't feel special anymore. And I think that's what I love so much about this list is that these are ways that you can certainly show your love and say it, maybe I guess, through these gestures.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yes, and they're little, they're easy and they're free.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Yes, and we compiled this list with back in the day, we made this a long time ago. We've had this list for a long time, and we compiled it with two men. Actually, I think it was three men that we that we asked these questions to, and some of them came from them. And I remember when we were writing it out, you and I were both like, on some of these, you and I were both like, What?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah, really?

SPEAKER_03 2:32

That makes me feel loved. Yeah, I know. So there's some kind of interesting ones in here. So okay, let's jump right into it. The first one is give him a pass. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Well, maybe he made a mistake, forgot to do something. Like I've used this before, but it happens to us. Like he said, well, I'll go, I'll get the milk when I'm driving home from work, and then he forgets. Or he says something wrong, whatever it is. Go for more what he means. For me, a challenge is Bob will say, Wear the wear the pink dress, but it's actually red, and they're pink is not red, and else he will get frustrated. Well, you know what I mean. And I thought, no, I don't actually, because they're too, you know, you make pink from adding white to red, but they're not the same color. So if I'm looking for a pink dress, I'm going through my closet, not looking, I'll pass by the red one. So for me, giving him a pass would be to and try to anticipate what he means.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Yes, it's not that big of a deal, is it? No, but sometimes men are slightly colorblind. And well, for my husband, he he regularly gets these schedules wrong with the kids' schools. He I'll tell him and I'll put it on the calendar and he will forget. And so I instead I could easily nag him about some of those things, especially if they require his cooperation or his participation. But I try not to because I know that he's juggling a lot with his work schedule, and I just it's really not that big of a deal. And I think that's where another example where you can just be like, you know what? I'm just gonna let that go.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Well, and he's put in you don't want him to be uh harder on himself if he brings the CS.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Yeah, if it's really not I'm not saying that if he makes a huge mistake, don't ever say anything, but if it's a small mistake, just let it go from time to time. Now, do you think that uh our men are noticing this?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Consciously, probably not, but they might but but probably in the way they feel, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Consciously on a on a r like a you're saying long term, they're gonna feel they're gonna feel a certain way. Yeah, they're gonna feel uh loved, they're gonna feel loved and appreciated. That's a good that's a good explanation. Okay, the next one is feed his favorites. This is about really paying attention to what he likes to eat.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Yeah, and not giving him garlic soup if you know he doesn't like it. I'm exaggerating there. But you know, try my mother was really good at that. My dad wasn't so much that he was picky, but he had ulcers, and so there were certain foods that hurt him. Uh and so she was, but she grew up in Arizona and she loved spicy food. And so she when she wanted to make something spicier, she would make him something more bland just for him. Um special just for him. And he really appreciated that name and he didn't have to ask for it. So we're saying go out of your way to make something he doesn't often get. If he likes some dish that you didn't grow up with and you know he loves it, make it.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

And I do have to say too that this also applies to things that you don't like from time to time. Like if um you don't like steaks served with mushrooms on the top, but he does, maybe go ahead and make the mushrooms on the side for him.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

That's what I do for my husband, because I can't stand mushrooms. Some, you know, it's there's surprising to me how many women will not make foods that they personally don't like.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Right. Well, maybe it's just about making it being creative with how you make it because you want to treat him. And I if you have recipes that you know he just absolutely loves, especially if maybe he's working really hard or he's going through a tough time, making those special things for him go out of your way if you have to from time to time, if you can.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Well, especially, and you don't have to do this, but especially if he knows you don't really like it. Then you know it's just for him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Yeah. The third one is about stocking his favorites. Now, this is similar to the last one, but it's a little different.

unknown 6:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

If you know your husband loves uh, let's think of something like popcorn, for example. Well, it's a cheesy popcorn. I just sent him. I don't I don't know how big the tin was. It was huge. Huge tin of cheesy popcorn. It's a huge tin of popcorn, for example. It must have been 10 gallons. It was huge.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

It said it had 104 cups in it. Oh, at least that's an example of stocking his favorites. Like that's a way that I like to tell dad that I love it. Yeah, I I always give him cheesy popcorn because I know he loves it so much. But you can keep things. The point is that you keep things around that you know he loves. When you're in the store, you're thinking of him. I think when we did this a long time ago, we did a YouTube video about this. Uh, some of our ladies had responded that they liked packing lunches for their husbands and they liked putting little secret things in their lunches. Like that's another kind of part of this idea.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

If you know, if you know he loves a certain drink, like a soda or anything or juice, and you even if you don't really care for it, keep it stocked. Yeah, you know, it must be disappointing for a man to come home, look in. We have a cupboard, we call it a junk food cupboard. I don't know if you do. And and he looks in there and finds it, it could be a snack cupboard, something he wants to snack on because it's not time for dinner yet. And there's things to have things in there that you know that he will like.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're going on a trip soon, and my husband said, Well, you buy the kids a bunch of snacks for the hotel because I don't like it when they get cranky. And so I bought some snacks and I bought some beef jerky because he loves beef jerky.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

He does, oh he loves it.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

And I bought it and I just threw it in the suitcase and he he saw it and he goes, Oh, is this for me? Like little things like that, you know, just little little tiny gestures that you're thinking about him. Because you know he likes it and he doesn't ask for it. Yeah, and when you're at the store, you're thinking of him.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Number four is show affection. It's pretty obvious one, but pretty easy too.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

I mean, I yeah, I love to hug him, touch him. Um, just a general reminder to show affection. You can um even if he's across the room, you can do a smile, anything to show your affection for him.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

I think the bigger part of this one is um on a regular basis. I think a lot of us kind of remember to do this during like date night or maybe like it's a special occasion, but I think I mean I can't tell you how many couples that I'm around constantly that I never see them touch, I never see them hold hands, they don't even sit by each other most of the time. And sometimes that has to do with kids and stuff. But the point being is that regular physical affection is really important, but I think men really appreciate it a lot.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

I notice that I don't think you'd have to put that on a list for anyone who's a newlywed. Well, that's right, because they're naturally Yeah. So why why does that disappear? It shouldn't, shouldn't ever disappear, the desire to do it.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

But I'm sure I'm sure a lot of women are listening and they're going, well, he should do it too. Yeah, I agree. He should do it too. And maybe if you're not getting it, that's hard. It's hard when you're not getting it too. But just don't worry about whose turn it is and just and just start it. And just start it.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Well, especially since people used to say this to uh my mother all the time. Well, he should do this. And the answer is, yeah, you're right, but you can't, you're not his mother. You're not training him how to treat you. Uh you're you're doing what you do on your end that actually has an amazing side effect so often of ending up being reciprocated.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

One thing that really helps me to do this on a regular basis is look for things that I admire about him physically. So, for example, if you really love your husband's hands, before you go grab his hand or try to hold his hand, just think about that for a moment. Allow yourself to think about how much you admire his big hands and say, you know, oh, I just love his hands. And then and then grab his hand. It's a small thing, but it's a big thing because it will teach you to be in the habit of admiring him. And maybe at one point in time, too, you'll say those things and you'll do the verbal expression as well as the So you got I love your hands, you got beautiful hands.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Well, not maybe not beautiful, but well, I tell Bob he has beautiful eyes often because he does. I love the color of them. They're there's really beautiful blue, and I really, really like it. And he and he always seems appreciative when I tell him.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

I don't tell him every day, but I notice he has pretty eyes, and um but even just touching something like touching hands, touching shoulders, touching his back. It's a way of saying, I love this about you. Yes, yes, love this part of you, and I'm constantly not constantly, but I'm I'm regularly touching your back, touching your shoulder. I it's I love you and dad are really good about showing affection. You guys are both. Uh we always have been.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

And we hate being we hate being apart, especially at night.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Just hate it. I think sometimes couples don't want to show affection because they may have just argued or quarreled or something and there's resentment of some kind. What do you have to say about that?

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Well, sometimes they're, you know, if you've had your feelings hurt, you may not feel like uh doing anything physical for a little while just to kind of salve your wounds, maybe. But uh in a healthy relationship, this shouldn't last very long, really. Because uh as uh we talked about just recently on the live we did, understanding a man partly, largely, in fact, in some ways, involves uh knowing that he's basically a good guy and that he would never mean to hurt you. So, what is going on with those things as a foundation in mind? And so, and and so the the idea of a physical affection shouldn't really last long when you figure out in your mind that he, you know, he may have been clumsy, he may have done this or not done that, and you may be hurt, but you when you stop and think about what likely was going on with him, it's easier to, like we're saying, giving a pass, which is the first one. When you understand someone, you're not gonna be as hurt or upset, you're just not.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

Well, I actually really like the physical affection part of a disagreement, I guess, um uh after a disagreement. Yeah. Because it's a way that you don't have to talk. Sometimes you don't want to talk to him because you just had some sort of misunderstanding and you're not talking as much, and the physical affection just sitting by him or you know, putting your hand on his leg or in his shoulder or whatever, it that can be a way uh to break the ice and to in in kind of invite him back.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Right, right. That's that's a very good point.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Yeah. Number five is offer comfort. How is this different from showing affection?

SPEAKER_00 14:21

It it it's a sensitivity towards him, and you know, things like a foot rub, a back rub, neck massage. Sometimes when we're driving, I'll just reach over and massage Bob's neck, and he loves it. I can kind of tell he's maybe tense, and he always loves it because he gets he gets a little bit t tired in his neck. Just do doing it, it it's not so much about it, it is affectionate, but it's also about pampering him, wanting him to be comfortable. And if if I I should do this more offer to rub his feet because um he loves it. He he really does. I don't think of it for myself, but he does, and and he loves it if I offer to do that, especially if I put some maybe uh essential oil on there and rub that in lavender, he loves lavender.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Yeah, I I think this is just about I mean, I don't think you have to do this necessarily every day, but if you're just really wanting to add the spark back into your marriage, this is another way that you can do that is by offering to like my husband loves his back scratch, he just loves it. He's loved it since and you can do that when you're watching a movie. I mean that's what we usually do, and yeah, he'll kind of lean over. And I know it's the you know, he breaks my back. Yeah, breaks my back. Here it is. Yeah, just little little things like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Um, and you could do them every day, I guess, but well, sometimes the opportunity doesn't present itself naturally, but we we could just what we're saying is think of it more. Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Especially if you feel like romance is a little bit I we have so many women that say to us, how do I get that spark back? They say, Bob and Dixie have this wonderful spark in their marriage. How do they have it? Well, this is one of those tiny little slices that you can we make sure we don't lose it. Exactly. We're constantly feeding it, so exactly. Yeah. Uh number six is let him be human. Sounds kind of silly, but it's true.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

This is similar to giving him a pass. It is, and that can be things that are not so pleasant, like if he has uh flatulence or something. Some women, I had a niece that said said if she went before she met her husband, if she'd known how much gas he had, she would have been a deal breaker. But I think she didn't mean it. But sometimes sometimes you need to give someone a pass. Um sometimes he may be just stressed, and that doesn't have anything to do with flight flatulence, but sometimes guys kind of let down.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

It's so funny that you say that because my husband is not like that at all. Like not at all.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Is your son like that?

SPEAKER_03 17:08

No, he's not like that. No, but I think for me, this this one about letting him be human is about the mis, it's not necessarily the mistakes, it's like the it's like the crankiness or the bad moods for me. It's like, okay, you're just cranky today. And instead of just being like, you know, expecting so much.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Or if he's not some particularly thoughtful. Like he makes himself he makes himself a sandwich and doesn't ask if you want one. Something like that. And and he just doesn't think of you when he could have. Like right now that he's texting me. Oh, he knows you're down.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

Every time we record, he's like, where are you? Where what are where what what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Um every time every time. But we all we all are human and we all have these little things, and so we like a pass on them, so give it to our husband. We all give him what we love, which is a is uh a freedom to not be on eggshells.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Yeah, and and I think this one is just about I I think this one in with giving him a pass, it's like, okay, he made a mistake. I'm gonna give him a pass. This one's more like I'm gonna accept that today is not a perfect day, and that's okay. I'm gonna accept that he is and what he's gonna do. I'm gonna accept that in this moment he's not my ideal man in this very moment. And in cases, it's just this moment.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

And I and I'm not always the ideal woman, so so we're okay.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

Well, and this one, actually, this one and giving him a pass were the two were two of some of the ones that the men that we talked to gave us. Yeah. They said that this was very important to them. And we were like, Oh, you know, I don't think I would have put that on on a list if I were writing this. Probably not. And I think they both also gave us the next one, number seven, which is clean up your side. Which this one was the most surprising to me. I was like, that really makes you feel loved when we clean up our side. Can you explain what that means?

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Well, um, you know, anything that you do that kind of messes things up, you you put it back together, like like in you know, the overall little mess is like in a bathroom. But in in my case, it's the other way around. I I I'm always doing the cleaning up. And not that doesn't really something that I I have to remind myself of.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

All men have a different threshold with this though. Like I think if you left something in dad's shower, like I'm sure he would be grossed out by it if you left like a book of hair.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

And I just never do that because I'm because I'm kind of detail oriented. I don't do that. I have other issues, but that is not one of them for me. But it is for some of us. The examples that were given to us were mainly in the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 20:06

In the bathroom, like leaving the lid off the shampoo or no, the the examples that were given to us were like your typical girl things, like feminine products, um, hair. Hair was the big one. Like having hair all over the place. Like I know this is sounds kind of nitpicky, but I think when it comes to us, if you take this, if you put put yourself in their shoes, we don't like it when we walk in the bathroom and we see beard hair everywhere. Like for me, that's what I see all the time is like beard hair everywhere. So this is kind of the flip side of that, which is clean up after yourself. If you have messes that are pretty personal, especially, clean them up as best you can because it's just another way of saying, like, we share this space, and I respect you and I love you, and I want to clean up after myself.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Yeah, the same thing is true about leaving wet towels on the floor or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

Or, you know, you're leaving your laundry all over the place. And I know a lot of guys do this too, so it totally depends on the guy. He may be really messy too, and you're thinking, well, this is a double standard. This isn't fair. Like you said, you're like, I'm always doing all the cleaning.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

Well, yeah, and because you know, like it's understanding men, guys, many guys, not all guys, some guys are kind of OCD, but the other ones don't notice. They really don't notice. They'll open it, they'll they'll open a cupboard door, get something out, and leave the cupboard door open and walk away because they just don't think about the closing of it, you know. And cleaning up your side, if this is the other way, is if you get out a plate or in a dish, uh don't leave it on the table.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Right. Well, I don't know what bugs you that like I don't know what bugs him. He has to have stuff that's Bugs him that but every guy has something that probably bothers him. I know for my husband, it's like hair. He doesn't like hair, he gets very bashful with feminine products. It's just he doesn't want to Bob doesn't notice it. So it just depends on the guy.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

It's sort of like it's too much information, kind of a feeling, I think. Like a tampon sitting in the trash.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

He well, I think they just get grossed out. I think it's just I mean, I get grossed out by guy stuff. I get grossed out by pee on the toilet. Like that's gross.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Well, that that is true. And yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

And that is true.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Yeah, it is kind of but I think you can't turn this into a competition. I think this could easily turn into oh a finger pointing thing. Well, you do this, will you do this? And I have heard couples do that. They do this finger pointing thing, and it's childish.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

It's pointless too. It doesn't work.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

Just clean up your stuff. And if he doesn't clean it up, maybe clean it up for him. Maybe we need to do a pod. Well, I don't know. I don't think it's necessarily you need to be cleaning a him up like after a him like a maid. I don't think that's necessarily fair either, but I think that's a separate podcast. If we need if you have a problem where he's just literally a slob and he doesn't ever clean up after himself, we need to talk about that on the side.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

But if it's just one small thing here and there, yeah, clean it up Well, uh pee pee on the toilet is there's it's a lot, it's not just with a person here and there. There's a lot of women that complain about that. And I have found that uh it takes me five seconds to clean it up.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

Nothing husband doesn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

No, your husband wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

He doesn't do it, but my son does it.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Yeah, and a lot of sons do it, especially yeah, yeah, they just don't think. And when it's your son, you can try to train him. Good luck.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

I I am, and and it's we're getting there, we're getting there. When I'm you gotta stay on it. And that's this this gives going into a tangent. I think the point here is that clean up your side, meaning forget about this finger-pointing thing, forget about what he's don't worry about him, worry about yourself. That's kind of the message here. Just clean up your side. Um, number eight is dress for his eyes. You're very good at this. Do you want to talk about it?

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Wear things he likes on you. If I buy something and then I have a little while, and then I wear it, and Bob says, I don't really like that on you. I never wear it again. Because every time I think he doesn't like this, and I want him to like the way I look, so I just don't. He doesn't say don't do it or anything. He's always kind of he isn't surprised if he never sees it again, he just doesn't notice. But you know, also wearing your your hair in a way he likes, perfumes. Perfumes are ones I I always wear stuff he likes. Yeah, but but uh with hair, there was a time he was kind of wishing I would cut it short, and I really don't like my hair short. So I I did it very briefly for him, and I very quickly regretted it. I never liked it. So I went back to the long, and he likes that too, but he just kind of wanted a change, so I did it. But um generally speaking, I do I wear things he likes on me. He, of course, he loves to go shopping, he loves to pick out clothes and hopes I'll like what he picks out. Perfumes, I always make sure he likes them.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

What's your advice for women whose husbands like them to wear really plain, casual? They don't want them dressing up, they don't like them wearing makeup, they don't like them like I've heard this so many times. Women will say, Well, my husband doesn't really like it when I dress up. He wants me to be in jeans and a t-shirt or like sweatpants. He likes it when I act like when I dress that way.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

You know, men are different, and so I can only speak from some of my experience with that with my dad. I'm gonna bring him up again. He he was a little insecure, and he liked my mom to not wear things that were too cute because he didn't like other men to notice her. It took me a while to figure that out, and he he liked her wearing this is before I was born, he liked her wearing these really clunky shoes when she worked. It was during um during the Second World War. Because and he finally admitted to her he didn't like men looking at her legs. So it wasn't that he didn't like it on her, he just was kind of insecure about their relationship. So I don't know if that fits with it, probably fits with some men. I don't know about all, but men who say they don't like makeup, I find that that's often what we would call over made up because men don't tend to notice if you're wearing concealer and lip gloss and a little blush. They just don't tend to notice that it's the overdone stuff that's probably what they mean.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

So your advice with the makeup is to kind of go ahead and don't go too crazy, but what's your advice with the clothing?

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Well, first you have to determine why he doesn't want you to. What's the reason if he he doesn't like other men looking at you, or I don't I don't know. Maybe he may not know the answer if you ask him.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

Well, my advice for the whole casual thing is and I think the only reason why I wanted to bring this up is because I think there's a lot of ladies that are challenged with what their husbands want them to wear and what their husbands want them to look like. And I think this can be really challenging for a lot of ladies because we only feel graceful and we only feel feminine in certain things, but if those things are things that he doesn't like, what what do you do? I think for me it's about trying different things and and giving him a little bit of what he wants, but also doing what you want. And I think you can compromise a little bit. So if he likes you on the casual side, you can search for more flattering casual clothes. If he likes you and jeans in a t-shirt, maybe the jeans that you get are really special and flattering, and the t-shirts that you get are unique and maybe they're not fancy, but they're really soft. And we've talked about this in some of our other other podcasts about how important it is to choose things that make you feel beautiful. Yeah, you are regularly kind of more casual because this is just something he really likes you in, then maybe you're spending a little bit more time on your hair and you're more time on your nails. You can find other ways to feel a little bit more polished and dressed up. So don't just, you know, feel like you have to be a slave to what he wants you to look like. You don't you said about your hair, I tried it short, I don't like it, and now I'm doing it long. And so, you know, maybe you you have your hair the color that you know that he loves on you, or yeah, maybe you like it.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

He suggested blonde, it wasn't my idea. I always had dark hair, but he suggested it, and I I actually like it's uh harder to keep up, but that's okay. Uh one thing I'm I've noticed is um now this may not, I'm sure it doesn't apply to all, but uh your hair, you're talking about your hair. Some men like their wives to kind of stay the same as they did when they first fell in love with them. So, in other words, if your courtship involves you um wearing real casual clothes all the time, that's what maybe kind of reminds them of falling in love with you. Or also, like in the case of, I was thinking my brother, he his wife wanted to have let her hair go natural because she was getting older. He liked it the blonde color it was when they met. And I think that's why she keeps it the way because he likes and she has the same style as when they they were were dating, as because it's it's a reminder, and it kind of keeps that spark going for him.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

It's not the only thing, but that's something he didn't like change, he doesn't like change, and I think that's a good way to explain it, is not that I think some women listen to this and they say, Oh, I shouldn't have to wear my hair the way he likes it, I should wear it the way I like it. Well, yeah, but this is part of we're talking about ways to show him that you love him, and a lot of that has to do with small selfless choices. So, what what can you do if that really reminds him of when he fell in love with you? Like that that's so sweet. I think that's it.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

Same with fragrance, same with fragrances. Yeah, yeah. My brother likes the cologne that she was her signature cologne when they were dating, so he will always it'll always remind him. But I'm that way because I like the cologne that Bob wore when we were dating still reminds me of that, of that time. And he he always has a bottle of it. Uh he wears other colognes too, but that will remain my favorite because it was this the fragrance he was when he would come to my door.

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Right. And there's nothing wrong with you feeling that way, just like there's nothing wrong with him feeling that way about your hair. Right. Yeah. Okay, the next one is listen with interest. This was one of the ones the guys gave us.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Yeah, and it's a good one too. And actually be interested in the conversations about him and his work, the things that interest him. If he wants to talk about politics and you're oh, you're so out of it. I mean, you just so hate talking about politics. If he's genuinely interested and kind of animated about it, be interested in what he's saying. And that can be uh something that you're not particularly interested in. Like there was there was some some playoff game last night and I don't know, some game, some big game in basketball, and he was really interested in talking about the different teams and who won. I don't really know enough about it, but it's it's it's a good idea to listen if he's interested in talking to you, listen genuinely with interest. So what did you what did he say about the basketball teams? He said the team that won was not the one he thought was gonna win, but ultimately he didn't really care because he didn't have a he he said he said he realized that teams are made up of players that aren't even all from the city that you like. And so so it's a matter of, you know, they in fact if the reason they came to that team is because they were offered more money. So he said it doesn't really matter to him who won. He just enjoyed the process of the game.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

See, and that shows that you listened, yeah. You heard all of that stuff, and I know that's not something that you're interested in, but he talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

I'm more interested in that than football because I don't really understand football. I don't really I I in junior high I played basketball, so I understand that.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

But I don't understand football. It seems like they're always walking around talking and not actually playing the game. Yeah, it does, it really does.

SPEAKER_03 32:51

But I think listening with interest, I think that's a really good way to show him that you are open-minded to do things. Uh, sometimes this isn't even face-to-face. Like my husband will tag me in videos, sometimes on Facebook, or he'll tag me and stuff. I think he just wants me to observe or watch these videos, and I'll I'll comment and he'll say, Oh, you you saw that video that I sent you. Like me commenting on it is me kind of like engaging, yeah, acknowledging him. And like it same thing goes for text messages. He sends you a text, hey, what do you think about this uh this vacation spot? Or what do you think about um us going to this restaurant sometime and really engaging with that? Um, as so many things are digital now.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

So I think you have to include that, but but yeah, when you're when he's talking to you, you're really listening to him and you're not kind of waiting for the time to pass or you're multitasking. That's another one I'm guilty of is I'll be multitasking while he's talking to me, and I'm not really all the way invested. I have to remind myself to stop and pause and listen to him. The next one, number 10, is join his world. This is similar to number nine, yeah, but it has more action in it.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Showing up for him or learning what he likes. Uh it it it's the next step with listening.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

Yeah, do you have any examples of times you've had to do this with Dad?

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Yeah, when he talks about sports or politics or or even a cryptocurrency. That's what I don't understand that very well. How do you join that? Ask him questions. But isn't that just listening? Well, no, because it when you when I ask, I'm not just listening, I'm actually participating. I said, Well, what what what what happens when this happens? It's showing that I'm part of it. I'm not just saying, oh, that's interesting. Oh, oh, okay. You're saying you're saying taking the step to learn more about it. Be more engaged with it. Okay. And it could be, it could be now, now my husband is not, he doesn't really have a lot of hobbies. So it's not like a physical thing that I show up for. Like for some men, it might be if he enjoys hiking, you go hiking with him. But but for me, it's not that. Well, okay. Yesterday I was busy and he wanted to go to a movie, which we never shouldn't say never, rarely go to movie theaters. It's just there, it's expensive and there's not always much good on. He really wanted to go to a movie and he had the time. He didn't have to go to the hospital. So I dropped everything and went, even though I was had a lot I wanted to get done. And uh I wouldn't have picked that movie, not because uh I thought it was bad, I just wouldn't have thought of it.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

Yeah, it sounds like joining his world is a is is part of listening, but it's taking a little bit more action in it and having the flexibility, I guess you could say, to try something new. My husband, he has a lot of different hobbies. Yeah. And I can't there's no way I could possibly learn all of them because they're really they're not things that I'm good at, but I do try to support him in those things. And you know, like for example, he loves making pizza. He's a big pizza person. He loves to, he has an outdoor grill oven for pizza. And when he first bought it, I thought maybe he wanted me to learn how to make it. And I I realized that wasn't the case. He just wanted to do it on his own, and but he liked for me to kind of assist him. Like, can you grab me my stuff and can you help me, you know, prepare all these recipes and stuff? And that was kind of foreign to me at first. I thought, what is he doing? And it it ends up being kind of a bonding experience that you have with him. Um, that I never would have realized I ever would have had with him had I not just kind of jumped into that like blindly.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Yeah, that's a that's a really good point. Because yeah, your husband does he also has hobbies with regarding his car. I mean, he loves to take care of it.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

Well, that's his own thing, and I don't really participate. But so it's almost a hobby. He he is so detailed about taking care of his car. Sometimes he'll invite me to come with him to get it washed. And I'm thinking to myself, why does he want me to come with him to get his car washed? But I'll just go. It's just yeah, it's again, join his world. You're joining his world, just join his world and go with him. And it ends up being that we have a lovely conversation, and I learn some more things about him and his car, and like you just never know. A lot of ladies might hear that and go, Oh, I don't want to do that with you.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Well, I have uh I have a standing rule for myself with Bob. If he asks me, he says, Would you like to come to the post office while I mail this? If I possibly can, I always say yes.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

Yeah, that's joining himself. Yeah, it's it seems really silly and small, but it means a lot to him.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

Yeah, if he invites me, uh, I never I never miss an opportunity for a date. And a date for Bob and I is anything we do together that's alone. All right, and it's our kids since your kids are growing, that could be putting new sheets on the bed, but we don't usually count that because most of what we do is alone. But running errands with him, if he wants me alone, uh if there's any way possible, I will do it.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

Well, and I also think that joining his world is a an opportunity for him to lead. And a lot of ladies will complain to us and say, I want him to take the lead, I want him to take charge of things. Well, this one right here is a big one that you may not be noticing, that he's trying to take the lead a little bit here and there, and you maybe say no. Yeah, you're not thinking that it's about that, you're just thinking, Oh, I don't want to go to the post office with you, I don't want to go wash your car. Like that is that sounds like a waste of time. But it actually is a bigger thing to him, it's a bigger deal to him. So if you can make it happen, try to make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

If he wants you in his world, that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

Exactly. Yes, that's a good one. Number 11 is respect his preferences. Boy, is this a big one for me.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Oh boy, it's a big one for a lot of people. Um, because we're different. His taste in movies are what you watch for a date if you're having a date at home. If he likes sports and you don't, and it's not always it's it's it's a respect for what he wants. Instead of if you want to watch a romantic movie and he never supports that, how would you feel? Right. Now you know he doesn't care for it. So like a lot of men prefer action. And you just a side note, uh, Bob said why they like action, it calms them down, it hypes us up, it calms them down. So probably one of the reasons he likes it is it relaxes them.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Yeah, I think this is this is hard because a lot of us, especially when you have two stronger personalities, this is really tough because you've got, oh, this the lady wants to watch the woman wants to watch this, or wants to do this, or wants to vacation here or do this with the kids, or there's this is all about those preferences, and then he wants this. You've you of course we all just want in a perfect world, we just want a perfect balance every time. But life isn't that fair and it's not that balanced, and you're not always gonna get your turn. And I think it can you can get into this trap of kind of feeling a little bit like a victim that you don't ever you don't get to choose, you don't get to, and and I think that's where you know you have to just kind of make it work for you. It depends on your relationship. But I think the main theme here is letting him go first, let him have his his thing, and if it means that much to him, just give it to him. If he wants to have Italian and you want Chinese, just give it to him, just let him have it that this time. If he wants to, like you said, if he wants to watch, I don't know an action film. What's that show on on Netflix that both dad and and my husband both like? What is it? I don't know. Oh, John Wick.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

Breaking bad great breaking bad is another one. It is it has so much oh I like breaking bad. It had so much. Uh my problem with it is I thought it was extremely well done. But the problem is there wasn't to me enough breaks where something scary wasn't going on, and it was really stressful for me, but it was really well done. But it makes men, it helps men to actually relax.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

Well, see, I like breaking bad, but I don't feel relaxed when I'm watching it. Whereas a man might feel relaxed, I feel more um excited when I'm watching it, and I'm thrilled to see what's gonna happen with the relationships, with the people, and what's gonna happen to their marriage and what's gonna happen with the with the son. So we watch the you like you're right, we watch it differently and very differently, yeah. Because you as a woman might actually like some of these action films, doesn't mean that it may necessarily leave you the same way that it leaves him.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

Well, I've I've done okay, um, it's a little off, but there's a Netflix show called Homeland. I don't know if you've seen it. Um Claire Danes, she's a very good actress, but it's about the CIA, and so it has a lot of really high stress stuff in it. But what I learned to do, and some people hate this, but I get on my phone and say, What's gonna happen next on my phone? So I don't get so scared because I'm I don't need fear in my life, and I don't need especially fear from something that's just Hollywood. So I just look ahead and say, This is this person gonna die in this scene, and then I can be prepared for it. So that's a way for me with action films that I don't need extra fear, I can deal with it and not be and still support it.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

If we're watching something that I'm struggling with, like what you're talking about, I can relate to so to what you're talking about with some of the things we've watched. I'll just do my nails while we're watching it, and that helps me out my nails, and it gives me the ability to focus on something else because what we're watching maybe is sending me to a place that's like not great in my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but I mean, if it's really that bad, you can also just say something. Do you mind if we watch something lighter tonight?

SPEAKER_00 43:26

I'll say that from time to time because that's just well, John Wick is is not got a light thing in it.

SPEAKER_03 43:32

There's only so much violence sometimes that you can handle as a woman if you're more sensitive. So I I I think it's perfectly fine to say, like, hey, do you mind if we if we watch something different tonight? But ultimately, the at the end of the day, this is more about respecting and accepting what he likes and allowing him to indulge in those things from time to time and not nagging him or shaming him for some of those things.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:59

Well, in record. Recognizing that he's invited as partly goes into the one before it joining his world. Right. If he's inviting you into his world, recognize that as something he wants you there. And like with sports, like some of these, like football, I don't really get what's going on. I'll if he wants me to sit by him, I'll sit by him and look at my heads. Yeah. Just quietly look at stuff.

SPEAKER_03 44:22

Yeah. And at least you're there. But this is this joining his world and respecting his preferences is about healthy, more healthy activities. We're not talking about if he's smoking weed or if he's like no, he's watching porn. Like, that's not what we're talking about. No, that's not there was a moment there where I was like, I feel like we need to point out that this is about more healthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, number 12 is choose him first. And this is the this is kind of tied into joining his world and respecting preferences, but it's a little bit more about putting him up on the list of other people. And I think sometimes we we have busy lives and our kids get in the way, or our friends, or events, or work, and all these things get in the way. And sometimes your man can kind of start to feel like, well, where do I fall in this list? We don't want him to feel like he's ever at the bottom, ever. He should never feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

No, or like, oh yeah, you and Bob and I have been doing this so long, it's just kind of second nature. At least I do it. I choose him first if he wants to be together and do something that usually falls to the if I have a dental appointment, obviously. I can't, and and he doesn't expect it. But if he invites me, like we were talking earlier about to go to the um post office with him, I will do it because he's number one.

SPEAKER_03 45:46

Well, you also will, if you're on the phone with me, you'll say, Bob's calling me, I have to click over. If you can, if it's not you do it too. You do it over. Yeah, say, hey, he's calling me. I gotta, I gotta click over. I mean, obviously, if you're on the phone with a doctor and you're like on hold and you've been waiting for an appointment for three months, that's not the time to click over. Yeah, no, no, and he wouldn't expect you to. We've had ladies say that to us when we've when we've talked about this in the past, and they'll be like, Well, if I'm on the phone with my son's ADHD person. I'm like, no, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about if you're if you're chatting with someone, if you're on the phone, he calls you, click over and and answer it. That's just another way that you're choosing him first. Just like you said, you drop something if he asks you to go somewhere, if he asks you to go to dinner and you had maybe another plan. Just can you drop it? Maybe you can, maybe you can't, but try to. And it shows him that he means more to you than that other person.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

He should always feel like he's number one in your heart.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

Yes. Number 13 is surprise him. Depends on the man, of course, but I think everybody to some degree loves a little tiny, delightful surprise.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Yeah, in my case, it's you know, doing little things for him that he notices, like like sometimes he'll ask me to ham up something, some pants, throw a button on that's fallen off, and I just do it and lay it on the chair so he'll know it's done. And he and he's gone, and he knows that I did it when he wasn't there and he wasn't asking me. I just did it. And nobody made me do it. Or to uh accept his uh gifts. Okay, for my case, he loves to go shopping for me. And sometimes he will buy me something and bring it home, and it is not great. And so my the way I react to that gift is to first of all be so grateful that he thought of me. He was thinking of me when he was at that store. I wasn't even there, and he thought of me and thought, oh, this might look good on her. And so if it doesn't look good on me, I can handle it with grace and return it, but still be grateful for the thought.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

I think you can also surprise him with tiny little things, like let's say he's the person that rolls the trash can out to the curb every night. Maybe you do it one night before he gets home and say, I just I thought about you and you had a long day and I went ahead and did it. Yeah. Surprise him with with little things. Say you were thinking the the point is the key is that you're thinking about him. It's not yeah, oh, I surprised both of us with a brand new, you know, blender.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

Like I like surprise him with a new vacuum cleaning.

SPEAKER_03 48:41

Yeah, it has to be something that has to do with thought about him. Yeah. Like the other day, uh, my husband, I noticed his belt was really scratched and it looked kind of uh it was looking kind of sad. And I just I just bought one and put it in his belt thing. And he he noticed it a couple days later. He's like, Did you buy me a new belt? Yeah, I saw that it was scratched, and I I just thought you knew it. He's like, Oh, thank you. Um those are really your guy, you know, maybe he wouldn't like that because he wants to buy his own belts. I don't know, but it's just about you know, thinking of him and and showing him that you were thinking of him.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

Well, like today, for example, uh Bob always does a clinic. Most of the time they don't provide lunch and he needs a lunch. So uh he he has to get up fairly early to do it. I always get up and go make his lunch and tell him I want to get up and make your lunch. Because sometimes he's tempted because I have a hard time sleeping. I mean getting to sleep. Sometimes he just is tempted to just leave because he doesn't want to wake me up.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

I'll just say I want to do this for you. And so that way he um it makes him feel good because I said, No, I'm getting out of bed and making your your lunch even though it's early. Because you're you're so important to me. Okay, number 14 is choosing joy. Yeah, that's um sometimes a little hard, but it's choosing to be positive and staying bright during dark times.

SPEAKER_03 50:07

Why do you think that's important to men? Why does that say I love you by you being positive?

SPEAKER_00 50:14

Well, he doesn't have to he doesn't have to be the one to do it all the time. Because it it helps in your family life if if he feels like say you're going through uh financially rough times, that you believe in him, you believe in that you're gonna get through it.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

I think men really need to see, and this is this is something that the guys were saying when we were talking to them about this whole topic, they really have this need, it's almost innate in them to see their wives happy. It doesn't mean that you have to be bouncing up and down with joy and sunshine every day, but I think generally speaking, they they have this kind of unspoken rule in their lives or goal, I guess, to make their wives happy and that their wives are happy with them. And I think it helps them feel successful company. Yes, it makes them feel successful. And of course, us women want our husbands to be happy, but I think we look at it a little differently than they do. They almost have a sense of pride when it comes to their wives being happy, and it's again, it's not about bursting with happiness all the time, it's about just generally being positive about things and believing that hey, you know, I have a positive outlook and things are gonna be okay. And and of course, we all are human and we can get stressed about things. Like you said, financial things are really scary, and it can be really easy as a woman to not feel positive when you're going through such a tough time financially, um, as an example. But I think we can all work on this, every one of us can work on being a little bit more positive and expressing gratitude for the things that we have, because our husbands just really appreciate that in us. It's like we're soldiers that aren't gonna give up that kind of that kind of uh comparison. Like we're not we're losing, but we're not giving up, you know, you can look at it that way.

SPEAKER_00 52:15

Yeah, especially if if your husband is going through a tough time himself personally, yeah, and needs you to be more, it's gonna be all right.

SPEAKER_03 52:26

Well, there's one that's very similar to this that we're gonna get to in a little bit, so that kind of ties into that. But I think this one is generally just about being a little bit more positive in general, um, and and showing that that positive outlook and on a regular basis. Number 15 is greeting him. Now, this is a staple for fascinating womanhood. This is something this is something that was in grandma's book, this is in your book. Why what what are we talking about when we say greeting him?

SPEAKER_00 52:55

It's him, it's always been important to me, but greeting him is when he leaves saying goodbye, and when he comes in, acknowledge that he's in. That welcome home. You don't have to always say that, but giving him a hug. Um you know, I know I I always do it when when Bob leaves, I walk uh whenever possible, I stand at the door and wave to him until he's backed out. The driveway, I stand there and watch and wave. And I I always do it because I want him to know that I'm support him. Yeah. That we're kind of together, even though he's going to a clinic. I actually did get to see that clinic once, but usually there's no occasion for me to go. It's out of town and it's a different thing. There's no reason for me to be there. But just to kind of be with him morally and emotionally.

SPEAKER_03 53:50

Yeah, I think the greet is really important. It's really just about the habit of by hello and goodbye. And uh part of this is putting him first, dropping what you're doing and saying hello and and saying goodbye. And and I know this this whole topic is about hardly saying anything at all. Well, you're hardly saying anything at all. What you're saying is you're walking to him and you're hugging him or you're kissing him or you're saying goodbye. That's very, very little that you're saying. Um, but the habit of it says so much more that it's great, greeting, whether you say anything or not. Number 16 is keep the spark alive. Now, this is this one in our video that we did, we called this like sexy time. Yeah. We changed it to keep the spark alive because I think ultimately like what you're really aiming for is just making sure your intimacy and intimacy in your relationship is regularly taken care of. You are regularly paying attention to this and you are not forgetting um or you're not allowing things to always get in the way. And then before you know it, there's just no intimacy in your marriage.

SPEAKER_00 54:55

Yeah, it's surprising to me how many women have reported they haven't had any intimate life for months.

SPEAKER_03 55:03

Yes, yes. Uh, you know, we have a lot of ladies come to us for coaching and they book appointments with us online, and so many of them will be like, I'm in crisis, my husband had an affair, and or I suspect him of having an affair. And nine times out of ten, I'm telling you, I talk to these ladies and they'll say, Well, yeah, we haven't had sex in months. And I'm not saying that that gives him a pass, not saying it's not okay. It's not okay what he's doing, but I'm just saying that these are a part that that's a part of this problem. It is definitely a chunk of the problem, is that you don't have that in your relationship, and it's so important that you have that.

SPEAKER_00 55:45

Yeah, I mean, um, there's always situations where one or the other of you can't. Like I thought of I had a brother whose wife had MS, and it got to the point where he was she was just bedridden, he was taking care of her. We didn't talk about it, but I doubt they had much of an intimacy part of their life. But they they had it very healthily before, and so when they they physically could not do it, they were still very affectionate with each other. And so that that becomes your intimate life, if that's all you can do. That's becomes it, and that's also healthy.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

Well, and this includes if you're not really always in the mood, and and maybe he is. I think obviously every relationship is so different, but you have to just keep that in mind of how important it is to him. You took him off the market for those of us who are married. You took him off the market. So just keeping that in mind of how men, I think they just it's really, really important to men.

SPEAKER_00 56:47

Yeah. Yeah, and it's important to us too.

SPEAKER_03 56:50

Um it is, it's just it depends on the person, obviously it depends on the couple, but I think in general, what we tend to hear is that the the women are maybe like, oh, you know, I'm not in the mood. And it can slowly kind of kill the spark in your marriage. Absolutely, yeah. Number 17 is speak his language. This has to do really with just understanding men, and and I we can do a whole podcast series on this topic. So we probably will. Yeah, we will go there. I mean, we could go on for six or seven hours at least um on speaking his language. But I think we just wanted to add this in in here as just uh something to just keep in mind that men are not as verbal and they're generally not as sensitive as we are. And if you can remember that about him, you are already speaking his language.

SPEAKER_00 57:43

Yeah, you're at least you're understanding his language.

SPEAKER_03 57:47

Well, just kind of letting letting yourself kind of go to that place of you know what, he he's just not the same as me. And and and that's okay that he's not this, he's not gonna speak as much as me. He's not gonna like you said um on the live today. You said something about how you cried the other day and dad didn't notice because you guys were in a conversation with another person, that he didn't even notice that you were kind of teary over there in the corner. He was just focused on on the topic, and instead of you nagging him afterwards and saying, you know, I was tearful during that conversation, you just kind of let it go because you recognize that he, you know, that he doesn't think about things the same as you and he doesn't notice everything.

SPEAKER_00 58:32

Yeah, it was more bewildering to me. Like, really? Okay. That was a new thing I learned. I thought he really didn't notice. And and because I know that now, and he says, Well, I'm not as sensitive, I think, okay, that's lack of sensitivity to another level that I wasn't aware of. But now that I am, I will notice it next time and not and not um be here, I'll expect it more.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:59

Which is which changes it all.

SPEAKER_03 59:01

So yeah, well, a woman that can understand how a man kind of approaches things and thinks and can kind of act accordingly, she is a very valuable person. She's a valuable woman who really can understand both sides of everything. I mean, not not everything, but she can generally gauge where to go from here, depending on how our man is. And I think that's a really valuable trait that you can learn. Yeah. Number 18 is cheer him on. And this has similar, this is a lot similar to choosing joy as we were talking about earlier, but cheering him on has to do with when he is in particular going through a hard time. And it's still about being positive, but more so shifting that positivity to believing in him and not genuinely believing in him. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 59:54

There's a lot of tough challenges in life, and you and if you're the one who always believes, you're his biggest fan. That's what you want to be, is his biggest fan because you know him, you know his intent, and you know what he's trying to do.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:09

Well, even if he is doing some things that you're questioning and maybe you're just not sure, you need to go back to, well, why did you marry him? And did you trust him when you married him? And is that trust still here? And if it's not, that's something you need to work on. That's a separate topic, but hopefully you still trust him, and you married the a man that you trusted, and that you have to be able to say, you know, despite whatever's going on with you, I'm gonna choose to believe in you and trust you.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Yeah. And and like I said, be his biggest fan, and he always knows it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:43

Exactly. Number 19 is make home sweet. Now, again, we could do a whole series, we probably will do a whole series on how to make your home feel like a haven and a sanctuary. But just quickly adding this one in here, it is about making sure your home is cozy, clean, and you take pride in the upkeep of your home.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:08

Like in our case, I'm picking something that's going on. We have our house and we've lived in it long enough that things get old and have to be replaced. I noticed that uh there's a couple of windows that are need to be replaced. In doing that, I take the lead on finding out about how to do that, how much it would cost getting somebody over here to give us an estimate. But it also includes things like the atmosphere in our home, the pleasant smells, whether it's clean. Like part of that is the greeting. That creates atmosphere in your home, greeting the way, you know, I've seen stories online about a terrible dysfunction in homes. And I think, gosh, can you imagine if your home, every time you came home, you didn't know whether there's going to be all this uh abuse or screaming and stuff like that. So some of those things are physical, but some of them are just the the kind of atmosphere in your home.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:08

Yeah, and I think women are generally a lot better at this than men are. Some men are really good at this, but I think generally we can really make an impact on how our home feels and how it's cozy and how how it can feel like a place that you want to be and it's warm. I'm not saying that men don't participate in this, of course they do. There's tons of brilliant male designers out there, and there's there's men that are really, really good at it, but I think women can take the lead in their own homes by just ensuring that they have pride in how it's upkept and like changing it for the season. Like I think women are really good at that. Yeah. You know, just making sure that your home feels like a place that you want to be and it's cozy.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:54

Yeah, and so that your your husband feels like, let's go home. Right. Instead of I don't want to go home because it's so it's there's such stress there, or it's always you can't hardly find a path to walk through to get to your bedroom.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:12

And I do have to say, I you know, I love watching and reading like interior design magazines and things like that. And I I've seen so many brilliant male designers, and I'm like, wow, they've just like like they're so talented. But I do have to say there is something really special about a woman's touch. And I know that's that cliche kind of thing that we always need a woman's touch. Even those places, I still tend to be like, I kind of craving a touch of feminine though. And that's where we can do the woman's touch. And I think men appreciate it and they I think they they feel they feel comfortable in it.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:50

I mean, obviously you don't want to go nuts and and well, but but sometimes these male designers, even though as talented as they are, they don't always do the extra step of atmosphere. Now, maybe this isn't true of male designers, but I know male builders that I've known in my life, sometimes their own homes don't get the attention that the customers do who pay them. And they their own homes have a floor that is falling apart and needs to be replaced because when they come home, they don't want to go right back to work.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:22

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So we could do a whole entire maybe we will. We'll do a whole podcast on um or a series even on how to be this kind of domestic goddess, but for now we'll leave it at that. And the last one, number 20, is be easy to please.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:42

Another free one.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:43

This is easier said than done, though. We're sensitive people and we do have expectations. All of us do. I don't know a woman that doesn't have expectations about this topic of like, I wanted a great Mother's Day gift, or I didn't get the Christmas experience that I wanted from my husband, or that vacation wasn't wasn't as amazing as I had hoped it would be, those kind of things.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:12

Yeah, and be easy to please be be satisfied with something that isn't your favorite. Yeah, or like in for for vacation this year, you go to something more local and you do something more local than doing some big trip. Sometimes you can't do the big trip.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:31

And that's maybe for your anniversary, you were hoping for this really fancy dinner, but you had a really casual one that wasn't as wonderful as you thought. I think being easy to please just has to do with you know keeping your expectations in check.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:47

Yeah, like I you know, you were hoping for a nice dinner and you got run through you you ran through the drive-thru and got burgers, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:57

Yeah, well, and it's okay to ask for the things you. want we're not saying that you just need to kind of like oh well you know I guess I'll never have any of my dreams will never come through it's not about that I think it's just about in in general if if your your expectations are always piling high and like each year I I think a lot of women do so do this like oh well last year you gave me this or a few years ago I have the comparison yeah yeah and then it starts to kind of build and we don't really I don't think we really mean to most of us but we start to kind of want to top things or we maybe we it's always been low and we're just dying for that top then maybe that's a a situation where you need to talk to them about what you want. But in general you know that vacation that you took maybe the hotel wasn't that great but you make the best of it and you just yeah and you laugh about that that horrible that horrible hotel it didn't ever have any hot water and so it becomes something you kind of laugh about later. And um we've I know we've done that um or or the car that you drive maybe you wanted something by the time you hit certain age and you don't have it well is that okay it's okay look this goes hand in hand with finding joy and being positive.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:15

It's like well this part of this is about you looking for the the gratitude in the situation things could probably be worse and I'm grateful for this I'm grateful for that and showing that look for the big picture instead of okay this really wasn't the be all end all another thing is you don't want if somebody does something amazing say your husband takes you on an amazing trip for your birthday he shouldn't have to feel like he has to outdo himself next year that he's always got a one up otherwise it's not going to be good. It's okay to have an ordinary kind of local birthday next year. It doesn't always have to be one up. Yeah yeah I think it's just uh some of us can be a little bit more high maintenance than others like I have to have my nails done they've been done for 25 years and now I can't afford to do it so that's just not acceptable.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:11

Uh we can be easier to be to please yeah I think um you you can work on this it's something that a lot of us can work on I think everyone really let's just be honest I'm sure everyone can work on this from time to time it it creeps up in the smallest little everyday things things that you I don't like I I I'm sensitive to not wanting to be hard to please yeah like I'm high maintenance I don't like that whole idea of feeling like I'm high maintenance and so I sometimes because Bob is so generous I sometimes will say I hope I'm not high maintenance and he says not at all um well there's some women that are high maintenance but they think they're low maintenance that's the problem that's what we're talking yeah I think it's high maintenance yeah yeah I think that's really really what it's about but it's also it's also little things you may be very low maintenance and then you have a day where something just means a lot to you and you put the expectations up there and they kind of fall flat and then you become resentful of him and I think that's where just manage that a little bit you know just kind of be aware of that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:19

Well that's where this whole list will help you. Yeah because this whole list of doing these small things saying I love you without hardly saying anything at all can really help your relationship. You don't have to do it perfectly it's not required.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:36

Yes exactly well said well thank you so much for helping me with this list. I hope everyone enjoyed it if you have a friend that you would like to share this podcast with please feel free to share it with someone you think it would resonate with and we're here every week so send us some fan mail and let us know what else you'd like us to talk about. Our website is attached to the show notes www dot fascinatingwomanhead dot com where you can find out all about us our story our books our master classes coaching what am I leaving out all the places you can find us on social media and everything else we may have left out everything else is on there that you can go to our website and find everything on there and we will talk to you next time stay feminine bye