Episode #10 - Staying Single After Divorce: What I’ve Learned About Freedom, Loneliness, and Midlife Superpowers

 In this heartfelt, candid episode, Angela opens up about what it has truly meant to choose singlehood after divorce—and why, seventeen years later, she remains deeply grateful for the life she’s built on her own terms. As she shares, “the choice to remain single has allowed me to approach life intentionally… guided by my own knowledge, wisdom, intuition and instincts.”

 Whether you’re newly divorced, contemplating a major life shift, or already thriving in your independence, this episode offers validation, perspective, and a grounded sense of possibility.

And don’t miss the gift Angela created for you: The Over the Moon Manifesto: 7 Shifts for Women Reclaiming Their Sovereignty After 50—a declaration of self‑trust, autonomy, and unapologetic self‑love. You’ll find the link in the show notes below.

 Tune in and remember: you are capable, you are sovereign, and you are worthy of a life that feels expansive and deeply your own. 

Learn how you can work with Angela at https://www.overthemoon.life/.  It's time to create a life that is unapologetically your own! 

Download your free copy of The Over the Moon Manifesto: 7 Shifts for Women Reclaiming Their Sovereignty After 50 here: https://subscribepage.io/TheOvertheMoonManifesto 

Transcript

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Welcome to Single, Sovereign and Over the Moon, the podcast for women celebrating the freedom of singlehood after 50. I'm your host, Angela Winks, holistic life coach and sovereignty strategist. To be sovereign means owning your power and claiming the authority to be the director of your life, your choices, and your future. And when divorced by the end of any long-term relationship has you single in midlife, it's a beautiful opportunity to realign and write your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilling chapter yet. Because becoming single after 50 isn't a setback, it's a superpower. Here we get to reimagine what it means to flourish in this season of life. Join me as we build a strong community of women who embrace their independence, support one another, and boldly define what it means to be single, sovereign, and everything in love with the rest of your life. Hello, my sovereign sisters. Thank you for being here and for allowing me to walk with you for this short moment of your busy day. This is episode 10 of the podcast. I know it's still such a little baby podcast with only 10 episodes, but it's exciting to me. It feels like a little bit of a milestone, and I'm really grateful for those of you who are downloading and listening to the podcast. I hope that I'm able to provide some sort of support and encouragement for you, and I just want to give you lots of gratitude. Thank you for being here. This episode will be fun today, as I'm feeling compelled to simply chat with you for a bit about how happy and grateful I am to be single in this phase of my life and why I will always remain single. I've just had such a nice week spending extra time with my daughter, and it has got me thinking about this. She is single as well. She is about to turn 30, so she's a full-grown adult, and it's just been so wonderful, and that it's caused me some nice reflection that I hope to share with you. 17 years ago, after 14 years of marriage, I left married life behind to pursue a freer, healthier, more satisfying life experience. And I have never once regretted that decision. Mission accomplished. That doesn't mean it's been the easiest path at all times, or that I haven't had moments when I wished I had a capable, wonderful companion. But even when things are challenging, choice to remain single has allowed me to approach life intentionally and through the informed lens of my past experience, the hope and vision that I have for my future, and all guided by my own knowledge, wisdom, intuition, and instincts. I'm not always right, but I do always have my own back, and the intelligence and self-love and respect to ensure a safe, compassionate landing. And that ability has helped me build confidence and self-trust on levels I never reached as a married woman. I know that some of you listening are in the early stages of the divorce process and are worried about what it's going to mean for you to become single again after being in a long-term relationship. If you've never been on your own, maybe you married right out of high school or, you know, from your parents' house to your married house, um, or you've you have been on your own, but it's been many years. I know that it can feel very scary. And then some of you are in a place where you no longer want to be in your marriage, but you're hesitant to move forward with a divorce because you're afraid of how it will affect your children, of the possibility of having to move out of your house or the town you've been living in. Perhaps you're worried about experiencing loneliness on new levels or completely turned off at the thought of dating again. All very valid concerns. And I know that there are many other concerns that you are carrying that I can't even imagine. Only you have the answers you need to make the decisions you need to make in your life. No matter where you are or what your experience is, at the moment, just know that as strong and capable as you are, you are even more so than you think. All I'm hoping to do here is offer you some insight from my own experience and thoughts, and to show you that it is possible to love living outside of the traditional marital relationship. Some of you um might question that and wonder if that's true. Others are going, well, hell yeah, it is. I can already see it and feel it. Wherever you are, I hope this provides just a little bit of insight. So I'm gonna share with you the top three challenges I've faced as a single woman in mid midlife, and then I'll share the top three things I love about singlehood in midlife. Please keep in mind that these are my own experiences. Yours are gonna be completely different, and it's okay. So let's go. The biggest challenge for me as a midlife single woman single woman, I'm 56 now, post-marriage, has been financial. Making it in today's economy, where simple necessities we all know are extremely expensive, is a challenge for me personally on a single income. I was out of the workforce when I was married, and while I would not do that any different for many reasons, um if I had to do it all over again, it did make it more challenging for me to get back into the workforce with less experience as my peers. That's even true after going back to school and earning my degree. If you're concerned about your own financial situation post-marriage, I recommend talking to a financial professional so that you can know what to expect and come up with a strategy to ensure your financial security. I really wish I would have done this right out of the gate. It would have given me a stronger financial foundation going forward and an education too. Another one of my top three challenges has been loneliness. And this one really surprised me when I was thinking about what my top three challenges were because I love solitude and always have been very independent and happy on my own. Honestly, I have never felt more alone in my life though, than when I was married. It sucks to have a relationship, but realize you're still alone. Can any of you relate to that? But I do still experience loneliness, as we all do from time to time. It was not bad for the first few years following my divorce. I was so busy. I was in school, my daughter was still living with me, but when she left the nest, that's when things really changed for me. When I lost my purpose as a full-time parent, it left a huge hole in my existence, and I experienced a deep loneliness on a very intense level. I have one child, and there was no partner to go through that loss with alone. It was a real challenge for me to navigate the loneliness and loss of purpose after the chapter closed on my full-time parent raising a child phase. I love being a mom. I have a beautiful relationship with my daughter now, and it's a wonderful thing when the relationship with our children evolves as they become adults. Friendship grows and it is so powerful. I also suffered a lot at one point from relationship FOMO. You don't know what FOMO is, that just means fear of missing out. All of the friends I was making and all of the colleagues that I worked with were married and had these full lives surrounded by family, and for a while I allowed myself to entertain thoughts that made me feel like I was really missing out on something. And it was the root of almost all of my feelings of loneliness at the time. Once I resolved the thoughts from that ridiculous FOMO, I freed myself from the loneliness. That and actually dating for a while. I overcame the FOMO very quickly after trying to date, and I no longer feel any loneliness over not having a romantic relationship. Talk about liberty. Now that I now that I put my energy into friendships and relationships with family, and have done so have just I've done so much work to strengthen the relationship with myself, I have no desire for a romantic relationship. It simply no longer holds any value to me because I'm getting and giving all of the value I need to all of the healthy relationships I have. I've never felt more fulfilled in the relationship area of my life than I am now. That change is one that I consider to be one of my superpowers as a single woman in midlife, and I intend to continue to develop it and use it to build more connection and community. So even though I enjoy many moments of healthy solitude, when I get to feeling lonely, it simply means I need to find a way to connect with someone. My social life is pretty small and I like it that way. But that's all I need. It's all I need to erase feelings of loneliness is to just connect with someone in that tiny circle. That, and of course, time in nature. So the third biggest challenge I've had as a single woman in midlife has been carrying all of the burdens of a household on my own shoulders. It can be a lot. All the chores, shopping, cooking, cleaning, yard work, car issues, illness, oh, storm damage and power outages, spiders, all things home life related are all on my shoulders. Now, most of that is because for most of my post-divorce life, I've not lived close enough to my family who would be happy to help. And also because I am really terrible about asking for help. I talked about that hyper-independence on another episode and why it's such a bad trap. It's created little hardships for me that I didn't need to go through, and I'm working on it now. The people who love you have the capacity and are willing to help. You just have to ask and then be okay if for whatever reason the answer's no. But it's always no if you don't ask, right? Also set yourself up for success. Make life easier on yourself where you can so that the day-to-day burdens or the to-do lists are manageable. And by all means, find appreciation and gratitude that things are getting done right because you are the one doing them. You know what I mean? Okay, so those are my top three challenges of being single again in midlife. Now, here are my top three favorite things. Things I have developed and love to call superpowers, because why not? First up is the relationship with myself. Once on my own, I was free to take a good look at where I was with just me, and I had a ton of cleaning up to do, especially in myself talk. I'd gotten into a terrible habit of judging myself incredibly harshly and putting myself down all the time. But no more. Once I realized how abusive I was being to myself, I stopped. I decided to talk to myself and treat myself as a dear sweet friend. And once that became my new norm, I healed faster. I was more satisfied with life in general, and I learned so much about what I wanted in life and how important it was for me to make sure I always have more of what I need, more of what feeds my soul, and less garbage. It's almost like I had another divorce, this time from the monster in my head that expected perfection from me and was so mean. I was a people pleaser who was kind to everyone except me. I have since remedied both of those issues, and life is so much easier and sweeter. My self-love and kindness and self-worth is now a non-negotiable. And I grew in leaps and bounds when I made that my truth. This helped me create another huge win for me, another superpower available to all single women in midlife, including you. And this is increased confidence and self-trust. I'm combining those two because they play into each other completely. When you realize how well you manage life on your own and feel how great it can be to know that no matter what life throws at you, you love yourself so much that you will always have your own back and ensure your safety, security, and satisfaction, it deepens your self-trust and strengthens your confidence. I enjoy growth and expansion in my life. I'm someone who starts to suffer when things become stagnant. Having strong confidence in myself and trusting myself is what has allowed me to take risks for the sake of my growth, for the sake of deepening my knowledge and for the fun of making my own dreams come true. I'm always stretching myself and investing in myself. And I've learned to do so in such a way that I'm still protected and secure. I'm not perfect at it. I still allow fear and even some comfortable preferences and habits to hold me back from achieving the bigger, more intimidating dreams and goals, but that's okay. I work through things the best I can with the time and energy that I have. And finally, the third of the top three favorite things about midlife singlehood, and my favorite superpower of all has been claiming and utilizing my personal sovereignty. Freedom of autonomy has always been important for me to thrive. I've never been someone who needs to be told what to do or likes to be told what to do, but during the pandemic, you know, 2020, I got really curious about my entire belief system and what unspoken rules I was following and behaviors I was defaulting to that didn't really serve me. I realized that in many ways I was allowing others to be the authority on what was right or wrong in my mind, right? It was extremely satisfying to burn that all down, to listen to the voices of others who held opposite or just completely different opinions and stories than those I had long held to make it possible for me to totally reconstruct my own personal belief system. This is something that would have been very difficult for me to do had I still been married and somewhat accountable to someone else with whom I had to keep peace with and maintain a level of accountability to. I know there are a lot of women right now who have gone through a similar transformation over the last few years and are on the opposite side of their spouses now, politically, religiously, etc. And that must be very challenging. A spouse is someone we make vows with, and we all enter that relationship with a deep desire to support, love, and uplift each other. As a woman who no longer has a spouse, I found the freedom to think and believe and change my mind until I found my own truth. Absolutely exhilarating. This freedom is exhilarating to me. As I age and expand my life experience and wisdom, it's even more exhilarating. The freedom to exercise complete authority over the decisions I make in all areas of my life has made existence in this turbulent time in our world and in these here United States where I live feel doable and even, dare I say, hopeful. My sovereignty allows me to respond in ways that feel aligned with my values and utilize the confidence I've gained in ways that are healthy and come from a place of power and love. My married friends have to carefully navigate differences with their spouses who may not be on the same page or open to change. This is why I call singlehood a superpower and why it's so important that to me I use my superpowers to bring love, support, and comfort to those I love, my community. And I'm not saying that the married women are wrong or anything like that. Of course not. This podcast is about singlehood and owning it and loving it. So that is where my what I view everything, the lens I view things through. The sovereignty makes my free time my own. Through my daughter, I have met much younger women who are single, as she is, and the work they do in their communities for those in need is absolutely humbling. It's made me a better person. In a world where the temperature around women's rights is all over the place, and voices of people who believe a woman's worth is only in how good of a wife she is and how many children she has has currently been emboldened and loud. These young women are giving those who criticize their choices to remain unmarried and childless a huge middle finger. And then they're getting to work in their communities. The compassion and dedication is unmatched. And I grew up in a Christian church that claimed to be top-notch at providing charity. I have not seen any organization hold a candle to these women who give their free time, their talents, and their energy to support the underprivileged and vulnerable in their community. These women are not wasting time worrying about what anyone thinks about them. They are truly sovereign and stunning examples of what single women contribute to the world. I know all women are great contributors, but singlehood gives us a little more time. Sometimes everybody's different. This is why I call singlehood a superpower. And as we reach midlife, our wisdom and skill set amplify that big time. Your circumstance may not be one that affords community service. So this is not meant to promote it or shame you for not doing it. Because if all you ever do with your sovereignty is strengthen and love on yourself, that's a win. So as we come to the end of this conversation today, I want to leave you with this. If you are single in midlife by choice, by circumstance, or somewhere in between, you're not behind or broken or missing anything essential. You are in a powerful season of becoming. Whether you're standing in the uncertainty of divorce, or quietly questioning a life that no longer fits, or fully claiming the freedom of singlehood, there is so much available to you here: wisdom, strength, autonomy, and a depth of self-connection that can only come from living your life on your own terms. Singlehood is not a cute little consolation prize. It's not a waiting room. It is not something to justify, defend, or someday outgrow. It can be a deeply fulfilling, expansive, and meaningful way to live, especially in midlife, when you finally have the perspective to know what you will and will not tolerate, what feeds your soul, and what truly matters to you. And if all you ever do with this season is learn to love yourself more deeply and trust yourself more fully and relish your own company with peace, that is more than enough. That is success. And finally, a reminder that I have a little gift for you. Something in today's episode resonated with you. If you felt seen, validated, or maybe even a little empowered, I created something just for you. It's the Over the Moon Manifesto, Seven Shifts for Women Reclaiming Their Sovereignty After 50, and it's an invitation to step fully into your sovereignty, to release the old stories about what a woman's life is supposed to look like, and to claim your right to design a life that feels authentic, nourishing, and free. It's completely complimentary. My intention is for it to be a declaration of self-trust, autonomy, and unapologetic self love. And my hope is that it feels like both a permission slip if you need such a thing, and a companion as you walk your own path. You can download the manifesto from the link in the show notes, and I truly hope it serves you as a reminder of who you are, how Capable you are, and just how powerful this season of your life can be. So thank you for spending this time with me, Sovereign Sister. Wherever you are on your journey, know that you are not alone, that you are deeply capable, and that you are 100% worthy of a life that feels expansive and enjoyable. Until next time, stay sovereign. There's so much love for you here. Thank you for listening to today's show. I truly hope you found some value in the conversation, and if so, please subscribe so you don't miss a thing. Also, if you know someone who's going through midlife divorce and feeling worried about what's next, please share this podcast with her. Let's build a community of strong single women who are ready to create our best phase of life yet. To support you on this journey, I've also put together a 12-week pathway called Single and Over the Moon. It's how you and I will work together, one-on-one, for 12 impactful weeks so that you can go deep about what it is you truly desire for yourself now and explore how claiming your power is the wise and sovereign woman you are will help you shift to a trajectory that will land you where you want to be. It all begins with a complimentary strategy session, which you can book at overthemoon.life. That's overthemoon.life. I cannot wait to meet you. So until next time, remember becoming single after 50 is not a setback. It's an absolute superpower that you can claim to create a life that has you over the moon.