Episode #11 - Embodied Confidence: Rebuilding Self Trust After Divorce

Spring is here, and with it comes a season of growth, expansion, and bold self‑expression—exactly the energy we’re tapping into this month as we explore Embodied Confidence. Whether your confidence feels strong or a little shaken after divorce, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate path back to yourself.

Drawing from the mid‑spring energy of visibility and renewal, Angela invites you to step into the audacity of the dandelion—small, bright, and wildly unstoppable. 

 In this conversation, you’ll learn how to use one of your greatest sovereign superpowers—curiosity—to gently unravel the thoughts that dim your confidence and reconnect with the truth of your worth. 

If you’re ready to feel more grounded, more courageous, and more connected to yourself, this episode will meet you with warmth, sovereignty, and sisterhood. 

Stay wild and wise, sovereign sister—and may this episode offer you the confidence to bloom exactly where you are.

Learn how you can work with Angela at https://www.overthemoon.life/.  It's time to create a life that is unapologetically your own! 

Download your free copy of The Over the Moon Manifesto: 7 Shifts for Women Reclaiming Their Sovereignty After 50 here: https://subscribepage.io/TheOvertheMoonManifesto 

Transcript

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Welcome to Single Sovereign and Over the Moon, the podcast for women celebrating the freedom of singlehood after 50. I'm your host, Angela Links, holistic life coach and sovereignty strategist. To be sovereign means owning your power and claiming the authority to be the director of your life, your choices, and your future. And when divorce money and any long-term relationship as you single and mid-life, it's a beautiful opportunity to realign and write your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilling chapter yeah. Because becoming single after 50 isn't a simple. Here we get to reimagine what it means to be this season of life. Support one another and ultimately define what it means to be single, sovereign, and women in love with the rest of your life. Hello, my sovereign sisters. Thank you for taking the time to be here today. I appreciate you so much and hope you are doing well and taking magnificent care of yourselves. If you're listening in real time, we are in April, which puts those of us in the Northern Hemisphere right full on into spring. I come to you from the Pacific Northwest where trees are blooming like crazy, tulips and other spring flowers are everywhere, and the days are getting warmer and longer. The midspring energy that is happily on offer for us in this season includes growth, confidence, expansion, visibility, and self-expression. And in keeping in alignment with nature and the seasons, as I love to do, our theme for the month of April is embodied confidence. I think confidence is definitely a spring energy. Think of the audacity of those beautiful, sunshiny little dandelions peeking up so boldly and confidently everywhere, whether people love them there or not. As always, if you're listening to this in another season or time frame, it's okay. Please stick around because it's always a great time to have a conversation about confidence, especially following a divorce when it could be bruised and feeling a bit fragile. Even if you're a person who considers yourself very confident, divorce after 50 does have the potential to rock your confidence in ways you didn't see coming. Confidence is something that seems to either blossom and expand in the middle phase of life or shake a little here and there as we realize how much our culture has largely been designed to undervalue women as we age. But I dare to feel hopeful because I think that's changing. Women are standing up against it in such an encouraging and empowering way. And it's such a pleasure to include my own little voice here among the voices of these bold, wise women who are ignoring that ridiculous narrative, embracing and honoring the aging process and the sovereignty that comes from choosing to remain single after a divorce, daring to be visible, and deciding to make this the most fulfilling phase of life yet. If you're there too, let's celebrate that and get louder. There are women who are struggling and need to borrow your strength and hear your voice. If you're one of the women who are struggling because of the tired narratives that make you question your worth as a single woman or as a single woman specifically 50 and beyond, please find a way to believe that your worth and value to your loved ones and your community is non-negotiable and absolutely unquestionable. I'm only one voice, and we don't know each other, but I truly hope something I say here today will plant some seeds for you so that you can grow into the confidence of knowing how powerful and necessary you are, and join other voices in uplifting more women, if you wish. We've got too much to experience, right? Too much growth and expansion and beauty and life to experience, to waste our time worrying about the bullshit of ageism and misogyny. But I'm aware that these are some there are some of us that are hearing the voice of our patriarchal culture or feeling the vibes of discrimination and ageism and are feeling less confidence about their place in the world because of it. Sometimes becoming single again on top of everything else, those narratives, can magnify them because I think there's sometimes a sense of built-in protection from the ageism and misogyny when women are married or in relationships. In some ways, and not all, and I'm not saying every married woman experiences this, but it can be easier for married women sometimes to stay in the protection bubble of their marriage where they do still feel valued and have purpose and hopefully even feel cherished by their spouse. If you're single now, chances are that was not the case for you in your marriage anyway, but it does not mean that you can't create that same protection for yourself and benefit from the loving relationship of a cherished loved one, you. You can be that for yourself, and it can create every bit of that safety, security, and wonderful validation as a good partnership, maybe even more so, and in a deeper, more all-encompassing way than when it comes from someone outside of you. This episode is meant to validate your feelings if you're feeling a crack in your confidence and offer you a healthier, truer option to that tired societal narrative and a great big boost of love, sisterhood, and support, and maybe even a little shot of confidence. Regaining confidence that has been shaken or shattered by divorce in the heart of your life can be a challenge. So I'm approaching this topic very gently with patience and compassion. Judgment is not helpful here, so we're replacing it with one of our single sovereign and over-the-moon superpowers, and that superpower is curiosity. Your curiosity is a valuable superpower to employ any time you come up against something that feels uncomfortable and even painful or scary, like losing confidence. It's too easy to start to feel ashamed that you don't feel the confidence you want to, or that you once did in any area of your life, that you're noticing you don't feel it or don't have it. It's different for everyone. Some feel a little less confident as a now single parent of children who are approaching or have reached adulthood. Some don't feel confident as the sole breadwinner, or in their career field, or even in their friendship groups and communities. Or they no longer feel confident in their ability to live in the way they've always hoped to after retirement. And here's a big one: the very idea of dating again. And again, everyone's different, but if you're experiencing new feelings of overwhelm in areas in your life where you once felt pretty confident, curiosity is one of the tools that will help you out of that overwhelm and get you back on solid ground and feeling confident again. Curiosity is a strong, safe first step in regaining confidence because it allows you to feel your feelings without judgment. Feelings like overwhelm. And it will reveal the thoughts behind those feelings. When those thoughts are identified and questioned, a little bit of confidence can shine through as the overwhelm that is caused by lost confidence begins to clear. Curiosity will help you take the area of your life you're feeling a lack of confidence in or the situation you're experiencing and require your mind to make that experience neutral. It's not good, not bad, not positive, not negative, just a neutral fact, a neutral thing. Do you understand what that means and why it's so powerfully helpful to you? Can you see how having the ability to view a circumstance as neutral rather than good or bad will give you the opportunity to step back and get your footing? When I talk about the sovereign superpowers of single women, curiosity is a big one. And here's why. As soon as you can step back from a situation that you are not feeling confident about, that has you feeling overwhelmed or uneasy or even insecure, and look through the lens of curiosity, you gain the power to see the situation as being separate from yourself. It's not tied to your identity. It isn't anything that you need to feel ashamed of or bad about. It's just a neutral circumstance that you can observe. Let's use the example of dating. I know not all of you are interested in romantic relationships anymore. I am right there with you, but there are many of you who are. This is a hot topic for those who are, or who may be on the fence about it, and it's a really easy example to make my point. So if dating is something that you really would like to do, but the thought is overwhelming, and you notice that when you think about the logistics like the experience of online dating, is it safe? Is it going to be worth the effort? What is the dating pool going to look like now? Do you want to date just for fun or are you looking for a long-term relationship again? If those things feel too overwhelming to approach and figure out, and you realize you lack some confidence around any aspect of dating again, having the ability to step back and make it neutral, not scary, not exciting, can help you land confidently on an actual dating strategy that makes you feel safe and confident enough to go forward into that experience that you're really wanting to have again. So let's give this a try in real time here. Are you with me? If dating is not something you're interested in or concerned about, fill in the blanks for anything that has you feeling a lack of confidence right now. This process works just the same for anything. Also, if it feels weird or a little clunky, that's okay. It just takes a little practice and time and open-mindedness, but I promise you it's worth it if you stick with it. No one's forcing you to do anything here, so take it or leave it. It's really just up to you, and I hope that you can find some value in it. Okay, so the first thing to do is name the circumstance in a way that makes it a completely neutral subject. You'll know it's neutral if it's purely factual and can't be questioned. So let's use the phrase I can date. And then ask yourself, is that true? Can you date? And if not, or if any feelings come up, then it's not neutral enough. So pick another one. And maybe it's just gonna simply be the word dating. Let's let's go with that. Now write down all of your thoughts about the word dating. Some people call this a brain dump or a thought dump or a thought download, but the purpose of it is to give you the chance to look at your thoughts, to actually see them on paper and outside of your mind, and then notice your initial feelings as you're writing them down and then read through them. If it feels alright, you can even take the time to notice where you experience your feelings about those thoughts in your body as you are releasing them onto paper. Because our bodies are so very much aware of what's going on in our mind, even when we're not. Now we want to keep things simple and digestible. So just choose one of your thoughts. This seems to be the most um impactful, I guess. You can even write it down again to separate it from the others, maybe put it at the top of your page. Sometimes it helps to repeat it in your head or say it out loud. And then next, list the strongest feelings that that thought creates, and then stick stick with one. Again, keep it simple and concise, and remember that your feelings are always valid, and they may not be what you are wanting to experience. The beauty of this whole process is that if you can identify the thought that is creating that uncomfortable feeling, is keeping you from having the confidence to do something you really want to do, you're not only deepening your self-awareness, but you've just handed yourself the reins. You have just remembered your sovereignty and that you have the personal authority to think in a way that is more honest and that serves your desires. Because here's a fact: you can choose another thought. You're the one in charge of your brain, and you're the one who has the power and authority to strengthen your own ability to create thoughts that serve you and your desires and your greater purpose. Thoughts that are more true and that are loving, empowering, and creative, and that build your confidence rather than tear it down. And all you have to do is notice how you are feeling, employ your curiosity superpower, decide how you want to move forward, and choose a thought that will get you there. A true strengthening, empowering thought. Once you identify your thoughts and the feelings they evoke, you'll notice how they affect your behavior and your outcomes. For instance, if they make you sweat bullets every time the topic of dating comes up, you'll probably avoid any action that will lead to a date. But if the topic makes you smile and feel eager to jump in, you'll download the apps and be on your way. So as you can see, your thoughts have the power to give or take when it comes to confidence, but you have the power to manage, question, and recreate your thoughts so that they support what you want and give you the confidence to move towards it. The confidence with which you approach things in your life can have a real impact on your level of happiness, overall happiness, and inner peace, and even fun. Sometimes you need to just have enough confidence in yourself and in the ability to trust yourself so that you can conjure up courage when necessary. Then that same courage can turn, in turn, strengthen your confidence again. The point I'm trying to make, and I I hope I'm being clear, I know this kind of um, as I say all of this, I hope I'm not being confusing. But the point I'm trying to make is that if you find yourself impacted by a lack of confidence, it is affecting your ability to embrace your solo life experience the way you'd like to, it's very normal. You're not broken, it's okay. It does not need to hold you back, however. And recognizing that you are experiencing a lack of confidence and allowing yourself to be curious about the thoughts that got you there is a powerful move that will strengthen your self-awareness and your relationship with yourself. A total power move. A strong relationship with yourself comes as you nurture self-trust and as you begin to embody confidence. It doesn't mean you're never scared or that you're weak when something makes you feel vulnerable and you end up holding back when you wish you could move forward. But it can mean that it's easier to find courage and to allow vulnerability to exist while you do the scary thing anyway. Becoming single again after 50 can feel very scary. That's a thought that might run through your mind, but you are the one that gets to decide if that thought will take hold or if you'd like to choose a healthier, more empowering thought. Because even though it can create many complex challenges, becoming single again after 50 is also incredibly freeing and peaceful and fun and anything you want it to be. So many new possibilities are open to you now. As we close today, I want to remind you that nothing we talked about requires you to be fearless or perfectly confident or ready for anything. It only requires your willingness to be curious, to notice your thoughts, honor your feelings, and stay in relationship with yourself as you move forward. Embodied confidence is built quick, sometimes very quietly, always very lovingly, one choice at a time, as self-trust deepens and sovereignty becomes something you live rather than something you strive for. This is the foundation of the work that I guide women through inside my 12-week program, where curiosity and courage and confidence are practiced and embodied over time in a deeply supportive container. And then here's something exciting that I'd like to announce. I'm going to be creating an upcoming workshop that will offer you a powerful introduction to this work, to this 12-week program. So more on that soon. I'll have more details on that. But it's gonna be fun and free, and I can't wait to tell you more about it. So until next time, remember this becoming single again after 50 does not diminish you. It opens the door to a life that can be as peaceful, expansive, and fulfilling as you choose to make it. Stay wild and wise, my sovereign sisters. May you experience as many over the moon moments as possible until we meet again. Thank you for listening to today's show. I truly hope you found some value in the conversation, and if so, please subscribe so you don't miss a thing. Also, if you know someone who's going through a midlife divorce and feeling worried about what's next, please share this podcast with her. Let's build a community of strong single women who are ready to create our best phase of life yet. To support you on this journey, I've also put together a 12-week pathway called Single and Over the Moon. It's how you and I will work together, one-on-one, for 12 impactful weeks, so that you can go deep about what it is you truly desire for yourself now and explore how claiming your power is the wise and sovereign woman you are will help you shift to a trajectory that will land you where you want to be. It all begins with a complimentary strategy session, which you can book at overthemoon.life. That's overthemoon.life. I cannot wait to meet you. So until next time, remember, becoming single after 50 is not a setback. It's an absolute superpower that you can claim to create a life that has you over the moon.