Episode # 12 -Decision Fatigue After Divorce: How to Stop Overthinking and Make Confident Decisions

 In this episode, we explore why decision fatigue hits so hard after divorce—and how to break the cycle of overthinking so you can make clear, self‑sourced choices again. You’ll learn what decision fatigue really is, why it’s amplified in midlife transitions, and how curiosity becomes a powerful tool for rebuilding confidence. I’ll also share a simple 3‑question check‑in and a light 5‑day challenge to help you practice making aligned decisions with ease. If you’re ready to reclaim your inner authority one small choice at a time, this one’s for you. 

Also, here is the link to the article I share with you on decision fatigue: https://www.ama-assn.org/public-health/behavioral-health/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-decision-fatigue

Learn how you can work with Angela at https://www.overthemoon.life/.  It's time to create a life that is unapologetically your own! 

Download your free copy of The Over the Moon Manifesto: 7 Shifts for Women Reclaiming Their Sovereignty After 50 here: https://subscribepage.io/TheOvertheMoonManifesto 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Single, Sovereign and Over the Moon, the podcast for women celebrating the freedom of singlehood after 50. I'm your host, Angela Winks, holistic life coach and sovereignty strategist. To be sovereign means owning your power and claiming the authority to be the director of your life, your choices, and your future. And when divorced by the end of any long-term relationship has you single in midlife, it's a beautiful opportunity to realign and write your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilling chapter yet. Because becoming single after 50 isn't a setback, it's a superpower. Here we get to reimagine what it means to flourish in this season of life. Join me as we build a strong community of women who embrace their independence, support one another, and boldly define what it means to be single, sovereign, and award in love with the rest of your life. Hello, my sovereign sisters. I've got a great episode for you today, so I'm thrilled that you're here. And first, I want you to know that I really appreciate you listening, and I truly hope this episode finds you well, and that if something I offer today resonates with you, that you will feel validation and encouragement that you can take with you. I want to be a supportive and encouraging and empowering voice. In the last episode, I introduced our theme for the month, which is embodied confidence. We talked about how easy it is to lose confidence and self-trust after going through a divorce that has you single again in midlife. And we named curiosity as one of your top superpowers as sovereign women, exploring your own thoughts, identifying those that may be shaking your confidence and making you feel down or overwhelmed, and how finding new and more supportive and honest thoughts through curiosity will boost your confidence and put you back in the driver's seat of your mind and your feelings. Nurturing and boosting your self-awareness is a potent step in rebuilding self-trust after divorce and in setting yourself up for a single life built on inner peace and purpose. One that is full of meaningful experiences that promote and embrace joy and delightful personal expansion and many, many over-the-moon moments. Today I want to take that conversation a little deeper by exploring another sovereign superpower that both builds and requires confidence, and that is the ability to make clean, self-sourced decisions. It is estimated that we make around 35,000 decisions each day. Can you believe that? Have you ever thought then about what a useful skill, clean decision making, is? The ability to make decisions that are informed by your self-awareness and that support your sovereignty and are aligned with your desires can not only help you clear up loops of overthinking and overwhelm, but can also set you up for a whole lot of best case scenarios. But on the flip side, if you've ever experienced indecision and struggled just to make the simple decision of what to have for dinner, you know how frustrating that can be. So let's talk a bit about indecisiveness, specifically why going through a divorce can deplete your capacity for a time to make clean and clear decisions and cause this indecisiveness. I'm gonna start with something called decision fatigue. This is a term I'm hearing a lot lately, and maybe you are too. So I decided to find an official description for the sake of our conversation today. I did some Googling and found that the American Medical Association provides a great definition on their website. Decision fatigue is a state of mental overload that can impede a person's ability to continue making decisions. So circling back to the fact that we make an average of 35,000 big and little decisions every day, and adding on the mental and emotional overload of going through a divorce, it's easy to make the connection as to why the process of divorce or the end of any long-term relationship can contribute to decision fatigue. The article I found is called What Doctors Wish Patients Knew About Decision Fatigue. I've put a link to it in the show notes. It's a short little read, it's really good. It's just an excellent, excellent little article that includes insights from a medical doctor named Lisa McLean, who is a psychiatrist and chief wellness officer at Henry Ford Health in Detroit. She explains how decision fatigue is a product of mental and emotional fatigue, and that the more decisions you have to make in your day, the heavier your emotional load gets, and the more fatigue you develop. She also mentions that the events we are experiencing as a whole in the world, and especially at this time, add additional stress and anxiety to our personal lives, right? We're all feeling that, and can can impact our ability to make quick, confident decisions with outcomes that serve your best interest. So on top of all the things that can create decision fatigue, or even just straight up indecision, facing life on your own again in this season of life can be another factor. Whether you are contemplating divorce, going through it now, or just on the other side of it, ending a relationship that isn't or wasn't working after years of holding it together is extremely emotionally exhausting and requires a huge range of great and small decisions to be made. So it's completely understandable to develop indecisiveness. And here are a few reasons why decision fatigue can hit harder after divorce. First, you're used to factoring in someone else's preferences, and you may have spent years minimizing your own needs as a result. If you think about it, how often did you minimize your own needs when making big or small decisions throughout your relationship? And there are many reasons why we do this, and it's not always harmful to us. Sometimes we do this because we want the other person to have it their way, maybe because they need whatever it is more than we do, and we're more than happy to accommodate because it feels good and it doesn't hurt us in any way. Other times it is harmful, such as when we need to make whatever decision will keep us emotionally or physically safe, even though it's not the choice we want to make. Minimizing your needs in this way can lead to a habit of ignoring your needs and your desires when making decisions. But the good news is that you can absolutely break that habit and allow your needs and desires to inform your decisions and be met. If you had to regularly put your needs aside and make decisions that were not exactly what you truly wanted, be compassionate with yourself now. There are many reasons women do this, and the last thing you need to feel is like you did anything wrong because your reasons were valid. Another reason why decision fatigue can be amplified after a divorce is the mental shift you're likely going through as you move from a collaborative or contested decision-making environment into a solo one. You're not being contested anymore, you're not collaborating anymore. Suddenly the result of every decision is all on you, which can feel heavy at times, even though it also feels really good most of the time. It might even create a fear of making the wrong decision because it can feel a little more high stakes when you have to face the consequences of your decisions alone. Another reason is that your identity is shifting. A few episodes back we talked about releasing old identities and roles and narratives to make way for more aligned and autonomous ones in this single and sovereign season. This identity shift may cause your internal reference points to feel unclear. But you'll get there. It may not feel like it yet, but you are in a strong position to create and sharpen those personal reference points and identify your preferences, which will allow clearer thoughts and cleaner decision making, because you'll become more and more clear on exactly what you want. When decision fatigue impacts your ability to make decisions as confidently as you would like to, it can bring on feelings of frustration and overwhelm that creates the next speed bump, which is overthinking. Overthinking is something that a lot of women I talk to contend with, especially when faced with big decisions. There are many reasons why we overthink, but please hear me when I say this. If you find yourself in the habit of overthinking everything and going around and around in circles when faced with an important decision, it is not a personal flaw. What has happened is that the overthinking has become a protective habit, nothing to be harshly judged about, a protective habit that puts off making a difficult decision or even not so difficult decision. You may not realize it, but by overthinking and exploring every option and every pro and con over and over again, you are protecting yourself from making the decision and potentially facing uncomfortable consequences as a result. But you are also keeping yourself from the gift of experiencing positive consequences and enjoying the result of making a strong, clear decision that sets you up for success or creates a circumstance that has you feeling over the moon. And I get it, nobody wants to make careless decisions. We can't afford to, especially now that every decision you make is your own, and that can come with a sense of added weight. And there may also be fear lurking around caused by diminished self-trust. Because way back when you made the decision however long ago to marry your spouse, to live in your marriage however you did with the best of hopes and intentions, and still ended up divorced. Sometimes that can cause you to think that maybe you can't trust yourself. Even if your spouse was unbearable and you left to be free from that, so many women still feel a hint of shame or guilt that steals their confidence. I know I say this a lot and I don't want it to start to sound cliche or for it to lose its potency. So please take it seriously and personally when I say this is nothing to be ashamed of or for you to beat yourself up about. You have nothing but potential and the ability to change any personal learned or programmed behavior you desire to change. So let's talk about a couple things you can try to ease the loop of overthinking and indecisiveness, and also find some relief from decision fatigue so you can become a confident decision maker. First, we're looping back to last episode's topic and superpower, curiosity. Curiosity interrupts overthinking because it shifts you out of fear and into exploration. That's its beauty. It interrupts overthinking, shifts you out of fear, puts you into exploration. Curiosity will help you explore your options and give you the freedom to ask, what if I just try this? This is such a powerful question to ask yourself because it removes judgment from the decision-making process and shines a light on the fact that whatever choice you make will be alright. Your curiosity will remind you that most of the time there is some wiggle room because you can make another choice if you want to, if that one didn't work out. You'll make the best of the outcome and learn something about yourself that maybe you were unaware of before or that you have forgotten, which reduces the emotional weight of certain decisions. And most importantly, curiosity keeps you from spiraling into self-judgment, blame, and shame. There is no room for self-cruelty. You are too brilliant for that. So here's a super simple tool to help interrupt dis indecision using curiosity that is not overwhelming or cluttered, that can help clear the way for you so that you can focus on and decide on what is best for you. It's an easy little three question check-in sequence that you can use when you're feeling a bit stuck that will help you determine what really matters in the moment. So here are the three little questions. What do I want right now? What feels doable? And what would support me today? These three clarifying questions help you focus on the moment and can act as a starting point for the bigger decisions that are part of your big picture. So think taking, think of it as a baby step. And if you want to come up with three of your own questions that resonate more with you or fit the decision you're making more adequately, please do so. But something simple and easy to remember is best for helping in the moment. Just don't overthink them. It's most likely that these initial questions will act as the starting point for deeper questions that will come along through the decision-making process. So here they are once again. What do I want right now? What feels doable? What would support me today? So now for a fun little challenge. Over the next five days, pick a small decision each day and try it out to see what happens. So, some examples of decisions you might have to make, what to eat, what to wear, how to spend the next 10 minutes, whether to say yes or no to a small request. And try to have fun with it. Keep it light and easy and see what you can learn about yourself. There's no right or wrong. Pay attention, this is important, to how this simple little exercise helps you build some confidence through the repetition of it. So try it every day. The repetition is important and the curiosity is important. See if you can catch yourself overthinking. And if you do, take a deep breath to connect with your body, refocus, and ask the question again. Above all, this isn't meant to put any pressure on you. It's just a fun experiment. And the point is to gain some personal insight and confidence as you sharpen your decision-making skills. Trust that they are there. As you move through the rest of your day, I want you to remember this. Your ability to make clear, self-sourced decisions is not something you lost in your marriage or through the process of your divorce. It's something that's been waiting for you to reclaim it. It's there. Every small choice you make with curiosity, compassion, and presence is a vote for the woman you are becoming. It's not necessary or beneficial to rush or force your way into confidence in your decision making. You're meant to grow into it through just simple, gentle experimentation and honest self-awareness, and the willingness to trust yourself again. So take these three questions with you. Try the five-day challenge, and let each tiny decision be a reminder that you are capable, you are sovereign, and you are building a life that is aligned with who you truly are and what you truly desire. Please know that I'm cheering for you as you practice, explore, and stand strong in your next level of embodied confidence. So stay wild and wise, my sovereign sister. May you experience as many over the moon moments as your heart desires until we meet again. Thank you for listening to today's show. I truly hope you found some value in the conversation, and if so, please subscribe so you don't miss a thing. Also, if you know someone who's going through midlife divorce and feeling worried about what's next, please share this podcast with her. Let's build a community of strong single women who are ready to create our best phase of life yet. To support you on this journey, I've also put together a 12-week pathway called Single and Over the Moon. It's how you and I will work together, one-on-one, for 12 impactful weeks so that you can go deep about what it is you truly desire for yourself now and explore how claiming your power is the wise and sovereign woman you are will help you shift to a trajectory that will land you where you want to be. It all begins with a complimentary strategy session, which you can book at overthemoon.life. That's overthemoon.life. I cannot wait to meet you. So until next time, remember, becoming single after 50 is not a setback. It's an absolute superpower that you can claim to create a life that has you over the moon.