Episode #14 - Spaciousness: Another Sovereign Superpower for Single Women

 In this episode, we explore spaciousness as a powerful support for embodied joy, inner peace, and sovereign living. You’ll learn how spaciousness helps you hold both the good and the hard, regulate your nervous system, reconnect with your inner authority, and design a life that actually feels good to live—right in the middle of your real, beautiful, complicated life. A grounding, compassionate reminder that you are allowed to take up space, feel good, and build a life that supports you from the inside out. 

Learn how you can work with Angela at https://www.overthemoon.life/.  It's time to create a life that is unapologetically your own! 

Download your free copy of The Over the Moon Manifesto: 7 Shifts for Women Reclaiming Their Sovereignty After 50 here: https://subscribepage.io/TheOvertheMoonManifesto 

Transcript

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Welcome to Single, Sovereign and Over the Moon, the podcast for women celebrating the freedom of singlehood after 50. I'm your host, Angela Winks, holistic life coach and sovereignty strategist. To be sovereign means owning your power and claiming the authority to be the director of your life, your choices, and your future. And when divorced by the end of any long-term relationship has you single in midlife, it's a beautiful opportunity to realign and write your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilling chapter yet. Because becoming single after 50 isn't a setback, it's a superpower. Here we get to reimagine what it means to forge in this season of life. Join me as we build a strong community of women who embrace their independence, support one another, and ultimately what it means to be single, sovereign, and everyone in love with the rest of your life. Hello, my sovereign sisters. It's been a few weeks since the last episode, but you all have been listening to the prior episodes and seeing the podcast grow over these last few weeks. I've been keeping track of it, of course, and seeing it grow has been a huge bright spot in my life. It keeps me motivated to continue sharing my work, my thoughts, and the hard-earned wisdom that I've gathered as a happily single and sovereign woman. And I just want to say thank you, and that I'm so grateful to you for listening. And I'm so happy to be back with you, and I'm excited to talk about this week's topic. So before we step into today's conversation, I want to take a minute to remind us of where we've been in this podcast journey together so far, especially since it has been a few weeks since the last episode. So that episode was number 13. We talked about joy as a sovereign choice. Not something you wait for, not something you earn by being good or perfect, but something you cultivate from the inside out as a wonderful sense of inner peace, as a support beam for rebuilding and reimagining your new single sovereign life. We explored the difference between pleasure, happiness, and that deeper, steady joy that comes from alignment with your desires and personal values in this season of life, from truth and honesty in your thinking habits and your self-talk, and that beautiful sovereign superpower of personal authority and self-trust. And we named also the myths that keep so many single women from choosing joy in midlife, or I think a better word even than choosing is allowing it. Oftentimes it's there, we don't, you know, but but we're afraid to allow it. And especially after something like divorce or any major jarring life transition. So if you haven't listened to that episode yet, I give I invite you to do so when you have the chance. But if you don't want to, that's fine too. So here's the part I want to bring forward with us today. When we define joy as an underlying deep inner peace, it's important to consider that it only becomes realized and felt once you can embody it. And that means you become consistent at moving it out of your head and into your daily rhythms. It stops being an idea or a wish and becomes a way of living, a supported way of moving through your life. Because embodied joy isn't about chasing high moments, right? Joy is an emotion of intense delight, but it's also deeper than that. It's about allowing those delightful emotions when they arise, acknowledging them, and understanding that it's okay to feel good even when things aren't as you would like them to be. It's about designing a life that actually feels good to live. On an ordinary Tuesday, in the middle of your real responsibilities, with your real history, your real body, your real desires. And that means right smack in the middle of really harsh experiences and rough waters in life that seem to cons just constantly pull you back down under the surface. And it's hard to catch your breath or even to ever feel like you'll be stable and okay again. This is why joy is so different than happiness, which is also beautiful. But joy is something that still exists when happiness seems out of the question or even inappropriate for the moment. It's more of a sweet inner peace that you feel when everything sucks, but you know you'll be alright eventually. You have enough self-trust to know that you've got your own back no matter what, and that knowing keeps you going forward, not merely on hope or faith, although those could have a place, but more on your sovereign commitment to yourself to keep going, to keep believing that you are in the driver's seat and able and to and able to compassionately, lovingly ensure that you're doing the best you can for yourself with the energy and capacity that you have. So today we're building on that foundation. If last episode was about reclaiming joy and nurturing it, well, this episode is about shaping a life that supports that joy and that inner peace, a life that feels nourishing instead of depleting, spacious instead of overwhelming, genuine rather than performative. A life that truly supports your nervous system, your values, your season and the phase that you're in, your health, your desires, your relationships, and of course, your sovereignty. This is where joy becomes felt. This is where it becomes sustainable. This is where it becomes a strategy for living by design, not just the feeling you hope shows up, right? So sometimes I don't like the word joy because it feels overused or cliched or somehow tied to religion. So let's move beyond its typical use. Let's explore together what it actually means to design a life that feels good. First, we need to acknowledge that a life that feels good is not a perfect life of happiness all the time, consisting of endlessly easy solutions. But those moments do exist and they truly deserve to be relished and celebrated in however big or small of a way you want. We so often give the bulk of our attention to the experiences that do not feel good to us or that we don't have any control over or answers to in the moment, that we end up not giving enough attention or credit to the moments that do feel good and provide us some peace or humor or that sweet sense of well-being. So, what I want to offer you is that if you really want to intentionally design a life that has an underlying feeling of well-being, that I mean, and who doesn't, right? That still allows you to experience and sustain inner peace where there is outer conflict and stress and worry and fear, you must give equal attention, maybe even more attention, to the good moments and hold them as sacred signs that not everything is out of control and hard and overwhelming. This is not gaslighting yourself or faking it until you make it. This is allowing space in your mind and body to recognize and feel what is working well for you, what is going on around you that does feel peaceful and good and nourishing, and what keeps you balanced, even if that balance feels a little bit like a teeter-totter sometimes, right? This spaciousness is what will help you protect your peace and your sense of well-being. Spaciousness is one of my personal values. It's something I know I need to feel fully in my autonomy, which is another one of my personal values, as you know. Freedom of autonomy is an essential superpower for all sovereign single women. Opening your mind to welcome the spaciousness necessary to hold the good in life with the not so good is a skill that may take time to develop and some patience, but once it does, boom, there's another superpower you've just given yourself that will help you create a life you love, a life that honors and strengthens your body, your bandwidth, your boundaries, and your inner peace. So, how do you develop and strengthen your ability to become comfortable and familiar with spaciousness and natural at implementing it? Well, first I think it's really fun to simply think about what spaciousness feels like to you. So imagine yourself somewhere that you like to be. Maybe it's a forest or a meadow or a park or even your favorite chair in your favorite room in your house. Maybe it's your car. Then picture all of the space around you, starting from exactly where you are. Allow yourself to begin panning out to notice all the things around you that are taking up space, and then go farther and farther away from where you are, and then pan out some more. Let your imagination reach and visualize what is within a mile of you, all around you, above and below. Now go four miles from you, and more and more, from your town to your county, to your region, the hemisphere in which you live, all of Mother Earth, and now all the way to the moon and beyond. Now let yourself, you, fill that space. Imagine yourself growing and expanding, filling all the space around you, and then letting that space fill all of you in a way that feels safe and warm and loving and expansive and beautiful and welcoming. How does this make you feel? Does it feel a little scary and unknown? Or does it feel a little wild and free? Do you see how this spaciousness connects you to the world and people and nature around you, the universe? Think about that and about how it also connects you to the deepest and highest parts of yourself, your capacity, your strengths, what's possible for you. When you're going through something very difficult, it is extremely easy to become consumed by it, to the point that it becomes a challenge to see beyond it, which, as you know, because we've all experienced this, can completely eclipse your ability to find solutions, to get you out of it, or to explore safe ways to navigate the challenges until even your search for a moment of peace within it can feel overwhelming. And we all do this to some degree. So please know you're not alone. There's nothing weird or wrong with you for doing this. We all do this. Even as a trained and educated life coach, I still find myself spiraling into despair before I remember, oh no, wait a minute. I have another option. I don't need to spiral and worry through this so much that it derails me. I have options that will put my feet back on the ground and open my mind back up so that it's free to search for solutions and free to acknowledge the things that are going well despite everything that's not, and it's okay to feel good about them. Feeling good when things are challenging isn't wrong. Okay, it doesn't mean you're slacking off or skirting around the crisis or the difficult situation or that you're being selfish or unrealistic. Okay, it reminds you of who you are, that you are valuable and vital and alive and smart and strong and worth the effort it will take to get back on solid ground. It reminds you that you are bigger than your challenges, and that it's possible to take up more space than your challenges in your life and in your environment. So anytime you can pause and take a moment when you feel yourself spiraling into despair to give yourself extra love and compassion and take a nice deep breath and maybe get a big drink of water and remember that there is a vast spaciousness within you and around you that is so much bigger than the hard stuff you're going through. It doesn't diminish the severity or the seriousness of it, but it will remind you that there is space around it to move and to breathe. It helps you step outside of it so that you can see every angle clearly and remember that it's something outside of you that you don't have to own or claim as your identity. Eventually you may be able to see it as neutral, completely unattached to you. Then that's a beautiful place to be, because you can start to find a way to even just begin creating the smallest belief that there will come a time when you are on the other side of the struggle. It's a first step to clearing your mind of the worry and getting your feet back under you so that you can see and think clearly and find what you need to stay grounded and focused on what you need to feel supported in the moment and what you'll need to take one step at a time until you're on the other side of the challenge you are experiencing. Because you will be you will be sometime. Another way to access spaciousness is to create it in your physical space. And an easy way to do this is to simply go someplace outside where you feel like you can breathe and take in the beauty of trees and plants, or water and soil, even, the sky and the fresh air around you. Appreciate the season. And maybe you are in a city and you feel so much appreciation for the beautiful architecture around you, and you find spaciousness there. You can amplify the experience by intentionally increasing your awareness of the space, using every one of your senses and taking it all in. The smells, the sounds, all of it. Focusing only on the moment and each feeling that you get from your senses in that place. Nighttime is a gorgeous time to do this because your senses will be heightened, right? And the vastness of the night sky is the ultimate example of spaciousness. Your living space also gives you the opportunity to create a deeper sense of spaciousness. So do what you can to clear any unnecessary clutter. And I'm not trying to be, you know, a voice of perfection in your head. This is not about perfection, this is just clearing space in your physical space, your home, your room, to just eliminate any unnecessary clutter. Keep the space clean and fresh. And do something that makes it feel special and beautiful and inviting to you. Please know that I understand if you're really going through something exceptionally difficult, that it can be hard to find motivation to clean or beautify, it's not what this is about. Just do what you feel like you have the bandwidth for to clear unnecessary clutter. And remember, if you're putting all of your energy into surviving, and I know a lot of you feel like you are, you won't have the energy to see the good in things that are still going on around you in the background. Clearing clutter in your space and in your mind will help you see them. Even if it's just a glimpse, that matters, it counts. Take up as much space as you need to. Get the rest you need and move your body in ways that help you feel alive. Maybe it's a walk or a run or a great strength training session, or maybe it's dancing, or Pilates, or yoga, or simply swaying gently side to side. There is something so healing about that. Connect with your body and enjoy how good that feels. Whatever resonates with you, the ability to experience and allow spaciousness will open you up to supported embodied joy and personal peace. As we close today, I want you to remember this: designing a single life that feels good, really good, is not about perfection or constant positivity or pretending everything is fine. It's about building a life that can hold you, a life spacious enough for joy and sorrow, expansion and contraction, clarity and confusion, a life that honors your nervous system, your bandwidth, your boundaries, and your growth. Spaciousness is not a frivolous luxury. It's a self-supportive lifeline, which is a superpower in my book. It's what allows you to breathe again when life feels constricting or tight. It's what helps you see possibilities when your mind wants to spiral. It's what reconnects you to your inner authority and your self-trust and that deep, steady joy that doesn't disappear when circumstances get hard. So as you move through life, or excuse me, as you move through the next few days and life, I invite you to notice the moments that feel good, no matter how small they are. Let them count. Make sure that they count, make sure that they matter. Let them remind you that you are more than the hard thing you're navigating, and that there's always more space available to you than the moment might suggest. So give yourself permission to clear a little clutter, take a breath of fresh air, move your body in a way that feels good and alive, or simply sit in a quiet corner and remember who you are. These are not small things. These are acts of sovereignty. These are the practices that build a life that feels really good to live. You're allowed to feel good. You're allowed to take up space. You are allowed to design a life that supports your joy. Not someday when things are perfect, but now, in the middle of your real beautiful, complicated life. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I am truly grateful to walk this journey with you. Until next time, stay wild and wise and take exquisite care of yourself, my sovereign sister, because you absolutely deserve a life that feels like your own. May you experience as many over the moon moments as your heart desires. Thank you for listening to today's show. I truly hope you found some value in the conversation, and if so, please subscribe so you don't miss a thing. Also, if you know someone who's going through midlife divorce and feeling worried about what's next, please share this podcast with her. Let's build a community of strong single women who are ready to create our best phase of life yet. To support you on this journey, I've also put together a 12-week pathway called Single and Over the Moon. It's how you and I will work together, one-on-one, for 12 impactful weeks, so that you can go deep about what it is you truly desire for yourself now and explore how claiming your power is the wise and sovereign woman you are will help you shift to a trajectory that will land you where you want to be. It all begins with a complimentary strategy session, which you can book at overthemoon.life. That's overthemoon.life. I cannot wait to meet you. So until next time, remember becoming single after 50 is not a setback. It's an absolute superpower that you can claim to create a life that has you over the moon.