Episode 1: Ferdy, The Bullet, And A World On Fire

A wrong turn, a stalled engine, and a teenager with TB standing six feet from a royal carriage. That’s all it took to turn a tense summer into a century-defining war. We pull the camera back from the famous gunshots to reveal the human story and the political machinery that made Sarajevo explode.

We start with Franz Ferdinand the person: an heir nobody wanted, a relentless trophy hunter, and a husband who defied court etiquette by marrying Sophie for love. Their partnership came with a cost—no rank for her, no succession for their children—and a lonely place within a brittle Habsburg court. From there we move through the Balkans’ long memory: Ottoman decline, Austro-Hungarian annexation, and the student circles where Young Bosnia mixed folk hero myths with banned ideas of democracy, socialism, and anarchism. Enter the Black Hand, built on cells and deniability under Dragutin “Apis” Dimitrijević, channeling weapons and training toward one clear goal: a Greater Serbia and South Slav unity.

Assassination Day reads like tragic farce. A governor downplays risk to avoid offense. A bomb bounces off a folded car top. Expired cyanide fails. The chauffeur isn’t told the new route. The motorcade halts outside a deli, and Gavrilo Princip fires a Browning pistol—Ferdy in the neck, Sophie in the abdomen. The legend of a “sandwich assassin” came later; the real catalysts were grievance, incompetence, and an empire allergic to reform. What followed was swift and seismic: anti-Serb riots, a harsh ultimatum written in diplomatic French, Germany’s “blank check,” and alliance dominos that toppled into World War I.

Along the way we challenge easy narratives. Ferdy’s own reformist leanings may have threatened hardliners, yet they couldn’t save him. Princip’s clarity about revenge collides with his regret over Sophie. And the question that lingers: was the war inevitable, or did small choices tip the world? Listen for a tour through contested archives, overlooked details, and the tangled roots of 1914. If this journey reframed what you thought you knew, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review to keep the conversation going.

Resources: 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xOSPkrEvy8UF1jvurXdyjsB7EAAocB7MayKRXqWq5Rc/edit?usp=sharing

Transcript

Meet Ferdy And The Habsburg Tangle

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey my doodle dandies, this is Kelsey, and I'm Sarah, and we're That's So Macaroni. Yeah. Hey Doodle Dandies, this is Kelsey. And this is Sarah. And welcome to That's So Macaroni.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

Prepare your earholes for the hot goss in 1914 about our good old pal, the Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Ferdy! So, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, most people know him if they know him at all, as the guy who was assassinated, and that set off World War I. Um. But that's like the first and last time you ever hear about him in most history books. So, like, why is he worth assassinating at all? Like, what makes him the guy? There has to be more eligible men out there. Um the truth is right place, right time. And uh he was the heir to the throne. So despite the fact that nobody liked him except for his wife, um he had the right name. So they took him down.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

It was also just a big old family feud. Well, yes. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

So I'm gonna call him Ferdy because I think that's funny. Um, he was born December 18th, 1863. Oh my god, he's a sad. Oh my god, he is. That poor thing. Okay. Uh his parents are Archduke Karl Ludwig of Austria and Princess Maria.

SPEAKER_05 1:47

You got this.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

Annunciata of Bourbon to Sicilian. Y'all, I'm trying.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

That sounds great.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

English is barely my first language, so. Um, okay. So at the age of 11, his cousin Francis V, Duke of Modena, died, naming Franz Ferdinand his heir under the condition he added the name Estee to his own. Um, in 1889, his cousin, Crown Prince Rudolph, completed suicide, leaving Carl Ludwig, Ferdy's father, the first in line to the throne.

Succession Shocks And A Murder Suicide

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Okay, but like we need to talk about that suicide for a second. Okay. Because it's ridiculous. It's a quote-unquote suicide pact. So Rudolph wrote like a note and left the note saying that he and his mistress, his child mistress, agreed to this. But it's not a suicide pact because he shot her and then himself. So it's a murder suicide. It's a murder suicide. It's a murder suicide. Got it. Okay. Her name's just so she gets a name in this story, poor thing. Baroness Mary Fitzterra, 17 years old, and Rudolph is fucking 30.

SPEAKER_04 3:09

That sounds about right for the time, unfortunately. Indeed, it does. Murder suicide. What a bitch. What a bitch. Well, so after that murder suicide, Ferdy's father was left first in line to the throne. Um, Carl, Ferdy's dad, died of typhoid fever in 1896, which meant Franz Ferdinand was now first in line to the Austro-Hungarian Empire, which is also part of the Habsburg line. Just a little fun fact.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Yeah, I actually got a lot of information from a book that has just been like sitting on my shelf waiting for this moment, um, called The Fall of the House of Habsburg by Edward Frankshot. Oh, it's an amazing book.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

I cannot wait to get into the genetics, but it'll be great. Um, so anywho, so before his dad died, Ferdy decided that he wanted to do some traveling and completed some personal pursuits. Cause, you know, what the what else are you gonna do in when you're rich. Yeah, in the late 1800s. Um, so he decided that he was gonna circumnavigate the world between 1892 and 1893. And he did that. He also spent time hunting kangaroos and emus. Um You know what? Just because kangaroos and emus are terrifying animals, also fuck birds, hate birds, except for penguins, um doesn't mean you should be killing them. Just no anyway. Uh so he did that. Uh he enjoyed trophy hunting. Fucking rich white people shit.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

I was gonna say he didn't stop at emus, though.

SPEAKER_04 4:53

Sure did not. No, he didn't. He didn't like stop. He really didn't, no. So he kept diaries of over 272,511 game kills. 5,000 of those were deer.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Okay, like you've done it, man. You got it. No. Single-handedly, he's like, I killed all the wolves, and so now I have to population control the deer. He's like, oh no.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

He needed to kill all of the deer. He set out for a goal of 5,000 and he reached it. Do you think a deer killed his mom? Maybe. Oh my god, that's hilarious. Um, hopefully. Anyway, do it. Uh, in his castle at Conopisting. Good for you. Thanks. Uh, he kept around a hundred thousand of his trophies on display. I'm guessing 5,000 of them were dear. That just reminds me of Ace Ventro.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah, detective when he walks in that manner. He's like, What did he say? That's like, what about beautiful room of death? Yes, that's probably exactly what a beautiful room of death.

SPEAKER_04 6:09

Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Alright. So along I'm just here to derail you.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

You know what? It's working and it's fine. Because it's still on topic. Anywho. Um, so along with his ridiculous amount of trophy hunting, uh, he did a lot of traveling. Um, he traveled to Naomiya, New Hebrewites, Solomon Island, New Guinea. I know that one. I know that one too. Sarawak, Hong Kong, and Japan.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Will's gonna hear this and he's gonna just laugh.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

I know.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

He's gonna be like, what a dumbass.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

Listen. Bet she doesn't even know they're flags. Listen, I went to school for biology, not English. So not flagology. Not flagology. I'm not that cool, no. Anywho.

unknown 6:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:03

Murdering his way around the world. Everywhere he goes, he has to kill it. Wildlife is not safe anywhere. Um, in 1893, he arrived at the world's uh Columbian Exposition via Chicago. Oh yeah. Um on the Burlington and Quincy Railroad, on a private Pullman card car named Mascot. It's a train. He had his own train because he's rich, as one does when one is rich.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

I'm a train.

World Tours, Trophy Walls, And The Army

SPEAKER_04 7:34

Like most men in any royal family, uh, he has a military career, of course. Uh, by the age of 14, he was given the rank of lieutenant, captain at the age of 22, and colonel at the age of 27, and general at the age of 31. And at one point, he actually led the Hungarian 9th Hussar Regiment. Uh so this was basically fought in the Napoleonic Wars, uh, this regiment, specifically and World War I and the Algerian War before disbanding in 1979. 1979? 1979. Oh damn. So it started in Napoleonic times and ended in the 70s.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

That's so interesting. Do you think that it was the Austrians or the Hungarians? Because like Austria-Hungar Hungary wasn't like a thing after World War I.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

I have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

What do you think got them in the divorce?

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Austria? Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

Um, he received the rank the rank of admiral in the Austro-Hungarian Navy. A little fun fact. And I think my favorite part about this man's is that he married for love.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Did marry for love, did. He always called her his Sophie, which is I think is the sweetest thing in the world.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

I know. Um, so he met Sophie, uh, who was a lady in waiting to the Archduchess Isabella. Uh, they kept their relationship secret because Sophie was not part of the current reigning or formally reigning dynasties of Europe. So even though she was like a well-to-do lady, she wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Yeah, but like it's still gross because Franz is like way above her as the heir to the throne of the Austro-Hungarian Emperor Empire.

SPEAKER_04 9:21

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

So, like, ew.

SPEAKER_04 9:23

It's I don't get it. What is this? Below your class? It is. Disgusting. How dare you. Um, in 1899, Emperor Franz Joseph agreed to permit them to be married under the condition that the marriage would be morganadic. Morganic. Morganic. Oh, I can't spell. Morganadic. I just put some extra letters in there for funsies.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

It's all good. I mean, who knows? I could be wrong too.

SPEAKER_04 9:51

Uh as someone who's smarter than us, please help us. Uh write in. Anyway, basically, so that just means a marriage between people of uneven rank.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Um that their kids couldn't uh be in line for the throne. Yep. So they basically write their kids like out of the lineup, right?

SPEAKER_04 10:11

Yep. They have no succession rights to the throne. And Sophie herself would not have her husband's rank, title, or precedence. Um, so basically she couldn't appear in public next to kin next to him. She couldn't ride in the royal carriage or sit in royal boxes and theaters. Um, and this is an interesting fact. So the only royals that would acknowledge the couple was actually King George V and Queen Mary in 1913. Um, they hosted them at I think the Buckingham Palace.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

That makes sense. Like, yeah, prior to World War I, the reason that England had so many allies is because King George was just like this like lovable man and he was just like, hey Bud, hey Bud, hey Bud. Yep. Yeah. It makes sense. So of course they're the only ones that are like, come on over. Bring your lowly wife. Yeah. Bring your trash children.

SPEAKER_04 11:00

We don't care. Look at these bastards. Anyway. Um, speaking of bastards, just kidding. Uh, they had four children and only three of them survived past infancy. They had Sophie of Honenberg, Maximilian, Duke of Honenberg, and Prince Ernst of Honenberg. And that's pretty much our pal Ferdy, you know?

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Well, it's Ferdy. Oh, but he also so he also spent like a lot of time when he was young as like super sick because he had tuberculosis, as did everyone. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Literally. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

As did everybody in the early 1900s. Like, oh, were you and born in the early 1900s? Congratulations. We have tuberculosis now. People were like, oh, is he really a good choice? Like, look at him just like coughing up blood all the time. And the worst part is, is like everyone was openly like, shouldn't his younger brother Otto like be this? Cause like, look at how like strapping that young man is. And so he has to like, he's like, I'm standing right fucking here. Are you serious? And they're like just talking like mad shit about him behind his back. Like, and they're like, oh, this guy.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

Was it really behind his back though? Because I mean he was like right there.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

You're right. It wasn't even behind his back.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

It was like directly to his face.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

It's like sometimes I swear I can still hear his voice.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

I'm standing right here. Literally right here, guys.

Sophie, A Morganatic Marriage, And Heirs

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Oh, poor Ferdy. Poor Ferdy. And also, like, I don't know if you heard this part too, but he had a warning that there was like a bunch of unrest in the Baltics because there's always it's the Baltics. Yeah. There's going to be unrest. Yes. But um that assassination plots were underway when he was on his way to Sarajevo. Yeah. Um, but he was like, nah, bitch, I'm going because he was like too proud to not go.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

And I'm sure he figured since he was just like some lowly dude in the family, nobody really cared what he was doing.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

I wonder if he felt that way, but like you see, like all throughout history, like terrorist activity is always like downplayed, and that's how the terrorist activity comes to fruition.

SPEAKER_04 13:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Like no one in the Baltics is gonna kill me. An Austro-Hungarian. Yes, they are. I am higher than them. I mean, you were kind of a second choice, but yes, it's gonna happen. Yeah. Like, no third choice. Fourth choice. They want they wish that Franz would die so that Otto could take over. Mm-hmm. Rough buddy. Um, but then there's a young man named Graferlo Princip who um who does make that uh assassination a reality. Do you know why they were on this trip to begin with? They were doing like some military training or something, right?

SPEAKER_04 13:48

Yeah. Uh so he basically had a security detail. Um, they were on a state visit from Vienna um to the Bosnian capital. This was the first and only time Sophie was allowed to accompany him during a public appearance. Which just makes this so much worse. I know. Uh the main reason for their visit was to inspect the Imperial Army uh who were stationed there, as well as to open and tour the new state museum.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

That's why they were going to the museum. I was like, I mean, as somebody who goes to museums in any city I end up in, I understand. Just wanting to visit a museum. I didn't realize that they were like ribbon-cutting that day. Oh yes, they sure were. Yep. Not anymore. That's would you like to hear about Gavrillo Princep and his youth? He's one of the youths from the statistics.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Are you one of the youths from the statistics?

SPEAKER_01 14:43

He fucking was. Okay, go ahead. So once upon a time, Gavrillo Princep was born into a Bosnian Serb peasant family. Um, the prince lived in northwest Bosnia since the early 1700s. Um, and they were Serbian Orthodox Christians. Um, so that means that they were like bottom of the barrel. There were serfs in the Ottoman Empire. Got it. Um he was the second of nine children, but six of them died in infancy. Um he was actually initially going to be named after his uncle Spiro, so this is just a fun fact. But an Orthodox priest was like, don't do that because he's disgusting. Name him after Archduke Gabriel to help him survive. And survive he did. Blessed. Hashtag blessed. Um, so his family has a history of fighting against oppression. Like, all of Serbia has a history of fighting against oppression. I don't know if I go into that. Um, but like uh the Baltics were taken over in the early 1400s by the Ottomans. So this how many years is that? 1400s to 1900s? That's 500 years. That's a long time. It is a long time to be um not only to be like not in charge of your own country, but to be like called like a shitbag for your religious preferences. Um they're like, this is all you get to do. So his family also has a history of fighting against oppression. His father, Petar, fought against the Ottoman Empire and the Herzegovina uprising in the late 1870s.

SPEAKER_04 16:21

Wasn't he also a postman? Uh I don't know. I feel like in the book I read, I I remember seeing that, and it stuck in my head for some reason.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

Not that he went back to farming, but I mean he could also be a postman. Like, I don't know. He's a fucking peasant. Like, you have to have multiple jobs to keep food on the table.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Like that. Sounds like today. Anyway. Oh my god. Oh my god. How relevant. How timely. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

So technically, in the Herzegovina uprising, they won. Serbia and Montenegro are now their own territories, but the rest of the Slavic land was like taken over by Austria-Hungary. Um I got an I like went down a deep fucking rabbit hole about the Herzegovina uprising. We'll have to do another thing on that. I was like, oh my god, red strings everywhere. Um but for a peasant, he managed to be really well educated. Um he kept going back to he kept also like dropping out of school because you're a peasant, you need to help on the farm. But he continued to go back to school, and he was going to go join his brother in um Serievo's Austro-Hungary military school. But his brother was like, nawful, don't do that. Um he said that he talked to a shopkeeper in Serievo, and the shopkeeper was like, Don't send your brother to be, quote, an executioner of his own people. And he was like, he's right. And so he's like, Cool, I'm gonna go to merchant school. Do you know what a merchant school is? No, but I remember you trying to figure it out, and it was very entertaining for me. Right. I didn't. Well, okay. My assumption, like, I was like, okay, what's the merchant school? They're like, Do you want to go to merchant school? Do you want to be a merchant marine? I'm like, no, I really don't. Um, so he's either gonna be a merchant marine or he's learning how to like sell things like in an Aladdin type way, you know? Like, I'm not really sure. Like on a square. That sounds great. I'd look at a merchant school if that's what it's about. If that's what it is, and you're just like pedaling your wares, it does sound fantastic.

Tuberculosis, Doubts, And Rising Tensions

SPEAKER_04 18:23

Yeah, I'll start singing some Aladdin songs in the middle of the road. It's fine. Prince Ali Fabulous single.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

So the the sentiments of the shopkeeper and um the princips weren't rare in like the overarching history in that 500 years of Serbian stories because all of their in not all many of their folk stories um had heroes who were remembered for, quote, standing up to foreign oppressors, assassinating tyrants, and driving out despotic foreign regimes.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Despotic. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

What does that mean? Um, thanks for asking. I'm only really good at these things when it's in context. It's basically it's just like super fucking oppressive and shit. Okay. If anybody wants to write down and write in like the actual definition, please feel free. I do have the dictionary app on my phone, but I'm not gonna do it. So I would love if someone else would do that for me.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

Okay, thanks. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Uh he excelled in his education. He was like super good, and he brought that Serbian fierceness and independence to his study. He wasn't like super pissy until 1908 when Austria Hungary officially annexed Bosnia. Um, and then he was like radicalized. Um, that's when he was 15, and he joined a quote-unquote secret society, which everyone knew about called Young Bosnia. Um, and he gained access to inflammatory writing. Um Things such as prepare yourself. Okay. Democracy.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Oh my god, what's that?

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Calm yourself. Socialism. What is that? And anarchism. These are the sorts of things that the youths of the day were reading. Stem youths. Fucking youths. So Young Bosnia was not like a formal movement, but like a club. Um. What a fun club. What a fun sticker club. Um, and it started in high school settings, as you can tell by the 15-year-old. Um, but it's kind of important that they acted quickly and started so young. So, as does everybody, we they saw older generations as part of the problem, and it was up to them to bring about change. Uh and historically they were the best educated of their time, so they were really the best prepared to do this. However, there's one thing standing in the way. Do you know what that is? Do you remember what everybody had in the early 1900s?

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Except for this one thing: Tuberculosis. Tuberculosis. That's correct. So they had to act quickly because one in five young people were dying of tuberculosis in the Baltics at this time. So, like, a lot of people. Your time is ticking. And you don't have much time. Fun fact: three of the six involved in the assassination died of tuberculosis within three years in jail of assassination.

SPEAKER_04 21:29

I know that. Woo. They were all friends, too, by the way. Gotta be careful what your friends are. Yeah, you never know what disease they're gonna be carrying.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

And like, get tested friends. And like what does that occur into?

SPEAKER_04 21:43

And here is our PSA.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Are you friends with somebody who has tuberculosis? Stand back! Stop it! Don't hug. And definitely don't assassinate anybody with them. That's getting way too close.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

Especially because all of you just kind of suck at it. Yeah.

Princip’s Roots And Young Bosnia

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Anywho, so their heroes and all their Serbian stories assassinated tyrants, right? And they're like, hey, you know what's a really good way to do this to change shit fast? Kill somebody. So in 1910, a young Bosnian member named Bogdanovich tried to assassinate the governor of Bosnia because he was assigned by the Austrians, and he like really was pissed about that. But he fired five shots and all of them missed, and so then he shot himself. He was like, oh fuck it. That one didn't miss. He succeeded. So, sum it all up about Princip, he joins young Bosnia. They want their own independent nation for just Slavic people, equality for all nationalities and genders, and genders, which is the important part within it. Okay, so all the Slavic people, that's Serbia, Bosnia, Herzegovina, Macedonia, and Beton, like all the Baltic states. Got it. Do you want like a brief history on the Balkan region and the Ottoman Empire? I mean, if you got it. Oh, I got it.

unknown 23:05

Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Okay. So the Ottoman Empire gained control of the Baltic states, like I said, um, 1459. But their influence began to decline over the centuries, and with it, as happens, living conditions of the people living outside of Muslim society, so especially those orthodox Serbians. Because they're the gross ones, right? Um, in 1878, the Ottoman Empire, quote unquote, lost the Balkans in the Treaty of Berlin. So Rome, Rom, Romia, Romania, Serbia, Montenegro all become de facto sovereign principalities. Um, and the rest of the Balkans fall under de jure Austro-Hungarian rule. So de facto sovereignty is temporary. Um, it's a provisional recognition, and de jure sovereignty is permanent, has legal recognition on a global scale. So, like, so when they have de facto sovereign um principalities, that means that they're like, yep, for the time being, until we can figure out what to do with you. And uh de jure means like Austria-Hungary are like actually in charge, and it is recognized that they're in charge. So the Austria-Hungarians are just like itching to get their hands on the rest of those de facto. They're like, well, at some point, your sovereignty is gonna run out and we wanna be there. Um that makes sense. And uh so until 1908, when the Young Turks took over the Ottoman Empire, Austria was just like managing the Baltic states, and then once the nationalists took over the Ottoman Empire and things got a little bit chaotic, they just kind of like slid in and like fully took over. And that's why Gafrilo Princip and the Young Bosnians were so pissy.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

I get it. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I don't know if I'm gonna kill people over it, but the Baltics are messy. A little bit, a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

They're messy. Get it together. Get it together. I mean, Franz Ferdinand was like trying. Poor Ferdy. Poor Ferdy. So it's it's a fraught situation. Uh prior to the assassination. And as we as we know, as you said, Franz Ferdinand was like not liked as the heir apparent um for Emperor Franz Joseph. And he was just hoping, like praying for a way out of the conundrum that he had of having Ferdy as his heir. He was sickly, he married before his class, he was too modern-minded, he was short-tempered, he had something against deer. It was all like he was like, I can't fucking have this guy. He's gonna kill all the deer in Austria.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

What are we gonna eat?

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Stop!

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Um so yeah. Shit. And there's one more person who's kind of like underneath all of this. I'm sure you read about him because he's just like this slimy little fucker. Nikola Pasik.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

I think I did.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

Yeah, the Prime Minister of Serbia. Yeah, he might be on here. Yeah, he's a real piece of work. Um, he was always like in the middle of shit until it went down, and then he was far enough away to be like, What? Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious. That was Pasik's song. Yeah, got it. Like, yeah. And the you've seen the Hunger Games? Yes? Okay, good. Like Plutarch Heavensby, you know how he like in the last movie, he's like, you should kill this guy. And then he's like, but you should also watch the president. And then he just like happens to be there so that he can always be in the middle of shit when shit's good. That's based off of Nicolopasic.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Love that guy. Yeah, I'm just kidding, it's a real piece of work. Real piece of work. Yup. Uh. And you have stuff on like the black hand, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:02

Yeah, I have a few things. Draw me, I can get into a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Yeah, there's one more thing to be just like a really good example. So the re a palace revolution in Serbia in 1903. Um he knew about it and benefited from the outcome, but he just like happened to be gone on holiday during the actual revolution itself. So like he's his hands were never dirty. Never dirty. Never dirty. Yeah, and that just continues. Yep. Real piece of work, like I say. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

He has a real piece of work. Tell me about the black hand.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

Um, so I don't have like too much on it, but so the black hand um was a secret military society formed in 1911 in the Serbian army. Um, they actually had financial backing um from the Crown Prince Alexander. Oh, SNP. So, just in case anyone was wondering, um, the main objective was the creation of a greater Serbia by unifying all surrounding South Slavic states with Serbia and Montenegro. Um, and then they actually were able to like maintain um like secrecy like pretty well. Uh, they had like a whole thing put into place where members only knew other members in their particular cell, and then the same with like immediate officers. Um, so this system just meant most members were actually unaware of the 10-member executive committee that oversaw the operations. Um, it also meant that no one knew it was run by Dragutin Dmitrichevik. Sorry. Post show, yeah. Uh it's cool though, because he was known by Apis. Oh, thank god. That was his nickname, his apus.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

How come they can't all have nice nicknames like this?

Serbia, The Balkans, And Ottoman Aftershocks

SPEAKER_04 28:56

You know, I don't know. Uh okay, so basically, um the black hand was kind of just like, hey, we're here to fuck shit up and we're gonna murder as many people as possible um just to get what we want. Uh so they actually had direct hand with um Ferdy's assassination.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

I th I wrote like think of it like the CIA. Everyone knows about it, and their activities are assumed, but nobody like really knows or says anything until later. Like Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. And if this is our only podcast, it's because the CIA can't copy.

SPEAKER_04 29:33

Yeah, they figured it out.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

They were like, bitches, how did they know? Um declassified documents, sir. What?

SPEAKER_04 29:44

Um, I also have like a little fun fact about um dude's nickname Apis. So in Greek mythology, Apis is actually the son of Egyptian goddess Hathor. And he was a sacred bull who was worshipped. Um, and then bulls were actually a symbol of strength and fertility. And I really hope I really hope that Apis's genes um couldn't compete with like survival of the fittest, because I don't think we need more of these dudes running around. No. So and it would be just the best dramatic irony for real. Um, so Apis was in charge essentially of the black hand and any assassinations that came with it. Um, he was a Serbian army officer. He was chief of military intelligence section um in the Serbian general staff. He later confessed during his trial after this in 1917 that he was the one who gave the orders. So it came directly from him. Uh he also played part in the assassin of assassination of Alexander I of Serbia and his wife in 1903. Hey, that's that thing.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yep. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I was just about to say, d like, you have to have PASIC or PASIC, whatever, in this part because they were like BFS.

SPEAKER_04 31:13

It was the two of them who are in charge. Yep. Um and then he also attempted to kill the Emperor Franz Joseph in 1911. And then since that didn't work out, he moved on to our friend Ferdi here. Um, and he also tried to kill the governor of Bosnia.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

But so this guy is just So he's got like a one of three record here.

unknown 31:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Like his batting average is not great.

SPEAKER_04 31:36

It's not great, yeah. No. Cool.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

So should we get into the assassination or yeah, I have one more thing to say though before. So um, so like we said, Pasic and Apis were like BFFs. But they the black hand started to get to be like kind of annoying and like bad for bad for business for Pasic. But he was he could quote, could not afford to expose the black hand for what it was because he was too deeply compromised with guilty knowledge of its terroristic activities. So he's like, oh shit, these guys are a pain in my ass. Um and obviously he knew like months in advance that this was gonna happen. But he did so but he did let one person know, hence why Ferdy knew that there was an assassination attempt, the um uh Serbian minister to Vienna, Jovan Jovanovic. Um and he was like, hey guys, Ferdi's gonna get murdered real hard if he goes down there. But um the Austrians were like, no, we don't think so. Or maybe they were like, good, and they didn't say anything because nobody likes Ferdi except for Sophie. Oh and Sarah. Yes. Poor Ferdi. And now let's get into Assassination Day. Okay. Assassination Day. Sorry. Pretoriuk and the No Good Very Bad Day. He did have a really hard day that day. Cute. We should write a book about that. Um that would be a hilarious kid's book. Like, could you imagine just like having people shot on the first page? Yes. Doric was planning on having the heir to the throne visit. Okay. Yeah. It was gonna be a good day.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Yeah. Until a whoopsie daisy.

SPEAKER_04 33:29

Oh no. That's some people dead. Anywho, I love it. That's hilarious. We should write that. Cool. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Yes, we should.

SPEAKER_04 33:40

So there were actually seven assassins laying in wait um for Ferdy's vehicle to drive by like specific spots around the route. Um, and they were armed with bombs and pistols. Um, they were assassinated who were trained in Serbia um in the black hand. So they were specifically trained in this group, in this society. Um, I do have a fun fact. So the vehicle that they were assassinated in was a graf and swift voice de Belong.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

Just fast meal sounds really smart.

Black Hand, Apis, And Covert Networks

SPEAKER_04 34:21

How blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, cool. Model, uh, a double Phaeton, uh, which was a luxury car for the royals at the time. Um, it was actually thought to be destroyed during the war, but actually it's one of the main attractions at the Museum of Military History in Vienna. So if you ever want to see that car. I do. Well, it's in Vienna. Um, so anywho, uh, so as their car proceeded, like in the motorcade and everything, they had passed the first two assassins without them act acting on their orders as they passed by. Um, the third guy, Ned Deljico Brinovic, he threw one bomb at the vehicle, but it bounced off the back of the folded, like the little Oh, I thought France Ferdinand like hot potatoed that motherfucker out. No, it just bounced off the back, like where the roof sits, you know when it's folded down. Um, so it bounced off the back of that and rolled under the car behind them and it exploded. 20 people were injured. Um you know, speak of TV, he was actually like super sick that day. Just by the way, this kid was super sick that day. Um anyway, so he had one job and he didn't do it because the bomb bounced off and just like rolled under. So he decided to swallow a cyanide tablet and then jumped into the godness Milkacka River. Sorry. For sure. To try and avoid capture. However, not only did he fail at killing Franz Ferdinand, he also failed at killing himself. Uh the cyanide tablet was past its sell by date. So he just became like super sick.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Kids this is why we listen to Best Buy Dates. This is the importance of expiration dates. If you want to know. That's why. Cyanide will just roofy your ass.

SPEAKER_04 36:27

Just make it super sick and vomit everywhere. Um, and also the river was at its shallowest at the time, so he couldn't actually drown.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Um, can you imagine roofing yourself and then laying face down in a puddle just like hoping to drown?

SPEAKER_04 36:41

Well, it gets better for him. Because before the police got to him, he was beaten by an angry mob of crowdgoers. Just like so. Uh Richie Ramirez. Oh my god, yeah. He was like, oh my god, thank god the cops are here. Yeah, thank god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

So Governor Petoriak was in charge of security that day. Mm-hmm. And he made a this is number one mistake. He had two military units, the ones that Ferdi was going to visit, just like hanging up, hanging out like up in the hills. And he was like, There's not really a danger here, and how bad would it look to have a bunch of Austrian military men around? What poor taste.

SPEAKER_04 37:26

Yeah. Didn't he say that he like dismissed it like having like people on the route because he didn't want to offend the citizens of Bosnia?

SPEAKER_01 37:35

Yes. I mean, like, it makes because that specific day was like a holiday of their um like independence from the Ottoman, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:44

Um like so like kind of makes sense, but also like people have been saying that they want to kill this guy.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Maybe like beef up the security. Yeah. Or like plain clothes military men. Like he it didn't occur to him that plain clothes was an option. No, he he I don't think he cared, honestly. Let's be real here.

SPEAKER_04 38:09

Um poor Ferdi.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Poor Ferdy. Or Ferdi.

SPEAKER_04 38:13

Um okay, just a little fun fact here about cyanide. Uh the half-life of a non-expired cyanide tablet is one to three hours. So it would have taken at most an hour to kill him.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

The movies make it look so fast though, where they just like crunch the cyanide and they're like, no, it doesn't say die.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

It takes like an hour.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

So it's a very painful death, also. Just what happens? I want to know. Like your insides like are like rotting and you're just like slowly dying. Like I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 38:53

Rough. Um but anyway, even if he'd had taken enough of his expired, he still wouldn't have died. So the cyanide pills were just for funsies, apparently. I don't know. Um fucking idiot. Anyway, so uh after uh his failed attempt of killing Franz Ferdinand and himself, uh Franz Ferdinand actually began a speech saying, Mr. Mayor, I came here on a visit and I am greeted with bombs. It is outrageous.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

And that poor mayor, too, because he didn't even know what happened yet. And he's like, Welcome to our beautiful city. And he's like, Oh fuck yourself. He's like, Jesus. Here's a bomb. Um and then Petoriak also is like, no one would do that again, right? Like, we don't need to bring military in because who's gonna try this a second time?

SPEAKER_00 39:44

Principle. He sure was someone else. Yeah, there's lots of people actually. Um no one likes him, man.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

A lot of people are hoping for this. I know.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

Um, so actually, when this Bomb that didn't work. They decided to actually change the route after he gave his speech. So when they were supposed to be um going to like to the museum. Yeah, going to the museum after his speech, uh, they were supposed to take a different route. Um, so this would have been like a super good idea, you know, really helpful. He probably would have lived, but no one told the chauffeur.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Another Portuguese head of security fucking problem.

SPEAKER_04 40:29

No one told the chauffeur, so he continued on the original route, leading to him where Gavrillo Princep was waiting.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

Um I think that was my favorite part of the book, was just like Gavrilla Princep is like in the drugs, they're like, dang it, he didn't die. I don't know what's gonna happen now. And then like his car is like struggling to turn around right in front of him. He's like, Kiss Mitt!

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Yep, it was meant to be glorious day.

SPEAKER_04 40:52

He was outside of a deli. Oh, a deli, sorry. Yes. Um, but let's let's be honest, that's also where I would be. So um for real. I'm gonna be where the food is.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

Especially if there's cheese involved.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

Dude, if there's a good sandwich, like if they got like a good deli sandwich there, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

I will assassinate later. I'm peckish. Yeah. Same.

SPEAKER_04 41:16

Um I'll get into the sandwich later because I have some funny facts about the sandwich. I am excited to hear about the sandwich.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

You know what? Fuck it. I'll do it now. We do have the ingredients. Can we like uh remake it? We'll call it the Princip. I'm sure it has the sandwich?

Assassination Day: Bombs And Blunders

SPEAKER_04 41:34

I'm sure we could like make our own sandwich and just name it the Princip. Um does not very instructly accurate, but go ahead. Sorry. I don't have the ingredients. Okay, so this is this is my little my little deep dive on the sandwich because I got weird. Um, and I love food. So the infamous sandwich um uh Princip had as like a pre-murder sack, snack, sack, snack, doesn't actually show up in writings until the end of like the 20th century. And then it just became an accepted version of the story by 2010.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

Okay, so we like don't actually know if he even had a sandwich. He was just like around a deli, and somebody was like, wouldn't it be great if he had a sandwich, just like we're talking about right now? Yeah. So we could make the sandwich and just claim That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 42:26

That prince We could just make our own Princip sandwich. That sounds fantastic. Because he didn't actually have a sandwich. But the legend of the sandwich actually started from a Brazilian novel. Uh, it's called Twelve Fingers, a biography of an anarchist by Joe Soros. Uh so the book follows the exploits of a or of Dimitri Borgia Korizek, a 12-fingered would-be assassin who encounters historical figures such as Mata Hart, Al Capone, Marie Curie, FDR, and of course, Ferdi.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

What kind of Umbrella Academy assassination thing is this? Like, what a book.

SPEAKER_04 43:09

I know, we need to find it. Um, so in the section of the book about Archduke Franz Ferdinand, uh, the protagonist meets Princip outside of the deli. It's uh Moritz Schiller's deli, and he was eating a sandwich. Okay, I want to read this book, actually. It sounds ridiculous. Um, the English version was published in 2001 and seems to be the first ever mention of a sandwich. That's sealed called the Archduke's Fate. Um, it is called Twelve Fingers Biography of an Anarchist. 12 Fingers. I gotta read that. That sounds ridiculous. I love it. I know. I'm excited about it. Um so anywho, back to the deli. You know, real life here. Uh so the vehicle was stopped on the orders of the governor. How do you say his name? Petor Petoriak? Yes, that guy. Uh the chauffeur began to fumble with the gears, and let's be real. Who fucking wouldn't? Yeah. So, okay, remember trying to figure out the fucking transmission of this car? I do remember. I wrote it down. Okay. So it has five foot controls. The first on the right is the gas pedal. The next two are brake pedals. One if one is for the cordon shaft and one for the rear brakes. Of course, yeah. Yes, makes sense to me. Then the clutch.

unknown 44:34

Right.

SPEAKER_04 44:34

Far left is engine start pedal with one gear lever and brake lever. So I'd be fumbling with that bitch too. Crying. The fact that it was already like moving is a miracle to me, because no. No, I would just be crying. Yeah, I'd just driveway. This poor chauffeur had the worst job. Um. So, anywho, with the vehicle stopped, uh, Princip was able to walk up within six feet and fire two shots. Uh, one hitting Ferdy in the neck and Sophie in the stomach. Uh, the gun he used was a 1910 Browning FN model pistol, which, fun fact, is the same type of pistol that was used to assassinate the president of France, Paul Domer, in 1932. Damn. Full of fun facts.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

And he didn't even mean to shoot Sophie. Yeah, he somebody like bumped his arm to like stop him from firing, but he was trying to go for Pretoriak.

SPEAKER_04 45:34

Mm-hmm. Yes, he was. Um in his uh trial after the murders, uh, he admitted that he did not regret killing Ferdy, but his intention was not to kill Duchess, kill the Duchess, but rather the governor. Um that was his only regret is killing the Duchess.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

So this is how Petoriuk's like day goes. He's they're like, sir, General, governor, whoever you are, would you like any military in? And he's like, no, there's no real danger, don't worry about it. And then somebody throws a fucking bomb at the heir to the empire. And he's like, whoops, but no one would be dumb enough to try that again. And then they are, and they do. So then the heir to the Austro-Hungarian, they like rush him to their house, to his house, and the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne is dead on his fucking couch.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

So his like diary that night is like dear diary. The Archduke's visit did not go as planned. I just had a flesh. We were going to have ice cream and instead.

SPEAKER_04 46:52

I just had a millennial flesh. Dare diary.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

That was the exact that's they were reading from his diary that day. Dare diary. Apathetic. Archduke dead. Crying in little. Sorry, original emo.

SPEAKER_00 47:12

Yes, he was. Oh god. Oh. Do you have anything on what he says to Sophie? No, I don't. Oh my god, what happened?

SPEAKER_01 47:23

So, like, so Sophie's shot and she's like, you know, killing over because it probably like nicked that big ass artery in her in her fucking stomach.

SPEAKER_04 47:30

That's like the slowest way to die.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

Awful. So she's like dying, and he and he's like, Sophie, Sophie, stay alive. Live for the kids. Like, live for the children. And then he's and then so she slumps and dies. She's gone. And then he starts like finally, like adrenaline's gone. He's like slumping over.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

And Torek is like, are you okay?

SPEAKER_01 47:52

And he's like, I'm gone. I'm good. I'm good. And all he can say is like, I don't he didn't say I'm good because of that's that's not he said, yeah, something like, I'm good, it's chill. And he's like, Are you sure? Because there's definitely blood somewhere coming out of you.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

He got hit in the neck, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

Yeah, but they thought it was Sophie's blood at first, like, because it was like here, and it was like the entrance hole is like just under his collar. So like they're like, It's poor Sophie has been murdered. And he's like, Oh no, Sophie, and then she dies, and he's like, and I'm giving up too now. Also, I'm dying over here, but I'm okay. He's like, Oh, I've just become aware. I have a hole in my neck.

SPEAKER_04 48:33

So yeah, I'm doing great. Thanks. Thanks, governor. Been a good day.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Thanks, pal, for stopping me literally in front of the deli with the assassin.

SPEAKER_04 48:44

Yeah, and having like the most ridiculously complicated vehicle ever.

SPEAKER_05 48:53

Fucking sucks, dude.

SPEAKER_04 48:56

This assassination was from the black hand. Uh, there were seven assassins, like actually physically present, like waiting to kill this dude. Um, but there's actually nine people involved.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

Could you imagine being one of seven? You're like, you don't trust me? Obviously they do. Me? A 19-year-old? You don't trust me with murder?

SPEAKER_00 49:17

Most of us are also dying of tuberculosis.

unknown 49:21

Like, no.

The Wrong Turn And Two Fatal Shots

SPEAKER_02 49:27

It's like some of you may die.

SPEAKER_05 49:32

I'm really to take.

SPEAKER_04 49:37

Oh Lord Farquad. Okay. We should watch that later. Anywho, okay, so here are the nine sorry the nine assassins essentially involved. Uh, so there's oh god, I'm so sorry about all of these names. I'm just a dumb American. I I'm so sorry. Um, so it's Danilo Ilik, he was the recruiter. Uh, then there's Mishko Jovenovic. He was the transport man and he also like hid everyone's weapons for them. And then there's Velchko Kubrilovic. Huh? That's pretty good. Thanks. Probably wrong, but that's fine. Uh so he helped with the plot and he was also the older brother of Vaso. So Vaso, he was stationed second. Like on the route, but he actually lost his nerve and then he didn't do anything. He just got scared. Because he's a child. Because he's a fucking child. Yes. Uh, then there was Mohammed um Mehmed Besik. Meh sure. Um he was the old assassin, and he actually did nothing because there were too many officers close by, so he just watched Ferdy drive by. Um, and then there's oh god. Nadelchko Kobrinovic. He was the third, he was the one whose bomb ricocheted. And then he sucked at killing himself. Yes. That's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:13

He tried to drown himself in a puddle after roofing himself out of him.

SPEAKER_04 51:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

Got himself Richard Ramirez. Got it.

SPEAKER_04 51:19

Or Richard Ramirez got you're right. Because he was the OG B shit kicked out of him by the public. Love it. Okay. I'm gonna butcher this name 100%. I know I cannot say this one. Um I'm gonna judge you for it. Go ahead. That's fine. Svevechko Popovic? What an idiot. Thank you. Uh so he was stationed fourth, and he actually didn't have a chance to do anything after the failed bomb attack. Because there was like way too much commotion going on, so like he couldn't do anything. So one dude is just pushing up things for everyone. Uh, then there was Trofico Grabis. He was stationed last and he didn't get the opportunity to strike because Princip succeeded. He succeeded, exactly. Um, and they were coordinated by oh, I already said that. The recruiter, Danilo Eelik. Um. And then he took orders directly from Apis. So, um, so Princip, he was very clear on his reasoning as to why he murdered France Ferdinand. Uh revenge!

SPEAKER_01 52:36

Yeah. Yeah. Pure Serbian hatred, man. Well, not hatred, sorry. Folk heroism. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 52:43

Yes, it was revenge. Uh, he was stated as saying, I am the son of a peasant and I know what is happening in the villages. This is why I wanted to take revenge. I regret nothing. But like I already said, he said in the trial he regretted killing Sophie. Um, and then it's also thought that the reason that Ferdy was targeted uh was because he was trying to pacify, or Apis was trying to pacify the Serbs, and Abis Apis sought a Serbian revolution, or more likely, it was just a good opportunity. Couldn't pass it up. Can't have an opportunity like that. For real. I mean, he took it, that's for sure. He was he's like we said, he's one in three. Um so Ferti's funeral uh was attended by extended royal family and other dignitaries. However, his favorite person, Emperor Franz Joseph, did not attend. Um, most think it was like a final fuck you to his nephew because he really just fucking hated him.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

And they only like laid in state for like a couple hours, right? When it's generally like a couple days and there's like a huge parade, like when I think it was King George. Whoever died right before World War I, he had like parades plenty. Yep.

unknown 54:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Everyone showed.

SPEAKER_04 54:02

Ferdy didn't get shit. Um, Kaiser Wilhelm II, he also didn't intend. Um, he was actually afraid that this assassination might encourage other revolts, so for his safety, he didn't go. Um, Ferdy was not buried in the Imperial crypt because Sophia, or Sophie, sorry, was not allowed to be buried there. So instead, he and Sophie were buried in a family crypt um within our Teston castle. I probably said that wrong, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 54:36

Um It all sounds great to me as somebody who also doesn't speak anything other than English.

Trials, Prison, And Princip’s End

SPEAKER_04 54:41

Okay, cool. Um, so obviously Princip was found guilty uh during his trial. He I researed that like five times. Okay, so this is an interesting thing. So Princip wasn't technically 20 years old at the time. There's actually a dispute about his birthday. Uh so when he was baptized, the priest recorded his birthday as July 13th in the parish register, but in the civil register, uh it was recorded as June 13th. And this was also during the time that many Eastern Orthodox countries were still using the old style Julian calendar. Um, and so when they switched to the new style Julian calendar, or sorry, Gregorian calendar, it changed the dates. So it's either June or July 25th of 1894.

SPEAKER_01 55:40

That's interesting because that makes a huge difference because of the Austrian law prohibiting anybody to be executed under 20 years old. Exactly. He could have been 20, or he could have been three weeks shy of 20.

SPEAKER_04 55:53

Yes, exactly. So um, due to the confusion, he was considered 19 at the time of the assassination. Um, so he couldn't be considered for the death penalty. So instead, he received the maximum allowed time of 20 years in prison. Uh he was sent to Therese's small fortress in modern-day Czech Republic, and he was actually chained to a wall in solitary confinement. So, but you know what though? Mother Nature, she's like, don't worry, guys, hold my beer. I fucking got this. He already had TB, right? Yeah. Of course he did. Yeah. So, um his diagnosis of TB and the mixture of like a cold, damp, disgusting prison.

SPEAKER_01 56:39

Perfect for TB to flourish.

SPEAKER_04 56:41

Exactly. And it did. And so he died on April 28th, 1918, three years and ten months after the assassination of Ferdi.

SPEAKER_01 56:52

Notter butters.

SPEAKER_05 56:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:54

And like just shy of like his actual goal being achieved with Yugoslavia. Crazy. Like the whole reason that he decided to go along with his assassination plot is because he wanted a united Slavic land. And then Yugoslavia I don't remember the exact um translation, but it's like all Slavs land.

SPEAKER_02 57:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:16

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

So he like barely fucking missed it.

unknown 57:18

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 57:19

He sucks. That's all I got. Now on to politics, my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 57:27

So assassinations weren't like rare at this time either. Like I I did not look up any others, but people were like, big name people were just getting like murdered left and right. So And all the European powers of this time were just like waiting for someone to start swinging. And the black hand and young Bosnia swung. Um what does Ferdi have to do with any of this tension? Like literally fucking nothing. Because he supported a more balanced, multi-ethnic state. Um, he supported um a democracy with one man, one penis, one vote. Um, and uh to kind of try to bring the Austro-Hungarian Empire into the modern era, and Franz Joseph is like, what is this? Yeah, modern ideals, and he was like pissed about it. And then Franz Joseph gets the news of a lifetime. Sir, your successor was murdered. It was murdered and by nobody less than the Serbians, and he was like, fuck yeah. So his daughter Valerie wrote in her diary This is a direct quote, and it's it's fucking rude. Quote, I found Papa amazingly fresh. Certainly he was shocked, and when he spoke of the poor children, he had tears in his eyes. But as I had imagined in advance, he was not personally stricken. Indeed, when I said that Carl, who's Franz Ferdinand's nephew and has literally no last name, no anything else. He's just just fucking Carl. That's awesome. I tried to find him. Would assuredly do well. He said very solemnly and empathetically, for me it is a great worry less.

SPEAKER_00 59:18

Yeah, he really hated him.

Funerals, Riots, And Imperial Calculus

SPEAKER_01 59:20

Fucking rude as hell. And like Carl? Carl, one name Carl, you think is gonna do a better job? Well, how about an auto? I don't know, actually. Oh, okay. But Carl's next, evidently. We s maybe age thing. Just Carl. Carl with a K. That's it. Um, and not only that, but it was with Serbia. So Serbians did this, and he's like, yes, the Baltics will be mine, and he's like super stoked on this. As much as like a 90 year old man can be stoked about shit. Um now let's go back to the Baltics. There were riots in the streets, extreme violence against Serbs by Catholics. And Muslims, um, and was supported by Petoriak himself because he had a no-good, very bad day.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:09

He sure did.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:10

And he was like, but I'm going to also scapegoat ethnic Serbs.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:16

That sounds about Eastern Orthodox.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:18

Um Catholics and Muslims just kind of saw Serbs as a bunch of rabble rousers, anyways, and then the murder of uh Ferdy and Sophie just like proved it, and they were like, fuck this shit. And the Catholics and Muslims started um attacking businesses, churches, and schools, like public buildings run by Serbs. A Serbian hotel was completely demolished by a mob of people, just like fucking cockroaches over this building and took that bitch down. And over 50 Serbs were injured. And they were like, oh well. And then Austrian authorities began just arresting Serbs for trumped-up charges and held them without trial because it's what you do when you're an oppressive force. It's weird that the Serbs didn't like these guys, isn't it? Um and so it's a really good time to wage war if you wanted to. Um, nobody really cared, as you said, about Freddy's death. They're like, oh, okay. It was like on page 10 of the newspaper, no one gives a shit. Um, assassinations happen so much time, especially in the Balkans. The rest of Europe was like, sounds right, go to Bosnia, you get shot. That's what Grandma Victoria always said, because they're literally all grandchildren of Queen Victoria. They sure are in the country. And Franz Ferdinand was like universally disliked by the rest of European society at this time. You see, nobody was like, I don't get it. But this is a it's a different time.

unknown 1:01:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:52

Where people were shittier. That's what it's a different time always means. Mm-hmm. People were always worse. Um Yeah, so no one really cared that he was gone. Um, but Franz Joseph was like, I get to wage war. And everyone kind of assumed that he would strike like really quickly, but it took months for him to act. So it's interesting because the first thing that he does is he reaches out to Kaiser Wilhelm in Germany and he's like, yo, bro, um, we're the only two that like each other. Everyone else is on each other's side. So if I go to war with Serbia, would you be there? And Kaiser Wilhelm is like, will I be there? I'm already there. I got your back, bro. And he's like, oh, kind of jump the gun on that one. And that's why Germany gets blamed for World War I. Because he was just like, he was really happy that he, A, had a friend, and B, that friend needed help. So he was on that shit. Um, but Franz Joseph was like, wait a moment, I'm sending Serbia an ultimatum. Um, this is just a fun fact about the ultimatum. It was the last one to be written in what is called diplomatic French. So um it sounds fancy. And from the mid-14th century, which is the 1300s, France was super influential. A bunch of people around the world spoke French, so it was frequently used for diplomatic papers and meetings and whatnot. It what is now like English. So if you have like a multi-nationalistic kind of community and you're like, oh, we all gotta speak something.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:23

It's English now. It used to be French. Got it. Um, and this was the last ultimatum to be written in diplomatic French.

unknown 1:03:29

Cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:30

Um the Bel so what the ultimatum said. The Belgrade government had to formally condemn anti-Autrian propaganda and admit that its officials in Serbia had a hand in that uh propaganda and its consequences, which was the murder. The Belgrade government this is all Serb uh Serbia, by the way. Belgrade government had to also arrest those who had any part, judged with severity, and make a formal report. Finally, that one the one that Serbia couldn't get behind was um that Austro-Hungarian officials would participate in the suppression of any group that wanted a pan-Serbian state and persecute those people within Serbia. So Franz Joseph wanted to send Austro-Hungarians into Serbia to persecute Serbian people. And the Serbian royals were like, like, yes to everything except for that weird fucking request. Yeah, this was called the blank check, right? That that's what Kaiser Wilhelm wrote. So he wrote the blank check. That's when he like just sent everybody. He's like, yeah, bro, whatever you need. Like I said, he was just happy to have a buddy, right? Yep. And so he's like, I will give you fucking anything. And so that's the blank check that he wrote. Um The Serbian royals already arrested everyone they could with a connection to the assassinations, besides you guessed it, the Prime Minister Nikola Pasik. That slippery motherfucker. Um, he happened to be on holiday. I would be too.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:13

He just was like, oh, did something happen while I was gone? Is there a war starting? I'll be over here.

Ultimatums, Alliances, And War Ignites

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

Did things happen? Um, yeah, so they got everyone else besides fucking Pasic. Um, and and they allowed us Austrian officials to review their work. Um, but they didn't approve of a foreign government putting their grubby little mitts all over their stuff. They said, yo, we're a sovereign nation and we have the capability and honor enough to take care of this. Thank you. And Franz Joseph was like, it's gotta be all or nothing. So he's like, we're going to war. Germany's like, I thought we were already at war. And Serbia's like, Russia, help. And Russia's like, got it, England, help. And England's like, got it. They're like beacons of Gondor are fucking lit for Serbia. And as they say, the rest is history.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:10

World War I. World War I. Mm-hmm. All because of Ferdi.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:16

Who nobody even threw like that way?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:19

The deer of the world rejoiced.

unknown 1:06:21

Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:23

It was probably all planned by the deer. Oh my god. What if they were just like deer? Like, what if it was like hold on, hold on. You know how people wear like horse heads now?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:32

What if it was like deer with like people masks on?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:35

And they're like, yeah, have to kill him.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:37

Or like, oh my god, who's that disgusting guy in Lord of the Rings? I can never remember his name.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:43

Denethro, the one who eats like a monster?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:45

No. Oh. The one that like whispers in the king's ear.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:50

Yes, that one! Oh my god. What if that was like the deer? Oh my god, the deer were like creamer worm tonguing in? Yes. That the deer started World War One. They were like, hey, stop fucking killing everything. It's like, as far as we're concerned, there's already a war on specifically with Ferdy. With Ferdy. Fuck you, Ferdy.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:10

Fuck you, Ferdy. Sorry about your wife, but also fuck you, Ferdy. Do what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:15

Well, that was a trip. It was a trip and a half. Yeah. So uh yeah, thanks for joining us on that sew macaroni. Um macaroni. This week was not so macaroni. Thanks, you little dandy doodles.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:34

A bye.