Episode 6: Hawaii’s Last Queen

A queen holds the line while the ground shifts under her feet. We dive into the life of Queen Liliuokalani—Hawaii’s last sovereign—through the forces that shaped and ultimately shattered her reign: missionary families who became magnates, laws that hollowed out Native power, and the relentless pull of U.S. commercial and military ambition.

If stories change how we remember, this one asks us to rethink everything we were taught about Hawaii—who held power, who took it, and what it cost. Listen, share with a friend who loves real history, and leave a review so more curious minds can find the show.

Resources: 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iFJM-yTuP-Y97X24384CRHbdqomk-buG05fgHpvYzCg/edit?usp=sharing

Transcript

Setting The Stage In Hawaii

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Hey my doodle dandies, this is Kelsey, and I'm Sarah, and we're That's So Macaroni. Yeah. Welcome to That's the Macaroni. I'm Kelsey. And I'm Sarah. And we're here with another wonderful episode about someone that you probably don't know much about.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Yep. So prepare your ear holes for all of the hot goss from the late 1800s in Hawaii. Because we will be talking about Queen Lilu Kulani. Lilu Kulani.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

I think I did that right.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

I think so. She was the last queen of Hawaii, or any type of royalty for that matter, um, of Hawaii before, you know, the white man decided to interrupt everything. So yes.

Royal Birth, Adoption, And Schooling

SPEAKER_02 0:57

And just before we get too far into it, we will be stumbling over Hawaiian names. We've looked up the pronunciation. We're doing our absolute best. If you do know how to say it correctly and you would like to correct us, please just do so kindly. We're trying our absolute hardest here. So we fuck it up. We're real sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Listen, we went to public school in America, okay? Like, we don't know how to do anything.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

And like in the bottom 10 states, so really feel really bad for us. We're trying really hard.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Yeah, man. I went to public school in Arizona. I'm fucked. Mm-hmm. Yep, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Same.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Right. Well, I wrote down like how it's pronounced. So let's see. It says Lali U Waukulani. Lali U Waukulani. Is that what you said? Probably. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Okay. She also goes by Lily, which is her Americanized name. So I I know in here I've put it kind of like on and off based on how into typing I was.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

Um well I have her birth name. Uh it was actually Lydia Liliu La Loku Walania Kamakae. That was her birth name. It is a very long name. Um, she was born September 2nd, 1838. She's a Virgo. Nice. Also, that's Brandon's birthday. He's also a Virgo. What was it again? September 2nd. Oh, nice. Uh, anyway, so she was born September 2nd in what is known as the Punch Bowl, the crater that forms the background of Honolulu.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Of course it's called the Punch Bowl.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

Yes, it is the punch bowl. Um, her parents are I'm so sorry, guys. I'm really so sorry. Kapa A Keya was her father, and Keah Oh Kalola was her mother. Jesus Christ. Her great-grandfather, Kewaa Kealulu, was the founder of the Kamehameha's dynasty. Oh my gosh, okay. Fun fact, her great-grandaunt, Queen Capiolani, was one of the first to convert to Christianity. Yeah. Anywho, so immediately after she was born, um, she was taken to the house of another chief who she was adopted by. Um, so like her foster parents, um, as she called them. They were Knoya. Uh, she met her biological parents purely out of interest. Uh, they had 10 children total. Most of them were adopted out to other chief families. Um, this was in accordance with uh uh Hawaiian customs at the time. It's like you birthed a baby and gave it away for some reason.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

I don't know. I don't know if I have that in here. I went way further back.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Well, I mean, I just did like her history. I'm just saying, like, this is a weird custom. It is a weird custom. Like, why have ten children and then just give them all away?

SPEAKER_02 4:20

That sounds like the only way to have ten children.

unknown 4:22

Quite frankly.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

I don't think I want to have ten children and be really involved. Um that's fair. That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

I think giving them away sounds.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

Let's see, okay. So, okay, essentially this process was common in Hawaiian culture at the time and was considered an alliance by adoption that cemented the ties of friendship between the chiefs. It also became popular among the common people of Hawaii as well. So we're just trading babies in Hawaiian culture, is what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

Well, I guess if they're in charge of your baby, kind of want to be friendly.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Yeah, I guess that's true.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Let's see it again. In which case, what's one less? Not either.

Missionaries To Moguls

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Um, okay, let's see. At the age of four, she was sent to the royal school, quote unquote. Um, only children with claims to the throne attended this boarding school. Um during her time there, she recalls they really focused on learning English. Because, you know, white people have to take over everything. The English. Same thing. The fucking English. The fucking English. Um, she also recalls not being fed. Um a thick slice of bread with molasses was their dinner if they received any at all. She said they would beg the cook for food. If they were to find any food, it would be confiscated, and they would often resort to finding food in the gardens and starting campfires to cook. Do you have anything on the school?

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Um, I just read that um it was really similar. There were a lot of similarities between the ones that we had on the continent for Native American children. The only potential difference is that they were royals, so they couldn't necessarily like cause their death. So where a bunch of um a bunch of children, as we know, died in North America at these boarding schools. You couldn't really kill off the chief's daughter and be like, I don't know, man, she's just gone.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

That was really weird. Are you sure you even dropped her off? I don't think she is here. Yeah. You're lying. Okay, well, that makes sense. Well, okay, so it says while attending the school in 1847, the measles epidemic broke out where three of her family members and schoolmates, all who were royal royal children, um, died. Um, these deaths made a lasting impression. They were all buried on the same day on top of each other. Um so okay, so since the family tree is like so confusing and like everyone is adopted and all related, I I'm gonna be honest, I couldn't keep track of like all of her siblings. It is difficult. Yeah. Um, yeah, I read this book and we'll put it in the in the show notes, in the bibliography or whatever. But there, since there was 10 of them and they all went out to like different chief families, it broke my brain when I read the book. I was like, there's no way I can keep track. So I just focused on like her. So all I know is that three of her family members died from the measles in this school.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Um I listened to the Queens podcast and even the royals, and both somehow found like a little bit more detail on that. I still couldn't quite follow. But like if you are interested in really tracking that information down, uh the Queens and even the Royals had some. I heard that's a good podcast. It was it was really good, but yeah, they went they went into so-and-so's related to so-and-so and like the whole business of it. And I was like, I I I can't um I can't keep up. So I let it go.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

I let it go. Let it go. Anyway, um, okay, so two or three years later, um, the royal school had actually declined and was discontinued. Um, probably because of the.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Where in time are you?

SPEAKER_03 8:37

I'm in 1848.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Okay. I want to jump back really quickly. Okay. To the early 1840s. Okay. So the English and French had acknowledged the um sovereignty of Hawaii, and so did America. They vowed that no one would ever threaten this sovereignty again in 1843. Um, that was a lie. Um, but there was a I watched a show, Conquested Hawaii, and there was a line in it that I think was like really, really good, and it kind of like sums up how these Americans when they came to be, which was really wealthy plantation owners, yeah, which is they start off actually as missionaries, and the movie is the missionaries may have come here to do good, but they stayed here to do well. And I was like, damn. Say that again, louder for the people in the back. Um yes.

Health Crises And Colonial Pressure

SPEAKER_03 9:39

Well, I mean, that that ties into like her history as well, because after this boarding school she was in was discontinued, she was sent to a day school run by American missionary called Reverend Mr. Beckwith. Pretentious name.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Oh, yeah, and I think it also because when the sovereignty was challenged in 1843 by a British guy, and they were like, no, and the and Britain, France, and America all said, You're sovereign, you promise, like what she does later on kind of makes sense because she's like, why would you said I'm sovereign? Yeah. Why would I have any reason to doubt what you're to doubt that you're what you're saying, like the the treaty you signed would be uh a moot point.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

You see, this is why you never trust the English. Trust white man. Um, I mean, like my Irish ancestry gets so upset when I run. They're like, oh my god, is it the English coming after us again? We'll save you. It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Don't trust the English. Um and then, so this is before King Kamehameha III died. Um, he signed a constitution, it put a limit on his authority, but his entirely foreign-born cabinet was chill with this. Um, even though there were petitions of protest signed by thousands of native Hawaiians saying, I'm sorry, how come foreigners and missionaries are the entirety of your council and making up Hawaiian politics? And King Kamehameha III continued to listen to his cabinet instead of his people. The petitions asked of natives said, Hey, could you please not sell land to foreigners and not make them chiefs? But at the behest of his entirely unbiased cabinet, he did both of those things. He made them into chiefs to give them that status um and to give them land. There's more I remember that there's more to the chief and land law thing. I just can't quite remember what it is. But that's kind of how they ended up um sinking their clause further in at this point. Um, they were allowed to become naturalized citizens in 1845, and by 1848 they had a huge land redistribution, um, who gave most of the land to the king and the chiefs, who are now all white men, leaving many Hawaiian natives landless, which is a great loss for the culture because it's tied to the land in spiritual practices. And then I get up to 1853, where Lily is around 15 and smallpox wipes out about 5,000 Hawaiians. Yeah. And King Kamehameha dies. And in 1855, the American Board of Foreign Missions cuts off funding um for their missionaries, saying, um, you guys did a fantastic job. Come on home. Wonderful. There's more, there's more acts of God to commit in this world, but the men were like, oh, these men of God were distracted by wealth and power. They have miraculously accumulated. Um, so they decided to stay plantation owners and politicians instead of that godly work that they were doing of missionary.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Because that doesn't pay as well as sugar plantation. I don't know if you knew that.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

I mean, I might be a white person, but like I don't pay attention to which plantations do the best.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Well, plantation owners just naturally, I think, gonna make more money than missionary. Yeah. Um, missionaries are like, here's your satchel, here's your little hobo bag on the end of a stick. Go convert people. Have fun. And you know, when you go from hobo bag on the end of a stick to to a huge plantation house, they were they were blinded. Yeah, unfortunately. I moved to 1855 when she's 17. Okay, which is actually upsettingly not too far from when she met her husband or adolescence.

Courtship, Marriage, And Washington Place

SPEAKER_03 14:04

No, he's not he's he's pretty much coming up. Like, let's see. He's right there. Um, let's see. Yeah, so okay, so she had to go to that American school with Reverend Mr. Beckwith. I don't know why he has Reverend and Mr. He's extra fancy. He is extra fancy. He's a Reverend Mr. Mr. Reverend, Mr. Mr. Reverend better Beckwith. Um, okay. So she she lived in name in the fucking English. So she lived with her foster parents in a house known as the Arlington Hotel, which is also known as Haleia Kalaa, or translated into the house of the sun or the pink house, because it was constructed with pink corals.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Was it the hotel at the time that they were living there, or was it their royal household that is now a hotel?

SPEAKER_03 15:03

See, the house was also used as a base during the overthrow of the Hawaiian government in 1893. Um, and it was sold in 1900 to be demolished to make space for a bank. So I think it was just their house. Just their house at the time. And they called it Holt Arlington Hotel. I don't know. Um so she lived in that house until her foster dad died in 1855, and then her foster sister, Bernice, and her husband Charles Bishop took over and she lived with them. Yes. Nice. Um, so between 1855 and 1857, she traveled all through the islands for engagements of families as well as work. Um, and in this time, she was briefly engaged to Prince William Luna Lilo, but after certain incidences, she called off the engagement. Um, her foster mother also died in 1857, which uh placed her more her foster sister Bernice and her husband, like were in charge of her after that.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Um that's on one of those trips though, that's when she meets her darling husband, John Owen Dominus, which is the funniest story. I just love it. They're writing back, and he's like, This chick's so fucking hot. Um and he's like, I'm gonna be sorry, so he's a royal aide from a powerful family, that's why he's there. Um, and he's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to flirt. And he does, and he's like flirting, and it's all going well, and then someone else loses control of their horse, and his horse throws him and he shh damn bird, excuse me, bird. We're doing something in here. Shh. Shhh, a rude ass bird. A loud ass bird. Okay, telling a story. So his horse throws him and he breaks his leg, and immediately it's like swelling and turning awful colors, and it like is very clearly painful. So he's sweating and trying not to cry, and he's like, I'm I'm good. He just brushes himself off. He's like, just been a flash wound, and Lily's like, dude, that looks really fucking bad. Like, and he's like, No, no, it's good, it's it's good. Um, I'm gonna just keep escorting you home. And she's like, Maybe I should escort you to a doctor. Cause who's escorting who? I'm like making sure you're not gonna pass out here. You're looking really pasty, man. Pastier than normal. And he's like, no, I'm gonna take you home. She's like, all right, just sure. So she probably just agrees so that he doesn't like just to make sure he doesn't fall dead on the road somewhere. And um that apparently did it. That did it for her. You know, everyone has their thing, right? Nothing like being escorted home with like a pulsing broken leg to show dedication.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Oh shit. Yeah, no, that's true. I get it.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Doctor, who could choose a doctor over you? Someone whose femur's broken? I don't fucking know.

SPEAKER_03 18:11

That's my kind of man, you know?

SPEAKER_02 18:13

Mm-hmm.

Culture Revival And Public Health Reforms

SPEAKER_03 18:13

Mm-hmm. What a man, what a man, what a medic. Um you're good. That was funny. Um, so yeah, like you said, on one of these trips, that's where she met him. But also, she took another trip to the extinct volcano of Haleya. That sounds good. Thank you. Um, during the trip to the volcano, uh, there were, you know, incidences. Uh, but when Lily and Miss Bishop were turned to Honolulu, they were told that the king had a moment.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Because you know, kings kings often do have moments.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

They sure do. Guess what he did? I don't know. He shot and killed his secretary, Mr. H. A. Nielsen. Don't worry. After he died, nothing happened to the king.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Well, I mean, he's a king. You're allowed to have moments like that as a king.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

Um, he also, in another fit of passion, guess what he did? Shot his wife. Ooh, close. So close. Son. Yes. Yeah. Oh. Uh he killed his four-year-old son. Because he didn't know he was four. Sorry. That's awful. You want to know why? Because he didn't pick up his blocks fast enough? No. Uh he didn't like a pair of boots he was given, and he had a temper tantrum. So the king put his head under a faucet of cold water, which caused brain fever. Which was at the time symptoms of headache and delirium. And he died in 1862.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

So he waterboarded a four-year-old because he didn't like boots?

SPEAKER_03 19:58

Yep. It's not funny. Speaking of people who should go to the fucking doctor. It's not funny. Is it brainworm? Maybe. Oh my god, it all makes sense. They must be related. Red. Red rum. Well, if it makes you feel better, this specific king uh died in 1862. And in 1863, King Kamehameha 5. The fifth. What did I do?

SPEAKER_02 20:24

A W. I don't know. I don't think that's a Roman numeral.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

I don't think it's a Roman number. Uh I need to go home.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

You are home.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

My brain is broken. Um cool. So that was just like a lot fun little side quest I thought you'd enjoy. Cause now I'm at uh when she gets engaged to Mr. Surprised Dominus. Ugh. John Owen Dominus. Uh they were married September 16th, 1862. And then they moved in with his mother. Yes. Yes, they did. Um, they were actually asked to postpone the wedding by the king after he murdered his son because they needed to grieve and not celebrate. So he's like, Oh, you guys are getting married. I just killed my son, so you're gonna have to fucking wait. Like, it's not all about you.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

King Kamehameha IV. You dickwad. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 21:24

I would be like, God, I hope we are distantly related if I cannot with this. You're bullshit right now.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

Well, I'm gonna switch over to John now because that seems like the appropriate thing to do than to continue to talk about a man who murdered his four-year-old son.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Um Yeah, we'll talk about a disgusting mama's boy who starts cheating on his wife. Honestly, much easier to shit on.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

It is, yes. I mean, like, I would like to shit on this king that murdered a four year old, but I'm gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Well, we could totally do that, but I also don't want to think about a four year old being.

Treaties, Tariffs, And Pearl Harbor

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Waterboarded to death? Yeah. Yeah. No. Anywho, John was born in New York. New York City. In New York City. Sorry. Probably New Laszlo. Fucking love Laszlo. Um, he moved to Hawaii with his parents and he attended a day school next to the royal school where he met the future queen and his future wife. Um side note, uh, they left their daughters, so John's sisters, in New York at a boarding school, where they died.

SPEAKER_04 22:35

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

So um You win some, you lose some, and at least they're only the girls, right? Yeah, we don't need those. 1800s. They don't make other people. The 1800s of it all. It really is. Um, also, surprise, surprise, uh, like you said, he has mommy issues. Um, and Lily was considered an intruder, and his mother did not like her.

unknown 22:58

Intruder.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Oh, it's just like all those, like, do you ever see those like mom boy like TikTok things where they're like, it was my first love?

SPEAKER_03 23:07

I'm like, okay. It's almost kind of like um Glinda Belcher and Gene Belcher. It's kind of like borderline scary.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Yeah. You're like, ew, alrighty. Yeah. I know this story. I think it's called Oedipus. What? Who's that? Oh, no big deal. He just killed his dad and fucks his mom. That's normal, right?

SPEAKER_03 23:35

I mean, he was like the BCE of it all, but yeah. We're just bringing it to the 1800s. It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

It's a tale as old as time. Um literally. And she's the intruder. I'm sorry. She is white woman. What are you saying to me? Well, and like you said, they moved in. Over your audacity, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

They moved into the estate built by his father, known as Washington Place, um, which is actually still in Honolulu today and can be visited and toured. Um, so John was appointed King Kamehameha V secretary, remained so his entire reign. Um, he was also the governor of Maui, Commissioner of the Administration of the Crown Lands, and ambassador representing Hawaii and Great Britain at the Queen's Jubilee. He became Royal Highness Prince Consort in 1891 when she became the queen, but died a few months later on August 27th. Wah wah wah. Um, yeah, that's pretty much all I have about him. So if you want to add some more.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Oh, I don't know. I went time-wise, he might come, he might be resurrected. His ghost will come back. Oh Lord. Um, just to come say something. Um But King Kamehameha the Fifth and Queen Emma. Um Lily worked really closely with them to strengthen Hawaiian culture. Um, because she was like, hey, how come we banned Hawaiian culture? And why are foreign people like taking over? What the fuck? And so she worked closely with the king and the queen, because her husband is, you know, the secretary or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Um, on charity and public works, which is great. Um, so some of the things that they worked on was they devoted a majority of their reign, King Kamehameha the Fifth and Queen Emma, um, to providing quality health care and education to the Hawaiian people. They were especially concerned with foreign ailments that were decimating the population, such as leprosy, influenza, and the ever-present smallpox.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

Hey, did you know um that armadillos can give you leprosy?

SPEAKER_02 25:57

I think I did.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

And I don't know why.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

It's um it's just like a natural occurring thing that armadillos have. So if you come in contact with their blood, you're screwed.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Don't people eat armadillos?

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Yes. Huh. That's my fun fact for the day.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

I wonder if the leprosy dies when you cook it or something. Like, how do you wonder if this is like a puffer fish situation where like you have to like cut it the right way in order to like avoid the leprosy?

SPEAKER_03 26:28

Well, I mean, it's like a blood-borne pathogen. So, like, yeah, maybe if you cook it, it's fine. Because like I know most of the time you can get it, like, if you have like an open wound and you come in contact with it, leprosy, the biblical disease. Anywho, sorry, continue.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Oh, um smallpox. Oh, uh, they proposed a healthcare agenda that would include building of public hospitals and homes for the elderly. But um, if we remember King Kamehameha III, his constitution with all of his white people, they reduced the king's authority, which means that the king couldn't just sign this decree and be like, bitches were building hospitals. He had to say, excuse me, white panel, would you mind if we took care of people who do not look like you? And they said, No, they said, Wow, you're so philanthropic. And our answer is no. Um, but the team was like, no, we're gonna do this shit. So they didn't give up. They went around and collected an overwhelming amount of funds and built the Queen's Medical Center and a leprosy treatment facility, um, which is where they sent all the armadillos.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

I was about to say, was that where all the armad are there armadillo in Hawaii?

SPEAKER_02 27:48

There are now because of the leprosy center.

unknown 27:52

So stupid.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

What the fuck? Okay. Like an armadillo.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

So um one of the f one of the things that um the king did um was to stop the negotiations that his father had started with the United States about annexing Hawaii. Um, they reintroduced the hula and supported um record keeping of the native history and traditions.

SPEAKER_03 28:29

Oh good.

SPEAKER_02 28:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

So it's a good thing. Yeah. Did you know? It's a fun fact. Uh so Lily was a composer and she composed the Hawaiian national anthem. I did know that. I love it so much. It's so cute. I don't even know the Hawaiian National Anthem, and now I feel like a dick.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Oh, it's okay. Um, hang on. Well, you can keep talking, I'll find it.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Okay. Um oh, okay. So on April 10th, 1877. Wow, like my dyslexia just kicked in so hard. Um 1877. 1877.

Bayonet Constitution Explained

SPEAKER_02 29:07

You know, as somebody who's like a historic like a historian person, I'm so bad with remembering when specifically things happen.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

I have to like, I'm like, repeat the year. Or I will forget it forever.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

I just couldn't read it. I don't know, that was weird. Um, so she was named the heir apparent to the throne after her brother, Prince William Le Leohoku. Yeah, so after he dies, she would be next in line. So this is when uh she began a tour of the islands to become more acquainted with the people of Hawaii, kind of like who you're talking about, um, so that you know, sh like she would be familiar with these people. And then in 1878, she became ill, and her physician suggested traveling to the US and staying on the coast would benefit her health because you know, fresh air.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Who's traveling to the coast?

SPEAKER_00 30:03

She is. Queen Queen Lily. Because she's sick. It's traveling to the coast. Because she's sick, yes.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

Because she lives on a fucking island. I know. When is she not somewhere coastal? Actually, how how coast do you have to be to go to the coast for your health?

SPEAKER_03 30:19

Uh you have to go all the way to San Francisco. So her and her husband boarded the steamership St. Paul to America. Um, and they they visited San Francisco and Sacramento. So, like, this wasn't even like a retreat for her to like be healthy again. They were just visiting. And then a month later they went back to Hawaii on the steamership Wilmington.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

They just like say Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

Like, go to America, you'll be better. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

Where am I? I'm in 1881. Oh, sorry. King Kamehameha IV, not the fifth, is who I was talking about. Um this is in between him and when Queen Lily starts her reign. So let's see, 1874, King Lunalilu dies without naming his successor, and Kalakua, the brother, is being is crowned after being elected by the legislature, which is white, over Queen Emma, which is interesting. Um, her supporters rioted and killed one of Kalakua's supporters by chucking him out of a second-story window.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Um, and Kalakua seems to be the best choice for American business interests. He promises to negotiate a low slash no tariff on Hawaiian sugar to the uh US through what is called the Treaty of Reciprocity. And it's not to say that he wasn't qualified. He had worked in the government, it was fluid in English and Hawaiian, but he's kind of a butt. Um who was this? Kalakua. King Kalakua.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Okay, so this was after Kamehameha. Yes. Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

Um I guess after somebody was thrown out the window, maybe just let it go. Um so even though he was like super helpful to American business interests, he was also interested in reviving Hawaiian culture and the spirit of his people. So he wrote a comprehensive history of Hawaii called The Legends and Myths of Hawaii. Um, and he revived the tradition of Hula, officially, erected a statue of Kamehameha the Great, which I think is numero Uno, but I could be wrong. Yeah, I mean if you have like six extras named after you, you gotta be pretty awesome, I would think.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

Pretty sure the first one is the great one, usually, right? I mean, I wouldn't I I don't know. I'm not from a royal family, I don't know how that shit works.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Me either. Um, and I think that I don't care enough about royalty to really get into it. Um and he laid the cornerstone of the royal residence, the Ilani Palace. Um Although previous monarchs were gradually reintroducing Hawaiian traditions, he was like, no, we're gonna fucking do this. And he invited all Hawaiians with knowledge of old Mele, chants, and hula to both his coronation and his birthday party.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

Sounds like a fun birthday party.

Liliuokalani As Regent And Crisis Manager

SPEAKER_02 33:10

I know. What a great birthday. Um Lily is like, hell yeah, she may be a Christian, but she is first and foremost a Hawaiian royal who loves her people and anything that supports their health and wellness is what she's here for. Um and let's see. So you're asking I'm Calet Kalet Kalakua.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Thank you. Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:34

Yes, yes, so I'm still before her, technically.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

That's fine. I have like a small chunk of her and him together.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

All right. I will stop talking um once I get to her. Uh in 1887, the Treaty of Reciprocity was up for renewal, and the US Senate was like, we would like to add something in exchange for unlimited extension on the treaty, aka no tariffs on sugar and pineapple grown by American plantations. The US also wanted exclusive use of Pearl Harbor for its navy. Yep. And Calicula said, no. Um, this pissed off the white businessman because um Nobody says no. How dare you say no to me? Yeah. How dare you have a boundary? You know how good men are respecting boundaries? Well, they are just as good. And they formed their own political party and called themselves the Hawaiian League. I'm sorry. No. Um, members include Lauren Thurston, Sanford Dole. Recognize that name, pineapple motherfucker, and William Castle. Yeah. Yeah. He's the pineapple dude.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Aww.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

All descendants of missionary families who stayed to do well. They figured it was time for Hawaiians to stop ruling Hawaii their way, and that these pasty boys had better ideas. Um, however, I do want to point out one guy who doesn't totally suck. Okay. Um, an old white southern dude. Uh, his name was Prime Minister Walter Marie Gibson, who believed that Hawaii should be for Hawaiians. Um Hello. And if you know, if really horrible racist people think that you're a bad person, you're probably doing something right. No, no, no. Oh, okay. Like if the KKK is like, I hate you, you're like, okay, I can be okay not aligning with you.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

So these guys the Hawaiian League was like, how dare you? And he was like, Hey, stop it.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

They were here first.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

He's like, um, I don't think so. So he's so he's good. Um in 1887, the Hawaiian League march with soldiers from a pro-American all-white militia called the Honolulu Rifles into Iomani Palace and hold King Kalakula at gunpoint, threatening force and death, and make him sign a new constitution that severely limits his monarch powers. Um, it is called the Bayonet Constitution. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

You are definitely ahead of me because I literally have a bullet in here that says ask Kelsey about the bayonet. Ask Kelsey about the bayonet. Leave that part in, Connor. I'm trying my best to like here. Let me be brief. No, you're totally fine. You're way ahead of me right now. So let me go in right before the bayonet constitution, and then we can go from there. Okay. Okay. So in January of 1881, um, Lily was called to have a meeting with her brother, King Fucking A.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Kalakula.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Kalahula. Katahula. Katahula? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

But take out the Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 36:41

I'm so sorry. I'm trying. Okay, so during this meeting, he informed her that he was planning a trip around the world in one of his boats, and that he wanted her to take control of the government while he was away. Um, so it had there had been a cabinet council meeting that she would be at the head, um, but the action of the council should be required for the full exercise of authority.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

See the monarch is now a figurehead only to the legislature, which is the all white men. Yes, all white property owners, rich white men.

From Accession To Power Struggles

SPEAKER_03 37:25

Yes. Um, she noted this is important because it showed how persistent the missionary party was at work to undermine the authority of the constitutional rulers of the Hawaiian people. Um she protested this to the king, saying that in her view, if she was to be entrusted with the government, she should be the sole regent. Her reasoning was that as there was council of regency, there would be no need for a regent, meaning her. So, like if there was a council, why would she be, why would he even ask her to be in charge? So basically, she's a bad bitch and is saying it's my way or the American way, quote unquote. Um, so she was appointed sole regent upon his departure. So he left January 20th, 1881, and arrived back in October 29th, 1881. Um, so during her regency, while he was off doing whatever the fuck he was doing and spending money hammering up with other royals around the world, she held that shit down.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

And thank God he said something, because like a bunch of those kings just like dying off without naming anybody, and he was like, her. Yeah, you like I need you. Real quick, yeah, before anybody has any questions, she's queen.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

If I die, she's queen.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

Yes, I thank you. Um, so a few weeks into her regency, the smallpox epidemic broke out, so she stopped all communications between the islands. Uh vessels were prohibited from transporting passengers. She maintained a strict quarantine for people infected or suspected of being infected. Why? What? Because I mean, why is that so hard to do? People get it together.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

Put a mask on? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Anyway, um I thought you were looking at me like I did something wrong. I was like, I didn't fucking do anything.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

No, I'm just looking at you like, what the fuck is wrong with us? If I do. Um, so she did such an amazing job that once these regulations were relaxed, uh, they discovered that no cases were reported other than the place of its first appearance. And it was confined to Honolulu. Um, there were some 800 cases and 300 deaths. So she locked that shit down. Um uh and then during this time she was on a trip uh around Oahu and she learned that President Garfield was assassinated. Um, she was invited to attend one of his memorials, but politely declined because she felt she could not change the arrangements for the current tour she was on and sent her sympathy. So she was like, this guy fucking died, that's fine. I still have things to do. I don't know him.

SPEAKER_00 40:39

But I'll send flowers. Sure. Yeah. Bummer for you.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

Um, she also had to sign the death warrant of a prominent judge. Don't ask me what he did, I have no idea. Um, and after his death, she was in charge of filling his seat on the cabinet. So she murdered this dude essentially and was like, I got his spot now. Did you already talk about her carriage accident?

SPEAKER_00 41:02

No.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

Okay. All right. So also during this time, she was in like a very serious accident. Uh the person driving their carriage lost control of the horses and it went down um a hill and she was thrown from the carriage. She luckily landed on a spot of marshy ground in between two rocks. If she had landed anywhere else, it would have been like an instant death. Um, she was put on a stretcher and carried all the way to Waymanolo Weimanolo. It's a steamer boat, and taken back to Washington Place. Her injuries were not severe, her back was wrenched and strained, and it took her more than six months to recover and regain full movement without assistance from her attendants. And now I'm here to ask you about the bayonet constitution.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

You know, I actually um I didn't write too much about it because um I'm trying this thing called brevity.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Uh I think I have a little bit about it as well.

SPEAKER_02 42:08

Which is they they held him at gunpoint. Um, they literally were like, you're gonna fucking sign this. Um, and it really it cut down his strength as a monarch to, like we said, basically just a pretty face. Um, to say, look, see, we still have a Hawaiian in charge. And it was really weedy, super duper hard on him. Um and she uh Queen Lily actually thought that it had caused his um his death because he was so against having to sign away all of this uh power for his country. Right. Because that's a really hard blow to take. Um and it she basically was like broke his heart um to have to take this uh oath of you know Americans get everything that they want at the cost of Hawaiians and their health and well-being.

Charges, Revolt, And Imprisonment

SPEAKER_03 43:09

Um yeah. That's kind of so like they're trying to force him to do this, but at the same time, in 1881, after the revolution, she was approached by some of the members of the cabinet and asked if she would take the throne. So they explained they wanted the king to retire and for her to take over reign, and she would receive full support from the missionary party. Um, she imagined she would be a willing tool to carry out all of their projects. So she's not a good one.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

She knew she was really seemed like that, didn't she? Um with all of her, you know, f founding educational societies and banks and savings and loans for Hawaiians and Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

She was definitely willing to

SPEAKER_02 44:00

She really seemed like a rollover puppet type.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

Oh for sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

Um well getting to King Kalakua uh hi his death that you kind of mentioned. Um so she had three regencies under him because he liked to travel a lot. So the last was after the revolution. Um there were rumors of domestic unrest and she was being bar aided. Oh, so basically they told her to announce that the capital was going to be attacked. Yes. Yes, yeah. So in the beginning of 1891, the king's ship had returned with his deceased body. So like they're trying to get him to sign this this treaty, this what was it? The bayonet constitution while he was gone. And then like they're forcing her to do all of it because he's not there. Uh so within a few hours, a meeting was being held to witness her taking the oath of office. Um she wanted to wait until after the king was buried and they could hold a funeral, but they insisted it must happen now. So like the second his dead body came back to Hawaii, they were like, Okay, this bitch is queen now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:20

But there so before we move on from him, I just wanted to close out his uh yeah, his reign here. So his legacy is one of music and culture. They still have the Mary Monarch Festival, which is a large-scale hula competition that's held yearly. Um he's credited with reviving the Hawaiian martial art of Lua and surfing. In 1886, he had appointed five Hawaiians, native Hawaiians, to the Hawaiian Board of Health, and they oversaw licensing of traditional healing arts, and he appointed the first Hawaiian curator to the Hawaiian National Museum. So he did a lot of things um for Hawaii and Hawaiians to maintain their culture and um and their their traditional ways. Unfortunately, you know, American businessmen had a strong hold, um, and they were willing to do whatever they needed to to um to get their way. Um yeah, sounds about right. So Lily had proven she's a good option because she's like, she's like, here's my fucking resume bitches. Um and it's pretty amazing. And they were um the Hawaiian people are like, nice track record, we like you. Um even if she wasn't like the head bitch in charge up until that point, they're like, We're totally cool with this. Like, you seem like a really great person. But then, you know, like you said, brother dies, and these white men just like kick down the door and they're like, hey, to be queen means doing what you're told. You know, like all the other women, but you have such prettier dresses, and isn't that nice? You have dresses and people to dress you, and she was like, mmm, okay.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

Yeah, that's okay. That's literally what so like the day after the burial, um, a meeting was held with the now queen to discuss her new cabinet. Um, needless to say, it didn't go well, and these old white men would not listen to her and were honestly doing all they could to just like take over. So they just wanted her as a puppet. Like they were like, you're we just want to sit still, look pretty, and do what you're told. Exactly. Yeah. Um and then in July, her husband became Prince Consort, but he died in August. I don't know the cause of death, um, but it sounds like he was sick for a long time.

SPEAKER_02 47:49

Yeah, I can't remember what it was, but yeah, I think it was just regular old illness and nothing exciting.

SPEAKER_03 47:55

Yeah. Just that's fine. He's not important anyway. Uh during the beginning of her regency, the legislative meetings were mainly about assigning members to the cabinet and any commissions made by the queen herself were voted out immediately and dismissed. Yep. So during this time, yeah during this time. Yes, whose cabinet this is. It's mine.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Yeah. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Yeah, you're dismissed. Um the Emperor's new groove. You're fired. You're being lico. You're moving on to other options.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

Oh my god. Oh yes. She's like, oh you're fired.

SPEAKER_02 48:37

Thank you. Have a good day. And then they just come back with a full easema.

Abdication And The Cliffhanger

SPEAKER_03 48:40

Yes. They sure did. Um during this time, Commissioner James H. Blount was brought into investigation to overthrow the constitutional government of Hawaii and found that she was the constitutional ruler of Hawaii and not the cabinet. So this dude was on her side. He was like, hey, this is her shit. Knock it off. But um, instead of, you know, letting her reign like she's supposed to, uh, they charged her with three crimes. Three. Um, she was proposed to amulligate. Promulgate? Promulligate. Okay. A new constitution essentially giving back the ruling sovereign their power and taking away from the cabinet. So currently the cabinet has more power than she does. So she's trying to get this new constitution to get her power back. So they charged her with that. She was charged with um signing a lottery bill. Uh current rule stated that the reigning sovereign shall and must sign anything the cabinet presented to them. And uh, she proposed to issue license for the importation of sale of opium.

unknown 49:54

Ah, God.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

Yeah, so once uh the provisional government had been recognized, she could do no more and retired to her private residence to wait for the decision of the US government. So they were like, we're charging you with this bullshit. You go sit in your house and we'll tell you what's going on someday. What year was this? 1895.

SPEAKER_02 50:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 50:21

Some of her supporters actually revolted, which resulted in her being imprisoned and forced to give up the throne. Um, months before this revolt, her doctor visited her because she was suffering from nervous prostration and she was prescribed electricity for two years. Um, she signed the papers to abdicate from the throne in January of 1898. She stated that she only signed the paper in order to save the lives of those who were imprisoned after the revolt. She would have rather chosen death than sign those documents. Those were her words.

SPEAKER_02 51:15

So we may have made an oopsie and talked for a wee bit too long. So this is going to be part one of a part two series. How exciting for you! Sorry, we get a little carried away. A little bit. So yeah, I hope that you enjoyed this part one, and we'll come back in a couple weeks with our part two. Um, and we are so excited to share the rest of this with you. Hope you love this cliffhanger.