The Senior Zone
The Senior Zone is the DMV’s #1 weekly radio program dedicated to empowering adults 50+ to live fuller, healthier, and more informed lives — now available on demand as a podcast.
Hosted by Shawn Perry since 2012, The Senior Zone features thoughtful conversations with trusted experts, community leaders, advocates, and everyday people doing extraordinary work in aging, health, finance, caregiving, and purposeful living. From timely resources and consumer protections to inspiration, wisdom, and real talk — this is where experience meets opportunity.
Whether you’re planning your next chapter, supporting a loved one, or simply committed to thriving beyond expectations, The Senior Zone delivers insight, clarity, and encouragement — one meaningful conversation at a time.
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📍 Originally broadcast on WYCB 1340AM (Washington, DC)
The Senior Zone
Ep. 715 | Healthy Mouths, Caring Hearts: Dental Wellness and Meaningful Caregiving
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Healthy aging involves more than treating problems after they arise. It also means paying attention to the quieter signals our bodies and emotions may be sending us.
On this edition of The Senior Zone, host Shawn Perry begins with a conversation about dental and oral health as we age.
Dr. Usman Ahmad, Administrative Dental Director at Mary’s Center, explains what older adults should know about changes involving their teeth and gums, the effects medications and chronic health conditions may have on oral health and the barriers that can make receiving dental care more difficult or expensive.
Then, Shawn welcomes Dr. Allison J. Applebaum, caregiving expert and author of Stand By Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving.
Dr. Applebaum discusses the emotional and psychological realities of caregiving, including stress, guilt, isolation, changing family roles and the importance of caring for yourself while supporting someone you love.
The program concludes with Birthdays of the Week, Dear Grave Woman by Joelle Simone, and the Later Life Lowdown, featuring news, resources and announcements for older adults throughout Washington, D.C., Maryland and Northern Virginia.
The Senior Zone is the DMV’s number-one weekly radio program serving the 50-plus community since 2012.
Thank you for listening and until we meet again…keep your head high, your heart full, and always — be someone who makes someone else look forward to their tomorrow.
Welcome and Weekly Vitamin
SPEAKER_10Welcome to the Senior Zone, where we connect older adults with the organizations and resources that serve them.
SPEAKER_02The Senior Zone's goal aims to educate, empower, enlighten, entertain, and engage older adults with the tools and information to stay healthy, happy, and secure.
SPEAKER_04Great guests, health tips, upcoming events, and useful information.
SPEAKER_02So get ready to take notes and have some fun.
SPEAKER_04It's now time for the senior zone.
SPEAKER_11Welcome, family, to another edition of the Senior Zone, your DMV's number one weekly radio program serving our 50 plus community. I'm your host, Sean Perry, and as always, I am truly grateful that you've chosen to spend part of your day with us. Here at the Senior Zone, we believe aging should never mean becoming invisible, unheard, or overlooked. It should mean continuing to live with dignity, purpose, access, and the confidence to advocate for the care and quality of life that we all deserve. And that brings us to this week's weekly vitamin, a dose of encouragement and inspiration to carry you through the days ahead. So here we go. Do not wait for a crisis to give yourself care. Pay attention to the quiet signals. Honor what your body is telling you. Protect the heart that keeps showing up for everybody else, because caring for yourself is not stepping away from your purpose. It is what helps you continue living in it. So this week, make the appointment. Ask the question. Accept the help. Take the break. You are not a burden because you have needs and you do not have to earn the right to be cared for. And that was your weekly vitamin. And now today's program is about two areas of life that can be easy to overlook until they begin demanding our attention. Our oral health and the emotional health of those providing care. In segment one, we're focusing on an important part of healthy aging that does not always receive enough attention: our dental and oral health. Changes involving medications, nutrition, chronic health conditions, teeth and gums can all affect our health as we grow older, yet, dental care can also become more difficult to access and afford. So, joining us to explain what older adults should be watching for and why the health of the mouth may be connected to the health of the entire body is Dr. Ousman Ahmad, Administrative Dental Director at Mary Center. And then in segment two, we'll turn our attention to caregiving, the love behind it, the responsibility within it, and the emotional weight that often comes with it. Caregivers may be spouses, adult children, friends, or older adults caring for another older adult. And while caregiving can be deeply meaningful, it can also leave people feeling exhausted, isolated, and overwhelmed. So joining us to help caregivers navigate that experience without completely losing themselves is Dr. Allison Applebaum, caregiving expert and author of Stand By Me, a Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving. And before we finish today's show, we'll celebrate our birthdays of the week. Here, another thoughtful edition of Dear Grave Woman by Joelle Simone, and then bring you your later life lowdown, news, resources, and announcements for older adults throughout the DMV. And remember, folks, when the live broadcast ends, the conversation continues. The Senior Zone Podcast is available on demand through Spotify, Apple, Amazon, iHeartRadio, and other major podcast platforms so you can listen when it works for you, revisit a conversation, or share an episode with someone who may need it. And before we take this quick break, I want to send some love and some gratitude to our sponsors and partners. So thank you, Legal Counsel for the Elderly, AARP of the District of Columbia, AARP of the State of Maryland, Compassion and Choices, Jewish Council for the Aging, Mary's Center, and the DC Department of Aging and Community Living. Folks, we'll be right back after this short break, brought to you by Legal Counsel for the Elderly, providing free legal and social work services to DC residents most in need. Don't change that dial. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_04Legal Counsel for the Elderly champions the dignity and rights of D.C. elders by providing free legal and social work services to those in need. Worried about eviction or foreclosure? Need help obtaining Social Security or Veterans Benefits? Call Legal Counsel for the Elderly at 202-434-2120. Income eligibility applies. LCE is an affiliate of AARP 202-434-2120.
SPEAKER_03Attention, listeners, criminals are consistently developing new ways to steal your hard-earned money and personal information. But the AARP Fraud Watch Network is here to help you protect yourself and your loved ones. See or report scams in your area with our scam tracking map. Get guidance from our trained fraud specialists, and sign up to receive information on the latest scams. Knowledge is power. If you can spot a scam, you can stop a scam. Get more tips and resources at AARP.org slash fraudwatch network.
SPEAKER_11Welcome back,
Dental Health After 50 with Dr. Usman Ahmad
SPEAKER_11family, to the senior zone. I am your host, Sean Perry. Now let me ask you something. When was the last time you really thought about the health of your mouth? Not just whether your teeth looked good, but what your mouth might be telling you about the health of the rest of your body. Because as we get older, changes involving our teeth, gums, medications, nutrition, and overall health can make dental care more important than ever. So joining me to help us better understand what we should be paying attention to is Dr. Usman Ahmad, Administrative Dental Director at Mary Center. Dr. Ahmad, welcome to the Senior Zone.
SPEAKER_00Thank you, Sean. I'm really happy to be here and to talk about this topic as it's very important for the community.
SPEAKER_11It is a pleasure to have you here, sir. So, Dr. Ahmad, let's begin with the big picture. Why does oral health become especially important as we enter our 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond?
SPEAKER_00Oral health is a very important part of aging. As we grow older, the one thing that most of our patients are just experience is changes in their oral cavity. It's an area that's quite often ignored as other problems are starting to health problems are starting to arise. One thing that we start seeing is gum recession, wear and tear in our teeth, dry mouth due to medication, and any type of systemic illness or disease can lead to oral health um problems. Now, with that, you can lead to cavities, gum disease, loose teeth, toot loss. Now, the good news, if we start focusing on oral health early, we can start catching some of these problems before it leads to a bigger issue. And our main goal is we want people to maintain their smile and their functionality, to enjoy their lifestyle. And we understand that's extremely important in dental.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, well, thank you. And that is an important place uh to begin our discussion. I want you to help us connect some dots, uh, Dr. Ahmad. What can the condition of our teeth and gums tell us about our overall health and what health problems might be affected by poor oral health?
SPEAKER_00One of the first things a lot of patients don't realize, a lot of our elderly population doesn't understand, is our oral cavity is one of the first areas in the human body where changes occur due to SSM diseases. Number one would be diabetes. Um inside the oral cavity, one of the first issues that go on is inflamed gum line, bleeding gums, um mobility of teeth, and even um even um dry mouth. Patients will understand that sometimes these diseases lead to oral changes, and oral changes are where we catch some of the some of these aspects first. When we start noticing something in dental, we can lead you right down to a medical provider and tell them, hey, maybe you should get your um your blood pressure checked to see if any of you have hypertension. Maybe you should follow a medical just to see what your uh hemoglobin A1C is, and that can lead to early signs of diabetes. Now, with this, we also have nutritional deficiencies that occur as well. And poor oral health can also lead to by the time we catch it, we don't want to catch it too late. That's our main thing. I can't I can't say that like if we can catch it early just by having people regular appointments every six months, we can catch it, we can catch issues early and lead you right to medical, and then you give a follow-up with your diet or your medical error about diabetes, hypertension, and then we can even get you in the right path for dental so we make sure we maintain the oral hygiene and we're not leading to loss and not leading to bigger issues going on.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, so with all of that being said, Dr. Martin, I appreciate what you just uh mentioned. What are some of the most common dental problems that you see among older adults and which symptoms should never be dismissed as simply a normal part of aging?
SPEAKER_00Number one is bleeding gums. I cannot say enough, bleeding gums is not normal. Um, some patients start believing, especially older population, they believe bleeding gums is a normal part, and bleeding gums is never normal. Whenever we see bleeding gums, we have to always dig a little deeper. And bleeding gums doesn't also mean something's going on below the layer of the gum line. That's where the radiographs become very essential for us. One thing a lot of our population doesn't see is the bone level. The gum line is just a blanket, but at the end of the day, the the bone is what holds the tooth end. If we start losing bone, it's very hard for us to get back bone. And once we lose too much bone, all we end up doing is just taking out teeth. So that's the one thing. If we can catch it early, maybe we can see what's going on. And if you start having plaque below the gum line, that plaque is nothing but bad bacteria that all it does is destroys the gum, destroys the bone level and starts making their gum line more and more inflamed. And our goal, my number one goal for elderly population is I don't want the bone level to go away. Once the bone level goes away, we start having deeper issues. And when we pull out teeth and we lose too much bone, then we have issues when it comes to implants or dentures. Even if we have to take out a tooth, my number one goal is how can we get you back to functionality? And that's kind of where I'm always at. So if I can maintain the oral hygiene in a good state of mind, we can get you back to functionality. I just don't like to deal with a problem. I like to go on beyond the problem and say, How can we get you back and restore your overall health? Um, another thing we tend to see a lot of uh in our early population is root cavities and broken down teeth. Now, unfortunately, whenever we hit root cavities, it's not something that's really saveable for us once it goes way below the gum line. We're fortunate in that place. We're just talking about extractions, but even extractions, I like to remind patients that we can bring it back, we can find a replacement for you to get you back to the state of health you are. But the best part of that we've done all things that are advanced so far that no one will know when we put a replacement in the mouth, which is great. And we can make things feel so comfortable these days. I don't think a lot of patients understand. But it's not this big block of plastic we put in the mouth anymore to find replacement when it comes to dentures. There's a lot of different ways with crowns, bridges, and um even a lot thinner dentures than we used to have that can make a lot easier for patients to get back to their functionality, but also be able to have their aesthetics and be able to smile out of the public. Yeah.
SPEAKER_11So, folks, pay attention. If your gums are bleeding, go seek care uh as soon as you possibly can. Uh, Dr. Ahmad, you know, my family, you know, when they hit 60, seem seemingly most folks of in my family, they, you know, had tooth loss, right? So as a as someone coming up, I was always concerned about tooth loss. Is tooth loss an inevitable part of aging? I'm just curious, or can most people keep their natural teeth for life, assuming there's proper care?
SPEAKER_00No, tooth loss is not an inevitable part of aging. Um tooth loss is something unless you have a systemic disease. And unfortunately, I will be honest with our diabetic population. That's an area that um we can try to maintain the bone the best we can, but that's where I know it's the most bone loss. But we can slow down the progression, is my number one issue. My number one key takeaway point with patients. But it's not enough, it's not a normal part of aging. Um with proper oral hygiene, I've even had patients make it to 100 that I saw that had it all minus the wisdom teeth. I'm not gonna talk about the wisdom teeth, but the remaining 28 teeth have been able to retain all 28 teeth in good or good um in good uh condition. So toot loss is not a normal part of aging. It's definitely not a normal part of aging. And with proper oral hygiene, proper regular checkouts, proper home care at home. And I know we talked earlier, right before we got on, we talked about electric toothbrushes, flossers, and as well as water picks. Oral hygiene at home is an essential part of overall health. And if you can maintain the oral hygiene, we can retain all the teeth of the mouth.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, yeah. You know, dental care is health care, and I've learned that over the years. Uh, I am curious, you mentioned uh bleeding gums, but are there other early signs of gum disease? And and why might someone have a serious gum problem without immediately realizing it?
SPEAKER_00The earliest stage is actually an inflamed gum line before we even get to the bleeding gums. And um, normally the gum line should have this nice smooth cuffed edge. But when you start seeing gum lines getting a little bit puffy, that is the earlier stage of gum disease. Now, when it's just puffy, all it's called is gingivitis, so we haven't really got too far. But once we get to bleeding gums, that means we haven't really focused on over hygiene. And mainly it's flossing, is my number one thing. As long as we get the floss in there, that's uh very essential part of a morning and evening. I know it takes a little bit extra part of the day, but it doesn't take too long to floss, and you know, we want to retain our teeth. But the number one sign is definitely a puffy gum, a puffy gum line as well. We also have um odor from the from the oral cavity as well. As we start having the plaque and tartar build up below the gum line, that plaque and tartar turn into a hard rock, and that hard rock is called calculus, and that bacteria is just growing and growing and growing and giving off odors as well in the mouth.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Let's talk about medications, Dr. Ahmad. Many older adults, you know, take prescription medications. How can medications contribute to uh dental decay, dental problems?
SPEAKER_00Well, a lot of the medications out there lead to dry mouth. So we have we have a lot of saliva gans on the mouth and various areas coming out, not just below the tongue, but also on the cheeks as well. The saliva constantly washes the bacteria off the tooth. As long as we have saliva flowing around the mouth, any of that bacteria that likes to sit on the tooth can be flushed away pretty well with saliva throughout the day. Yeah, I know there's a lot of medications, especially with the hypertension medications, that lead to dry mouth. When you have dry mouth, the saliva is not flowing. When the saliva's not flowing, that bacteria can sit there uninterrupted sitting on the teeth. And when it starts sitting uninterrupted on the teeth, it starts formulating what it wants to do. It starts digging deeper into the bone, it goes below the gum line, it'll find little cracks in the tooth, it'll create cracks in the tooth, and it leads to bigger openings in the tooth, which is where you end up getting into cavities and deeper issues involved as well. And once we get to cavities, we hope we can catch it before it gets bigger, where it touches the nerve. And once it touches the nerve, it gets to root canals. But dry mouth is my number one issue with medications, usually. And once we get to dry mouth, it's just it's just a feeding area for bacteria to allow to sit on the tooth and grow. Now we do have certain um ways to help. I know one thing I uh tell a lot of patients there is some um mouthwashes to help out with uh accelerating saliva. Biotine is a very good resource to use for mouthwash to help uh promote saliva production as well.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. So let's switch with the time that we have left, uh, Dr. uh Ahmad, and talk about Mary Center. Tell us about the dental services uh at Mary Center, that which you provide, and how your team helps make care more accessible and affordable to older adults and members of our community.
SPEAKER_00So Mary Center is a great organization. Um when I started at Mary Center and I went over this, we started I started in 2020. Mary Center was just a simple fill and drill site. We just did fillings, we did cleanings, and we sent patients off their merry way. We made a push in 2022, and in 2023 we really took off at Mary Center to enhancing our services. We really accelerated our root canals, crowns, bridges, but the main area of focus that I was very happy about is restoring functionality with dentures. Getting patients back in their oral in their oral cavity and getting them back to functionality is my number one goal in dental. Um dentures have been very, very beneficial to the patients that I've seen. Um I know a lot of our patients they fear coming to the dentist, but I let them know whenever you come see me. I'm never just thinking about just a problem, I'm thinking about the future, and I want to get you to where you need to get to. So we offer their bridges, we offer crowns, we offer dentures, we offer rookinals. And of course, I we have to take patients out of pain, so we do offer extractions as well. We offer all the major services at Mary Center, which is great. And as we talk about oral hygiene, we have rapidly increased our in-house deep cleanings as well, which is really help out our elderly population because the deep cleaning is essential. Sometimes when the bacteria is sitting a little too far below the gun line, then we gotta go a little bit deeper. And we follow up with our patients, uh making sure they come every three months for their for their follow-up after the deep cleanings as well. Mary Center is never just dealing with just your immediate problems, dealing with the future, and then the constant follow-ups, and that's something we'll do. We don't like to like get the patients lost in the system. I promise you, patients not lost in the system. Every patient gets a loss because they just don't pick up the phone anymore on us. You know, everything happens. Sometimes people's phone numbers change or lifestyle issues, they move out the area, but we keep following up with patients even left the area and tell them, hey, you're due for your cleaning again, you're due for your six-month exam.
SPEAKER_11Dr. Ahmad, we are out of time, my friend. I do welcome you back. But uh in about 10 seconds or so, any uh closing remarks, final words?
SPEAKER_00Please follow with your dentist every six months, and oral hygiene care at home is very essential. Brushing twice a day, flossing twice a day, and just following up with us every six months.
SPEAKER_11Gotcha, gotcha. Wow. Dr. Uzman Ahmad, administrative dental director at Mary Center. Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us and reminding us that oral health is an important part of our overall health. Family, don't wait for the pain to make dental care a priority. Stay proactive, ask questions, and take care of that beautiful smile. Dr. Ahmad, thank you again for joining us here on the Scene to Zone.
SPEAKER_00Thank you, Sean. Really appreciate it.
SPEAKER_11I appreciate you. Folks, this next break is brought to you by Compassion and Choices, empowering everyone to chart their own end of life journey. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_01And life choices matter. Compassion and Choices is here to support you on your journey. Our organization provides a wealth of resources to help you navigate difficult decisions with compassion and understanding. Need guidance on end-of-life choices? Visit our website at compassionatechoices.org for a range of informative articles, toolkits, and personal stories. Our compassionate team is just a call away, ready to assist you. Because, let's face it, talking about death is not gonna kill you. Compassion and Choices, empowering you to make choices that reflect your values.
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SPEAKER_05Montgomery County Ship. 301-255-4250. Made possible with a grant from the U.S. Administration for Community Living through the state of Maryland and Montgomery County.
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Meaningful Caregiving with Dr. Allison J. Applebaum
SPEAKER_11Good morning, family, and welcome back to the Senior Zone. I am your host, Sean Perry, and today we're opening up a conversation that touches nearly every family at some point. Caregiving. Now, caregiving can be an act of love, it can be sacred, it can be beautiful. But let's also be honest it can be exhausting, confusing, lonely, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming, especially when the caregiver is a spouse and a Adult child, a close friend, or even an older adult caring for another older adult. My guest today is Dr. Alison Applebaum, author of a new book entitled Stand By Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving. Her work focuses on the emotional, psychological, and very human side of caregiving, not just what caregivers do, but what caregivers carry. Dr. Applebaum, welcome to the Senior Zone.
SPEAKER_07Thank you so much for having me, Sean. It's so wonderful to be here.
SPEAKER_11It is a pleasure to have you here. First time visitor to the Singer Zone. So welcome, welcome, welcome. Dr. Applebaum, before we get into the research and the programs, I want to start with the human side. When you hear the word caregiver, what do you wish more people understood about who caregivers are and what they are really carrying each and every day?
SPEAKER_08Well, I think that whenever I hear a question like this, I always reflect on the words of former First Lady Rosalind Carter, who was an incredible advocate for family caregivers. And she devoted her public service to addressing the mental health needs of caregivers. And she said there are only four kinds of people in this world: those who were caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers, which means that all of you listening in, this is a role that touches all of you. It's a role that is so universal, it's so human. And it's a role that we enter and we exit repeatedly throughout our lives. It's one that deeply changes who we are, and it deeply changes a trajectory for our life moving forward. I think that for many, there is an assumption that caregiving will just get taken care of somehow. But the reality that is that caregiving is extremely challenging, can be extremely challenging for most. And the reverberations last for a lifetime.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. You know, Dr. Applebaum, in my years of doing uh this, you know, and having this topic here on the senior zone, I've learned that many caregivers, they don't even call themselves caregivers. They'll say things like, I'm just being a wife, I'm just helping my father, or that's just what families do. With that being said, Dr. Applebaum, why will so many family caregivers fail to recognize themselves as caregivers? And why does that matter when it comes to getting help, support, and resources?
SPEAKER_08Well, in how you asked this question, you you actually answered part of it, which is that for so many of us, um, the roles that we assume as partners, spouses, husbands, wives, daughters, sons, that as part of those roles, we assume responsibility. It's part of what it means to be a good daughter, to take care of your parents as they age. There's an assumption that the acts of caregiving are part of just the natural order of life. And it's what one does as an adult child. And certainly when one, if and when one makes an agreement to be in a committed partnership, perhaps even legally marry someone, you say till death, do us part, right? This is part of the role and the responsibility. And so I think in part that's why so many caregivers don't identify as caregivers. Number two, I think it's that there's just um really a lack of awareness of what it means to be a caregiver. So, from my perspective, a caregiver is a parent, partner, children, sibling, friend, anyone who is involved in any type of care of a patient living with a chronic or life-limiting illness, disability, or mental health challenge. And that care can be physical, it can be emotional, spiritual, or financial, it can be any type of care. And so I think there's really a lack of education about what it means to be a caregiver. And then number three, and this probably goes to other things I might want to touch on, is that our healthcare systems don't do a very good job of actually identifying those daughters, those partners, those spouses, those siblings as caregivers. And that too leads to sort of confusion around the role. And all of this matters so much because if one does not identify as a caregiver in some way, then one is not going to access caregiver-specific resources. They're not going to realize that they're eligible for that support group. They're eligible for that tax benefit. They're eligible for whatever that thing might be. And so it's really important, I think this is this is so critical, um, that caregivers become more comfortable with identifying with the role and speaking up and saying, yes, I am a caregiver. I'm his daughter, but I'm also a caregiver.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, and that right there is uh the crux or the center of why I wanted to have this conversation uh with you. And I would also add, Dr. Applebaum, you know, once someone realizes, hey, wait a minute, I am a caregiver, that can bring up a whole range of say emotions like pride and love and guilt and fear, resentment, even grief, sometimes all in the same uh day as I have learned. With all of that being said, Dr. Applebaum, what are some of the emotional warning signs that a care, that caregiving is starting to take a serious toll on someone's mental health?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_08And I love the way that you introduced this question because you acknowledge both the good and the bad, the meaning, the purpose, the growth, the benefit, and also the challenges. Um, I'm a clinical psychologist by training. I address mental health challenges, and I get concerned when I hear caregivers tell me that they are so overwhelmed or burdened by caregiving that they can no longer get out of bed. It's difficult to get out of bed in the morning. It's difficult to face the day. When caregivers tell me that because of the distress that they experience, they're not able to take care of their care partner. They're not able to fulfill the responsibilities they said they would assume. Um, and very clearly, I get very concerned when caregivers share with me any thoughts that life might not be worth living any longer, what we call suicidal ideation. These are really the red flag warning signs that I'm listening for and keeping my eyes and ears out for. On the flip side, I just want to acknowledge that it is very normal as a caregiver to feel distress, to feel anxiety, which can manifest as worry, which is repetitive thoughts about what could happen in the future, or rumination, thinking about what happened in the past or replaying it. It's very common for caregivers to have symptoms of depression, sadness, and feelings of helplessness. But I think the point is that these symptoms, when they're mild or they're transient, are probably, you know, they're they're they're they're acceptable in the context of caregiving, and they're likely not that impairing. But if they really limit one's capacity to go about their caregiving responsibilities, and very importantly, all of their other responsibilities. Let's be honest, caregiving doesn't happen in a vacuum, right? It's superimposed on other life responsibilities, employment, family obligations, and the responsibility we all have to take care of ourselves. And if one is no longer able to fulfill all those responsibilities because of caregiving, that's a warning sign to me that they need increased support.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, great stuff for Dr. Applebaum. Uh, let's talk about older adults because I did mention in my intro older adults caring for older adults. For older adults who are caring for, say, a spouse, a partner, a sibling, or a friend, what makes their caregiving experience different? And what do they need to be especially mindful of?
SPEAKER_08Well, when I work with older adults who are caregivers, um, one of the most important elements of our conversation is focus on their own physical health and well-being. As older adults are very vulnerable to have their own chronic or life-limiting illnesses, disabilities, or mental health challenges. And so what's really important is to ensure if you're an older adult listening, that you are keeping up with your appointments, that you are seeing your doctors, that you are getting your screenings done, and that you are in the best health possible in order to be able to care for your care partner. This is particularly important for older adult caregivers who, again, are incredibly vulnerable and face their own physical and health challenges.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. You just mentioned this a couple of questions to go, but I want to address it briefly again. You know, many of our listeners are adult children trying to care for a parent while also doing life, right? Juggling work, marriage, children, finances, and their own health. With that being said, what advice do you give for, say, adult children who are trying to care for an aging parent without completely losing themselves in the process?
SPEAKER_08There's so many things to say. Um, number one is to delegate and to recognize that there's so many caregiving-related responsibilities on your plate and also so many life responsibilities on your plate. And when we add caregiving, and I think um the National Alliance for Caregiving back in 2025 said on average, caregivers are in the role for 20, something like 27 hours a week, average, and that one-fifth of caregivers are in the role for this is a full-time job. It's like 40 hours, you know, it's a it's it's it's a full-time job during the week of 40-hour work week, which means that if you're adding caregiving onto your plate, other things are going to need to go. Um, so as you take care of a parent, it's very important to consider with your new caregiving responsibilities, where where else on your plate can things be taken off? And if they cannot, to whom can you delegate responsibilities? I know many of the adult children I've worked with and myself, I'll say I took care of my father for a decade. He lived with Louis body disease. Um, you know, I realized that while I was not going to delegate to my close friends hands-on caregiving, the day-to-day helping him to get washed, to get changed, to take his medicine, I was more comfortable delegating other things like grocery shopping or navigating, making sure the home was clean and that sort of thing. And so I think it's really important to consider who in your social support network might be able to help you to take on some of the responsibilities and take off some of those responsibilities from your very full plate.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I've heard many caregivers say or caregiver experts say here on the show uh the phrase losing oneself or losing yourself, which is powerful uh because caregiving can, as I've learned, shrink one's world, right? Folks stop seeing their friends, they stop going places, they stop resting. And before you know one knows it, their whole identity is wrapped around, you know, caregiving, someone else's uh needs. So, with that being said, how can caregivers uh stay connected to their own identity, their own joy, their own sense of purpose while still showing love for the person they are caring for?
SPEAKER_08I love this question because this is one of the most common themes that comes up in the support that I do with caregivers, and that is becoming disconnected from one's sense of self. One of the best things that you can do if you are a caregiver right now and you are feeling completely disconnected from who you are, is to imagine a time before you stepped into the caregiving role and ask yourself the following question: Who am I? And answer that question. It can be from any perspective, it can be the activities you participate in, it could be how you physically look, all the things about who you are. And then think about the answer to that question in the present moment. And likely there's things that have very much changed. And my challenge for all of you is to make a point to reconnect to a part of yourself that was very important to your sense of identity before caregiving. Um, I'm gonna give you an example to bring this to life. I um had worked with a caregiver who um her passion, her hobby, her love was being in the garden. She loved to have her hands in the soil and to be working with the plants. Um, that brought her joy, it brought her peace. It was how she found her Zen. Um, she had moved to New York City to take uh to for her her care partner's uh medical care. And they were living in a temporary apartment in New York City. And she clearly did not have a large garden to tend to while she was living in New York City. And one of the things we talked about was how she could derive benefit from figuring out a way to connect that part of herself, albeit differently. So while she couldn't have a full garden, we realized that she could put together window boxes in her small New York City apartment. And doing that allowed her to reconnect to the part of herself that always felt a joy of peace, a sense of peace and joy and transcendence when she was gardening. So so I recognize fully that while you all may not be able to completely do the things you once did, you if you're an athlete or you went to the gym five days a week, clearly that may not be possible. But how in what small way can you reconnect that part of yourself that's athletic, that's active? Um, maybe it's going for a 20-minute run in the morning. And while that might not be the same as getting to the gym five days a week, if you do that once or twice a week, that may help to for you to feel a little bit more connected to your sense of self.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, great story, great uh suggestions. I want to switch now and talk about guilt, because guilt is one of those things that caregivers don't always say out loud, but they most likely they feel it within, they feel it deeply. How should caregivers handle the guilt that comes when they need a break, feel frustrated, consider outside help, or just realize they cannot do everything themselves?
SPEAKER_08So as a psychologist, I strongly believe that guilt is very misunderstood. Um, we feel guilt, and I know someone feels guilt when I hear the woulda shudda kudas, right? The Dr. Applebaum, I shouldn't be here, I should be at his bedside. Dr. Applebaum, I shouldn't be here. I'm not the patient with cancer or dementia. I'm just the caregiver. And when I hear the woulda shudda kuddas, when I hear the guilt, my caregiver is saying to me, I'm letting someone else down, right? I'm letting my care partner down. But in reality, that's actually wrong. When we feel guilt, we are actually letting ourselves down, or we're about to let ourselves down. It's actually a sign that we are neglecting our own needs. That deep down we know that we are compromising ourselves. And so I encourage all caregivers, when you feel that guilt, ask yourself if I were to do what that voice in my head is saying for me to do, if I were to follow the lead of the guilt, in what way would I neglect my own needs? In what way would I hurt myself? And instead, I encourage all of you to then pivot and go in the other direction. Guilt is a powerful red flag that you're neglecting your own needs, your own self-care, and that it is time to redirect energy to yourself. And so I encourage you to start to use guilt as a motivation for improved self-care. And I just want to say on that note, self-care is a phrase that gets thrown around so much with caregivers. Um, and oftentimes the assumption is self-care means a vacation or a spa day. And I hope everyone who's listening who's a caregiver gets a vacation and a spa day. And I also know as a former active caregiver, that's virtually impossible when you're in the trenches. So I encourage you to think small. Self-care can be a walk around the block. Self-care can be saying no to someone, it can be setting boundaries. It's anything that you can do to protect your energy because as a caregiver, you do not have a limitless supply. So I am a big fan of guilt because I actually think guilt can really help us to take better care of ourselves.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I've said it a thousand times here, Dr. Albaum. Self-care is not selfish, right? So I applaud and agree with everything you said. But your response to that last question leads me into a practical issue many families face, and that is asking for help, right? Uh what is the best way for a caregiver to ask family, friends, faith communities, or neighbors for help in a way that is specific, realistic, and not filled with, say, shame?
SPEAKER_08So I encourage caregivers to create a list, to write down everything that they need help with, whether it's the big ticket items, transferring my husband to the hospital or doing the grocery shopping or mowing the lawn or watching the child, write out a list of everything that you need to do in the next week or two. Now, the reality is that oftentimes caregivers are asked by friends and family and acquaintances and colleagues who are well-meaning, what can I do to help you? And a caregiver often feels overwhelmed by the question, often feels shame. But if you actually have a list and someone asks you what they can do to help, you can pull out that list and say, Well, actually, I have things on my list. Um, conversely, if no one's offering, I strongly encourage caregivers to just ask simply, to say, you know, there's so much happening right now. I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I am wondering, might you be able to help me with any of the items on this list right now? Even just a small amount of assistance would mean the world to me. And I hope to be able to repay the favor in the future.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. And with all of that being said, uh, previous uh several minutes of discussion, there's now the healthcare system itself, right? So let's shift and talk about that. Many caregivers are in doctors' offices, they're managing medications, they're listening to instructions, they're scheduling appointments, but they may not feel seen as part of the care team. So, how can doctors, hospitals, and health systems, Dr. Applebaum, do a better job of recognizing and supporting family caregivers as essential members of the care team?
SPEAKER_08This is something I'm very passionate about. Um, we do have in the United States what's called the Caregiver Advise Record Enable Act, the CARE Act. It's currently passed in 45 states and territories. And it says that hospitals must document the name and contact information of caregivers and patients' medical records. Hospitals must know let those caregivers know when patients are going to be transferred or discharged. And very importantly, hospitals need to provide caregivers with training and instruction so they know what to do when they get home with their loved ones. The reality is that the CARE Act is not consistently implemented, in part because of understaffing, part because of diffusion and responsibility. Hospitals can do a much better job as soon as patients are identified and admitted to the hospital to ensure if a caregiver exists, and let's be clear, not every patient has a caregiver, but if a caregiver exists, that that caregiver's information is documented somewhere, that they are specifically identified as the caregiver and hooked into the team. The reality is I often tell my medical colleagues, that caregiver in the room with you, that's your best friend. That's the person with the greatest information about the patient. They understand the day-to-day functioning better than anyone else. And so I strongly believe that hospital systems, healthcare settings, doctor's offices can do a much better job early on when a patient is admitted or identified to ask: do you have a caregiver? Is there someone most intimately involved in your care? If so, who? And to document that information. I also think, and this goes back to the first question you asked me, you know, everyone listening, I hope you are all going for your physicals every year. You're seen by a doctor at least once a year. You know, they test your blood pressure, they they examine all sorts of things. But it's very rare for you to be asked whether or not you're a caregiver. And yet I strongly believe that caregiving is one of the greatest drivers of physical health. We know that it very that caregiver status very much impacts one's overall health and well-being. And so I think another thing that can be done is to ensure, and this is work that I and my colleagues have to do, that um, that healthcare professionals across the country are asking the right questions and documenting caregiver status and medical records.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr. Applebaum. I really appreciate this conversation. Uh, and I want to close out uh today's discussion with hope, because I don't want our caregivers that are listening today to only hear about how hard it is. They already know how hard uh it is. I want them to hear that support exists, that their feelings are valid, and that they matter too. So for the caregiver listening right now who feels tired, invisible, or emotionally stretched thin, what would you say to them directly today?
SPEAKER_08Well, number one, I want to just remind them, want to remind all of you listening in that role that you cannot do this alone. You should not do this alone, and you should be asking for help. And I also want to remind you that despite all the challenges you're facing, caregiving has the potential to be very transformative. For some of you, it might eventually become the most Meaningful and purposeful role of your lives. For some of you, it might help you to repair a relationship. For others of you, it's going to teach you strength. I certainly have lost track of the number of caregivers who said to me, Dr. Applebaum, I had no idea I was this strong until I became a caregiver. Or caregivers who found their voice through caregiving, people who were really shy because they had to speak up with so many healthcare professionals, they became outspoken. And so I want you all to think about ways in which you personally have grown. I bet each one of you listening right now, each of you who are into the caregiving trenches can think of one way in which you've grown as a caregiver. I want to be very clear, I'm not making light of the challenges. It's not the power positive thinking and returning lemon to lemonade. But it is saying despite the suffering, despite the challenges you're facing, caregiving has the potential to be incredibly meaningful. And I believe that all of you have the capacity to connect to that at some point.
SPEAKER_11Dr. Alison Applebaum, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for joining us today here on The Senior Zone. Folks, be sure to get her newest book entitled Stand By Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving. Now, family, if you are caring for someone, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a neighbor, please hear me clearly. What you are doing matters, but you matter too. Caregiving should not require you to disappear. And as we've heard, it should not require you to suffer in silence. It should not require you to carry the whole load alone. So, as Dr. Applebaum mentioned, ask for help, accept support, talk to your doctor, talk to your family, talk to your faith community, and most of all, give yourself permission to be human because on the senior zone, we believe in honoring the person receiving care and standing beside the person giving it. Dr. Applebaum, thank you once again for joining us.
SPEAKER_08So wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_11And you are welcome back anytime, my new friend. I hope to see you soon. I'll hear from you soon.
SPEAKER_07Absolutely.
SPEAKER_11All right, folks, this next break is brought to you by AARP DC, your wise friend and fierce defender in Washington, D.C. When we return, it's birthdays of the week, followed by Dear Grave Woman, featuring Joelle Simone. And then it's your later life lowdown, news and events that you can use. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_01Today is your day to connect with AARP and DC. AARP is here in the District of Columbia working hard to make it an even better place to live, work, and play for people of all ages, and you can help. Put your skills and talents to good use as an AARP volunteer where you can help lead local events or become an advocate for the issues that matter in your community, like funding for programs that help district residents age with dignity and independence. AARP is also helping you get the most out of life. Check out their educational workshops where they can help you grow as a caregiver, find a job, and teach you about the latest technology, or enjoy the night out at any of their exciting local events, like their happy hours and free movie screenings. Today is your day to connect with your community and with AARP. So let's take on today and every day. Learn more at AARP.org slash DC.
SPEAKER_04Happy birthday to you.
SPEAKER_01Happy birthday to you.
Birthdays of the Week
SPEAKER_11So whether you're turning 50 or 105, just know this. We celebrate you the same way with love. This week, the Senior Zone is sending birthday love to Sophie Ann Allen, 79 today, Monday, July 20th from Fort Washington, Maryland. Happy birthday, Sophie. Anita Johnson, 89 on Tuesday, tomorrow, July 21st from Lothian, Maryland. Happy birthday, Anita Leon Swain Jr., 74 on Tuesday, July 21st from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Leon. Peterbug Matthews, 77 on Wednesday, July 22nd, also from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Peterbug. Carolivia Haron, 79 on Wednesday, July 22nd from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Carolivia. Oh, I love this woman here. Frances Curtis Johnson 77 on Thursday, July 23rd from Washington, D.C. She is the 2017 Miss Senior D.C. Happy, happy birthday, Francis. Mitch Khan, 58 on Thursday, July 23rd from Yardley, Pennsylvania. Happy birthday, Mitch. William Yates. Haven't seen you in a long time. Turns 53 on Friday, July 24th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Mr. Yates. Nettie Net Garrett, 62. Social Security eligible on Friday, July 24th from Capitol Heights, Maryland. Happy birthday, Nettie. Matilda Mason is 81 on Friday, July 24th from Mitchellville, Maryland. Happy birthday, Matilda. A few more here, folks. We have Lawrence Bradford, 82 on Friday, July 24th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Lawrence. Chris Johnson, 61 on Friday, July 24th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Chris. Kathy Swayze, 63 on Saturday, July 25th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Kathy. Paul Urish is 66 on Saturday, July 25th from Martinsburg, West Virginia. And Charles Whittington is 90 years young on Saturday, July 25th from Annapolis, Maryland. And this last one is special to me, family Evelyn Ricks 92 on Sunday, July 26th from Rockville, Maryland. Happy, happy birthday, Miss Ricks. Folks, to have your birthday mentioned here on the Senior Zone, it's real easy. Just send us an email. Send that email to info at the senior zone.com. Please include your full name, your birth date, the age that you are turning, along with your city and state. And
Dear Grave Woman by Joelle Simone
SPEAKER_11now, family, we move from celebration into reflection. It's now time for a segment that continues to touch hearts, open minds, and bring comfort during those moments when we need it the most. Here is Joelle Simone with this week's edition of Dear Grave Woman. Joelle, the mic is yours.
SPEAKER_06Welcome back to Dear Grave Woman, your three-minute segment here on the Senior Zone, where I, Joel Simone, known all over the world as the Grave Woman, host a conversation where I answer your questions and share my stories and experiences with working in the deathcare industry, specifically as it relates to grief and planning for the end. Today I don't have a question, but I'd like to spend our time together talking about having difficult and uncomfortable conversations. To a lot of people, having conversations about their end of life experiences, death, and the grief that their loved ones will experience once they are gone is an extremely uncomfortable thought and a difficult conversation to have, even as a professional. Believe it or not, having conversations about pre-planning and grief, both experience and witness is often, I don't want to say difficult, but a lot of times uncomfortable. It brings up a lot of emotions, especially when they're um concerning someone that I love and care about. And so I say that to say that if I feel that way as a professional, I cannot imagine how many of you may feel approaching the topics with your loved ones. And so today I want to provide three tips for approaching this conversation in a way that may alleviate, not may disappear or eliminate some tension, discomfort, and just difficulty around it. Number one is to just simply ask for what you need. If you need a moment to say I may become emotional, please bear with me if you feel comfortable doing that. If you need to let those that you're talking to just know that this is a difficult conversation for you, but it's something that's valuable to you, ask for reassurance and patience and grace. Number two is to not avoid talking about the hard stuff. The hardest of sometimes is money, sometimes is experience, sometimes it's hurt and pain, sometimes it's trauma from the past. And whatever resources that you need to take advantage of that, please tap into those resources so that you can have those conversations and approach the difficult and the hard things with those that you're talking with and that matter to you. And last but not least is to understand that once it's done, unless you change your mind about what you want or have some type of significant life change or experience, the conversation is over, and you can congratulate yourself and move forward knowing that you faced a fear, that you faced discomfort or sat with discomfort and achieved something meaningful to you. Sean, back to you for the lay your life lowdown.
SPEAKER_11Thank you,
Later Life Lowdown and Closing
SPEAKER_11Joelle. Once again, you hit it out the park, and thank you for sharing your wisdom, your compassion, and your heart with us and family. Please remember, carrying someone in your heart does not mean you have to stop living. It simply means their love continues to travel with you. And from their family, let's move into this week's later life lowdown. A few resources and reminders and community notes to help you stay informed, connected, and supported across the DMV. First up in Washington, D.C., Aroundtown D.C. continues to offer free wellness, recreational, educational, and social programs for DC residents aged 60 and older. On Tuesday, that's tomorrow. Iona Senior Services will host a morning walkthrough Tinley Town from 9.30 until 10.30-ish a.m. Participants will meet on the Iona patio. And on Wednesday, July 22nd of this week, older adults can take part in a New Deal art walking tour beginning at 10 a.m. or join a beginner-friendly virtual class called Tech with Thai. Learning online from 10 a.m. until noon. For more information about these tours and programs, call around town DC at 202-459-9634. That's 202-459-9634. In Maryland, in Montgomery County, Sunset Yoga will be held Monday, that's today, from 7 to 8 p.m. at Rock Creek Regional Park. It's a wonderful opportunity to enjoy some gentle movement, fresh air, and relaxation as the sun begins to set. In Prince George's County, the city of Hyattesville offers a seated exercise class for older adults every Wednesday from 10 to 11 a.m. at the Hyattesville City Building. Free transportation is available for Hyattesville residents. Registration is required. For more information about these Hyattesville programs, call 301-985-5000. That's 301-985-5000. In Northern Virginia, registration is now open for the 2026 Northern Virginia Senior Olympics. This year's competition will take place from September 9th through October 4th and will include more than 70 events, including rock climbing, weightlifting, darts, swimming, pickleball, track and field, and much, much more. Registration is $20, and participants may compete in an unlimited number of events. Registration remains open through August 24th. So visit nvso.us. That's a website, nvso.us for complete information. And family, no matter where you're listening from across the country, remember that benefitscheckup.org. That's a website. Benefitscheckup.org is a nationwide resource that can help older adults and people with disabilities identify programs that may assist with prescription medications, health care, food, utilities, housing, transportation, taxes, and other everyday expenses. Again, that website is benefitscheckup.org. And that wraps up this week's Later Life Lowdown and family. This also brings us to the end of another edition of the Senior Zone. I want to thank today's guests for sharing their time and expertise. And I also want to thank our sponsors, community partners, and every member of our listening community. I'm your host, Sean Perry, reminding you that your age does not diminish your value. Your experience still matters, and the chapters ahead can be every bit as meaningful as the chapters behind you. So until we meet again, keep your head high, keep your heart full, and always be someone who makes someone else look forward to their tomorrow. Love you. Peace.
SPEAKER_02Be sure to join us on our next broadcast. Until then, live simply, love generously.
SPEAKER_04Care deeply. Speak kindly.
SPEAKER_02Leave the rest to God. Have a wonderful week, and God willing, the Senior Zone will be here for another informative and entertaining hour next Monday morning at 10 a.m.
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