The Senior Zone
The Senior Zone is the DMV’s #1 weekly radio program dedicated to empowering adults 50+ to live fuller, healthier, and more informed lives — now available on demand as a podcast.
Hosted by Shawn Perry since 2012, The Senior Zone features thoughtful conversations with trusted experts, community leaders, advocates, and everyday people doing extraordinary work in aging, health, finance, caregiving, and purposeful living. From timely resources and consumer protections to inspiration, wisdom, and real talk — this is where experience meets opportunity.
Whether you’re planning your next chapter, supporting a loved one, or simply committed to thriving beyond expectations, The Senior Zone delivers insight, clarity, and encouragement — one meaningful conversation at a time.
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📍 Originally broadcast on WYCB 1340AM (Washington, DC)
The Senior Zone
Ep. 716 | Honoring Service, Navigating Grief and Protecting Your Next Chapter
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This week on The Senior Zone, host Shawn Perry brings listeners two compassionate and empowering conversations about receiving the support we deserve during life’s most challenging seasons.
In The Legal Zone, brought to us by Legal Counsel for the Elderly, Veterans Empowerment Specialist Ebonee Avery-Washington explains what’s new with LCE’s Veterans Advocacy Project. She discusses how older veterans and surviving spouses can receive help understanding benefits, addressing claims and navigating an often-confusing system.
Then, author, speaker, grief educator and end-of-life doula Shaleka Smith joins us to discuss the many faces of grief. Drawing from her book and podcast, Grief, I Didn’t Sign Up for This, Shaleka shares how faith, compassion, community and honest conversation can help us move through loss without losing hope.
We’ll also celebrate our Birthdays of the Week, hear from Dear Grave Woman by Joelle Simone, and share useful news and resources in the Later Life Lowdown.
Hosted by Shawn Perry, The Senior Zone is the DMV’s number-one weekly radio program serving the 50-plus community since 2012.
Thank you for listening and until we meet again…keep your head high, your heart full, and always — be someone who makes someone else look forward to their tomorrow.
Welcome to The Senior Zone
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SPEAKER_06Senior Zone's goal needs to educate, empowered, and light and entertain and engage older adults with the tools and information to stay healthy, happy, and secure.
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SPEAKER_04Good morning, family, and welcome to the Senior Zone, the DMV's number one weekly radio program serving our beloved 50 plus community since 2012. I am your host, Sean Perry, and I am grateful you chose to spend this hour with us here on the Senior Zone. We believe aging deserves dignity, preparation, protection, connection, and honest conversation. Today we're honoring those who served our country, helping veterans and surviving spouses better understand the benefits and legal assistance available to them and exploring grief not only after death, but after any life-changing loss. Because even when the road changes, your life still has meaning, your voice still matters, and your next chapter can still hold purpose.
Weekly Vitamin: Honoring What Remains
SPEAKER_04Now it's time for your weekly vitamin. Here is your weekly dose of encouragement to carry you through the days ahead. You do not have to deny what you lost in order to appreciate what remains. Got that one? You can grieve yesterday, honor today, and still believe in tomorrow. Healing does not require you to forget. It simply allows you to keep living with the memory, the lesson, and the love still beside you. So this week, move at the pace your heart can handle. You don't need every answer today. Just keep taking the next honest step. And that was your weekly vitamin. And remember, folks, you can catch the senior zone wherever life takes you. Our podcast is available on demand after the broadcast on Spotify, Apple, Amazon, iHeartRadio, and other major platforms. Just search the Senior Zone with Sean Perry, follow the show, and share an episode with someone who may need it. Coming up first, it's time for the Legal Zone on the Senior Zone, brought to us by our good friends at Legal Council for the Elderly. Today we're focusing on LCE's work with veterans and surviving spouses who may be eligible for benefits but are just unsure where to begin or what to do after a denial. As a veteran myself, I know how confusing these systems can be. So joining us is Ebony Avery Washington, Veterans Empowerment Specialist with Legal Counsel for the Elderly to share what's new and how it's helping older veterans and families across the District of Columbia. Then in segment two, we'll explore grief in its many forms. Grief does not only follow death, it can come with changes in our health, our independence, relationships, identity, or the future we once imagined. My guest, Shalika Smith, helps individuals and families navigate those transitions with faith, compassion, honesty, and hope. She is an author, speaker, grief educator, end-of-life dueler, healthcare leader, and the author and podcast host of Grief. I didn't sign up for this. Later in the hour, we'll celebrate birthdays of the week, hear a fresh reflection from Dear Grave Woman by Joelle Simone, and bring you your later life lowdown featuring news, resources, events, and announcements to help you stay informed, connected, and empowered. But before we take this quick break, I want to send some love and gratitude to our sponsors and partners. So as always, thank you, Legal Counsel for the Elderly, AARP of the District of Columbia, AARP of the State of Maryland, Compassion and Choices, Jewish Council for the Aging, Mary Center, and the DC Department of Aging and Community Living. Folks, we'll be right back after this short break, brought to you by Legal Counsel for the Elderly, providing free legal and social work services to D.C. residents most in need.
SPEAKER_01Don't change that down. We'll be right back. Legal Counsel for the Elderly champions the dignity and rights of DC elders by providing free legal and social work services to those in need. Worried about eviction or foreclosure? Need help obtaining social security or veterans benefits? Call Legal Counsel for the Elderly at 202-434-2120. Income eligibility applies. LCE is an affiliate of AARP 202-434-2120.
SPEAKER_05Attention, listeners, criminals are consistently developing new ways to steal your hard-earned money and personal information. But the AARP Fraud Watch Network is here to help you protect yourself and your loved ones. See or report scams in your area with our scam tracking map. Get guidance from our trained fraud specialists, and sign up to receive information on the latest scams. Knowledge is power. If you can spot a scam, you can stop a scam. Get more tips and resources at aarp.org slash fraudwatch network.
SPEAKER_04Welcome
The Legal Zone: Veterans and Surviving Spouses
SPEAKER_04back, family, to the senior zone. I am your host, Sean Perry. It's now time for the legal zone on the senior zone, brought to us by our good friends over at Legal Counsel for the Elderly. Now, if you are a regular listener, you already know about the many important legal issues LCE provides for older adults throughout the District of Columbia. But today we're focusing specifically on the men and women who served our country and the surviving spouses who stood beside them. As a veteran myself, this conversation is personal. Too many veterans may be eligible for help, but don't apply because they're either confused by the process, discouraged by a previous decision, or simply don't know where to turn. So joining us today is LCE's veteran empowerment specialist, Ebony Avery Washington, who is here to tell us what's new with the Veterans Advocacy Project and how LCE is helping older veterans and surviving spouses access the benefits they may have earned. Ebony, welcome back to the Senior Zone.
SPEAKER_03Hi, Sean. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_04It's a pleasure to have you back here, Ebony. It's been a very, very long time. Are you ready to rock and roll? Yes, I'm ready. All right. So, Ebony, let's start with the inspiration behind LCE's Veterans Advocacy Project. When did the program launch and why?
SPEAKER_03Well, LCE's Veterans Advocacy Project, which we affectionately call VAP, assists veterans and surviving spouses with the applications for VA pension and spousal benefits, select service-related disability claims, appeals after the denial of a claim, and disputing allegations of debt and overpayment. The VAP project started in 2014 and was created to reach older veterans who were an underserved population in DC at that time.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and that really speaks to why this program matters, in my opinion, because many veterans and their families may need help, but may not know where to begin. With all of that being said, Ebony, how does a veteran or surviving spouse know if they are eligible for starters for LCE's services?
SPEAKER_03Well, as you know, um to qualify for any LCE service, a person must be a DC resident, age 60 and older. Because our services are free, we do have financial eligibility requirements that are discussed when you call our legal counsel for the elderly hotline. Now, eligibility for VA benefits, Sean, is a whole nother story. Every VA benefit has its own set of criteria. To access a specific VA benefit, a veteran must meet specific criteria. Um, it might be important to note for your listeners that there's no one absolute legal definition of a veteran. For the purposes of entitlement to veterans' benefits, each benefit has its own definition and corresponding criteria.
SPEAKER_04Gotcha. So now that we know who may qualify for LC's assistance, let's talk about some of the actual benefits veterans may be entitled to receive, uh, Ebony. One of the services the Veterans Advocacy Project, also known as VAP VAP, provides for veterans is help with obtaining non-service connected and service connected benefits. Can you explain the two, the difference?
SPEAKER_03Sure, Sean. Um, it might be helpful to your listeners if I kind of provide a definition of both benefits. Um, so I'll start with service connected disability compensation. Now, this is a tax-free benefit paid to veterans who have a current illness or injury that was incurred or was aggravated while serving on active duty. Um, the other benefit that you mentioned is non-service connected detention. Now that is a tax-free need-based benefit paid to wartime veterans with limited income, who have a sufficient length of service, and who are age 65 or older, or have a permanent and total non-service connected disability.
SPEAKER_04And that distinction is important, uh, Ebony, because those two benefits are often mentioned together, but they serve very different purposes. So let's talk about each. Let's start with service connected disability. What are the eligibility requirements there?
SPEAKER_03Okay, Sean. So for a successful service connected disability compensation claim, a veteran needs to meet three main eligibility requirements. First, active duty service, which can be established in a few different types of ways. Second, the veteran must demonstrate that they have a service connected disability. Now, this can also be established in a few ways. For example, the veteran has a disability that was caused directly by an in by an event that occurred during their active duty, or a veteran has uh a disability that was existed prior to their military service that became more severe due to their service. Now, those are a few examples of how a vendor could establish a service-connected disability and meet that specific requirement. The third and final requirement for eligibility is a service-connected disability compensation claim, is the veteran's discharge status.
SPEAKER_04So that covers disabilities connected to military service, right? But not every older veteran's disability is directly tied to something that happened while they were serving. With that being said, Ebony, and for the non-service connected pension, what criteria do veterans have to meet?
SPEAKER_03Okay. So in order to have a successful non-service connected pension claim, a veteran must demonstrate the following. Now, this one has a few more requirements than the previous one we discussed. Again, we've got that active duty service, which can be established in a few ways. We also have service during a wartime period. Now, it might be important to note for your listeners that there's no need for combat or to be deployed to prove this element. Uh only one day of service during a period of um congressionally declared wartime will establish that particular requirement. Next, the veteran must demonstrate a minimum service period, which is based on the veteran's dates of service. The veteran must also demonstrate financial need, which can be established through limited income or limited resources. And finally, that veteran must have the appropriate discharge status.
SPEAKER_04This is really good information for our vets out there, Ebony. You know, beyond applying for benefits, some veterans find themselves dealing with another stressful situation, being told they owe money back to the VA. With that being said, what does that mean and how does LCE help with that?
SPEAKER_03Right. I appreciate the question, Sean. An overpayment is when the VA claims that a beneficiary or a veteran received more VA financial benefit than they were entitled to receive. And now that beneficiary or veteran must pay back what is owed. And when you receive notice of an overpayment, it can be very scary, right, and overwhelming. Sometimes this happens through a VA miscalculation or error. And sometimes it happens when the veteran doesn't report a change in their financial situation. But LCE's VAT project helps those that have been notified about a VA overpayment by helping them file the necessary paperwork to dispute or challenge this debt. We may um help uh by helping lower that debt amount or get a manageable overpayment for the beneficiary.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you know, you mentioned scary. I'm gonna say the word frightening, just to piggyback off of what you just said, Ebony, especially when folks receiving that kind of notice, especially for an older veteran living on a fixed income. But veterans aren't the only ones LCE assists through this program as I understand it. In addition to helping veterans, Ebony, you also provide services to surviving spouses. What support do you provide for them?
SPEAKER_03Yes, uh, I'm glad that you raised that. We have two main claims that we assist surviving spouses in obtaining. Uh, the first is a survivor's dependency and indemnity compensation. And uh the second is a survivor's pension benefit. Now the survivor's dependency and indemnity compensation is a tax-free monetary benefit that you paid to the surviving spouse, child, or parent of a veteran who died in the line of duty, um, or the survivor of a veteran who died from a service-related injury or illness. So that's the first one. Now that second one that I mentioned is the survivor's pension benefit, which is a tax-free benefit payable to a low-income non-remarried surviving spouse of a of the deceased veteran with wartime service. Now, it might be important to note here to your uh viewers uh or listeners, should I say, that in order to receive these benefits, the surviving spouse had to be married at the time of the veteran's death. And this uh when I say married, it it encompasses both civil and common law marriages for this benefit.
SPEAKER_04Good information. And that kind of support can make a tremendous difference for a surviving spouse who may already be dealing with grief, financial uncertainty, and a complicated benefit system. As was mentioned earlier, Ebony, LCE launched the Veterans Advocacy Project in 2014, and we've talked about the types of services you provide, but you didn't stop there. LCE recently expanded its services to veterans. Tell us about what's called the character of discharge process, what it is, and why LCE added it to its list of services.
SPEAKER_03Yes, great. Um, a veteran's discharge status determines eligibility for VA benefits. And we have a care a new service uh called the Character of Discharge Determination. Um, it's the process that the Department of Veteran Affairs uses to decide whether a veteran with a discharge that's not honorable can still qualify for certain VA benefits. During the review, the VA looks at the veteran's military service and the reason for their discharge to determine if they are eligible for benefits. Now, the character of discharge determination does not change the discharge status of the veteran, it simply allows the veteran to proceed with pursuing a claim for specific benefits. And we added this service, we meaning LCE, added this service because veterans who receive an other than honorable discharge can be prevented from accessing the VA benefits they would otherwise be entitled to receive. So we at LCE wanted to help them apply and ultimately receive the benefits that they need.
SPEAKER_04And that is especially important for veterans, Ebony, who assume their discharge status meant they had no options and no path forward. With that being said, what types of discharges does the military issue?
SPEAKER_03Yes, I'm glad you asked the question, Sean, because most uh of us have heard of honorable discharge, but there are a range of discharge discharge types, and those include the honorable one that is the most familiar to us. Also, discharge under honorable conditions, which can sometimes be known as general discharge. There's discharge under other than honorable conditions, which is also known as undesirable discharge, there's bad conduct conduct discharge, and finally dishonorable discharge.
SPEAKER_04Thank you for that, uh Ebony. Now we know that military service and the circumstances surrounding one's separation, it can be complicated. It isn't always as simple as what appears on one document. With that being said, what is the most common reason the VA uses to deny benefits to veterans with a less than favorable discharge status, such as other than honorable discharge?
SPEAKER_03Right. Well, the law outlines something called bars to benefits, and bars can prevent the veteran from obtaining the benefits. Um, a veteran's discharge based on willful and persistent misconduct is one of the bars to receiving VA benefits. So to answer your question, uh excuse me, it is the most common bar to receiving VA benefits. Willful and persistent misconduct is defined at law, and generally willful means on purpose, and persistent is specifically defined in the Uniform Code of Military Justice. And it outlines major and minor incidents within a specific period of time that can establish persistent conduct in this context. So, for example, if a veteran had several short unauthorized absences during their last year of service, that conduct might be classified by the VA as persistent. And this is important because if the veteran was discharged because of willful and persistent misconduct, then the veteran's character of discharge determination will be denied unless there is a compelling circumstance that can excuse that conduct.
SPEAKER_04And that's why it is so important, Ebony, that the VA considers the whole person, right? The veteran's overall service and what may have been happening in that person's life at that time. With that being said, what are some examples of compelling circumstances and how does the VA determine whether they warrant granting benefits?
SPEAKER_03Right. Well, the VA will examine the following when they are trying to figure out if compelling circumstances exist in the willful and persistent misconduct context. The VA will look at the veteran service record outside of the misconduct. The VA will also look at any factors that explain the misconduct. For example, a mental health condition that might justify or explain the conduct that occurred. And the VA will also consider legal defenses to the misconduct. It also might be important to note, Sean, that the VA can only consider misconduct that was the basis for the discharge.
SPEAKER_04So if a veteran, uh Ebony, is successfully granted a favorable character of discharge review, does that automatically then open the door for all VA benefits, or is it restricted to the specific benefits they applied for, such as disability, pension, or burial benefits?
SPEAKER_03That's a great question, Sean. If uh the character of discharge determination is successful, the veteran may be eligible for most, but not all, VA benefits such as VA health care, service connected disability compensation, and non-service connected pension. The character of discharge determination is um the first step in eligibility. The veteran will still need to meet the other individual requirements in order for them to access the benefit to which they're applying.
SPEAKER_04This is huge for folks in those categories or in those silos. It's an important clarification because a favorable review may open a door, but the veteran may still have additional steps to take, of course. And uh, Ebony, this is a conversation that I want to expand upon. Let's uh welcome you back uh come November. I think that's an appropriate time. With that being said, what main messages would you like to leave our listeners with today?
SPEAKER_03Sure. Um, well, I think my main message is that you know, there is help. Um, so LCE is here to help veterans and surviving spouses get the benefits they deserve. Um, as many of your listeners know, we advocate for veterans um generally, and our advocacy is for veterans with all types of discharge statuses. In addition to veteran benefits we talked about, we offer veterans help with applying for VA burial benefits. And lastly, Sean, we offer veterans of any discharge status, surviving spouses, and all other DC adults help with applying for Social Security, SNAP, and many other public benefits.
SPEAKER_04Ebony, thank you for leaving our listeners with that encouragement and great information. Before we close, let's make sure everyone knows exactly how to reach LCE for assistance. Give out the number to LCE.
SPEAKER_03Sure. The number for LCE's legal hotline is 202-434-2120. Again, that's 202-434-2120.
SPEAKER_04Ebony Avery Washington, thank you for joining us, my friend, and thank you for the work that you and the entire legal counsel for the elderly team are doing on behalf of our veterans as well as their surviving spouses. Family, the takeaway is simple. Don't assume you are ineligible. Don't allow a confusing VA letter or even a previous denial to be the end of the conversation. Ask questions, gather your records, and speak with someone who understands the process. You've been listening to the legal zone here on the senior zone, brought to us by Legal Counsel for the Elderly. And once again, their legal hotline number is 2024 2120. That's 2024 2120. Ebony Avery Washington, thank you again for joining us, my friend. Thanks for having me, Sean. Well, all right, folks. This next break is brought to you by Compassion and Choices, empowering everyone to chart their own end-of-life journey. Don't change that, I promise. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_08Compassion and choices is here to support you on your journey. Organization provides a lot of resources to help you navigate difficulty with compassionate life choices and end of life choices.
SPEAKER_11Hi, neighbor. I'm inviting you and your wife to my husband's 65th birthday party next week.
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SPEAKER_11Not yet. It's very confusing.
SPEAKER_00Call Montgomery County Ship. They help me with questions about my Medicare coverage.
SPEAKER_11What's Montgomery County Ship?
SPEAKER_00It's ship, like a boat. Montgomery County State Health Insurance Assistance Program. They help seniors like us, or people with disabilities, or caregivers and families with Medicare insurance questions.
SPEAKER_11Can anyone call them?
SPEAKER_00Sure, as long as you live in Montgomery County. You can call them at 301-255-4250. Or check out their website at www.medicareabcd.org.
SPEAKER_11What's the number again?
SPEAKER_00Montgomery County Ship. 301-255-4250. Made possible with a grant from the U.S. Administration for Community Living through the state of Maryland and Montgomery County.
Grief, Healing and Hope with Shaleka Smith
SPEAKER_04Welcome back to the Senior Zone. I am your host, Sean Perry. You know, grief touches all of us. But it does not always come from death. It can follow the loss of a spouse, our health, our independence, a relationship, or the future we once imagined. My next guest helps people navigate those difficult transitions with faith, compassion, and hope. Shalika Smith is an author, speaker, grief educator, end-of-life dueller, and healthcare leader. She is the author and podcast host of Grief. I didn't sign up for this. Shalika, welcome back to the Senior Zone, my friend.
SPEAKER_07Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. Um, it is a blessing to be invited back. So thank you for having me today.
SPEAKER_04I am all smiles here, uh Shalika. Shalika, you know, since we last spoke, your work has continued to evolve in some very meaningful uh ways. Looking back over the last year or so, what has been the most significant lesson you've learned, both personally and professionally?
SPEAKER_07Well, since we last spoke, I got to add end of life doula to my resume. So that has been really exciting. And one of the things that happened towards the end of me finishing my coursework is my uncle died. And I was in the room with him when he died. And I was like, uh-uh, I don't know if I want to do this. Um because it was a real experience, it was something I had never experienced before. And, you know, I had made the decision that it wasn't something that I was going to continue to do, but I think I needed that to actually push me towards finishing and push me towards understanding that why that is such a need. People need support. People who are transitioning from this world need support and families need support. So I think one of the, and then, you know, he was my uncle. He wasn't like a stranger, he was someone that I love dearly. But sometimes you have to, as my um pastor would say, lead while you bleed. So sometimes life doesn't just pause because you're going through some challenges. Life doesn't just pause because it's uncomfortable. You have to continue to function and feel. So functioning and feeling is definitely something that I've a lesson that I've learned in a significant way in the last year.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Well, my sincere condolences uh to you and your family. And uh tell your pastor, I'm gonna coin that phrase here as well, lead while you uh bleed, if I can borrow that uh for sure. You know, many people still think of grief as something, you know, that only follows death, right? Uh, how has your understanding of grief expanded, uh, Shalika? And what do you wish more people understood about the many forms that grief can take, especially for our older adults?
SPEAKER_07So the reality is we spend a lifetime grieving, and it happens in different ways because you're always losing something. You're either losing a part of yourself as you go through different seasons in life, you could be losing friends, people have lost jobs. There's always a loss that exists, and when you're processing that loss and learning a new normal, that's a grief process. And you so sometimes we just limit it to death, but the reality is we're always grieving in some way. Now, depending on the situation, it might feel a little heavier than others, but we're always grieving. And I think that it's important to be self-aware. Um, because sometimes we just we call it growing pains. Um, I've heard that term a lot, but it's grief. Um, you are learning to live without something, you are loving to live without someone. Sometimes you're learning to live without someone that's still alive, like though there's a lot of different things that make grief complicated because there's so many dynamics that we often can't prepare for. So I really wish that people understood that grief doesn't always look like and feel like, and the circumstances around it isn't always like black morning clothes. Sometimes you are grieving and transitioning, you know, you might be moving when you move, even if it's a huge geographical change, or you're like missing that apartment, you're missing the things that you had to throw away because you can't take everything with you. Like it's so many things that grief can be associated with, and I think there has to be a level of awareness of I am suffering a loss, whether it's big for me or small for me. I'm suffering a loss, and I have to process it. I can't act like it doesn't affect me, I can't act like I just I'm going to gloss over it. You know, especially in certain communities, there's this we don't really process things, you know, it's just like, oh, get over it, or move on. But you have sometimes you just have to pause. And no matter what it is, pausing and really existing in the loss of whatever that thing is.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and I appreciate all of what you just said, uh, because it's so important because someone may be grieving a change in health, right? Retirement, an empty home, uh, a lost relationship, or the life that they thought you know they would be uh living. And the people around them may not even recognize it as grief, right? So I'm glad to hear you say uh what you just uh shared with us. Now you've created Shalika spaces where people feel safe talking about subjects that are often avoided, and certain communities avoid them more than other uh communities. Why are honest conversations, uh Shalika, about grief so important? And what have you learned from the people you have trusted uh with, you know, uh that you've been entrusted with uh their stories?
SPEAKER_07I think it's so important because it's universal. Like it's literally the elephant, these things are the elephants in the room that we try to avoid. But if you're in a small room and there's an elephant in there, you can act like it don't exist, but you can't move around, you can't get past it, you know, you can't be comfortable if you don't address the elephant, and you can't get comfortable in life and your new normal if you don't address the things that are causing you trauma, things that are making literally changing your life. You you just can't move on from that, you can't move around it, and we might ignore it, but the reality is if if you don't address it when it happens or soon after it happens, it just manifests in different ways later in life. So you're gonna deal with it now or later. You decide because it's gonna manifest in your interaction with people, maybe your personality changes, you're a little more irritable, you know, and a lot of things that people don't understand is grief manifests in our body way before anything else. One of the things that when people suffer loss, I always say, hey, in the next six months, try to get to your get to see your primary care provider because it settles in your body. So there are so many things that are like important of just being aware. Um, and we can't ignore it. Like we can't ignore life changing, we can't ignore it if because it's trauma. All loss is trauma. Sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small, but you are experiencing something that literally hurts your soul. You can't ignore that. Yeah, and you might not be able to talk to your friends and your family about it, but I'm gonna always create space where people can feel like they can come and say things that they can't say to anybody else because you have to get that stuff off. You can't you can't carry that forever. You learn to, but it's not healthy, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Uh Shalika, I I I'm feeling compelled right now to uh plug your podcast right now. Where can folks tune in and listen to your podcast, Grief? I didn't sign up for this.
SPEAKER_07Thank you so much. Thank you for the plug. Um, so you can listen to my podcast, it's on Apple Podcasts, you can find it um on iHeartRadio. You can go to my website, www.g-r-a-p sate.com, and there's a link there. But anywhere you listen to your podcast, if you type the title in, you should be able to find me.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, folks, uh any major podcast platform, check out Grief. I didn't sign up for this by Shalika Smith. So, my next question for you, uh, my friend, and we'll mention it uh again. In addition to supporting people through grief, you've become passionate about encouraging end-of-life planning, which is so, so uh important. Why is this work so important, uh, Shalika? And how can older adults and their families begin these conversations before a medical emergency or a crisis occurs?
SPEAKER_07So think about it. You have never made the best decisions in the middle of a crisis. You always made desperate decisions because you didn't have a plan. You were doing the best that you could. And very often when we get into situations where it's the end of someone's life and we were expecting it, or it just, you know, something happened, we didn't make the best decision because we felt like we had to rush and make decisions. But taking time to kind of think through all the different aspects of end-of-life planning really saves the people that are around you that are gonna have to make decisions for you, take um, you know, take on this responsibility, it helps them. Also, you know, in the event that you leave this earth, it takes pressure off of them when things are already in place. When all I have to do is go down this checklist and check things off. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to make decisions while I'm hurting. I all I have to do is follow the plan. And that helps when people have are fogged with so much emotion, and it just saves, and then they do what you want them to do. Like, do you really want to leave? There's people that you like, do I really want to leave, you know, certain decisions to this person? I don't trust them when I'm in my right mind. Why wouldn't I trust them when I can't speak for myself? So you just want to make sure that your wishes and the way you want to be um handled in certain situations are very clear and written down. Like conversations are great, but sometimes conversations aren't remembered in the midst of chaos. So having things written down, having the people have access to it, making sure multiple people have copies of things, so then there's no surprises, and we can honor you the way you want to be honored. And I think that's really important. And it helps the grief process.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. You know, I've said it here, I don't know how many times over the years, but end-of-life planning, you know, uh Shalika is an act of love, pure and simple. It it provides clarity, as you just, you know, referenced, it reduces confusion, and it just spares folks, you know, families from having to make difficult decisions, unknown decisions, right? But they got to make them uh while they're already most likely overwhelmed, right? So end of life planning is so, so important. I want to switch and talk about faith a little bit. Get a little churchy uh with you if you if you if you will allow me uh too. You know, faith can be a tremendous source of comfort, uh, but profound loss can also leave people sometimes questioning God or struggling spiritually. Uh, how has your own relationship with your God changed through, changed your journey? And what encouragement would you offer someone whose faith has been shaken by grief?
SPEAKER_07That's a real question. Um, and I, to be honest, experiencing the darkest um times of my grief. Like Jesus was still my Lord and Savior. However, I was mad. Um, when my nephew and my brother died, I was extremely upset with God. And we, I think we had a good enough relationship that I could share that. Um, but I can see how, especially when you have hope of, you know, someone getting better, you know, you're praying that things happen. Um, I think one of my most shocking losses wasn't even my loss. It was a friend of mine who whose mom, she was up and down, sick all the time, and we prayed for her in ways that I've probably never prayed for anybody else. And I knew in my spirit that one of like somebody in one of my friend groups that their parent was going to buy die, but it was never her because I just didn't expect it because I know how much we prayed for her, and then she did. I didn't, I wasn't upset with God, but I was like, that's the kind of things that really pull people away away from faith when you've prayed and when you fasted, and then it didn't happen. But the reality is the Bible tells us all things work together for the good of those who loved him and are called according to his purpose, and it might not feel good. Life doesn't feel good, so lost absolutely doesn't feel good, but getting to a place where you're like, Lord, I believe you, your word, so help me see what's the good out of this. And for me, when my nephew and my brother died, I asked for show me the good. Like that's the only question I really and desire I had. And look at my life now. I'm supporting people through grief. I've written a book, I have a podcast, I am so I'm a part of people's grief community, and all this came out of this loss. So for me, I just feel like the God is faithful, and it doesn't always feel good because I was mad. Like, I was like, how you take my nephew away from me? That's my baby. He was like my first child. Um, he was so young, he literally laid down in his mother's floor and died. Oh, I was hot with God, and I remember, he reminded me because God always reminds me of how he ministers to me. And when he started to remind me that he was a part of it all the time and there were things that were happening leading up to it, and I I was grateful, you know. And when you have a connection with God, you might be angry for a little bit, but it'll bring it back. You know, it always comes back. And I feel like even if you don't have a relationship with God, because I'm very aware that that's not everybody's journey. Um, try him though.
SPEAKER_04Well, in any relationship, whether it's a relationship with God or human, right? You're gonna have some hot moments. That's a relationship, right? Uh the the the yin and the yang, the up and the down. You're gonna have some hot times. But as you said, as your pastor said, lead while you uh bleed. I want to get in a few more questions before we run out of time, uh, Shalika. Many people genuinely want to help someone who is grieving, but do not know what to say or do. I fall in that category squarely, uh, my friend. Uh so help me understand. What are some practical ways that Sean Perry, friends, relatives, church members, or co-workers can offer some meaningful support? And what should they also avoid saying?
SPEAKER_07Um, I will say anything that you have heard somebody else say a hundred times, those are the things to avoid saying. Um the the cliches don't help anybody in that moment. It it just doesn't. One of the things is you know there's voids when someone when there's a transition. If it's a husband and a wife, if they have children, like this person took the person that is gone now, took the kids to school. Like, see what the voids are. You know, people are always gonna be hungry. Do you, you know, come over and bring food? I know that's a chip fried chicken and green beans is like one of the things that we love to do, but there are voids, and don't just tell people if you Need me because people don't know what they need. When you are experiencing grief, you don't know what you need. All you're trying to do is survive. So you're not thinking about meals, you're not thinking about responsibilities. You're literally, you're not even thinking about a shower someday. Look at see the boy and feel it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. You know, you spend a great uh deal of time, uh Shalika, caring for others through your ministry. That's what this is, your ministry. Speaking engagements, healthcare leaderships, as well as grief work. How do you protect your own emotional well-being and recognize when you need to pause to rest or receive support?
SPEAKER_07Um, I don't always do it well, but I try to do it. So there are the times where I just might take a couple of months off. Um, I think therapy is really important, whether it's individual therapy or support groups is really important. And I've built a community of people who they know when things are dark for me and when I'm feeling overwhelmed and I can call on them and I don't have to ask, you know, answer a hundred questions because that's one thing that happens. You know, people want to like overwhelm you more than you already are, but it's really important to have like your spot people that can spot you when things are a little bit heavy. And you know, I pause, I take a you know, some time off. I have some time I planned later on this year to take a couple of weeks off and just disconnect because sometimes you have to reset, and especially when you are carrying weight that isn't your weight, that's other people's weight. Sometimes you just have to get to a moment where you can let your feet settle again and then you can carry, you know, some more. So taking breaks, um, praying, reading, writing, um, all the things that you know people can do that it really kind of relaxes you. So I I utilize everything and my grief toolbox, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, well, good stuff, my friend. I wish I had more time, uh Shalika, but before I let you go, I want to leave our listeners with one final thought from you. So for the person listening who may be in the earliest or the most painful stage of their grief, what is one piece of advice you wish someone had given you after your greatest loss?
SPEAKER_07You're not okay, and that's okay. You are not okay. No one expects you to be okay, and that's fine. And whatever you can do to just survive each day, each hour, each minute, you do that. If you can't think about the day, don't think about the day. Just think about the next hour. If you can't think about the hour, just live minute by minute, but it's at your own pace. You can't rush it, and don't try to rush it. And pause and take care of yourself. And if you don't know how to take care of yourself, allow people to take care of you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, well, I love it. If you know it's okay to be not okay. Uh uh, so thank you, thank you, thank you. Shalika, uh, my friend, thank you for joining us uh today and for helping people speak more openly about their grief, healing, faith planning, as well as hope. Today's conversation reminds us that grief has no timetable, and healing does not mean forgetting. Sometimes it simply means learning how to carry the loss while continuing to live. Folks, my guest has been Shalika Smith, author and host of Grief. I didn't sign up for this, and a dedicated grief educator as well as end-of-life duela. Shalika, we appreciate you and thank you for the work that you're doing.
SPEAKER_07Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you, audience, for listening.
SPEAKER_04All right, folks, check out Grief. I didn't sign up for this. It's a podcast. Family, please stay with us. We have more here on the senior zone. This next break is brought to you by AARP DC, your wise friend and fierce defender in Washington, D.C. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_08Today is your day to connect with AARP and DC. AARP is here in the District of Columbia working hard to make it an even better place to live, work, and play for people of all ages, and you can help. Put your skills and talents to good use as an AARP volunteer where you can help lead local events or become an advocate for the issues that matter in your community, like funding for programs that help district residents age with dignity and independence. AARP is also helping you get the most out of life. Check out their educational workshops where they can help you grow as a caregiver, find a job, and teach you about the latest technology, or enjoy the night out at any of their exciting local events, like their happy hours and free movie screenings. Today is your day to connect with your community and with AARP. So let's take on today and every day. Learn more at aarp.org slash DC.
SPEAKER_09Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday! Happy birthday!
Birthdays of the Week
SPEAKER_04All right, family, you know what time it is. It's time to pause, celebrate life, and send some birthday love to members of the senior zone family celebrating yet another trip around the sun. First up, she's not a senior, but she's my baby girl. Caleb Perry, my baby turns 24 today, Monday, July 27th. Happy birthday, baby girl. Linda Pharrell, 67 today as well, July 27th from Montgomery County, but now lives in Charlotte, North Carolina. Happy birthday, Linda. Charles Russo, 67 as well on today, July 27th from Warrington, Virginia. Happy birthday, Charles. Donald Leach is 62. Social Security eligible. Tomorrow, Tuesday, July 28th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Donald. Anthony Williams, 75 on Tuesday, July 28th from Washington, D.C. He's the former mayor of Washington, D.C. So happy birthday, Mayor Williams. Marie Plummer, 76 on Tuesday, July 28th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Marie Kamal Ben Ali, 64 on Wednesday, July 29th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Kamal. Elaine McKenzie, 78 years young on Thursday, July 30th from District Heights, Maryland. Happy birthday, Elaine. Renee Peace Carr is the Big 6. Oh, she made it over 60 years young on Friday, July 31st from Upper Marlboro, Maryland. Happy birthday, Renee. A few more here, folks. We have Teresa Sismar 72 on Friday, July 31st from Alexandria, Virginia. Happy birthday, Teresa. Phyllis Summers Dudley 72 on Saturday, August 1st from Arlington, Virginia. Happy birthday, Phyllis. And last but certainly not least, we have Herel Tillman 63 on Saturday, August 1st from Friendswood, Texas. Happy birthday, Herel, and thank you for supporting the Senior Zone from afar. And again, happy birthday to each and every one of you. May this new year of life bring you good health, genuine peace, meaningful relationships, and unexpected blessings. Folks, to have your birthday mentioned here, just send an email to infotheseniorzone.com. That's INFO at theseniorzone.com. Be sure to include your full name, your birth date, the age that you are turning, and your city and state. And
Dear Grave Woman with Joelle Simone
SPEAKER_04now, family, we move from celebrating another year of life to making sure we are living the years we have with greater honesty, courage, and intention. It is time now for a Dear Grave Woman, featuring author, speaker, and end-of-life dueler Joelle Simone, sharing the kind of truth that reminds us that preparing for death is not about giving up on life. It's about living more fully while we are still here. Joelle, the floor is yours.
SPEAKER_02Hey Sean, and welcome back, everyone, to Dear Grave Woman. My name is Joelle Simone, and I am known all over the world as the Grave Woman. I am also your host here on the Senior Zone for the three-minute segment Dear Grave Woman, where we talk about life, death, grief, pre-planning, and everything in between. Today I want to talk a little bit about retirement. My father will be retired, newly retired, by the time this broadcast airs. However, in preparation for his retirement, and honestly, just out of curiosity, I have been asking him a lot of questions about what legacy he wants to leave behind, not just in the lives of myself, my sister, and all of the all those that he has impacted in our family and community, but particularly with his work. And a big part of the conversation has been about him returning to work. And it makes me think about the fact that when we're having conversations about death, dying, grief, and especially re-planning, I look at it as almost as important and as well-earned and deserved as retirement. You have been working your entire life, especially those of you the target audience of the senior zone. You have dedicated your life to your career, to your family, to your loved ones, and to every person that you've touched through the work that you've done throughout the years. However, if you have not made your pre-arrangements, the work is not done. And so for those of you that are approaching retirement age or that have retired without pre-planning for your end-of-life experience, whether that be health, the type of care you want to receive, the type of facility or home environment that you want to spend your final days, your estate planning, what's going to happen to all of the things that you've accumulated throughout your life, take in consideration for your financial legacy, and last but not least, your funeral and burial arrangement, the work that it has not done, and I do not want you to retire these thoughts in your mind. Instead, I encourage you to get back, quote unquote, in the working lane for just a minute and complete those plans. I think that especially from my perspective, funeral and burial pre-planning should be a conversation that is had as a part of a retirement package conversation. But unfortunately, a lot of times that's not the case. And so again, I employ you that if you are someone who has spent your life dedicated to service and working and just doing whatever it is that you've done to survive all these years, please consider that your work and retirement are not fully earned or completed until you've made those final arrangements. Sean, back to you for the later life lowdown.
SPEAKER_04Thank you, thank you, Joel Family. Life does not always give us advanced notice before something changes. So say what needs to be said. Make peace where peace is possible. Put your wishes in writing, and most importantly, do not wait for a crisis to begin the conversation that love requires. And
Later Life Lowdown
SPEAKER_04now, family, it's time for your later life lowdown, a quick look at news, resources, and community information helping older adults like you and me throughout Washington, D.C., Maryland, and Northern Virginia. First up in Washington, D.C., the DC Department of Aging and Community Living continues to connect residents age 60 and older with senior wellness centers, offering fitness, recreation, education, meals, and opportunities to stay socially connected. Programs they vary by location and may be offered in person or virtually. To locate a center near you and learn about available services, call the DC Department of Aging and Community Living at 202-724-5626. That's 202-724-5626. Now, in Maryland, Maryland Senior Centers remain an important connection point for older adults seeking recreation, health education, nutrition assistance, social engagement, and information that can help them remain active and independent. To locate programs and aging services in your county, contact the Maryland Department of Aging or your local area agency on aging. And now in Northern Virginia, Fairfax County Senior Centers provide social, educational, recreational, and fitness opportunities for adults 50 and older, including things like art, music, technology, exercise, and opportunities to build new relationships. For more information about membership or to find a center near you, call Fairfax County Neighborhood and Community Services at 703-324600. That's 703-324-4600. And family, don't forget about this one, benefitscheckup.org. It's a website. Benefitscheckup.org is a free and confidential service from the National Council on Aging that can help older adults and people with disabilities identify programs that may assist with food, medicine, health care, housing, utilities, and everyday expenses. Just visit benefitscheckup.org.
Closing
SPEAKER_04And family, that's a wrap. That brings us to another end of another edition of the Senior Zone. My hope is that something you heard today helped you feel more prepared, more encouraged, or simply reminded you that you are not alone. Thank you to today's guests for sharing your knowledge, your compassion, and your time. And to you, our listeners, thank you for continuing to trust us, support us, and spend part of your Monday with us. So until we meet again, keep your head high, keep your heart full, and always be someone who makes someone else look forward to their tomorrow. Love you. Peace.
SPEAKER_06Be sure to join us on our next broadcast. Until then, live simply, love generously.
SPEAKER_10Speak kindly.
SPEAKER_06God willing, the seniors go will be here for another informative and entertaining hour next Monday morning at 10 a.m.
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