The Senior Zone
The Senior Zone is the DMV’s #1 weekly radio program dedicated to empowering adults 50+ to live fuller, healthier, and more informed lives — now available on demand as a podcast.
Hosted by Shawn Perry since 2012, The Senior Zone features thoughtful conversations with trusted experts, community leaders, advocates, and everyday people doing extraordinary work in aging, health, finance, caregiving, and purposeful living. From timely resources and consumer protections to inspiration, wisdom, and real talk — this is where experience meets opportunity.
Whether you’re planning your next chapter, supporting a loved one, or simply committed to thriving beyond expectations, The Senior Zone delivers insight, clarity, and encouragement — one meaningful conversation at a time.
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📍 Originally broadcast on WYCB 1340AM (Washington, DC)
The Senior Zone
Ep. 723 | More Life, More Meaning: Longevity, Grief & Living Better After 50
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What does it really mean to live longer—and can we make those extra years healthier and better for everyone?
This week, Shawn Perry launches The Longevity Zone, a new recurring conversation on The Senior Zone exploring longevity, healthy aging and the disparities that can determine how long and how well we live.
Dr. Jean Accius, President & CEO of CHC: Creating Healthier Communities, joins Shawn to discuss the longevity gap, the connection between community and health, and what individuals and organizations can do to help more people live longer, healthier lives.
Then, author Marcy Kelly joins Shawn for a heartfelt conversation about grief following the unexpected death of her only child, Michael. Her forthcoming memoir, The Porcelain Heart: A Mother’s Memoir of Unexpected Loss, explores love, loss, memory and navigating that difficult first year.
Plus: Birthdays of the Week, Dear Grave Woman with Joelle Simone and the Later Life Lowdown.
The Senior Zone—serving the 50+ community since 2012.
Thank you for listening and until we meet again…keep your head high, your heart full, and always — be someone who makes someone else look forward to their tomorrow.
Welcome to The Senior Zone
SPEAKER_12Welcome to the Senior Zone, where we connect older adults with the organizations and resources that serve them.
SPEAKER_03The Senior Zone's goal aims to educate, empower, enlighten, entertain, and engage older adults with the tools and information to stay healthy, happy, and secure.
SPEAKER_09Great guests, health tips, upcoming events, and useful information.
SPEAKER_03So get ready to take notes.
SPEAKER_12It's now time for the senior zone.
SPEAKER_01Good morning, family, and welcome to the Senior Zone, the DMV's number one weekly radio program serving our beloved 50 plus community since 2012. I am your host. I am fired up this morning. I am Sean Perry, and as always, I am grateful that you have chosen to spend part of your Monday morning with us. And now here's your weekly vitamin for the days ahead. Don't just count the years, make the years count. Growing older gives us something incredibly valuable: perspective. We understand that time matters, health matters, relationships matter, and sometimes the best thing we can do is stop waiting for the right time to start living better. Wherever you are today, there's still room to grow, heal, reconnect, and create something meaningful. And that was your weekly vitamin. And it also brings us perfectly into today's show. In our first segment, we're launching something brand new, y'all: the Longevity Zone, a continuing conversation about living not simply longer, but healthier and better. My first guest is Dr. Gene Axias, president and CEO of CHC, Creating Healthier Communities, and we're talking about what it will take to close America's longevity gaps. And then in segment two, author Marcy Kelly joins me for a deeply personal conversation about grief, love, and remembering those we've lost. Her forthcoming memoir is The Porcelain Heart, a mother's memoir of unexpected loss. And later we'll have Birthdays of the Week, as we always do, followed by Dear Grave Woman featuring Joelle Simone, and then Later Life Lowdown, news, events, and resources that you can use. And remember, wherever life takes you after today, the Senior Zone is now available on demand through our favorite podcast platforms. Take us with you on your walk, in your car, around the house, or share an episode with somebody who needs to hear it. Just search the senior zone with Sean Perry wherever you listen to podcasts. Before we go any further, y'all, I gotta show some love and appreciation to our sponsors and partners. So thank you, Legal Counsel for the Elderly, AARP of the District of Columbia, AARP of the State of Maryland, Compassion and Choices, Jewish Council for the Aging, Mary Center, and the DC Department of Aging and Community Living. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Folks, we'll be right back after this short break, brought to you by Legal Counsel for the Elderly, providing free legal and social work services to D.C. residents most in need. Don't change that dial. I'll be right back.
SPEAKER_06Legal Counsel for the Elderly champions the dignity and rights of DC elders by providing free legal and social work services to those in need. Worried about eviction or foreclosure? Need help obtaining Social Security or Veterans Benefits? Call Legal Counsel for the Elderly at 202-434-2120. Income eligibility applies. LCE is an affiliate of AARP 202-434-2120.
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SPEAKER_01Welcome
Dr. Jean Accius: Living Longer, Healthier & Better
SPEAKER_01back. I am your host, Sean Perry, and this is the Senior Zone. All right, family, today we're launching something new here on the Senior Zone, the Longevity Zone. And when we talk about longevity, I don't want us thinking only about adding more candles to the birthday cake. The bigger question is how do we add more healthy years to our lives and make sure everybody has a fair shot at those years? My guest has made that challenge part of his life's work. Dr. Gene Axius is president and CEO of CHC, Creating Healthier Communities, an organization that brings businesses, nonprofits, and communities together to remove barriers to healthier lives. I heard Gene speak earlier this summer, and one goal stayed with me cutting the longevity gap in half over the next 10 years. So I thought if we're going to introduce the longevity zone, this is exactly where we need to begin. Gene, my friend, welcome back to the Senior Zone.
SPEAKER_04Sean, thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for being at the event back in early uh July as we launched this big, bold initiative, this moonshot to close the gap between the healthiest and least healthiest communities in our country.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you for having me uh there. And let's just jump right into it, my friend, with the time that we have. Let's start with the phrase itself. When you talk about the longevity gap, what exactly are we talking about and just how large can that gap be from one community to another?
SPEAKER_04Well, Sean, I think that's a very important question. When we talk about longevity, what I'm referring to is this concept of time. If you think about it, time is the most precious resource we have. We can renew any other resource. We can innovate, we can produce every other resource on the planet. But once time is spent, there's no getting it back. It's really a finite resource with no substitute or alternatives, which makes that time is very valuable and expensive. So when we talk about longevity, what we're talking about is the fact that how much time do people have on this planet to do the things that they want and love to actually do? And for many people in our community, in our country, time is being robbed. And it's not just time loss. We're talking about millions of people are losing um precious time to live their fullest potential, to the tune of about 20 years on average. So you can have two neighborhoods, you can have two neighborhoods with two different life expectancies by at least 20 years. In Chicago, it's 30. In DC, it's 27. So two neighborhoods in DC that are less than 10 miles apart have a 27-year gap in how long they actually live. That is time that's being robbed, Sean.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. You know, when we hear that phrase longevity, myself included, you know, just assume that it's about, you know, one's genetics, maybe doctors and personal choices uh that were made uh uh in our lives. But you've argued that the story is much bigger than that. And that's what you just kind of alluded to just now. You also said something back in July, uh, Dr. Axios, that got my attention. And you just talked about it. That one zip code can tell us a great deal about how long and how well we may live. Why can two people living just a few miles apart experience dramatically different health outcomes and even different life expectancies?
SPEAKER_04Well, that the that is spot on, Sean. The general environment and conditions where people live, learn, work, play, worship, and age has tremendous influence on their health and longevity. Just about 20% of your longevity is uh associated with your genetics, if you will. 80% of it is based off where you live. It's based off your uh the conditions in which you find yourself living in. So that means the fact that you can have two individuals that are living in two different neighborhoods that are less than, again, 10 miles apart, and have drastic, drastic differences in how long and how well they actually live. And one of the things I've talked about quite a bit, Sean, and I think it's important for our listeners to um to kind of think about this and really help us not just raise awareness, but really figure out how we actually close the gap collectively, is the fact that in many cases, in many parts of our society, we celebrate longer life. And my question is, why do we celebrate longer life yet tolerate premature death? We know that in some communities that have the lowest life expectancies because of limited uh because of the environment they find themselves in, where there might be significant pharmacy deserts, food deserts, limited economic mobility, limited transportation. Why are we not working collectively to partner with those communities to ensure that the resources are being built, that the communities know what they want and need, and that they have the opportunity to thrive? Why do we celebrate longevity but tolerate premature death? Because this is something that's actually solvable, but it's going to require will. We all know and have a sense as to which zip codes we might or might not want to drive through at certain parts of the evening. Why is that? But why do we tolerate that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You know, during the uh forum, you know, uh you changed the conversation in my head. I used to talk about knowing your numbers, right? Your blue your blood pressure, cholesterol, you know, et cetera. Uh, but I also learned that it's just not about what you know one should eat or how how often one should exercise. It's about the community that one is also aging uh in. And so that what you you got me uh there, hence now the uh the longevity zone on the senior zone. Uh, you also have an ambitious goal, as I mentioned in my intro, uh, Dr. Axias, cutting the longevity gap in half, half in roughly the next 10 years. What would have to happen in America for us to accomplish something just that big?
SPEAKER_04Well, Sean, here's what I'm gonna say to you uh to answer your question. We cannot afford the status quo. So the cost of inaction is something that we collectively cannot afford. These gaps cost us about $1.4 trillion every year. We're seeing people lose their lives and precious time on this earth for things that could actually be achieved and solved if we had the collective will. We're seeing businesses not have a healthy workforce in order for them to produce innovative products and be on the cutting edge. We're seeing significant uh challenges, particularly uh in health care. Uh, not only that, it's also a national security issue, Sean. Do you know that 77 military officers sent a letter to the Secretary of War indicating that over 65% of young adults are not healthy enough to qualify to become eligible to join the military? Where do you think those young adults live? In community. Right? So this is an economic, this is a national security imperative that we cannot afford not to address. So that is what I really would like to start with is the fact that the cost of inaction is something that we cannot afford, both economically and as well as a race to our national security, in addition to the moral imperative of addressing this. Dr. King said himself, of all the forms of injustice, of all the forms of injustice, inadequate access to health care is the most dangerous and inhumane because it often leads to death.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So let's talk about that because this is a big, this is an ambitious uh goal, and I applaud you uh for uh undertaking it. So where would you concentrate first? You just mentioned access to health care. Uh is it also food, housing, transportation, safe places to exercise, employment, social connection? The list is endless. Which of these levers, Dr. Axios, gives you the greatest opportunity to begin closing that gap?
SPEAKER_04So absolutely. I think that one of the things that we have to do is really look at partnerships differently, radically differently. And what I mean by that is the fact that we have an opportunity now to think about how do we bring together philanthropy and business and nonprofits in a way that have not collaborated in the in previous years to really be able to solve those? So, as your listeners are uh listening to this conversation today, what needs to happen differently with respect to how your organization leads and interact with community in order for us to be able to close those gaps? To what extent are we centering the lived experiences and voices of the community at the center of our strategies, of our strategic plans as leaders? And that cuts across every single sector. The other thing that I also think is critically important is the fact that we know that many businesses have social impact strategies where they are actually allocating dollars to communities. And we also know that many nonprofits are on the front lines of addressing the suffering and pain that so many communities and families are encountering. And what is the opportunity to really think about how we bring those sectors and these organizations together around this common goal? Because it's actually going to require all of the things that you mentioned, Sean, that it's gonna require looking at food security, it's gonna be looking at housing instability, it's gonna be requiring ensuring that there's adequate access to health care, that we're addressing the issues around pharmacy deserts and food deserts, right? And no one organization can solve any of these issues in isolation. So part of the focus is number one, is to understand that we cannot afford to do what we've always been doing and expecting a different result. So that's the first part of the strategy. The second part of the strategy is to say, okay, how do we bring organizational leaders together from different walks of life, from different sectors to the table? And part of being at the table is understanding what the community said they want to need and then creating a joint plan to actually address that. Because if you're talking about health care, you're talking about food insecurity. If you're talking about food insecurity, you're talking about health care. If you're talking about mental health, you're talking about physical health. If you're talking about physical health, you're talking about mental health. We're talking about a whole person approach to addressing these issues, which means that we have to tackle it differently. So it starts with awareness, it builds onto partnerships, and then it actually says, okay, what does the community say they want and need? And then how do we turbocharge that in a way to close some of these gaps? Because you have to listen to people. And then the last key policy level, Sean, and then I get very excited about this, is that we have to talk about policy change. We have to talk about what are the local, state, and federal policies in place or the lack thereof that need to ensure that we're not exacerbating these disparities, that we're actually closing them. So there's a there's a personal responsibility, but there's a collective responsibility. And that collective responsibility cuts across individuals, business, philanthropy, nonprofits, and government.
SPEAKER_01So let's talk or move uh slightly away from policy and let's talk person, right? Let's just bring it down to the kitchen table uh level for Miss Hattie May out there as I always uh have used that name. What can an older adult listening to us this morning actually do starting today uh to improve the chances of not just living longer, Dr. Axias, but living healthier longer?
SPEAKER_04That is a for Miss Hattie May and for all the Miss Hattie Mays out there and the Mrs out there and everyone in between, there's things that we can actually start to do today. First is to really start to have some of these conversations with your neighbors and say, okay, how do we come together around some shared uh community needs? What does that actually look like for us? Uh having those conversations are critically important. Coming up with a plan that leverages not just the assets of the community, but also say what resources that might be available through our community foundation? What resources might be available through our local government to actually be able to address those needs? The other piece to that too is the fact that oftentimes local governments they do a community health assessment. They're required by a law to do an assessment of the community. To what extent are your neighborhoods being part of those health assessments? And that could be intentional or unintentional, but you want to know about them because the more your local government, the more your health care hospital system in your community knows what your challenges, what your needs are, the more we can co-create opportunities to help address those. So part of that is really uh being brave enough and courageous enough to say, okay, we are in the driver's seat of our own community health. We know that we want to live healthier, longer for as long as possible. We want more time on this precious earth to do the things that we uh love to do, whether that is playing cards with our friends, watching our grandkids grow older, or giving back in some meaningful way. And I think for the Ms. Hattie Mays in the community who have always been uh the anchor and the root of our communities, we need you. We need your boldness, we need your vision, we need your courageousness, we need your leadership to be able to bring the community together, to have these conversations, to understand who the stakeholders are, who are the leaders of power in the community, and to really say, okay, how can we co-create solutions that meet our needs today? Not five years from now, not from 10 years from now, but but starting today, we need to hear from you. We need to hear your stories. We need to know what is working and what is not working, and how do we partner in a way to solve that together?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I can see the Ms. Hattie Mays out there, and Mr. Mr. Jones is out there. They're raising their hands right now, uh, wanting to know where they can uh get involved uh in reducing this longevity gap. And we are we'll work on that. You know, individuals, you know, we can only do but so much, and that's where the institutions and you know uh you know have to come into this conversation. What responsibilities, again, Dr. Axias, do employers and health systems and local organizations, uh, as well as businesses have in helping people live longer and healthier lives?
SPEAKER_04It is in their financial and economic interests to ensure that people can live healthier and longer and healthier lives, uh, Sean. Uh at CHC, we released a report called Build to Thrive. And what we found was that the fact that employers lose about $575 billion every year because of the fact that uh their workforce is not as healthy as it could potentially be. Workers have to go back home to their communities, and as we just talked about, where you live, the conditions of where you live impact how long and how well you actually live. So that is actually showing up uh at the uh on the bottom lines of the revenue lines for companies. So businesses have an opportunity to think about how they ensure that their workers are living healthier lives by investing in community health. Health systems have an important element of this because of the fact that they know that so much of your health happens outside the walls of a hospital. So, to the extent to which health systems can ensure that they are connecting you to food, that they're connecting you to housing. And in fact, many hospitals, Sean, are actually doing just that. That they actually ensure that as part of prescribing you medication, that they're also in connecting you to nutritious food, that they're ensuring that you have access to transportation. And in some cases, some hospitals have even invested in housing because of the connections between housing and health. So this is something that we collectively have to do. It is not one organization, one sector, but it has to be the collective.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Dr. Axis, we're gonna run out of time uh very, very soon. Uh so one of my last questions, if we have this conversation again, uh, let's say in five years uh from now, what numbers or changes should we be look should we be looking at to know uh if we're on track in terms of closing the uh longevity gap?
SPEAKER_04Absolutely. I I the first and foremost is to what extent has have we made a meaningful dent in narrowing the gap between the healthiest and least healthiest communities in our country? That's the first and foremost metric, Sean. The second is to what extent have we been able to identify promising models that are actually helping to ensure that people get access to uh high quality and affordable care? However, they defined it. That's the second uh element, uh Sean. The third piece is to what extent are we seeing more partnerships happen between traditional and untraditional organizations? In a way that drives significant increases in better health outcomes across all ages and life stages. Really quickly, we've seen this in Georgia, where we as an organization at CHC, in partnership with 69 other organizations, partnered in ways that we had not partnered before. And as a result of that partnership, we saw a significant increase of 131% increase in clinical services. Over 182,000 people were touched in less than 18 months because we were able to broker the right partnerships to scale for impact and ensure that people had access to the services and supports that they actually needed. So that is what we're talking about here, Sean, that collaboration is the new form of currency, that it takes awareness, it takes boldness, it takes vision, and it takes identifying what is working in communities and helping to scale that in ways that meet the needs of our families today and our workers today, so that way we can have stronger, more vibrant families, communities and workers tomorrow.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Dr. Axias, unfortunately, my friend, we are out of time. But I want to give you the microphone, 30 seconds. Any closing remarks uh before we have to go?
SPEAKER_04First of all, Sean, I just want to acknowledge and thank you for your vision, your leadership, and your boldness and your level of courageousness to say I want to create uh the longevity zone to really bring uh awareness and conversation and solutions to closing that gap. So that's the first and foremost, is my deepest gratitude to you. To all of your listeners, I want to say that we have an amazing opportunity together to think about how we are going to close this gap between the healthiest and least healthiest neighborhoods in our communities, that we have agency, uh, that we have ideas, uh, that uh through uh convening other residents in your community and coming up with plans and really thinking about strategic partnerships, we can close those gaps. Uh, that is going to require both us as individuals, but us as collectives, and that also includes organizations and institutions to come together because this is an issue that we cannot afford to ignore.
SPEAKER_01Ladies and gentlemen, that was Dr. Gene Axius, president and CEO of CHC, Creating Healthier Communities. Thank you, Dr. Axius, for helping us launch the longevity zone here on the Senior Zone and family. You're going to hear much more from us on this subject because longevity affects virtually everything we talk about on this program: health, money, housing, caregiving, purpose, relationships, and the communities we all call home. The goal isn't simply more years, it's more healthy years for more of us. Dr. Axias, as always, thank you for spending time with us uh today on the Cena Zone.
SPEAKER_04Thank you so much, Sean.
SPEAKER_01All right, thank you, my friend. Folks, this next break is brought to you by Compassion and Choices, empowering everyone to chart their own end of life journey. We'll be right back. And life choices matter.
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SPEAKER_01Welcome back.
Marcy Kelly: Love, Loss & The Porcelain Heart
SPEAKER_01This is the Senior Zone, and I am your host, Sean Perry. Now, family, there are some experiences in life that eventually touch nearly every one of us. And grief is one of them. And as we get older, many of us have experienced more than our share of goodbyes. Parents, spouses, siblings, lifelong friends, and sometimes heartbreakingly, our own children. But even though grief is universal, we still struggle with what to say and what to do when somebody we care about is hurting. My guest today says sometimes one of the most powerful things we can do is actually very simple. Say their loved one's name. Marcy Kelly is the author of the forthcoming memoir, The Porcelain Heart, a mother's memoir of unexpected loss, which tells the story of losing her only child, Michael, and navigating that first painful year afterwards. Marcy, welcome to the Senior Zone and thank you for trusting us with such a personal story. I'm glad to be here. It is a pleasure and honor to have you here. So, Marcy, before we talk about grief, I want our listeners to know Michael. Who was your son? What do you most want people who never had the privilege of knowing him to understand about the person he was?
SPEAKER_07Well, he was very smart. He was very funny. He was sensitive. He cared about people. He was very um aware of what was going on in the world, whether it was pop culture or what was in the news. And I was very proud of the man he became. He was 45 when he died. And uh he had been a Hellion as a kid. Uh so I was very pleased that he had grown up and, you know, become a really very good person.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And that's where I think, Marcy, our conversation should begin. Not with how Michael, you know, passed, but you know, with the fact that Michael lived, right? So as I said in an intro, you have a wonderfully simple message for people supporting someone who is grieving. And you say just say their loved one's name. Why can hearing that name be so important?
SPEAKER_07Well, I think it's more of not hearing it somehow erases your child. I found when Michael died, it was unexpected, came out of nowhere, that people tried to avoid mentioning him. And a couple of friends invited me to a lunch about a week after he died, and I thought, well, that would be a good excursion. I should do that, I should be around people. And we sat at a table, there were four of us, and they never mentioned him. And I kept thinking, what is going on? What is this about? And I eventually became part of a parental grief group that was run by a nonprofit here in LA. And I was with other parents, generally six or eight of us who had lost adult children, and we all had this experience. And we talked about it, and we finally determined that people thought if they mentioned our child's name, that it would make us sadder, that we would get emotional, that they wouldn't know what they wouldn't know how to handle it. And so we we so it so anyway, we we tried to make sure that people knew it was okay, but it it's it's a common thing and it's very hurtful to the parent or the bereaved, you know, when that happens.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think that's something, uh, Marcy, that you know, uh many of us, myself included, need to hear because sometimes silence, while it may come from a good place, you know, we're simply afraid of also making things worse in that moment. So we may not say the name or say anything at all. But let's talk or help the person listening right now, Marcy, who genuinely cares but says, you know, Sean, I don't know what to say. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing. What should we say to someone who's grieving and what should we stop saying?
SPEAKER_07Well, I'm gonna start with the negative first. Don't tell the the person who's grieving that you know how they feel because you don't. And don't tell them that the that the deceased is in a better place. Don't tell them that somebody lived a long and happy life, or that uh time will heal everything. What you should tell them is how sorry you are for their loss and a possible a memory. Perhaps you worked with this person. You could say, I I enjoyed working with with Sean so much, or with Andrew, with Melissa, you know, she was a bright light in in the work day, or or you know, she this person was my neighbor, and you know, just say something about them that shows that you knew them, that you cared about them, that you remember them fondly. And um and I also like to say to people that you know, when somebody dies, a lot of people surround you very quickly. And you just don't even know what's going on. You don't know who's been to the house, who brought what food. You you just a com everything is just uh I don't know how to say it. It's like a it's just it you're looking at it through gauze. But what is really would be helpful is to write on your calendar in two, three, four months, call that person and say, Would you like to go to lunch? Would you like to go to the movies with me? Could you come over and have dinner? Just something, or just reach out with an email or a phone call. Or maybe you say, I was thinking of Michelle today when I walked, you know, into the drugstore and I wanted to tell you how much I still miss her. In other words, let the person who's grieving know that the person they've lost mattered.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so, so uh important. You know, I, you know, I'm a well-intentioned guy, and everything that I do, I'm always well-intentioned, a good intentional sort of person here. But I also know that good intentions don't always translate into uh, let's say, helpful words. So that being said, Marcy, why do friends, even family members, sometimes stop mentioning the person who died?
SPEAKER_07I think they're trying to be sensitive. I think they they they feel that if I mention that child's name, the mother or the father is just going to have a complete meltdown. And the fact is that we know our child is dead. We're already sad, you know, we're but to just to ignore our child's name or or to just say, How are you doing? or I I I it's hard to explain exactly. I just that child has not left us. I mean, physically perhaps, but certainly not in our emotions or our memory. And so we would like to know that people remember and care. And and if you could share a story, that's just the best thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And I'm learning here, uh, Marcy, from you because I have listeners who have lost children as well. And sometimes they call or email uh because I try to stay connected with my listener uh ship. And I don't know what to say. So I'm learning from you here as as as well. Um, you know, you know, silence can become especially painful uh as weeks become months and months become years, and everybody else seems to return to their normal. Uh there's often an unspoken expectation that eventually we're supposed to quote unquote move on, right? Uh but your experience taught you that grief has no predictable timetable, as I understand it. What does that pressure to get over it misunderstand about loss?
SPEAKER_07Well, in our culture, we don't we don't deal with death very well, in my opinion. And for example, companies don't have uh leave for for a bereaved parent or sister or mother or or whatever. Um we don't have that in our states or the federal I think the federal government has some has some make some arrangements for that, uh, and that a person can take personal leave. But many people work in jobs where they're they cannot, they're not paid if they're not there and there is no leave. And so for that person, for example, let's just say that you work in a in a in a factory. I would not want a person who lost a child coming back to work in three days because that person is not capable of doing that job. And if it's a dangerous job or involves a knife or a forklift or anything of that nature, I don't think I don't think that's a very good idea. We need to, just as we've our culture eventually became aware of things like parental leave, we need to have bereavement leave. Um, so I I've kind of gotten off off the subject, but what was the question?
SPEAKER_01No, you're answering it, you know, quite quite eloquently. Uh you're a member of the.
SPEAKER_07About time. About time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_07One of the things that I did not know about grief. I mean, I had lost grandparents, I had lost my parents, I had lost an ex-boyfriend. But I had no idea the the effect that losing a child could have. And in my mind, I think until that happened, I did have a concept that there was a time when grieving was finished, when it was over. But when it comes to your child, I don't believe that that's true anymore. I believe that you you just walk with it for the rest of your life. And some days it's more visible to you, some days it's more painful, but nevertheless, it's always there. So this idea, well, it's been a year, she should be getting over it, or it's been three months, and why isn't she back at work? I think that we have to get over that and understand that this is a traumatic effect. In fact, a lot of parents, particularly mothers, um die within about five years after the loss of a child, usually from heart disease. It's called they call it broken heart syndrome, but in fact, it's real. It's a it's a real thing.
SPEAKER_01And uh it's it's a thought that I personally don't want to fathom. I can't imagine uh walking uh in similar uh shoes, and my heart just pours out for those that have to. I don't wish it on uh my worst enemy. I don't think I have any enemies, but I don't wish it on my worst uh enemies. So my heart goes out to all those walking in similar shoes uh to yours. Marcia, I want to switch a little bit with the time that we have, you know, left. What happens uh from your experience when two people who love the same person grieve very differently? How do couples or families avoid judging one another because one person wants to talk, another wants to become quiet, or somebody seems to be functioning too well under the circumstances?
SPEAKER_07Well, that was my experience. My husband and I did not grieve the same way. And um while I was obsessed with what had happened, how did he die? Why did he die? It took many, many months for us to get the inform the the information that could tell us that. My husband had the ability to function, to move on. And when I would want to, you know, have an obsessive conversation about this, he didn't. And so it did create a real crack in our our relationship for a period of time. But eventually, eventually we moved on and and and we dealt with it. Uh, I don't think everybody does. I think it depends on how strong your relationship is to start with. Um, but um I do think that you have to allow the other person to grieve in his or her way and respect it. And it's not your way, it wasn't my way, and I could get so angry with him. Why wasn't he feeling the pain the way I was? But he didn't. And um he had the ability to compartmentalize things in a way that I didn't.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What I've learned here on the Cenazone over the years, and we've had you know topics on grief quite a few times here, uh, uh, is that it's different for everyone, right? And that doesn't mean they're not grieving, they're just grieving differently than you or I maybe uh grieving. I'm not a mental health professional, so I don't want to go any further than just that. But I do want to talk about acceptance. You write about acceptance, but not in the traditional sense of letting go. For you, acceptance became about finding a new way to carry Michael and your love for Michael forward. What does that look like today, Marcy?
SPEAKER_07Well, I still carry him and the grief of his death. There isn't a day or probably an hour that goes by that he doesn't, you know, he doesn't pop into my mind for something. I mean, I see something on my desk that reminds him of him. I see his photograph when I walk through a room. But it could also be walking into a department store and thinking, Michael would like that sweater. You know, it's so that it it just becomes part of of your being. Um and uh I try to do a couple of things to support him and his memory. He was an only child, and I wanted to make sure that his memory would exist beyond my life, so I established a golf scholarship for him, and that continues, and I support that. And then I also he used to hike along the LA River. Um, and so I I erected a fountain there for people and for pets because he was a big pet, big dog person. And so that and I go there sometimes and I see people coming by and filling up their water bottles and the dogs lapping up water. So those are kinds of ways that I've tried to, I guess, honor him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, and you know, and continuing and continuing your life doesn't require ending the relationship that you have, in my opinion, that's right with Michael. Uh, there's a striking story in your book, A Porcelain's Heart, where you actually placed a food order using Michael's name, just so you could hear someone call, call out his name or call his name aloud. What did that moment reveal to you about memory and connection as well as grief?
SPEAKER_07Well, that's true that I did that because this was a period when people I noticed were shying away from mentioning him. And sometimes people who had known me forever and who knew him, they would call once and then I wouldn't hear from them. And so I missed them, I missed him, I missed hearing his name. And so I went into a Mexican restaurant and ordered something, I don't remember what. And uh I and they said, What is the name? And I just said Michael. And then in a few minutes they called his name out. And um anyway, it was uh I I needed to hear it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, well, good for you. Um uh and if you have to do it again, you can do it again. Yes, there's no license, there's no license required for doing what you uh have have done. That's right. You know, for many people that are listening right now in our 50 plus community, uh, Marcy, grief isn't limited to one loss. Over time, as I mentioned in my intro, you know, we we may lose our parents, siblings, spouses, friends. Our social circle can begin getting smaller. What have you learned about staying connected to life without feeling as though doing so dishonors the people that you've lost?
SPEAKER_07Well, I'm not sure that I'm exactly answering the question the way you've asked it, but what I discovered about grief was that it wasn't. Point it was it took up so much of my my head, if you will, my brain that I I was just consumed by the greed, and I realized that I had to find something that would fill some of that space. So for me, I saw an ad paper that said learn bridge in a day at a community center. And I went there and I started to learn how to play bridge because you cannot play bridge and be thinking about something else. So what it did is it filled up space in my brain. I know another woman who said that crocheting saved her life because apparently I can't crochet, but crochet takes a lot of effort and focus. So I say find something that will allow you, whether that's taking a painting class or taking a pickleball or whatever it may be, but find something that will fill the space in your head so that you're not obsessing with your grief. Which is, I think, what can happen if you just don't have things to do to help balance you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it can become consuming. Marcy, we are nearly out of time. My uh new friend. Uh one last question uh for you. Uh imagine someone listening right now who knows of a friend, a neighbor, or a family member who has recently experienced a loss. What's one thing they can do today that says, hey, I remember, I care, and you're not alone in carrying this person with you.
SPEAKER_07You can pick up the phone, you can send an email, you can send a card. Maybe it's a funny card that said it reminds me of. Or you could um plant a tree. It doesn't really matter what you do. You're just telling the person who's grieving, I'm thinking of you, I'm thinking of your lost, I'm thinking of the person you lost.
SPEAKER_01Beautifully uh said, my friend, you know, sometimes showing up doesn't require the perfect speech. Lord knows I do not give perfect speeches in those circumstances, but it does uh require presence, right? Uh a memory, as you said, a phone call. And yes, as I've just learned, it's saying their name, Michael. Uh or for our listeners out there who want to find your book, right? A porcelain's heart, where can they find it? In any bookstore.
SPEAKER_07You can order it on um Amazon now. It won't be released until October 27th, but you can put your order in now uh there or any or go to any bookstore and ask for it. They can order it.
SPEAKER_01Good stuff, good stuff. Marcy Kelly, thank you, thank you, thank you. And family, I think there's a message here that reaches far beyond this particular story. Love doesn't suddenly expire because someone dies. We don't have to erase a person's name to protect somebody who's grieving. We can remember them, tell the stories, laugh about the funny moments, acknowledge the hard days, and allow grief to take whatever time it takes. Marcy Kelly's forthcoming book is The Porcelain Heart, a mother's memoir of unexpected loss, available, as she just said, October 27th, all across the internet. You can find it there, I'm sure. Marcy, again, thank you for sharing Michael with us and thank you for helping all of us become a little better at showing up for the people we love. Thank you, Marcy. Thank you. All right, thank you again. Folks, you're listening to the Cena Zone. I am your host, Sean Perry. This next break is brought to you by AARP DC, your wise friend and fierce defender in Washington, D.C. When we return, it's birthdays of the week, followed by Dear Grave Woman, featuring Joelle Simone. And then it's your later life lowdown, news, events, and resources that you can use. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_10Today is your day to connect with AARP and DC. AARP is here in the District of Columbia working hard to make it an even better place to live, work, and play for people of all ages, and you can help. Put your skills and talents to good use as an AARP volunteer where you can help lead local events or become an advocate for the issues that matter in your community, like funding for programs that help district residents age with dignity and independence. AARP is also helping you get the most out of life. Check out their educational workshops where they can help you grow as a caregiver, find a job, and teach you about the latest technology, or enjoy the night out at any of their exciting local events, like their happy hours and free movie screenings. Today is your day to connect with your community and with AARP. So let's take on today and every day. Learn more at AARP.org slash DC. Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday.
Birthdays of the Week
SPEAKER_01So let's get this party started. First up, we have Jesse Powells Jr., 75 today, Monday, September 14th from Hampton, Virginia. Happy birthday, Jesse. Jill Feldon, 70 years young today as well. September 14th from Rockville, Maryland. Happy birthday, Jill. Joseph, I don't know if I can pronounce this one, Esparagura. Joseph Esparagura. That's my best for right now. Turn 61. Tomorrow, September 15th from Gathersburg, Maryland. Happy birthday, Joseph. Mary Lyles, 55 on Wednesday, September 16th from Waldorf, Maryland. Happy birthday, Mary Krista Evans, 76 on Wednesday, September 16th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Krista. Oh, I love this one here. Marion Peel, 62. You made it Social Security eligible, Marion turned 62 on Thursday, September 17th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Marion. Audrey Wilkinson, 64 on Thursday, September 17th. Also from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Audrey. Frank Smith, 84 on Thursday, September 17th from Washington, D.C. Happy birthday, Frank. And this next one, folks, is extra special to me. It's my mama, Diane Perry, 81. Friday, September 18th. Hailing now from Philadelphia, PA. My mama, happy birthday, 81 years young, and I am so blessed and grateful to be able to celebrate this with you. I love you and I'll see you soon. And finally, Tawanda Barnhart, 74 on Sunday, September 20th from Clinton, Maryland. Happy birthday, Tawanda. Again, happy birthday to each and every one of you from all of us here at the Senior Zone. May your new year bring you good health, good people, plenty of laughter, and more reasons to look forward to your tomorrow. And
Dear Grave Woman with Joelle Simone
SPEAKER_01now from celebration, we move into reflection. Up next, it's Dear Grave Woman featuring Joelle Simone, where honesty meets compassion and lived experience becomes guidance. So let's turn now to this week's edition of Dear Grave Woman. Joelle, the mic is yours, my friend.
SPEAKER_00Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Dear Grave Woman, your three-minute segment here on the Senior Zone, where we talk about life, death, grief, and everything in between as it relates to planning for the end. My name is Joelle Simone. I'm known all over the world as The Grave Woman. And today, in honor of National Preparedness Month, we are talking about how preparedness is not the same thing as predictability. When we think about being prepared for death, we often imagine having a will, making funeral arrangements, completing advanced directives, or talking with our families about our wishes. But what happens when death does not follow the plan? The truth is you can prepare for death without being able to predict when it will happen, how it will happen, or what circumstances will surround it. So today, I want you to think beyond the paperwork and ask yourself, are you prepared for the unexpected? You may be planning for a peaceful death after a long illness, but death can also arrive suddenly through a fall, an accident, a heart event, or even an unexpected medical emergency. And even if you've done everything right, your family may still not be prepared for the emotional shock of losing you. So don't only ask yourself, what do I want to happen when I die? Also ask yourself, what would my family do if things happened differently? If you live independently, have family who live far away, or have people who may need to travel to you in an emergency, this conversation becomes even more important. The second point that I want to make is to prepare for the possibility that you may not be the one making the decisions. What happens if you're no longer able to speak for yourself due to an injury, hospitalization, cognitive changes, or a medical emergency? If you've never communicated your wishes fully, the person responsible for exercising those wishes will have to guess what you wanted. Preparedness is giving someone instructions before they have to become an interpreter. Last but not least, I encourage you to prepare for the grief that comes before death. Now, this is especially important because grief doesn't always begin when someone dies. A lot of times, grief begins when you realize that something about the person that you love has changed. Maybe you've received a terminal diagnosis, maybe your children are having to watch you lose your independence, maybe dementia has changed the way that someone or you communicates. And maybe you can no longer do the things that you once did. And there's something that we don't talk about enough here, which is the person experiencing those changes, whether it's you or your loved one, is also grieving too. So preparing for death can also mean giving yourself and your loved ones permissions to grieve what is changing while you're still alive. Do not wait until the funeral to acknowledge loss, because sometimes the most meaningful and powerful conversations happen well in advance to our death. Sean, back to you for the later life lowdown.
SPEAKER_01Thank you,
Later Life Lowdown
SPEAKER_01Joel. That was an important reminder that preparation can't make life predictable, but it can give the people we love greater clarity when difficult moments arrive. And grief doesn't always begin with death. Sometimes it begins when illness, aging, or loss of independence changes someone we love. So, family, have the conversations, share your wishes, and prepare with love. And now let's turn to this week's Later Life Lowdown. Family, again, it's time for your later life lowdown where we are bringing you timely events, useful resources, and opportunities for older adults throughout the DMV. In the District of Columbia on Wednesday, September 16th, from 6 to 8 p.m., the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Library is hosting the closing celebration of Hometown DC, a community oral history project highlighting the voices and experiences of Washington residents. The evening includes an interactive performance featuring stories collected across the city. It's free and open to the public, and the library is located at 901 G Street Northwest. That's 901 G Street Northwest. For more information, call the MLK Library at 202-727-0321. That's 202-727-0321. Over in Prince George's County, Active Aging Week continues on Thursday, September 17th from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. with a free guided ceramics workshop at Harmony Hall Art Center in Fort Washington. It's designed specifically for Adult 60 and better, and no previous ceramics experience is needed. Materials are provided so you can simply show up ready to create, connect, and have a little fun. Harmony Hall Art Center is located at 10701 Livingston Road in Fort Washington. For more information, call 301-203-6070. That's 301-203-6070. And in Fairfax County, Spanish-speaking family caregivers may want to know about a free virtual dementia information session on Friday, September 18th from noon until 115 p.m. The session will be presented in Spanish and will cover the difference between dementia and normal aging, what living with dementia may feel like, and practical strategies for communicating with someone experiencing dementia. Registration is required. For more information, call Fairfax County at 703-324-5374. One more time, 703-324-5374. And finally, family, don't leave benefits on the table. Visit benefitscheckup.org. It's a website, a free service from the National Council on Aging that can help older adults identify programs that may assist with food, health care, medications, utilities, and other everyday expenses. Just enter your zip code and see what may be available to you. And folks, that wraps up this week's Later Life Lowdown where the info is fresh, the love is real, and the goal is always to enrich your journey.
Closing Thoughts
SPEAKER_01Family, another hour has come and gone. Today we celebrated life, reflected on the importance of preparation, and hopefully shared some useful information that can help you and the people you love along the way. And one more thing the senior zone has always been about more than a moment. It's about building something that lasts. That's why we are now available as a podcast so these conversations they can live on, they can be revisited, and they can be shared. Just search the senior zone with Sean Perry wherever you listen to podcasts. Again, I am Sean Perry, and as always, I thank you for spending part of your Monday with me here on the Senior Zone. So until we meet again, keep your head hot, keep your heart full, and always be someone who makes someone else look forward to their tomorrow. Love you. Peace.
SPEAKER_03Be sure to join us on our next broadcast.
SPEAKER_06Until then, live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.
SPEAKER_03Have a wonderful week, and God willing, the senior zone will be here for another informative and entertaining hour next Monday morning at 10 a.m.
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