Are We Flirting?
Sydney Rose Matthews and Greyson Hoelzel tackle life's most important question... Are We Flirting?
Are We Flirting?
syd and greyson go to jail sorta
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Welcome back to another episode of Are We Flirting. I'm your host and I'm your host, Grayson.
SPEAKER_08People are gonna think they're watching the same episode because that's been the intro already for two of them. Um, Grayson's pissing me off today.
SPEAKER_03I am I'm on one, guys. I feel so violently ill right now.
SPEAKER_08Grayson, tell tell our listeners how you got so sick. I'm gonna start a tally for every time you piss me off. You know how little kids, when they're sick, they don't know when to stop moving. So your mom's like, hey, you know, you just had a fever, you were just growing up. Why don't you like chill for a second and not run around? Every time you start to feel better, you like jump around like a toddler. What is that?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Maybe I maybe I enjoy the pain, maybe I enjoy the struggle. Um so the reason why I feel disgusting and horrible and hung over is because I did uh like a Zoom session with my childhood friends last night for four hours, and I just drank the entire time. And I blacked out, inevitably, and I woke up this morning at 7 a.m. on the floor of my bathroom.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, so I was I was super curious how Grayson got so sick. I was like, bro, where did you go last night? And he's like, Bro, I didn't go anywhere. I was on Zoom, and I'm like, that is I didn't leave.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_08So anyway, that's what I'm dealing with today.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, now Sid's mad at me for something.
SPEAKER_08No, he's been pissed. Is this mic going in and out?
SPEAKER_03No. I can hear it. Okay.
SPEAKER_08He's been pissing me off all day.
SPEAKER_03So he's just got here. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Well, also, I was like, bro, we said 7 30, and you're like, I'm gonna get there early, and I'm like, no, and you're like, we can just hang out for a little. Like us hanging out is me going, yeah, like he just wanted to moan in the presence of somebody else, and he keeps running in and out of my bathroom. So anyway.
SPEAKER_03I've been on all fours here in Sid's bathroom.
SPEAKER_08As my personal ottoman.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So anyway.
SPEAKER_03If randomly this cuts out just in the middle of nowhere, it's probably because the vomit is coming back, and I'm like, hey, I need to take a pause.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. You take that space king. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03So what do you have on the agenda for us this week? Well, up first, the reason why I grabbed my phone was because to talk to talk about why we're chilling. Which we already did.
SPEAKER_08So and then the second one was there more to that?
SPEAKER_03Awesome. The second one was talk about the Zoom meeting. So we got that covered in the first five minutes. Now, because of my hungover uh status this morning, I did not make it to my improv class.
SPEAKER_09Yes.
SPEAKER_03And this is the improv class that Sid and I are now taking together. Um, so I wanted to talk about I know we talked about it a little bit.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_08We've been kind of yeah, so I Grayson didn't come today. I was there all by my myself. I've been trying to decide whether or not we should pretend that we don't know each other.
SPEAKER_03I may have let the bag slip already that. What did you say? Uh week one, the teacher was like, is it when they were taking attendance, they were like, hey, is there a Sid here? And I was like, Oh, she's not, she can't make it today.
SPEAKER_08Okay, well, maybe we everybody probably forgot.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_08So I think we should just go into it and we should just act like we don't know each other. Oh my god, but like imagine us as scene partners.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, it would be we wouldn't I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. Oh, really? Yeah.
SPEAKER_08We definitely will. We'll be fine.
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_08So anyway, we're doing an improv class together. Um I just went for my first class today. I snuck into 201. Um, I've been on kind of kind of a uh consistent breaking the the rules thing, huh?
SPEAKER_03What else have you broken the rules about then?
SPEAKER_08It's funny you ask. Um, so I have a warrant out for my arrest. Oh, yeah. Allegedly.
SPEAKER_03Let me add this to the structure real quick. Yeah, so why don't you give us some details about that there, Sidney?
SPEAKER_08So allegedly, am I allowed to talk about this? I'm gonna have to look this up after. But yeah, anyway, the police showed up at the the home of my parents' house and said, um, we're looking for a Sidney Matthews and quite literally had an arrest warrant for a ticket that was run. Why why I sold my car, and the person that I sold my car to ran it before they switched the title. So that's what I'm dealing with now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So fraud is what I'm dealing with.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, basically the Philadelphia police found out she's claiming Bristol PA.
SPEAKER_08Don't mess around in Bristol PA.
SPEAKER_03Basically, the police of Pennsylvania found out she is cosplaying as a bisexual, but she's only ever had boyfriends. And they were like You love saying this. They were like You love saying this. Take her in, folks.
SPEAKER_08No, they literally told my stepfather that they just arrested an elder elderly woman a few weeks prior for the same offense and had her in a holding cell. And I just thought that would be crazy lore.
SPEAKER_03Like a a holding cell? It'll be nice to be held.
SPEAKER_08I want to be held. I was like, oh my god. The only thing that I don't fuck with is the toilet stitch.
SPEAKER_03Here or in jail? Both. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if I can drop trout in front of a bunch of random folks.
SPEAKER_08I'm picturing you like in the holding cell today. You're like, mmm, I ain't probably anybody even in ginger tablets.
SPEAKER_03I just have I'm spewing diarrhea out of my ass for everyone to see.
SPEAKER_08What do you think? And I don't want to hear have a response. I really want you to think about this. What you would be like in jail. Like day day one in prison. Let's lay out the scene.
SPEAKER_03Well, based on the very limited Oh, my stomach. Based on the very based on the very limited information and knowledge I have about jail that's only come from like movies and shows. Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. I would my first day in how how long am I there for?
SPEAKER_08This is just day one. You don't you alright, we'll use my dad's sentence. So you're actually supposed to have like five to ten years, but you don't know that they're gonna let you out three years because of um good behavior.
SPEAKER_03Gotcha. Okay. I will try to learn as much as I can about who in the jail is like the go-to person and who I should avoid. Okay. So I would I would just ask a lot of questions.
SPEAKER_08What if they went up to you and they were like, sub bitch boy? Like day one. How would you respond to that?
SPEAKER_03I would act senile.
SPEAKER_08Get out of my face!
SPEAKER_03You know, like somebody that has um schizophrenia. Because I feel like they would avoid that.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. But I don't know, it just felt like it was wrong. Well, it was wrong. What you just said. Felt like it was like maybe offensive to some.
SPEAKER_03To people in jail with schizophrenia? Here's the thing, folks. When you're in fight or flight mode, when you're in survival mode, you have to act a certain way. Yeah, Grace knows all about this. Yeah, as an actor. As an actor. Um, no, I just like I would try to think like what is the quickest way to get off people's radars.
SPEAKER_08What's the quickest way to get off? What do you think you'd be in jail for?
SPEAKER_03Um lying.
SPEAKER_08Okay. That's crazy. What? They're like, how tall are you? And you're like 5'10. They're like, you're 5'2.
SPEAKER_09And then they're like, take him away.
SPEAKER_08That's the sound of the key locking. They're like, turn over, give me are you okay? You look sick. You look white in the face.
SPEAKER_03Whiter than usual. Yeah, we even have the ambient lighting on. It's yellow.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it's like kind of gonna be dark in here very soon. Um, yeah, I think I would do pretty well. I just talked about this this morning. I think that I would be somebody's bitch like day one, but then I would kind of get in with it. Like I'd be like good with everyone, and like they'd all be fucking me, and then I would um like sort of have some sort of like I'd become a leader, but like down the line. It would take a lot of time.
SPEAKER_03Gotcha. You're sleeping your way to the top.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08That's what I would do.
SPEAKER_03She's sleeping her way as a top.
SPEAKER_08No, I would definitely be a bottom in jail.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_08You could you rock bottom in jail. Come on. Look at me. I mean.
SPEAKER_03For the listeners for the listeners, you are not missing much.
SPEAKER_08I'm flexing my gigantic arms. Um, so yeah, so that's it. Um allegedly, I have a worn-out. Allegedly.
SPEAKER_03Allegedly. So take that to the bank. Is that do you have more to talk about for the improv? Like, did you take me through like your thought process, like going in? Did you think it was gonna be like how it was?
SPEAKER_08I feel like it was a lot how a lot how I expected. Um, but it was really fun. Like it's rare. I'm in a a space like that where I'm like excited to go next, but I was genuinely excited. But also I, you know, I was I didn't want to be like running up there. I'm like, I'm just gonna sit back and if it's my time, it's my time. But everyone in there was like super sweet, and we had some some really good some good banta. Um, but I had a lot of fun. I definitely think if anyone's interested in doing it, even like a little bit, you absolutely should.
SPEAKER_03You should. You should. Yeah. It's it's one of those skills that you don't realize is super useful until you start, you're like, oh, having to just make something up on the spot is actually really helpful for like working out your brain.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, and I feel like kids are so good at improv because they're not calloused to the world yet. So they step in to these no that literally, if you ever hear little kids playing, they're like, oh wait, and then you're a mermaid and your your tail turns into a to a fire, and then you're like they just can kind of go to the next thing to the next thing, and they'll just story build together. Also, um, we had an episode a couple weeks ago that we did remove. Uh basically it was just a little too spicy.
SPEAKER_03Basically, we took it down after we got a couple comments from some folks.
SPEAKER_08I was fine with it. I But the way Grayson talks about things that are like sexual Was one of your siblings one of them?
SPEAKER_03No. Are you sure? No. Or yes, I am sure.
SPEAKER_08No, I am not sure. Um, anyway, so that one's gone. So Grayson wanted us to be like really prim and proper for this episode, which we're not doing because he's he's barely a human. He's like a vessel of a human right now.
SPEAKER_03So on to the next subject. British people arguing, prim and proper. Did you see the video of Benedict Cumberbatch in the argument with the bicyclist?
SPEAKER_08I have no idea who that is. God. We have different algorithms, remember?
SPEAKER_03Basically, uh, it's just like two very proper English people arguing on the streets, and it's like very funny.
SPEAKER_05You're deluded.
SPEAKER_03Ready?
SPEAKER_01You're deluded. Take you on the lying. I was behind you the entire time. You verbally abused the eye.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, I verbally abused the guys. You completely repeatedly broke the law once.
SPEAKER_00And then you went to the city. No, I did not.
SPEAKER_06Then you went through a zebra crossing? You verbally assaulted me. Wait, they say zebra?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I love that.
SPEAKER_08Zebra?
SPEAKER_03Dude, why do you you when you talk sometimes? It's like you're trying to like sex somebody with your voice. Okay, that's actually just how I speak. No, you go, I love that.
SPEAKER_08I that's how I talk. Like, I just kind of I'm one of those people. I also will just like like Holly tells Holly count. Holly Holly tells me that I just if she knew how many times she got mentioned in these.
SPEAKER_03But I I like Holly, we know you don't watch this shit.
SPEAKER_08I moan when I eat.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you moaned a lot. Just randomly.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna point it out earlier.
SPEAKER_08What was I doing earlier?
SPEAKER_03The poppy. You took a sip of the poppy and you go, She did! And I was sitting here and I was like I don't know what it is.
SPEAKER_08Like, it's just it's like habitual at this point. Every time I put any type of food like near my mouth, I'm just like, hmm.
SPEAKER_03Anyway. Very, very interesting. Speaking of. I thought you uh I thought you saw that video, so that's what No, no, it's actually so much funnier that I didn't.
SPEAKER_08Wait, do you know what's funny? We we it's just us two scrolling next to each other.
SPEAKER_03This is gonna be a very chill episode. Last week it was a very sexually charged one. We decided to take it down, and now we're doing very chill, wholesome low-fi beats, something to study. Lo-fi beats. Yo, what's gone with James Charles? I was gonna tell that he was on my list. Aww. So, guys, basically, wait, do you know what happened?
SPEAKER_08Um, he just apologized again. So, Spirit Airlines um fired a bunch of their employees. One of the employees messaged him and was like, hey, you know, basically it's been really rough out here. I think she may have asked him to donate to her GoFundMe or something.
SPEAKER_03She didn't even ask him to well, maybe she did, but she my interpretation of what James Charles said was basically this woman who got fired lost her job. Spirit Airlines, rest in peace. Um, she was just like, Hey, do you mind putting my GoFundMe on your story? I don't even think she asked for him to directly donate any money.
SPEAKER_08God forbid somebody with 40 million followers. Like, I I uh that shit pissed me off. Like, God forbid, if he posted that on his story and like uh a third of those people donated 50 cents, like she'd be fine. Do you know what I mean? Like, people are so selfish.
SPEAKER_03God forbid, what is a person with 40 million followers doing looking at their DMs? Like that's so I just talk to him. As somebody who I d I certainly don't have that substantial of a following, but like I get DMs, you know. I do. I'm not looking at that shit.
SPEAKER_08Really? That's not true. You do look at them, but you also have significantly less than James Charles.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, well, I look at them for the purpose of like, it can I talk about this on the but you delete them. I delete the purpose, yeah. That's so nuts. But it's so crazy to me.
SPEAKER_08I keep them for like proof in in case I need them.
SPEAKER_03For as an alibi for the arrest allegedly out for your warrant? Wait. Who's war who's Warren?
SPEAKER_08And no one ever has to use this mic again.
SPEAKER_03Who's Warren? Why is he around for arrest? I made a joke like that on TikTok once and it bombed and I felt bad. I figured it would.
SPEAKER_08I think we should sing a little goodbye song to Spirit.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_07Bye.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_07Rest in peace, spirit Oh, you want me to be boxed? Rest in peace spirit. You man everything to me.
SPEAKER_06We flew with you in spirit. We all knew it. We knew it. We knew it. What do we know? Something about those tickets. Too cheap. Yellow and black like a bumblebee.
SPEAKER_07Spirit dream everything to me. Flying high above the sea. Spirit drama, baby. And now we have to cease. Rest in peace. Spirit El I dream everything to me.
SPEAKER_08I feel like we're like both kind of hungover. We probably could have done that for like a long time and then noticed that we were doing it. Anyway, I really liked that. Yeah, we too. We actually kind of rhymed it a little bit too. That was really I mean, one of us carried and one of us was uh there, but that was I thought it was pretty good for if as a group effort.
SPEAKER_03I did what I usually know what to do, and I stuck with my beeboxing. And then when you summoned me, I rhymed all my words, and it was like Speaking of Planes, I'm actually gonna attach these videos on here when we do. Should we actually talk about James Charles though, or should we just like Okay, yeah, I'm gonna get to that.
SPEAKER_08But speaking of planes, this is a new thing that they're doing on planes, and it's like these big sheets that go over you and the computer. What do you think's the problem with this? If you had to pick one. Uh let's look at the first comment. Okay.
SPEAKER_03The goon cocoon. Read the next one. So the stroke cloak, the wank it, the cockpit, the beat sheet, the squirt ear, the tuggies.
SPEAKER_08That one was a personal favorite.
SPEAKER_03So for the listeners at home, basically it's just a shawl over somebody sitting in their airplane seat.
SPEAKER_08And it's like a snuggy that covers your head.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. My I th my immediate thing was like, well, what if somebody has to get up to go to the bathroom? You gotta like shuffle by them.
SPEAKER_08Well, I guess you could knock.
SPEAKER_03You could tug on their on their somebody's tugging.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. I anyway, I think those are a little bit dangerous. Is this is this can you hear me when I talk into this thing? Yeah. Oh, maybe it's my gigantic voluminous hair that's covering my ears. I can't really get to. Anyway, so James Charles is a little fuck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so basically, James Charles has never worked for anything in his life.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Basically, that was my interpretation. It was just very tone-deaf, and I was like, dude, this guy fucking sucks. I did block him after that.
SPEAKER_08You did?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Wait, I forget that we have that power.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Wait, I'm gonna do that right now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. James Charles, if you're watching this, and we know you are.
SPEAKER_08Because I know a lot of these people are buying followers.
SPEAKER_03Do you think that's real?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I've followed people that I've never followed.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah. But I'm saying, like, do you think famous people are doing that to maintain their stature? Their clout. James Charles, Shame. You did a nasty thing, Shane.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I'm about to just call you Jim Charlie. How about that?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I I do want to call him Jimbo Chuckles for sure.
SPEAKER_08Jimbo Chuckles.
SPEAKER_03That was a comment on one of the posts. Oh, I really like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Um, there's a there was uh something else I wanted to talk about on here.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_08On my phone. Oh, wait. All this all this talk about travel. What about the Honta virus?
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, Honta virus. What's going on there? I will say this about Honta. I do think I watched the video, people are very obviously very scared given what the tragedy that was uh COVID virus back in 2020, shot out.
SPEAKER_08Um speaking of illness, Grayson keeps gripping his little tummy.
SPEAKER_03Speaking of speaking of gut problems. No.
SPEAKER_08You know what you need? A prebiotic soda. That's why I always drink Poppy, Shirley, Shirley Temple. Only five grams of sugar. And the taste we all love. Mm-mm. Shirley Temple feels like I'm a little kid again, having a little a sip. My parents are drinking uh something on the rocks, and I I asked for something that looked like alcohol, so they said, hmm, you can get a Shirley Temple. Shirley Temple, Proboxer.
SPEAKER_03Poppy, Poppy, Poppy, Poppy, Poppy. No one can stop. Poppy, Poppy. We all want a cop. Poppy, Poppy. I might change my name to Bobby. Poppy, Poppy, fiber in my tummy.
SPEAKER_08That's what's up.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Um, I really like that. Thanks. I think this might just be a musical podcast.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Should we what what's your favorite musical?
SPEAKER_07Movie or think of me. Think of me funny when we've said goodbye.
SPEAKER_03I don't know what this is.
SPEAKER_07Remember me who wants a new one. Promise me you'll try. You can tell she sings this. When you find that once again you long to take you.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, didn't hit that one.
SPEAKER_07And be free.
SPEAKER_03You can tell she sings this in her spare time when nobody else is around.
SPEAKER_08Okay. It's um Phantom of the Opera's my favorite one.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I've never seen that one. Really? No, but I know it's very good and very popular.
SPEAKER_08Type. Type.
SPEAKER_03Type shit. Type shit. No, for sure. For sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_08I think I want to do a uh a documentary that's like a fuckboy that's trapped inside of a 28-year-old white woman's body. Is this And like a type, type shit?
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_08Like I'm basically you and my body.
SPEAKER_03Oh. I thought you were just like saying like this is how you are as a person and you want to make a documentary about yourself.
SPEAKER_08A documentary? Sorry.
SPEAKER_03Oh, oh, yeah, let's make fun of the guy that's sick. Let's make fun of the guy that's ill.
SPEAKER_08Let's make fun of the guy. If it's self-induced, I'd I don't feel bad.
SPEAKER_03Self-induced.
SPEAKER_08But you know what's annoying is that Grayson's the kind of person who like he doesn't want you to help him, but then when you're but then when you're like roasty to him, then he's also like, well, don't be mean to me. So I'm like, cool, what's neutral look like? Just not myself.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That would be preferred. If I could change one thing about you, it would be everything. Actually. It would be I want you to change all of your personality, actually. I want you to be a completely different person when you're around me. Thank you.
SPEAKER_08If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
SPEAKER_03I wish you had really, really long shin bones.
SPEAKER_08No.
SPEAKER_03Something real. I can't.
SPEAKER_08You wouldn't wish that.
SPEAKER_03I wish. Okay. I wish your knees were inverted so you walked around like a bird.
SPEAKER_08Is that aura ring charged?
SPEAKER_03No. Actually, yes, it is. I started charging it. Um, we're so back. Um, guess who's back? This is what I mean.
SPEAKER_08Like you literally were just feeling like shit, and now you feel a little bit better, so you're like, ah, let me exert all my energy. Fucking you know what's like I just made a video about this about being friends with a guy.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, I never watched I watched that video live.
SPEAKER_08Sure.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Go ahead. Describe it.
SPEAKER_08But anyway, it's just like really difficult, and I think people romanticize it. Um, but it's actually miserable and it gives you a whole different per perspective on men that you didn't have before. Um anyway, you're gonna listen to it now?
SPEAKER_03Do you want me to play it into the microphone?
SPEAKER_08It's up to you. Are you on TikTok? Nobody talks about how difficult it is to have a guy best friend. I thought it was gonna be fun. I thought that I I was gonna have like a little pointy offer relationship advice from you know you be like a little stupid brother to be four, but it's still much more. And one of your single friends will be like, what's the deal? He's so funny, he's still cute. That means one, four, four, four, four. And with that same four, raw dogs is not their pin. So you're gonna be eating tough one for the foreseeable future. He also doesn't have a bed frame. So if you're into that, and I don't think he's ever watched his pillow game. Nobody talks about it.
SPEAKER_03So I'm gonna go ahead and address all these allegations all at once. So first of all. You just got that.
SPEAKER_08How when did you move in? Actually, wait, how long did you not have a bed frame? Let's talk about that. Um since you moved out, the last place.
SPEAKER_03Technically, he didn't really have a bed frame either. Okay, so how long has it been?
SPEAKER_08Um about a year ago. Okay. About a year, I'd say. When's the last time you washed your pillowcase?
SPEAKER_03I wash those every week, actually.
SPEAKER_08Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_03And get this, I flip them. So I I I I have two pillows, okay. One pillowcase is washed, okay. I I use the other one for a week, take it off, put on the clean pillowcase, wash the other one, and vice versa. And then I flip it like that. I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it. I'm surprised you flip two pillows.
SPEAKER_08One for your guests.
SPEAKER_03You know I don't have guests.
SPEAKER_08What do you call them? The people that visit and leave, if not guests.
SPEAKER_03Uh charity workers.
SPEAKER_08Oh, okay. Yeah. That's good. I'm glad we moved on from the self-deprecating thing we were doing before.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Charity workers, that's what I call people who come over and want to see me in the night.
SPEAKER_08What the actual pod. Have you been on any dates recently?
SPEAKER_03I have.
SPEAKER_08How's it been going?
SPEAKER_03I don't think she watches this, so uh no. I should just be single for a long time, I think. Oh, you know what's funny? We kind of talked about this. I did uh one of those street interview dating things, and I'm gonna seem like a major douche. So I can't wait for the the backlash of that.
SPEAKER_08It's not the one where she walks you around um on a leash? No, that was fun. That was amazing.
SPEAKER_03I really enjoyed that.
SPEAKER_08I'm actually still very upset you weren't on all fours.
SPEAKER_03I the other people on that show have done it before, but basically You were in a full suit, like you were in a suit.
SPEAKER_08I was like Jim from the office.
SPEAKER_03I was working and I was like, hey, I I don't, it's dirty out here. And she was like, oh, that's fine, I don't care. And so I was like, oh, cool. Oh so people were volunteering to do that. That wasn't a thing to like you have to do it.
SPEAKER_08So that was awesome.
SPEAKER_03But yeah, no, Erin's awesome, she's cool.
SPEAKER_08You've been getting after it.
SPEAKER_03What do you mean? What do you mean by that? What do you mean?
SPEAKER_08What's one thing that I would change about you?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, go ahead. Let's hear it.
SPEAKER_08I would make you love me more.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, boy, that's a tall order there. Stupid. Um have you seen the movie Obsession? It came out like that. No, but I really want to. Well maybe we should watch it. I know you don't like to do things with me, but Dog, I literally said, Hey, can I come over early so we can just chill?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, but you didn't say that we were gonna watch a fun, cool movie. What's it on?
SPEAKER_03It's in theaters.
SPEAKER_08In in the theater?
SPEAKER_07It's in the theater. Speaking of the theater.
SPEAKER_03Damn, bro. Yeah, you should flosh the wires between your toes. I bet the viewers would hate that.
SPEAKER_08We're so back.
SPEAKER_03We're so back. We're well well, this is welcome live to the We're Back department. We have your two, we have your two hosts.
SPEAKER_08I'm I'm Squirt.
SPEAKER_03Director and manager.
SPEAKER_08Yep, I'm the director, and this is a manager, and we're here with this is the We're So Back Podcast.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back to the We're So Back podcast, where we talk about all things that we are back in. For example, um, me back into the realm of being relevant. Yeah. I've made a couple videos and I'm back.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'm so back.
SPEAKER_08He's so back. And I'm back in I'm back in jail.
SPEAKER_03And she's gonna be back in jail very soon.
SPEAKER_08Stay tuned, stay tuned. Awesome. Yeah, I can't wait. Will you write me?
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, but it's I'm gonna write to you as if I am like off at a war somewhere.
SPEAKER_08Okay. I think we should do some prison improv today.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_08I got the ball rolling.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So here's my prison improv. You are uh one of the deputy sheriffs, somebody like a real hard ass, like doesn't take any nonsense. And I am a mime who is in jail for killing somebody.
SPEAKER_08Are you not gonna talk?
SPEAKER_03I alright, so I'm a crazy thing to do for a public.
SPEAKER_08I'm sorry, I cried the whole time.
SPEAKER_03I didn't realize I didn't think that one thing. Alright, so I am a clown, Jimbo Chuckles, and I do talk. I do talk.
SPEAKER_08You should be like based off of James Charles, though. For real.
SPEAKER_03So I am James Charles as if he were a clown, and now I'm in jail. Name Jimbo Chuckles. And my name, my street name is Jimbo Chuckles. And your name is Carl, and you're a hard ass deputy director. And you are confronting me because you think I am hoarding cigarettes.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Oh, oh, oh, come on in! Listen, Jim, Jimbo, you gotta give it up. You gotta give I I need you to start uh fucking taking this shit seriously.
SPEAKER_02Well, why what whatever could you mean, sir?
SPEAKER_08Listen, I know that you fucking took cigarettes from Big Pat. She just we're not dumb, Jimbo. Well, you may not be dumb, but you sure are having a good time. No, I'm really not. I'm having a really I'm having a real bad time.
SPEAKER_03Okay, Carl, can I I'm gonna drop the act here for a second. Carl. Do you realize how hard it is to get fucking cigarettes in prison? Okay. I'm putting those in my ass from Parthenon, walking back to my cell.
SPEAKER_08It's uh have you ever seen You're making your roommate uncomfortable, you're making the whole cell because you keep smoking, he got asthma.
SPEAKER_03I d what prisoner has asthma? Like that's the least of your worries, okay? How about this? How about this?
SPEAKER_08You look at me and you look at me real good. Yeah. I'm gonna take away your soul off. If you don't at the expense of your neighbor. Okay. Look at him. Look at him right now. You see him? Yeah. Okay? And if and actually drop down, give me 20. Drop down and give me 20 cigarettes, sir? No, you're gonna give me 20 fucking push-ups, or I'm gonna take this here glock and put it right in your fucking skull.
SPEAKER_02Why does a prison guard have a glock? That's like a street weapon.
SPEAKER_03What do you call it? Like a- I don't know. Maybe a revolver or like this here revolver. Smith and Wesson. Or maybe uh maybe uh G uh uh G43X.
SPEAKER_08Jim, but why do you know so much about guns?
SPEAKER_02Whoa, why do you think I got in here? Those weren't balloon animals I was creating.
SPEAKER_08They were guns. Alright. Well, I if it actually, you know what I'm gonna do? Fuck this. I'm gonna swap out your cellmate. Come here. And we're gonna introduce somebody else. Come here. This is uh Oh boy. This is Mr. McDonald. Come here. Come, Ronald. Get up in your cell. Yeah. So there's now there's two now we got two fucking smart asses in here. Two class clowns. We'll put you guys in the same spot. You guys can just go tit for tat. How about that?
SPEAKER_03Can I speak with you for a second? Candidly?
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Uh Ronald, fuck off for a second.
SPEAKER_03Okay, go ahead. What the fuck are you getting at here? Alright. Let alone this prison has clowns in general, but there's two, and you're you decide to stick them both in the same cell. Do you know how this is gonna end? I'm gonna hang Ronald. I'm gonna hang Ronald with that thing that I can pull out and it just keeps coming, the like the colorful cloth. The handkerchief? The handkerchief, yeah. Thank you. I'm gonna hang him with that.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03It's gonna be a lot of cloth. I mean, you know how There's a lot, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Holy shit. You just pull out two of those, two sets of these?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I've got plenty more.
SPEAKER_08Do it again. Holy shit. Yeah. How'd you get that in here? You're not supposed to have that many.
SPEAKER_03I'm boofing all of this. I'm shoving it up my butt and walking from Parthenon back to my cell. That's gonna be a big thing. Same thing with the cigarettes. Yeah. I mean, how do you think I get so many cigarettes? I do this with the cigarettes.
SPEAKER_07Holy shit! Where the fuck?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm hanging Ronald with all of those, all four of them.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Alright. Listen.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm not messing around here.
SPEAKER_08Listen, I I let's just keep this between us. I don't want to come off as prejudice or something because I'm putting all the clowns in one space. You know what I mean? But you're acting like a goddamn fool. Give me how about this? You give me the six, I'll get rid of Ronald, and we'll just there's no one thing about me.
SPEAKER_03I am a clown, not a fool. If you were to say that, if you were to mention a fool at the clown school that I attended, the Royal Clown School of Cambridge University. You went to school? Yeah. How do you think I got to be this good at this job? Do you think I learned this?
SPEAKER_08That's actually exactly what I thought. I was like, damn, he is so fucking pissed poor at being a fucking clown. One thing I'm not entertained by you, motherfucker, and I know that's not your real hair. James?
SPEAKER_03Duh.
SPEAKER_08Which is crazy because that's actually a real name.
SPEAKER_03Listen, right now you're talking to James. But when I got when I when I do Jimbo? Alright? You're not gonna have the same sentiment. Alright, Cal? Alright. You say you're fucking around. I'm not fucking around. You get you're getting the James right now. Let alone Jimbo's taking a nap. He's in the back seat. James is at the wheel now.
SPEAKER_08Oh, this is really scary. I think I saw a movie about this with Tom Holland. Unrelated. I'm still talking the accent, so it's confusing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I was like, is this a bit? But I still actually enjoyed that. Thank you, me too. One of the another one of the comments I got was that our uh when we do bits and characters and sketches on the pod, they're too long. No uh somebody did say that, but oh please.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, how many people said that? Because when I say we got feedback and it'll be like three, like three people, and I'll be like, all these people. Okay. Who was it? Someone we know?
SPEAKER_03Killer. She would goes to a different school. You don't know her. She doesn't go to our school. No, she does. No.
SPEAKER_08Awesome.
SPEAKER_03Well, that was fun. That was fun.
SPEAKER_07Hunter, hunter, I don't want you. Stay away from me. Hunter, hunter.
SPEAKER_04Gonna ruin your Christmas. There goes Santa.
SPEAKER_07Hunter, hunter. We don't want you. Keep your sick jums over there.
SPEAKER_04Hunter, hunter. Make me wanna drink funta. Hunter, hunter. Oh, I want to not go on a cruise anymore.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, did you hear that? Hunter virus is apparently staying in your sperm for six years and then it's gonna manifest into an STI. I saw that on the New York Post, so allegedly. We don't even know how real any of that shit is.
SPEAKER_03That's why you should no longer be boinking anybody ever. Wrap it up. I can't wait for the comments on this one. Hey, leave a comment below. Rate, rate, rate.
SPEAKER_08This is like the worst podcast we've ever done. Like we're places we've gone nowhere.
SPEAKER_03Rate us out of 10. Yeah. In the comments, please. I need to. It's fine. I can do some editing magic. This is gonna be a five-minute episode. Unfortunately, uh, that was all of the subjects that I had. Bro. What else is going on in the world? No one asked us to do this. There's the war. Oh, oh my god. Wait. Aliens. Did you see this? Did you hear this? Do you see this? Do you hear about this? Um the government is like releasing alien files again, and when people aren't asking for this shit. Wait, what do you mean by that? So basically, like the I don't know, they're like classified documents.
SPEAKER_08And so how do you see them?
SPEAKER_03Well, that's what they're they're unclassifying them, they're releasing them to the public. So basically, any run-in with like UFOs, uh unidentified flying objects, as they is the full government name for that. Um basically they're just r releasing a bunch of alien files, and a lot of it is like stupid. Like it's like images of ships and UFOs, but like nobody cares. Like the genuine reaction from this is that nobody cares.
SPEAKER_08Well, uh do you know why? I think it's because we are so fatigued by the news at this point that it's like, oh, aliens, alright. And I feel like this generation is so unserious that they're like, take me out. Yeah, no, genuinely. They would literally rather be uh be abducted by aliens than have to hear Elon Musk give a s a speech.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and honestly, he seems very alien-like.
SPEAKER_08It's weird I mentioned both of them, huh?
SPEAKER_03What? Aliens and Elon Musk?
SPEAKER_08What's the alienside this one?
SPEAKER_03No. This is we come in peace from Star Trek. Okay, type. I believe. Type shit. No, yeah. That's what uh what's his name? Flock.
SPEAKER_08Do you want to be a Gen Z Catholic priest?
SPEAKER_03Sure, I can try.
SPEAKER_08Okay, should I be an altar boy? I don't know if I should be a point. I think I should be an um okay, you're a Gen Z Catholic priest, and I'm a woman going into the confessional to tell you about my sins. Okay. Okay. And so if you for those that are unfamiliar with Catholic Church, basically you're in two uh coffin-sized cells, and you are next to each other through a through a screen.
SPEAKER_03Mesh screen. Yeah, basically it's phone booths that are next to each other, and there's a there's this mesh screen in between them, and the priest, me, uh, sits in one, and then the confessor sits in the other, and it's just like, forgive me, father, for I've sinned, and then the cat and then the priest is like proceed, and then they just go through all these things that they feel guilty about, and they're confessing their sins, and then at the end the father goes, and you are forgiven.
SPEAKER_08Well, he gives them he gives you like homework, so he's like, Alright, do like three Hail Marys and our father and the national anthem, and then like you're good to go. Okay. Type shit. Type shit. Okay. And scene scene.
SPEAKER_05Go ahead. Greetings, daughter.
SPEAKER_08Hi, father.
SPEAKER_05Good afternoon, please.
SPEAKER_08I just wanted to confess some things.
SPEAKER_05Of course.
SPEAKER_08Um okay, so okay, basically, I am sort of I like ran a red light, and there's sort of a warrant out for my arrest, allegedly. Um, so that's like kind of one thing. And then like the second thing is I sort of masturbated with my toothbrush.
SPEAKER_05Whoa, type shit.
SPEAKER_08And so I am not sure, like, okay, was that okay to do or something? And it wasn't really my toothbrush exactly, like it was my friend Sarah's, but and then thirdly, I like got in a fight with my mom.
SPEAKER_03You're freaky as hell. Okay. Um type. Yeah, type shit. Um, so here's what you're gonna want to do. Okay, you're gonna wanna you're gonna wanna do six or seven Hail Marys.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_08Um, sorry, Father, it's just like I I feel like I came to you, I'm feeling super vulnerable right now, and you're just having a having a giggle. It just makes me feel um sort of stupid, I guess.
SPEAKER_03No, I'm sorry. I just thought you were like cool and you understood the six seven.
SPEAKER_08Are you wearing axe body spray? It just smells no stuff.
SPEAKER_03Three Home Aries, one our father, and you're going to want to watch the 2016 DXXL Freestyle cipher on YouTube. This podcast is horrible. This is hot garbage. I'm so sorry for this one, guys.
SPEAKER_08Um I like that we haven't done anything in two weeks and we come back with this bullshit. Because I've been shooting something. She do you want to talk about that? Are you allowed to talk about that? I can't talk about it too much, but I'm I'm shooting something that I'm really excited about with some really, really cool people.
SPEAKER_03Nice. Okay, well, we'll be on the lookout for that.
SPEAKER_08Be on the lookout for that. It's coming out in August.
SPEAKER_03Can I talk about work for a little bit?
SPEAKER_08Fine.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh two minutes. Okay.
SPEAKER_08I'll be scrolling on Instagram. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03Basically, basically, uh just subway surfers, so you can like focus.
SPEAKER_00Um basically for my job, I thought I was gonna have to be super involved in this one project the whole summer. And to be fair, I like I've been starting to go to this project like two days a week now, uh, instead of one day a week. Um But in July we have a system startup, which essentially you have to be there full time 24 hours a day to like make sure the system's working and operational. And we originally were gonna- I was gonna have to do the midnight ship. So from 10 p.m. till uh was it 6 a.m.? Is that no 10 p.m. to 8 pm? Sorry, 10 pm to 8 a.m. I was gonna I was gonna have to do that 10 days in a row, uh like working for the weekends and everything uh for the system, but we got no we got news that we because the system's only running one cycle per day, so like once every 20 hours, we don't need to be on site for all.
SPEAKER_03I'm excited about that.
SPEAKER_08Okay, sick, and then you'll quit? Allegedly. Allegedly. Um what else do you love about me?
SPEAKER_03Oh well, I like that you dyed your hair and your your roots aren't bad. See, that's a callback joke.
SPEAKER_08To our first episode ever. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Bless you.
SPEAKER_08Sneeze all up in my hair.
SPEAKER_03What the hell was that?
SPEAKER_07That's true. That's true.
SPEAKER_03We have a party tonight. Shout out to Xander. We know how to do it. No, he's gonna be on this podcast in a couple weeks. He is. We we would love to have him on the show.
SPEAKER_08And we're gonna have Steve on too. I would love to have him. But they'll have to share him, Mike.
SPEAKER_03I want to ask Steve. I think Steve's gonna be there tonight because he's in an improv group.
SPEAKER_08He's so fucking funny. He's a he's genuinely like one of the most brilliant writers I've ever met.
SPEAKER_03He all this is the one thing I have I'm like very envious and feel very uh what's it? Uh bless you, the syndrome where you don't feel like you belong. Imposter syndrome. So I have I'm very envious and I have imposter syndrome with the amount of talented comedic writers that are in New York that do sketches. Yeah. I like it's so good, dude. It's so crazy. Like, I watch this stuff that people do, all of it's funny, and it's never popular. It's never popular. And I'm like, this guy should be on SNL writing stuff.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it's ridiculous. Because I think that the general public when it comes to that stuff, it's super people like favor super simple stuff that's just like really easy to understand, really digestible. I mean, but it's like his sketches in particular are so good, they're so funny. Oh, Steve couldn't. It doesn't even need to be a full hour. It doesn't.
SPEAKER_03Do you guys even care about us? Like genuine. You guys don't even do you guys even want to be here? Yeah, like do you guys even fuck with us or like what's up with that? Do you guys even like us? Sometimes when you guys don't leave comments, I'm like, damn, they fucking hate us. They want to see us dead with a gun and our mouths shot. That might be a little too dark for YouTube.
SPEAKER_08I know we may have to cut that part off. I was gonna ask you how you felt about when you're in a relationship venmo requesting them.
SPEAKER_03That's crazy.
SPEAKER_08For like a dinner.
SPEAKER_03That's crazy.
SPEAKER_08Just wondering.
SPEAKER_03Did you well, okay, how do you mean? Do I how do I feel as like me Venmo requesting my partner or my partner venomo requesting me? Or does it matter?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I guess like don't like not just having the mentality, oh, I'll get you next time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's crazy. Well, I feel like also as the male in the relationship, like I'm gonna cover things regardless. All the time. Yeah, for the most part. Unless it's like Do you want to get into a relationship? Just a domestic partnership. Unfortunately, I need to be uh uh wind and dined a little bit, sweetheart. I need somebody to take an interest and a liking into me. I hate when you do those little laughs. What's funny about that is like that's not true. Unfortunately, the only women I like are the ones that are like, hey, they're the people that like like our viewers who don't leave comments and don't care about them. They don't message you. They don't care.
SPEAKER_08About this is getting so dark.
SPEAKER_03Well, that's because of the nighttime.
unknownOh!
SPEAKER_08Oh I think that we got it. There's drying on my sweat, my sweat's gathering right here.
SPEAKER_03All right, in your cavern between your boobs, yes, that's where you gather.
SPEAKER_08So you admit I have boobs. Got him.
SPEAKER_03Got him. That's what this entire pod was. She staged this entire thing just for me to go, oh, boob alert over here.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. I'm are you in fli- Do you want to feel my armpits?
SPEAKER_03No. Oh, you forgot to wear deodorant today. How'd that go? Isn't it so fucking hot in the improv?
SPEAKER_08It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it was still toasty. Okay. But not as toasty as I am right now in the presence of you. Just like coincidentally, not because of you. Oh, okay. I think I'll be better next week.
SPEAKER_03And I'm giving up alcohol forever because of the way I feel currently.
SPEAKER_08I'm gonna drink tonight.
SPEAKER_03I'm not. I'm gonna do vodka soda or uh muscle memory.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, no, literally Freudian stuff.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I'm gonna do club soda with lime, and then that way if people ask again, just be like, it's too killed.
SPEAKER_08Why can't you just say it's club soda with lime? You don't want to sound like a pussy.
SPEAKER_03I have a I have a record to uphold.
SPEAKER_02People are gonna be like, yo, it's that fucking guy that fucking drinks and talks about on the fucking internet every fucking day.
unknownYou know?
SPEAKER_08I'm gonna give you a lymphatic drainage massage to your face.
SPEAKER_03Is that code for something? Did you see my sub tweet um TikTok about about you?
SPEAKER_08What? No. Yeah. Did you just make it now?
SPEAKER_03No, I made it like a week ago. It was uh after after we FaceTimed when Isabel and Brandon were over here. It's this one right here. You might have to turn it up, it's silent.
SPEAKER_01Somebody said, Would you jump off a cliff if your friends told you to do so? I'll follow my friends in the bathroom
SPEAKER_03I'm blackout drunk, by the way.
SPEAKER_01I'm a rider. Die till the end of the earth. I will do anything for my friends. They tell me to jump off a cliff. I'm going to say which cliff? And I'm going to say how high. And then I'm going to say I love you. And then I'm going to take a dive.
SPEAKER_08Okay, that wasn't at me.
SPEAKER_03That was what was for you as well and Brandon. But yeah, for the it was after the FaceTime. Maybe it was the creative.
SPEAKER_08And then I'm going to say how high.
SPEAKER_01I have to. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't. Die alone probably.
SPEAKER_03We can cut this if we have to. I don't like when people use you as the middleman for because you have so many hot friends. You are well connected with hot people. Dude, don't I know it? You are. And I don't like when people are like, oh, Sid can set me up.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, that happens a lot.
SPEAKER_03That bothers me. Even though I have literally done that too before. Like I have. And I feel very bad.
SPEAKER_08No, it happens a lot. And I think it's like, I get it. But I also it's tricky because then I'm like, what are your intentions? Is it just to smash my friends? Then I get sad inside.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but it's weird when friends of your friends do it. You know? Yeah. When like people you know We don't have to cut this part out.
SPEAKER_08We don't have to cut it out. Let it be known.
SPEAKER_03Let it be known. Standing on business.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. No, I do appreciate that you do get protected by me sometimes. Yeah. In in private.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Never in public. Can you imagine?
SPEAKER_08Nope. Jimbo, back in your cell, Jimbo.
SPEAKER_02Jimbo! Jimbo, go back in your cage!
SPEAKER_08Jimbo! Back, yeah, he doesn't even have a cell, he's a cage.
SPEAKER_03And Ronald's cage next to his. And if I was a mime, I would just have my box. And for the listeners only, I'm miming that I'm inside of a box. I do want to go to a mime or a clown school at some point. Just for the bit. Well, think of okay. I have this dream of being an entertainer, right? In all in all capacity, all spaces. I want to go to a mime school, learn how to mime, and or clown and look up clown classes. And then go to a public park and do it for people for free.
SPEAKER_08Clown class NYC. Bro, we can go to the clown gym. Affordable clown training. Wait, how funny is that? To like wait, UCB has a clowning program.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I did not know that. Bro. I would love to do that.
SPEAKER_08We have to.
SPEAKER_03And I would love to be Jimbo Chuckles if that name is not already taken. Because as the lu this lures viewers and listeners know, my name is James.
SPEAKER_08Wait, that's so funny. Jimbo Chuckles.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would love to do that.
SPEAKER_08We oh my god, we all I know what we're doing after this. Because your grills got no job.
SPEAKER_03Your grill. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Do you think you can buy me a drink tonight?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03How's that going? Are you do you are you happy with like where you are in life?
SPEAKER_08No, honestly, I will say, like, the day I sent the like goodbye message to my team, the next day, my friend Kayla called about this project I just worked on. Oh, nice. No, no, no. Not even the next day. It was the same day. It was like 20 minutes later.
SPEAKER_03The universe works in very strange ways.
SPEAKER_08It was so crazy.
SPEAKER_03I was like, and you really enjoyed this project that's coming up.
SPEAKER_08It was really cool. Yeah, and I worked with so many. Oh my god, the girls I worked with were in a cult now, so it's really special. Nice.
SPEAKER_03Well, this isn't like an Academy Award speech, but I'm very happy that you do love this. It's good.
SPEAKER_08That's Were you leaning in or leaning in? Alright, everybody, thanks so much for wasting your time with us.
SPEAKER_06Don't waste your time on me.
SPEAKER_08You're already the voice inside my head. Were we harmonizing?
SPEAKER_03We were.
SPEAKER_08Alright, thanks everybody so much for watching. I'm Sid.
SPEAKER_03I'm Grayson, and this is Are We Flirting?
SPEAKER_08Thanks. We're gonna go get Grayson some tums.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we're giving a new stomach.